 You can now follow me on all my social media platforms to find out who my latest guest will be and don't forget to click the subscribe button and the notifications bell so you are notified for when my next podcast goes live. I think I needed drinking drugs to be around other people man, you know what I mean? I just was like, I think that's why I don't like being in a pub or in big groups of people now because I'm like, I don't actually want to be there. I needed to drink and drugs to turn me into a bit of a twat. But the bottom line is men are becoming weaker, we're at an old-time low and testosterone. This is massive, we're more depressed, we're more lazy, sex drive is down, we don't exercise as much. The problem is women these days, and this is very true, I've experienced it myself, women these days and feminism has got to the point where even being supportive of other men pisses off women. My dad knew he was getting bad fucking in 2017, you know, just before he died. My dad said to drinking too much, but you know, I think my dad would, he'd be proud now. You've got to take the reins for your life and anybody watching man, things can get better, things can change, but they ain't going to change unless you admit you've got fucking problems. Sorry, that's making me a little bit fucking. But that stuff makes me realise sort of how much shit I'm fucking out, sorry mate. That's okay, bro. That stuff sort of makes me realise how much shit I must have put through with the drinking of drugs and that, to see how happy she is now, so. But that shows you how much she loves you. Yeah. Like if you've not got her, I'm going to be honest with you, man, you're probably dead. Yeah mate, I think so. Do you know what I mean? Sorry. BOOM! We're on! It is, yes, we've got my main man, Dapper Labs. Would you say noone improved? Yeah, how are you doing, man? Good, mate, really good. It's good to have you back on. Thank you very much. Is this the same place we recorded before, that time ago? Is it the same, it's the same apartment block? It feels like a brass house, I'm just going to say it. Yeah, it is, but don't, we'll weather that out, so. This is... We've got to have the money somewhere, everybody else is getting done for trafficking me, why not me? No, it's good to be back, man, it's good to be back. And I've been trying to, just for your listeners and viewers, he's a tough man to pin down. I've been trying to get you on my podcast. I've been trying to get you on my podcast and... What is your podcast? It's, yeah, I might as well promote you while I'm here. It's Men Is Too Sobriety, much inspired by yourself, both my sobriety and the podcast. And I'm just interviewing people that inspire me. That's why I've been trying to get you on, especially about the sobriety route. But fuck me, I thought I was busy, you ought to pin down. I'm a proper A-lister now. But I'm just interviewing inspiring people about being sober and how to get sober, say sober, and techniques, and the mentality, and unconscious thinking, and da-da-da-da-da. I had a hypnosis expert that specializes in cocaine addiction at Kirk Norcross. You saw the clips on that. Can it collapse? Yeah, he come on and spoke about his addiction. I mean, he was heavily into his coke, and it's unbelievable that... I mean, I was in it with him back in the day, and it's unbelievable that he's sober. He's just someone you wouldn't think would be sober. And they're like counselling sessions for me, and they're just helping me stay sober. Yeah, this is what it's about, therapy sessions. Shooting and shitting, just talking about the pain, talking about the struggle. I genuinely do believe men have become weaker. I put a post out on Twitter, I kind of, I worded it wrong. If I'm honest, I says, why is men become weaker? I was asking the question, social media, I drank drugs, porn, whatever. And then I says, something about suicide at an all-time high, something's not right, but people kind of get weak in suicide. I worded it wrong, but... And I thought you meant suicide is weak. Yeah, yeah, I'll just try to ask the question and kind of get a debate for a better understanding of so many things in life that make people struggle. But the bottom line is, men are becoming weaker. We're at an all-time low in testosterone. This is massive, we're more depressed, we're more lazy, sex drive is down, we don't exercise as much. We can't go on and on and we can create so many excuses and we can tiptoe around that. The bottom line is, man, ain't nothing changing unless you go off your ass and make the fucking waves yourself. And that's the thing. I think that personally, myself, I set up that group, men and their emotions where lads can post stuff on Facebook, and they can do it anonymously, they can post what their problem is and people can reply to it and it opened my eyes. Everyone's going through their own shit, most of people, but majority of men, and the common thing that I'm seeing in there, right, is they've got some form of something they're doing in excess, maybe whether it's fucking prostitutes, shagging, porn, drugs, gambling, they're doing something in excess to escape. And then when their world falls apart around them, their world falls apart and they lose everything because of that excess. They don't have the mental strength because they're burnt out to fix it and that's where your suiciding stuff comes in. And I think that as men in general, we're constantly beaten up anyway by society, especially if you're like a white working-class male. You know, all you hear is that men of predatory, you know, that we're offensive for this, we're doing that, toxic masculinity. I think men, that's why Andrew Tate, I think, blew up so much. I think men in general feel a little bit like the World Action. But we're looking for guidance because my life is going great. That's the whole fucking struggle. I've not struggled more now. I just know how to handle it now. I've got the tools and techniques that they align my bed and crying, they flick through social media looking for a bird, they see who's sitting in the pub that I can go down and have a few drinks with, take a line again, pretend that I'm fine. A lot of the people who I speak to, messages every day, people who are struggling. The majority of these people are taking drugs, drinking, watching porn and don't work, smoking weed and just... And that's not the life and it's not the bad, it's just all the fucking no. You know how hard it is. How many times have you been sober and then fucked it? You were on the path. And then you phoned me. I think after maybe it was your first night out, I said, look, if you drink again, you want to get sucked back in. We went for a run, went to the gym, done some cold water. Who the fuck you went back? Yeah, that was tough for me because like you said before we started the podcast, we're ego driven and I'd done six months sober and then my wedding was coming, Christmas was coming and my stag do was coming. And I was like, I'm fine. I've proved that I can go sober. And even you're very intrigued with me and most people you are anyway. And I started getting your messages, your voice notes and that saying, how are you? You're all right. You obviously were watching and a bit worried. Then you come down and saw me and when we were on the runner, remember, you said, I can see it, it's in you. The drink's in you. Even though I hadn't been drinking that day, but I had the night before and you're like, once it's in you, it's fucking in you. And I was like, I'll be fine. I'll be all right. And it was a matter of weeks before I was fucked with it. Yeah, you were talking. You see in people's videos, I see it a mile away. I see who struggles. I see even myself, we create content that keeps us busy. Why do I try and help everybody else? Is it because I don't want to face mean fears? Mound demons. Because I've still fucking got them. I've still speak out a lot and I'm still a working process but also know the results I'm doing. Look what I've achieved in four years. It's got to blow more in Trump but this is a guy from a council estate. Had fuck all skin back in his mum's house and I cracked then just fucking hating life. I wasn't on the crack, but I was bang on the charlie, bang on the weed, bang on the valium, took the reins and done. I need to change. Started working the process and just taking baby steps to then better my life. Even though it's all smoke and mirrors, it's always cheesy to have smoke and mirrors and that but you can still have a productive life and still achieve something. See when you were off at for six months, what was the trigger then? Have a drink. For me, it was boredom. It was boredom and it was the reason why I know it's different for me now is because the whole time that I was sober that time, I still felt like I was missing out. Whereas this time around, I feel like I'm free of it, even though I know it's dangerous still. It's always dangerous but this time, I'll tell you what it is. For anyone out there that's struggling right now with, like I never considered myself like an alcoholic or a drug addict because I thought to myself, I'm not alcohol or drug dependent, right? I don't wake up in the morning and want some coke or I don't wake up and want to reach for a bottle of vodka but I'd get pissed up two, three times a week and I'd get on the gear maybe once a fortnight or maybe once every weekend who knows but what it meant was I was generally either always drunk or fucking hungover, right? I was never at a base level and I thought I suffered with mental health. I thought I had really bad anxiety and depression and that but now that I'm sober like 120 days or something, I get anxiety every now and then like naturally like people do when things happen but I'm not depressed. I don't have that really bad mental health downturns like I was having with my alcohol. So I think that I got to the point where I started feeling good and I was like, do you know what? I can go back and also I was just looking at life like it was I was still looking back at my heydays of drinking and doing drugs and missing it, you know and thinking I'd be alright to go back to it and just the drink though just the drink, not the drugs just the drink and if I can go back to just the drink then I'm not going to be out all night I'm not going to be making stupid decisions I'm not going to fall out with the wife the missus, the wife now and it would be alright but it was only a matter of weeks that I was back on the gear but this is a problem in negative energy you open the door to one the rest are flooding in and then you rip the whole ceiling down and then what happens is we lie, we pretend we're fine, we're okay and we've got that saying it's okay not to be okay of course it is but it's not okay to fucking live there there's got to come a time you've got to because I say this all the time no cunt is coming to save your ass not your mum, your dad your missus, your kids fuck everybody else because when I'm on it I give a fuck about no cunt no it's the same as me and I just want to say just while this is in my head I think that needed to happen that needed to happen to me shall I tell you why I think that if you're wrestling with the thought that you've got a bad relationship with drink or drugs then you definitely have if you're even thinking that right and nothing will scare you more then go and sober or give an upright and then thinking you can go back and then lose in control because you've told yourself I'm alright I'll be able to go back and because I've proved it nothing scares you more than being right in the mix of losing control again and going I can't fucking do this that's when you realise it's not the first time I think you try and stop do you know what I mean I think it's the second time or it would be a certain point where you go back and you're like I can control this and when you can't and everything crumbles around you I mean I'm lucky I've still got my kids in there do you know what I mean I'm lucky that I'm still in my relationship and I'll tell you what I'm the happiest this started off quite doom and gloomy but I'm the happiest I've been but fuck me you know I'm terrified of fucking it up but it's always going to be there yeah but I thank you for getting on every day mate I was down the tree and all women next to was having a red wine I smell dashes yeah mate I'm not going to lie to you I'm not going to lie to you my podcast is called Menace to Sobriety and the majority of it with certain people I'm just talking about fucking sessions I've had and people online are going oh you're glorifying drug culture I'm like because it's fucking glorious when you're doing it to me there was nothing better than fucking having a good piss up with your mates having a load of gear and fucking going wild but now to me I don't want my kids to look back and remember me hungover and plus I make so much positive progress when I'm sober so I just had to go through that pain I guess but you do scare me when I talk to you because when I talk to you you're like it's still there be careful it's round the corner it's like a you need a reminder as well because we can get to a certain level we've found it completely you had the big car big house got married had the kids looking from the outside fucking miserable oh my god yeah it's so true yeah do you know what I mean it's not to put you down that's why I was saying to you get your head out of your ass yeah fuck it and then I used to say to you in the gym I said to you man straight out of the gym I said look you're going you come to the conclusion you can't drink again I see myself in you yeah but you don't want to hear that at the time of course you don't because we're weak we're scared but weeks people become so soft we're living in a very soft generation it's quite easy to be successful now everybody talks a good game you look at the guys on social media how weak they are their negative comments are hatred what are they doing with their life let us it's embarrassing the amount of people that hide behind a screen and doing fuck all with their life at least we're out trying at least we're fucking trying to live and trying to be honest as we can be look we're all out for ourself I will always say I've got an agenda to be the best man I can be to provide a life for my family that I never had do you know what I mean but we can't forget the most important thing in life is time you know like I get free tomorrow I'm back up it's not in stock but part of me thinks it's that to keep away the demons whatever as it's working well listen we've got addictive natures in we do we've got to do in excess in excess but I think you're right I wasn't ready to accept you hear these cliches I wasn't ready to accept but you talking to me telling me that I'm not able to drink and stuff like I was looking at you and going no that's you that's not me that's you mate that's not me but now I'm like a video I didn't never posted it because I fucking teared up in it and I hate crying on social media but I made a video the other day where I was just doing this video because I just wanted to say to men because my inbox is fucking filled full of men going off uh I'm you know I'm a year sober I'm six months sober but I lost everything I lost my house I lost my misses you know you're the woman that you're at home with now you know you're only doing them weekend sashes and stuff like that and staying out all night and doing whatever you're fucking doing all them stupid decisions you're making that woman right now that stood next to you and and is there in their mind they've they're they're on their way out they've had enough and at some point they're leaving if you've got kids that's where I think the suicide comes in the most is when you finally come out of the cloud of whatever you're doing and you realize that your kids are going to fucking know what you've done or you know you've lost them that's where those suicidal thoughts are and I've done this video just saying like if you're in the midst of it now and you still have the things you care about around you fucking try and sort your shit out man because I was so fucking close I'm still probably on the edge of you know it's still early days I'm only 120 days in but you know she's probably there going yeah it's all right in that but yeah but it's a shame it's the guilt as a man that we shouldn't be vulnerable and weak and yeah pretending that we're okay as a man you've got to take the reins you've got to take the reins of your life take the responsibilities it's fucking key and saying okay I've got problems here for me we talk about week and I talk about weakness but also to speak about that strength yeah that's the strength the strength is saying that your heart the strength is saying you've got a problem saying you've got an addiction because there's so many people out there yeah I mean I done the try to do the 12 steps gambling NA but I hated the saying I am a compulsive gambler because I'm not I hate the saying I'm in recovery because I'm recovered I'm not putting that out there universal I'm still yeah because I'm recovered I'll still work at myself every day I don't my eating's my problem fucks sake eating shit because I nervous after a podcast I need eat because I'm drained but there's still so much to work on but I'm not I'm a man of not a shy way you also get diagnosed with ADHD yeah yeah um the idea of getting diagnosed sent me a bit west really because I am that when you were on the madness yeah well do you know the crazy are you looking for answers the back of the crack the craze the crazy thing is the crazy thing is I've learned so much about ADHD is 80% of people diagnosed with ADHD suffer addiction problems as well they have a lot of addictive personalities where you know we hyper focus on things and also stimulants calm ADHD so coffee calms down your ADHD and ADHD is a form of fucking overthinking it's like 24th at once right and it's like so I do it constantly I'll be maybe fucking tidy in the house or do in the house and I'll have an idea where I want to watch things so I'll start watching it and then I change my idea I want to do something else and I can I can be doing a full projects at once and sometimes none of them get finished so you've got to stop and be like fucking focused on one thing it's hard but creatively it's amazing but I give you a type of speed for it it's like a speed that's what it's like it's like it to other people it makes them fucking but if you've got ADHD it calms the fucking noise in the stand the stimulant so cocaine for me especially alcohol was but cocaine especially for me was it would calm that shit down where normally it makes people chat shit 100 miles an hour and stuff like that I mean I've done a bit of that but it normally in general it would fucking calm you know it switch everything off for me but the next day this is where my problem was where my anger management went wrong and my mood swings went it comes back fucking tenfold so it's like a bomb has gone off in your fucking head but when I got diagnosed with the ADHD and they told me I had ADHD suddenly I realized that my way of thinking wasn't normal I just thought that everyone was like that trying to manage their thoughts and manage their projects and couldn't focus on things that are not interesting if my missus the other day my missus took me into the into the she's going to work and she said look this needs to be washed so can you take that out and take that out but I started looking at something on the top she's like the fuck are you looking at I'm not I don't care about a washing I can't focus on it I'm drying I'm trying write it down she had to fucking write it down for me you know I mean but it scared me really and I had a bit of a downturn because I realized I wasn't normal you know because you phoned me again I think that was a last straw that's when you realized you had to change that the missus was leaving you think you get the Jairans whatever I don't know if you can talk about that but because that then pushes you to be sure I said that you get two amazing daughters that's when kids do my fucking head and I've got kids and I've got this man like but when I see your video your kids I go I look like an amazing family that I see both daughters in you yeah I see the silliness in the loving because you're a soft cunt yeah you're a loving guy you've had phoned you and you would be on the heartbeat I believe but yeah definitely yeah I reached out to you a few times was that the last straw though when you fucked up yeah so what what really happened to me was everything was going fine I thought was going fine I went back to the drink over Christmas and then that turned into everything else and it was like one thing after another do you know I mean it was like my stag do and then there was a blowout on that and then the wedding came and I think the wedding I had a lot of guilt and shame from the wedding because I got drunk really drunk at the wedding and I don't remember some of it and it and you know there's pictures of my kids there and stuff like that and this is only recent you know this is only about four or five months ago and I thought I didn't spend any time with the kids hardly any time with the with the wife and and the guilt and shame from that on the honeymoon was horrific but I was still drinking trying to manage it um and then yeah some bad stuff happened and I ended up getting nicked I don't really want to go into too much of it but I ended up getting nicked and um and that was when it was like fucking hell I've really got to sort my shit out now so I said to my missus you know I'm not gonna I'm not gonna get on it anymore but the next day I had to go to Marbella for my film premiere my film would come out and it was premiere in Marbella and she was coming with me but I thought she weren't gonna come because of I got nicked and everything and we'd had a massive bust up but she came to Marbella with me and I broke my promise as soon as we landed and um and that's when I realized I was out of control but I still went the whole weekend and she ended up flying home like I did not give a shit and um when I come back up that I was that was it it was over and uh it's mad with you because look at all the shit you went through with news night and the you cancelled yourself I always say that but all the shit you went through and then building it back and then you took the chance to even jeopardize that again that's fucking that's deluded thinking well look at it yeah you've lost it all you there's nothing crying suicidal phone and fucking Samaritans want to change your life and it happened again yeah and you flipped it so that's why you'll never be 100 pure that is why you've got to stay on it consistently and for me for me though that for me you know the the beautiful the beautiful harsh reality of it is um you know I know now like if I want my family if I want to be with my kids and my wife and you know we're happy and we're getting along you know she probably she probably always still worried that I'll go back obviously we've got a lot of work to do obviously but um I know for a fact now that if I went down that road again that I would lose that family unit and uh and without my kids I wouldn't really have a reason to stay sober so I know how bad it would get so as horrific as it was um it's kind of it's kind of put a fork in it for me I'm like this is serious shit now don't mean but look since then I've had nothing but good karma since I started the podcast and started openly really talking about my addiction problem and and for being in this industry like being a comedian and making films and now I'm back on tv and uh you know doing doing bits I've got great opportunities coming up it's scary talking about drug use because brands and platforms and stuff like that they don't want to work with people that are associated with drugs but I just really thought that if I don't if I'm not fucking open and honest about it how can that help do you know I mean and I feel like that's the karma that I've got to put back out there do you know what I mean see I feel as if that's that people are not ashamed aren't they hiding the past but I get more offers and more sponsors and fucking anybody and I'm I'm blatantly honest about my past that you'd be surprised that how many people can relate when you're open and honest because well paying my life is all rosy and rainbows but it's not the case everything's always there's always still outside pressure there's always still outside noise like like I know I've not got another recovery in me that's why I can't drink that's why I can't even have a sip of beer even at Christmas day there was non-alcoholic stuff and I thought I'm too scared to drink that just in case just in case that's non-alcoholic beer like I just I know how precious life is and I know how sad it can be and I know how sad people are so many people are fucking sad and depressed and miserable and suicidal and just lost like what do you think that is if you're for your side of things I think it's because you know we're not well especially I learned a lot about the actual alcohol like if you drink one drink you get a certain amount of anxiety but if you're having another drink straight away it hides the anxiety and then if you keep drinking whatever it would disappear and then it will come back tenfold if you're constantly working you're like it's like you're luring yourself with the drink and then you're trying to recover and you're never quite normal and I just think people are down because there's no future for some people they don't see a future and they're not working on positive things you know like I know for a fact that I won't have a really good day unless I get up and work out in the morning so I have to do it every day now and I know it's like I force myself into having a positive day that's like my thing and it works but a lot of people don't know that maybe or they don't trust that they don't know any well-being stuff and they just kind of accept that it's shit how much is common they saved your life as well yeah man it's my it's my it's my it's escape that's your drugs you think yeah definitely definitely and it's the only thing I'm good at so and I want to say that man I see you're a good father in that as well you get many positives listen we can all fucking this is the thing about people like us we can put myself down a lot I'm at that stage I'm not putting myself down anymore done yeah I know how successful I can be I know how hard I work and I know the good I bring it to the world as well so people need to understand words are powerful yes you're right no you are right it's one of one of the things that I'm good at and it's yeah I love comedy listen sometimes I push it too far recently I've been skirting along the line a little bit but I love that that means you're back yeah and honestly like I don't feel the need to post you know we were talking about that before that need you know that addiction to get the attention and validation I don't feel that anymore I wait till something funny comes into my head and then when it does I'm there but I love it man I love being that I love I love entertaining people and taking the piss because when you are selling the beer for how can you how can you talk about so bad like being sober yeah that's why I had to give the company up man I mean that and I was making fucking money from that man yeah so but that was a moral that was a moral thing you know you know I could still be selling it now that that company was turning over money my business partner was like what do you mean you're going sober again you sure he's probably trying to feed you that because he keeps you working risking your coffee but it's like I'm out my what about a company I said you can have it and crack on or whatever but I'm not selling the beer now morally I couldn't do not mean same as myself I get big offers from yeah gambling products and alcohol I thought about it I'm not gonna gambling's a big one isn't it yeah I thought if I speak out against for me to them with a broken gallbladder but I'm talking about mega money mega money do this and I thought I did the go home and I thought fucking hell that was set my kids up and I thought nah that's me selling myself like I'm staying true to you I bought a brand I bought a platform that just stay to you offers will come and offers have came so I've been looking enough not as as much as the the more destructive brands but I got the most money isn't there I can have you by the boss yeah put your hand in the sam smith stuff I've been fucking slot on him lately but listen people think I see you I love your twitter man I see it but it's just I ain't got a problem in nobody like anybody and you get sam smith like his ass is getting he's pretending they blast the ass off something I'm using for the last of his 18 and getting peed on and shitting in all the demonic fucking satanic shit like we can go down the conspiracy but it's put in plain sight is there but right so listen I've been I've been doing pieces on this geezer called Jeffrey that's online and he's he's he identifies as non-binary but he dresses as a woman and identifies as non-binary and he creates content for his towards kids right so he's like yeah yeah you know go and ask your mum and dad what gender you are and when they respond negatively it's because they want you to conform to shit and I'm like right so what you're doing is you're fucking grooming kids here you're talking to kids and that scares the fucking life out of me I don't personally care what anyone wants to do with themselves if you want to dress as a woman or if you want to be gay by gender neutral identify as a fucking baby in a prison and get fed fucking like that geezer or whatever that is fine but as soon as you start pushing that shit on my kids yeah then then that that's that's where I step up and I would fucking make content about it and I have been he even done a video the other day where he was like he was like he identifies as non-binary but he's like a 45 year old geezer right in makeup and he does a video where he goes statistically it's middle-aged men that appear to files so I can't be one I'm like you're a fucking geezer but you know what I mean but anyway but we're not allowed to say that even I've just said it we're not allowed to say that because it's non-binary which I find just fucking weird right but I'm more than prepared to call call call that shit out because I'm allowed to have an opinion but the problem is if you're white especially white working-class man like if you're like us your opinion on that stuff is automatically offensive doesn't matter it's automatic offensive I agree with you on the Sam Smith stuff you know what I mean like but the problem is if I start tweeting about it or writing about it and I'm homophobic or I don't even know is he gay or bisexual I'm not even sure like he's confused fucking 40 year old baby now mate like yeah I don't care anymore I don't fucking care I've got to say my opinion I've got kids I do everything to protect my kids you ain't going to be prancing about in a brand plans pretending to shag somebody and and and people trying to normalise it for me there's two genders if you want to be a he she p d fucking unicorn be who you want to be just don't do it around my kids drag queens stay the fuck away from school stay at our schools do you want to suggest that plus like you see these people the guy had the microphone pretending I was at that with a kid talk stop that weird pd for your fucking but the problem that we've got and I think it's it's really difficult now because this is the problem this is the problem that we and this goes all the way back to you know I'm very in tune with like when I got cancelled or when people done a petition about the stuff that I said with my jokes if you start if you start telling people what they can and can't laugh at what they can and can't say what they can and can't joke about what's offensive and and then people start going oh yeah okay actually yeah cancel him and cancel him and cancel him then the extreme of that is a man going out committing crimes against a woman then dressing as a woman and saying put me in a woman's prison and because all of this has gone on they have to go well we don't want to fucking offend anyone so yeah pop him in the woman's prison this is you have to have an element of do you know what you can think what you think but that is wrong yeah you know we have to be able to do that but it's very difficult man if you're born a man you shouldn't be going to a woman's prison you shouldn't be competing in women's sports you shouldn't be competing in beauty pageants listen to some fucking men out there women trans fucking female whatever it is who are stunning I get it but they shouldn't be competing with women who are born female I believe anyway like for me it's male female and that's all I see the world and if you want to add to that I think it's 0.06% of people are trans and again I'm listening you want to wear fucking rainbows and butterflies and wings and do your videos listen I'm happy for you but just don't talk about my children don't talk about kids that you see these people even you see the shit that's happening in Ireland and stuff just now man the world's I feel as if they're trying to get us to accept mad shit I feel as if they're trying to normalise so much madness I try to bring the edge I can send down I ain't for that shit man I'll keep going and do you know what the fuck the what the just what sort of thing what the crazy thing is when I was taking when I was making videos you know when I called that geezer out I was I was just saying listen because he's like hi kids I'm like you're a 45 year old man dressed as a woman starting your videos saying hi kids with makeup on and shit all that that's confusing as it is and why you feel the need to be on tiktok targeting stuff about sexuality sexuality and gender two children it's just a step too far for me and the weird thing was I made the video off and what's bad is I made the video and I thought well this is controversial maybe I shouldn't be saying that I shouldn't be thinking that I should be able to say what I want to say but the crazy thing is when I put it up it was nothing but support it was everyone else going and especially women going this is fucking women are sick to death of men hijacking their spaces hijacking you know things they've been through like their periods men going out and buying tampons I know do you know I mean men going out and buying tampons are going day 34 as a woman and I've just got my tampon for where you're going to stick it up your arse like well and women have had enough of it women have had enough of men dressing up as women and coming into I mean I've got two daughters and if I like and this is God's honest truth I've got two young daughters four and four and six years old and when they go to public toilets if the the older one wants to go in a women's toilet I've got a stand I don't really like her going in on her own I try and take her in the men's with me the both of them and just use the cubicle whatever but if I've got to wait out for the for the elder one to go in there and if a geezer was walking up dressed as a woman I'd be like you ain't fucking going in now I'm sorry I'm sorry but you're not going in there do you know what I mean like and you can call me a bigger or offensive or whatever but yeah I don't fucking care like I don't agree with it like there's a scene of video an old man in the gym in America and he was using male and female because he identifies as female so there's either get fucking a trans changing room or something if you've got dick use of men's if you've got dick use of men's you know I mean like I understand if people genuinely might not have the wrong bad intentions when they cross over and stuff but when you get fucking male pretended to be female to took the guy in Scotland to raped two women put the wig on standing at cope with the dick point through his trousers and they're fucking trying to stick up from to send them a woman's prison and some women done an interview saying he's got feelings fuck his feelings what about the fucking victims feelings yeah do you know what I mean like the women in the prison people need to stand up and say fuck them look fuck them what do you want to do with your feelings I fuck your feelings like I'm sick and tired I matter what it just seems to be full of fucking absolute sex cases honestly it's fuck I don't know if that's the shit I'm watching recently but it just seems to be fucking filled a fucking madness and I've rails me up because unless you've got kids you don't know how hard that is to protect them and what I was already fucked up anyway I'm terrified I'm terrified you know I'm you know having having conversations having to have conversations with my daughters and now anyway about you know what's appropriate you know and be careful of this and you know because you're leaving them at school you're leaving at places and having and you know my sobriety my sobriety has definitely made me think fucking hell I can't believe how out of touch I was with being a dad I wasn't present I wasn't here I mean I was there I was there I was waking up I was going through the fucking motions but now I've got now that I'm sober I've got all these emotions and I've got all these these fears and like I'm in tune I want to be with them I mean even being out this late now with the song that started going down on the way here I was getting that could being in town I you know that I was getting that trigger I was thinking I don't like being out I want to be at home do you know what I mean but and then when you mix into that all of this fucking weird shit and you think your daughters are growing up into it it's like it's a scary old thing yeah that's how I speak out against the sounds of people call you this and that I don't care I'm saying my opinion that it's not and listen there's a lot of music with different artists and it's it's kind of satanic dark fucking weird shit like you get Christina Aguilera used to do I think dirty song and that but it probably doesn't seem as bad because it is a woman if you know what I mean but it's still bad as well because young girls are still watching that as well that the thing about the brain it's such a powerful tool it absorbs everything and teenagers and young kids are looking up to these people as inspiration that I think the numbers are now through the roof that if you're the kids should be protected at all costs and even kids going to school that I wish it if I had a right fucking mindset then I'd probably homeschool my kids do you know what I mean because you're they're feeding you don't know what the daily routine like for a teacher is as well don't know what they like their background is you don't know who the fuck they are do you know what I mean people are weird they had Sarah Sands on the podcast nice old man sitting outside the shop doing the papers give the sons a job ender abusing free her son the guy was in his 70s she killed him get three and a half years while in prison that doubled her sentence gave her seven but yet there's nonsense on the street fucking rating kids killing kids are getting lesser sentence it's unbelievable scary it's scary I think I think that yeah I think that you know there's some politicians there's some people out there that are speaking some sense but majority the problem with politics I think is you've got to remember that these people that are a majority of these people that are making the rules or that make the decisions they want to stay popular they want to stay popular so they can you know they want to stay popular and if they feel if you feel like for instance when it was popular to dislike me or to discredit me or to not work with me it was our people you know virtue signal it's like no I'd never work with him they just say it out loud so people go fucking fair play to you it's like the people that make these big decisions it's very difficult for them to make the decisions because they want to stay popular with the people that are complaining about it it's a scary old world mate how many times are you still on eggshells of what you're seeing what you do because what happened a few years back well I'm not really because I kind of I kind of I've learned I think I've learned what to say and what not to say and how to say things for instance my my early days as Dapoulas I used to really exaggerate the lad culture in order to for the shock do you know what I mean for to get the viral activity I used to really exaggerate it used to be quite shocking and controversial because that's what would push it but now I feel like I've got enough life it's I've got enough stuff going on around me to talk about without having to do that you know there's I see comedy in everything I do I see comedy when I wake up with my kids I see the comedy in my kids I see the comedy in what's going on with transgender and sexuality and so I see comedy in everything so I don't I'm not there to be controversial I also know I sometimes I get it wrong I got it a bit wrong the other day and I had some people DM me and say look I just I found your video insensitive and in the comments there's a lot of people hating and sometimes I'll take a look at saying can I delete it if it's if it's causing a negative reaction yeah you know but I won't censor myself I've got a strong opinion but if I put my opinion across and then a load of people come in and go yeah fuck them fuck them like as a as a group of people then I'll take responsibility for it you've got to exaggerate on that post about wise men so weak at the moment and I had a woman who'd lost her son to suicide she says look before when my son when I put my son to she says you're the bravest son that I could have asked and that kind of directed at like I'm not that I'm I'm massive one mental helpful everything I do is to try and show people that it's okay to struggle but it's not okay to live there that's kind of I should have worried it better I was just asking the question so when it was offended like I said I apologize to that but again men are becoming weaker in a hole as well and and I'll keep speaking out and out of the shut now and I question now that why has testosterone I think I think I think I think that men don't have men I think that that's a massive part of it like for instance the you know when you came to check in on me and you know when you you know there's not many people like you that will fucking call it out is that's what we need you know I mean for you to come and say now listen things ain't going right for you mate you know you can't do this and then and then you know I've got I've got voice notes from you that I was that I'm going to play when we that when you come on my podcast for me I'm going to play a few voice notes because there's some I get so many emotions some of them I've starred and I listen back to them myself to keep you know to to remind myself of where I was you know they say a lot of them yours start off when you voice note me you know long voice notes start off with you know what I'm doing wrong what you're doing wrong you know what I'm good at the reasons the reasons why I can't do what I'm doing and then they always finish on something funny you know like keep shagging and all this stuff but men don't have that men a lot majority of men don't have another man that that will got cool them out on their bullshit and then look after them when you know when they're feeling it and I think that's why men are feeling it there's no you know in order to in order to have get a group of people together and talk about what they're going through men are like fuck that I don't need that do you know what I mean but and it kind of feels like of admitting you're weak do you know what I mean but that's the strength that is the strength yeah the weakness is not speaking about it the weakness is not doing something about it the strength is saying I'm struggling the strength is saying I need to help the strength is getting your ass to the gym the strength is trying to better your life exercises to keep exercising the natural chemicals cold water therapy I wasn't a fucking the cold water today yeah you're mad do you know what I mean like because it keeps this it numbs the voices stops the pain whatever it is I've got trauma it just resets it it resets me and I'm in the now because I'm in that moment in the cold I just want out of there but I know wait a minute this is your medicine James this is a natural medicine where I don't need to go externally and look for the bad stuff people can go at the pubs they can go and watch their football they can do what they want but you know we're gonna find your sense of completion there it's just a constant rage and I think a man says if you don't breathe in wine and if you get released really about because people when I skate and there's too much things out there it's too easy to escape yeah I think if you're coping mechanisms make you feel worse then you're fucked if you're coping me and it's just such a simple thing to say and to and to think about if you're coping mechanisms make you feel worse then you're fucked how you're ever gonna cope if you cope by drinking which makes you feel worse it makes you depressed anxious if you cope by having a binge I mean I had it the other day I was triggered the other day I had a shit week something a couple of fucking stupid things went wrong a car wheel fucking got cracked you know load of little things and then I was heading up into town on a Thursday and it was coming towards the and I thought to myself do you know what I fucking need I need to just get fucked that's what I need I need to get fucked but luckily I'm in this position now where I go why are you saying that what instead of instead of my subconscious mind going and do you know what it was I was thinking to myself the words that I was using I need to escape you know I need to just switch off I need to get away you know so what I'm saying to myself is I can't handle life at the moment so I need to fucking switch off and how did I used to do that drugs drink and drugs right and then when you come back is fucking a hundred times worse plus you want a fucking below base level to deal with your shit and my coping mechanism went from that to hey you can't do that you've got the kids on your own this weekend imagine how you're gonna fucking feel after a hundred days sober and then you're looking after your kids and I went you know what I need to do I need to go for a fucking run that's what I fucking need to do I need to do some exercise come back fucking on my geezer let's go yeah that's what it's all about see I think drinking around kids is child abuse it's a drug at the end of the day and you're not being the best parent you can be a parent should be taking full responsibility of a life and try to give their kids the best life that they can and by doing that has been there being understanding listen I wouldn't be where I am today if I never fucked up all the years that I've done all the lines stealing the cheating I've done it all people don't even know my story to the extent that I'll fucking blow people away like once I go in depth once I'm ready to get a book out like I'm business now at the end of the day I'm just here to create content make some money and have a fucking great life like but nothing the the voices don't stop so even though people say oh I can change life you how good is it when you stop for seven days it's amazing I feel like a new man then 20 days and it's 50 days and it's a hundred and 20 days life's okay it's not the same buzzes you've got they let the pain still there then you think I'll work next because we're always wanting more yeah like looking from the outside your life already seems complete people wanting to marry life they want the kids they want a big house the fans they can't go at all but yeah it was never enough no he's ended up fucking on your ass again yeah I mean it's it's fucking mad when I knew you were fucking it is when you started playing golf all the time I noticed all the other people around you were drinking he's not good I said man get head out your ass today look what's going on oh nothing I'm I can see I remember at the gym you said to me I can't stop now I've got a stag do I've got my wedding you're rhyming off all these excuses why you shouldn't stop drinking and that's when I know you're gone yeah I was going I was gone and the worst the thing is the thing is for me now is you know you like I said earlier you have to think you've got control and see it slip out of your hands in order to know you've got a problem you know and the scary thing about going sober is you think to yourself what the fuck am I going to do then my life's over but the truth of the matter is now that I don't drink I don't want to be in a pub I don't do not I mean people like oh there's some of my friends now that I've been friends with since I was 14 13 14 years old that were groomsmen at my wedding that I don't speak to do not I mean the only thing we really had in common was drinking and doing drugs and I'm okay with that because the ultimate thing is I'm nearly 40 years old I want to be at home with my children being a good dad whereas when I was drinking that's not what I wanted I'm just going to be brutally honest with you when I was drinking you know even I wasn't drinking every day when I wasn't drinking I wanted to be drinking I always thought it was fucking boring at home I want to be out at a pub it's fucking shit it's stressful being around the kids and the missus is doing my head in I want to be at a pub um and that was my addiction yeah well now I'm like when I'm out I want to be at home when I'm at home I'm fucking pleased to be there yeah but that's what we can get mixed up is between boring and being at peace so when I'm at home with the missus and the kids and the dogs that's what you say boredom is good yeah and that's what people need to realize that when I sat there I think oh I'm missing people are watching the World Cup they hear the music and the pubs but then I'm at peace yeah I love it mate I'm just at peace like it's fucking listen even though we want to do this and do that sometimes it's not the right thing to do because the missus does your fucking nothing the kids do your fucking head in but does that give me a excuse to go and then basically borderline be fucking abusing abusing myself abusing my body and and basically self arming sitting in dirty toilets taking lines talking shit random kitchens people try to give you life advice when their heads are so far gone that you've got to take the reins for your life and anybody watching man things can get better things can't change but they ain't gonna change unless you admit you've got fucking problems yeah it's fucking hard I'm not gonna lie to its heart but it gets easier the first 30 days 40 days are hard you're counting days I'll stop count I mean I've still got my counter after 100 days but I thought I don't need to count and now I don't count and I'm kind of like it just I know it's always there it's looming but I kind of I kind of feel like oh it's getting better you know I'm just getting I'm getting into life as sober you know I don't miss it and yeah I just I'm never never want to go back whereas before I felt like I did you know I mean how's business been since you've screwed the head again fucking much better man much better you know the my film really took off it was it was you know number one crime film on amazon it looks like it's going into netflix so I'd be on netflix do you know what the mad thing is and I don't know if this will fuck it up but the mad thing is Terry I made the film with Terry stone and Terry stone was like listen they fucking ate yeah I tried to sell you last for me try to sell my last my first film fanged up and no one would buy it not even Tesco's would take it because of me name so he said so this one you're gonna be called Ricky London so he put my name was Ricky London and now they're trying to pitch it to netflix so you'll see my face but you won't see my name but do you know what the mad thing is and I'm not gonna I can't say too much about it but I'm massive this podcast that has created like first of all the producer of the podcast just the random guy that was in the podcast studio he produces for tv and he's like right I want you to be on this tv thing I want you to be on this tv thing and then a very very famous director that's made probably the most iconic british films of I'll tell you after I'll tell you after I've I've I've grown up you'll know every single one of them they're massive I've got a meeting with him tomorrow not tomorrow on Thursday and he's he's like and do you know how he found out about me the podcast he's sober he watched the podcast done a bit of research saw that I was acting and he was like right let's have a chat and this keys is like it's like Hollywood stuff man so the good calm is there fingers crossed you know there's no more slip-ups and I'm enjoying being a dad man so I think we'll do a film I think we'll write something next year yeah let's do it man I think we'll write something special yeah so about a dark coat I'm a dark bastard I love darkness we were meant to just have a laugh with this but me and you were hello my old friend but people need to wake up though yeah as much as we want to have a laugh in that the bottom line is people are fucked yeah yeah simple as that yeah who are you kidding yeah stop fucking around man like if you're not going to do it for yourself do it for your kids you've got to do it for yourself but if you can't do it for your kids your mum or do it for somebody like I'm getting money in now when I started making money I thought fuck it big car big house yeah I'm here to retire my mum yeah I'm here to build my family up and fucking and give you a good life and then I'll buy the nice stuff I think I think the drink and the drugs for me um I've done a weird thing to my ego as well because and now I'm sober I'm getting rid of everything do not I mean like I got the McLaren sat there that's going up for sale I sold one of my big watches and you know I'm all right for money but I'm like I kind of feel a bit stupid with all of this fucking shiny shit and um and like even my Mrs you know my Mrs has said you know like the cars that I'm looking at now a lot more sensible for the family and stuff like that and I kind of look back on the last especially when I started drinking again this time period where I just felt like yeah man I can afford 120 grand supercar so I'm gonna get one yeah I want a 40 grand watch or whatever and all this stuff and I look back and I think what was I doing who was I what was what was going on like that's pin maybe yeah and I do you know what I said the other day to someone they said oh someone's come up to me and said I'm really enjoying your Instagram at the moment you know the stuff on your Instagram I said well it well now it's honest I was like what you're seeing on Instagram is actually what my life is like for the last fucking however long you were seeing what looked like happiness and a happy family and you know I was like this is daddy being daddy but the gaps in between that was I wasn't being a great dad you know I mean and I was being an arsehole but now what you see on there is reality I mean apart from the comedy sketches obviously yeah the mclan's an athlete you see you're a father two of kids yeah what have I got a mclan why the fuck you want mclan yeah so that again is just to say I've got a small dick in my defense like that's just life like you tend to see that because when we are struggling we think the big watch that we fought on Dubai people think these live in the high life yeah they're not really no it's all fake it's fucked man they're running away from us yeah it's pain man like I don't know about is have you ever came across anybody that's happy I have not the only people that I know get that get a real true taste of happiness of people that that are on their sober path really I'll be honest with you I you know like Kirk for instance he he he has elements of happiness but he struggles a lot but I think I'm the happiest that I've ever been you look good yeah eyes are clear yeah they're not bloated yeah you could tell couldn't you yeah you can tell the fatness and yeah the beer I'm on the booze now mate foxy that's just the chocolate in it mate well that's one thing I can't give up mate I have chocolate just before I go sleep in bed mate I love it it's bad that's why I can't get I can't get rid of that a little bit there how are you getting on with the boxing because I've seen you training me you have a thing I'm odd man yeah I was I was signed up and everything they were just about to launch we were just talking about it they were just about to launch my fight on misfits um I paired up with a guy called Christian Hanby sent me the contract because I signed mine and everything and then he pulled out just as we was about to go live like I think I was you know I was looking too good what month it was what is this one isn't it is why is that yes this one is coming up now but but I think it's a blessing in disguise because ksi ain't on this one you've got to be on the one where ksi's on you know I mean the rest the rest and yeah if I imagine if ksi jake pool you get on that on the card mate fucking you're you're 13 year olds who ran a world are going to know that you'll be doing tech talk but there's a fucking makeup on next tell me how's it my she's doing doing it all yeah she's thinking it's just another no no I'm thinking I feel really bad talking about certain stuff like you know about talking about getting nicked and stuff like that because I'm trying to keep her out of it because she doesn't really want she she obviously gets a lot of people talking the M and R and that and she's kind of stepped away from because you know she was a model and stuff like that and um one thing that she she hadn't done that she needed to do for herself was because I was doing the right of my money for the last fucking nine years she ain't had a job and I think it was driving her insane you know it was just my career my life and everything and she was sat at home you know I was out fucking playboy lifestyle and that so one of the things was when we got back to after we had whatever happened uh she went out and she got herself a job and then she's fucking flown up the the ranks in this job she got a fucking promotion in the space of like a month she's living her own life doing her own thing she's very happy we got stuff to talk about at the end of the day but she said she started saying to me over the last sort of four or five weeks you're looking good I'm really proud of you well done you know I she went away to Amsterdam probably shagging this weekend I had the kids all weekend and she was texting me you know I stayed off to social media as much as I could I've done maybe two or three videos of me and the girls um doing something on my story but I stayed off you know and I really had a great time really had a really good time just me and the two girls over the weekend and she come back she gave me a big big kiss in the cuddly said I'm so proud of you and um sorry that's making me a little bit fucking but that that stuff makes me um that stuff makes me realise sort of how much shit I'm fucking I'm sorry mate that's okay bro that stuff sort of makes me realise how much shit I must have put through with the drink and the drugs and that to see how happy she is now so but that shows you how much she loves you yeah like if you've not got her I'm going to be honest with man you're probably dead yeah mate I think so do you know what I mean sorry that's okay man this is what it's all about it's to show the pain it's to show the struggle but it's also to show that way we don't need to pretend do you know what I mean that you fucked up many times yeah she's still there but she you're obviously there for a reason do you know what I mean that whether it's soul mates or people real that because even my message is not even if they get away working on that I get over I'll overthink I'll post more because I pretend oh and then I'll they'll try and phone her I'll maybe not answer it yeah and I'm thinking but I want to speak to them but I want them to know that I'm not missing them so that they miss me it's like mind games you play mind games like how do you deal with your misses in that way like because me as a man I struggle my message I think oh she she fucking many dicks she's something I mean goes yeah no when I was when I was drinking and using I was paranoid I was bad I was really bad and that's what caused this friction you know I mean I was paranoid and bad the drugs and the drink really used to send me send me west not my ADHD would come back and you know I'd say all sorts of mad shit but in all honesty honest truth honest truth you know she went she she got on the plane on the Friday night and we spoke maybe twice while she was away and I was completely fine I'm fine I'm you know put it this way if she ever wanted to leave me fuck me she's she's she's out you know what I mean we got married she's getting half of everything anyway do not I mean if she if she wanted to get married and jump ship mate fuck trust me a couple of months after the when she had the fucking choice she you know I went away done done done work on myself you know and come back and you know she you know she she was there and she was like right let's see if you can do this and you know a fucking fair I mean it's not just because you know I'm good looking at stuff like that and I'm wedged up she actually likes me you've got a McLaren on that once that goes mate she might go I'll spend the money mate what's what scares you the most oh my I don't know I guess my losing control again I think and yeah my kid's opinion of me when I'm and that's what's motivating me now something bad happening that's what scares me you know to how I deal with something really bad happening you know because at the moment the last 120 days is it's been all right but nothing's happened do you know what I mean yeah but seem you're on drinking drugs you don't really care if you live or die well basically because you're self-harming anyway seem you become sober you become more sensitive to the environment around you I'm always aware anyway I was always aware even when I was on the sniff I was always in control with situations when you come off it you realize wait a minute like because of the people I interview as well I know how fucking dark the world is it might seem like a beautiful place some fucking man with the kids and the partner but you don't know if he's a fucking nonce as well like I'm constantly on guard with my kids that are 12 and I seem I'm more fearful and worried about shit now I'm sober you're right I'm orange you feel everything and you see everything I mean you know just the stuff you know like my eldest daughter you know her being slightly aware of you know when I'm not quite with it do not mean are you all right you how are you today daddy and thinking fuck me she's so in tune imagine if I was drunk imagine if I was angry and da da da da da so I think I think what scares me the most in life is what them girls are going to think of me in you know when they're older and that's what's keeping me motivated to to just be good when are you at your happiest when I'm on my own with them at bedtime I think just before I'm putting them to bed if they fucking manage to calm down but yeah I think when it's me and them and my wife lying in bed and the dogs and it's just about to go to bed and I know that I dealt with a day I don't know I think so yeah maybe then a mixture between then then and when I come up with saying well funny would you think your dad would see you know oh thank fuck yeah yeah my dad would um my dad knew he was getting bad fucking in 2017 you know just before he died my dad said to drink in too much um but you know um I think I think my dad would um he'd be proud now yeah because I'm proud of you and that's it I remember my dad dying I whispered in his ear I'm sorry he's seen me fucked he's seen imagine dying in seniors one of your kids that he's worst yeah my dad didn't know I was full of weed I was taking valium like my dad died I told her story actually my dad that's a fucked up story mate this is so fucked up this is how my mind was then my dad get diagnosed with leukemia right and it was a remission then I get a phone call he used to get bloods every week it came back he says like three months to live I just started smoking and I was a fucking lost can plus I was gambling like fuck I was doing bad things to feed my habits and my dad was in the house basically dying and when he used to go for meals I used to just stay in my room smoke joints in gamble and then obviously three months comes it was like four or five months he dies dies on the couch and I was already fattening around they're all grieving I'm grieving and my young nephew is fucking getting murdered God rest his soul but we're smoking joints all the family all went out we phone a delivery but my dad knew the man from the delivery shop so I was pretending to be my dad my dad's in the couch dead undertakers have come in and fixed his bodies lying in the couch like that I'm pretending to be my dad it sounds to look me if I don't answer the door just came in just came in and then take the money so my dad's lying in the bed I put a 20 quid in his hand mate and the poor bastard's chapter door we're hiding in the kitchen he's come in mate we're looking through the slot in the doors mate and he's he's pushing my dad's body to him to him I'm here and he's took the 20 pound left of pizza in the floor fucked up are you okay I'm not as it was either out of paint he's faced me I had to do something man so the poor bastard took the 20 quid out his hand that my head was fried mate but what did you do it for a laugh like I think so our nerves are just fear and everything so he's lying there but did your man have a sense of humor oh yeah I think hopefully and I'm just straight to hell so he's fucking lying there dude I put it we all the delivery was like a bad pizza I was like 17 quid I said just take that take the full money the guys came through the door I mean he's jammed jammed and he's giving like a re-shake he's fucking all frauds and stuff he must have fucking known how do I hang it does the fucking thing is what about the fucking delivery jar we could have caught an ambulance or something yeah it took the 20 quid meeting fucked off oh mate my mate I was I was drunk and everything with my father passed away as well and I can remember I was oh mate it's mad the things we do isn't it in those situations it's like we go into hyper normality it's like you're trying to be normal but over the top normal yeah my dad was on a um life support machine and uh he'd had a stroke and that and uh my phone was dead and I wanted to do some social media you know I thought I'd get a picture selfie with him on the thing so I was putting out plugs in that and the alarm started going off I'm not even lying yeah and the doctor comes and you can't pull plugs out in here that's starting your dance machine yeah but I wanted to get on snapchat inside so that the method that's how I know I'm was deranged that's not normal family laugh about it some still take it a bit personal but that's fucking all right you know I mean that was just the way I was dealing with it the time I thought make a joke out of a sad situation maybe not the right moment no but but it's you know your mental health was fucked yeah you got you were gone and the good thing about the body and the mind that does repair itself I'm all about trying to understand the mind and read it but I just think there's so much there's so much information out there now I can go and tick tock for three four hours watching mad videos about aliens and underwater fucking worlds and the moon and I'm thinking what information am I getting here getting a lot as my mind is it just non-stop as well so I need to be careful that what I'm consuming because yard what you consume just as much yard what you eat and yard what you speak yeah I think the I think the one thing I've learned through sobriety and doing these doing these podcasts especially with people like Robert Highsey the does the unconscious mind therapy and and people is is that you know and this guy that I was talking to he wrote a book alcohol explained and he was he was very much like you're your your subconscious mind and this is what I think I done with when I was triggered the other day is you know something bad happens or something good happens whatever there's a there's a pattern of events happening you go I'll have a drink you know you get back from work you put your bag down you sit down you turn the TV on you know it's like the mood is quite dim and you're like oh I'll have a wine you know the alcohol fits into things and it's your subconscious mind goes boom boom same as when you go to a pub and if you're with a certain group of people you have a few drinks you have the packet you have someone will make a call you know and it's like everyone at the same time goes should we make a call should make a call should make a call it's the habit kicks in and a lot of people that are scared to go so well because they don't they don't know if they'll ever be able to stop thinking and doing that it 100 fucking changes at the beginning of my sobriety every Friday and Saturday I was getting fucking triggered on the lead up I was getting triggered I was but once it takes about 90 days to reprogram your I don't know what the correct word is like the pathways a neurological pathway takes 90 days 90 days to create a new habit this guy was telling me so if you can last 90 days of like religiously getting up and going to the gym 90 days I'm not drinking parcel then weekends and everything then those those triggers those newer pathways are different and and you know you won't those triggers become less and less and less and like now it doesn't really it doesn't unless something happens in the week really the weekends come and go for me now do you not worry for your kids with social media yeah I do especially if they see the shit I've been posting yeah but yeah well there's the people I was showing that girlfriend the video and I don't know if it was voice over a lot but your your daughter was doing that gymnastics I saw me was shouting no you know kids of shit you know the kids of shit we're going to the Olympics yeah I think your message was telling you to shut up man I was asking myself like yeah yeah well what I did I got loads of flag for that but what I done is she was doing her gymnastics and I was just videoing and I just went babe and she just turned around and went on that but I cut that a bit out and put over because like when I went babe all the parents turn around but yeah voice over going your kids is shit we're going to fucking fuck up you know but yeah you know that was extreme stuff but I find that really funny yeah I'm funny foxy little I done with my dad yeah man she was that me I tried I tried stand up comedy man and it's yeah I just felt was if every comedian I came across was nuts man yeah you kind of definitely you become a different character because you saw out the two there talking about that like because you weren't in a good fucking place then let me know feel pressure no I'll tell you what the mad thing is all my big big stand-up shows I was fucked like my the troxy show do you know like this is the mad thing the trip I was sort of going on and off sober when I done the troxy the troxy is about 3000 people or something like that sold it out massive show called good vibes only it's all about how I become positive and positive thinking and I done uh it's like it's a month till the show do you know what I'm going sober till the show because I want to be firing on all cylinders because I plan this whole bit at the beginning where I take a camera the guy would have a camera with me and I'll be walking around talking to the audience and the camera was projecting up onto a max itself huge venue a massive screen so it was and I knew everyone was going to be off their nuts so I was pulling people up off that was all right mate what's your name and they were like acting and it was hilarious and I had all this stuff planned but I needed to be firing on all cylinders to be able to to do that level of audience interaction and control the crowd that big you have to be like come sharp and like all kind of like fucking dominate the audience so four weeks before the show I decided to go sober so I went sober I was over in Spain was going sober and all of that all the way up flew over the night before and Chaz had come to the fucking hotel the night before and we got on the packet and done an all night that night before and he left and I got in a fucking taxi on the way the daylight the birds fucking going still off me now on the way to the venue fucking going what the fuck have I done with my life and then I can remember hear it like I had to stay in there all day doing the rehearsals with the fears and try not to fall asleep so I've been up all night then I had the crowds coming in terror was there somehow I smashed it it was a great show check that sales sabotage yeah yeah I don't know what that is but me and my counselor talk about it because like same as my wedding same as my wedding and the birth birth of both my kids after my kids were born I went out the wet the baby's head and fucking went the craziest I've ever fucking gone it's weird it's fear sales sabotage fear you're not gonna feel that you're going to feel fear that fuck it before it gets fucked yeah because it's all going to get fucked anyway but it's not really because even when we talked about you being cats canceled I says it was you it canceled yourself yeah that fuck everybody else no matter what they say now or do that they can make say what they do what they want I don't fucking care anymore I'm just at a stage I know how hard I work I'm just trying to do the right thing I'm not trying to be controversial but I've got to see how you feel yeah you've got it and listen that's why your audience like you that and that's what I'm finding with my podcast people will find in refreshing that we're talking like we're talking now you can't you can't connect with real people out there without talking about without talking real without talking about real things you know how do you think all these men out there that the similar ages of us that are coming up what's happening is they've spent their year the years of their life enjoying the party like I did going out the weekends partying partying and then the party turned into oh well do you know what this is a bit shit during the week I'll have a bit of that a bit of that and suddenly now they've got a family kids and a business or responsibilities and the party should stop and they don't know how to how do you expect them to sit in front of a doctor or someone that's never been there never been through that and take advice from them they can't they need people that have been there been through it are at the other end of it and trying to cope and trying to find ways to stay like that that's what they need what about longevity how do you stay in the business and still survive because you've got to recreate yourself 10 years 15 years you just got to recreate you so you've got to move with the times man like you've got to keep moving with the times I didn't want to go on tiktok because I thought I'd fucking it's a bit noncy you know what I mean I'm 38 years old I thought it but I'm nearly a million on tiktok now do you know what I mean and and plus the content's got to stay relevant and you've got to just know your audience I think you know just entertain like for instance I don't do jokes about shagging birds no more because I ain't shagging birds do you know what I mean I'm really fat to me you know I'm doing jokes I'm doing jokes about you know political satire about my kids because that's what it is you've just got to be honest with your comedy do you think comedy's changed yeah man people are scared but that leaves a great opportunity for people like myself to to fill the gap you know what I mean why do you think people are so scared to speak out cancelled man but I've seen a lot of people speaking out now I go on good on you people I never thought I would see you speaking out yeah but you've got to look at what they're speaking out on and you know it's one thing speaking out it's another thing being the first to speak out on the subject do you know what I mean if people are speaking out on something is it something that's becoming popular to speak out on or are they speaking out but cancels for me is like we've done their Andrew Tate cancels for me we've done with Tommy Robinson just take all their platforms away yeah that's bad have you ever had that did you no because because I don't know no because you know you have to be it's weird you have to be like grooming I don't know how they've done that I don't even know how they managed to do that when it wasn't even I don't know how they managed to justify doing that to Andrew Tate I don't personally man like I've we speak quite frequently like I've met before yeah I was one of the first to have a morning podcast now have his back man and people give me shit for it but I think you guys innocent listen don't get me wrong if you get 75 girls working for you there's got about an element of control but he genuinely is a respectful guy genuinely is a kind hearted man like and I would say that a public I've said it many times and I had the money podcast that's an act a lot of the stuff what he says is a power phone he directs it perfectly for people to listen because as human beings as men especially we're looking for guidance he was a man to guide them listen there's no convictions he's strong he's a multi-millionaire that is a good father that he's got so many great positives that we can look up to but yet we've got Sam Smith it's pushed us down the fucking road and I'm not most of the better one it's very difficult the Andrew Tate situation is very difficult especially like my missus she's seen all the negative stuff so she you know she says you know you better not support and all this stuff and I'm like right well it's best best we just don't even talk about it babe you know I don't want to get into it because I can relate to a lot of things he said some dumb shit he said a lot of dumb shit right which I in turn have also said a lot of dumb shit but also I try and do good and say the right thing but are you not going to listen to the right thing I've said and keep on bringing up you know people drag up people's past because they got nothing on who they are now now he has said dumb shit in the past and stupid stuff in the past but a lot of the stuff that he says towards men I think is what men are fucking lacking that positivity go out and fucking work out go to the gym you know deal with your problems by trying to better yourself you know you know if you want to get over if you want to get over a woman go and make yourself successful the problem is women these days and this is very true I've experienced it myself women these days and and feminism has got to the point where even being supportive of other men pisses off women you know even trying to I mean I set up that group men and their emotions we've got 30,000 men in there that are all talking the amount of fucking women that try and join it and we've got to say no you can't join it they've got partners in there and stuff like that and the amount of messages I get when you're going to set up a group for women why do you only care about men I'm like I'm a fucking man do you know what I mean I don't know what women go through I'm trying to help men and that's where it's got to unfortunately and he was trying to spread a positive message to men on such a big scale that he became a huge target but saying that he has said some awful shit as well yeah of course but I don't think he realised how big he was going to get yeah when you're doing that shit for attention because he knows what he's saying do you know what I mean he knows he's going to get bites for that he knows he's going to create controversy but for me hopefully while he get out I genuinely don't know I just seen a video and they are getting moved prisons they've really kept him in haven't they stayed silent and he looked fucking drained I don't know if we don't know what's happening behind closed doors but that's an only time we'll tell this and if he does get found guilty I'll be the first to say look okay well I apologise but right now I've got his back man I'm not going to hide away like a lot of people and that's the sad thing but even for men like I don't know man it's like why do you think it's am I so weird for people which right because we speak about mental health so much it's then created people who then struggle more with mental health instead of case I back the veal that's some fucking man up toughing up just got on with no cunt cares no cunt does care but do you think because we speak about it because it's an old time hey something's not right yeah I think I think it's difficult you've got to add the right message like I think I think there's a happy medium and sometimes even I can get it wrong I think I don't you know just saying look you know people struggle everyone struggles you know if you're down and depressed you know you need to admit it and stuff like that the way you say it is right what we need to be saying is you need to look for the answers the reasons why if you you know you can't complain about being depressed down and your life's going shit if you're abusing drink drinking drugs you just can't I was doing the same thing I thought I was suffering heavily hard with mental health and problems and stuff like that but no it was addiction you know so work on your addiction work on cutting out the drinking drugs then have a look at your mental health and then if you're still struggling and you're not exercising then look at that and if you're exercising you're clean and sober and you've still got issues then go and seek help it's not I had the gear I used to snort I had a drug smuggler on he was saying there's rat poison it was petrol the cement you don't even know what you sniff fucking acid like tyres that cause cancer right yeah and we worry why we're struggling mate fucking hell yeah I used to fucking you know you know the ones where you sniff and then you're sick straight away and then afterwards you can't talk for 45 minutes that ain't gear but it's the proper it came out the edges stopped proper probably been out in the rough seven eight years that for me in anyway and acting they're stopped after but ah one grammar at man you're tuned to him in for at least 48 hours you're gone I was always the last to leave always because there was something in the add I don't want to go home I don't want to go home I don't want to party in because my life's sad my life's miserable I don't ever want to go back to that mate like you know um it's mad to think that we do that yeah looking back now isn't it it's fucking that psychotic behavior you should have been a loony bin that why sit in our house fill a random people sit on your top off talking shit it's fucking nuts mate it's like a fucking gay festival it's a sausage first it's always fighting everybody's shagging this and that you're just sitting with random guys talking pure shit yeah you got your shirt off talking about fights you ain't never had yeah murders you've never done yeah banks you've never robbed I told someone I knew very well that I'd done fucking proper time in prison and the next day I woke up I was like I ain't never been a prison mate like he probably knows that I ain't never been a prison because I went to school with him and I've seen him fucking every couple of months since but a guy's like mate that was mad what was it like in there yeah yeah but why did why does it as for a meal why do we go that low why do we stoop that low in our life that we don't love ourselves enough that we have to do that shit because we don't get praised mate to be honest with you you know we don't men men don't get praised and men don't I think this is a big part of it all I think this is a big part of why men feel low and worthless is because it's got to the point now that everything that we've got to do is just considered standard you know to get yourself to a position where women like you know fit healthy looking good you know earning good money I mean how many men out there do you know that I really earn him really good money there's not a lot of them there's not a lot of them right and even if you get even if you manage to get yourself a half decent house a half decent wage and you know you're getting yourself looking fairly good and you're holding your shit together does anyone say well done does anyone say thank you does your does your white you know you're providing you're going out working you know you're even working too much sometimes and not spending enough time with the kids or you know you're at home all the time not working enough it's very very difficult for men to get appreciated properly and I think that's a problem yeah that's sad as well innit because but even men really to tear each other down yeah and I fire I fire shots back I love it yeah it's not me nothing like I've left quite a few I've left I'm re-entered a lot of my mates friendship groups you know where especially when I was using yeah this is the photos and the videos and everybody getting slaughtered like in Glasgow especially like no matter if you're doing good or bad you're always going to be a talking point and that's the sad reality that it's not that people are bad that people just don't want to see you doing better than them and if they do this they feel inadequate they feel as if they're not good enough and then they go back in their shell for me I'll go wait a minute I'm going to work harder than I might like to successfully use clues yeah it's good you know we should you know we don't give each other presents at Christmas we don't buy each other gifts good gifts for birthdays and do cards and stuff like that because we're men with geysers but instead of that we should you know I'm quite lucky I've got you know I've got a few good really good mates that will see I'm doing well and will message and say and they're supportive and we've got a group where we put in our little you know I've done this I've just got this job you know the other lads you know Chazer's working his ass off we like to tell him you know I mean he's fucked being Chazer for a day because the geyser don't know what's going on you know he's finished the job and he's he's finished one job you know what I mean and he's meant to go on to the next one and he gets confused and goes back and and he's fucked in the head I don't know how he does it but he's managing to build that business so he's turning over some money so we make sure we tell him well done good days graph brother do you know what I mean well done with your business and and we do that with each other and I think that's really important how can we help men in this society for your end but how would you think should be in place for to help men who are struggling just stuff like the Andy man's Andy's man's club I think is good stuff I don't know that's a difficult one because there's a lot of stuff that's that's out there but I don't know men just need to be men more and be around men more you know without drinking drugs I think the only way we know how to socialize is down the pub with drinking drugs and that's negative it's destructive we need to find ways to socialize more without that see I was always for it's okay not to be okay and speak out and you can be sensitive and you can cry listen you can but you can't keep doing it you keep repeating that same cycle it's only going to lead to death man but you've got to dig deep man you've got to find that strength you've got to find that courage to then I'm going to change my life because you don't need to sit in silence especially but again you've still got to come to the conclusion that no cunt cares as much as you would love to that I'm doing we always want to pat in the back but then again I think what for yeah just get fucking on with that yeah you're right but I think I think maybe if they could you know like I knew always knew that doing drugs was bad you know I wouldn't want to do heroin or you know I thought that certain drugs were bad but certain drugs were right and booze is okay and you know I don't know why it took me till 38 to realize that I was I was I was on a fucking constant merry-go-round I was happy five minutes I'm fucking down for 24 hours happy five minutes and there needs to be more in education I think you know how exercise really does help how you can be in tune with your thoughts and negative thoughts and how you can train your subconscious mind not to do the same thing over again if it's negative and what will really happen if you drink at excess you know need the kids need to learn that shit booze is a biggest killer yeah it's a biggest killer out there but yeah we glorify it we glorify it it's weird man people don't want to stop drinking because you know it takes a pain away though yeah but when you say to someone when you go in the pub and someone goes you want to drink and you go nah they go whoa what's wrong with you huh where you got a problem it's weird it's the only drug people think you're weird for not taking in it yeah everything else is came down the alcohol one like I don't explain myself in one never on a pub anyway but when I go to events and stuff I'll say no and everybody seems to be fine for the first ever so there's a couple of pints kick in so there's a couple of wine kicks in it's loud it's asking about guests it's all what you're doing or this or that you found fuck off man yeah but I don't surround myself you'll never find me in a club you'll never find me drinking that I don't think of anything worse now right it's just for me that's low vibration it's low energy and it's I've been that life and when I talk about weakness that I was weak for so many years now I'm confident I take a bit of pride in myself like I know there's still a lot to work on I believe I'm with I believe in my 40s I'll be in my prime I believe I'm only starting I've always says I believe everything I've learned to unwire and rewire and just try and see the world definitely everything I'm learning is going to click want to click this year next year and then everything will make sense because that eating clean is massive as well I want longevity I want to slowly learning about everything but it's hard like even just even just cutting out the drinks and drugs is hard and then when you start going into it like too much caffeine eating better managing your thoughts working out but that compounded effect of slowly slowly progress and also just being confident in your own skin and being happy with your own fucking being happy in your home man being happy with your own like I love my time to myself now being happy with yourself and I think I needed drink and drink and drugs to be around other people man like you know I mean I just was like I think that's why I don't like being in a pub or in big groups of people now because I'm like I don't actually want to be there I needed to drink and drugs to turn me into a bit of a twat to get involved yeah you know but that's the scary thing people need it for confidence yeah if anything it takes away a confidence confidence I can walk in any room and I walk my hair till time I walk anywhere always proud always in a confident place that I don't need to be hiding don't shy away I've never broke over the last five years I've been doing this I've never brought a forward it's a couple of pricks it was spoke shit and I fired a couple of videos back I'll always defend myself from the end of the day I ain't a fucking idiot I ain't a fucking idiot do you know what I mean because I I try and speak a bit professionally I ain't a fucking mug yeah I know mate anybody ever put it on me I'm always down forward never run away from a fight in my life where I tell a liar once I get fucking punched in the in the tunnel nightclub years ago and I got fucking ambushed and I fucked off other than that I've never yeah he can't lie he was like just in case that people are listening and they call me and say you're lying bastard yeah I change up yeah yeah one time in the tunnel I was out man and I thought fuck this I'm offering across the bar and stuff but other than that you're not a big fucking unit yeah you are yeah I wouldn't want to fight you I hope they don't try and match me because I wouldn't have it so talking about defeating again like first of all foremost I want to say I'm proud of you thank you mate you've always got it in you you're always going to do well you're always going to be successful you're always going to fuck it come back but this time seems different yeah do you know what I mean but this time seems different yeah I don't ever want that phone call again to save your on a calm down or you fucked it yeah the scary thing is we look for that we look for the answers I was giving you the answers but you didn't want to know yeah I was I was in a really bad way when I bring you but you look I had to go through that pain man and I think you know I'm feeling good I feel like I've admitted and and that's why I don't mind talking about it now I think it's helpful to talk about it I've admitted I'm good the I like pushing myself now and you know the the boxing I spar three times a week and the boxing is great for me it is scary and and that but I mean the gym that I'm in they don't fuck about they make you properly spar like proper you know three three or four I mean when I was training for the fight recently I was going up getting up to five six rounds do you know what I mean and you know by the by the full for fifth or six you're fucked but I mean I mean proper fighting full blown um sparring and it's one of them ones you're driving there in the morning really early in the morning you're driving then you're like I don't want to do this and that's why I do it I wanted to get comfortable in those extreme situations and I think that's what's great about the cold water challenges is being in there and wanting to get out but overcoming your thinking I think it's very similar to sobriety do you know I mean if you can overcome that thinking yeah you know I think there's power in that and I think the boxing any sort of combat yeah do you know what it turns into a man yeah it does yeah I love it I like it here and I like I like fucking it's scary because when I was actually for the fight last year at the O2 I thought I was training hard I blew after the first two minutes yes I was doing eight rounds a free yes energy man and try to be calm okay yeah I'm fine the manly shit I wasn't because I was never getting knocked out I was fighting a fucking 95 kilo monster fucking they're scary man I don't care what anyone says I don't care what anyone says sparring and if you're sparring properly against people that can box sparring is fucking terrifying but when you're in the mix if you can think under fire you know if you can behave if you and that's what I love that you know and I'll tell you what there's nothing better than walking out of that ring and then saying fucking you had a good fight there you think I fucking knew I was hard yeah I fucking knew it you know not the one up yeah yeah once you start actually starting I'm at that stage now where my movement like I can anticipate shots I can duck I can weave I can bob I can move from shots I mean you're not getting it right all the time you're getting fucked but when I'm eating shots I'm staying composed you know I mean so okay we left an a leg in oh that was the thing you lift the legs you lift the legs to cover your tummy like I'm getting your leg down that's what my trainer's going what are you trying to do have a piss put your leg down um but no I'm like you know you expect in the pain expecting the shots taking the shots and staying composed and also firing under fire that's one thing that takes a long time to learn you know getting getting the body shots and the fucking severe head shots and still putting your work in in because it takes months and months and months to not take them shots and get the fuck out of there you know what I mean so working on the fire and um you know I just had a well I had a few days off because my Mrs was in Amsterdam and um I fucking got a pain in my back and all I had maybe four days off and I went back in this morning for the first time and fuck me did I feel it I knew I could feel just that four days out of the ring the flow the confidence had gone and so I'm fully addicted to it so what do you do now then which are daily routine for people who are struggling looking for answers that what do you do differently I get up before everyone else gets up I get up I'm up at silly o'clock I'm up like four thirty five o'clock in the morning just naturally anyway but if not setting the alarm and work on I work on myself for an hour before anything else I have to so I write my diary any negative thoughts that I have got in my head there's always stress so I get it out and just fucking agree that it's not that stressful um and then I just stop planning my day mate I plan I plan my whole day what content I'm going to create what I want to talk about where I'm going to be and I make sure before my kids get up I get my exercise in so my kids their first viewing me every day is I'm coming in I'm coming I'm like whoa daddy's here what's going on I'm ready for the day do you know what I mean they get that first of all and I do the school run now every morning my mrs. got a job and I get my school running so I get my taste taste of being a dad and get the school running I come back and then and then I'm ready to be dappled ass that's life that's love I love it do you know what I mean like it becomes repetitive and it becomes whether it's boring or in peace it's the best way to be yeah I feel and and that's what my that's what shelly is my wife is proud of me doing the school run and keeping my fitness and losing the weight and not drinking she ain't proud about the house the mccaron or the money I mean fuck all because she was with you before you had you and you're on your ass you're not driving a TT or something yeah yeah yeah still all that though but I said I'm fucking proud of you but just before we're getting out of five ten minutes just for just for people who struggle and we'll try and get a bit of guidance how to get out of that I don't know all the answers but I can only speak from where I've come from what changes I made and that was taking full responsibility and ranking it down what I've learned is even though when you're writing the negative thoughts down don't keep them in them because you're keeping them there and the universe so the universe doesn't know which way or if it's fake whether it's positive right get rid of it right to get rid of it you burn that and it's done okay you've you just kind of you're facing it and it's done but keep them there the universe is thinking okay you're still thinking these you're still thinking you're still thinking these doesn't know once it's the one because if you write something down it becomes 60 70 percent more chance at happening so if you're writing the negative shit down as well it's like you're affirming it isn't it yeah so that's why if I am a compulsive gambler I thought no I'm not I'm recovered I'm nearly five years that I'm recovered I don't know what's round the corner I'll cross that bridge if anything ever happens I hope not but I just know like if for people who's struggling write down what you're struggling with for me it was drink drugs gambling womenizing overweight wasn't happy so I wrote down I eliminated everyone then I get seven days then I get 30 days I remember having a four month mark and I thought wow and then I started seeing the world differently I realized everything I'd learned everything I'd done in my life was wrong that wasn't right like I love my friends I don't really the ones from the past I hardly ever see I've got two close friends my big friend Barry and big pal Jamesy but you when you go through changes it becomes lonely so for anybody that it's listening it's a such a lonely journey that you've got everything externally from the outside but it doesn't mean you've got completion it's a very it's a very lonely journey going so and and I think I think um sorry to interrupt James but I think um I think be prepared to face face some shit man like the clarity the clarity that you get from sobriety is scary you know you think and feel everything again and I think that you go through a phase or fucking I went through a horrible phase of oh my god I did that oh my god I did that oh my god I did that oh my god I did that and you go over things a little bit and then that kind of felt was out and now I'm like oh my god I'm doing this oh my god I'm doing this and um just on the on the writing down stuff something something else I'm doing that my missus does you know she must think I'm weird but I bought a big jar off of amazon massive jar and every time something good happens to me I write it on a bit of paper and I put it in the jar and it's in my office and I look at it now and it's starting to fill up with all the good things and I don't know when I'm going to do it but it's since New Year's Eve yeah New Year's Eve yeah I saw it online and I'm going to go back and look at it but what is quite nice about that is when I walk into my office I can see a jar full of all the good things that have happened and some of them are little things like you know my missus saying that I'm sexy or um you know you know when Neve's tooth fell out or something and you know it's things that she said to me or it could be work stuff opportunities that have come you know getting back on tv or that but it's nice to focus on the positive things because it's so easy to just focus on that. This is what I'm saying you bring so much positivity whether it's back in the day whether it was real or fake or it was an act or doesn't matter you're still bringing positivity to people's lives you're making people laugh certain bear you're bringing misery and people's life not always says this with Conor McGregor as soon as he started selling the whiskey things kind of started to spiral. You're right yeah that is weird isn't it it's not the universe sees it. Listen he drinks and that he probably doesn't see that but for me that that's why I couldn't take a sponsor on because I feel as if would I want something it's not being you talking about this then somebody Friday night buying a fucking keg a beer that I'm promoting. Yeah it's yeah I mean so you've got to bring it into the universe because this is all a big game yeah this is all a big game affirmations I'll go over the morning I am good enough I do love myself I am happy a fun in my mind I'm like I'm in a good place sometimes I don't do all that I know when I don't do it I know when I don't walk the dog in the morning if I don't do a bit of meditation kind of about fuzzing that day kind of eat a wee bit more kind of sit and watch TV so it's not always going to just because you stop the bad things it doesn't mean your life's 24-7 all rosy especially if you want to achieve I'm constantly trying to achieve and raise the bar and have fights and boxing action fight in front of thousands have a big podcast push yourself yeah you know what I mean but it doesn't mean my pains away but I just fucking know I can handle the pain more yeah I think my life changed and people's lives out there will change a lot more when you start working on yourself it's as simple as that work on yourself you know like the stuff you said to me I try to listen to many times and you know men don't work on themselves especially you don't work you don't a lot of men don't work on themselves and that's one good thing about social media that you know I follow a lot of inspirational people and I see stuff and if I see something that someone's saying that this might work to make you happy or to make you feel good I try it you know like the cold water stuff I know the exercise helps but I'm working on myself I know I'm working on myself I'm working on my mental health I'm working on my well-being I'm working on being a better person don't give up on yourself yeah for anybody watching that's maybe under struggle right now what advice would you have for them um talk to someone about it man like you don't have to go to a professional you talk to someone about it you'd be surprised if you just turn around to your your wife or your other half or a friend and say I think I've got a drink or a drug problem or a gambling issue it'd be like a weight off your shoulders once you say it out loud you can start start fixing it I think would you ever have any more kids um when the missus is ready to shag me again I think yeah I mean she's she's a career girl career woman now so I don't know I don't know but um I'm up for it mate that terrified me before but now relationships are hard as well that people think oh I'll get a relationship well I love my misses and that but we're working progress we have to talk like communication is key like if you're coming into your relationship and I'm coming we felt years with a fucking trauma yeah yeah two kids yeah I'm coming with a lot of baggage people might say oh he's doing well or this don't mean fuck oh yeah because what happens is when you what I realized when I was in a new relationship all trauma would come up that's the first time I've actually spoke about it with someone and we've addressed it and we've worked at it and we've kind of pushed through it and this is probably this is the longest relationship I've ever had yeah you've got to and I think I think listen we don't do it enough as men like look at yourself look at what's wrong man like the the best thing that I've done in the last year is is admitted how much of a prick I can be you know and there's there's there's there's relief from that you know we have to go for the future but I give me a future plans do you know what I can't believe I cried man what did we say when we were walking on a podcast let's have fun but before we go um I want you to come on my podcast when I can when I can lay down and from the bottom of my heart I just want to say thank you for for being there when I've called um thank you for um coming coming and finding me when you could see I was falling I love you man I'm proud of you thank you