 Hello there, my beautiful, lovely internet friends. Welcome back to my channel. I'm gonna use my puppy here as an oven rest. As you may notice, he does not mind. This is Leo, this is Sophie, and they will be my co-host for today's video. Dating, let's talk about it. This is not an easy subject for anybody. I think being a single person in general and intentionally trying to be in the dating world comes with a lot of challenges, situations, weird things. And I had never really dated prior to now. All throughout high school, I had like one high school boyfriend in college. I had like a couple short-term relationships, and then like, bam, I was in a decade-long relationship. I was married for seven years. And about a year ago, I got divorced and have since then decided to re-enter the world of dating. But if you didn't notice, here's the thing. I have a very visible difference. My leg is gone. Most people tend to notice that. And there were a lot of concerns and situations that came along with the idea of trying to date now as a person with a disability, as a woman with a prosthetic leg, that I genuinely wasn't sure how I would be received. Like if people would be awful about it, if people really wouldn't care, everything in between. I've talked to so many of my friends, both able-bodied and disabled, and everyone's experience in the dating world is their experience. And so this is just mine. But I wanna tell you about what it has been like trying to date as an amputee. What are some of the weirdest things people have said? Do I tell people up front before we actually meet up for a date? How does that conversation go? Without further ado, let's dive into it. So as I was thinking about dating again, I was watching YouTube videos and hearing other people's perspectives. And one of the first questions I had was do I let someone know in like a dating profile or before I meet up with them or if they don't know, do I let them know that I'm an amputee? I talked to a lot of my disabled friends and like I said, also watched videos where people are very split on this topic. It's not like there's a right or a wrong answer. It really comes down to what you personally want, how you wanna handle those conversations. For me, I have taken the approach that I've taken with everything else in my life with the prosthetic, which is to just make it really clear. I had no interest in like showing up to a date where someone would assume that I was an able-bodied person and I walk in with a prosthetic and there's that moment where I imagine someone would be like, is it okay to ask about this? Can I make a comment about it? You know, if they're weird out by it and don't wanna be there, are they gonna take off, things like that? I wanted to avoid any of that awkwardness or me being, you know, made to feel uncomfortable. And so I've just made it extraordinarily clear. I'm missing a leg. It also kind of makes it so that I'm not gonna end up on a date with someone who would have a problem with me being an amputee because obviously they would not be my type and I would not be theirs. I made the assumption that it probably would be an issue for a lot of people. And you know what? Much to my shock, it really hasn't been. Re-entering the world of dating has come with, oh, so many points for personal development. I have learned how to communicate so much more clearly in the past year, you know, across the board, but especially when it comes to any kind of romantic situation, I have gotten really good at clearly stating where I am, what I'm looking for, what I'm in it for. Am I just dating around? Am I looking for a long-term relationship? Whatever that is, I try to be very upfront with the person I'm talking to about exactly where I am. And I am extremely lucky that so far, I have not had incredibly negative experiences in the past year period when it comes to dating. But then also additionally, the thing that really surprised me was more than anything, I think it becomes a point of conversation. Like I make it really clear that it is not something I am ashamed of or that like I won't talk about within reason, no question is weird, nothing's off the table. Like I will tell you anything you wanna know. And being really open about that encourages other people to be really open in response, right? And I think for me, if someone is asking questions and then also pretty quickly like making jokes about it, that's a really good sign for me. Now with that being said, I will say that sometimes people are too interested and that makes it feel difficult to be seen as a person because honestly, missing a leg is a very small part of my identity. Obviously here on the internet, it's a pretty large part of what I talk about, but in real life, it's just life for the most part. So there are times where someone will message me and like all of their questions immediately, like how'd you lose your leg? And then it's like follow up, follow up, follow up. And it's only about that. And that feels more like work rather than a conversation or like do we have any kind of connection kind of thing. Like I said, questions are absolutely fine. But if that is the only thing someone is interested in talking about, not a big fan of that. And that has happened a number of times. Dad don't listen to this next part. Additionally, something that I have watched out for is if someone is too interested in my little nub in here or the fact that I have a prosthetic leg because there certainly are people out there who have fetishes surrounding disability and that is not something that I am personally into at all. I've had a lot of really bad experiences in the world of being on social media enough to know that I have zero interest in being objectified for missing a leg. It feels awful. And so that is something that I've been very cautious about and thankfully have not had anything bad happen in that realm. Genuinely the people that I've been on dates with or I have dated for amounts of time, it just wasn't a thing. People ask questions, I share information like anything else about someone but it's not been a point of severe focus. It's also definitely not at all been a deterrent to being able to date people in my personal experience so far, which I'm super grateful for. I'm certain of course that there are people who are not interested at all in dating me because I'm an amputee and that's totally their decision and their preference, right? But for the most part, it's just been a non-issue and that has been really surprising to me and also really refreshing to me. Now what I will add in though is that dating in general for kind of the first time in my life has just been a fascinating experience. I am very committed first and foremost to making sure that my head is in a good place and there have been many points over the last year and that has not been the case. So as of kind of the new year, I've been in the dating world but I realized that I'm at a place where I don't entirely know exactly what I'm looking for and as long as I am upfront with people about that, that's all right. Hi there, different day, different outfit. One of the things that I wanted to add in is the topic of safety. Unfortunately, the rate of physical violence against people and women with disabilities is a lot higher than the able-bodied population, especially in the world of dating, if you have a disability, you can be seen as more vulnerable or like an easier target for people who do not have good intentions. So that is really important to pay attention to and be aware of as crappy as it is. And this is not something that is unique to me, you know, making sure that you are safe regardless of who you are, you know, in the subject of dating, super duper important, unfortunately, but you gotta be pretty careful because it is not a safe world out there. Now this is something that I don't have anything revolutionary to share on aside from really, really, really paying attention to any gut feelings that I have. If there are any red flags in communication or like just the feeling is wrong, putting safety above feeling like I'm being rude or anything like that has always been at the top of my mind. Thankfully, there have not been many situations where, you know, my gut feeling was really bad or anything like that. But if there is ever even the hint that I'm not comfortable or that my body feels off or the situation does not feel good, that's a hard line for me and kind of all the basics of like meeting in populated public places for the first time, things along those lines, always a good idea. I would say more than the like amputee thing, the I got divorced thing is something that I feel a lot more uncomfortable talking about. Obviously I'll talk about it. I'll tell someone, you know, straight up, because I believe in honesty, especially when you're talking about dating someone and no one's like been awful about that, but it is so interesting for the first time in my life to really be working on as much self-awareness and healthy self-care as I can and asking myself the question of, you know, what is best for me? What do I really want? Do I even want a partner of any kind of long-term capacity? Is that a good thing for me? Am I in a place where I can handle that? Am I mentally healthy enough or that's a good idea? I'm still figuring all of that out, but I also just genuinely love meeting people. I love like real conversations and dating tends to afford that, right? Like you get to meet someone if you have, you know, some kind of connection, you click, you get to know this new person who you might not have met otherwise and like dive in and talk about life and learn about them and share about yourself. And it's been a great way to learn about my strength and hello, I was gonna say it. It's been a great way to learn about my strengths and weaknesses. My weaknesses in communication in particular have become clear over the past year. And like I said, I've gotten really good at being extremely direct with talking about where I am so that I do not risk leading someone on or screwing around with someone's feelings. I've really focused on nurturing that skill which is gonna be an ever-evolving process. And this is gonna sound like the most cliche thing because it is what everyone says, but one thing that I realized coming out of a marriage and with the year that this past year has been, I'm not interested in dating someone to feel whole or to feel complete. For the vast majority of my life, I have always had a significant other. So learning how to navigate the world as just me, learning how to live alone, really take care of myself has been hard. And I remain very committed to the idea that I am not going to bring someone else close into my life if I'm looking for wholeness or fulfillment from them that I should be finding in myself, in my own life. And so approaching dating, I haven't had a ton of expectations or demands or exactly what I'm looking for, what I'm not looking for. It's been just a big learning process. And this is probably one of very few, if not the only time I'll talk about the subject because as honest as I am on social media and as much as I share, I have learned the incredible value of keeping things for yourself, keeping your private life, your private life. And so, if I'm dating someone or not, that's probably not something I'm gonna be talking about in videos or on the internet in general. But the long and short of it is that so far, dating with a disability has not been a problem. And for the most part, it's been a pretty enjoyable thing which has been absolutely shocking to me because everyone I know is like dating is the worst and it sucks and yes, it is very challenging in some ways, but just being able to sort of honestly explore, see what I want for my life, make connections with people, have great friendships come out of it, which has happened to more than once where it wasn't like the connection, but I just really love these people. And so we're just friends. That's been great. And I'm sure as time goes on, I'll figure out more exactly what I'm looking for. But in the meantime, I've really enjoyed the process and have been pleasantly surprised to have very few like bad interactions with people, especially when it comes to being an amputee. Okay, so when you clicked on this video, be honest with me, did you expect some horror stories? Because honestly, I did. I expected this to go very differently than it has so far. And again, I want to reiterate that this is just my experience. I know quite a few people that have had a very difficult time in the world of dating because they were disabled in some way. And I know that that is a reality in many parts of the country. I do think that because I live in a heavily military area, there's like a lot of amputees walking around more than you would see in other parts of the country. And so I think it's something that's slightly less unusual here than it is in other places. And I've just had the honor of meeting some people who have been fantastic in general, but also about this. So yeah, that's dating. Thank you so much for joining me here today. This is my second video of 2023. After I made that video, talking about the whole Candaceauan situation, which I will link down below, I realized how much I missed making long form videos. And so thank you for watching and hanging out with me. I really enjoy being able to do this. If there's a topic you would like me to address in an upcoming video, please comment it down below. Thank you so much for spending a few minutes out of your day here with me today. You could be anywhere else in the world doing anything else, but you chose to hang out with me and Leo and Sophie, very sleepy dogs today for a few minutes and listen to me talk. If you are someone who is in the dating world, I'm curious what your experience has been. If you feel like sharing, pop some comments down below. I love you guys. I'm thinking about you and I will see you in the next video. Bye guys.