 But now with the course I discovered my biggest fear and that's my fear of rejection. And well, the most difficult is that all the rejection I got was my own rejection. And now I have to accept, I think I have to accept the awful thing that I did it all myself. But in that process I still think, well, stop smoking first, lose your weight and then do the work. Then accept yourself because it is so difficult to accept myself as I am now in kilos, I think, and smoking. And I feel that it is, I can't accept the fact that I did it all myself. And that's where I'm stuck. Yes, it really comes down to getting clear on responsibility. And already we have talked about sickness and the belief that I am responsible for making myself sick. Or we could say I am responsible for making myself overweight or a smoker. So let's look closely at the idea of responsibility. Jesus says in the Course, you are not responsible for the error, but you are responsible for accepting the correction for the error. He also says, do not project the error to time. So both of these are keys to the answer for you. When we look at the original error, it is a belief in separation from God. And that belief was so painful that it was pushed out of awareness into the unconscious. And a whole world was projected to minimize that terror. Jesus calls this moment the unholy instant. So the pain of the unholy instant is deluded to time and spaced out over millennia. So when the mind judges the body as being too big or smoking or being sick, it's simply projecting the error to time. This is what Francis referred to earlier, which he was talking about. The problems seem to be specific, like smoking or being overweight. Those are very specific problems. But we discover when we try to solve the problems in specific ways that they never all go away. There are new ones that come. And also Francis and I have talked about how the deeper you go, the problems still seem terrifying. There's a fear there, but it's non-specific. It's a non-specific terror. There is a subsection of A Course in Miracles titled, The Fear to Look Within. In fact, this whole world was made as a distraction to keep the mind from looking within. So I remember when I was in university, I was very contemplative. I was pondering what is the meaning of life. And I sensed that in order to discover this meaning, I would have to question everything that I believed. But over the years, the more I questioned and the deeper I went within, I encountered intense fear and rage. So I was peeling away the layers of the onion, finding more rage underneath. And this is why we can have many symptoms act out many things in behavior without getting down to the root cause of the behavior. So we take this journey to uncover the ego's rage and to accept a new purpose for the whole world. When we are training our mind and learning to listen to the Holy Spirit, we are doing it for the whole universe. And it is a very deep, profound calling that we have. And you will face the fears as you go along, but you are responsible for accepting the correction. The temptation of the ego is to focus on mistakes and to identify with the mistakes. And this is why the mind feels fearful and unworthy of love. Even Helen Schuchman, the scribe of A Course in Miracles, had tremendous anxiety while scribing the Course because she had a highly developed scribal ability, but she had misused it in the past lifetime. So everyone that I joined with and worked with very deeply uncovers this deep unworthiness. But my invitation is join me and let's be miracle workers as a way of undoing the unworthiness. And the miracles teach us to show us how worthy of love that we are. And I'm reminded of that interview I had in Ireland at the radio show when they asked me, who is David Hoffmeister? The parable came through how I was, what happened as I changed my purpose and how things are now. And anyone who's familiar with like even 12-step programs is the same path of healing. We are open to show you this is how I'm experiencing it, without hiding anything. We get down on our knees and we call upon the higher power for help and then we are lifted up in love. And the closer we get to love, we may protest. You know, you don't want me, you don't know me. But the spirit is more like a craving. It's like, oh, yes I do, my child. Yeah, your sharing really touches the heart. We all express it in different ways, but everything that we've ever done in this world is to cover over that deep feeling of unworthiness. In fact, the deeper you go into this forgiveness, what my experience has been, is that I had a pretty strong self-concept and the world things seemed to be working. And as I started to face these deep-seated feelings of unworthiness, I saw how deep it went. The more you have been convinced that you have been pretty good in this world, the more you have to undo. So this world is backwards and upside down. If you feel like you've been highly successful in this world, like you've met the world on the world's terms and you've learned how to master the world pretty well, powerful, rich, successful, sexy, like Marilyn Monroe, that's your state of mind you're twice removed from reality because reality has nothing to do with this world. Then again, there are those that have been fighting addictions their whole life. They have faced extreme emotional pain. Sometimes they find themselves in a recovery program or a 12-step program. They feel like their life is ruined or shattered and they get down on their knees and they cry out, my life is unmanageable. These are the ones that are once removed from reality. They are much closer to the conversion that the Holy Spirit is taking you on. So if you had an extremely challenging and difficult life, there is a blessing underneath this challenge and this is what Suzanne was just referring to. There was a point where she believed she had it all. She had a husband, a beautiful ranch, and a work with a beautiful horse. She was content with her Course in Miracles book and the world seemed like a pretty nice world. But then she met me and the bottom fell out and all the house of cards came crashing down because in her heart she was calling for healing. It was very genuine, sincere prayer of the heart and it's not like anything is destroyed. It's all just retranslated. Like you were mentioning, you could see it involved community and healing and it was not expensive. Yeah, I'm sure when you were a little girl you were thinking, I will grow up and watch YouTubes every day and be so happy. Because there were no YouTubes. But it's all just coming in as reflections of healing.