 There's a wonderful saying attributed to Churchill that the three hardest things that a man can be asked to do Are to climb a wall that's leaning toward him Kiss a woman that's leaning away from him And make a good after-dinner speech Well fortunately tonight, and you're probably just as relieved as I am about this. I won't be facing any of those dilemmas My job up here this evening is simple and brief To say a few words of welcome while doing my imitation of rich little's imitation of me so well Actually, though, I think you can imagine the sense of solidarity that as a former governor I feel with all of you. It's one of the reasons I look forward to your annual conferences I must say though. I question your timing. You always arrived too late for the lighting of the Christmas tree Too early for the blooming of the cherry blossoms But just in time for the announcement of the budget cuts Yet I think the people in this room tonight are of all people sympathetic to the demands of budget balancing Besides as I've mentioned in the past Coming to the White House as a governor does have its side benefits It's a chance to look around Make yourself at home a little and reflect I could be happy here But in a more serious vein, let me say how pleased Nancy and I are that you could join us and just so you know I really mean this let me point out that long before I ever thought of politics as a profession. I Was giving speeches on an extraordinary invention of our founding fathers. It was called the federal system Our founding fathers had learned firsthand a simple but vital fact of history That the gravest danger to human freedom has always come from the excessive power of government They not only feared states where absolute power resided in the hands of one man or a tiny few They also knew that the democracy faced a hidden danger Through the encroachments of our central government or slipping into the dangerous waters of too much government As James Madison put it I believe there are more instances of the abridgment of the freedom of the people by Gradual and silent encroachment of those in power Then by violent and sudden usurpations On the eyes of Madison and the other founders then it's the legitimate power of the states and the offices all of you hold That are the principal safeguards against those usurpations those potential abuses of power by the central government I didn't tell you how difficult that task has been during the fast past few decades and how unbalanced the Relationship between the federal government and the states became That's why we've made reinvigorating the federal system and establishing the best possible Working relationship with the governor's one of our priorities And that's why I do look forward to the chance to spend some time here together with you tonight and tomorrow It's true things are going better for America here at home and abroad But I hope this will not distract us from the problems that remain to be solved Some of which we'll be discussing in the days ahead and so if I have one thought for our get-togethers It would be this let us reflect and Remember the very things that account for America's greatness those traditional values and concepts of government like Decentralized authority and a healthy federalist system that gave birth to our nation a Former governor of Massachusetts and one of my favorite presidents put it this way about the declaration of independence We live in an age of science and of a bounding accumulation of material things These did not create our declaration our declaration created them The things of the spirit come first unless we cling to that all our material prosperity Overwhelming though it may appear will turn to a barren scepter in our grasp If we are to maintain the great heritage which has been bequeathed to us We must be like-minded as the fathers who created it Now that may sound like a mouthful from old silent Cal Coolidge But I think he hits home Because our task here in the next few days is to be like-minded With the founding fathers to restore the balance between state and federal prerogatives to bring government closer to the people And in that spirit, I think we can accomplish a great deal together If I might just finish up with one more story about silent Cal Some of you may know that after he was introduced to the sport of fishing by his secret service detail It got to be quite a passion with him If you can use that word about silent Cal But anyway, he was once asked by a reporter how many fish were in one of his favorite angling places the river Broughly and Coolidge said the waters were estimated to carry about 45,000 trout And then he said I haven't caught them all yet, but I've intimidated them Well, we haven't solved all the problems that go with Restoring a sound federal system, but together we've made an important start Times have changed The climate is there now to make the federal state relationship our relationship a Much healthier man much better one for our people and for America so ladies and gentlemen Will you join me in a toast to the leaders of our 50 states to our governors and To our mutual progress in the years ahead Mr.. President Honey and I on behalf of all of the governors and their spouses want to thank you and mrs. Reagan Especially for this evening our governor's days are literally filled with Special moments, but for us somehow no moment any year is more special than this evening at the White House We want to thank you too for something else And that is for helping make our jobs among the best jobs in government in America the governor's job has become Except for the presidency The most satisfying the most unique and the institutionally the most valuable government job in this country You've had something to do with that First you've forced a new federalism some of us. Thank you more for that than others of us do But whatever our opinions about it We find ourselves busy in our states of putting computers into school trying to find ways to pay Teachers more for teaching well setting up summer schools for international studies building new parkways with our own money Finding ways to manage prisons better Since you've been president the governors of 49 states have visited Japan last year 30 Visited China when you were governor governors who traveled around the world took a political risk today Those who don't take a political risk people think they may be doing nothing The short of it is that we find ourselves recruiting for an investment creating new jobs exporting American goods Improving the schools and therefore at the center of our greatest challenge in America Which is helping our country find a way to compete in the world markets in the 1990s The actions headed our way and while we've got some suggestions for you respectively But about just how much of a dose of that we think we can take all at once there are few among of among us who would swap that action for any other situation and We like that new responsibility We wouldn't swap our jobs either for any job in Washington Although there are a few among us who think they've done so well At a chief executives job that they're already eyeing this spot here for the next few years That brings me to the other reason why We ought to thank you for helping make our jobs so good You've taught us by example what a good government chief executive ought to do and what one ought to be You've sensed urgent needs You've developed strategies for dealing with them and stuck to them You've done a good job at persuading at least half the people you're right You've done it with a smile and with a lot of compassion and whether people Disagree or agree with all of your views and of course governors have all sorts of views I believe we agree that today when the nation needs someone Whether it's to comfort families at Fort Campbell or to make a telephone call to high school children in Concord, New Hampshire Or to sit at the fireside with mr. Gorbachev that we feel very good in America about your being That someone so we thank you and mrs. Reagan for tonight and we thank you for helping to make our jobs The best jobs in America in government except for yours Now offer a toast to the president of the United States and mrs. Ray feels good Feels right my friends you're sending good vibrations tonight Seems like someone knew exactly who to invite what a good group Feels nice feels loose feels warm feels good feels raw Feels great feels grand tonight all entertain just hear this band So let's kick some stars around and see how they land. Oh, yeah Jimmy Stewart Jimmy Carter Richard Nixon George Burns feels grand Good evening President Reagan mrs. Reagan Governors and invited guests. I am delighted to be here this evening. It's a great thrill for me Now I was just thinking as I drove over here tonight, you know Where but America would a guy like me be allowed to perform at the White House. I mean if this was Russia I'd be working a salt mine in the morning may yet, but Now it's great, you know because it's good to laugh at ourselves, you know And I I really say this honestly that the president is the best subject. I've ever come across in my life And the best sense of humor of any politician I have ever met bar none absolutely true Anyway, I don't feel alone up here tonight, you know because I travel with so many people I mean I can be anybody I want, you know when people see me coming down the street. They say, oh here they come, you know But I could maybe be Jimmy Stewart, you know jump jump jump jump jump jump Stewart. I I did It's good to be back here at the White House I did you know the last time I Was here was during the Carter administration And I I didn't like that at all that that that that that was awful I mean that for instance, they they match you at the airport in a stretch pickup truck Yeah, and then I remember we sat down to dinner here and for the first 20 minutes They argued about what wine goes with grits And that was kind of strange and then I noticed halfway through the dinner that Whalen Jennings was Coleman is bearded out over Rosalind salad Yeah, it's a good thing. I didn't eat the peanut butter pate or I'd still be here saying No, no, no, thank you Then there's Jimmy Carter, you remember Jimmy Smiling Jimmy Carter Hop damn, it's good to be here. I would like to I would like to read you I'd like to like to read you this at this time a list of my accomplishments as present Now, let's see who else Richard Nixon You'll remember you'll remember Richard Nixon You know, I I remember I remember I remember the first time I remember the first time I went to China That was it was a wonderful trip and I I got to me one of my idols, you know Chairman Mao and I Remember I remember when I got off the plane I remember when I got off the plane everybody screamed and yell and I looked I looked across the runway And there was the chairman out there and I I was overwhelmed I remember running over to I was just about to give him a great big hug And he looked up at me and he said please Don't squeeze the charm Then there's George Burns George who I adore imagine 90 years old George Burns and still going strong. That's right I'm 90 years old I'm the only actor in Hollywood who calls Ronald Reagan youngster, but what is age anyway? I mean, it's ridiculous. You're only as old as the girls you feel But I feel I feel great. I feel I feel great Ever since that doctor of mine put in that new automatic pacemaker Although I'm beginning to think that maybe got some of the wires crossed Because every time I see a pretty girl my garage door goes slowly up feels good Feels right my friends you're sending good vibrations tonight Seems like someone knew exactly who to invite. What a good group Feels nice feels loose feels warm feels good Feels wrong be right back before I start speaking tonight I I would like to say something now in just a few minutes. We're going to have a Governatorial press conference where The governors from the various states ask me questions now all I ask from you people are three things first you identify yourself before speaking and second to speak up when you're asking a question and Third for heaven's sakes. Don't ask me anything. I can't answer Because well, that's always embarrassing all right Let's start some of the questions here from some of the governors. Yes over here. Yes Mr. President. Mr. President. Yes, Rudy Purpich from Minnesota. Yes, Rudy. Mr. President What do you say to people in this country who don't work? Well, I think it's a shame. I mean just think they'll never know when it's Miller time Never Never never Right here. Yes Richard Riley from South Carolina. Yes, Mr. President after your close-up and personal summit in Geneva Can you tell us what's the best thing about Mikhail Gorbachev? His name is worth a hundred points in scrabble That that's the best Yes, any more questions. Yes, Mr. President. Yes, big Jim Thompson from Illinois. Yes, big Jim Mr. President since you have a tough image I was wondering if you have a nickname that you like, you know something like big Dutch No, I'll I'll just stick to Ronbo at the moment That suits me fine Right Mr. President. Yes, are you excited about seeing Haley's Comet this year? No, no, I've already seen it three times Frankly, I'm sick to death of it. Yes. No, not now saying Richard Bryan from Nevada. Yes, Richard. Mr. President How do you open a small business in this country? Well, very simple I would open a large one and then wait Take a look is the president laughing is he laughing? Yes. Yes, Mr. President Edwin Edwards from Louisiana Yes, Edwin. Listen, congratulations on a marvelous Super Bowl down there and well, thank you, Mr. President It was really exciting. You know the Superdome was packed with fans and NBC even set aside a minute So everyone in the country could go directly to the bathroom. Well Edwin Edwin everyone knows There's nothing you like more than a full house and a straight flush Should have opened with that one Yes, Mr. President. Mr. President Bob Graham from Florida. Yes, Mr. President What can be done about terrorists who hijack American planes? Well, I think we've got to get tough with them and Well, I mean really tough So I suggest that the next time this happens that we storm the plane with British Soccer fans That ought to take care of that Yes, moving along quickly Joe Frank Harris from Georgia. Yes, Joe. Mr. President, how do you feel about Jesse Jackson? Well, I I think that Jesse is a very fine politician. I remember during the 84 campaign he went to Syria and tried to bring back one of our flyers, but This made John Glenn very mad Because he wanted to fly to Mars and try and bring back Jerry Brown Yes, Bill O'Neill from Connecticut. Yes, Phil. Mr. President, every other month It seems we can see a Russian submarine Disabled on beaches somewhere Can you explain what's going on sir? Well, I I wouldn't take that seriously. That's just Mikhail's Navy Same to you with knobs on it. That was my best joke Yes. Yes. Dick Lamb from Colorado. Yes, Dick. Mr. President What can we do for the sick the feeble the infern? Well See to it that congressmen serve only one term Anybody George Duke Magin from California. He's not even here sir Is the war on poverty over is the war on poverty over? Yes, and the poor lost Yes, they they never had a chance Not a change. Yes one one last question. Ah Bruce Babbitt from Arizona one last question, Mr. President You always look so healthy Let me ask you this. How do you keep such rosy cheeks? I jog with my pants down Thank you very much. Oh Gosh the president still here good. I tell you Gosh that that well that's the whole secret to it, you know And I first started imitating the president that was the key to the whole thing that well And I've worked that to death, but then so is he gosh I've you know, I've done the impression I've done a lot of presidents over the years and as I said earlier the President Reagan takes it the best. I think Hubert Humphrey had a great sense. He humor, you know Gerald Ford loved it. I did him in front of him and he fell down three times Jimmy Carter, you never knew he just smiled at everything Reminding me one of those little dogs. You see in the back of cars, you know and Richard Nixon I could never get a smile out of never and all the time I ever did him in front of him never cracked a smile Never never knew who I was doing No, this is true. I remember down in San Clemente years ago This is way before Watergate any of his problems I did an impression of Richard Nixon right in front of him at a garden party in San Clemente And he stood there looking me the whole time. I thought I was smiling and finally when I finished He turned a pound. He said why why is this young man speaking in this strange boy? So it's a pleasure to do President Reagan really is Incidentally, I would like to thank the Marine Band behind me who have done a marvelous job this evening. Thank you My arranger and conductor mr. Robert E. Hughes from New York City and My Drummer who comes from England as a matter of fact from Birmingham. That's just why he plays in the left side of his drums Mr. Ray Price Raymond Price All right. Listen, I would like to close off here by doing a few singing impressions for you I put together a medley of well I've tried to mix it up as best as possible because everybody's got different tastes in music I hope one of your favorites is in this group I would like to begin by doing a gentleman who has performed right here at the White House with Frank Sinatra, I believe some years ago and this man's incredible because he has not changed one bit in 30 to 40 years Still looks and sounds exactly the same. I'm talking about Mr. Perry Como find a whale Hand it goes round round round as it spins along with the happy sound as it goes How long the ground ground ground till it leads you to the one you love And the night you'll see the oval moon Going round and round in two And the ball of sun in the day Makes a girl land boy want to say All right. Who's this? Hello I'm Johnny cash Hey looky under coming coming down that railroad track Hey looky under coming coming down that railroad track It's the orange blossom special Bring him a baby black It's the orange blossom special Bring him a baby black Hey, noni noni. That's big Johnny cash a boy named Sue I would like to do my all-time favorite. I mean, I love to the president. I love to do Jimmy Stewart to Johnny Carson, but this little person coming up next. I got to tell you I have a special feeling for I think one of the great entertainers of our time coming up And who knows someday he could become president. Here he is Why are there so many songs about rainbows What's on the other side rainbows are visions not only illusions and rainbows have nothing too high So we've been told and some tend to be Believe it. I know there and see Kermie Someday we'll find it the rainbow Connection the lovers are green I want a great group there. Thank you very great there. Thank you very much and your free flies for everybody now I would like to do two at once for you. I have no idea I'm gonna do this two at once Should be interesting. I may come out there and watch this with you Um, well not really at once but almost at once I would like to do Mr. Woolley Nelson and Mr. Julio Glacius coming up right now Woolley and Julio must look like ugly indian a jewish indian a schmohawk to all the girls of love before Wondered and I'm glad they came along I dedicate this song to all the girls of love before Julio is a unscratched And may I say I've held the best For helping me to grow I love the latino to all the girls of love well I guess snow program would be complete without doing old blue eyes himself, huh Frank Sonatra who is incredible, you know you know, mr The president, you know one time said to frank, you know, I offered him maybe You know said to frank, would you like to become ambassador to italy? Isn't that a great honor? I mean imagine the president saying that to frank. He turned him down though Imagine that he see frank wants to be pope But it was a it was a nice gesture Anyway, I gotta do frank. I kid him a lot, but he's one of the greats. There's no question about it Why don't I get into character here? Marvelous absolutely marvelous richie marvelous Scooby-dooby-dooby, baby The end is near And so I face The final curtain My friends I'll say it clear I'll state my case Of which I'm certain I've lived A life that's full travel Beach and every highway But more much more than this I did it more That is a man What has he got If not himself Then he has not But through it all Thank you, mr president nancy and all your governors I would like to close off the reason I took my jacket off I would like to close off by doing Here's Tom Jones How does law want a photo More than enough for me and you I'm rich with law for millionaire. I have so much. It's unfair. Why don't you take a share? Just help yourself to my lips to my arms. Just say the word Your smile has I surprised when you came out here singing at first. I didn't know you could imitate me singing He's been doing this and I understand that you can do about 200 people Yes, I've put to the test Why are you walking off? You've only done about 20 Listen, don't tell me like that He's been making people laugh ever since he was a school boy I know I remember he came to our senior citizen center once and But Seriously, although it's very hard to be serious About all of this I think we're all I speak for all of you that we're Really in your debt. We're indebted for this wonderful evening of entertainment. Thank you very much My biggest regret is and he isn't going to run again. I could do him forever Now I got to work on george bush Next time imitate nancy Thank you very much. I just have to since you did george burns I just have to say that I've only learned one thing george burns once said Somebody said to him, how does it feel to be 85? And george said when I feel 85, I'll let you know