 This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Alice Hasty, Bristol, England. Violet Osborne by Lady Emily Ponsonby, Volume 1, Chapter 6 Somewhat vain she was, or seemed so, is it was not vanity, but fondness and a kind of radiant joy diffused around her. The Prelude Lester told his sisters of Violet's request as they sat at breakfast the next morning, and his heart sank at the excitement it produced. It was just such a scene as he dreaded her eyes should see. I shall never leave the house till she calls, said Henrietta. I would not miss her for the whole world. No more shall I, said Jesse, who always repeated Henrietta's words with some addition of her own. I shall stand at the window till she comes, that I may be sure to be in the way. It is very good natured of Miss Osborne, observed Margaret. For, if she feels like me, to walk into a house where five women are watching for her must be far from a pleasant prospect. Yes, said Jesse, and I think she must have some reason for it. I think she must be in love with John. Never before had Lester had so great a struggle in repressing sharp words to his sisters, but he did repress them, and only said with a smile. We all know where Jesse's thoughts fly to. I am sure Henrietta thinks the same. Don't you, Henrietta? I know I shall watch her face when I talk about John, and see whether she blushes or not. Lester remained silent. He felt too angry to trust himself to speak, but Margaret answered for him. Then I shall turn you out of the room, Jesse, for your bad manners. I am quite ashamed of you. Why? said Jesse, complainingly. Why is Miss Osborne such a very sacred person, that I may not look at her if I like? You may look as much as you please, Jesse. Lester now said, I am sure I may trust all my sisters to receive a visitor in a proper way. Of course, said Jesse. I never meant to do anything I ought not. At what hour may we expect Miss Osborne? Marion now asked, dryly. My dear Marion, Lester said, smiling, after another struggle not to be impatient. You all speak as if I had announced a visit from the Queen. Miss Osborne merely asked if she might call some day, perhaps today, perhaps not till next week. She said nothing about when the visit was to be. I hope it will not be till next week, said Margaret, because Jesse will be tired of her seat at the window by that time. Only asked, said Marion apologetically, because I should like to have things in order. Your own order will do well enough, said Lester Rising. I should not have mentioned the visit, but that I thought it would be more agreeable to you and to Miss Osborne to know she was expected. I do not dine at home, Henrietta. At what hour shall you want me? Or have you found a better chaperone? A quarter before eleven, if you please. No, Mrs Grant cannot go tonight. Eleven is quite time enough, said Margaret, laughing. Don't hurry for Henrietta, John. Remember the last time. I remember, he said, smiling also, and nodding kindly, he left the room. I think John was very near being very angry with you, Jesse, observed Henrietta. I saw him pinch his lips together when you said that about Miss Osborne blushing. And if John had done what he ought, said Margaret, he would have ordered Jesse to go out of the room. I felt quite ashamed that my sister could make so ill-bred a speech. But why, said Jesse, I don't see why. I often say those sorts of things. Then it shows a great want-attacked. I am sure I wish John would be angry sometimes. I think we are enough to provoke a saint, and that John is not provoked, shows that he is greater than any saint that ever was. But all I want to know, persisted, Jesse, is this. Why may we not talk about Miss Osborne as well as Miss Howard or Lucy Grant? You never scold me when I say I watch Lucy Grant. I am sure you think something particular about Miss Osborne. Do you think John is in love? Do you, Rachel? I wish she would tell me. I don't know, replied Rachel slowly. I only feel, as I did from the first, that I would not for the world say anything about her, that it would not please him to hear. Oh, he is in love. I know he is in love. Said Jesse sentimentally. Well, I will try not to look, but I know I shall. I never shall be able to help it. Then you shall go out of the room, said Margaret, decidedly. You had better take care how you behave. I am older than Margaret, said Jesse presently to Henrietta alone. I can't think why she is to scold me as she does. Because you let her, was Henrietta's answer. Don't you think you shall watch Miss Osborne? With Jesse's next question. Yes, I am sure I shall. Then why didn't you say so? Because I am not quite so great a goose as you are. And so the conversation dropped. Violet did not call that day nor the next, but Henrietta and Jesse were as good as their words. Henrietta remained at home and Jesse rarely left the window. Margaret, although she laughed at them, was as determined to see Violet as they were. And Marion considered the visit to be to herself, and therefore watched like the rest. The only one who had resolved to be absent was Rachel, and her resolution was over set by a word from her brother. On the evening of the second day, when he came home to dinner, Rachel chanced to be for a moment alone in the drawing room. Has Miss Osborne called? He inquired, and on receiving Rachel's negative involuntary added, I hope you will be at home, Rachel. And Rachel felt herself bound to be present, and to keep watch with her sisters. It so happened, therefore, that when Mrs and Miss Osborne called, the five Miss Lester's received the visit. Mrs Osborne had not been thought of, and when she appeared, Marion was satisfied to devote herself to her. Though tiresome, Marion was quiet and inoffensive, and Mrs Osborne, whose deafness prevented her from enjoying lively conversation, was well pleased to be questioned regarding the shop she frequented, the rent of houses in London, the most helpful and most expensive situations, and such other matters which were subject of interest to Marion's mind. Violet seated herself near Henrietta and Jesse. Her quick eye singled out Rachel at once, as the one like her brother, and the one she should like to know. But Rachel was too like Lester not to have so placed herself as to be unapproachable. Your brother gave me leave to call. I hope you do not mind? Violet said at once, with her frank cordiality of manner. We thank you very much for your visit. Henrietta replied. We think it's particularly kind. She added, laughing. Because, as my sister Margaret said, it is a formidable thing to invade the home of five grown-up women. Which is Margaret? Inquired Violet, and when Margaret smiled and blushed, continued. I think you know my cousin, Albert Ellis. I have danced with him two or three times. She answered. But we very seldom meet. You go out a great deal, Mrs Osborne? Said Henrietta, half inquiringly, half may hear a statement. Do I? replied Violet quickly. Does your brother say so? Does he think me very dissipated? John would never make such uncivil remarks. He exclaimed both Margaret and Rachel in a breath. I suppose it was my conscience that made me afraid, said Violet, laughing. I know I am rather dissipated, but I cannot bear to be thought so. And, after all, mine is not real dissipation. For, although I am obliged to go to a great many balls and parties, I never stay after one o'clock. Oh, Miss Osborne, said Jesse. But then, what is the use of going? You have only the crowd, and you cannot dance a bit. I do not much care about dancing now. I did for two years, but now I have got tired of it. We go out more because we must now, than because we like it. Do you not care for nice partners? asked Jesse in her morkish way. Violet drew herself up with statelyness, and Rachel blushed, and longed to divert the conversation. Jesse had no tact, and her sisters knew it. I suppose we had all rather danced with a nice person than a nasty one, Violet replied at last. And then, to put an end to what she considered girls' conversation, she moved her chair suddenly towards the table, near which Rachel sat, and took up a drawing that lay upon it. This is very pretty. Is it your doing? And she looked across at Rachel, determined to be answered. Yes, we have been asked to work for a bizarre, and as I cannot work well, I have done a few drawings. Oh, how good of you, and how you make me ashamed. I am so often asked, and I always think it is a bore. I like to give, but I cannot slave. Do tell me about your bizarre, and may I see your things? Rachel explained that it was a bizarre for the Consumptive Hospital, which was to take place the following week. She opened the table draw, near which she sat, then hastily closing it, was about to open another, when Violet sprang forward. Pray let me see! Are not those your brothers doing? Rachel looked annoyed, but reopened the draw. Violet examined a multitude of little paper birds and beasts, and then said, One or two I have seen before. How clever they are! Are these for your bizarre? Oh, no! Rachel replied, shaking her head. John does not know we have got these. He makes them when he is anxious or nervous, or has anything to think of, and we pick them up, but he does not like us to show them. How strange! Violet said, looking at her with curiosity. They say all human beings have peculiarities, Rachel replied. This is his. You must let me send you some things for your bizarre, Violet said, changing the subject. And now, shall you think me very impertinent if I do not wait to be better acquainted, before I ask if either of you would like to drive with us? It would give me so much pleasure. She looked at Rachel, but Rachel looked away. The others thanked her with all their hearts and eagerly accepted her offer. Violet walked across the room and kissed her mother's brow, observing, I have asked one of the Miss Lester's to drive with us, Mama. If you do not mind, I think we have plenty of room for two. Do just as you please, dear, said Mrs Osbourne cordially. I shall be very happy to have them. Henrietta and Jesse were the two who usually accepted invitations, and they therefore left the room to put their bonnet on. Violet would have preferred the two others, but she was comparatively indifferent, since all were Lester's sisters. She was very happy at having so easily accomplished one of her kind purposes. The next time we call, you two must come, she said with frank and earnest warmth. My cousin Albert told me the other day that you had not always a carriage, and I am sure with this bazaar coming on you must have things to do. I will call and see on Saturday if Mama does not mind, and I am sure she will not. Mr Ellis asked me if we had a carriage, said Margaret, laughing. He says he cannot understand how women manage without one. He made very particular inquiries. That is just like Albert, said Violet, laughing also. But he is very discreet, and never reveals what he discovers. He would not have told me what he did, unless he had thought it necessary for my welfare. When he thinks I am too much spoiled at home, he sometimes brings me to shame by telling me of other people's wants and wishes. You are not offended with me, I hope, for saying what I did. The entrance of Henrietta and Jesse stopped the conversation, and Mrs Osborne, seeing Violet was ready, rose from her seat. Finding that her young companions preferred to drive in the park to any shopping, she indulged them in their wishes, ending the drive by a visit to a nursery garden from whence she sent them home, lazing with flowers. The following day she went to the Soho Bazaar and expended several pounds in small articles for the fancy bazaar that Miss Lester had mentioned, and unable to delay the pleasure she hoped to give, carried her treasures at once to Clarges Street. Her kindnesses were not always received as they were intended, nor was gratitude always expressed with the warmth she expected. But there was no disappointment here, and in the apparition lavished it on her provision for the bazaar, she so plainly detected a degree of envy that she felt she might bestow her gifts on the young ladies themselves to her heart's content. Before a week had passed, she certainly had lavished both gifts and the tensions upon them with super-abundant profusion. Violet had not seen Lester since her acquaintance with his sisters began, but on the Saturday evening he appeared with Albert. There was a small party at Mrs Osborne's. When they entered, Violet was engaged in conversation with a young gentleman, whom she clasped under the domination of a boy, and whom she therefore treated with supreme contempt. When Lester approached, she expected the use to withdraw, but as he by no means considered himself a boy, he pursued his conversation undisturbed. Lester sat down at a little distance, and Albert stood by Violet. The young gentleman was making a complaint regarding the impossibility of ever securing Violet for a partner. We have asked you to dance four times this week, he said grumblingly, and you have always told me you are engaged. Because I was, Violet replied. It is your fault, not mine. I have told you that I only stay for two hours, and you time your requests ill. You don't know what time is right, I am sure. I ask it every time. The last time I asked you as you walked upstairs and you said you were engaged. So I was. I had been asked to dance the very moment I set my foot in the house. Why didn't you try again? Because I think you do it on purpose. Now if I was to ask you to dance the first dance at Lady Vernon's on Monday, I dare say you will say you are engaged. I am afraid I am, Violet said, laughing. It did so happen that I was asked the last thing last night for that very dance. Now Violet, I call that too bad, said Albert. I never would spoil a girl by making so much of her. I think it is a very indiscreet thing to do. It does not make me vain. She replied lightly. I care too little about it to be vain. Do you think I am made up of pride and vanity? She asked laughingly, suddenly pushing back her chair as she met the serious, contemplative gaze of Lester. I believe we all have more vanity than we think. He replied with a smile. Not you, Lester. Said Albert warmly. Do not undertake to answer for me. We know very little of each other or ourselves. And so you think me very vain. Violet asked gravely and with not a little annoyance. Indeed he replied quickly. I never meant nor had any right to say so. We all are vain, I think, in some form or other. And if you had no vanity in your circumstances you would be. He hesitated and then calmly added. Something above our common nature. I thought you were going to pay a compliment for once, Lester. Observed Albert. And Mr. Lester would have fallen immeasurably in my opinion if he had. Said Violet. I hate compliments. Pitiful, mortgaged compliments I dare say, but I know nobody, Violet, who likes a good word better than you do. Now, let us have done. She said, laughing, but with vexation. I have been lectured on vanity enough for tonight. And she pushed her chair still further backwards as a hint to Albert and the young gentleman that she wished to talk to Mr. Lester. I came here tonight to thank you for your kindness to my sisters. He said directly, as if anxious to speak. There is no need for thanks when one does but please oneself. She replied quickly. I told you I should like your sisters, and I do. But it is not only the morose givers one thanks. Lester persisted. You have been very kind to them, and they and I thank you. And now, do not think me ungrateful if I add one word of warning. What have you got to say? She asked, smiling. Do not spoil them. He said gravely. Violet coloured with mortification and inquired, How do you mean? I feared I should offend you. He said earnestly. Yet I ventured my word. My sisters are but human and can be spoiled by kindness as we all can. If, as he smiled, you would be discreet, I should really thank you for giving variety to their life. But I do not like things to be overdone. Neither for their sakes nor your own. I know exactly what you mean. She answered at last. Alwent has been telling you that I take things up and lay them down. But I think you might understand that I should never think of either taking up or laying down in this case. I assure you I spoke simply for my own good judgment, and I think when you consider you will see the wisdom of what I say. I am an enemy to all that is excessive. Perhaps I make myself appear a very flat, stale and unprofitable person, but such is the formation of my mind. And now forgive me. No, for I disapprove of and condemn your wisdom, and I think you will see that you are mistaken in me. And unwilling to discuss them as a further, Violet began a new subject. End of Volume 1 Chapter 6 Section 7 of Violet Osborne. This is a LibreBox recording. All LibreBox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibreBox.org. Violet Osborne by Lady Emily Ponson B. Volume 1 Chapter 7. No Good Heart is Happy Alone, Bishop Hall. Lester said no more at the time, but he had not spoken without reason. He feared lest his sisters, especially Marian, Henrietta and Jesse, should too eagerly avail themselves of Violet's good nature, and his sense of dignity could not bear that they should be patronized. The very feelings with which Violet inspired him made him the more reluctant to place them in such a position. Violet, however, interpreted his words as a reproof for her excitable and fickle propensities, and became but the more desirous by unceasing thought and kindness to prove to him that he had been mistaken too happy to find recipients for her bounty, whose varied tastes and many wishes permitted its free exercise. She yielded to every kindly impulse that assailed her, and there was so much forethought, and, to use an ugly but expressive word, delicacy in her attentions, that it seemed to the Miss Lester's only natural to take what was so naturally tendered, I say, Violet, said Albert, one evening, when he dined alone at his uncle's, I don't think Lester is best pleased with you, Violet colored, but asked, lightly, what now? I happened to go with him to see his sisters yesterday. I rather like that girl they call Margaret. And while we were there, a box of jewels came in, a present from you, it appears. Jewels, said Violet, angrily, my dear Albert, little too many things, not worth talking about. I don't know how that may be. I saw a real gold bracelet, not very heavy or precious, I dare say, but such as I should be very thankful to get for two pints. And, I tell you, I don't think Lester was pleased. Then people are very hard to please, and I can't help it, she replied quickly. I am not so sure of that. To tell you the truth, Violet, I do think you make yourself rather a fool about those girls. As to those trinkets, Albert, I really could not help giving them. Jesse Lester stood in mute, admiration over some sham things we saw in a shop. They were pretty, but I told her I could not bear to wear sham trinkets. She said her brother felt the same, and though she did not mind, she never dared to do it. In the chorus of the conversation, I discovered that they, poor girls, have hardly any trinkets at all. But I was very discreet. This happened a fortnight ago, and I let a whole fortnight pass before I sent my presents. They are really little too many things, but whatever they are, they are true and not sham. How very correctly you speak, Violet, said Albert, dryly. Real gold for two pints. However, whatever the case may be, I do not speak only of the jewels. It is all very well to be attentive, but things may be overdone. What are you and Albert fighting about? Said Mr. Osborn, rousing himself from a dose. Can kindnesses be overdone, Papa, said Violet, eagerly? That is the question. It is not a very common fault, dear, as the world goes, he said, sleepily, and so I would bear it when it is found. And he dozed again. But I say they can be overdone, Violet, persisted Albert, and I am quite sure I am right. Just change places, and ask yourself whether you would like the mislusters to smother you with presents. That is the proper way of considering things, do as you would be done by. I cannot put myself in their place, and therefore I cannot consider it in that light. But I suppose riches are not given us to keep to ourselves. Would you and Mr. Lester have been better pleased with me if I had bought the trinkets for myself? I believe it to be an absolute impossibility to argue with a woman observed, Albert, rising, however clever they may be. And I allow you, our clever Violet, they have no more perception of the matter that lies before them than an infant in arms. You fly off to some abstract question which has nothing to do with our discussion, and which an idiot could answer. Good night, for I am going. Only remember that I am right and you are wrong. And so you will find. Well, good night. She said, smiling, you have made me uncomfortable, though I cannot see why. And that ought to be triumph enough for you. My dear Violet, he said with a kind of parental dignity. I assure you I want no triumph of that kind. My wish is to see you act properly. I am always sorry when I cannot approve of what you do. She laughed, and he left her, and Violet, though she could not see why, remained uncomfortable. She was not long left in discomfort for Lester, who was always welcomed, and was now a constant visitor at the house, called late in the afternoon of the following day. With Violet, and even with her father and mother, his shyness had passed away, and with something of a thoughtless thankfulness, he yielded himself to the charm that was enthralling him. Violet saw in his face that he had something to say, but she did not intend to stand on the defensive, and therefore talked on common subjects, leaving it to him to attack her if he thought proper. At a pause he did so. Do you remember, Miss Osborn, a remark connected with your kindness to my sisters which I made about three weeks ago? You told me not to spoil them, she replied demurely. I am sure I hope I have done no serious harm. I trust not. And yet I am anxious once again to repeat my words. It is no use. Mr. Lester, she said willfully, if you choose to forbid me the house you can. But if I am allowed to see them, I must take my pleasure. He said nothing, but looked dissatisfied. I am sure, I am very sorry, she continued a little hurt by his manner, that I should give pain or comfort to anybody. But I really think it is without reason. It does give me pain, I confess. He replied, to see this lavish waste and profusion of gifts, I cannot but think of numbers whose bitter sorrows would be alleviated if half was bestowed on their necessity. Is that all? said Violet quickly. Then I do not mind. I thought it was that you were too proud to let me give or them receive. He smiled, not quite easily, and said, I am never sure of what my motives are. And I may be actuated by low ones, but be that as it may. I am sure it is right to wish that one in your position should learn that there may be extravagance in giving as well as in other things. I speak plainly, he added, coloring. I scarcely know why I so presume, except that I think I know what some of life's trials are better than you do. And if you could know, she said warmly, how I long to be told of those trials, you would not apologize for speaking. But I must say a word in my defense. We are not, I hope, uncharitable in this house. There is hardly a society in London to which we do not subscribe. And we give soup twice a week, and a good many things besides, but I am afraid I think life would be very dry if we were only kind to the poor. There is a medium in all things, though some persons refuse to see it. He replied, smiling, perhaps I should not persist in arguing this matter with you if it were not that I know at this moment of a case of sorrow beyond my powers to relieve, on which a portion of what you have given my sisters would be wisely bestowed and would be received as a blessing from heaven. Oh, Mr. Lester, and why have you not told me of it before? Do you not know that my life, my hope, my whole pleasure in life is to do good, and all the warmth and kindness of her nature sparkled in her eyes and animated her face? I do know. He replied with earnestness, and it was for that reason I came to you. I had seen this case of sorrow but a short time before your last gifts to my sisters, and I resolved I would point out to you wiser and better objects for your generosity. Do not think I or they are ungrateful. For such is far from being the case. Do not speak any more about gratitude, she said quickly, I hate the word. Oh, tell me, what is this case of sorrow? An officer's wife and daughter left utterly destitute. There is the small widow's pension, but the sickness and death of a child have swallowed it up. And much more than that, I fear. At this moment they are without the common necessaries of life, and the widow herself is ill. Their destitute state was pointed out to me, and I went to them. But, as I said, their necessity is beyond my powers to relieve, and their case is more suited to a woman's kindness than a man's. I will go to them, said Violet, mama, and she went across and kissed her mother. You will take me to see a poor woman. Will you not? Yes, dear, certainly. Where does she live? And Mrs. Osborn roused herself eagerly. It is a part of London, Lester said, smiling, to which I would not willingly send you. You must be prepared for real misery and its many accompaniments. But I suppose such sights are good for us all. I will write the direction. It was to one of the small streets near Soho Square. I will go tomorrow, Violet said, and I wish tomorrow was come. Could we meet you there, Mr. Lester? And we might consider what could be done. I will come here, if you will allow me, he replied. The mother is too ill, and the daughter too young and pretty to be a fit charge for me. I am thankful to resign them into your hands. I believe you are making out of romance, he added, smiling, as he saw a peculiar look in Violet's face. But I assure you I am far too prosaic a person for such kind of romances. Do not waste your imagination upon me. Is the girl so very pretty? Violet asked with curiosity. Not by any means, dangerously beautiful. He said, smiling again, but certainly pretty. And so fair and young and helpless looking, that I shall be glad to think of her as having a kind advisor and friend. Any assistance I and my sisters can give, you may depend on our giving. But if you will accept the charge, I resign it gratefully to you. And I take it gratefully. Violet said with warmth. And I hope I shall acquit myself to your satisfaction. End of Volume 1, Chapter 7, Section 8 of Violet Osborne. This is a labor box recording. All labor box recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit laborbox.org. Violet Osborne. My Lady Emily Ponsonby. Volume 1, Chapter 8. Grief call it not. It was anything but that, a conflict of sensations without name. The prelude. It was a new scene to which Violet was introduced on the following day, not new to most people, nor in itself an uncommon scene of distress, but a new scene to her. The one small room up three pair of dingy stairs, the close suffocating air to merge from that room, now the abode of wasting sickness and poverty, and which three weeks before had been the abode of death, the comfortless bed, the emaciated look of the sick woman, and the famine-stricken countenance of the pale, fair girl. All these things, no uncommon sight in this world, were new to Violet, and the sights subdued her. There was no word said, nor arrangement made, but as they entered the room, a change took place in the common positions of Mrs. Osborn and her daughter. It was Mrs. Osborn who unconsciously went forward to speak, to help, to comfort, and Violet who, as unconsciously drew back, mute and awe-stricken. The sick mother seemed to lie in a kind of apathy, and so had Lane, her daughter said, since her boy's death, which had taken place in that room three weeks before, it was only when Mrs. Osborn laid upon the table a small basket of provisions, tea, wroth, and arrow-root that her eye brightened into anything like sense or attention. The daughter, who gave her name as Amy White, very simply and naturally, but tearfully related their misfortunes, and said, if it had not been for the kindness of one gentle man who had heard of their misery, they should now have been starving. She looked, as Lester said, too fair and young and helpless to struggle with misfortune, and though she expressed her readiness to work, yet she seemed at a loss to know how to look for work, or what to do with herself in the wide world of London, after relieving their present distress and receiving a thankful acquiescence to a proposal suggested by Violet for removing them at once of a healthier lodging. Mrs. Osborn took leave and Violet, with a few kind words and kinder looks, silently followed her. Oh, Mama, she then exclaimed, did you know there was such misery in the world? Yes, dear, said her mother, I am afraid I did. I feel as if I could not breathe, Violet said inside, and she threw herself back in the barouche and profound thought. When she returned home and took off her bonnet, she also pulled off all her rings and bracelets with a feeling of disgust, then sat down in the window of the drawing room to indulge in painful reflections. The sight of the strange inequality and the measure of good things allotted to human beings cannot but excite reflection in every ardent and thoughtful mind, and the first approach of such reflections is overwhelming. Once Violet rose and exchanged her comfortable chair for a hard one, and several times her eyes wandered over the luxurious and ornamented room with a gaze of amazement and displeasure, she seemed to see at every turn the young lady's figure, for lady she was by birth and education, in her worn and threadbare suit of black, and with her eyes descended by hunger and sorrow. Oh, Mr. Lester, she exclaimed, when, at the time appointed, Lester came in, and, after hearing a few words from Mrs. Osborne, approached her, you have made me miserable. I can understand that, he replied, with quick sympathy. I was afraid I should for a time, but not for long, not when you find how much good you can do. I do feel so wicked, she said, and tears gathered in her dark blue eyes and made them shine like the stars. Only tell me, is such misery common? Of course I knew people were poor, but is such horrible misery common? Not very uncommon, I fear. Then, why do we live as we do? Is it not wicked? This room oppresses me. Why, the contents of this room only would save a hundred people from starving. You are entering on a very large question, he said gravely, and not a new one. Such thoughts, I suppose, at times trouble us all. And should they not? She asked anxiously, looking up in his face. I am sure I cannot say they should not. He replied, in the same serious manner, we do all, I doubt not. Spend more on our luxurious tastes than is strictly right. That is a question for every man's own conscience. But as to the other question, the inequality of men's lots in this world, that is plainly an ordinance of God. So long as there are any powers that be, strength of body, or mind, or talent, or beauty, opposed to weakness, folly, and deformity, inequality there must be, and the wildest Democrat must submit to it. When once we allow this, the question as a general one is answered, but then comes a much more useful one. And what is that? Violet asked, I only mean the practical, the lessening the inequality by every means in our power, relieving the distress that comes before us. And if it cannot be done by cutting off our luxuries, doing it, I am glad you say that, Violet said eagerly, I am sure I should not mind cutting off luxuries, I am sure you would not. He replied warmly, and then added, smiling, and now may we come to the matter in hand. I began to speak of it to Mrs. Osborne, but she desired me to come to you, because I usually do settle such things. But do you know, Mr. Lester, it was quite changed today. When I went into that room, I felt stupefied. I could not think of a word to say. While Mamma was so wise and kind, it made me ashamed of myself. Surely without reason, Lester said, if you did not expect to see such misery, it would have been unnatural not to be surprised by it. As we grow older, we know such things are and will be, and though we feel them, we are not amazed. But have you thought of any alleviations, I am sure you have, of removing them at once from that dreadful place? Yes, we settle that, but we want your advice as to where, and then after that, I suppose, a small pension for a time, at any rate. Mamma is sure Papa will give it. Lester shook his head. I am against pensions where they can be avoided, he said. But can they be avoided? Violet said anxiously that poor girl could never work, and she could not leave her mother to be a governess. Even if she was fit for one, I will tell you my plan, Lester said. I went today to speak to a clergyman on the subject. A man versed in such cases, and he suggested that she should keep a village school. It would give her a home for her mother, and the work would not be hard. He mentioned to me a village in which such a person, at this very moment, is wanted, and he wrote to make further inquiries. I was much pleased with the plan. Where is the village? Violet asked. I am not sure. You are not satisfied, he said, looking at her and seeing the cloud on her countenance. I am only disappointed. She goes, and I have done with her. I had hoped to be a real friend. Her pale face took my fancy poor girl, and I thought of a thousand kindnesses I could do her. Do not doubt she will want them. Lester said, I was only afraid of putting too much upon you to hold such a situation. She must be respectable, or she would not be respected, and think of all that her house and her dress and her mother will require to make them respectable. I fear you will find only too much required of you. Nothing can be too much while I have money to give. Oh, how I have wasted my life. Yes, I see. Yes, I see. She repeated her eyes brightening, and an arch smile playing on her lips. For here, at any rate, you will not forbid me to give. Here, even you will allow that giving is a virtue. In moderation, he said, with a smile, only in moderation. Activity soon vanished the cloud of thoughtfulness that had oppressed violet spirits. And with more than her usual fervor, she threw herself into the task before her. But her charity had not yet learned wisdom, and it needed the united efforts and entreaties of her mother and lester to restrain the exuberance of her benevolence, a benevolence that threatened to turn the head of her victim and spoil her for ever for the lot in life that was her portion. But violet, ardent as she was, had a mind open to reason. And when once the injury she might do was clearly set before her eyes, she laid a strong hand upon herself and restrained her generosity. Lester's plan was a successful one, and after some trouble in correspondence and many arrangements large and small, Amy White and her mother, still an invalid, but improving in health, were settled comfortably in their new abode. It was an affair which occupied many weeks. There was not only trouble, but there were disappointments. Amy was very helpless and Mrs. White a grumbler by nature. But violet's patience never gave way, nor did her ardor lag. Even Albert was obliged to do her justice and allow that it was not the novelty alone that caught her fancy and occupied her attention. On the other hand, it could possibly have been suggested that the feeling which animated her was not pure benevolence. During these weeks, the intimacy between her and Lester made rapid strides, as he was the medium through which all communications to the country clergyman passed. His advice or his knowledge were constantly required, and having laid the burden of Amy's necessities on violet's shoulders, he could not refuse to give his time in trouble to assist her in her task. With this reflection, he satisfied himself when conscience suggested that his steps too frequently turned towards her abode, and that his heart be too rapidly in her presence. It would soon be over, this time of happiness, so he argued, and once over he would gradually withdraw himself and wean himself after that might be bought too dear. No sentiment marked this intercourse. Mrs. Osborne always and Albert often partook in it, the one silently, the other criticizingly, but nevertheless its freedom and constancy had dangers if danger is the proper word to apply to what might have been for the happiness and benefit of both sides. This danger at last suggested itself to Albert, and remembering that he had been the means of introducing Lester into the house, he conscientiously pointed it out to Mrs. Osborne. I say, on to Elizabeth, he said, one day, if this goes on, we shall have violet falling in love with Lester. Yes, dear, replied Mrs. Osborne quietly. I saw that from the first day he came here. Don't you mind? Or if you are too unworldly to care about rank and poverty, won't my uncle mind? Don't he wish violet to make a good marriage? I think he will be sorry if it should happen, so a little sorry without being worldly, dear Albert, we should perhaps like violet to marry some person who could make her more of a queen. But, you know, we told her when she grew up that she was to please herself and we feel the same now. She is the best judge of what will make her happy, and if she is happy, we are happy too. You are quite a philosopher, Albert said, smiling, well, I know what I think. She will be a happy woman if she gets Lester for her husband, but I don't quite see how it is to be managed. Lester could never propose. That is certain. He would die in the attempt, or even at the mere thought of it. He must have a hint if such a thing is to be. No, dear, Mrs. Osborn said, laying her hand on his arm, never give hints about such things. I like to think that marriages are made in heaven, and I would leave them to be made there. It may, after all, be a mere fancy on Violet's part, remember how excitable she is and how soon she changes. If they really love each other, Mr. Lester will find it out in time, and when he has found it out, he will not fear to speak. For the present, it is best to let it alone. End of Volume 1, Chapter 8. Section 9 of Violet Osborn. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Violet Osborn, by Lady Emily Ponsonby. Volume 1, Chapter 9. Love that makes the day pass lightly on when foresight sleeps and wisdom and the pledges interchanged with our own inner beings are forgot. The Pralude I am so glad, Rachel, to have found you alone, said Margaret one day, softly opening the door of her sister's room. I do so want to speak to you. It was many weeks after the date of the last chapter. The London season was over, and a broiling August sun was driving every inhabitant of London who could leave it to seek for cooler shades. Every alternate year, Lester took his sisters for a month or two to the seaside. But in those days to move a large family, who liked when they did move to have all their comforts undisturbed was a costly affair. And the alternate trips of pleasure and peace and comfort had been preferred to yearly visits paid in less luxurious style. The Lester's were therefore still in London and, with the exception of Rachel and Margaret, they were content to be there. What is it, Margaret? Rachel said, looking up from a book she was reading, Margaret closed the door softly as she had opened it and began to speak in an undertone. It is about John, Rachel. What do you think? Here is London quite over, and Miss Osborn gone. And nothing has come of that friendship we thought so much about. And how grave John looks. Does he not? He does look grave, Rachel said. But he is as cheerful as usual. Yes, for us. He thinks that his duty. But I watched him as he walked down the street this morning, and I felt I could not bear to see him look so grave any more. I wish you would ask him what is the matter, Rachel. I cannot. He might not like it. But if he did not, what then? Why do we stand in such terrible awe of each other? He never is angry. But if he was, what would that matter? It is not that exactly, Rachel said musingly. But I cannot bear that he should think. We watch his proceedings and gossip about his concerns. Is it gossiping to take an interest? Margaret asked. Jesse does gossip about him, I know. But I cannot call it gossiping to feel sorry to see him unhappy, and to long to know what is the cause. I am sure I don't think it is. My dear Margaret, I feel the wish to know quite as much as you do. All I mean is, that when a man has five sisters, they should be very careful in their questions and remarks. I think they should try in every way to show him that they do not watch. That is always what I feel, at least. And it makes me afraid of questioning. I have a great mind, then to do it myself, Margaret said. I must say it seems very unnatural to see one's brother look grave and worried and never to ask him why. What should you say? asked Rachel, with curiosity. I should begin by telling him that I beg he will never think of such a thing as marrying without our consent and that my consent I never will give. But my dear Margaret, said Rachel, with a look of dismay. Oh, that will be only to begin and to see how he takes it. If I was to do it sentimentally, I should be frightened. But if I begin by being cross, we may get into conversation, and if once he will let me talk to him I will give him some good advice. Then do. You will do it much better than I should. Are you not going with him to Windsor tomorrow? The voices had a little forgotten their undertone during the last part of the conversation, and Jesse who, by some natural magic, always discovered when any confidential conversation was going on looked into the room, and seeing two sisters together immediately joined them. Why do you come to talk up here? She began. It is so dull downstairs. It is rather hard if there is anything to hear that I may not hear it. Come and hear it, by all means, said Margaret, pushing a chair towards her. Now, what do you want to know? That is always the way you answer, but it does not deceive me. I know you were talking about some particular thing, and I think it was about John, and I do so want to know. Do you think he is in love? Do you think Miss Osborne likes him? Do you think she has refused him? Do you suppose they write to each other? Do my dear Jesse, do hold your tongue, Margaret said quickly. If you wish to ask all these questions, you had better ask John. And so I would, only that if I do, you abuse me, and say I have no tact. Well, that is true, Margaret replied laughing. But don't ask us, for we cannot give you any information. I am sure Rachel knows, Jesse said fretfully, and as I am older than Margaret, I think it is very hard, Rachel, that you have Margaret up here in your room. You never have me, and nobody ever tells me anything. I am coming down now. If you will carry my drawing book, Rachel said quietly and rose from her seat. I am glad of that. Jesse said, quite satisfied having disturbed the conversation, I cannot think why you should come up here to talk. It is so dull downstairs, at this time of the year, too, when we must be left to our own company. Margaret went with her brother to Windsor on the following day. But it was not till they got near home on their return, that she some encouraged to make her attack. She then began as she had said she would. I am not thinking of marrying. He replied with a slight smile. I will remember what you say, but I do not need it. But, my dear John, I hope you do not think I meant what I said. Margaret exclaimed eagerly. I do give my consent. And much more, I am longing to hear of your marriage. Don't tell me that you have no thoughts of it. She looked anxiously in his face, but the same grave slight smile was all his answer. I am serious now. She continued, do speak to me. He did not reply, and she went on. Why did you not go to Broad Stairs last Saturday? I heard Mr. Ellis ask you, beg you to go, and I saw, at least I think I saw, that you wished it. Why did you refuse? You seem determined to know all my thoughts, Margaret. He said so gently and kindly that she wondered why she had so I suppose I must tell you. I have behaved as only a young man ought to behave, indulging myself and consciously, too, in thoughts that I knew too well could not last. But I mean to do so no more. But why, John? I cannot understand why. I think Miss Osborne likes you. I am sure you must think so, too. Yes, Margaret. I think she likes me. She is clear and open as the day. And what she feels, she shows. She likes me. And I should be. Nay, I am grateful that she does. It should be. It is a pleasure to me. But it is not enough for me. He paused, then added, and again broke off, for me to dare. There is no daring, John, in a man like you. He shook his head. I think you are wrong, Margaret, said boldly. I think sometimes to be over-humble is very like pride. She was sorry for her boldness when she saw the deep flush that over-spread his face. She felt she had touched some too sensitive cord. You may be right, he replied at last. But man is as he is made. And we see things, perhaps, with different eyes. I can but feel my unworthiness and presumption. I dare not hope. And to refuse, I could hardly survive. And now, let us have done. You mean, dear Margaret, very kindly, and I thank you. But you give me pain. And as she saw, he spoke the truth. She was forced to submit. Feeling it due to Rachel, she told her what had passed. Expressing, at the same time, in stronger terms, her astonishment at and disapprobation of his diffidence. I can understand it, Rachel said. I should feel just as he does. But not being what John is, Margaret persisted. He has not worldly good things. But he has much better things. Yes, Margaret, we know he has. And so, perhaps, does Miss Osborne. But he does not. He knows what he has not. But such a mind and such qualities as he has are just those of which the possessor himself is unconscious. He cannot presume on those. Presume, Margaret repeated, pondering over the word. No, I don't want him to presume. But I do like a man to venture. Men have a great superiority over women in being allowed the power of choice. And they ought to be generous. And make ventures, even if in the dark. Women can only refuse. They ought not to begrudge that very disagreeable and uncomfortable privilege. But if it is so disagreeable, Margaret, men ought not to force it rashly upon them. Think what it would be to Miss Osborne to refuse a man like John. But I don't think she would refuse. Ah, that is another question. All I mean is that I do not wonder at his diffidence. I sometimes think Miss Osborne is in love with him. But she is so kind and frank and warm-hearted that more often I wonder if it has ever crossed her mind. And as I feel that, it is not strange that he should feel it also. Well, said Margaret, totally unconvinced by anything her sister said, I must say I like a man to venture. And I think it a great pity to indulge in over-diffidence. Now, I suppose we must see John's gray face all this long autumn. In this latter supposition she was mistaken, browsed by her questions to a perception of his gravity, and reproaching himself for having excited anxiety. Lester exerted himself to enfold for the amusement of his sisters, and whatever the effort might have been to him. The long autumn had never passed so rapidly. The invitation to the broad stares was repeated more than once, but was always refused. He planned Saturday and Sunday excursions with his sisters in succession that he might refuse without any appearance of backwardness when Violet returned to London. He intended to resume his visits under certain restrictions. The interval he was employing embracing his mind and vanquishing himself. Mr. Osborn had no country place as the sea air was necessary to Mrs. Osborn's health after the heat of London, and as Violet particularly enjoyed the winters in London, he had never established himself at any villa. Her autumn visits to the seaside were usually very agreeable to Violet. Her powers of enjoyment were quick and keen, her resources in her own self, endless, and her kindness being always called out by some child or girl or old woman to whom she devoted herself for the time being. Life slipped from under her hands with the quickness of perfect content, but the days of perfect content had vanished perhaps far ever. The intoxication of early youth, that second but more romantic, more imaginative, more spirited childhood rarely lasts above two years, and when that is gone, whatever of radiant joy or calmer happiness may be in store, life has no third cup of single, simple, unqualified content to present. Henceforward, though differently mixed in different lots, something of care, doubt, or anxiety is blended with the draft of hope. Henceforward, single, simple content is looked down upon as superiority in the scale of existence, and with something of a sigh of contempt, the days in which it was sufficient for happiness are recalled. Violet was possessed of all her usual elements of satisfaction. Her invalid protégés were more than commonly interesting. Her schemes of kindness and charity were wiser and larger. Acquaintance more than usually agreeable were to be met with if society was desired. The autumn was finer. The plans for her amusement were unceasing, but she was restless. Lester had read her very truly. She had never yet allowed to herself that she did more than like him. Had been far too happy as she was to think of so dry a thing as marriage, far too full of her attentions to him. Her desires to win and relieve him from his miserable backwardness, to know how he was becoming to herself. But now that she saw him no more, she was restless and dissatisfied. Her nature was too bright and elastic. Her hopes for future pleasures too strong to allow her to pine or brood in melancholy thought. Her confidence in herself perhaps too strong to give her any real and easiness of mind. But still the surface of life presented no longer an unruffled mirror. The present was no longer so blissful a reality that a future was an intrusive thought. How very nice this is, Albert said, as he stood with her one evening by the sea. It was in the beginning of October, but the weather was still mild and pleasant, and a lovely sunset had kept them lingering on the beach. Very, Violet said, warmly, and I must day and see what colors clouds will take next. It is like the sunset in chilled herald. Let us sit down and watch the sky. You look at these things poetically, he said. I like them because they are beautiful, without thinking about poetry or theorizing about colors. What a shame and a shame it is to have to live always in London to see these things as a sight and not as one's natural born inheritance. But I don't mean to go on so all my life that I can tell you, not when you have married the heiress you used to speak of. What a pity it is, Albert, she said, laughing, that you never have taken to me with your opportunities. There is no telling what you might not have done. You would not have suited me at all, he said placidly. I have no idea of marrying a woman who thinks herself superior. No, neither for my husband or wife would that be an agreeable prospect. I like superiority, of course, and wish for it in my husband, but still. Oh, violet, Albert said, sarcastically. We know very well what you intend to have, the most superior man on the face of the earth, but perfectly submissive to you for all that. I believe so, she said, laughing, superior in principles and superior in intellect but inferior in some things by way of consolation. The fact is, I was not born submissive and we must be as we are born. This is delicious, Albert said, inhaling the sea breeze and looking at the glorious guy, talking of colors, there is every color of the rainbow there, green, purple, rose color. It is a sin to go to London. When do you move, violet? In a fortnight, she replied eagerly, and I am so glad, glad. Are you? Why? And he looked intently in her face. She blushed, and he then discreetly looked away, but violet was not sentimental and conscious of her blush. She said boldly, I miss Mr. Lester's visits. That is one reason. I want to know why he would not come and see us. You had better not ask him, Albert observed. With his usual discretion, I certainly shall. Why should I not? Because such questions are not proper for girls. He may have reasons he does not choose to tell, and he can say so. Can he not? Yes. But then you will fancy there is a mystery. Men do not like to be questioned, and I advise you with your tongue. I would take your advice if I could, violet said, but I know I cannot. I have thought him on civil, perhaps to say the truth. A little ungrateful, and yet I am sorry to think so. I must satisfy myself. Ungrateful. What a word for such a man as Lester. Why, what have you done for him so deserving of gratitude? You cannot make me ashamed of this word. I have done all I could to please him, and though no more than he deserves, a man, however superior should be grateful for that. I did not expect he would so soon forget us all. I did hope he would miss us too much to refuse the little trouble of coming here to see us. But it is, as the ballad says, she added, laughing, man were deceivers ever, one foot on sea and one on land, to one thing constant never. He may have good reasons, violet, Albert said, gravely. And that is what I wish to know, she replied, and then the conversation broke off. But when Lester and Violet met, she found the question less easy to ask than she had anticipated. He called with Albert a few evenings after Mr. Osborn's return to London, but the consciousness that he had acted with forethought, and thought as he would naturally have acted, made him constrained. Violet's manner added to this constraint. She had determined to show no peak, but against her will it did appear a slight coldness, or rather a slight repression of her usual cordial warmth was certainly to be discovered. And, though such a coldness might have reassured Lester, could he have argued on the subject? It froze him. Their conversation was calm, quiet, and indifferent. Lester had determined that that visit should begin a new phase of friendship, and with unspeakable pain he felt it had begun. But it did not quite end here. When Albert joined them, he casually alluded to the charms of broad stairs, and, moved by a sudden impulse, Violet seized the opportunity to ask the question Albert had forbidden, why would you never come near us? Mr. Lester, she said, with a return to her own natural manner, we had a nice house, and most enchanting sea breezes, I think it would have done you good. Lester had provided himself with an answer to this inquiry. He had made arrangements, the simplest and most natural, that he might have a proper excuse, but somehow they escaped his memory at the moment, and at coloring, he only said, I was extremely obliged to you all for the kindness of your invitations. I hope Albert thanked you as I desired him. Oh, yes, he thanked. She replied with a little scorn. But thanks were not quite all we wished or expected. We were offended, were we not? Albert, speak for yourself, Violet, he replied dryly. I understand reason when I hear it, and unwilling to see Lester embarrassed, he strolled back to his aunt. Then I speak for myself, Violet said gravely. There was at any rate no cause for offense, Lester answered, in a low tone, and the tone more than the words made Violet's heart beat quick. For an instant she felt embarrassed and wished her question best. But the next instant she recovered herself. I don't know what is generally considered a just cause for offense, she said, with a voice and manner of grave dignity. But in my opinion there is no greater cause than when those who have acted like friends cease to act so. It must come either from a change in themselves or else from distrust of others. And unless when it is a case beyond offense, I think either of these causes may be allowed to produce it. We cannot rightly judge of the motives of others, Lester replied, with a manner as grave as her own, and therefore we should not be hasty in taking offense. No more was said either by way of comment or explanation, but Violet felt as well as Lester, that the ways in their friendship had indeed begun. End of Volume 1, Chapter 9 Section 10 of Violet Osborne This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Recording by D. Rando Violet Osborne I had stood in my own mind remote from social life like a lone shepherd on a promontory who, lacking occupation looks far forth into the boundless sea, the prelude. From that time for many weeks Lester lived in a perpetual ferment and torment of heart. From that time for many weeks Lester lived in a perpetual ferment and torment of heart. Often after leaving the house in Park Lane, he walked up and down as he had done on the first night of his acquaintance with Violet, heated and feverish, even in the cold November fog. He no longer dreaded a repulse. He had indeed a natural defiance on that subject. Moments when he doubted whether the question marriage had ever entered Violet's imagination, but this was no longer the fear that agitated him. He thought Violet, like perhaps in the broad exception of the term, loved him, but he feared she did not love him enough. Not with the supreme and exclusive devotion which could alone carry them happily through the trials and disappointments of their united lives. For Lester, though he loved Violet with an ardor youth cannot know, had not used romantic imagination to guilt the future. Older in mind than in years he saw with a far-seeing glance that there must inevitably on both sides be much to bear. Ten years before he would have looked sanguinely forward to the change in himself, which a union with one as bright as sunny as Violet must spring. But he had no sanguine anticipations now. Such as he had been for two and thirty years, such he would be to the end. Nay, he dreaded less than that very union, less than the widely different disposition of his wife, less in the dependency their different worldly positions must cause, the chain that bound him might not press all the more heavily on his soul. He saw his future trials and shrink before them and still more painfully he foresaw those of Violet. He knew that the world's opinion was not indifferent to her. He could see that praise was sweet and admiration precious. He could guess that she would desire to be proud of the man she loved and had chosen. And to this desire blank disappointment must ensue. He had gifts and he knew it. But he could not bring them beneath the world's gaze. Not even with Violet's love before him, not even in the desire to be all she desired could he, even in imagination, picture himself another man than he was. She would go forward winning all hearts and she would look back and see him plotting alone the path of life neglected, uncorded, unbeloved. There were moments when for her sake he could willingly have blotted out forever that day whose annals recorded their first meeting. There were hours of doubt in questioning whether even yet it were not happier for both that the incipient passion should be smothered and never see light. But day by day words fell from Violet to the attempt to misunderstand her or receive. What is that letter, darling? And why do you keep looking at me? said Mr. Osborn one evening while Lester and Violet were talking. What plot are you and Mr. Lester forming upon my good nature? He joined his daughter as he spoke. It is a request, Papa, said Violet. And I am afraid I must come to you about it. It is beyond me. What against this are you leading her into now, Mr. Lester? Mr. Osborn inquired smiling. Let us hear what it is. It is not a request, said Lester Rising. But a suggestion from the clergymen of the parish where Ms. White is now living. I knew Ms. Osborn would be angry if I did not lay the suggestion before her. But I quite agree with you that we are extravagant and apt to forget that Ms. White is a distressed person in this world. Now, Mr. Lester, Violet said, shaking her head at him, you know you think this is a reasonable request and you must not turn against me. Listen, Papa, I know you will think it reasonable too. She took up the letter and read a few sentences describing Amy White's comfort and her gratitude. She then went on, I have one suggestion to make and that is that should there be at any time sufficient funds something should be done towards providing a small kitchen range or otherwise increasing the comfort of the kitchen. It is at present very poorly furnished and Ms. White, being an invalid and accustomed to better fare finds it hard to be satisfied with the poor provisions that must be hers. Her daughter does all she can, is small and smoky and there is no oven, nor any means of making a variety in their daily food. There, Papa, you can fancy what a trowel that must be to an invalid. I dare say underdone beef steaks and smoky mutton chops and that kind of thing. Lester smiled at this picture of Ms. White's bill of fare but said nothing. Mr. Osborne, who though no gourmand much accustomed to fare well not to value his good fare entered into the subject with interest. After a little talk with Lester and an inquiry into the price of the kitchen range he retired to write and presently returned with a check which he put into Violet's hand saying smilingly Now, nothing more Violet for a long, long time I forbid the mention of Ms. White's name for a whole week That is a kind father Violet said as he left him There, Mr. Lester you must write to the clergyman and as I am sure there is more than is wanted now you must tell him to lay by a little for the next great want You see, I am learning prudence Lester gravely took the check and as he did so remark it is certainly a blessing to be rich Yes, Violet said warmly it is but only in this view only to give Lester was silent and she went on I am sure I am not going to say anything against riches in themselves I dare say I like comfort and luxury too much and all the things that riches give but though I like them that is not the cause of my calling riches a blessing that is not why I thank God and my prayers for having them I would not be poor I blessed my fate that I was not made poor but only on this account because I should then lose the happiness of giving her face was beaming and bright with the earnestness of what she said I quite believe you Lester said with warmth but there was a shadow all the while on his countenance I wonder if you feel as I do Mr. Lester began again after a moment as if she was seizing an opportunity to pour out the thoughts of her heart it seems to me that preachers in general preach so poorly on this subject they speak to us to all rich people as if we were sordid souls as if we cared for riches for our own sakes and thought of nothing but spending on our own grandeur I sometimes long to get up and tell them to understand human nature you must remember Lester said that preachers deal with masses of men I mean no compliment when I say that congregations are not all composed of Miss Osborns do not say of Miss Osborns you know that you feel as I do I have not been tried with great riches he said seriously I see they have a tendency to make men selfish why should I suppose myself to be better or wiser than others Violet was silent for a few minutes and when she spoke it was with some change of subject I almost hate myself for speaking so much of riches she said for what are they and what distinction do they give if I say what I truly think it is that there must be something poor and low in the mind which sets up riches as a mark of distinction which looks on riches as an object for homage I should scorn myself if I thought I scorn all who think that riches are an unapproachable thing and again her face glowed with the earnestness of her thoughts perhaps I agree with you Lester replied more than you would imagine society gives a certain estimation to riches and to the common laws of society we must submit but I myself am no worshipper of wealth he paused then added while a glow stole over his cheeks the gifts of the mind and heart and in their degree of the body too are those which command my homage and they only I look upon as unapproachable things to such a speech no reply could be given and it was only after an embarrassed silence that Violet endeavored to laugh and lightly said I am glad then that we are of one mind you know what my thoughts on riches are and I know yours and you must not forget she more gravely added that we are agreed she would have given worlds to speak more plainly but she dared not but there is no need of plainer words Lester read every thought of her heart saw that she was ready to give herself her wealth into his hands and yet doubted still if the true love was there which was the only wealth he desired to receive that true love which in giving perfect sympathy might lose him from the chain that bound him and the burden which weighed him down it was about a week after this time that Lester called in Park Lane it was at an hour in which he had sometimes found Mrs. Osborn alone and so according to his hope he found her on this occasion shy men are very apt to make more awkward a thing which needs the yielding to impulse not to be done awkwardly but it was not on account of any shyness that Lester came to Mrs. Osborn's the constant and pressing invitations to their house were sanctions from Violet's father and mother to his attachment not that Violet's position in the matter of worldly goods needed a double sanction and what he did he would do openly I am come to ask you he began at once to permit me to see Mrs. Osborn alone you may guess on what errand I come and you may guess also in part at least what I feel and thus daring to come I know you must think me unworthy but you cannot think so more than I do myself I am too low and hurried for Mrs. Osborn to hear only the word unworthy reached her ears but she saw by his face what he said no one whom Violet loves or who loves Violet she replied in her soft gentle way can be unworthy of her I wish you success do you Mrs. Osborn wish me success he asked eagerly she heard him this time and answered with earnest kindness how precious a gift we think our child we should not lightly give her away but we have seen enough of you Mr. Lester to be sure that we may safely trust her and her happiness in your hands if you can win her love you have our love and blessing also her happiness he said grasping the hand Mrs. Osborn held out to him while a shallow filled on his countenance you make me afraid her happiness it is an awful trust what am I that I can make her happy Mrs. Osborn smiled gently and rising said she would call her daughter her manner was most encouraging but she left Lester in a tumult of troubled thoughts Violet's happiness to be placed in his hands in his who found his own being a burden too hard to bear it seemed to him as if never yet had he faced this thought as it needed to be faced he was standing leaning within the window in which Violet often said when the door opened and she entered it was a winter's afternoon but all the Osborn's loved light and brightness and the lamp and candles were blazing and Violet was in full light as soon as she appeared Lester's eyes fell eagerly upon her and for the first time a flash of hope illumined his heart in the thought that possibly she did love him even as he desired and required to be loved for the first time it was not the bright Violet who shone like a star above him but a something soft and tender who might submit to lose her being in his own it was the sight of her as timidly shyly with varying color and drooping eyelashes she came slowly towards him that put these happier thoughts into his head the burden of his being and the awful weight of her happiness floated from before him and almost before he knew that he had met her the deed was done the words were spoken and Violet was his own the trolled wife it was not till then that the thought of himself occurred until moments he was caught up into a paradise leaving behind him the chains of his infirmities and it was not till Violet placed her hand in his irrevocably his own that the sense of his unworthiness the weight of the trust reposed in him returned again he no sooner felt them than they were poured out before her sadly and touchingly he spoke of the weakness that made his life burdensome to him reproaching himself for having dared to love her and for now trying to unite her bright being to his and softly and like an angel Violet listened to him and comforted him and in her sympathy the rising trouble died away and life spread out new and fair and free before him the happiness of such moments is often spoken of as an illusion but the word is falsely used as an illusion that they will last but while they last their happiness has no falsehood about it it consists in the annihilation of self and the freedom from that bondage is a joy so real that perhaps nothing on earth is like her to heaven in such moments the most selfish are transformed and the good and unselfish dropping from them their mortal faults and infirmities become very angels of light nothing for the moment can be more real but then they are only moments the chain of mortality too soon clogs again you must come to papa Violet said at last rousing herself in him from their first happy trance I know what mama thinks because she kissed me so kindly when I came down and I am sure of papa too but I shall like him to know at once how she paused and blushed then added smiling how happy I am Lester sprang up fresh and strong in the confidence of Violet's love and followed her wait a moment and I will call you she said and hastened down the stairs she had heard the house door close a few minutes before with her father's peculiar and somewhat noisy touch and she now opened the door of his study and called to him papa she had just time to see that he was sitting with his head leaning on his hands in an attitude of fatigue care or thought unusual to him she saw it with a momentary surprise but had not time to acknowledge the surprise even to herself before the attitude had changed and he came forward to meet her as he said yes darling what is it oh papa she said putting her arms on him I am so happy I only hope you will be so too Mr. Lester she said no more Mr. Osborn kissed her but there was something of a sigh and there was a shadow on his face certainly this end to Lester's friendship with his daughter was not unexpected yet his ear was startled puzzled anything but please will you see him papa he is waiting to see you she continued eagerly and dear papa you must be very kind to him you must be as glad to have him and gladder than if he was a prince her father kissed her again and in his many kisses concealed some feeling that was not to appear call him darling he said you may be sure whoever makes you happy is more than a prince to me but he sighed again and pressed his hand on his brows and some embarrassed thought when she flitted away Lester entered alone and in the straightforward manly way never shy or nervous when an actual business or dooly lay before him approached Mr. Osborn and told wherefore he came and Mr. Osborn mindful of Violet's words met him with all the warmth and cordiality of which he was capable I do not speak to you of my unworthiness and presumption Lester said after a moment with quiet dignity not because I do not feel that I am unworthy of her for God knows I do feel it from my heart but because in my eyes and I hope in yours her choice is enough that makes me worthy you say true Mr. Lester Mr. Osborn replied and believe me I feel too strongly your own intrinsic worth and goodness not to be happy in trusting my darling in your hands he shook Lester's hand with an agitated pressure as he spoke I could have wished he paused and hesitated and put his hands on his brows again then rousing himself said quickly forgive me Mr. Lester if I do not say more on this subject at the present moment I have been harassed today and my head aches you will of course wish to tell your sisters what has passed but be so good as to beg them not to announce it until I have spoken to you again you may depend upon it Lester said quickly not a word shall be said thank you good night we shall give you a precious thing Mr. Lester you must cherish my darling as we have cherished her and tears fell down his cheeks it was again that awful trust of vilest happiness and again Lester trembled if love can do it he said with passionate fervor there is no fear I know it we trust you and again shaking his hand Mr. Osborn retired until the room and Lester left him after another interview with both Violet and her mother Lester walked home the excitement of the last weeks was passed he was at rest doubt and fear had passed into joy and certainty he had gained a treasure of value and beauty even a lover's eyes could scarcely rate too highly he had been met with a warmth a tenderness of care and love which should have hushed every throbbing pulse into calm and quiet and yet there was a weight upon his heart as he walked along a strange undefinable oppression this treasure that he was taking from so much love and cherishing was he strong enough to bear its weight had he not been daring to venture upon such a charge what was the life into which he had invited her to enter saying in the words of the old verses come live with me and be my love he walked slowly almost sadly and almost sadly arrived at home with his great happiness he said nothing during the evening but listened as with his custom with a kind of patient sympathy better than much speech to all the once wishes, opinions and fancies gathered up by his sisters during the day he left them early saying he was going to find Albert and when he had closed the door looked back and called Marion she went to him wondering yet not suspecting I want to tell you that I'm going to be married, Marion he said gently are you glad or sorry I hardly know she said in a startled voice oh John dear Marion he said stooping and kissing her it shall never make any difference with you be sure of that you and all of you tell the others and tell them too he added with a faint smile that tomorrow they may ask me what they please I could not bear to talk of it tonight he shook hands with her and joined secrecy and hurried away Marion returned to her sisters with a look of solemn thought the eight eyes were fixed eagerly upon her and well at last burst from all but Rachel John is going to be married she said in her matter of fact way he told me to tell you so good gracious screamed Jesse and Henrietta Rachel and Margaret though instinctively they had felt what was coming seemed paralyzed by the news oh good gracious repeated Jesse but I knew it I knew it didn't I know it didn't I tell you all from the very first minute that John was in love didn't I tell him that he wouldn't answer me I saw it I saw it and now I shall always know that I see what is right do be quiet Jesse said Margaret petulantly tapping her arm we don't care who said it the whole thing is come and what is to become of us he says we shall never know the difference Marion said more softly than was usual to her he kissed me and said it Rachel and Margaret looked at her with tremulous lashes as if they had heard John's own earnest voice reassuring them but that was nonsense said Henrietta everybody with common sense knows that a man with a wife and family cannot be a single man without any cares I know he will be kind but it must make a very great difference it must Henrietta Rachel said earnestly but we must never let John know that we think so Margaret shook her head despairingly she had begged him to marry it is true but the reality broke down her fancied heroism in some ways John is right observed Jesse it will make no difference except a good one of course he will be as rich as rich and then there will be Mrs. Lester how funny it sounds to take us out and then as Miss Osborn is so very much like I dare say we shall be like too upon the whole though it will be a dreadful nuisance I think I shall like John to be married very much I wonder what he said when he proposed I wonder what she said how should I like to know I wonder whether he knelt down and kissed her hand or whether that is all gone out I still certainly ask him what he did oh dear how I do wish I had got somebody to kneel to me don't be such a goose Jesse said Margaret ferociously John told me to tell you all that you might ask him what you pleased tomorrow he seemed a little anxious tonight I wonder Mary and continued after a moment's thought where he means to live and whether he will have a large establishment Jesse was the only one who was able to enter on this question with her and while the other three said absorbed and thought they settled John's house and household to their hearts content Jesse on a scale of extraordinary magnificence marrying with a constant dread of extravagance and debt making reductions in Jesse's proposals end of volume 1 chapter 10 section 11 of Violet Osbourne this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Dee Randall Violet Osbourne by Lady Emily Punsonby volume 1 chapter 11 world world old world but that thy strange mutations make us tremble life would not yield to age King Lear Lester called in Park Lane early the following day but Mr. Osbourne was out and as the restrictions regarding secrecy were still in force his visit was only moderate in its duration he fancied Mrs. Osbourne look grave as she set a mute and passive spectator with him and her daughter but Violet was in her gayest spirits she made him tell her all his sisters had said and half archly half shyly alluding to his old reproofs for her attentions asked his leave to be a good sister to them in the future he had never seen her more fascinating yet that wayward thing the human heart his human heart was not satisfied that timid trusting softness of the previous day was not there she was herself bright, kind feeling, thoughtful but self possessed and confident he knew that she was all to him he could not feel that he was all to her he went to his usual business with the weight upon his spirit he could neither explain nor understand in the course of the day Albert visited him and asked him with the look of great uneasiness if he had seen Mr. Osbourne Lester replied in the negative Albert looked about him as if to make sure there was no listener and then told him that he was afraid there was something wrong in the bank he hardly knew what or to what extent or what would be the event if such a thing happened as a run on the bank but he heard it was likely and some said the bank would close the following day Lester thought of Mr. Osbourne's strange looks and words and felt that it was true nay was scarcely startled so much had the oppression on his spirits prepared him for some impending evil but he thought of violet and trembled Albert left him in joining, silence and promising to bring him intelligence after he had been to Park Lane I don't believe it myself he said as he left the room it would be much too bad to be true poor violet it would kill her that I know Albert's news when he returned was not good although he had nothing to tell he was certain Mrs. Osbourne was very anxious about something he asked her if she was ill she had replied oh no much more shortly then was coming to her but Albert's own mind had been diverted by hearing from violet whom he had not seen the night before of her engagement he congratulated Lester with all his heart and told him that in his opinion it was violet who ought to be congratulated he had told her so and she had fully agreed the night in the morning passed by and wearing anxiety and then the blow fell it was known far and wide that Mr. Osbourne was ruined the bank in which he was a partner had closed such things had been too common to need many words there had been doing the autumn a time of great pressure in the commercial world but this bank one of long standing an excellent repute it was now when the sky was clearing that the unexpected blow fell it is only as regards the actors in this tale that the circumstances must be recalled Mr. Osbourne met the crisis with the resignation that was half Christian half philosophical and holy manly when after the first panic it was found that there had been no rash doings among the more efficient partners Mr. Osbourne had always been more devoted to every other man's business than to his own that the funds were nearly sufficient to meet the demands and that beyond those who naturally must bear the brunt of the day the sufferers would be few he evinced a composure and judgment which commanded the respect and confidence of all parties he was a man of strict integrity and an honorable mind and disgrace would have overwhelmed him relieved from his dread he prepared himself to bear his misfortune with courage one thought only unmanned him and that was his daughter Mrs. Osbourne never had any thoughts of herself she sympathized with her husband and child in their troubles as she had done in their joys and so sympathizing had hardly time to realize the greatness of the change to them and to herself she went from one to the other with her soft words and soothing manner and was miserable only in their grief but violent the resignation shown by her parents was not to be found in her she was at first stunned by the violence of the shock and when she realized what had befallen her every moment added fuel to the anguish of her feelings in prosperity spoiled child unspoiled, unselfish dutiful, generous and thoughtful but adversely came and found her unprepared and she fell let none harshly judge her there are many unknown lands on earth and those of mental trial are as unsounded by the inexperience as the path with sea or the untrotten desert we may wonder at the faltering steps of others as they climb some hill of difficulty or wade through some slough of despond but until we have walked in the same path we cannot tell that ours would be stronger Violet had been shielded not only from every breath of trial but even from the fancy of such a breath a too fond love and cherishing care had averted not from her eyes only but her thoughts and the stability of mortal things she had heard of one in poverty coming to others suddenly like an armed man but that there were dangers of such mutability in her lot had been hidden from her eyes as men of this generation had heard of wars and rumors of wars but knew not till war in its horror was amongst them what was the meaning of the word so Violet had heard of the changes of mortal life but thought not of them till they came upon her she behaved unlike herself and most unlike a heron self possession confidence hopefulness was gone and as a child whose eyes have no power to look beyond the present abandons itself to childish grief so the present anguish blinded her eyes dulled her powers of mind and overwhelmed her by the shock of her grief she begged her mother to write a note to Lester telling him she was incapable of seeing him and desiring him to leave her to herself such a message was no surprise to him and he obeyed it he knew that she was all to him but he knew he was not all to her she would have shared prosperity with him but he was not that friend who was sufficient for her she knew it felt it and his love shrink backwards into his heart the first two days Violet passed on her bed excess of agitation and bitter weeping affected her body as well as her mind and she lay speechless and immovable her mother hung over her and kissed and bathed her burning forehead and murmured her soft words of comfort but Violet would not be comforted would not because her sense of wretchedness made words of common comfort hateful to her had some strong man stood by her bedside and startled her by pointing out the sinfulness and selfishness of her conduct she would probably have risen up abashed and ashamed but her mother's gentle truisms and tender sympathy did not reach her ear she felt a misery beyond their comfort a load of grief none knew but herself it was the loss of all to her all that made life happy she might be ashamed to say it in words but she felt it in her burning beating heart on the third day the body began to revive and the restless mind could no longer be confined to one place she was forced to move about to creep about the house she no longer dared to look upon and once roused the future began to force itself upon her thoughts there was a future and she must decide what that future should be in the dust of the day she was sitting absorbed in gloomy thought when her mother approached her and kissed her how are you now darling she said gently Violet sighed and made no answer Mrs. Osborn put her cool hand on her forehead it burns still dear she said softly had you not better lie down again no mama I can't lie down anymore my head is well enough I must think now think she repeated despondently I think dearest we must see Mr. Lester soon must we not Mrs. Osborn said soothingly Albert says it must be left to me she replied petulently yes dear not till you are quite able but we must think of him when you can Violet sighed deeply but made no inquiry and no reply her mother stood timidly by her for a moment and then held a note before her eyes he has written to you dears but there is no need to trouble yourself to answer it at present no one is waiting a glow, not a blush but a glow of agitation flushed her face she took the note quickly and looked at it then laid it beside her and said again absorbed in her gloomy thoughts Mrs. Osborn sighed and turned away Violet had never named Lester except to request his absence but she had hoped thus to rouse her to life again Violet heard her mother sigh and her heart smote her so suddenly ran after her and putting her arms round her exclaim oh mama I am accursed to you and not a comfort but you should have taught me better things you should not have suffered me to put my whole happiness in this world's goods you do not dearest said her mother softly you are too noble for that the shock has startled you but is but for a short time and then with youth and hope and love you will be happy again Violet shook her head and returned to her place in her meditations after a time she took up Lester's letter and inspected it she seemed to shrink from reading it and it was only with an effort that at last it was read when she had done she laid it down with a sigh of relief the letter contained only these few words I have not intruded upon you and will not till I have your permission I can imagine what you feel if in any way I can be of use to Mr. Osborne need I say that I am at his command God bless you John Lester it was not much for a first love letter it was cold and constrained enough but Lester had read Violet truly and dared approach no nearer cold though it might be she was comforted by it before she left the room and her mother said I will see Mr. Lester mama that is right dear for he will expect it when shall it be will you write to him no mama you must write say I will see him soon he shall hear when very soon as soon as I feel able Violet would have been indeed unlike herself if her own self had long absorbed her she was already beginning to awake and before many hours she had completely awakened that night the change in her father's face attracted her attention for the first time since the shock she sat with her father and mother and Albert alone like their own selves no change as yet except in the grave sad faces her father lay back in his usual chair with his eyes closed Violet saw he was not sleeping and once she saw a single tear rolled down his cheek it was dashed off instantly with a furtive glance at her and she guessed that she had caused that tear the sight brought hope and comfort with it she had something yet to live for something yet to do and a gleam of brightness flashed over the future and diffuse vigor and courage into her body and mind she went to bed early for she was in want of rest and when she wished her father good night she spoke some of the thoughts that occupied her my dearest papa I have been a bad daughter to you she said twice kissing his brow you have cared for me and I have had little care for you but now we must change and you must let me comfort you I will be a comfort to you and we will still be happy poor Mr. Osborne was broken down by her words he tried to smile and speak but in vain and could only softly pat her hand and kiss her again and again Albert followed her out of the room with tears in his eyes I say Violet he said catching hold of her you all make me so wretched I could cry like a baby what's come to the world I wonder to have all this misery in it Violet sighed again and from her soul the momentary hope had disappeared and she saw only the gloom around her it is as bad for you as for us Albert she said at last I am very sorry for you never mind me I must exert myself that is all but it is as miserable a business as ever I heard of in my life and Violet that poor Lester when leave him to me she said with sharpness I will not be dictated to I don't want to dictate I only say don't try the poor fellow more than he can bear he is as unhappy as we are Violet he need not be she said coldly good night dear Albert I wonder if your head aches as mine does or if there are many poor heads in the world that seem to have live coals within them as mine has a good many I dare say if all came to be known he said gravely Violet and sleep if you can for you make my heart ache End of volume 1 Chapter 11