 The makers of Wrigley Spearman Chewing Gum invite you to enjoy life. Life with Luigi, a comedy show created by Psy Howard and starring that celebrated actor, Mr. J. Carol Mash with Alan Reed as the swallow. You know friends, Wrigley Spearman Chewing Gum is a typically American product that appeals to people of all ages and nationalities in all parts of our country. And the Wrigley people feel that Life with Luigi is a typically American radio program. A friendly, enjoyable show that sort of symbolizes the American spirit of tolerance and goodwill. So the makers of a refreshing, delicious Wrigley Spearman Gum are glad to bring you Life with Luigi each week and have you join them in this pleasant half-hour's entertainment. And now let's read Luigi's letter as he writes about his adventures in America to his mama Vasco in Italy. Dear Mamani, in America all the business is run by what we call accounting. Last week I had accountant in my antique shop. He's examining my books, accounting my profits, adding my expense. And he's found out that if my business should become very good and I'm going to sell out everything in my store, I'm going to go broke. But accountant has said, I'm going to change my profit system. Otherwise my countryman Pasquale is not going to renew lease on my store and then he's going to throw me out. Mamani, I'm going to argue with Pasquale because he's mad at me. Last week my sign is a blue oven in front of his restaurant and it's no help. It's a business when the customers read everything I hear made before 1900. And the whole thing is made to me very sad. I'm in love with my antiques. I'm going to want to change my business. But what I'm going to do? Mamani, you look bad. And I'm going to think I'm going to go to my night school to class and ask them for advice. All right, class. Let's come to attention. How tall are all? Mr. Basco? Present. Mr. Howard? Present. Mr. Olsen? Mr. Olsen? Well, that's odd. This is the first time he's been absent. Oh, the quiz kit has a cold. And from that remark, I can discern Mr. Shokes is present, too. I am here, Miss Balding. Oh, him and the penicillin don't care who it helps. Sit down, Mr. Olsen. What delayed you? Well, James Balding, the boating was so heavy that I was. I see. Well, you're excused as long as you voted. I voted too, Miss Balding. It's a wonderful feeling to go into that boot and put your axe on the ballot. Well, frankly, Horowitz, I refuse to be insulted. Just because the authorities tell me to sign an axe, there's no reason to do it. What do you mean, Olsen? Well, maybe the other people can't write, but I can. I never once used the axe. I signed my name all over the ballot. To save Olsen, he took the legs of himself governor. Mr. Olsen, I'll explain that to you, but some other time. Now, let's get to our economics lesson for today. Mr. Horowitz, will you explain the law of supply and demand? With pleasure. The law of supply and demand is a simple question of God and ain't God. What? Sure. When you've got something people want. When you ain't God, they also want. But more, making other people who ain't God want when they shouldn't. That's the kind of answer I like. Simple, and yet you can't understand. Mr. Basso, will you explain the law of supply and demand to us? All right. A supply is my antics. Well, yes, your antics are your business, which you supply. And demand. Now, what is demand? It's another demand. What do you mean? Business is terrible. What? Nobody is a demand of my antics, so Pasquale, he's refused to sign on my lease and is cut off of the supply. And unless I'm going to do something to supply more business, Pasquale is a demand I'm closing my store because of the supply. Luigi, are you for shimmers? Mr. Schultz, I don't think that's helping, Mr. Basso. But maybe our economics lesson could help him out. Lovigy, did you ever think of supplying some other line of goods that the people would demand? That's an excellent idea, Olsen. I know just what would go fine with antics, Lovigy. Books and phonograph records. Some combination, Paul Revere and Mark Twain with Spike Jones in the middle. Mr. Schultz, please. Mr. Basso, I think you might very well consider that suggestion. I'm a thinker, so very good. But a wellimer can get a money for these things. From the bank, Lovigy. They're always happy to lend money to a responsible businessman, especially if it's to expand his establishment. Pure heart, that's right. And Lovigy, if you want to, we will all give you our names as friends. Oh, thank you, friends. You're wonderful to me. Luigi, my friend. Hello, Luigi. Hello, hello. Hello, Pasquale. You sound like you've got something on your mind. Speak up a little bit out of nose. Pasquale, I'm coming to you with a proposal. What? What do you say? I said I'm coming to you with a proposal. Luigi, you're no man in the world. The way that before you proposed, I got a call into my daughter, Rosa. Pasquale, I'm not going to propose it for Rosa. This is for you. Well, you're crazy. I've been married once. I'm not going to get married again. Pasquale, I'm not going to business your proposal. Luigi, you just marry my Rosa. That's all in the business I want to do. Let me explain. You don't want to sign on my list because I'm not going to do any business, right? The question is obvious. Keep talking. All you want is I'm sure to do business. You don't care how I'm a daughter, right? I'm listening to just get to the trap. It's not a trap, Pasquale. It's not a trap. I've got idea to open up another business in my antique shop to bring a lot of people in. That's not only help for me, but to the people at the pass-by is a help for you, Spaghetti Palace. See, I see you're interested. Just imagine, Pasquale. I've got just a sign for a new business at all. Look and listen. Look and listen. Sure. People come in and listen to beautiful phonograph records. Stop, stop. I think it's a wonderful idea, and I thought just the business you want to open. Here you go. Yeah, Saloon. Oh, Saloon. Oh, look and listen. They come in and listen to the jokey box and look on the television. Now, where do you a genius? No, Pasquale, you're all wrong. I couldn't have opened a Saloon, but I was thinking I would do something, something fine, like sell books and a phonograph for records. What? Where's the connection? I think books and a music is a food for the mind. I'm afraid of people's minds. You'll feed their stomachs. And between the both of us, the whole country gets indigestion. That's what I'm going to do. I'm not going to advance the money to put up with some high-class junk. But Pasquale, I'm going to get the money. I'm going to the bank, and I'm going to get the references from my friends. Oh, so you're scheming behind in my back. The cats have been playing while the rats away. Now, Pasquale, I'm going to scheming. I'm just going to help my business. You should renew my lease. Well, if you think I'm going to... All right, Luigi, go to the bank. I'm going to help if you need me. Oh, thank you, Pasquale. And if I'm going to get the money from the bank, are you listening to my proposal? Oh, but if they don't give you the money, you listen to my proposal. Before we return to life with Luigi, we'd like to put in a word about delicious wriggly spearmint chewing gum. You know, friends, there are times every day when we all get a little hankering for something tasty to chew on. For times like that, there's nothing better than a stick of wriggly spearmint gum. It tastes good. It's refreshing. You can chew on it as long as you want. Most of all, chewing a stick of wriggly spearmint satisfies that little hungry feeling without filling you up or spoiling your appetite. Keep some delicious wriggly spearmint gum handy all the time. Enjoy it often. It's good and good for you. Now let's turn to page two of Luigi Basco's letter to his mother in Italy. I'm a went to the bank of Feralon, but the man he's a treat to me mean. Soon as I'm told to manage my name, his hands shake as I get a cold like a fish. He's not everything about me. He's not even a look on my references and he's a say goodbye while I'm still sitting in a chair. First I didn't understand how he's found out all of these things. But then I must suffer myself. Every banker has got a little man who's a sit in a cage. And over him is a sign that you say, Teller, that the man is a tall anime. So here I am sitting in my store waiting to get thrown out there when it comes to my classmate the shoes. Luigi, my fellow boob. Hello, sir. Ah, what's the matter with you, Luigi? You look like an air dale with the air leaking out. Everything is a go bad. Bankers that refuse me to learn the Pasquale is not going to sign the lease. Looks like I'm going to have to move out. Though what, Luigi? Don't cry. Smile. Maybe at the time you tried something else anyway. Tell me this. What did you do in the old country? Well, let me say, once in a while I'm used to give a haircut. Haircuts? But that's wonderful. You could be a barber. Tell me, who did you give the haircuts to? Uncle Pietro's a god. Luigi, here we don't let our beards grow so long. But I think you got it a good idea. Yeah, you're going to learn to be a barber. Learn? Who's going to learn to me? Himmel, what grammar, Luigi? It's who's going to learn I. Anyway, you're going to go to barber college. I'm going to lend you the money for the lessons and when you open up your own shop you can pay me back in haircuts. That sounds good. Barbers, they make a good money. Oh, sure, there's plenty of profit and it all comes off the top. Don't smile, Luigi. Tell Pasquale he can keep it, please. You are independent. Oh, Luigi, I got a feeling you're going to make a wonderful barber. Hi, Shusi, you make me feel so good. How am I going to thank you? Don't thank me, Luigi. Just let me see one thing. What's that? A smile. Come on. Always happy, always laughing. Oh, my God. My roomacism is killing me. Well, Mr. Pasquale, there's no reason why you couldn't become an excellent barber with training in my college, but in order to have your own shop you at least have to pass a state-bought examination and pass all three parts, written, oral, and practical. Now if you pass everything, then you're a barber. Well, I mean, I'm in a terrible trouble. Trouble? Why? I've been a shaver to myself for over 20 years and without a license. All right, Mr. Pasquale. Now let's begin your first lesson. I saw you operate the clippers and you seem to handle them well, but a very important thing about being a barber is how you handle the customers. How? Am I handling them? Well, certainly. You mean I'm also giving them a massage? No, no, no. It's a matter of business. See, a man walks up to your chair. You give him a nice smile and you say, Good morning, sir. What if it's a nighttime? Well, then you say, Good night, sir. My, my, my customers are going to walk out before he's even coming. Well, Mr. Pasquale, please, I meant to say good evening. Now, after you get the hair clout around his neck, you say, Nice weather we're having. Nice weather we're having. Yes, indeedy-dee-dee. Yes, indeedy-dee-dee. Would you like your haircut long, short or medium? Huh? Would you like your haircut long, short or medium? I think I'm going to take a shot, not too much off of the basket. No, Mr. Pasquale. You ask these things. Now, come on, try it. All right, then. All right. Good morning, sir. If it's a nighttime, a nice weather we're having, would you like your haircut long, short or medium? Yes, indeedy-dee-dee. You learn soon enough. Oh, you really think so? Sure. Good. Oh, that Pasquale, he's going to die when he sees how smart time will become. Smart? Yeah, sure. In one day, I'm going to skip from a 3 p.m. night to school to Barbara College. Mr. Pasquale, I tell you, the whole neighborhood's been going down there to give Luigi a show. Yes, that's what everybody's told me. Luigi, the Italian antique, has become a Yankee clipper. Where's my rosa? I sent her down there two hours ago. Isn't that her coming in? Oh, yes. Yes. Hello, Papa. Hello, Rosa. What's happening? Papa is amazing. I went into the Barbara College and sat down in the chair. Luigi was wearing a white coat. Yes. You could have thought he was a doctor, only he didn't say stick out your tongue. Lisa, don't give me no observatories. Just tell me what's happened. Papa, you'll never guess. He gave me a real haircut. What do you expect? Did he get a toupee? Rosa, it's a looker like a toupee. Shut up, you crazy. What are you so happy about? Once a Luigi learns to make a living without his antique shop, he don't need us. You know what that means. Luigi wouldn't marry you? Uh-huh. I did. I think I'm going to get down there and get him into trouble with my haircut. I'm making such a complaint. He's going to be bothered from every shop in the country. I'm going to fix that little pub squeaky. Figure it out. Figure it out. Figure it out. Figure it out. Figure it out. Thank you, sir. And how do you like it? It looks okay. It's a dirty, dirty. Look at the mirror for yourself. I'm in my two places, sir. Fine, fine. Here, this is for you. Thank you, well, I'm going to brush you off. All right, next. Oh, wait a minute, I almost forgot something. Forgot what? I'm supposed to tell you about the weather report. It's a nice weather we're having, huh? Goodbye. Goodbye. Next. Luigi. You deserve a lot of credit. You act like a first-class businessman. You're a good barber, Luigi. Oh, that shave you gave me was perfect. You have a torch that is soft and gentle. Not your key. Thank you, well, sir. Luigi, the truth. You like this work? Hello, it's that truth. No. I thought so. Still dreaming of the antique shop, huh? Yeah, sure. You're, well, Luigi, that's life. Sometimes they got to take Luigi. Oh, no, no, no. Hey, hello. Sure, sir. Hey, what's the matter? You better learn it. Yeah, sure. Oh, listen to me. The way my heart is racing now, it could wind up as a speeding ticket. Luigi, Luigi, guess what? I found out why the bank turned you down. It was Pascuali. Yeah, just before the bank manager was in my delicatessen. And he asked me how I could give references to a fellow like you when Pascuali said you was worthless. And you know the worst thing. Now what? He could prove you're worthless. How do you like Pascuali? If it isn't a meanest move, it happens. Well, well, well. The barbershop's a quartet, sir. Hey, you must have been talking about me. My age is abated. Yeah. And if you heard what the patrol said, then all of you would be barbecued by now. Don't be so smart, Schultz. Hey, Mr. Barberman, are you opening for business? Yeah, sure. I'm a... I'm a man. Yes, sir. Are you next? Well, well, well. At least you know what's coming out of the mouth, the little popper squeak. Very good. Life's a trim, and if you make it a good, this nickel is all yours. Very good, sir. Yes, sir, baby, baby. Luigi. Luigi. Hey, what's going on? Then it's a nice weather to have an assailant. Don't you think? Listen to that. Nice weather we had with the yesterday to do it. How better when they let this greenhorn in the Statue of Liberty began swimming back to France. Clippers assailant? Yes, the clippers assailant. Hey, not too close. I said a light trim. But, Squally, it is so happens Amma got a little lace right here that Amma want you to sign. Stop, Luigi. You acting ridiculous. I am. Hey, I told you to take it easy when I was a clippers. I better get out of here. Hey, old sir, stop holding me. Who's the guy with my legs down? If you don't mind, sir, I'm giving you all a shine, sir. Wait, I'll get my hands off. Oh, my hands. And I'm the manicurist. But, Squally, sign this lace. Absolutely not. All right, you asked for it. Every time Amma give a zip for Squally, I have to take a one inch of hair off your head. What? What do you say? You gonna sign this lace? Baldie? What are you? Luigi. We got quick, melon hat. All right, all right. Here, give me the lace. I signed. Good. Now I'm a saver for the next three years. As long as I'm a saver, my hair. Not so quick, Samson. What? Yeah, we owe you something for that bank loan deal. Hand me those clippers. No, it's not. You hold them over. I'm sure it's a stopper. Let me go hold them. Luigi, please. Do something to Luigi. Sign something to talk. Nice sweater we're having at Donny's. And so, I mean, Amma got to my lease of signs and everything has turned out to fine. Of course, I'm still not in my antique shop yet. No, there isn't nothing wrong. But after I was a barber, I'm still gotta be something else. A waiter. That's right. That's why it is so shame to serve as a customer who would have bowled ahead. After for the next two weeks, I'm taking care of his place. And right now, I'm waiting on the three very important barbers in the neighborhood. That's the Schultz, Orowitz, and Alson. And one thing I'm never learned in a barber shop or college is how to add. So even though they've been eating and they're drinking all night, Amma can't figure their merit to be more than a knicker. That's just the size of a Pasquale's tipper to me. Yes, it did it, did it. You're loving a son, Luigi. You must score the limit again. Folks, the makers of Wrigley's Spear Mint Chewing Gum hope you've enjoyed tonight's episode of Life with Luigi. And they want to remind you that Wrigley's Spear Mint Gum is an ideal treat for your whole family to enjoy. It's all helpful and wholesome. You can even give it to tiny children with perfect confidence. And you can pass it around often to everyone in your house because it costs so little. So next time you do your shopping, be sure to include Wrigley's Spear Mint Chewing Gum on your shopping list. Always have a few packages handy as a treat for yourself and your family and for other folks who might drop in. The makers of Wrigley's Spear Mint Chewing Gum invite you to listen next week at this time when Luigi Basco writes another letter to his mama basco in Italy. Life with Luigi is a Psy Howard production and is directed by Mr. Howard. Mac Benhoff writes the script with Lou Deman. J. Carol Ash is starred as Luigi Basco with Alan Reed as Pasquale, Hans Conrad as Schultz, Jodie Gilbert as Rosa, Mary Schipp as Miss Balding, Joe Forte as Horowitz, and Ken Peters as Rosa. Music is under the direction of Vlad Buskner. This is Bob Stevenson's speech. When you contribute to the 1950 Red Cross Fund, you're not just giving to the Red Cross. You're giving through the Red Cross to the American people. Yes, the American Red Cross is a partnership of the people of America. Remember, all may help through the Red Cross. This is CBS, The Columbia Broadcasting System.