 So this past weekend, I was on a boy's trip with three of my oldest mates that I've known for 35 plus years. And what was interesting about this is two of the men are, have been married for over 25 years and one, we were all in each other's wedding. One of them has been divorced for not quite as long as I have and he's in a relationship right now. And I decided to pick these guys brains. And I was thinking to myself, what makes them stay in and what makes a guy leave? So I want to lean into this conversation of what causes a man to stop making efforts, stop chasing, stop pursuing you. So what's interesting of the two married guys, I was thinking to myself, these guys would be such fish out of water if they got divorced now. Now thankfully, they're happily married. And ladies, let me just say this, for many of you who do not believe that there are good men out there, there is an abundance of good men out there. There really are. Okay? At the same time, these good men, if they were actually in the dating marketplace today, as I said a moment ago, I think these guys would be a fish out of water, because they wouldn't have any clue how to date. It's been over 25 years for them. They wouldn't even know what internet dating is like. And I'm sure many of you will feel the same way. Many of you are in this position of having to do something contrary to what you were raised with. And I know speaking for myself, I know I, you know, when I joined the realms of single after divorce, these, this thing called online dating, what the heck was that? And in some ways, I thought this was an easy way to meet a person. And I was in for a big surprise. In fact, that's what led me to my profession. I'm grateful that it's put me in a position to be able to help people. And so, but coming back to the one person who is in a relationship, he's divorced in a relationship, we were talking about one of his previous relationships and why it ended. And what he said to me was in the beginning of the relationship, there was all these good things about the relationship. As he got to know this person, then as the relationship began to progress, the bad started to outweigh the good. The bad started to outweigh the good. And I know many of you have probably experienced the same thing. You've been in a relationship where the bad begins to outweigh the good, but you feel stuck. You feel as though you have no choice but to stick it out. Some people even double down on these types of relationship. And I can share with you, he even felt that he stayed a four-year relationship. He's probably stayed three and a half years too long. And I guess you might have felt the same way. So, you know, as a coach, my job is to help you do a better job of choosing people like those first two guys I spoke of, those guys that are in fully committed relationships, happily in love with their wives, and they don't have to worry about the dating marketplace and the mess it is right now. Because as I say frequently, it is a shit show out there. Because we're dealing with rather dysfunctional human beings. That's right. The reality is, is for those of us in midlife, which I always say is after baby making years and before retirement, it's a quite, it's a shit show out there dating. It is very complicated to meet somebody who's aligned with your values, who is compatible with your lifestyle. And more importantly, they have the emotional maturity to lean into a relationship. This is why I began a coaching practice. And if you aren't familiar with the I am a coach, I help women do a better job of bedding then. And if you need help with that, check out the link right here to a you see right there, a free discovery call to see if working with a coach is right for you. I teach you which questions you should ask a guy to determine if he's right for you. And more importantly, his emotional maturity. Now, if I come back to my two friends who are married, I think they're both emotionally mature. And yet they probably don't have I'm going to suspect this, because they've only been with each one of them is literally only been with one significant person their entire life. All they know is that. And yet to date, the importance of having emotional maturity and relationship skills to actually lean into a healthy, happy relationship, most importantly, conflict resolution skills. But I'm going off on a tangent here, because this detracts from where I was going in this conversation and what causes a man to stop pursuing and stop chasing you. Well, as I said in the beginning, we oftentimes enter into relationship with all the good and oftentimes it's the chemistry that drives the relationship. And if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg chart, you can see here, attraction is based on chemistry. That's above the waterline. Below the waterline is compatibility. I said this earlier, shared values, blendable lifestyle and more importantly, emotional maturity. See, we humans tend to focus on the attraction piece, the good piece. And yet as a relationship begins to become seasoned, we're dealing with, does this person's values really align with mine? Does this person's lifestyle align with mine? I know many of you have invested months, if not years in a long distance relationship and you have no clue as to whether or not this relationship will actually align for you. I know most of you know I wasn't a long distance relationship. That long distance didn't last very long until we decided to make a commitment with each other and move in together. So it wasn't really a long distance relationship for very long. In fact, all we had to do was drive to each other's airports as far as the distance is concerned. So I started to think, when does that point of the good starts, the bad starts to outweigh the good? And today we're dealing with another challenging issue. And that is dating is a relatively new phenomena. It's only probably have been around quite frankly, a half a century. Before that people made it rather quickly with one another. Even my girlfriends, parents got engaged. They eloped 12 days after knowing each other, 12 days. That wasn't uncommon 60, 70, 80 years ago. Today we go through a vetting process. We go through a dating process to get to know someone. And I want you to think about this. This drastically changes from those who are in their 20s and 30s versus those of us in our 40s, 50s and 60s. Because we come to the table with a lot more luggage in our lives. We might have children. We might have a contentious ex. All of this plays into a part of whether or not we can really be compatible with another human being. So going and because we're dating, we're oftentimes a lot of people aren't capable of full commitment. I want you to think of this. A lot of people aren't capable of full commitment. If you're not familiar with my other chart, and I'm sorry that it's not fancy, but I talk about the three types of people who are actively dating. And I want you to can see here, by the way, this is not a fact that's merely an opinion. The first category are users. These are the people in it for the short run. They're the love bombers, the players, the gold diggers, the entitled people, the selfish people only care about themselves. I say that's roughly 20% of the population. I'm sure most of you think it's more than that. Then I say there are the growers and the builders. These are people that genuinely want to grow into a relationship with someone. And the majority of people 60% are what I call spenders. They want to spend time with you. They're capable of companionship, connection, and sex. What they're not capable of is commitment. And since the majority of everybody is dating in this pool, if you will, it's no wonder it's a clusterfuck out there. Because many of you aren't establishing genuine commitment right from the very beginning. In fact, ladies, many of you know my rhetoric. If I always say this, before the penis goes inside the vagina, you should at least read the book, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. Okay, chapter one, at least chapter one, read it with a guy, is all about trust and commitment. Think about this for a second. What is trust? Trust isn't about fidelity, although that is important. Trust is, does this person have my best interest at hand? I want you to think about how quickly we'll have sex with people we know nothing about. I want to say I am participated in this frequently. I've had sex with women I know nothing about. I didn't have their best interest at hand because I was only looking out for my best interest. Real commitment happens when you establish trust with one another, where you can feel like this person has my best interest. Isn't that really the most important facet of a relationship? Is that level of commitment? And yet many of you don't even know how to establish commitment. Many of you don't even know the right questions to ask to determine if this person is capable of leaning into commitment. So guess what? You're naturally going to be dating a significant pool of those spenders I talk about. And guess what happens with spenders? They like the companionship, they like the connection, they like the sex. But remember I talked about before, the good, the bad starts to outweigh the good of what's happening in the relationship. These guys and gals tend to flake. So I want to lean into what are some of the reasons why a person starts to, because when we think about when they stop pursuing and they stop chasing, they're really pulling back, right? You've heard about this, why do men pull away? Why do men pull back? And please, please, please do not follow the rhetoric that says just lean back in your feminine energy when the guy pulls away because he's going to lean in and claim you. That is a crock of shit. And let me tell you, all you do when you lean back, if you're playing this feminine energy leaning back game, is you trigger the emotionally wounded men to temporarily chase you, temporarily, and then you're going to be playing this dynamic back and forth. And believe me, you do not want to be playing the game of leaning back every time he pulls away. So I want to better prepare you to be in a healthy happy relationship. This is one of the reasons why I recommend so many books so you can be better prepared to be in a relationship. But let's talk about those five things that make a guy stop chasing and pursuing you. All right, number one, this is the saddest one of all. In some sense, he, by the way, here's my notes. Someone better entered his life. That's right. Sadly, when many of you are in casual relationships, that you don't have a real established goal of building something together. Remember, I talked about the growers and the builders. These are men who genuinely want to build something with you. When you're spent, when you're with a spender or a user, you do not have established partnership agreement to explore the deeper roots of trust that, that make for a committed relationship. So the minute someone nice, you know, someone more attractive comes along, a man will start pulling away. But these days, since there's very little commitment established in the early stage of relationship, these happen usually very quickly. And what I mean to say quickly is that because dating today has very little real commitment to the process of getting to know someone. Let me let me see if I have my book. If the Buddha dated up here, where's my if the Buddha dated somewhere here. Here it is. Sorry, my new bookshelf here. If the Buddha dated, I love this book because it's an intentional approach, taking out the bullshit gender rhetoric of how we're things supposed to be like the book, the rules. The rules is only establishes ways to temporarily get insecure men to chase you or asshole men to chase you. But believe me, I say temporary and assholes, those are the relationships you probably don't want to be in long term. If I was going to recommend an empowerment book, I highly recommend the book. If why men love bitches, here we go. And bitch stands for babe in total control of herself. Yes, because those women typically don't lose men to a man chasing someone else. I'm here to encourage an empowered way to approach the dating process. And yet sadly, many of you are struggling on the inside because you have childhood wounds and traumas, child and wounds and traumas that need healing. This is why I'm going to grab one more book out of my bookshelf today. I highly recommend reading the Hoffman process. This is a deep dive into healing those childhood wounds and traumas. So you don't have to find yourself in a position that he's looking for someone better. Believe me, those empowered women, those women who have done the inner work, the women who stand up for themselves as a babe in total control of themselves, they tend to don't lose men to them finding someone else. Okay, that's number one. Number two, there's something that turns him off. Now, what made me think of this is Amber Heard. And if many of you follow the Amber Heard Johnny Debt Trials and he was no picnic either, but I'm here to say is there might be that person that gets constantly triggered by what's happening in this person's life or the, let's talk about the guy's life, they're constantly triggered. And I've had men, I've had men tell me repeatedly, they're in relationships with women who are constantly triggered, not accepting the man for who he is. And those triggers turn into a confrontation in the relationship. Now, I will suspect that one of the challenges women face with men is that men tend to be more emotionally stoic. And men, in some cases, men are emotionally constipated. What I mean to say is they don't have the emotional skills to articulate their feelings in a way that makes you see, that makes you feel seen, heard, and understood. In fact, I kind of think about it this way, your desire of emotional desire from him is here, his capability is here, and that space in between is called drama. And drama is one of the primary reasons why a guy starts to slowly pull away, the bad starts to outweigh the good that was established in the beginning of the relationship. Drama is a tough one. And what I'm here to say is a lot of women don't realize that their own individual triggers cause a man to push him away. It's those triggers of fear usually. Here's the thing. Oh, by the way, where's my other book? Oh, my sweetheart pulled it out for me. I'm only recommending this book for a moment. It's called How to Make Love All the Time by Barbara DeAngelis. Why I'm bringing up this book in this moment in relationship to drama is I'm here to encourage a more conscious way of approaching the dating process by building trust right from the early stages. So if you're physically intimate with each other, that's to a time to establish this level of trust and commitment and intimacy with each other. So you don't find yourself in this position of I need you to love me to feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. Sadly, we are suckling on the nipple here in the United States of a constant need of validation. Now, I can speak personally. I'm a little insecure in this way. I probably need a little bit more validation than my partner does. And yet one of the things we do is we talk about some of our triggers. If at least you can discuss them in a more conscious way, you're less likely to have a man stop chasing or stop putting effort into you. Okay. Number three. Oh, and by the way, one last thing about something turns them off. Many of you men and women out there have established a relationship built on a trauma bond between the two of you. He's got some emotional trauma bond going on. You have an emotional trauma bond going, excuse me, you have an emotional trauma going on. He has an emotional trauma going on. You bond it together. And what's happening is you're reliving a trauma bonding cycle with one another. And it's no wonder at some point this becomes too much for him or too much for you and you disappear. Number three. He's a spender and he doesn't see the relationship going anywhere. I talked about those men that are the spenders in the relationship. This is those are the men that because they don't have a conscious level of commitment established in their desire with a partner, they just want to spend time with someone that companionship that connection and sex that they they almost enter into a relationship knowing that it's going to end because they're just killing time with you. I was talking to someone the other day who said that during COVID, they entered into a relationship with somebody knowing that it was short lived because it was just companionship in that moment. A lot of people during COVID had what I call companionship relationships. These weren't long lived these weren't relationships that were going for the long term. And so what ended up happening is those relationships end up fading out. So again, coming back to in the beginning of the dating process, it's all good because you're driven by that chemistry and that lust and that limerence. Limerence is this extreme evacuation. Lust is that desire to want physical sexual connection with someone. But as soon as that the other emotional side doesn't get fulfilled, these relationships tend to fade. And as I said earlier, men tend to pull back and stop chasing and pursuing. Number four, his life is in chaos. Oh my God, I can't believe how many of you women are choosing men whose lives are in chaos. They've got a contentious ex that they're dealing with. Maybe they had problematic children. Maybe they have covert incest with one of their children. Look that up. Covert incest. That's one of my five glaring red flags I talked about in the video about a month ago. Maybe he's got issues at work. Maybe he's got health issues. Now, speaking as a person that's a tail end baby boomer Gen X or medical issues are going to be prevalent for those of us in that age bracket. But these are more true for men and women alike. The more complicated a person's life. See, here's the thing. It's not that people that have melt health issues or contentious ex or problems with work or problems with family members or whatnot aren't deserving of a relationship. The real question is do they have a strong enough foundation underneath them to build the layers of trust and commitment and intimacy to actually build that house called committed relationship. And the weaker the ground underneath them, the harder it is for them to establish relationships. So number four, their life is in chaos. You're not keep how many ladies have experienced the following. You met a great guy. You're having a good time. You're on your 10th or 11th date. You've been having sex with each other. And all of a sudden he pulls the, you know, I'm not ready for a relationship card. Now it could be because of you, but it could be a lot of times they throw their life under the bus. And maybe if you ask better questions, again, schedule a discovery call with me, ask better questions, right from the get go, you would avoid those men who are going to bail early on. And lastly, number five, he's insecure. And he doesn't feel you love him. That's right. There's a significant percentage of men who are as much as you guys go, Jonathan, I want that confident man that's going to sweep me off my feet. Well, a lot of guys might seem that way right from the beginning. But at the end of the day, there is a lot of men and I'm going to raise my hand in this, this category that can be insecure. I have, I'm riddled with insecurities. And sometimes I have felt in previous dating experience that the person didn't like me or love me enough for me to make that investment. This is the problem with so many people actively dating today without a level of purpose, a lack of level of intentionality. And sadly, we're dealing with a huge population that lack emotional maturity and relationship skills. By the way, if you haven't seen this chart, it's not a fact. It's merely an opinion. I believe roughly 20% of the population is actively dating as clinical emotional health issues. That doesn't mean they're not capable of being in a relationship, but it makes it harder for them that foundation. And while I say 20% have good relationship skills, the vast majority are dysfunctional. It's taken me over a decade to learn all of the terminology and all the little tools to be able to navigate conflict and relationship. And so few people actually know how to do that. So what's the antidote to all of those folks? All right, many of you know, I'm going to start off by pitching my book right there is right behind me is my book right there. But my book is what the heck is self love anyway, a journey of personal development, self health and spiritual work. By the way, there's a link below to get all the books I recommend. While I'm recommending my book, along with something even more critically important is is understanding that good communication skills is developed over time. Just because women have a propensity to express their emotions doesn't mean they're expressing it in a healthy way. In fact, if you're not familiar with the book nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg, I highly recommend checking this out. Folks, many of you have this many women as well as men have this fantasy that they're actually good at being in a relationship. I'm here to say your job in dating is one goal is to determine if this person is right for me and is this person capable well actually I said one goal I mean this inclusively in this school are they right for me and are they capable of actually leaning into a healthy happy relationship. And yet most everybody is in the delusion that chemistry equals relationship success and they no wonder it's a clusterfuck out there. So what's the antidote to all this? Start with personal development, start with the inner work, start with dating yourself. So you can be in a position that whether you find a relationship or not you are so feeling empowered within yourself that it doesn't matter if a man or woman enters your life and what happens when you reach that tipping point when you feel so good about yourself that's usually when the magic happens. So that's my invitation for all of you. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Give me a thumbs up. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel if you're brand new to watching my content. All right, I think this will be a good place to start with our Q&A for the evening. Most of you know my format. If you have a question for me, write the word question and post the question thereafter or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. There's a little dollar sign in the chat box there. All of the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley who passed away four years ago and I donate to organizations like the Hoffman process and Insight seminars and if you're watching the repeat, you can just hit that button by the description and you can purchase a Super Thanks to invest. So again, if you have a question, write the word question, post the question thereafter. By the way, if you do notice, I have now different lighting and different. This is going to be my, I think my studio for a while. So I'd like to know what you all think about this as well. All right. Well, it looks like we have a questionnaire. Rachel says, I'm not sure what she says. What was the second part of this? Is the person right? If they're right for you and they have the emotional maturity to navigate the communication relationship skills, what I mean by right for you, are they compatible with your values in your lifestyle? And lastly, do they have the relationship skills to navigate the bumps that typically happen in a relationship? I wonder if my book is handy here. Where is Dr. Calvin's book? Well, I don't see it handy. There's a new, there's a, okay, so many of you know I've been watching binge watching something called Married at First Sight and there's a guy by the name of Dr. Calvin on there or Pastor Calvin, I should say. And I like him because his, one of his main principles is all centered around conflict resolution. In fact, in the book Eight Dates, it talks about the importance of knowing conflict resolution. So folks, listen, many of you invest weeks, months, years with a person who's incapable of being in a relationship. I'm here to establish, if you want to shift this narrative, coming back to this book Eight Dates, if you're having regular sex with a guy, I encourage you to be reading this book together. I have client, I get, matter of fact, I just got a message the other day from one of you beautiful ladies out there said, Jonathan, I'm following your advice by reading this book with somebody and at least establishes some level of, of communication and intimacy with one another. In fact, I have a client of mine who said her, her boyfriend loved the book so much that he bought a copy for his brother and use the questions she used in our coaching to teach his brother how to be better at this process. So I love it that some men are adopting my work. I wish more men were watching my channel so they can start making the shift as well. But for now, I'm starting with you ladies starts from the inside out. And this is because many of you have adopted the belief that men are the leaders of the relationship. And I'm here to say, you're giving the job to the wrong person, you are in charge of your relationship destiny, not a guy. Okay, let's see what other questions we have here. Coco writes question, what's your advice for when a man feels like he's not doing enough, aka with his life and everything. I tell him he's done enough, but he doesn't believe me. Well, first off, it's not your job, I believe to tell if a man is feeling insecure in his life, then the only person that can cure him is himself. I don't think it's your job to tell him that he's enough. Certainly in the context of a relationship, are you feeling, are you feeling loved by each other? Are you feeling nurtured? I think it's important to communicate those feelings with each other. But if he's not feeling enough in his life, you certainly can be a cheerleader. But ultimately, it's incumbent upon him to find the strength within himself. Because if he starts going down the rabbit hole of depression and despair, you know, that's a challenging one. So I would say if he's got struggles in his life, he certainly should start working with a coach, start working with a counselor, start working with a therapist, somebody that would be my recommendation that he finds, we all need a confidant in our lives. We all need someone to be our cheerleader. But our mate shouldn't be our primary, our mate should just be a cheerleader and not necessarily our full confidant, unless the two of you have developed those deep roots of trust. I talk about this in my private coaching, how to build those deep levels of trust with one another. Until that's established, my recommendation, tell them to talk to a therapist or at least go to a coach. I can tell you, I was in deep depression at one point in my life. And if it wasn't for the beautiful coaches in my life, I don't think I'd be here today helping people find who they are. But I had to do it for myself. And that's my invitation for you. Coco, thank you so much. Hey, I want to thank Samantha for the $3 Super Sticker. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Connor Asley's scholarship pun. Bond says, yes, this is resonating. I wish all men were like you. Our lives would be so much easier. Our relationship would be so much amazing. Listen, folks, I'm not the only guy out there. I just happen to communicate this on a regular basis. That makes me unique. But there are good men out there. But at the same time, as I said before, ladies, you are in charge of your relationship, Destiny. Lead by example. Start sharing the work you've done with someone. And if he gravitates towards it, great. Because then you've got something better than to talk about instead of how's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day, because many people are doing surface level relationships and not going deeper in what's under the surface. So thank you so much for that question, Bond, or that comment. All right, Susan writes, question. So how do you deal with a man you see obviously detached from you? Call him. Talk about it. I'm in a long distance relationship. Well, listen, long distance relationships are problematic to begin with. One of the reasons being is to develop the deep roots of trust in a relationship. It probably takes spending on average three or four days and nights a week together, doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends. So men don't tend to bond over the telephone too much. Now they can trauma bond over the telephone, but not the deep. Listen, men who are desperate and lonely oftentimes choose long distance communication. They're not even long distance relationship. It's just long distance communication, because you've just replaced whatever therapist that he doesn't have in his life. I'm not saying always the case. And women do this as well. So this isn't one sided to men. So coming back to your question, not because I go off on my tangent, I would call him and talk to him about it. But ultimately, what's the point of being in a long distance relationship if you're not established a plan of taking the long distance to short distance? Many of you know some of you think I'm foolish, but there's my beautiful beloved right there. I hope to have her on these videos sooner rather than later with me. Before we got too deep with each other, we had a very deep conversation of how to take our distance where she lived in Chicago and I lived in Los Angeles, how we took the distance from long to short. That literally happened less than 30 days after we first met each other. That's number one. And then we put that plan in motion and we actually physically moved in with each other in less than five months. Yeah. Now I'm a big believer is you really don't get to know someone until you live with them. And I am very blessed that she puts up with me because I do have sometimes a neurotic side to me. I have an impatient side to me and she saw today this very facet. I am articulate about it. I'm aware of it. We talk about it. But my point is you really don't ever get to know someone until you live with them. And you know, interestingly enough, she shared something out that I don't want to throw under the bus, but she has her own picadillos, if you will. I call them picadillos. If you ever saw the movie Good Will Hunting, one of the lines that Robin Williams says about his wife who passed away is she knew all of his picadillos. The point is we all have idiosyncrasies about us. You really ultimately it's those idiosyncrasies that you actually begin to love because that is the fabric that builds the tapestry of two people to get to know someone. Now some people's idiosyncrasies might trigger someone and that might not be a good fit for them. I'm not talking about toxic things. I'm talking about we all have neurotic little things about us. But ultimately it's going to be hard to get to know a person if you're doing long distance. So my invitation for you is have a conversation and figure out how you're going to take your distance and move close together. That would be my invitation for you. Thank you Susan for your question. Okay. Neverly says thank you for empowering us ladies. It's really encouraging. Oh I'm grateful that you said that. Thank you so much. Gigi says most men are not emotionally available. They're either got divorced recently or broke up with someone just and by the way I can tell you as a man that was out there dating every every time you ladies say the men are the problem. There is men out there saying that you are the problem folks. Let's stop focusing on who's the problem and yes there are a lot of emotionally constipated men and believe me there is a lot of fucking dysfunctional women out there as well. It is not singular to a gender. So anyway by the way for those that get upset that I curse on occasion I mean really is it that big of a deal? Okay question. Is it too soon to have sex on the date number six? Thank you for your genuine advice and okay great question. Is it too okay let me go back to this. Is it too soon to have sex on date number six? Thank you for your genuine advice Jonathan. Okay here's my belief on when to have sex. You can have sex on the first date. You can have sex on the 10th date. You can have sex when you get married. When you should have sex is dependent upon you. I follow my acronym called CARES. C-A-R-E-S CARES. The C stands for don't have sex until you feel comfortable comfortable. The A stands for be aware of the consequence. Another if you attach to someone very easily then and they could keep in mind you can have sex with someone they might never call you back. So be aware of the consequences. R learn his real intention. This is why I teach my coaching practice so you can learn his real intentions. Schedule a call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. The E stands for exclusive. If you're going to have regular sex together that penis doesn't get to go inside the vagina until you've had that conversation of monogamy and exclusivity and lastly the S stands for safety. Whether you need to do an STD test, talk about it, wear a condom, be safe with one another. C-A-R-E-S CARES. That's my recommendation for when to have sex. It doesn't matter the when just remember the CARES. Okay Thank you so much for that question Vera. Oh Coco comes back. He says but he's against all that. So what do I do? You know ladies why do you okay? Here's my question for you Coco. Why do you want to be with a man who's against all that? Why do you want to be with him? Oh like but Jonathan he's so great. He's so wonderful. He's got the best cock in town. He makes me orgasm. He makes folks. Why do you want to be with men who don't want the same thing as you? Why? Why do you want that? Why do you keep choosing men that you say are great but they don't want the same things as you? Answer me that question. Thank you Coco. Okay simply sweet simple sweet soul says question. I go to a small church where the pastor is single and we've been seeing each other for several months now. Not dating although he has said he's attracted to me as more as to me as more than a friend. Simple sweet. Are you dating? Are you having sex with each other? If you're just spending time and by the way you didn't even ask a question. What is your question? What is your question? Because I don't see a question there. Okay anyway enough of that. Oh wait now here's something. What advice do you have? Okay there you go. Continue to be friends. Spend a lot of time together or ask him if he sees me in the. Well what do you want? Do you want something more romantic than have that conversation with him? Just have the ladies. Listen I've you know what coming back to the book why men love bitches. I got to tell you one of the things I love about my beloved is she's unafraid to speak her truth to me. I love people that can speak their truth. Now remember in my book chapter one speak your truth do it with kindness. Chapter nine is if it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. Folks stop being so fucking afraid to just ask. Just ask what's the wrong what's the worst thing that can happen if you ask and he says no yes you might have lost all this temporary, temporary engagement you have with him but ultimately do you want to be in a relationship where you spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends together teamwork building skills both in your professional and personal life intimacy both physical emotional intimacy that leads to moving in together or getting married. If that's what you want say yes that's what I want Jonathan I want that kind of relationship by the way if you need help schedule a discovery call with me check out the link below for a free call to see if working with the coach is right for you because you guys are going around in fucking circles spending time with people not even figuring out if they want a relationship with you stop dicking around excusing that male terminology there and take charge of your life. Okay I went off on a tangent like I typically do. Oh simply well just to keep going we spent a lot of time together working outside church going out to eat motorcycle rides still no kiss or hand holding but very good friends well sounds like you're his friend you like sounds like you're in the friend zone if you want something more kiss him just reach over and kiss him and then see what happens anyways that's my two cents on that one all right let's keep going Susan says thank you for your explanation you're very welcome Susan uh let's see if you have a oh Lily thank you for the $1.99 super sticker I really appreciate that um okay absolve 40 question how would I restart a decade marriage pattern where I'm his mother in white and triggered I want intimacy while he's afraid what types of inner work does a woman do listen check out the book the Hoffman process this is worth this is it's worth listen there's a billion-dollar lottery that comes out tomorrow spend your money spend your $20 purchasing this book because your chances of winning lottery are slim although I hope I do because we bought a ticket purchase this book read this book it will change your life it will change your life and then come back and see then come back and schedule a call with me all right Jennifer hello Jennifer question I met a guy who is positive he loves me wants to marry me I'm terrified it isn't real we haven't met in person do his job is it possible oh my god I'm sorry I gotta throw you under the bus Jennifer what is it about you ladies that fall in love with these fantasy relationships please tell me what is it this is a fantasy relationship if you if I'm any man who says you'll marry you who's never met you is a fucking lunatic okay he's either amped up on luster limerence or he's the tinder swindler okay folks a relationship is built over doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends together traveling teamwork building skills that you any idiot who says he marries you who's never met you I'm sorry he's probably stoned or he's uh delusional and if you're buying into it you're just as equally as delusional I'm sorry I'm really sorry I have to be a dick here and say it this way but when I read things like this and I read this habitually which makes me even more aggregated that this is happening so frequently so here's your question is it possible look at the lottery is possible what's your chances incredibly slim I'm sorry Jennifer but I'd like to give you a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug because I know you bought into the the fantasy you're in this fantasy thinking and it's gonna backfire on you most likely and I'm sorry about that so I'm sending you a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug simply sweet says thank you you're very welcome I will try to be brave please be brave Shannon says you helped me so much I'm 51 always attract narcissistic men I'm overly empathetic person with borderline love from Virginia well I'm glad I've helped you that's great to hear barley sd says or burly sd says can you do a video about conscious uncoupling where is my book conscious uncoupling folks if you're not burly sd if you're not familiar with the work of Catherine Woodward Thomas the five steps to living happily ever after conscious uncoupling is learning how to break up in a healthy way I want to actually confess something to you I'm on page 202 I believe uh where is it bear with me I thought it was on page 202 oh I'm somewhere in this maybe it's 102 I'm in this book somewhere my my girlfriend and I when I was in a relationship back in 2011 when we consciously uncoupled and made it public our public announcement made it in this book actually it made it into the news that night which was kind of funny but my point is yes folks read this book Catherine Woodward Thomas is an amazing human being she's a dear friend of mine in fact Catherine even wrote the uh the I don't know what that's called not a forward but she wrote a testimonial on my book right there you can see that Catherine Woodward Thomas she also wrote an amazing book called calling in the one so yes I could shoot a video on it but I recommend everybody reading this book so if you find yourself in a relationship that isn't going to go the distance this will better prepare you to end in a loving way so great thanks for bringing that up I really appreciate it all right oh Jennifer says we talk daily on video chat he made plans for us all the way through next year words words words words words words words words if you love me show me and what that means is physically spend time together it's not real until you physically spend time together words words words don't matter until you're actually physically doing stuff together Jennifer all right does everyone by the way folks send Jennifer some love because I feel like she's going to get hurt resolve says thank you so much resonating deeply uh Barley says I want the clip notes you know what the clip notes are read my book speak your truth deal with kindness and remember if it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing to the right person all right do we have any more questions uh Lily says I don't want to go on videos I don't want to go on dating sites because a few previous bad experiences would you not go to a great restaurant just because you had a bad waiter folks I met my beloved on a dating site some of my dearest friends have met on a dating site my best friend met his girlfriend right now on a dating site had dozens of friends of mine had met on a dating site so you can and by the way or do whatever works for you to meet eligible people whatever works for you do that it just happens to be that over 50 percent of all new relationships are happening through an online connection so um Erica sends Jennifer some love we're all sending you some love do we have any more questions if you have a question write the word question and post the question there after all right by the way folks I hope this is resonating with you because I recognize that look it it's becoming increasingly rare to meet someone that really aligns with your values your lifestyle and whatnot and emotional maturity I get that this is why I'm such a big proponent of individual empowerment for yourself first so you're not reliant upon a man for your happiness at the same time you might reach that tipping point when the who you feel so good about yourself that the right person will lean into your life all right Jennifer L writes um oh by the way before I take this question do you like my new setup please let me know if you like this new setup um I hope you do my sweetheart picked it out did a lot of this and I want to thank her if you can hear me sweetheart for doing all this work for me or doing this for me while I was on vacation I'm truly grateful um okay let's take Jennifer's question question do you think politics really matter when dating I think you've talked about this previously but I'm thinking it's tricky subject to talk about um folks I believe different ideologies matter in other words I highly doubt someone who loves Donald Trump and it would die on the sword for Donald Trump would really get along with someone who loves Bernie Sanders and would die on the sword of Bernie Sanders Hillary Clinton or AOC here in the United States that's because they have different ideologies in life okay I think when you're dealing with extremes it's it's much more challenging now with that said I will say that roughly 60 of the population is moderate when it comes to their politics in fact most people are center leaning one way or the other it probably doesn't matter it's the extremes you have to worry about that would be my recommendation for you to pay attention to those extremes okay Alan said Lena says I miss the view we will do some view videos as well it's just the hard part right now is the lighting is just terrible for that okay Maria says Jennifer I'm afraid Jonathan's right just be careful you don't get your hopes up I thank you for that I appreciate that all right Lily B says question what do you suggest know what do you suggest where to find a date I refuse to go back to online dating sites well let's see where men hang out Home Depot strip clubs the golf courses I'm just being facetious on the strip clubs you're gonna here's the bottom line folks if you're not doing online dating then you have to be in a place where you're seen by single eligible people the highest population of males who are single and eligible are on college campuses that's where the highest percentage of where they're all congregating all at once because the average 20-year-old isn't married the problem with those of us in our baby boom years our midlife is that no men aren't congregating in one place who are single and eligible this is why online dating was invented so you can actually have access to these people so I just have to go where the single eligible men are they just have by the way I used to live in a condo complex with 600 units there might have been for all I know 100 single eligible women in that complex never knew their names didn't know them okay people could be literally around the corner from you you don't know they exist the problem is we don't physically congregate like we did in college in one central location that's why these apps were invented they're a pain in the ass and this is why you need coaching so you can be better at betting so you're not wasting time with the wrong person but otherwise go to Home Depot strip clubs or golf courses that's where most men are congregating doesn't mean that they're healthy men doesn't mean that they're single men it's just a lot of guys hang out there all right uh by the way if you I'm gonna end if you have a personal question to ask me I'm gonna take one personal question write the word personal question and then if you have any question to ask of me I'll take a question before we wrap up for the evening list says I know someone who met her husband at the Home Depot line airports also another place where a lot of people congregate but they usually have to go very quickly so let's see what else we have um let's see sporting events yes that's another place where men congregate okay this will be our last question the evening question I just purchased your book what the heck is self love anyway and can't wait to listen to it I've been trying to walk away from a loveless marriage but the last five years he's been divorced um right he's been in four different accidents and every time he needed my help to get him back on his feet is terrible to leave him while he's recovering is it terrible to leave him while he's recovering in his accident wait a minute wait I've been wait a minute I've been I gotta read this again I just purchased your book I can't wait to I've been trying to walk away from a loveless marriage but the last five years he's been okay you confuse me are you married to someone is he in a loveless marriage I'm confused on that one all right that one I don't get all right here's a personal question question are you more talkative or is your girlfriend more talkative because I know Gemini's usually are very talkative people who do still do still have her do you still have her feet she just said you're talking about me well she did imply today that she does have diary of the mouth um she's gonna kill me for saying that um so she happens to be she happens to be a storyteller so she tells she talks in stories I happen to be more the emotional communicator in the relationship but I I actually love her stories she just tells she she you know what I love being with somebody who just loves being with me I really do I just love being with someone who loves being with me and and she probably is more of the talkative one at the same time um I never get tired I really don't she's just this beautiful human being when you find someone who touches you right here in your soul you know it's not about how much they talk it's about connecting when you talk and I'm so grateful that we have a lot of connection time and we also find the most we find we find the mundane the so we we love the mundane we really do we are content in the mundane so anyway she's going to kill me later so um I'm hoping I'm gonna be off of her from that one anyways we'll take another personal question here in which ways does your girlfriend nurture her inner world wait um you know I'm grateful that she's done a lot of personal development work she's done something called um oh my god it just escapes me what she did life spring along with uh she did this divorce recovery program called the naked divorce everyone I highly google the following the naked divorce someone write that in the chat box for me the naked divorce I highly recommend doing some level of personal development work like that to better prepare you to be in a relationship so someone please write that in the chat box the naked divorce all right let's see what we've got some more questions here um let's see you guys are cute right I'm gonna write the naked divorce the naked divorce right here okay oh someone else did all right folks you know what this will be a great place to wrap up today I am so grateful for all of you that that follow my work who told me that it's made a difference in their lives I am so beyond grateful for all of that I hope I have made a difference in your life if I have please hit that like button please share this video if you're brand new my channel please subscribe to my channel um and if you'd like some help in your life check out the description below for the schedule of discovery call with me to get a copy of my book to follow me on Instagram or join my membership group that's all in the description below well I think this will be a great place to wrap up this video I hope you found out and if you did I'm going to send you off with a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm actually to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it we can all use more love in our lives I want to thank Elena who says I hope you and your beloved have a wonderful evening thank you Viola Violetta thank you Rachel thank you Burley thank you um absolve 40 neverly Kim everyone Mary Ann uh I can't even pronounce your name Liz Cacisi everyone thank you so much wishing you a super duper wonderful evening thanks so much bye bye now