 Hey Psych2Go family, before we begin, we'd like to give a big thank you for all the support that you've given us. Our mission is to make psychology and mental health more accessible to everyone. Let's continue. Have you ever wondered if you might be in a controlling relationship? Are you worried if you or your partner is too controlling over the other? Non-relationship is perfect. Relationships have highs and lows, and you're allowed to have disagreements. But, there are some relationships that are too toxic and unhealthy to stay in. Having a controlling relationship with a partner is a form of emotional abuse, and it can have far-reaching effects on your life. With that said, here are 8 things controlling partners do. 1. They guilt you. Does your partner use guilt to coerce you into doing what they want? They blame you for small things that have very little consequence. Utilizing guilt is a common form of emotional manipulation. It can make you believe that their controlling behavior is due to something you did. For example, they may shame you merely for speaking to another coworker or a friend or spending extra time at work rather than with them. 2. They want to isolate you. Does your partner frequently complain about your loved ones, or try to turn you against them? Isolation is another tactic used for gaining control and power in this type of unhealthy relationship. According to psychologist Andrea Bonnoir from Psychology Today, it's common for this attempted isolation to begin more subtly, but then pick up in intensity as time goes on with more object comments and criticisms of your loved ones. 3. They frequently criticize you. When someone criticizes you, do you notice your confidence break? Just a little? Even if it's short-lived, criticism is powerful because it takes a hit on your self-esteem. Over time, frequent, unnecessary criticism from your partner can make you feel worthless or like a failure. Keep in mind that these criticisms don't always have to be necessarily deep. It can be as superficial as your appearance, the shows you enjoy watching or your hobbies. They frequently take little jabs at you in order to tear you down and force you to become the person they want you to be. 4. They're superficially charming. Why are controlling relationships so hard to recognize and so hard to leave? It's because controlling partners know how to charm you. It's another tactical form of manipulation that disguises itself easily as love, care, and affection to lure you in and keep you close. For example, a controlling partner might periodically buy you fancy gifts, shower you with attention, or exude a zealous amount of passion into the relationship. 5. There are cycles in the relationship. Are cyclical periods of ups and downs in your relationship? After an abusive incident, there is something that happens called the honeymoon period, where things seem promising. This honeymoon period can come with big apologies, gifts, and attention. It's important to remember to take a step back and see all the gestures for what they really are, a phase in the cycle of control. The controlling partner rotates between these phases in order to soften the impact of each abusive event, distract you from it, and get you back into their good graces. 6. They threaten you. Does your partner threaten you with violence or ultimatums? According to psychologist Andrea Bonoir, the overarching purpose of making threats is for the controlling partner to pressure you to comply with them. They use fear as the ultimate tool for control. These threats can range from I'll break up with you if you talk to him again to if you leave me, I'll hurt myself. 7. Their love has conditions. Oftentimes, a controlling partner will increase the intensity of their love based on things like compliance or material accomplishments. Your partner might say, you'd be hot only if you spent time on your hair, in order to place a certain value on their love for you. And 8. They try to brainwash you. Your values, ideas, and beliefs shape so much of who you are and give you a strong sense of individuality. However, in a controlling relationship, the controlling partner will try to undermine or discredit your beliefs in order to impose theirs on you. They might make you feel like your beliefs are wrong or faulty, causing doubt and ill-confidence, making you less sure of who you are. Lowering your self-esteem is a way for them to come in and force their own values and beliefs onto you. Do you recognize any of these signs in your relationship? Let us know in the comments below. If you think you need help, please don't hesitate to reach out to someone you can trust. If you found this video helpful, give us a thumbs up and share it with someone who might benefit from it too. Don't forget to subscribe and hit the notification bell icon for more Psych2Go content. The references and studies used are added in the description below. Thanks for watching and we'll see you next time.