 Palm olive soap, your beauty hope, and luster cream shampoo for soft, glamorous, caressible hair bring you Our Miss Brooks starring Eve Arden. Not very many of us like to get up early in the morning, but Our Miss Brooks, who teaches English at Madison High School, doesn't seem to mind at all. No, in fact, I get quite a kick out of waking up in the morning because it offers proof positive that I managed to live through the day before. However, last Wednesday my landlady, Mrs. Davis, woke me at what seemed like an excessively early hour. Connie, get up, Connie. Why? Because it's 6 a.m. and I'm leaving the house early and there are several things I want you to do for me. Like what, for instance? Like feeding our cat Minerva at five minutes after seven. But why don't you feed her now? Why, Connie, you ought to know better than that. Minerva never gets up until seven. I'm sorry, I lost my head. That cat certainly doesn't lead a dog's life. But why are you leaving the house so early, Mrs. Davis? I've got to visit my sister Angela. I received a message from her during the night. Oh, I hope nothing's wrong. No, she's quite well, she said. She just wants to see me. She must have called pretty late. I didn't hear the phone ring at all. Oh, she didn't phone, Connie. Was it a wire? No. Special delivery letter? No. Walkie talkie? Pigeon? Before I use up my 20 questions, how did you hear from your sister? Well, you know how absent-minded Angela is. Yes. And you probably have noticed it, but lately I've been growing quite absent-minded, too. I've noticed it. Last night I finally arrived to the point where Angela and I were tuned to the same wavelength. She reached me by mental telepathy. How did she come over, AM or FM? You can joke if you like, but I know just as surely as I'm standing here that Angela wants to see me immediately. So I'll have to leave right after breakfast. All right, Mrs. Davis. It'll do you good to get out of the house for a change anyway. Now, what did you want me to do for you? Do for me. Yes. You said when you woke me that there were several things you wanted me to do? I did. Yes. In connection with your leaving the house this morning? But I didn't leave the house this morning. I know, but you're going to. I am. I must be tuned in on the wrong wavelength. I'll see you at breakfast, Mrs. Davis. How did you like your breakfast, Connie? Fine, Mrs. Davis. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll get ready to go to school. Mr. Boynton's picking me up. Oh, good. Well, I'll finish these dishes before I go, Connie. Oh, I'll get it. Coming. Well, if it isn't our school custodian, Mr. Jensen. If it isn't your school custodian, Mr. Jensen, then what? What? When you opened the door, you said, well, if it isn't our school custodian, Mr. Jensen. Mm-hmm. Then I said, if it isn't your school custodian, Mr. Jensen, then what? Catching people saying things that don't take any real meaning is a hobby of mine. Oh, that's very cute, Mr. Jensen. Won't you come in? Oh, thank you, Ms. Brooks. Oh, that's better. What's better? Look, Mr. Jensen. Look at what? I don't mean look. I mean listen. I'm in kind of a hurry. What kind? To leave the house and get to school. Therefore, your hobby doesn't have the charm for me. It might have at some other time. I guess you've got me there. Where? Oh, great. Never mind, Mr. Jensen. What can I do for you? Well, you can open up the school this morning, if you will, Ms. Brooks. I talked to Mr. Conklin on the phone, and he said to give you the key. Here it is. It's this fat little devil with the blue ribbon on it. Oh, I thought that was your tie. Oh, I mean the key to the school. But why don't you open up as usual? Oh, because I have another stop to make before I go to school. It might cause me to be tardy. Another stop? Yes, the maternity hospital. My wife is going to have a baby. Why, Mr. Jensen? I don't know. Just because, I guess. It's our sixth child, Ms. Brooks. Honestly, Mr. Jensen? Well, I didn't steal them, if that's what you mean. Well, I'd better be getting along now. My wife will be expecting me. She's sort of used to having me around. I imagine she is, Mr. Jensen. Please accept my heartiest best wishes for both of you. Oh, thank you, Ms. Brooks. May I remind you to be prompt in opening the school? I wouldn't want Mr. Conklin and the students to be kept waiting. Oh, they won't be, Mr. Jensen. And be sure and let me know whether your wife has a boy or a girl. I will, Ms. Brooks. Good day, Mr. Jensen. Yes, it is, isn't it? I'll just put this key on the hall table here so I don't forget it. Yes, Mrs. Davis. I'm all finished with the dishes, and I'd like to leave immediately. Now, Connie, when you make Wake Minerva, be sure to wake her gently. She's been quite sensitive about noise ever since she fell into my new speed queen washing machine. I don't know why. It did a very good job on her. But I'll be careful not to upset her, Mrs. Davis. Oh, here's Minerva now. Good morning, dear. How did you sleep? Meow, meow. I'm glad. Well, I'll be running along now. You'll give Minerva her milk, won't you, Connie? Oh, certainly, Mrs. Davis. Remember me to your sister Angela, if you remember. I will, dear. Put a little cream in with the milk. She likes it that way. All right, Mrs. Davis, that is if we have any cream. Here we are. No, no cream left. She'll have to drink it black. I'll just pour the milk into this dish. There you are, Minerva. There isn't any cream left, Minerva. Meow. We'll have cream for you tomorrow. Meow. Drink that milk or I'll turn on the washing machine. Oh, come in, Mr. Boyden. Oh, thanks, Mrs. Davis. You're leaving the house so early? Yes. Let's see if I've got everything. My purse, my hat, my shoes, and... Oh, yes. Now I'm all set. You'll find Miss Brooks in the kitchen, Mr. Boyden. I'm going over to see my sister Angela. Oh, say hello for me. Hello. I mean to your sister, Mrs. Davis. Oh, thank you, Mr. Boyden. Thank you, Mr. Boyden. Goodbye. Hello, Mr. Boyden. Would you like a cup of coffee? Oh, yes. Thanks. Will you join me? I'd love to. I ran into Mr. Jensen down the block. Cream? Yes, please. He told me his wife was going to have a baby. I think large families are wonderful. When I meet the right man, if I haven't already met him, I want to get married and have several children of my own. Sugar? Yes, Mr. Boyden. I mean, yes. Oh, say, look at the clock. We'd better hurry with this coffee. Oh, you're so right, Mr. Boyden. And before we go, I'd better unlock the back door. Mrs. Davis invariably forgets her key. Oh, she didn't forget it this time. When she was leaving, I noticed she took a little fat one off the hall table. She took the little fat... Mr. Boyden, that was the key to the school. Mr. Jensen asked me to open up this morning. Oh, no, Miss Brooks. Oh, yes, Mr. Boyden. Mr. Coughlin and all the students will be arriving at school and nobody will be able to get in. Mr. Coughlin will be furious at you. Don't remind me. I can see the sparks flashing from his tongue already. Gee, I'm quite a spot, aren't I? Aren't I? That shows how upset I am, Mr. Boyden. An English teacher should never be guilty of saying aren't I? But, Miss Brooks, what about school? Suppose we hurry over and explain... Art is merely the contraction of are not. Therefore, one who says aren't I is guilty of saying are not I. Miss Brooks, am I not? Aren't I being nothing more than an absurd and altogether ungrammatical affectation? Miss Brooks, what about school? I ain't going. E. Varden will continue in just a moment, but first, here is Vern Smith. Here's wonderful news, ladies. Wonderful, wonderful news. Now there's something thrillingly new in Pamaleve's so-famous beauty lather. Yes, something thrillingly new. 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Well, I finally decided to face the music even though I knew that the music would consist of some angry pear-shaped tones emanating from Mr. Conklin's pear-shaped head. By the time Mr. Boynton dropped me off there were so many students milling around dear old Madison High that it looked like a training school for young pickets. I found Mr. Conklin pacing up and down outside his office windows. Ah, there you are, Ms. Brooks. Good morning, Mr. Conklin. It's about time. Now then, if you'll give me the key. The key? Yes, the key. Let me have it. I'll let you have it as quickly as possible. There is no key. No key? But Mr. Gentleman's supposed to be... He did. But then I put it on a table in the hall and Mrs. Davis took it with her to her sister Angela's. It wasn't really my fault, Mr. Conklin. I don't care whose fault it was. We've got to get into this school and quickly. Mr. Brooks, the Board of Education is presenting Madison High with a plaque today. A plaque? For what, Mr. Conklin? It's an award for the best attendance record of any high school in the county. Really? Oh, that's wonderful. Congratulations, Mr. Conklin. Thank you, Ms. Brooks, but I'd rather receive your felicitations inside my office instead of out here. That's your phone, isn't it, Mr. Conklin? Yes. Yes, it is. But thanks to your far-sighted suggestion after those two boxes of chalk disappeared, ours is the only school with a double lock on the front door and bars on all the windows. I can't get in to answer it. Well, maybe it isn't important, Mr. Conklin. I think I know who's calling, Mr. Brooks. It's the Board of Education. They want to know when I'm going to hold an assembly. An assembly? Yes, Mr. Conklin. I think I know who's calling, Mr. Brooks. It's the Board of Education. An assembly? Yes, Mr. Brooks. They want to give us a plaque for perfect attendance and nobody's in school to answer the phone. Please, Mr. Conklin, try to be calm. We'll think of something. Maybe I could call Mrs. Davis when she gets to her sisters. No, Angela has no phone. I know, I'll go out to her house. You'll do no such thing, Mr. Brooks. We'll need every teacher we've got to set up classes on the athletic field. Hello, Daddy. Mr. Brooks. Hello. Now, that's an excellent suggestion, Harriet. Mrs. Brooks hasn't got the key. Wait a minute. You drive, don't you, Harriet? Well, certainly, Mrs. Brooks. Can I go somewhere for you? You will stay right here, Harriet. There must be someone else you can send, Mrs. Brooks. How about my dream boat, Walter Denton? Dream boat? He's an idiot. He's a wonderful driver. He'll pick up the key wherever it is but nothing flat. Nothing but his head, that is. Well, maybe that's a good idea. Mrs. Brooks, get Denton to drive out to wherever Mrs. Davis is. At least his brain is expendable. All right, Mr. Compton. I'll look for Walter and ask him to go after the key. You won't have to look for him, Mrs. Brooks. Walter's coming over right now. Well, if it isn't my light of love, I'll advise you, Mrs. Brooks, and to you, esteemed principal, felicitations. Mr. Conklin, catch your rancid wheat cake at breakfast? Mr. Conklin's not in a very good mood this morning, Walter. You see, today's the day the Board of Education is supposed to award Madison the plaque for its fine attendance record. Well, what's bad about that? Let's get into the Jolly Institution and snag that little beauty. I'd love to, Walter. Maybe we could melt you down and pour you through the bar. Now, I'm going to inform the other teachers of our dilemma, Mrs. Brooks. Please get expendable here on his way. Come with me, Harriet. Yes, Daddy. Bye, Walter. Is you a lovely one and lovely one's father? Yes! This is when I sense an animosity in that man. Now, what do you suppose could cause such a reaction? Hatred for one thing. Now, please listen carefully, Walter. You know Mrs. Davis' sister, Angela, don't you? Oh, sure, Mrs. Brooks. I gave Mrs. Davis a ride out there last week. Good. Do you remember where she lives? On the other side of town. I didn't notice the address. But I think I could find it. There was a mailbox on the corner. A mailbox? Isn't there anything else that would help you identify it? Well, nothing outstanding. What color was the house? I don't remember the background color, but the stripes were purple. I guess I could find it all right, Mrs. Brooks. But I wish you'd tell me what this is all about. Well, it's about the key to the school, Walter. Mrs. Davis walked off with it this morning for you to go and get it back. Now, just ask her for the little fat key on a blue ribbon. Your wish is my command, Mrs. Brooks. My eager jalopy is championing at the curb. What kind of a car is that, anyway, Walter? Oh, it has no name, Mrs. Brooks. Just a slogan. A slogan? Yeah. You know how they call a new Hudson the car you stepped down into? Yes. Well, this is the box you back away from. Well, Mrs. Brooks, it's over an hour since Denton left, and he's still not back with that key. It will be much longer, Mr. Conklin. Here goes that phone again. I wish Mr. Stone would stop calling my office. I know one way to stop him, Mr. Conklin. We can go to the malt shop next door and call him. That way you can stall him off till Walter gets back with the key. Oh, that's not a bad idea. Better than standing around listening to that phone. Come on, Mrs. Brooks. Well, here we are, Mr. Conklin. Martin's malt shop. Madison's unofficial annex. After you, Mrs. Brooks. Well, if it is a Mrs. Brooks. Martin? Sneak away from the ogre for a little fizz water? No. The ogre is along today. Sorry, Mr. Conklin. Just a little nickname I picked up from the kids. Why, I'm surprised at you, Martin. Nobody at Madison calls Mr. Conklin by anything but his right name. Well, I'm happy to know that, Mrs. Brooks. Oh, here's the phone booth right over here, pear shape. Uh, Mr. Conklin. File the board of education for you. School days, school days, dear old golden rule. Board of education, Mr. Stone speaking. Uh, Mr. Conklin calling you, Mr. Stone, one moment, please. Here you are, Mr. Conklin. Thank you. Hello, Mr. Stone. Is that you, Conklin? Yes, it is, Mr. Stone. I might as well have a coke while I'm waiting. Well, it's about time. I was beginning to think that Madison High School had slid into the sea. Well, I had to step out of my office for a minute, Mr. Stone, but I'm back in it now. Yes, sir. What's that? What's what? How's good? Are you hissing me? No, sir. No, we must have a bad connection. It's a terrible connection. You said you were in your office. Yes, sir. I'll call you right back. But, Mr. Stone. And for heaven's sakes, don't disappear again. Goodbye. Wait, Mr. Stone. Wait. Wait. This is the last straw. What did he say, Mr. Conklin? He said he's going to call me right back. Now I'm in deeper than ever. Oh, we'll figure some way out of this. After all, Mr. Stone is only a human being. A human being who happens to be the head of our local board of education. Oh, this is awful. The telephone in your office is ringing. The telephone in your office is ringing. What do you suggest, Harriet? Well, I don't know, Daddy, but don't worry. I'm sure Walder won't fail us. He'd better not. I'm going over to inspect the classes that have been set up on the athletic field. I want you to call the board and talk to Mr. Stone. Me? But what should I tell him? Improvise. Oh, but Mr. Conklin... Call him off, Miss Brooks. I'm counting on you. Oh, great. Well, I might as well get it over with. What are you going to tell Mr. Stone, Miss Brooks? I don't know yet, Harriet. I'll wait till he answers. Hello, Mr. Stone speaking. Hello, Mr. Stone. This is Miss Brooks at Madison High. Yes. I'm calling for Mr. Conklin's office, Mr. Stone. He asked me to call you. Give me a double strawberry temptation. Oh, he did. What about, Miss Brooks? About his not being able to talk to you for a while. What in the world is that sound? Oh, that's the radiator, Mr. Stone. It's defective. Radiator? In tune? Well, they're just testing it. As a matter of fact, that's why Mr. Conklin can't talk to you. One of our students was just in his office and this jet of hot water started out of the radiator, and Mr. Conklin jumped in front of the boy to save him and accidentally knocked out six of the boy's teeth. Oh, it was, Mr. Stone. But Mr. Conklin doesn't want to leave the boy's side. He's on the couch across the room. He's giving him a transfusion. I tell you, he also cut his foot. He's in a bad way, Mr. Stone, but we're hoping for the best. A malted milk machine? Else on this line, Mr. Stone, I... Brooks, don't bother. I don't quite know what's going on at Madison today, but I'm going to find out. You tell Mr. Conklin that I'll call him in exactly 10 minutes. If he isn't at the phone, prepare to carry on a rational conversation at that time. Well, he'd better be. But Mr. Stone... Goodbye, Mr. Brooks. Goodbye. And goodbye, Mr. Conklin. Well? Well, nothing. It's worse than ever. Mr. Stone's going to call again in 10 minutes. Wait a minute, Harriet. I think I've got an idea. What is it, Ms. Brooks? First, I'll get Marty to hang an out-of-order sign on his phone booth, and then I'll call Mr. Conklin's office in 5 minutes and leave the receiver off the hook on this end. Well, what'll that do? Well, that will ensure Mr. Stone's receiving a busy signal when he calls in 10 minutes. And that's what he'll continue to receive until Walter returns with the key. Ms. Brooks, you're a positive genius. Please, Harriet, don't exaggerate. I'm not a bit positive. I'm sure Walter will be back any minute. Oh, that dentin! Instead of sending him for the key, I should have sent some other idiot. I should have gone myself. He's nothing but an unreliable laggard, a detestable, nauseating, blundering knucklehead. Excuse me, Mr. Conklin. Here's the key. Bless you, boy. Well, don't stand there, Denton. Open the door. Yes, sir. Out of the way, out of the way. Now to get that phone. It must be Mr. Stone. Well, I'll just give him a piece of my mind and hound me all day. Hello? How's good Conklin speaking? Hello? Hello? Hello? They gave up. There's no dial tone. Some lame brain must have called this number and left the receiver off the hook. Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Mr. Conklin, sir, I found this telegram under your door. Telegram? Let me see that. Well, it's for Mr. Stone. It says, Dear Osgood, realizing the futility of trying to reach you by telephone, I hereby inform you that the Board of Education has authorized you to suspend classes for the remainder of the school day in recognition of Madison's splendid attendance record. Gosh, Mr. Conklin, does that mean there's no more school today? Evidently, Walter. Now, please go out to the athletic field and inform the teachers and students of my decision to give them the rest of the day off. Yes, sir. Oh, before I go, let me see. I left it in the door. Just leave it there. I've got a little work to clean up. I can get it on my way home. Let's make the most of our afternoon off, Miss Brooks. I'd like to do something really exciting today if you're game. Game? Miss Brooks, I'd like to take you to the zoo. I'm afraid that's a little too gamey for me, Mr. Conklin. I'd much rather go to a movie. Say, we must be the last two people on the grounds. I feel like... Oh, excuse me a minute. What's wrong, Miss Brooks? I just noticed the front door. Walter left the key in it. You know, the extra lock was my idea. Yes, I know. Mr. Conklin's been so worried about this key all day, I'm not going to take any chances. What are you going to do, Miss Brooks? I'm going to lock up the school and mail this key to Mr. Conklin. It returns in just a moment, but first, dream girl, dream girl, beautiful, luster cream girl. Tonight, show him how much lovelier your hair can look after a luster cream shampoo. Only luster cream brings you K. Dumas magic formula blend of secret ingredients plus gentle aniline. Gives loveliness lather even in hardest water. Glamorizes your hair as you wash it. Luster cream. Not a soap, not a liquid, but a dainty cream shampoo. Leaves hair fragrantly clean. Free of loose dandruff. Blissening with sheen. Soft, manageable. Gives new beauty to all hairdos or permanence. Four ounce jar, one dollar. Smaller sizes, either tubes or jars. Tonight, try luster cream shampoo. And be a... Dream girl, dream girl, beautiful, luster cream girl. You owe your crowning glory to you. A luster cream shampoo. And now, once again, here is our Miss Brooks. Well, after I mailed the key, Mr. Boynton took me to the zoo. Then we had a nice Dutch dinner. Saw a very exciting movie and wound up at Marty's malt shop. Give us a couple of malters, Marty. Coming right up, folks. That certainly was a terrifying picture. Especially when Lucy starts to hear the voices. Oh, I don't know. Lots of manic depressives wind up like that. Hello. Hello. Hello. Big pardon, Mr. Boynton. I didn't say anything. I guess it's the effect of that movie. Now, wait a minute. I'm not that far gone. It's coming from the phone booth. I better see what that is. Well, that's funny. The receiver is still off the hook. Hello? Yes. Mr. Conklin? Trying to reach me, Mr. Conklin? I have indeed. Oh, if it's about the school, Mr. Conklin, you don't have a thing to worry about. I locked it securely before I left the campus. Nobody can possibly get in. That's the key. Oh, Mr. Boynton, do you think you would lift me up? Of course, Miss Brooks. Good. Let's get down to the corner. I want you to slip me into the mailbox. Please, tune into another Our Miss Brooks Show brought to you by Tom Arisope, Your Beauty Hope, and Bluster Creen Campeau for soft, glamorous, caressible hair. Our Miss Brooks, starring Eve Arden, is produced by Larry Burns, written and directed by Al Lewis, by Wilbur Hatch. Men, do you shave with a lather or brushless shave cream? Palm olive shaving cream comes both ways. And whichever way you prefer to shave, you'll find that using either palm olive brushless or palm olive lather shaving cream can bring you more comfortable, actually smoother, shaves. Here's the proof. 2,548 men tried the new palm olive way to shave, described on the tube. And no matter how they had shaved before, 3 out of every 4 got more comfortable, actually smoother shaves. Get palm olive brushless or palm olive lather shaving cream today. For mystery liberally sprinkled with laughs, listen to Mr. and Mrs. North, the exciting, fun-packed adventures of an amateur detective and his beautiful wife. Tune in Tuesday evening over most of these same stations. And be with us again next week at this same time for another comedy episode of Our Miss Brooks, Bob LeMond speaking. Stay tuned now for Life with Luigi, which follows over most of these stations. This is CVS, the Columbia Broadcast Series...