 Oh, welcome to Sister or Sister. It is going to be great. Listen to this question. My husband is expecting too much from me. What should I do? Wow, how about this? Should relationships be 50-50? Should I take his last name when I get married? Oh, I did. Did you? You? Yeah, I kind of mixed it up a little bit. Oh my gosh, wait and see what all the sisters say. Hello and welcome to Sister to Sister. We are so glad that you're watching today. We are five women of God. And you're going to hear our opinions right from our heart and mostly from the Word of God. And you sent these questions to us, so here we go. They're good. They're really good. Someone wrote to me. Well, not to me, but to us. My husband is expecting too much from me. And I don't know how to tell him. I just can't do it anymore. So I'm not sure what the husband's expecting, Corey. Well, first of all, let me give you a little saying you can say, I can't do it. I can't do it anymore. Practice with me. OK, I recently saw something else. Let me give another perspective. It said, I'm so tired of worrying about everything for everyone every second of the day. But I'm also worried that nobody will worry as good as I do about all of the things that need worrying about. So is he expecting too much from you? You just not willing to give up some of those things because he can't do it as good as you can. I think that we need to take a look at that. But remember, he can't read your mind. You need to speak up. I had this situation in my home. And I do not blame my husband whatsoever because it was me thinking I had to do everything. I could do it better. And when I spoke up, he stepped in. So I do think we need to speak up. When we're feeling overwhelmed, let's talk about it. I'm not saying every husband is going to just step in and be like, hey, I'll do it. But let's communicate. I like that. What do you have, Aimee? Well, that is like my life. He expects a lot out of me. I expect a lot out of him. We expect a lot out of our kids. We expect a lot out of our. I mean, there really are a lot of great expectations. And I don't think it's a bad thing when somebody has great expectations of you. They see something. They believe something. They need help with something big. So I think you have to know your pace and your grace. So that's what I've learned is that there is a grace for us to do certain things. And when there's not a grace, you're doing it in your own works. And it's draining. It's exhausting. There's also a pace. And my husband's pace is full bore all the time. All the people all the time. My pace is different. I have to have a lone time. I have to have quiet time. Or I cannot function like that. Anybody else, does your husband expect? I like that he expects things. That's Aimee does too. I mean, not the clothes, the dishes, the food. All right, he can have that. But I like the fact that it's encouraging to me. Look, I could be a career woman. I could be a mom. I could be a daughter. So when those great good expectations are on us, it inspires us to want to do those things. But when they get to be such a burden that we can't arrange our lives so that we have peace in the home, then we have to take account. And you know, I'm a lawyer. You look at the facts. The facts cannot lie. What are you doing in the day? How many hours do you have in the day? What are you called to do in the day? And if you present it like that, if you're weary, present the facts to him or her, whoever's expecting too much, and say, okay, where am I gonna fit this in? You show me. That's the question. Right. You show me where I'm gonna fit that in. Well, this next question is pretty similar. And it's, should relationships be 50-50? I would normally say they should be 100 and 100. Like, come 100%, you view 100%, because 50 to me seems divided. But practically, mathematically, 50-50 equals 100%, right? So I heard this lady, Bernay Brown, talking about this factor of, she said, I'm taking care of my mom. I have a ton of work. The dishes aren't done. I walk into the house and she says, listen, I've got about 20 today. And he says, you know what? I've got your back. I've got about 40 today. So it's like, when one is hurting or down, the other one lifts up. But if we're both at 10, then we need to have some big discussions of, you know, what do we need to do? Maybe we should not talk because we're gonna be very angry or mean or rude or blow the marriage up. So it's like, it's kind of identifying where are you at today? Not that every day you wanna just be all feely, you know? But it is practical that you go through seasons. You don't feel well. You just don't feel like yourself. And there's a lot on your mind and you're hurt. And it's like, listen, I don't feel 50 today. But I think that's what relationships are. Give and take. You can't just take, take, take. And you can't just give, give, give. What do you think Flo, 50-50? I mean, I don't think that I can do any better than what she just said. You give your best. And if my best today is 30% and he's gonna come with the 70 to make that 100, then that's great. So I have. I like that, okay, good. Quark, 50-50. But I also think that you cannot go, like if you're talking to like a newlywed or an engaged couple, you cannot go into marriage thinking like, okay, we're each gonna give 50. It's a 50-50 thing. Like you have to go into marriage thinking, I'm giving fully of myself. I am giving 100% of myself. And that's not gonna look like 100% every day, but you have to be willing to fully give in. Because the way averages work, let's talk about math, is that 100 plus 100 divided by two is 100, okay? It's not 100 plus 100 is 200, okay? That's how math works. So you have to go in fully given yourself. And when two people fully give of themselves, they fully receive of themselves. You know, Colossians three says, whatever we do, we do unto the Lord. So if the spouse is not giving the 100%, we are still required to be accountable to God. We are co-equal heirs. In Christ, we receive an inheritance from him, but also he gives us responsibilities here that we work unto him and we glorify him in whatever we do. Well, I have you. This is a really good question. I'm gonna go to you on this one. I do like this question. Somebody wrote to us, thank you. It says I'm engaged, congrats. My husband assumed I would take his last name once married. I planned on keeping my maiden name. Now he's hurt. Do I have to take my husband's name? Well, I can understand that he would assume it because that's traditional. But I'm gonna give him one word, pride. What? Yes, pride. What? Yes, why, what does it matter to him if she has his last name? Is your last name so important that she has to have it? Now with me, when I was working, my boss said, you've been single, your community knows you can, you hold on to your maiden name. I said, oh yeah, my parents paid for college and school. I think they would be proud of that. So there are other reasons. It wasn't just I don't like your name or I don't want your name. Some men take on the female's name. So let's not get tied up so much in the culture and tradition that we can't sometimes go with our wife on what she likes. Oh my goodness. Oh my, Cory, Cory. There actually is a solid logical reason why the men surname was taken on. And that is because the maternal, parentage was not questioned because the mom has the baby. And so the paternal parentage was known because their surname was taken on. And so that's how that tradition was passed along. And so that's how we move along with the tradition of the father's surname being passed along. So I mean, it definitely should be. How old and with the new. I don't know. I mean, I think it needs to be a discussion though. We are in a new culture and I do think it should be something you agree on before you get married, because it can be a very heated discussion. And I do think it's something you should agree on before you get married. Oh my. Did they not discuss it prior to? And what's wrong with hyphenating? Because some people are established in business and your name is already out there. Because what happens when two hyphenated people marry two hyphenated people and then they want to hyphenate? We got 17 last night. That's what some cultures say. Help me, Amy. I didn't even consider this when I was thinking about this question, but if you just think about the lineage of Christ and he is from the lion of the tribe of Judah. She's from Babylon. There is a tribe. There is a lineage. There's a genealogy. And it is this man, was this son? Was this, this was this? What if, you know, what if they said, you know, we're going to go with a shero right there and it ends up just screwing everything up. Yeah, but maybe it was some. It's a great honor to be Mrs. Schaefer. We are pioneering our whole family. It's a beautiful thing. So I don't understand this. I don't want to take his last name. And I have to say when Roxanne said it's pride, and I agree that it's pride, but it's my pride that I take Cathy Seviller as my name for the last many, many, many, many, many, many years. And I'm a McNamara for sure, especially March 17th. St. Patrick's Day, great. But I'm so thrilled and proud to take my husband's name. So I do not understand hyphens, or this lady that wrote this. That's okay. Oh, that's great. Do we see a little goddess, or was that a critique? It was, I have to wrap up this section right now. We'll see you in just a minute. I almost started singing my Irish name McNamara song for these girls here. I'm getting a lot of trouble because I like to be the husband's name. So anyway, that was a great question. We do thank you for that. But these are good too. These are really good. They're all good. So we hope that you're enjoying this from your living room. And as Amy has always said, right to us, let us know what your opinion is. And this question says, how do you handle differences of opinions? On our panel, we just let it go. But can there be resolutions flow when you have differences of opinion? Whether husband, wife, friends, co-workers. I think there's always resolution. We are all bearing us the ministry of reconciliation. And the thing of it is, is that I think the biggest problem is what we think the resolution should look like. Even that question that we just had about last names, we all have a mindset of whether tradition or non-traditional or whatever, this is okay, take the name on. This isn't okay, take the name off. When you have, I believe the Holy Ghost is great at teaching us conflict resolution skills. And what I mean by that is the word of God tells us what. To come and let's reason together. A soft answer, turn it for way rad. But there has been times that I think all of us have experienced doing the very best we can to bring a resolve, to bring peace for as much lies within you. And however the end of it is not exactly what we were hoping for. Sometimes the resolution is, I gotta walk away. Well, that's in resolve it, but that's okay. That's kind of what I would do. It does resolve it because you're no longer, don't allow you to be toxic in my life. So sometimes you're trying to make something work with someone and it's just not going to. So no when to hold them. Okay, what do you got? Well, we live in a society and a culture that cannot handle disagreement. I mean, it is a truly offended culture we live in. And I just think that we need to realize disagreement does not mean disrespect. When you disagree with someone, now you can be disrespectful in your disagreement, yes. But you can very respectfully disagree. We do that right here on the panel. You can disagree with someone and that is not disrespect. And I think that we as a society need to learn that. We need to learn that we can disagree with each other and still love each other, still be neighbors, still learn to live with each other. That's a different question about love. But what do you have on this resolution? She's right, I believe. Proverbs 26 says don't disagree with a fool according to his folly. Don't answer somebody the way they're talking to you. If they're attacking you personally, if they're talking about your brother, your sister, whoever, because you can't discuss the issue because you don't agree on the issue, don't answer them according to their folly. Flows this walk away until you're ready to argue the issue. Okay, I'll be back and argue the issue, but don't attack personally everything else around me. I like that. Because you disagree with my idea or opinion. I like that. I would say too, just one caution, don't let the differences become divisions. Paul says, watch out for those who call divisions among you, that's good. And this next question is similar because Corey mentioned love. So I'm gonna come to you with this love question. And it goes like this. This is so good. This is so me. Do you believe that love can overcome anything I do? I don't. What do you got? You know, the Beatles song, all you need is love. I love the Beatles. I mean, I love the Beatles too, but it's just the world does not run on sunshine and rainbows. And I just think sometimes love isn't enough. Sometimes love means walking away. Sometimes love means saying goodbye. Love just isn't the only thing that runs the world. I wish it was. I mean, I wish it was too, but it's just, I just think sometimes people think we have love and that's all we need. Okay, well you also have responsibilities that you have to fulfill. You can't just sit around and live on your love, okay? I'm gonna ask both to sing it. Amy, come on, give me some love stuff. So the question, do you believe that love can overcome anything? So apart from my opinions or thought, like just the flat out scripture says that love never fails. Love never fails. So even if that love is me, you know, backing away or getting a new job or that's love, love can never fail. And I think if we just try to the best of our ability to put that at the forefront of everything, it says it never fades out. It never becomes obsolete and it never comes to an end. So I mean, the problem is how are people defining love? Love is love is love. I mean, there's so many weird, crooky definitions of love. But according to 1st Corinthians 13, that kind of love, that God kind of love, that will never fail. I need your wisdom on this love question. You know, I think everybody here is sharing some wisdom, but my perspective on it is I'm playing off of what you just said, the definition of love. And I think people tend to have a mindset of what love looks like. And you forget about love for yourself. Okay. And I believe that the love for myself will cause me to conquer all things. So let me explain that. Okay, I love you, but we have a disagreement or something goes awry. And sometimes to my own detriment, I can get so involved trying to prove and trying to show you that I love you, but something's broken inside of you and you can't receive it. So the love that I have for the Lord, which causes me to love myself, because in me dwells Him, right? Christ in me, the hope of glory, makes me know there's a time and a season for everything. And in this time, in this particular season, I may need to just leave that alone until you have that encounter with God that brings change. I think that we see it as we are the change agent. Love is the change agent, but what is it doing to work at that time? Sometimes it's you as the individual. What do you have a scripture for me on this love question? Well, God is love, first John. That's right. What love, they're saying, oh, what love? It's God's love. It's sacrificial love. It's giving love. It's being the servant, not the leader. It's being, what they say, the tail, not the head, going last instead of first. When we have that kind of, what do they call that, agape love? Sacrificial, communal, covenant love. Then God is love. This last question is really, really good. And you write us kind of hard things, to be honest, because this is hard. And Amy, I'm going to ask you. It says, you wrote, why does God make it so hard to follow him? So she thinks it's hard. I don't think it's hard. Jesus said, take my yoke upon you. It's easy. Take my burden on you. It's light. And in Matthew 11, 28 through 30, in the Message Bible, you learn that there is an unforced rhythm of grace. And when you do it, God's way. He's the designer. So to me, God designs a Porsche. You don't take a Porsche off-road. You do it according to the way the designer operates. We are designed by God for him, by him, create. So it's easy to follow Christ. Yeah, but she doesn't think so. So this answer, somebody answer this to the people. Sometimes with our maturity level, spiritual things are spiritually discerned. For all of us, even myself. A lot of the things that I have learned by the grace of God have been through parabolic type benefits. And so in the scriptures, Jesus did a lot of teaching with parables, correct? And there were some things that what I had to learn, because I used to get frustrated and, you know, I would say to God, why don't you just say it straight? You know, why do I have to figure it out? Why do I have to? But what I found is when I did my due diligence with it, studying to show myself, look how all of us have grown over in 10 years, you know? So some of those things that I have had to search out is the glory of God to conceal a matter. It's the glory of kings to search it out. And when that happens, then that revelation gets firebrand in my spirit. And that makes all the difference. Yeah, I mean to go along with that, you know, I think it becomes harder to follow God when we doubt God. When our faith waivers, it does become harder. But a scripture to go with that is Matthew 1720. Because you have so little faith, truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, move from here to there and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. So if you're struggling with following God, you know, turn to the scriptures, there's so much encouragement there. You know, I love this scripture because when you, you know, we feel doubt too. Say the scripture again. It's Matthew 1720. I mean, I feel doubt when I see this, when I, you know, have faith as small as a mustard seed and I can move mountain, that nothing will be impossible for you. You know, the Lord is there with you. He is there. That is encouraging to me. She's asking that she feels God makes it hard to follow. Hello. You know, she's blaming God for the hard road. There you go. You know, God doesn't make the road hard. He makes it challenging. And so there are times when we think it's hard, but when we get on the other side, what's he say, the way is narrow. The path is, is close. You've got, you have to follow a close path. But the Pharisees, Jesus condemned them because they put loads on people, was Amy saying, take my yoke. They put loads on people so strong. They say, but you, Jesus says, you die, you tie with deal and cumin, but you forget the way to your things of the law. Truth, mercy, justice. She has to keep her eyes on the Lord. The road might be hard. Some are called to a difficult challenge. Maybe you're not a mother, Teresa, but you're gonna have to give yourself for your neighbor, for your child, for somebody else. That's not hard. That's a calling. Right, right. And I think what makes it hard too is sometimes our flesh, right? We die daily and when my flesh is alive and screaming one thing and it's completely the opposite of what God is saying. But I love what Amy said. She said, Jesus simply says, take my yoke. It's easy. So for someone to feel that it's hard to follow God makes me really sad. Because it's not hard. He takes your stuff and puts it on his shoulder and shows you the way to live. We'll be right back right after this. We close with Psalm chapter 119, verses 116 and 117, uphold me according to your word, that I may live and not let me be ashamed of my hope. Hold me up and I shall be safe and I shall observe your statutes continually. Expectations, disagreements, disappointments must at times may we release those to God in order that he may uphold us. When my father was ill in the hospital and received the report that he would not survive, my mom graciously said, I do not receive that report, but I do release him to Jesus. Ephesians six states to us that we must only hold on to one thing, hope, hope in God's promise. Hope is the anchor of our souls, firm and secure. First Peter reveals to us that we are spiritually born into a living hope because Jesus rose from the dead. Jesus is our living hope. Jesus is God's promise. Let's release ourselves to Jesus in order that he may uphold us. The Lord says in Isaiah 41, I will uphold you with my victorious, righteous right hand. That's my girl, Roxy. We say to her, do you have a scripture? She always has a scripture. And the story about her father brought all of our hearts to glory. Really, we thank you. And on sister to sister, we love each other so much. So when one sister tells a story of struggle, the other sister has tears down her face. We love all of you so much for being with us on sister to sister and we'll be back again next week.