 We live in a world where sex is a hot topic of discussion. It's glorified in advertisements, TV shows, movies, and plays. Sex drives a lot of people, but what if it doesn't drive you? What if it's not the number one thing on your mind all the time? Does that make you weird? No. If you're someone who experiences sexual attraction only when you have a deep emotional connection with someone, then you may identify as demisexual. You might be asking, wait, is demisexuality a sexual orientation? It is believed to be a subset and add-on to an individual's identity rather than being an individual's sexual orientation. Sexual orientation, as people see it, is which gender you are sexually attracted to or not. Demisexuality is a way of experiencing sexual attraction. It being about how you want to go about a relationship rather than who you would want to be in a relationship with. A demisexual can also identify as gay, straight, or bisexual and may not have a gender preference when it comes to sexual attraction. Many argue that demisexuality isn't real or valid, that it's a made-up label for some to seek attention or feel like special snowflakes. Labels may not be absolute or necessary, but the term demisexual is a descriptive word for a certain pattern of attraction that gives demies more understanding of themselves, affirmation, and help them find the community with people who can relate. In 2012, Olivia Davis, a demisexual, wrote, Demisexuality is about desire and arousal, not just sex and who you do it with. It's not merely that I'm only interested in having sex with people that I love, it's also that I feel a complete absence of desire or sexual feelings towards everyone else, ever. What makes me demisexual is that absence. This means when a demisexual experiences sexual attraction and desire, it is only towards the specific partner. Every demisexual's experiences is different. The emotional bond demisexuals need for sexual attraction also varies for everyone. It may include familiarity with the person and learning aspects of their personality. Forming an emotional bond with someone does not guarantee that sexual attraction will happen. It is simply a prerequisite for it to occur at all. Demisexuality is halfway between the asexual and sexual spectrum of human sexuality. Demisexuals are often mistaken as choosing to be that way as opposed to it being their innate orientation. Demisexuality is not a pattern of behavior, but rather a distinct pattern of attraction. Demisexuals are not choosing to abstain from sex. They are often said to experience no primary attraction towards anyone, which means no attraction towards the immediate outer appearance and qualities of a person. People may find themselves to be sexually attracted to strangers, people they don't know well, or celebrities. But for demisexuals, they do not experience the initial sexual attraction. The difference between an asexual and a demisexual is that a demisexual experiences secondary attraction, which is mental and emotional, stemming from the establishment of a deeper connection. They may feel sexual attraction after getting to know someone on a deeper level and discovering that others value them for their intelligence, wit, heart, or any other attributes unrelated to looks. People who don't really understand demisexuality may label those who show little interest in sex as a prude or something similar like shy or someone afraid of intimacy. Just because someone isn't interested in sex with strangers does not make them abnormal or a prude. But at the same time, others might mistake demisexuals as people who only have sex with those they love. Sexual attraction is not the same as sexual behavior. Demisexuals can choose to have sex with whomever they please, whether they love them or not. It doesn't make them more or less demisexual. Many non-demisexuals choose to have sex with people they love, and that does not make them demisexual. Demisexuality refers to the underlying sexual attraction you feel, sexual feelings directed towards a person that you share an emotional bond with. Whether the demisexual decides to have sex with them or not has nothing to do with the definition of demisexuality. A lot of demisexuals get uncomfortable with the idea of flirting and may think it to be pointless. Demisexuals can still choose to engage in premarital or casual sex, and many do, though it is trust, openness, and emotional connection that really gets demisexuals going. Demisexuals may not like the thought of flirting at a bar, getting someone's number, and then leaving with a stranger and being intimate with them. A demisexual's idea of a fun night might instead be to spend time with friends, talking, dancing, and enjoying each other's company. Demisexuals may feel frustrated with people's tendency to overestimate their interest in them, and feel annoyed that they cannot just talk to them normally without having others hit on them. Many demisexuals may choose to avoid situations like big parties or club scenes for that reason. They might feel more comfortable in dating close friends, as casual dating doesn't appeal to them, and they may wonder how others have sex on the first date or have sex with someone they just met. Another common misconception of demisexuals might be that they don't find anyone attractive ever. Demisexuals may not just see someone as physically hot and rate their attraction to someone based off of their appearance. This is an extension of point one. The way demisexuals think about attractiveness seems to be different from how others think about it. Someone's attractive nature is found within for them. Physical appearance plays a very small, if not nonexistent role in what draws them to someone. When peers talk about crushes, celebrities, and sex, the demisexual may find themselves a bit disconnected. Most people on the non-asexual side of the spectrum feel sexual attraction whether or not they have a close emotional bond with someone. They may have sexual feelings for attractive classmates, co-workers, people in the street, celebrities, friends of friends. However, they may choose to wait to have sex for reasons like it being against their religious beliefs or wanting to make sure the other person is kind and respectful, etc. It's different for demis. They won't start out with these sexual feelings at all. They'd have to know more about the other person to feel like there is a deeper level of connection. Everyone has their individualized experiences, making us different and unique. Demisexuality is only one subset of an individual's identity. If a term helps others understand themselves better and does no harm to anyone else, it is as valid as it needs to be. If you'd rather ditch labels and just be yourself, all the more power to you. Whether or not you identify as a demisexual, we ask you to keep an open mind. Allow others to be themselves and bring their full selves with them everywhere they go. We're all human and whatever we feel or do not feel is valid. Thank you for watching. Let us know in the comments if you have heard of demisexuality before. Did you learn something new? We have done a previous video on 10 types of sexualities. So feel free to check that out too. And don't forget to hit the subscribe button along with the bell to get notified of new videos. Thank you for your support and until next time. Hello friends and neighbors. My name is Christian Verzosa and I did the animation and music for this video. I would like to thank you guys so much for watching. It makes me so proud to see all of your comments on YouTube and beyond. We are trying our absolute best to start conversations and bring awareness to certain psychological topics. If you'd like to see more of our videos, there's one about signs that you, my friend, are a good catch that should be uploaded this week or maybe it was already uploaded. Either way, it's a super fun watch. And as always, thank you so much for watching. Bye.