 squeeze them hard enough, they do pop. So I would suggest maybe not letting the elderly play with your testicles, but you know them, right? Yeah. Anyway, we'll talk about it later. Welcome to episode number 22 of the Marty Michael podcast. This is fully actual and we are here right now. Holy shit. And if you're listening to us, you're listening to us at this very moment. In time. No, it's not live. Yeah. No, but if they're listening to this, it could be listening to this in a year's time. And some of you will be. I'll be speaking, in a way, we're speaking directly to the future. We are a time machine. Because some people, someone in 10 years time will probably listen to this. So we're speaking to, now we're talking to people in 2030 and now it gets interesting. I wanna know what's happening. I wanna know, comment what's happening. If you're listening to this in the year 2030, comment where you live. About and Jennifer Aniston back together. Are they still developing property? Oi, look what we, speaking of time travel, we have built this. We just blacked out and accidentally invented that. Like, so easy. This is either a calculator or a time travel machine. Or a frosting machine. It frosts cakes as well. It's a strange calculator though because it has no screen. And you're probably wondering, what the fuck have you guys been doing? And the answer is, well, I went away for a couple of days with mine and Estie. We went away a couple of days. Lovely, lovely two-day little holiday. And then Michael went, he was gone on a boat. Right. My girlfriend and their family on a houseboat for a couple of days, which is lovely. So that's what, so like a little break from mayhem for a bit. Yeah, really? It's been four days, we haven't seen him and it's been, it's been very relaxing and now we're back to really hurt each other. A lot of wounds have healed so we can really tear each other's bodies. I fucked myself, by the way. Actually, and I'm gonna, let's see how about, I'm pretty sure I've broken a finger and we're gonna reveal it right now. Cause the swelling was fucked. So let's see how bad this shit is. So he's unwrapping his fingers, it looks like some like really old, dirty bandage. It was toilet paper, it was used toilet paper, dude. Used toilet paper all around his fingers. And it's fine, it's nothing. There's no mark there. He's fucking shit all the time. It's the swelling's gone down so it's not broken, that's such good news. Fuck yeah, it works. Yeah, fuck it. It looks a bit dark. Yeah, it looks, yeah, it looks fatter than that one. Oh, ha ha ha! That hurt, how'd you do that? Also, this podcast is sponsored by the University of Markham, where it's our website, where we put all lots of crazy videos that we can't put on social media. So if you wanna support us and support this podcast, go and sign up to that website cause that is where the real fucking cool shit happens. And social media's getting more and more fucked just at the start of this month again, Facebook. Changed its algorithm and now we get literally one fuck all. One third of the amount of reach that we usually get. And they might change it back soon, but for now it's we get one third of the views that we usually get. These things happen all the time. So that's why we started the website, something we can control a little bit more. So go and check it out. Everyone on there's fucking, it's fucking good shit. Everyone's starting to really love it, I think. We're constantly asking for feedback and everyone's really happy with it. And we got the app nearly finished so everything will be on a nice, easy to use mobile app that you'll be able to watch our videos on. So it's just gonna get better and better. And trust me, you wanna jump in there before. Before it sinks. Before it gets too late because we are now technically app developers. Yeah, wow. That's fucking high quality business shit. Matt Brown is very impressed. Fucking, what do you reckon of that? Mr. Researcher there? Pretending like he's not impressed, but he's very impressed. Oh, I love his new hat. He's so cute with his new hat. Ripped all his hair out again. Oh, everyone's been asking about you. Can you show your face? You will when we do the stunt time. Oh, maybe. Oh, look at him. Last week I put on your face. Fuck! Yeah, I didn't get pink eye, I think, fuck. But I don't know, I'm not still, Drew is still out on whether it was pool or just water because it was completely clean. It was clear. How do you do that? Normally it's brown or a tinge of brown. Yeah. Or like green. Matt? I think if it came out your ass, we'll class it as shit. Oh, yuck. Beast. Yeah, it's like a beast. Yeah, it's like a very... Spat humidity. It was sick. Oh! Memories. I haven't even watched that podcast yet. I'm gonna watch it tonight. Was it good? Did you see it? Yeah, it's quality. It's fizzle. And we were fucking... We weren't even high or anything last week. We were completely sober. And I'm having a couple of sides to say, Marty, what do you had? I've had a nothing. I've had a sober break. Couple. Look at that wink. Look at that cheeky wink. I am sober. The on this days this week... Did Matt do a good job? Well, look, I've had our peruse through. And yeah, there's some pretty crazy shit here. And like, yeah, we'll have to... I feel like we need to lawyer up after some of these. Like, it's starting to really tread into... What's that mean, lawyer up? Have we got to be lawyer? We're probably like some of these secrets. I have one day I was a barrister for one day. Yeah, well, some of this isn't even public knowledge. You would have had to break into some offices and sort of rifle through their folders and stuff to get some of this hacked a few websites. Fuck me. Wait, sorry. Sorry, I've got to hold you up. What do you mean? I love it when he does that. What are you going to say, cut? What do you mean you're a barrister? Oh, yeah. No, this is for one day, dude. He's just done some consulting. Wait, at school? No, it's just consulting. I was like 18 or something. Oh, you weren't there, Matt. You weren't there, right? This is one day. Anything can happen in one day, man. Think about it. It was just some consulting work with a judge, okay? If you want to really know that. Fuck. Yeah, you went from here to here. Wait a minute, so you're telling me you're a specialist advocate and advisor in law? Yes. What are you doing on this day about it, okay? Do some research about it, Matt. It was a day, dude. I was a bird one day. I've been heaps of shit. I was flying around one day. Like, I've done heaps of shit. I can do, be, anything. Okay. Fuck. Sorry. On this day, in 1988, the singer Seal awoke from a six-day MDMA bender. He was found panicking and confused and a brain scan revealed that the MDMA had melted away the part of the brain responsible for memory. His newly damaged brain did, however, slightly resemble the face of a seal. And after one of the doctors pointed it out on the scan, the memoryless man, Seal, decided to rename himself Seal. So, Seal named himself Seal because his brain is shaped a bit like the face of a seal. Holy shit. I always wondered how he came up with that name because it's like, not a normal person's gonna be like, I am named Seal. Where's your last name? Where's your middle name? Sometimes people have two middle names. You don't just have a first name, especially if your first name's just the name of an animal. He can't, yeah. So I'm also one day shit, but like, don't be a, like I was a bird for one day. Don't be a Seal forever. And surely, doesn't someone else remember his name? Like, does he not know anyone in the world? He's just come to and can't remember who he is. Now he's Seal. That's fucked up. Very, very sickening, Matt. Not on. I'm not okay with that one. All right. Sorry. On this day in 1985, Steven Spielberg got very cross because someone had been in his room. He could tell someone had been in his room because his toys weren't packed away the way he usually packs them. And because someone had chipped a bit and paint off one of his Spider-Man figurines. Steven got so cross that he melted his plastic toys down into liquid and drank them all. When asked about this in an interview, he exclaimed, if I can't have my toys, then nobody can, you bitch. I like the way he said packed. Packed was lovely. Facked. He's annoying though. People entering your room without consent. Oh, yeah, always at least knock. We've all been there, haven't we? Yeah, I've had a little nap on your bed. One time he told me, what are you doing in here, Matt Brown? Happened like a couple of weekends ago when we were with James. Yeah, you came in and snuggled up. On this day in 2007, Snoop Dogg filed a police report claiming that Hogwarts is real and all that wizard shit is actually legit. He claimed that J.K. Rowling is actually Harry Potter's auntie and she wrote the books to make it seem like Harry Potter was a brave hero when really it is Snoop Dogg that defeated Voldemort and Harry Potter is just some lame nerd wizard that can't get laid. Snoop is sick of not getting the recognition that he rightfully deserves. Not bad. That is unbelievable. Snoop Dogg. Like he's not just going to say she like that unless you can back it up with hard facts. So honestly, wow. What a twist. Snoop Dogg is actually the guy who defeated Voldemort. Unbelievable. On this to try to remember the fucking adventures would go on and we try and find Voldemort. Yeah. In the lost world. God, they were the day anyway. We were just kids. It was just 20 year old children. Yeah, I was fucking Barrister at 18. So I wasn't a kid for a day. Yeah. On this day in 2015, Meryl Streep was seen laying an egg the size of a football. She was clearly embarrassed when questioned about it and timidly confessed that she lays eggs and buries them all around Hollywood in hopes that one will hatch an Oscar trophy. My first Oscar trophy actually grew into a real man and we dated for five weeks before he turned back into a regular Oscar trophy. I want that kind of relationship again, a very lonely Meryl said. Oh, Meryl's the sickest name. So she she dates her Oscars. Is Oscar the best thing you can get? Yeah, it's the highest award yet. And it's for movies, not TV shows. Oscars and then the Nobel Nobel Prize is straight under the Nobel. We've got a couple in the back, probably lots of trophies. It goes Oscar and then the Nobel Peace Prize. Then the Arias and then a bronze medal in the 100 meter sprint is the third highest honor that you can achieve. You know how hard it is to come exactly third? Yeah, because I guess what if you were coming first? He is quickly slowed down then. Yeah, it's so hard to judge. They're all so close. You know, half a step back, 10 people could be in front of you. Yeah, they might not have slow mo. Meryl's won three Oscars. Well, there you go. One of them turned into a real man. You said you claim Matthew Brown. Is that what happened? And I guess what they dated and were physically intimate with a steel, large man. She could shove that in. Is that what you're saying? She could easily make it worse. She sounds like she's mentally ill if she's burying eggs around Hollywood. Is she? I've never heard of this lady. She's a big fat. She's a big fat bitch. Really? No. I can't put a name to the face. Yeah, what's what she looked like? Just keep seeing a big fat bitch laying eggs. I'm trying to think of something you would have watched. She's she's the she's like, oh, yeah. She's a devil's where part, a lady. Old and has white hair. Big fat, evil bitch. She's oh, Kuella Deville in 101 Dalmatians. Big fat bitch. No, I made it close. Looks a lot like her and does also skin Dalmatians. Wow. She skins them. Matt. Definitely. Correct. See. And that is on this day. All right. That leads us to our next segment. And you guys have sent in some questions. Am I right? Oh, via Instagram. Send in some fucking questions. I can't wait to have a bloody read of this. And the segment has, of course, hasn't has not had a name change this week. What you doing chilling out there? Holiday dog. You go in my head. Oh, is this normal? Yeah. Yeah. It's just a normal segment name. This is say it's been just named to a responsible Q and a Q and a segment. Oh, OK, Matt. All right. A bit lazy, eh? I feel like I'm on our segment names today. Let's see. Now he's aiming at me. We're filming with Xiaomi tomorrow. That video should be out here now by the time you're listening to it. Yeah, well, I want to see what I mean. It could go wrong, especially with what we're doing. We could get fucked up. Badly. MBS, don't play 14. Marty. Yeah. You may try to fuck the phone only for science. In the name of Stephen Hawking's, bend your phone over and go to the fucking town. Oh, because there's a. Oh, he's sent. So he's kind of Matt sent a picture of a cow. Let me just have a look at it here. So it's not too. Cardoony. Yes, it's not sexually suggestive enough. Like I like my cows sort of with a bit of fear in their eyes. And they're a bit wary of the human. This looks like a cow is having a holiday on the beach. It's got actually has sunglasses on a cow wearing a hat. So now this cow looks far to relax. I like my cows with a bit more fear and sort of terror in their eyes. Yeah, that's fair. All right, this is the question. If you guys each knew you had 48 hours to live, what the fuck are you each doing and where are you going? I'd start. I'd go to breaking. I'd break as many windows as possible. I think we've said this. I'd start cleaning. I like just to just because it's like funny to waste the last two hours of your life. Yeah, we're like, you just start fucking cleaning the house. I've spent the last two hours of my life doing the most boring mundane thing that I could think of. I would have a good laugh at that. That would really get me happy. I would understand that. Get your bond back. Yeah, exactly. All right, this one is H. Mowing service. Well, there you go. Little plug. All right, Marty, Michael, what Nirvana song do you like the best? Rape me. You were right. Next question. This one's from Austin Rose. Oh, this is a spicy question. You fucking can't. How much would it take to sit your bare ass on a colony of fire ants? Well, it's funny that you mentioned that because we've just come up with a video idea. What's the title? I've found a ritual. I've found a ritual online where you can sort of try and become a part of an ant colony. So we're going to see the video idea is titles. Let me get this right. Do ants accept humans as ants or are humans just humans to ants? So we want to figure out if we can make ourselves so ant-like that the ants will accept us as one of their own. I want to become the queen, basically. That is the experiment. See if we can become an ant queen. All right, Craig Duncan. Where was your favorite place in Europe? He's visited. Oh, I'm going to burp. That's better. London was lovely. London was lovely. Prague was lovely. Germany was lovely. I don't really have a favorite, I don't think. Prague. Pretty good. Paris was Paris. Shit. Fuck you. San Sebastian. Remember that drum festival? The 24 hour drum festival? And it was a festival. A band chasing perusions out of their town. So it was also nice. We could relate. Yeah. Mutual hatred for the damned perusions. Only the few that fucking beat the shit or we beat the shit. Not all of them. Yeah, all of them. Yeah, San Sebastian was cool, and that's in Spain. So probably there, I'm just going to say, because that's, you know, yeah, so basically. So basically, yeah, that. Finn has asked, would you rather smoke cones every day for the rest of your life or not be able to wank? This is easy. Smoke cones every day because not like what? You fucking, you break your brain eventually, though. Yeah, one cone each day. Yeah, I guess maybe if it's only one cone a day. But like, you don't even, you could just say never wank for the rest of your life because you can still have sex. You wouldn't choose. You got to be more specific, Finn. You got to write down like all the things, all the fucking, we could fuck. You could fuck. And does that count as wanking? Yeah, no. Finish, that's finished. All right, so I just choose the not wanking thing and then just have sex with something. And then you can smoke cones if you want to, not every day. Have sex with something, Matt. Okay. A cow. Write that down. Have sex with something. Quickly. Write down, have sex with something. Okay, he's got it. That's the next question. All right, this one's from Jaden Milton. What's your thoughts on DMT? We've recently acquired some, we're not allowed to say that. Fuck it. We've recently acquired some DMT. So we're going to film a website video. We think we're still a bit iffy. We're going to check legal, click, click, click. I'm not going to film ourselves actually smoking it, but we want to... Oh, I'm sorry. I don't want to do it on camera, to be honest. Well, we'll see. Kids, it's not a fucking good time on pingers with the boys. Yeah, let it be an educational video. It's a fucking medicine. It's like sacred as shit. You're going to find out so much stuff that you probably don't want to find out, especially about yourself. It's... Be careful. It's medicine. Be careful, okay? Be careful with it. It is good for you if you want to fucking be a better human being. I feel like the experience for the person filming that's going to be just as eye-opening as it is for you taking it. Well, fuck, you saw me last time we did it. I went to the realm and had mechanical elves everywhere and all, what was the sound... Like, mimic me. What was I like? Yeah, they were scaring us. But yeah, you're not there. Fucking hell, it's so interesting that so many people have the same circumstances and experiences. How long does it last for? 15 minutes. Is it only 15? I mean, you just feel it. What if you continue to have more? If you, yeah, the trip... We'd disappear forever? No, it just starts not working as good as your tolerance builds up. If you have ayahuasca and you ingest it orally, so you're eating it, that can last up to eight hours and that's when you get to stay there talking to the aliens. But 15 minutes, you only get a brief time with them and they'll normally tell you a piece of shit. And then you come back and you're like, oh, fuck. You're rejected. But, yeah, fucking... We should show them our videos. It's good, it's... And they're talking about... We'll show the aliens our videos next time we see them. Take your phone with you. We'll fucking take the phone's cut. How about we just, we'll film it and then we'll decide after a few years... I can't, because you've never gone to the realm. I can't wait to see what you fucking... If you can bring back info and tell me what you see. Because it is... Imagine if I just come back and I'm in arm with one of the aliens. Yeah, met him. He brought him back. He reverts back to his native German tongue. Just can't... Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, yeah, fuck. Yeah, it's gonna be interesting, but fucking hell. Be careful with the kids. Yeah, treat it. Oh, we're just gonna say that we're gonna say that we're filming it for the website just so you guys sign up to the website. Don't do it, don't do it. But we might not film it for the website. Do it if you're an adult, of course. Everything you do, do when you're an adult. Oh, itchy, itchy. One-four. Question from one-four. Give me your best pickup line. Wow, you're a chick. That's cool. That's... That's fuck. Get in the bag. Hey, get in the bag. Come on, get in the fucking bag. Get in the bag. Get in the fridge. Yeah, I don't know. Which is one that's worse. I've never really used one. I did have a stage that I go up and this has backfired. I've never really used one. This has backfired hard. Where you try and be like real weird obviously and stand out, so you ask the girl straight away, hey, have you ever seen a dead body? And you get, you know, fucking five times out of ten they have because their grandpa or grandma has passed away. And then you get a real sad story. And then it's sort of awkward. But sometimes it's like a fucking funny story. It's an icebreaker. Yeah, yeah, I saw a corpse just last week. I saw a corpse behind that dumpster at the back of my house. A strange bang hit a pole. It was crazy. Very lighthearted way to sort of break the ice with someone to talk about bodies that they've seen. But one thing that was always worked when we were younger was pretending that we were a famous Australian band gyroscope, but which also backfired because Michael looked like the lead singer but I'd have to say that I was like the bass player or something. And then they'd Google the band in front of us and see that I'm meant to have a huge Afro. Yeah. And they're a couple times because it's, just to be like, these guys are lying to us to try and have sex with us. Yeah, it did. But fucking hell, did it work sometimes? Yeah, it did. We're coaching me up. We've told that story in... German. Germany or Austria where we literally fucking took over that restaurant. Yeah. They got to do like... The whole entire bar. They treated us like celebrities. We stripped off in front of like families. Not families. They weren't families. But like old people and respectable life people. Yeah, they let us just dance on the bar. That was fun. And that's in our previous first season podcast stories. Storytime. Speaking of... Matt Brown. Storytime. This has come from... someone. Okay. Jordy Weyat. When is storytime on your podcast making a return? Surely you have some more cook stories. We do. But there's shit we can't say. Yeah, there's shit that'll just get us fucking thrown out of that count. Constable cocky it'll come round and put cuffs on us. So the stories weren't sustainable so we sort of had to... We couldn't... It's just not... If this podcast goes for 10 years it's just a segment that's not sustainable because we just have to keep doing some fucked up shit just for a segment, you know? Yeah. But yeah, those were good times. Everyone go back and have a little bit of a listen. We have some fucking ribbon stories. Season one story times. Oh, there's some ribbon stories. I'll tell you that much for free, can't... Fucking... The chosen one. Bahar underscore the big underscore dog. Do you guys watch WWE? The wrestling? No, we don't watch the wrestling. I can't do it. I've never really gotten into it. I don't... It's not... It's not up there with Fast and Furious but it's fucking close. But I get like... Because, you know, the racco-boys are obsessed with them. Yeah, but they're real shit. Have you seen the stuff they fucking do? Yeah, I know. Well, that's what I mean. There is a version of like... The fake wrestling where they still really fuck each other hard. But it is still fake wrestling but like they fucking hit each other with shares and shoot each other and they even saw this guy just spear a small midget. They get like dumb tacks and like fucking smash them into your skull so you've got scarring. And then they swallow bullets and go and stand in a huge microwave and then turn the microwave on and the bullets go from the belly. You don't know how to blow it off. That's it. Remember? Matt, close the microwave door and push the button. Remember? Remember? Undertaker. See? Oh, dude! Whoa! Oh, big news. I got spit. Up near Blybie Island, I drove past a wholesome plant. Oh. Can you open it again soon? Fucking hell. Can you just open it again in a couple of days? That'd be good. Oh, my God! Oh, okay. Sorry. I really want to cut that. 685. Macaulah245 is his Instagram account. Can you just fight? Yeah. Use? No, what do you mean? Like, no. Well, you know, we've been in our fair share of fucking bulls. Bulls? But that's never something that we strive out to get involved with. So I'm fighting always. In our early 20s, there were a lot of stupid fights and it always ruins a night and then something always just shit happens. It's not good kids. Don't fight. Just kiss. Just have a dance off. Have a stomp the yard battle cunt. Trust me, you'll get more street cred than ever from stomping the yard properly with the right amount of respect rather than dog-shotting some cunt when he's fucking glassed your mate in the fucking teeth. Stomp in the yard. Yeah! Stomp the yard. Yeah! All right, that's question time. I'm gonna bozzy. All right, the next segment has been renamed. That's so pretty. And this is a segment where we just open shit and dogs have sent to us in our P.O. box. This one is heavy. It's got weight. Dude, imagine if it was... Look, she's even put a number on it. I don't know if we should read the name because I don't know if people want their names. So I'm just gonna say the first name. And we've got her address now. So Ashley, we're in your backyard right now. She's got cows. Once you're hearing this, Ashley, go and have a look in your backyard because we're actually standing there waving through the back door. Oh, heights. It's got her address as the word heights and that Markle's just seen in his... Oh, it sparks his curiosity. Oh, top top top top. Oh, top top top top. Oh, top top top top. Avenue. Top top top top. Oh, it's just a block of asbestos. Oh, shit. Oh, it's just some whites. Oh, what do we got here? Oh, look at this. It's a hot sauce. It's a Trinidad scorpion sauce and it is... Oh, there are a lot of warning signs on this. Intensely hot. Use on anything and everything for an intense chili hit. No. No, I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. There's scorpion chili in this. Shit. There's scorpion chili and we're gonna pour it into our eyes. No, I'll dim. I didn't want to do this. It's a bag. I can't read. I think this could be coffee. This could be fucking coffee that Ashley has sent to us. Hey, guys, saw this sauce and thought of you. Apparently, this is the sauce that made Gordon Ramsay freak out on hot wings. I'm sure you can have some fun with this on the podcast and give Michael a week off from getting hair sprayed in the face. Big fan have been following you guys since your early videos on YouTube. Keep up the good work. Best scientists around. Dan Ash Coffey. And here is a sample to try. Well, thank you very much. Shout out to Dan Ash Coffey. How do you spell it? It's coffee here. If you want to fucking try some. It's called Ash Espresso here. Brazil de Tira sample. Do we have a coffee machine? No, I do at home and my girlfriend is a barista. So this will go down quite the treat. Ashley, let me tell you, let me fucking tell you right now that I will be consuming this. This is gonna suck. Oh, it smells like coffee. Doesn't that smell yummy? No, it doesn't smell yummy. Oh, shut up, shut up, shut up! Shut up, shut up! And we've just discovered valium. Oh, my God, that slipped well. Maybe. All right, well, I guess... Pop it now. And we'll have to pop the... And then the valium's our reward at the end of the hot sauce. All right, so thank you, Ashley, for sending all this. This is awesome. This is fucking good shit. And shout out to your fucking coffey. We'll fucking down that. Now I'm gonna fucking sample this fucking hot sauce that my Gordon Ramsay fuck off. I'm gonna fucking valium. Ah, we have no milk, so you guys are gonna suffer. I'll get some water, though, for you. I don't want to do this, but hey, at least you've got a valium waiting at the end of it. Oh, bozzy, you look a bozzy, hey? Where's my schnishny? Where's my schnishny schnooky, hey? Isn't he cute? Isn't he fucking normal? Oh, it's pungent. Oh, yeah, instantly, even just doing this, waving the fucking bottle under my nose, my eyes start watering. So that's exciting. I think we're just gonna pour it into our hands and slap it onto our face. Come on, everyone, let's bloody hear it for Matthew Bloody Brown. Everyone's screaming, everyone's screaming. I want you to do it. He's so cute, look at his hat. You're gonna go first or we all do at the same time? Okay, fuck it. We gotta quickly do it now before we see his reaction. Oh, god, yeah, that's not good. Oh, shit! Yeah, it's like, oh, buddy, I've got your water. There's some water, don't spill it, though. This is yours. This isn't clean. Where'd you find this in the bin? It's so dirty. Okay, so this sauce is... Yeah, it's very, very chili. It's called Wilshire Chili Farm and it's fucking hot. We'll just put a... My liver hurts now. There's pain coming from my organs. It's something like... How, mate? It's the platoid and fucking hottest thing in the world. Remember? People love sending us spicy shit. Imagine just licking the whole fucking plate. Man! Sorry. All right, on to the next segment, which has been renamed... Oh, prickles! I'm not brown prickles! And there's a segment where we just do... Start time. Oh, sorry, yeah. It's just a weird segment. It is... It is stunt time and that's just named it whatever that was just then. Fuck! And this week, you know, stunt time, it's a segment where we both equally do something very, very painful. It's equally as shit for both of us. We both put our pain thresholds to the test and do something fucked for you guys. And this week where... Oh, it's science mixed with stunt. We're going to test if you can taste sound. Oh, yeah, that's right. We're going to see if we can... Michael is going to get an air horn, put the fucking dog in his mouth and squeeze it to... That's hot shit! It still burns me! And we're going to see if he can taste sound. Oh, God! Do you understand? Tastes sound. This has never been done before. Albert Einstein tried to, but he couldn't invent an air horn. He didn't know how to do it. So now the air horn's there, the old experiments there. We put the two together. My nose is running... My nose is running like a... Like a... Like a human running from a bear or something. Something like that. Something that requires lots of running. That's what's happening to my nose. It'll hopefully numb the burning. Another... This is an experiment within an experiment. All right, when you're ready, I'll count you down from five, four, three, two, one. Oh! Oh! Oh! Echoed and hit the bottom of his arsehole, ricocheted off through, doing this one, up the pipes, back up his voice box and then came back and gave the other end. Isn't that sicklier? It tasted like air. Oh, wow. So there you go. Sound tastes a lot like air, which makes sense, because it travels via air. Isn't that interesting? Isn't that interesting? Again, put it there, pal. So, there you go. Sound does have a taste. We've just proved it, and fuck everyone. Ha ha ha ha! Prank call time, and now we have... Next segment has been renamed... Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Prank time! Oh, yes! And Matt's added that dance routine behind the segment name change, which is quite lovely. Thank you for that, Matt Brown. Me all excited. And this segment is basically just a segment where we prank call family of friends. You guys have sent a bunch of numbers in. We prank call and see if we can really hurt their feelings and ruin their life for a little bit. Ha ha ha ha! It's quite lighthearted, isn't that right? You should've hit me really hard there. Ha ha ha ha! Okay, so no new prank calls this week, guys. So fucking pick it up! If this, if we can't... That's fucking... Come on, send us some shit! Use them as a therapist. Hey, man, I just need someone to talk to. What about speaking? Getting life advice from Domino's employees. Oh, okay. Here we go. Ah, man. Domino's... Hey, man, I just want to order some pizzas for... Pick up, please. Pick up? Yeah, yeah. Well, besides a new wife, I'll have a large barbecue meat lovers and we'll just go that on a classic crust. Sure thing. Is that all for tonight? No, just hanging on. My wife has left me an order here. She's probably off... seeing that guy she saw. It says here she wants a Hawaiian, just on a classic there. Yeah. Yeah, hopefully she'll be back soon because she's already been over there for a couple of hours. How long do you reckon until the pizza arrives? Oh, sorry, he's finished and ready to be picked up. Probably like 10 to 15 minutes. Okay, sweet. It's just because, yeah, like I seriously can't get a hold of my wife and she's sort of... Well, sorry to sort of lay this on you, but yeah, she sort of just started being quite distant a few months ago and she's sort of... She's got this new job, right? And she just started hanging out with the staff there a little bit and she started getting real close to this massive or massive, massive guy, Paul. And he's just like... They've gone out for coffee a couple of times and she's just pulling away. I feel like she's just definitely getting more distant. Yeah, and I'm pretty sure she's at Paul's now and she's just like, you know, you never think of him to be dirty sluts before you marry him, but like, what am I doing now? Half our mortgage and a couple of kids, so it's like, but you know, these aren't your problems, but... What do you reckon? Yeah, no, I don't know. Can I go up a name? Yeah, mate, sure. So my name's Marty, M-A-R-T-Y. Marty? Yeah. Well, no worries. Well, if I'm not there in like 15 minutes, because you know, I might have to go drive to my wife's place of work and just see if she's there with Paul, because you know, she's claiming that she's working late at night, but I guarantee you they're not going to be working much, do you know what I mean? So I'm just going to swing by the office and if she is with Paul, do I confront him? What was that? Should I talk to him or should I just... I don't want to come across as like too like jealous and insecure in front of him. You know, I don't know whether I should talk to him or just pick up my wife and just come and get the pizzas. Oh, he hit the cunt. Yeah, dude. Not very good life advice, but yeah, he didn't really let me get too fucked. Oh man, I wish someone really fucking tried to help you out there. Yeah, we might try that on the camera. Okay, let's try another one. Let's try another one. Thanks for coming down this weekend. How can I help you? Hey, I'd just like to place a pickup order, please. For me and my two brothers. First, Peter, can I please get a large Hawaiian? Yep. Look, you probably don't want to be hearing this, but yeah, we used to have three brothers, but now there's only two. But yeah, so the second brother, he wants a BBQ Meat Lovers on Classic as well. Yep. And the third brother, he usually, he's not around anymore. He'll never guess, like, so unlucky. He was actually crossing a highway, chasing a football, and yeah, he was hit by a semi-trailer. This has happened only a couple of weeks ago, so. They still haven't found the driver, so I was a hit and run, so I'm still a bit shaken up from me, you know? Have you ever lost anyone close to you and your family, or have you ever lost anyone close to you and your family, or you sort of haven't had that yet? Not there. Yeah, well, like, let me tell you, it's not like, yeah, it really shook me. Like, you know what I mean? It rocked me. It fucking rocked me, like, I was weeping. Do you know what I mean? Now, the brother wants a garlic bread. Give us, like, six garlic breads. And, like, he was like, it's kicking a football over a highway. Like, that's so dumb. Like, you know what I mean? Like, kicking it straight over a highway. Like, I know it's partly his fault as well, but still, the semi-trailer driver, he's gone now. Like, they can't find him. So he's just smashed my brother, torn his body to pieces with his fucking semi-trailer. And now he's gone. He didn't even think to pull over and to leave his details. He just kept going. And, like, I don't even know... You've been really good to talk to, you know what I mean? So you're the first person that's actually listened to my story. So I'm, like, I'm really appreciative of that. Can you put... Can you put some, like, a range, some of the ingredients on my pizza part or something just to make me feel a bit better? Sorry, what's that? So the ingredients on the Hawaiian pizza, can you just make the pineapples make it look like a love heart? Like, put them in a love heart shape on the pizza? Oh, I'll just try that. For my brother, bitch, for my brother. It's for my brother, because my other brother's dead. Okay, so, yeah, it's sort of, like, he's struggling as well. He's internalizing a lot more, but, like, yeah, it's sort of neat. It would really make his day if he opened his pizza and saw a pineapple love heart there because of our other brother got smashed and crushed by that semi-trailer. Don't you think? Don't you think... Yeah, just the Hawaiian with the pineapple in the love heart shape. In the love heart shape. Don't you think that life is, like, that crazy sometimes? Don't you think that is? Sorry? It's just nuts. And, like, I don't even know, like, so I still haven't told her. I have to write it on a bit of paper in Braille and she'll feel it. So she's going to feel the message of me saying, hey, it's just been hit by a car, by a truck and he's dead. His body's strewn across the highway. You know what I mean? So it's like, where do you even begin with that is what? Don't you think? Yeah, you just need a Hawaiian, a barbecue meatloaf and six garlic bits. Yeah, and just so the pineapple in the love heart shape and then maybe, like, what's a good drink for someone who's grieving that their brother was crushed to death by a semi-trailer? Sorry? What's a good drink for someone who's grieving because their brother was crushed to death by a semi-trailer? You just have to drink Pepsi, Pepsi Max, Solo, Pump Kiss. Yeah, Pepsi. You know what? Let's Pepsi Max it up in here. What was his name, Max? He's actually named Was Max. Did you know that? Yeah, Pepsi Max. Yeah, so what else? What else is happening? Everything all right on home? Sorry? Yeah, I'm sorry too. Anyway, thanks for the chat. I'm just... I'm just... I'm gonna go be sick. Stop crying, stop crying. Stop crying over and over. Hello? What's happening right now, Sandra? Sandra? Sandra, can I call you Sandra? What is happening to me, Sandra? I need help. Hello, would you like to base it on us? Um, no thanks. We're the best, we're the best. We're the best, we're the best, we're the best!