 So I'd like to be candid and upfront with you all if you don't already know this about me I'm a junkie for love and what I mean to say is I get incredibly Excited when I see couples happily in love that whether it's at the doctor's office Whether it's at the beach people walking hands when I can see those two that when I can see two people genuinely feeling appreciation Attitude affection Cherishment respect for one another. I think that is one of the most amazing things to witness when you see this within couples And actually this past weekend. I had the benefit of doing a couples retreat with my beloved and there's a picture of her And I right there With three other couples whom we The through we actually know them so it's not like a group of strangers or whatnot In fact everyone in the group are dear friends of mine and these were couples who we wanted to do some intimacy exercises as well as exercises to kind of reach down to where our little kid is and To have a little play time with our partners. Now. Why am I sharing this with you? Well, one of the benefits of doing couples retreats is you get to see other couples in their in not in their environment per se but in their romantic environment with each other and This was a roughly about a 40-hour event And there's quite a bit of vulnerability authenticity and transparency So why am I sharing this with you is? Because I got to witness couples who genuinely love each other and during this experience I began to process for my my youtube channel some of the thoughts I came from this experience And I thought it'd be a great opportunity to talk about what it takes to deeply fall in love in a relationship now first off of the four couples one was by the way of the four Peaks four couples all of us are divorced once at least One couple had been married for 13 years. In fact, they were the youngest People in the group and they had been married the longest another couple had been together for five years They met through match calm another couple has been together two years and they're getting married next year They met on my match calm and then my beloved and I although we met a year and a half ago on match calm We didn't actually physically meet each other until about six months ago And now we live together and all of these couples live together What was interesting about the men in particular one of the things I examine when the men shared About their experiences being in relationship I noticed of all all of the men they didn't have this one quality of that I think oftentimes stifles relationships for women and if you've ever been in a relationship with a man who is Overly dedicated with his work overly dedicated with their children overly dedicated with their friends overly dedicated To their goal for other activities They oftentimes treat their partners as second or third wheels in the relationship So one thing I noticed within these men They weren't their work or their professional life for these other things wasn't an overwhelming priority for them They weren't even though each man was passionate in their work Their partners were equal priorities to them And I thought that was rather interesting to observe that that What I see with a lot of my clients that they're in relationship with men where the woman is ignored dismissed Not treated as a priority And oftentimes that's because they have other priorities in their life That overwhelm them and they don't make their partner equally important So with these men I witnessed that I observed that and they know this to be true for them the other thing I noticed within these men Is that they had all of them had the capacity To be vulnerable with their partner more importantly They had the capacity to actually cry In front of their partners. That's right cry Now I don't mean cry from a place of insecurity I'm talking about crying from that place of appreciation of gratitude for their partner to be able to lean in and As one of the women in the group because one of the men was being absolutely vulnerable in the moment with Regarding how much he genuinely appreciated and was in gratitude for his partner who he's about to marry And he was embarrassed in that moment and what one of the women said to him Was you shouldn't be embarrassed Because that crying is just a melting of the ice that's oftentimes surrounded by our hearts Men oftentimes are taught to be stoic to stuff their feelings to keep their emotions in And because of that a wall of ice has been built. So the minute that wall has been starts to melt That's the tears running down our eyes and I can say every man in this group Shared that type of vulnerability authenticity and transparency with their partner myself included In fact, I found myself getting choked up many a time during these processes And what's cool about my I'm be candid with you I'm blessed to be surrounded by a group of people where we do regular retreats to improve our relationship with our partners And there are plenty of organizations that assist that I would certainly Google couples Workshops to see what could be in your area to that can actually enhance your relationship with your partner So as I began leaning in and preparing for this particular video I thought to myself i'm my girlfriend I've been watching uh binge watching another show on netflix called indian matchmaker indian matchmaker And why I wanted to share this with you today is what's interesting is this these are Uh people from india, you know And the matchmaker has a specific criteria to help match these two people together Well, why is this so important to you know examine for a moment? Is because while the matchmaker has some criteria and the women oftentimes want tall men and successful men doctors and that sort of thing Which is also matching up more importantly Is that their values are aligned their cultural background aligned and more importantly Their families are aligned with one another What's interesting in the matchmaking and the arranged marriage is it's important to have Family buy-in in these relationships because when you have your family involved in your relationship You have a stronger support system for when the relationship hits some bumps in the road And what's interesting is uh in the beginning of one of the episodes they show all the happy couples who Literally have been in arranged marriages and they seem they've been married 20 30 40 even some 50 years And they genuinely seem happy with their partners and while this could be You know Scripted for a tv show. I believe it to be absolutely true because they have found partners who are aligned with them partners who are aligned with them so But not but aligned more in their values aligned in their lifestyles and more importantly their emotional maturity Now one of the challenges with dating and relationships today is we're meeting total strangers We know little about a person. It's hard to assess Whether or not they're genuinely compatible with one another This is why I created my coaching program. By the way, there's a link. Where do you see it right here? There's a link John. You can reach out to johnathanasley.com forward slash coaching the schedule a discovery call with me My whole area of expertise has helped you learn what questions you should be asking a person Based on your personality to determine if you're aligned with one another and if you haven't seen my relationship iceberg chart I'll show it right here. Okay for the camera You can see it at the above the water line is attraction. That's where chemistry lies But you can see below the water line this compatibility is critically important shared values blendable lifestyles and and more importantly emotional maturity And if you don't have the skills to assess someone's capacity and Relationship skills to be in relationship. It's going to be very challenging To find that partner who you can actually deeply fall in love and and quite frankly until what i'm about to share happens It's going to be critically difficult to have that kind of relationship As I always say that juicy delicious relationship that can lead to partnership Now here's the thing Emotional maturity relationship skills. This is the challenge today that we're faced with in fact If you haven't seen this chart that I've created most of you have But some are you're new to my channel I talk about emotional maturity and relationship skills and while I believe 20% by the way This is not a fact merely an opinion while I believe 20% of the population has clinical issues You know and while maybe 20% are healthy the vast majority of humans have dysfunctional relationship skills Why do we see a 50% divorce rate amongst first marriages and a 65 and 75% on second and third marriages Because the reality is as human beings don't know how to relate to one another It used to be you had the family unit helping you stick together But if you don't have that in your life, that's going to be critically challenging To make a relationship work and more importantly to make a relationship thrive where you're actually deeply in love with one another Is this sinking in is this resonating because I know you can listen to the idea of just leaning back in your feminine energy And just hoping that someone's magically going to claim you Yeah, magic fairy dust works every single time For about 35 seconds And then what are you left with? You left fine. You're finding yourself ghosted or being ghosted disappeared on ignored Or worse spending time in a relationship that lacks the kind of depth and emotions that you genuinely wish to experience in Relationship and sadly many are experienced this because they haven't done the inner work themselves to actually be prepared In fact, one of the reasons why I wrote my book What the heck is self love anyway a journey of personal development self open spiritual work Is so you can actually lean into your empowerment because ladies well, this isn't a dating book by the way Ladies you have a propensity to give your power away to men Because you've been indoctrinated in the idea that men are the leaders of the relationship and I guess you just have to sit there and follow This is why a lot of coaches out there right now are Promoting submissive behavior for women and quite frankly what I've noticed is a lot of misogynistic behavior And treating they're talking about the sexual marketplace like a woman's only value Is what she can provide sexually and I'm here to say Fuck you to that shit That's a crock of shit. That's fucking bullshit Your value isn't based on your attraction Or your capacity to clean some assholes clothes for him Don't buy into that bullshit rhetoric if you're following any of that advice out there your value lies within And you have a tremendous amount of power within you to be in relationship One of the first things you must do and I say must is establish your standards and your boundaries and more importantly Your capacity to speak your truth to a guy because in many cases many of you Don't speak up because you're fearful that he will leave the relationship Who gives a fuck if he leaves the relationship? If he can't meet your standards or if he continually crosses boundaries If he gaslights you if he treats you with disrespect if he ignores you don't settle for mediocrity Stand in your power because you're a victor and not a victim in this experience Because if you really want to experience that juicy delicious relationship I talk about Folks, let me just say this most men are good guys. They just don't know how to get To what i'm about to share and you can make it happen incredibly easy And what's going to make both of you fall in love with each other Is the capacity to experience emotional intimacy with one another not physical intimacy Not the physical high that comes from intercourse I'm talking about that emotional high that comes from being vulnerable by being authentic and by being Transparent with one another and if you're not familiar with the book emotional intimacy by robert masters I highly recommend checking this out and reading this book So you can understand the fundamentals and the principles to get to that level of emotional intimacy with your partner Because folks, let me just say this What's the point of being a relationship? Listen if you can pay your own bills and support yourself then you don't need a man for dependency Maybe you might need some companionship. Maybe you might need some connection. Maybe you might want some sex Sure casual relationships can offer that experience But a deeply committed relationship If you really want to experience that then it's going to require Someone in the relationship to lead the emotional capacity of that relationship This is one of the reasons why I listen you may not want to be married again Or get married But you might want to read this book the seven principles of making marriage work So you can understand the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship and more importantly To really by the way, let me just say this I am getting email after email after email from women saying jonathan. Thank you so much For suggesting that I read these books with the person I'm in relationship with Most of you know my rhetoric before the penis goes inside the vagina. You should be reading the book Eight dates by doctors jon and julie gotman. This is a great setup at least chapter one read it together So you can actually set yourself up For success instead of I you know, it's interesting. I was listening to a dating coach Today their philosophy is simply spend six weeks with a guy to determine if he's a fit for you And if he's not a fit if he's not boyfriend material move on well Six weeks is a lot of time to invest your heart to someone only to have it just have that person You know Ghost disappear move on it's not a fit and if you do this over and over and over again Let me tell you what happens Dating triggers the number one emotional health issue we are facing today and that is I'm not good enough I'm not lovable and I'm not likable I'm here to encourage that you take charge of your life By being more proactive by being intentional That doesn't mean you have to do this on the first date per se But why not on the telephone do what the indian matchmaker does and vet this person So that if you are a track a fit from an attraction perspective you have a greater chance for success And ultimately for that deep juicy delicious love to happen Emotional intimacy must become the foundation of the relationship So you can actually lean into Something that I experienced this weekend with these other couples is for men deeply in love with their partners and I can tell you that I can't imagine these relationships will ever suffer Like many of us have suffered in the past is this sinking in is this resonating with you? Please let me know Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel All right, I think this would be a great place to start our q&a for the evening Those of you know my format know if you have a question to ask me if you're following on the live stream right now Or if you're listening to the recording Well, actually you can only do this if you're on the live stream If you have a question write the word question post the question thereafter Or purchase a super sticker super chat There's a little dollar sign in the chat box. And if you're watching the replay, there's a super. Thanks All of the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Conor Asley That's him right there That's my son who passed away a few years ago And in his honor I donate to causes like the Hoffman process and insight seminars Just to name a few and we've given out. I think in the last year over 35 hundred dollars from all your dollar two dollar five dollar super stickers, so thank you so much for that All right, let's start with q&a if you have a question post the question and we're going to jump in today um Let's see cc said are there any books on pouring aside from the attachment style book I'm not familiar with the term pouring, but I will definitely say that the book attached by Where is the book attached? Oh Where did I put the book? Oh, I got to find it somewhere I must have the book somewhere out, but I'm not familiar with that. So thank you so much Can you elaborate on that so I can get a chance to understand it better? Thank you so much All right, let's see Let's see Jane says misogynistic amen Jonathan. Thank you so much for that. I appreciate Alexa says thank you. Thank you so much All right, if you have a question there we go question We give Jonathan we give men who don't deserve it too much credit for the things they haven't earned Um, I don't understand the question, but I will agree that women oftentimes give credit to men who don't deserve it That's absolutely true By the way, I'm looking for it Hmm. Oh, it's on my desk over there. I was reading it earlier Ah, again, if you have a question right. Oh, here we go. Let's see. You have a question write the word question And then post the question thereafter. It makes it easier for me to find or purchase a super stick or super chat Um okay Let's see Cecilia says I have a great relationship now but shouldn't shouldn't I try to understand why In ghosting involves the addictive compulsive of pouring like emails almost every day Um, I think if I'm understanding your question correctly because I'm not familiar with that term I mean new terms come out every day Oops new terms come out every day um Listen When a man feels a connection a You know and a sexual desire for a person They might want that person and yet the same time they may not be capable of true commitment If a man isn't capable of commitment, but he wants that companionship connection and sex He might pour a lot of affection a lot attention to a person And then pull back because he doesn't want to make doesn't want to create a situation where she believes There's something greater to the relationship than what's currently Being offered at that time. So it's not uncommon that men come on pull back come on pull back come on pull back Because quite frankly they haven't made up in their mind that they want commitment ladies This is why again read the book the first chapter of the book eight dates about trust and commitment Before that penis ever gets to go inside that vagina Because let me tell you something whether I i'm sorry to break it down this way But on some level your power lies in the sense that man really if you're if he's only Seeking sex with you and you you hold off the sexual piece That that power you have not to give into the sex And not give into the physical aspect of the relationship most guys will disappear rather quickly So the power you have is to hold off That power within you to hold off Falling into the sexual piece to determine if he's a legit guy ladies It takes about a hundred hours of face to face time just to build the first layer of trust in a relationship The first layer of trust now i'm not saying you have to wait a hundred hours to have sex But i'm saying most guys disappear in a very short period of time and by the way today's dating Is so predicated on spending a little time here a little time there and a lot of time on your telephone A lot of it's spent on text messaging and telephone calls and very little face to face time and trust is built Through social activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills Both in your personal and professional life that is where deep intimacy is built And if you want that kind of love I talked about in the beginning of this broadcast Then it's going to require emotional intimacy to get there and emotional intimacy is not built over the telephone Is this sinking in please let me know All right, let's keep going here Um Let's keep going. Let's keep going question Question here we go Blanca Bianca question It is when men don't understand what they should have it is not the right time yet in a relationship It is I don't folks if you're going to ask me a question don't make a statement I can't respond to a statement like well, I can respond to a statement But if you have a question post it in the form of a question that helps me a lot easier To determine what you are trying to accomplish here. So again post a question there Um Oh, here's Lindy says Lindy says question. How do I unattach from a man who's a spender and I want more? Has anyone ever seen the air listen to the ariana grande song next? Listen folks. I don't understand why detaching from someone is so difficult. You literally Send the message saying thank you for your time. I'm moving on to another relationship Now that's not easy when we are attached to a person. Yes, I get that when we're chemically attached when we're emotionally attached This is why read the book attached by emeer Levine and rachel heller So you can understand attachment styles, but the best way the best way is called turkey When I say the best way that's the hardest way, but it's still the best way block the person And the relationship move on block the person um And it's sometimes as simple as the the hardest thing to do is to just say no and move on That's my invitation for you anyway um Oh pixie says About a month ago. I donated your book after I read it to To a lending library and last night on my walk I came across another lending library and found the book if the buda dated a great book is if the buda dated I highly recommend that book everyone right here If the buda dated by the way, all the books I recommend are in the in the description of this video below So definitely check that out. Hey, Cecilia. I want to thank you for the 20 dollar super sticker. I really appreciate it Thank you so much. Oh you go on to say you're an amazing person jonathan. Thank you so much. I appreciate that All right jade writes question First of all, thank you j a really appreciate your lives How to straddle the thin line between not falling in love into the sexual piece without pushing away a guy so much He may look otherwise How to straddle the thin line of not falling into the sexual piece You know, I think sometimes Keeping yourself in environments where it doesn't lend you to becoming physical with a guy so a Maybe not too much alcohol when going out on a date Definitely don't go back to his hotel room or go back to his home If you've gone to a date or when I say go back to his hotel room or going to a hotel room Finding yourself in more daytime casual experiences Create has a less likelihood of finding yourself in sexual situations When you meet in the daytime sometimes I used to have breakfast dates I thought I love breakfast dates meeting someone at the beach and having breakfast dates So those are just a couple examples of what you could do, but jade. Thank you so much for that question And thank you for saying he's amazing. I really appreciate it All right, it looks like we have a bashful group tonight So if we don't have too many questions, we're going to wrap up rather early this evening Again, if you have a question for me, write the word question and post the question thereafter We'll give it a second. Oh, if you have anything you want to ask about my sweetheart and I more than welcome I'm more than happy to share a bit about our relationship to the group So if you have a personal question to ask for me, write that as well a personal question Okay, looks like Bianca has another question Jonathan, sorry about that. Jonathan. Why do men feel they can lead the relationship? When he is rushing things in the beginning, even if it's not sexual Well, men have been traditionally conditioned to lead the relationship. So it's not like we we have been so that's following programming Also, men tend to be the provider protectors in the relationship So the financial cons like ladies can ask men out on dates Pay for dates women can take the initiative all they want It only turns off a weak pussy guy Is only is turned off by a woman who takes the initiative A man with a tiny penis is the one who gets offended by a woman who takes the initiative If it offends some man's masculinity because a woman says hey I'd like to take you out on a date because I think you're an interesting guy This guy's got the tiny little penis the size of his pinky Don't get so upset. I would never get all bent out of shape or twisted For some guy because you took the initiative. That's my invitation for anyway. Thank you so much for that one. I really appreciate it okay um Let's see pixie dust says question I'm waiting until I get my physical self to a healthier state before I begin dating again My opinion is that if a guy is interested in me while I'm unhealthy, it would be a red flag. Is it? well if it depends on what unhealthy means are we talking about physical health in other words, particularly related to weight Or are we talking about maybe a heart condition? Maybe um Maybe a a female condition something like that. Um And and certainly there are men who are out there that are are more caretaker type personalities But I think every man appreciates a healthy woman Certainly men who have a severe caretaker personality might want damaged women That's certainly a possibility, but those men tend to be the exception and not the rule So I wouldn't be too I wouldn't be too concerned about that All right, so I think that's a great question and Listen, my life my philosophy is get busy living or get busy dying lean into love The sooner you better you can All right, debber writes question. Why is he silent after I said I'll come see you this weekend? um Because he genuinely is not Capable of a serious relationship most likely and because of that the minute you make effort It scares him He's a pussy You really want to be with a man who's a pussy? I'm sorry. I'm using that term. It might offend some people He's a wimp. He's a simp He's a weak man If you get offended because you want to spend time with him unless he has a legitimate reason To not I mean if he has a legitimate reason why he's not capable of seeing you That's one thing if he gets scared out of fear in relationship. Don't ladies I was in this group this men's group. I saw Three other men who are absolutely Leaning into partnership leaning into commitment leaning into love being vulnerable being authentic being transparent These are men whose actions match their words They have victor consciousness not victim consciousness They know how to what I call fight fair meaning they know how to listen to their partner's point of view That acknowledge their partner's point of view and accept that partner's point of view is being true for them They have empathy and empathy isn't just I can feel your feelings empathy as I genuinely care about your Best interest in your feelings and more importantly you care about your own feelings and lastly these men Have transparency in their life if they are not Ready for serious commitment. They're upfront about it Those are the men worth investing time and if you need some help finding those guys schedule a discovery call with me There's a link below in the description Deborah, uh, thank you so much for that question All right Tiger I don't see your question If you have a question Can you write the word question and post the question thereafter or purchase a super sticker super chat? I'll make it easier for me to find I have not seen your question Okay, let's see here bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum Didi who cheats more men or women? Well from what I understand is women now are right up there with men on the physical cheating Women tend to have more emotional sex with men and men tend to have more physical sex with women But I think women are now right up there or close to the numbers or the relatively close to one other At least that's what I've heard all right Cecilia says Question in your relationship. Is there a book you love going to? That is not for daters. I like saving your marriage before it starts Um, well my girl, you know what? I think if you were talking about my relationship My girlfriend introduced me to this book making your second marriage a first class success This is a fascinating book. I'm really enjoying reading this So folks I highly for those of us in midlife That's after baby making years and before retirement roughly 75 of us are divorced I highly recommend checking out this book as the mechanics to building a healthy happy relationship with a partner So my girlfriend turned me on to that book. So thank you so much Let's see question Does jonathan have an opinion on long distance in relation for those who haven't okay Well, folks, most of you know that my sweetheart, there's a picture of her right there We met on a dating site. Uh, she emailed me first. She lived in chicago at the time And she said she grew up in los angeles and she has family here And so we engaged in a conversation, but I didn't take it too seriously because she lived far away so, um So we you know exchange phone numbers. We exchange facebook page, you know information We kept in touch for about a year a couple because of covet, you know sometimes I think we reached out to each other because we're lonely and wanted some attention but Um, she lived too far away for me to consider it Now she came to los angeles twice and like a dick. I blew her off both times I was going through my own shit at the time Each time she came to visit. So it turns out that we began our relationship when I went out to chicago to to officiate a wedding And we met while I was there and we saw each other two separate times the first night I flew in and then she joined me at the wedding And then a few weeks later she flew out to los angeles to spend some time with her daughter and her son and a few other friends Because she grew up here and then we got together for four days And in these four days, I had a magical experience with this person And it wasn't just because of the physical component of it. I really began appreciating who this person was Or is I should say And we decided that we would commit to exploring a relationship together And what that would look like so we had a game plan of how we would travel back and forth to one another and more importantly How we would take this distance from long to short And actually we rather quickly because we spent we our first time she came to visit me We spent four days the next time she spent 12 days the next time she spent 18 days Which included a trip to mexico. I went to visit her for four or five days I visited her for three weeks and then we actually chose to move in together And she moved out. He's she she load up the truck to move to bever lee so to speak We actually now live together and this is all within six months of physically meeting each other However, we knew each other for over a year. So it didn't feel like we were total strangers You know, it's interesting I'm watching a lot of reality tv one in particular's love is blind as well as married at first sight And one of the interesting facets is that these couples are joining together rather quickly and living together in these dynamics And why i'm bringing this up is the reality is folks is you don't really get to know someone until you live with them And when I think of the three other couples that were uh at the workshop two of them They moved in with their partners less than six months of knowing them I think you really don't get to know another human being until you live with them and and interesting enough We've gotten through our first month her and I We're learning our little bit of our differences Thankfully, we have agreeable personalities, but more importantly We are fully committed to making this work. So in a long distance relationship. I'm here to say If two people aren't committed to the idea of living together or some sort of partnership Fully committed to it right from the get-go It's rather problematic And it requires a lot of magic fairy dust to hope that it might work out and that's my opinion on that So thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it all right Let's see Let's go swim and here's Anita question after 12 years Got dumped for a bartender at a bar. He's going to be 30 years old Her husband was a patron and died 10 years ago. Now. He's been crying on her shoulder and said he fell in love with her once uh And then the follow-up is five months honeymoon. How to handle This is too complicated of a question when you say how to handle Handle yourself handle your emotions. I would do a deep dive into self love is how I would handle it. That's my recommendation All right. Oh tiger finally your question jonathan Do you think I should text a man I've been with for seven years? He pays my whole life and provider man. I called him a loser in the morning because he didn't want to give me my allowance How would you feel if he called you a loser? How would that feel? Of course, you should want to apologize and to apologize first off. Let me get the book Okay, I'm gonna get the book chatting or cheating. This is written by my dear friend dr. Sherry Myers actually She was one of the couples at the workshop. I want to go to apology Where is apology how to give an apology? I want to read this to you all because this is critically important If you're going to apologize Bump bump bump bump bump apology Ah Where's apology? Here we go page 103 and uh 101 and 103 Bear with me everyone the four r's to an apology I'm gonna read them to you Recognize and acknowledge the pain you have caused Express regret and remorse about what you've done and the pain it caused Take responsibility for your actions and express your desire to reconcile remedy and make restitution Those are the four r's to an apology That would be my recommendation to you based on what you shared. I think it's not cool to call someone a loser If they've been a provider in your life. Um, and so that would be my recommendation Good luck with that tiger. I hope it works out Jade says officiate. Yes, that was cool. I officiated the wedding and I got my girlfriend showed up at the wedding So that was cool Um, Cecilia says wow, that's a great answer. Thank you so much Hey, I want to thank linnie for the $7.99 said super sticker big hugs Linda says how do you and your fiance? How do you handle finances with your beloved? well It's kind of interesting because we you know We have we have some friends who live in the complex next door to us and they split every there They they moved in together after six months and they split everything 50 50 and in our dynamic I I you know, I happen to be the one who's the the the greater breadwinner And to make this work for both of us. I agree to take on more of the financial responsibility but what's interesting is we both come to the table with a fair amount of Of assets in our lives, you know Because we are you know getting close to being senior citizens And she's retired. So we just take turns on things, you know, like I mean like we don't even think about it Like sometimes no, it's you know, like she just you know Puts her credit card in the slot and when we're buying groceries or I take care of something else And when it's travel, we kind of you know, we we take care of our share so to speak And sometimes if I want first-class tickets or something like that I cover the difference um, we don't we I believe We trust each other enough And we respect each other enough And we we know where each other's coming from that we both view it as a partnership And it's like I mean, yes, we thought about putting all the money in the pot and then drawing from the pot But you know these days it's just like, you know, she'll take care of some things I take care of some things. I tend to take care of more of it But she's an absolute contributor I love that, you know, like we actually went to the store last night and she just she Pulled out her credit card and put it in the machine at the grocery store And you know, we don't get into pissing matches over that that's because we did have serious conversations about money And I will tell you one of the chapters in the book eight dates. You should definitely read um chapter two um Excuse me Chapter four right there chapter four the cost of love work and money We you know, we basically followed the script from this book As the template for our relationship and we talked about this So now it's like not even a big deal And I you know, I don't even think we've ever had a fight about money Because we come at it from a place of mutual generosity I I love how we don't get into this is why coming back to the book Where did I put it if the buda dated what I love about the book of the buda dated It throws out the bullshit gender rhetoric of how things were in the past And it says how can we generate a relationship from a heart-centered place? I highly recommend reading this book for yourself because I'm here to suggest throwing out the bullshit Gender expectations and say how can we show up as grown-ups? This is why folks if you're not familiar with my dating vow, here's a copy of it I highly read by the way. This is something my girlfriend. I did before we Agreed to a fully committed relationship We agreed to the dating vows and it says I agree to explore the process of getting to each person says this to each other I agree to the process explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious within the next three to six months I agree to be monogamous sexually while we have regular sex together I agree not to actively seek and meet date others while we're in the dating process include taking down our dating profiles I agree to speak up if there isn't if something isn't working versus pulling back ghosting or disappearing and lastly I agree to invest regular time in the process to getting to know you Which looks like spending three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest spending time With family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in our personal and professional life Intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy at that leads either moving in together getting married folks Before you have regular sex with a guy Get on the same page of what you want, but Jonathan that's going to scare men away Yeah, 90% of guys will get scared by this because those guys aren't ready for a fully committed relationship And they're not capable of it and they're not serious about it So do you want to spend time with the wrong guys or weed out the men? Folks I want you to invite in a beautiful relationship in your life As if it has already happened god universe spirit I'm in a juicy delicious relationship where we have amazing chemistry with one another And our communication is off the charts and we can banter together for hours and hours at a time Because we communicate with each other. We're like we're best friends with one another And our lifestyles are in a capacity to blend with one another and we share the same values Which builds the deep roots of trust? God universe spirit. I'm experiencing this right now Ah build it and they will come Okay, I did one of my rabbit squirrels there. So thank you so much Uh, thank you for that question. Linda. I appreciate it Uh question when a man constantly talks about his ex does that mean he is not healed? Oh, yeah People that ramble on about their past relationships going on and on and on and on and on and on Yeah, they have residue Now some people that doesn't that isn't going to completely block them But believe me who the fuck wants to hear about their past relationships over and over and over again It gets boring, but it gets exhausting. It gets exhausting So choose people that have healed or at least are healing from their past relationships Thank you so much for that question. Lenny. I appreciate it Stephanie says nice blazer. Thank you so much. I appreciate it Oh pixie does says I moved in with my ex two weeks after our first date lol Even though he's my ex. We're still extremely close. No regrets. See You don't get to know a person until you actually live with them Okay Oh tiger now says he ignored you for three weeks. Well, that sucks um And you said thank you for reading us to you're very welcome. Um, listen You you had an opportunity to send a heartfelt message of of of How you felt over his dismissal for you by calling him a loser you matched his energy I would then now lead by example and give some sort of apology to open the door To having a conversation that's my invitation, but someone who disappears for three weeks oftentimes They're just not that into you Enough to be a respectful human being in relationship They're not into enough to treat you with respect as another human being at least that's my perception Debbie says that's exactly how it should be respectful exactly. Thank you. Hey, Amy Thank you for the dollar nine nine super sticker. Thank connor asley. Thank you so much Mary Ann says question Is there anything that you've learned about yourself through the process of getting to know your new girlfriend and now moving in with her You might have realized before Hmm That's a really great question. In fact, um I had a situation happen last week So i'm noticing I well, I've already always known this but I have high anxiety When problems arise Now I am a basket case. Um, and which is probably not very masculine out there Thankfully my girlfriend has a capacity to handle crisis with a lot more ease and comfort So when I'm in my anxiety, it's usually because A problem can't be solved and if a problem can't be solved. I feel out of control. This is because my father Um, this is a pattern that happened in my life because my father would go out of control when there was a problem And I grew up with immigrant parents Who weren't familiar with united states culture. So it was very problematic for my father and that bled on to me What I'm also noticing is I take a doubt on her a little bit and I feel like shit and Sometimes I don't realize it in the moment. And so we had a conversation about this right before the workshop I said honey You've noticed that I have a capacity going anxiety and I appreciate your strength and being able to hold space What you'll my Most likely notice is that I will probably apologize within 10 minutes or an hour Of when I act like a pure jackass And and I'm doing I'm working on doing a better job at this And I appreciate that you hold that space of strength when I'm going completely Lala or not lala, but just uh schizophrenic in that moment. So yes, I am I believe relationships are also part of our healing process And one of the things I appreciated most that happened this weekend was That makes me cry now She said maybe for the first time in her life. She feels safe with someone And that brings that melts my heart Because I I hope I show up as a strong partner to her Because she shows up as such a beautiful loving compassionate partner towards me and When a man cries as I started this broadcast out when he's experiencing emotional intimacy crying is just a melting of the heart And so It's that man's capacity to put someone as a priority to be able to be vulnerable authentic and transparent and more importantly When two people can find that emotional intimacy one another You'll find yourself and him falling deeply in love with each other All right, I think this will be a good place to wrap up this content today First off folks, I want to thank you so much for the comments. I really appreciate it If you've if you found value in this video, please hit the like button Please share this with your friends. Please subscribe to my channel in the description below You can schedule a discovery call with me. You can purchase the books join me on instagram Or join my membership group called midlife love mastery All right, uh, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic jotham barack of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone a pet teddy bear or pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank oh who are we gonna? Oh my god so much amy and valerie and envy and sicilian pixie dust um and pamela and uh, bianca and alaina Corny cob, uh, ladera bianca everyone. Thank you. Jane. Thank my uh Thank you all so much wishing you a fab evening. Be well by now And my girlfriend did not pick out my