 There was a big issue personally that I had with my mother and it's the fact that I kind of feel like in certain in certain way she raised me up to be her son rather than her daughter. I just feel like a lot of things were my responsibility. And I just I wasn't making the connection to why there was so much chaos in my life and why I didn't have anybody that I wanted to reciprocate the love that I felt like I gave out. I also didn't understand that I wasn't really giving out love to the guys that I was dealing with or dating or talking to. I didn't understand that you have to be really really careful about how you talk to guys, how you talk to men because I was the type where I just let anything fly out my mouth especially when I'm mad. When I'm mad like it's up anything come out my mouth but I feel like all of those things just kind of are combined in the whole inner work thing that the Manisphere taught me like you got to do the inner work and I don't want to sit here like I'm a finished product. I still have a lot of work to do but from where I was I think I've changed quite a bit and I'm moving in the right direction to where now if I get another Steve in my life, he's gonna make me. Okay let's let's talk a little bit about because what I try to do and you know a lot of people ask me like how do you have so much patience and the reason I have so much patience is because I have a lot of grace and I try to understand the origin stories that lead people to become villains right and other people's lives. Well as much as you want to give right what is it that you feel like turns you could even speak generally women into who you were that ran off Steve. I might have to personalize it this time. Like I said as much as little as you want to give. Oh man well I think it goes without saying that we don't talk enough about how single fatherhood affects us. Maybe that should have been my answer for what the minister taught me the most because hmm like you just don't understand how how much you lose from not having both parents in your house and it's just like your mom can only do so much for you and in my situation even even my mom didn't have her dad like that so yeah you know he like she knew him and she see him now and then but it wasn't like you know very in the say in the household living with her and everything's kind of like a holiday dad like I said you know you only see every now and then well I have holiday dad she had more like a weekend dad he was a little bit more you know present in her life but you're not gonna know how to how to deal with a man and then in my instance I have a dad I have my grandfather had died before I was born on my father's side didn't have my father I don't have a very big family so I didn't have like a whole bunch of uncles or anything so I didn't really get a lot of male interactions in my youth so you know it's just it's difficult like you don't you don't really know how to do anything outside of welcome and cook on like and these are things that I'm still learning but I've gotten a lot farther along than I was you just missed you don't know how to deal with the man you don't know how to respect the man you don't know how to communicate with that man you don't know about their needs or y'all's needs and y'all's emotions and you know your feelings and it kind of like sets you up to be selfish because all you understand is your point of view all you know is everything from the woman side and I think in some instances it can even maybe like cause disdain for men a little bit too you might feel like all men are one way or you might feel like all men are like your dad like I know I had it real bad still to this day the belief that men are selfish I know obviously now that that's not true for all men you know but I believe that heavy like a lot of men just are just selfish innately and self-serving so that's a negative side effect of it and then it leaves you unprotected to the world too which is really bad because that's how you continue the cycle so in my mom's instance Jesus Christ don't case so she didn't have her dad so my father was much older than her when he got her pregnant he got her pregnant her teens and he was like 29 I think only the only reason he was even able to get close to her was because she had nobody to protect her and that's like that's just so explain it to her like that just goes without saying and it is just it happens to so many girls that they don't have anybody not even just to protect them but in that way but to say for instance you meet a guy that's not a predator but he may have other issues you don't really know how to vet that guy because you never had a guy to learn from or to watch or to vet your him yourself himself so there's just so many ways they can go back and so many ways that not having a dad just negatively affects you let's say one day you have a daughter Jiggly Junior hopefully not but what are some things that you will make sure to do not do provide for not provide for to make sure she doesn't inherit some of the same generational trauma that a lot of our women have because of this cycle well I definitely just would try my hardest to be married before I have a kid God willing if it doesn't work out that way I'll at least try to make sure that I have made a kid with a guy that has integrity and morals within himself to the point where he wouldn't abandon his responsibility and his kid and you mean like how would I maybe like raise her up in ways that we could like in the cycle so basically I'm asking like what do you think you needed that you didn't get show ever that for sure that's not that's a non-negotiable but things that I would try to do differently I would try to raise her with more structure on this come into me it's coming to me take your time take your time there's no rush here take your time I'll erase her with more structure I probably try to have her around better influences than I was around and that's no shade to anybody in my life there was a big issue personally that I have with my mother and it's the fact that I kind of feel like in certain in certain way she raised me up to be her son rather than her daughter I just feel like a lot of things were my responsibility and I mean like in childhood I mean as I you know kept into my late teens and as I got older like I was working and paying some rebuilds and stuff and like helping her out in ways that kind of hindered me that's also one of the reasons why I went to college a little later is because I wanted to work and also help support my family so I definitely would not would never put any of my kids through that male or female I would want to set them up in positions to where they have no choice but to be successful and I will also try to nurture their natural gifts or their natural talents the things that they gravitate towards to kind of push it in their heads to go for a life that's that you can feel good about but also that you can fulfill your passion you know your calling what you meant to do but for sure I would say the number one thing is they got to have the other half of them because I just think it causes so much confusion when you don't but there's some I don't even since we me and my father weren't close I don't even know that side of my family like I don't even know I have so many cousins in Savannah that I don't know I've never met because he wasn't there like you didn't bring me around him so very big ones just making sure that they understood they know who they are and they know their identity and that it comes from both sides because I think like that I'm probably gonna make mistakes too you know but I think if I can at least secure them that they'll at least have more than what I had and I think in my mother's situation she only did the best that she knew how to do and she tried to put me in positions where I could be better off than even she was so we've made a little progress I mean she was an 18 year old single mother I haven't had any kids yet so already there's a little bit of progress so hopefully we can just keep the ball rolling and just learn from what the previous woman did like I know my mother learned from her mother it was actually addicted to drugs so that's why she was left unprotected and you know so many things happened to her but we can just make a little splash in the puddle every generation eventually we're gonna get back right hopefully that's the one thing that keeps me going and gives me hope