 All right everyone welcome to day three of the 21 convention the men's conference of The century now everyone's all set. This is the very first speech of day three and we're getting right into things It will help wake you up this next man. That's coming to the stage He is going to help you turn up the volume on your communication. Please welcome your charisma coach Marcus Oki Good morning, everyone 21 convention. I'm still trying to work out why it's 21 convention I was thinking maybe it's because it's in the Fibonacci sequence of numbers, you know You got 21 and then maybe that's maybe the 21 convention is everything you wish you'd known when you were 21 I'm glad we did it at 21 and not 55 because that would be not as good Don't squat with so much weight my knees are killing me. I wish I'd known that or what's the next number? 89 Why yes taking my false teeth out does have more than one use But here we are 21 convention everything I'm going to tell you now is all the stuff I wish I'd known when I was 21 and what better way to start the day off than breakfast See for me, I teach charisma and people don't really understand. What is charisma? What's it all about? Well, my definition is it's the ability to affect the emotions of the people you speak to In a way that wouldn't have been felt had you not been there in the first place So in other words, it's making people fill an emotion now, hopefully This breakfast that I bought to the table might be able to demonstrate that so quick question for you What is this? It's an orange. Okay? This is yours in one moment sir. Thank you for stepping up What wow? It gets better. Um So if we squeeze this orange, what comes out orange juice, why? Because it's an orange. Yeah, full of vitamin C. Goodness orange juice comes out an orange Just like when you speak to people The emotion that comes out of you Tells them what's going on. Now if I squeeze this and put it in a glass on the table I'm pretty sure anyone watching could say I'm reasonably confident. That's orange juice in that glass. Would you agree? Maybe a few people might say well hang on. Maybe it's mango juice But the majority of us would think yep Orange juice comes out the orange that looks like orange juice and the emotions coming out of you as you talk to people Tell people what's going on because we know that juice has come out the orange. Oh almost goes head We know the juice is coming out the orange is from an orange So whatever emotions coming out of us tells people what's going on inside of us to speak as we speak to them It's kind of like Almost a tell-tale sign So the ability to change the emotions of the people you speak to is everything You can talk to people with no emotion And they will not fill in emotion either or you can talk to people with lots of emotion And maybe they will fill that emotion If I want somebody to feel an emotion The very best chance I've got of doing that Not the only chance, but the very best chance. I think It's to fill the emotion first myself in other words. It's to go first. It's to fill that emotion and hopefully It'll come out and affect them So If we look back at the charismatic leaders throughout of history People say, you know you teach charisma. What about Hitler? I have to confront that Hitler was a very charismatic guy Very charming. You see the thing is Two worlds exist There's the world around you and There's the world inside your mind two different worlds and The world around you can affect what goes on in your mind and your mind Can affect the world around you? So if you take a look at the room at the moment find something in the room you're in Whatever you're looking at Was probably designed by somebody who probably started off as an idea in their head and was brought out of their mind Into the world Does that make sense? So all the great bridges space stations space rockets even That glass on the table Started as an idea and someone took action and made it real So the emotions that are in your mind Also get transmitted into the world around you Hitler's ideas Became part of the world around us now his idea started I'm sure in his head in his own mind It's very positive. You know, I'm gonna make Europe a utopia The trouble is he was a nutcase and He didn't make Europe a utopia in his mind. He did he projected it out into the world But unfortunately it affected everyone else in the world as well And this is the point I'm trying to make here What we put out into the world affects other people what other people put out into the world affects you So for me everyone watching this you're the world around me just as to you I'm the world around you. It's the people that have control of what's going on in their own mind They're able to put a motion out there and change the world around them stronger than others What I mean by this is if I talk to somebody and I make them fill in the motion I'm changing how they feel about themselves as You all do when you talk to people if you're happy and you talk to somebody and you put them in a really good mood You make them feel a nice way and that affects their thought process and That thought process being changed affects their mind I Remember when I was younger thinking wouldn't it be cool to be in control of people's minds, you know, I was a kid I was power crazy But we do it to each other all the time All of us affect the people the emotions of the people we speak to So it's just about learning how to do that So I'm gonna start by maybe saying a bit controversial for my my two cents I've worked in the self-development industry for a while now and for me Time and time again I've strongly believed now confidence is bullshit Absolute bullshit now. This is just my opinion and everything I say to you is biased. It's just what I've experienced Because you are your own best teachers Not me not anyone else who gets up on this stage and talks to you You have to figure things out for yourself And this is just what I figured out Hopefully it cut down some of the learning time for you guys Some of it you may completely disagree with fine some of it hopefully you'll agree with great But it's just my two cents So the reason I say confidence is bullshit is this Confidence only really works when you're having success now. I teach people to become better communicators I Wanted to do that because I always had that promise very shy when I was younger I couldn't get up on the stage and speak I'd absolutely poo myself and And I took strides to improve that Now the one thing I found is people were saying well, how can we learn to you know What do we I always run out of things to say that was a thing I always had and I thought well, you know what? Maybe I can fix that so on my website your charisma coach calm I made a book and this book told people how to get brilliant conversations if you like download it check it out It's free Now add some good techniques for example conversations always die When you don't move the conversation into the past or the future if your conversation is in the present moment Game over it will die So what I mean by that is if you see somebody looking at a painting you say hey, that's a really nice painting The person agrees with you and says yeah, it's really nice If that conversation doesn't move into the past or the future it's dead and you just stand they're going Why did I even talk I shouldn't have done that But if we say that's a really nice painting hey, I've got an idea you've got a big jacket We fit it in there. I'll meet you outside. We'll sell it on eBay and divide the profits I've moved the conversation to the future. Of course. I've made it up and it's fun But it's gone somewhere or if I look at the painting and say Damn, I bet that painting took ages to paint. No wonder he cut off his ear It's moved it into the past doesn't have to make sense, but it's moved it somewhere So conversations have to have direction now. That's a very nice technique, but it's bullshit Unless something deep has taken care of first and that is your emotion Because in fact, let's do a little test if you can We'll take your middle finger Okay, and I want you to put it down and all the other fingers up And really kind of you know lock it behind there. I'm gonna demonstrate on this book. I want you to press it down like this Okay, we're gonna do a little test Raise your thumb if you've found talking to more people on your quest for self-development has made you more More refined as a conversationalist, maybe it's improved your skills a little bit. Okay, cool Next question As you've spoken to people and you've maybe practiced Raise your little finger if you've had conversations that are fun Definitely me. I've had a lot of fun conversations All right, almost there When talking to people, I want you to raise your index finger if you've ever shared a good story with a stranger Yeah, I've done that and lastly If you've ever gotten over your anxiety Starting conversations up with people you've never met before Raise your ring finger. Ah I've got a bit of a problem there Well, I couldn't raise my ring finger So that means I've still got it. I've still got that anxiety of talking to people But hang on a minute. I've been doing self-improvement or I've been in this industry for years. Why have I still got it? The answer is because I'm human You're born with a suite of emotions and they're great anger happiness embarrassment Jealously even the bad ones that we kind of try and hide you human. That's the point of being human Rather than trying to block those emotions out rather than trying to build the confidence to overcome them It's not about that. It's about enjoying those emotions when you experience them because in eight years I've never seen one confidence course That works now. Maybe I haven't seen enough confidence courses But I meet people that have been on them and they get to the end and they say yep, that's me Unfixed and about two weeks later after they finish feeling good. They're crap again. They're not right Or they have a spate of feeling really confident for a while and after six months for some reason it just dies Maybe they had enough day. Maybe they spoke to some people and it didn't really work out too. Well, the confidence goes That's because confidence relies on success to work. You have to have a good result a good result a good result If I get a bad result enough times in a row my confidence is going to be shot Now here's the problem. Do you remember what I said about the world around us and the world inside our mind? Can you think of anybody you know Who doesn't have at least one little problem. They're working through in their life That their life is absolutely peachy in every way. There's just nothing wrong. I can't think of anyone The one thing I have learned and I wish I did know when I was 21 Is all the stuff that happens to you in your life all the bullshit just gets replaced with new bullshit You never ever really fix the bullshit problem. You never ever really fix The you know that the stuff that comes in it just gets changed. It just gets replaced And it's that kind of the bullshit when it happens It's how you deal with it that determines who you're going to become as a person You're always being tested like that. It's great. It probably just doesn't feel that way right now So all those people have all got some sort of problem. They're working on I Will never look to those people To pat my back for me. I'll never look to my audience to pat my back for me I'll never look to anyone I meet to pat my back for me because I have no control over how they think or feel about me I have good intentions But I have no control What I mean by that is a story from my father He was a salesman back in the day and he would sell machinery and all the other salesman got together one day And they were talking and he said what's going on? And they were talking about this one prospect who was a complete hard-ass who nobody could sell to and He said you know what I want to have a go and they said no don't they tried to warn him They said he would just tell you to get lost So I'm proud to say my dad being my dad. He gave it a shot He turned up knocked on the door and the guy told him to get lost straight away He said oh, okay. He goes. I'm just gonna go but before I do. What's the matter? He said the matter is you're in my office. You're gonna go out the window if you're not careful My dad said well, I'm leaving anyway, but I've really got to know what's up again the guy told him to get lost But my dad persisted and he said That I'm going anyway either by the window or by the stairs. I'm gonna probably end up in a sling but what's up And the guy told him that relative of his was very sick in hospital and about to die any day So no wonder this guy was angry. No wonder this guy was upset and all the other salesman just thought he was an asshole Maybe he was at that moment But there was all that other stuff going on in his life at the time My dad had no control over that no one does the people you talk to you had no control. What's going on in their life? So for that reason Why base how you feel about yourself? On somebody else's opinion If I hold up my hand like this You guys see my palm. Is that correct? I too see that as well, I guess but You see from this angle and I see from this angle. We both see the same hand But our perspectives are different Our perspectives change our perception of things imagine you're driving along and You hear the familiar sirens of an ambulance behind you it comes right up behind you You think okay, I've got a move so you move out the way and all the other cars move out the way as well And they let the ambulance go by and right behind that ambulance is a Ferrari right up the back of the ambulance Let's use that gap that you've made What do you think about the driver? Any ideas? Arrogant. Yeah, me too when I first heard that but we don't know if that driver Is chasing that ambulance because his wife's dying or been involved in the accident. We don't mean anything So whatever we project onto stuff that happens in the world around us Determines how we look at life And we don't know shit So there's two types of people in life We're calling bananas In fact, let me ask you If I want to find out which banana is the biggest what do I do? Pardon Measure them. How would I measure them? What's a really quick way If I if I held them out like that would that work What about if I put them close together that would probably tell me which is the biggest would that be right? Okay, and It looks like this one's the biggest here you go I just realized throwing a banana it may come back to me. They're kind of boomerang shaped There you go People are sometimes like bananas and I explain why In life We look for other people to see where we fit in the scheme of things And the reason is we all have a sense of belonging We want to know where we fit into the fabric of society And we get that by looking at every other person And looking at how they react to us to tell us if we're cool if we're not cool In fact, let's replace the bananas with diamonds Some diamonds think Hang on a minute. Am I a big diamond? Am I a small diamond? Have I got a crack down me? How do I compare to all the other diamonds? And I said, oh, I can't I'm a little diamond, right That's one type of people The other type Just know their diamonds And people go, hey, are you a big diamond or a small diamond? They just go I'm a diamond Yeah, but are you massive or I'm a diamond In other words, what I'm trying to say is they know who they are They understand who they are They're not looking for everyone else to react to them to say certain things to them to see where they fit in the scheme of things So that's the start Of sorting out what's going in there Because when you sort out what's going on there The emotions you project will be different And that's what affects other people Hitler wouldn't have been able to have risen to the level of power he had had he not been really likeable If he was an asshole, which he's known for being He wouldn't have had that success It's his ability to instill that emotion in people Now if you imagine if you turn up in a Ferrari and a girl sees you driving a Ferrari That might make her fill in a motion She might be very attracted to you But what if it's Enzo Ferrari's great-granddaughter who was born and raised around Ferraris Is she gonna feel the same sort of emotion? Chances are she's probably not Our ability to change everyone else's emotions Is more consistent than the Ferrari So the world around you is chaos You've got no control of that. You've got no control of what people are thinking. You've got no control how they're handling stuff What you do have control over is your reaction to it The only thing you have 100% control over in your life is how you react to things So when I'm in a situation, I'm always thinking whether that's a conversation whether that's an interaction Whether that's doing something crazy. I'm always thinking how can I make this fun? How can I take happiness from this? And the secret is to play In 1913 Eleanor H. Porter wrote a book called Pollyanna And the point of that book was was there's a little girl And her life was all about being grateful for everything that happened to her Now in the story all she wants for Christmas is a dolly Someone screwed up and she got crutches Now that would be okay if her legs were broken But they weren't So she took the crutches And she looked at her dad and her dad in the story is like oh my god this is like very good And she says you know what I'm really grateful because I don't need them So she chose to react Awesomely Every situation Is just a perspective Anything that happens to you from one angle could be rubbish from another angle could be the best thing ever But it's your perspective that determines everything And the way you get that perspective is habit So when I talk to people I always have lots of energy I'm always playing and whenever I go into a conversation I always think this is even going to go really well or it's going to be really fun The reason is because it always is when I look for it If I walk into a conversation thinking this is going to go really well. It's going to be a bit rubbish I'll get one of those responses If you've ever done an exam at school or you've done your driving test You know I my driving test was terrible. I remember getting in the car sitting there and thinking any second now I'm going to fail It was just like This guy with a clipboard just looking at me. I was like oh my god if I get this wrong I've screwed for me It was a black and white result one or zero. I could either succeed or I could fail My advice is get rid of the fail box Cross it out and just write really funny story Because you'll find it A friend of mine has a hundred percent consistency in talking to people and what I mean by that is he always has a good result And I said how did you get that success and he said because every conversation I I've had has always gone really well And I thought well, I'm a charisma coach not every conversation I have goes really well. I screw up all the time So what's he doing? So I studied and I looked And I found out the only thing he was doing Was he was just taking every conversation he had and just thinking that went well that went funny That went great that went funny and it built up a hundred percent consistency So he knew that every conversation he was going to go into was going to go well It was going to be funny. It was going to be awesome. There was no other reaction. There was no other result We've forgotten how to play We grow up and we lose our playful edge when we're kids we problem solve by playing by having fun Remember all that stuff you learned at school when you're in the first few years of school How to talk how to read all the important stuff, you know the basics of maths the stuff that last year your lifetime You did it through playing and then when you get to adult school all the play goes out the window It gets replaced with logic About the age of 12 or 13 you join senior school and you don't play games in the playground anymore You play adult games and you look to people how to act because I remember my first day at school I didn't play you know tag and running around. I was looking at other people thinking Okay, I play football now because that's the dumb thing and if I don't I'm going to stick out like a sore thumb School raises you to be a logical thinker It takes away from your playful creative side and moves you to a logical side And that's great because you need to be logical to problem solve Otherwise, you wouldn't be able to do business. You wouldn't be able to work Let's say you were building a room like this. You're putting the last brick on and you say, oh, you know We finished yet. What's the time and they have a builder goes it's half past your mum You know, I don't know is that kind of is it going to be built or if you order some bricks and you say, right? We need 50 bricks um Like I asked you how many bricks you need you say, uh a billion This place ain't getting built. It's going to be really huge so you need logic To function in the world the trouble is we forget to be playful But it's when we're being playful that we're we're our most emotive that we're connecting with people in the most engaging way when we're having fun People ask me how do I start conversations up with strangers? Sometimes I walk up to them and talk About something I've seen but more often than not it's having fun I was in a coffee shop two days ago and I was in the line and uh, there was a girl and she was buying some some coffee some tea what not And my client said how would you talk to her? And I thought I said where's her to him? I said look what's fun. He said I don't know So I looked at the situation. She just opened her bag and I thought this will be fun I took out a brownie and just stuck it in her bag. I went. Oh my god. I can't believe you're stealing that thus And she went she had an accident from canada or somewhere. She's like, oh my god. What have you done? I'm sorry if canadians don't talk about it, but I said look I said you come over here, right? You think it's one rule for you and one for the natives who live here And we stuck she laughed and she punched me in the arm and we had a conversation and it was fun So if I want to start a conversation with a random person, I'll see how I can make it fun for myself How I can be You know amused by it because I always will find that It's more fun to start a conversation up with somebody in the supermarket not by going Wow, that looks like you've got a lot you're going to cook tonight It's more fun just to throw a banana in their shopping basket You know who just random banana throw a person or as I like to do Take your basket walk up to their basket go I don't be weird or anything, but uh And then just take something out of the basket and put it in your basket Now you have to laugh afterwards A client of mine did that and went and ran off. She was like come back here She did feel an emotion though But that's what I'm getting at if you can make people feel emotions you're different from every other person in the room You get those emotions by feeling them first yourself. Now. Here's why confidence is bullshit Because I have no control of how people are going to react to me. The only control I have is how I react to them It's not about Their reaction to me It's about my reaction to their reaction of me and my reaction is always going to be Frickin awesome You know the other day I was a friend of mine. He said listen. I need some help. Can you put up some shelving? Now I know I'm a charisma coach and I'm talking about shelving bear with me I said, yeah fine. I'll do that shelving job for you And I got his shelves and I took him out the paper and I was shocked They were glass. They were wire Possibly some ufo technology in there as well I just didn't know what to do with it now What I didn't tell him is I'd never put up shelves before and this thing was monstrosity But I thought okay. I'll give it a go because I'm reveling in the challenge play is all about Finding something that's a challenge And knowing you've got the skill to do it Now rather than knowing I had the skill to put up this shelf because I'd never put up a shelf before I just assumed it would be all right. It'd be fun So I was drilling my little holes. I put my shelf up and I tell you what it looked really good On the way home that night. I must admit. I won't lie I was sitting on the train and I was having a little little sort of dream about Oh, those shelves are put up great and I was thinking about them And I thought to myself if I did that again, how would I put the shelves up differently? I thought oh I would drill the holes slightly closer together. So the shelves just sat in some sort of harmony rather than being a little bit skew with He never knew they were the first shelves. I put up sucks to be him And I realized that's the secret of all skill all natural skill that you build Doesn't come from you reading it in a book. It comes from you taking action and it comes from you after every Uh, every challenge you take on whether that's talking to somebody you've never met before Whether it's picking up a tennis ball and hitting across a net something. I've never been able to do But when you get good at anything, it's because you come away from every challenge and you think What went really well then? And you revel in it And what could I do better next time? What could I do better to improve? The reason you ask that question is because you want to improve I wanted to put my shelves up better I tell you what I had a bit of a bit of a fetish going on because I I want to put up shelves all the time now I'm enjoying it so much But yet many people I talk to hate the fact or hate the feeling of going to talk to strangers hate it so much It's because they look at it as a challenge That they don't have the skill for Results are bullshit Confidence is bullshit My favorite word is bullshit When we go and talk to somebody if we have an expectation of what's going to happen If I had an expectation those shelves were going to be brilliant I would have been screwing because I they weren't going they didn't go great. I was drilling holes in all the wrong places Um, it was dust all over my face. It was just a mess But you know the image on the box like you sort of look at the box think that looks good And then you lower it and then the shelf's all like That would have put me off I would have given up because I had that expectation that everything was going to go well Lose the expectations When you played as a kid you didn't have expectations. You just enjoyed Revelling in the challenge you enjoyed the skill you enjoyed taking the risk So when I talk to people I don't look for the end result the end result means nothing Because I could go and talk to somebody and they could smile and they could laugh and I could come away thinking Wow, I did a good job there Or I could go and smile and talk to somebody and they could scow and I go wow I did bad there It doesn't matter. We don't know what sort of day they've been having. I can't base that on who I am as a person so What it really comes down to Is taking action Action is everything There's uh, I think Friedman said um An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory and he's completely right. Here's why So I want to think to myself I'm the greatest conversation is the life Life will listen to me saying that And it will come down on its little cloud and see and say to me right He said you're the greatest conversation is the life. Let's see how good you are now And it put me in positions where I've got to have conversations with people I might be on the tube. I might be on the subway. I might be in the line at the coffee shop Life's putting all these opportunities for me to talk to people If I step up and I take the conversation and I do it and I open my mouth and I go oh I've taken action even though it could have been done better Yes, it could but I took the action and the action gives me a link of chain Every time I take action I get another link of chain Every time I don't take action Chain breaks Don't break the chain So what you need to do is find something you want whether it's to be the best soccer player Whether it's to be able to squat 100 kilograms Whether it's to just have a conversation with that girl in the coffee shop Whatever it is Life will hear you when you want it and it will put you in a position when you can take action The result is meaningless Sometimes you'll get a result that you enjoy You know that girl might smile or she might give you her number You might lift 100 kilograms. That's great. The world patted you on the back then And that's nice when that happens But that's not consistent. You can always pat your own back always That's what keeps you feeling good. That's what keeps you feeling happy And when you're feeling that kind of happiness, that's what comes out when you talk to people Because it's the emotions you make them feel my Four is this the homework I want to give you Oh homework Or the plan of action I would give you is find something That you can play with that sounds a bit rude. No Because we can all do that No, what I was going to say is the next time you're out in a situation and it could be out of this room It could be on the train home tonight. It could be in the bar tonight. It could be anywhere look for Look look at the room and think what could I do that's fun here? What would make me laugh? What would make you laugh? It's not about making other people laugh. It's about making you smile and do it so For me it's being on a train And and realizing I've got a bottle of vodka in my pocket But I've put water in it And I'm thinking okay, this would be fun to see if I can empty this entire train carriage Unscrew the bottle say okay look around I Drink the vodka and put my hands over my eyes and go oh Two people get up and leave good good. This is good so far Thinking okay and behind my face. I'm like How can I how can I get them all to leave start crying? Fall over the person next to you It's just harmless My record is five minutes. So I urge you to give it a go and beat it You see it's not about confidence Confidence is bullshit It's about not giving a damn Now if I could express that and we're lucky we've got video here You can't express this in a book, but not giving a damn really comes down to this. It's like Hey, where's you going to talk to those people and your action is me It's just a feeling of me if you get a good result great if you get a bad result me It's not about going yeah, this is going to go amazing It's bullshit It's about walking up and just dealing with what happens and whatever does happen Know that you can deal with it and make it happy because life's going to throw you that stuff The world around you is going to throw stuff towards you to emotions towards you Got to grab them take them Be able to laugh at them I'm afraid them back A good friend of mine is the next speaker. Can I call Sasha? He taught me a very good one In the coffee shop Look for somebody who's about to take a sandwich. What you do is you walk up Not giving a damn And as they lean for their sandwich and they reach towards it Do your best bruce lee impression And grab the sandwich They will feel shock They will be the most terrifying sandwich they have ever grabbed in their entire life And they'll be in shock and you talk to them straight away and you say do you know what? That's the most terrifying sandwich you'll ever ever buy But it's good news because every sandwich you now buy will be a luxury the food will taste better It will be brilliant And they're like That's extreme, but you're making them fill in emotion. You're different from every other person in the room so to me charisma It's just communicating with emotion now. There's ways to do that It's all about your belief It's knowing who you are. That's the ultimate question Who the heck are you? And even then the answer isn't something you'd maybe have with words I could say my belief in myself who I am is just that I'm cool or I'm awesome It could be but really do I even have to say that it's just about knowing I'm not going to look for evidence around me though Because the world is a chaotic place Just as I looked at my hand and you see this perspective and I see this perspective Everything that happens when I talk to people However, I look at it determines what evidence I take from it So whatever our belief is in ourselves it needs evidence to exist if we don't have that evidence You know if you've ever looked in the mirror and said I'm cool and awesome And then three weeks later, you're not feeling cool and awesome because you've got no evidence for it But the world is too chaotic to get the evidence. I think it's great when it happens and you get that great run And you talk to everyone and they love you and it's brilliant But it's not always going to happen. You're going to have those bad spells as well So it's up to you to create the evidence for yourself by how you interpret the world when it occurs So guess what I'm trying to say is this You're your own best teacher The reason you're you're your own best teacher is the stuff that you find out the problems that you encounter When you find out the solution to them you own that knowledge Everything I found out. I've had to find out pretty much firsthand But it comes part of me because of that In doing so in finding what it is uh, the solutions to your problems In being your own best teacher um You become congruent with it You own that knowledge and that's what causes the change in you. That's what causes us to all develop Life is about learning and growing. It's all the play that I ever do I learn from it and I grow from it and I always enjoy it Conversations for me Aren't stressy. They aren't horrible anxiety occurs I still get it. I love it But rather than trying to blast through it Why would I do that? I'd rather just get addicted to it. So that's exactly what I do If I feel that uncomfortable feeling in my tummy I'm like Awesome I'm gonna revel in it. I'm gonna turn the volume up in it. I'm gonna make it even worse So when I'm drinking that bottle of vodka on the train, that's making my tummy go even worse That's making my toes curl um It's the people that are self-amused To have the most fun the risk is though The fear of looking insane Because you think okay if I act like a kid again if I'm playful if I slide down banisters If I start enjoying myself what are other people gonna think? Doesn't matter what they think Whatever anyone thinks is bullshit. It's what you think so I'm gonna open the floor to questions. You've been a A great audience Any questions? Yes, sir The orange Is what are you listening? The orange is your breakfast what what the orange symbolizes Is the juice that comes out the orange Yeah, and you You have emotions, right? But an orange is an orange. You can be whatever fruit you want to be. That sounds a bit kinky Okay, what's the difference between charisma infuse as and enthusiasm? Uh, I think enthusiasm is reveling in the challenge. I'm thinking you're gonna apply your skill to something You can be enthusiastic picking up a shelf. You can be enthusiastic digging a hole charisma is about interacting with people About being emotionally contagious now enthusiasm does create emotions in yourself and they do rub off But for me my my overall look at charisma is well, there's actually seven parts Isn't that always convenient always seven, but it's your belief your attitude to life Your spontaneity that's not running out of things to say Your charm, which is how you make people feel in your presence your actual presence Also your ability to connect to people and lastly Your conversation skills in terms of rhetoric. So your ability to influence as you speak So I hope that helps so for me enthusiasm is more about if you're going to jump into something So if I see that situation where oh god, there's somebody I can go and talk to Yep, let's give it a go Of course, that's going to carry off some emotion as I go Yes, sir Okay, excellent question. So you're you're saying how can you Start getting evidence for yourself that you're awesome rather than waiting for the world to tell you that you're awesome Again, it comes down to how you look at the world if you want to do it straight away It's It's looking for the best in everything So in the situation I gave in the talk where the Ferrari is pulling along Our perspective generally is who's this guy who's just cut in front of everyone and now he's using the space of the ambulance But if we can be objective and say well, you know what from another perspective it could be that that guy's just in a mad rush and You know, there's no problem at all So a way I look at it is this um Negative emotions are great Everyone says I'll be positive. Yeah positive emotions are awesome as well But you're born with negative emotions for a reason for starters. It's where all humor comes from You know, if we had no negative emotions comedy would be boring as The trick though is to turn the negative stuff when it happens into a positive So the way I love doing that is playing that game from the polyana book It's just thinking that's great because um, for example, I step outside and it starts pouring with rain Oh, that's great. I could do with a shower. I haven't had one for a few days Or let's say something more extreme happens. Let's say I'm unfortunate enough to get my leg blown off Could happen Hopefully not on this stage It would be a bit of a death trap if it would but let's say I lose my leg and I hope I hope I do keep it But if it disappears Oh, well, at least my trousers last twice as long now or do you know what I'm going to have the most convincing pirate impression you've ever seen I just need to lose this for a hook So it's how I interpret the world that keeps me upbeat and happy It's nice when the world pats us on the back. You know, it is But that's all fickle We can have a really nice sports car, but then that can be taken away from us We can have lots of money in the bank and that can disappear The only thing you have any consistency over is your reaction So focus on how you're reacting to the world when it gives you stimulus You know, the world is affecting you And the world around you is affecting you when you feel an emotion to something So if you're stuck in traffic and you feel an emotion, that's the world around you affecting you When you feel that emotion, how are you going to deal with it? How are you going to make that emotion as happy as possible? Can you turn it into a game? Can it be fun? Can it be like, oh, do you know what? I'm late for this meeting, but check me out doing my own thing Turning up the radio Or you can just go oh my god, I'm going to be late for this meeting There's nothing you can do about it All fear exists in the future stuff that hasn't happened yet all sadness exists in the past And all happiness exists right now in this moment. And that's the only thing you own is just the moment Being aware of everything that's going on and enjoying every damn minute of it You'll know if you can do that or not if you can enjoy the moment Go somewhere that's completely boring go to a room with four white walls And sit in there and if you can be happy on your own In that room then you've cracked it you've mastered it Now that I think about it a lot of insane people get put in four walls Wait a minute. There's a bit of correlation. Yes Hey there, what about the the classic kind of charismatic bad boy type character? With you know, sort of being a new reactive and that kind of thing Sure If you're that sort of persona if you're a bit of a bird boy Is that person first of all two questions? Is that person making the person he's speaking to fill in the motion And two is he dealing with the emotions as they come towards him? And I think the answer in both cases is yes. So for example, he knows who he is in the world Doesn't give a damn is just himself My intention is to always try and leave people better off than you meet them But you know he goes in chats to somebody gives the girl butterflies. Maybe and then Um, you know, she gives him a slap. I don't know. It's just unreactive to it So he's deciding how he's going to filter the emotions when they get given to him Yes, sir You mentioned your burk earlier on. What's it called and where can you get it from? Okay, uh, I'm a terrible marketer. So if I was better, I'd be selling that and going and you can buy my 89 dvd Uh set but um, my book is free and it's from my website your charisma coach com And that will tell you all the techniques that I used to become a better conversationist But the emotions are everything conversation and the ability to talk to people. It's a bit like a water slide The flume allows the water to go down the slide, right? And that's the conversation the water itself is the emotion If you've got a slide with no water you get a really sore bum Or If you've got the water and no slide that's called a waterfall So the ability to connect to people you need the conversation to a point because it allows you that That channel of communication the emotion you then put down it is everything Fill that emotion yourself first So guys It's been an absolute pleasure Thank you very much