 Hey Psych2Goers, welcome back to our channel. We wanted to take a moment and be sure that you all know how grateful we are for all of your support. That support is what helps us make psychology and mental health more accessible to everyone. And that's a big deal. So, thank you. And also, give yourselves a pat on the back. Now, let's get into it. According to the American Psychological Association, insecurity is defined as a feeling of inadequacy, lack of self-confidence, and inability to cope, accompanied by general uncertainty and anxiety about one's goals, abilities, or relationships with others. Most of us are acutely aware of our insecurities, but we don't like to talk about them. According to researchers at Cornell University, one reason we don't like to share our insecurities is that it forces us to confront them, and makes it possible for others to remind us of them. Our insecurities can then manifest through subtle signs in our behavior. So, here are six signs someone might be secretly insecure. One, they're a people pleaser. Do you know someone who feels emotionally obligated to help or please others at the expense of their own needs? Insecurity leads itself to people pleasing because they doubt their self-worth and seek external validation from others. But people pleasing can come with a double-edged sword and heighten a person's insecurities when they face rejection from those that they wanted validation from. Two, they turn everything into a competition. Have you ever had a conversation with someone where no matter what you say, they have to one-up you with a better story or accomplishment? This behavior is called narcissistic listening, and it can be a sign of insecurity. A narcissistic listener is someone who doesn't actively listen. They don't ask questions about your stories, acknowledge your points, or give you the opportunity to finish what you have to say. They may feel that your success is a threat to others' perceptions of them and react by trying to keep the conversation focused on their own accomplishments. Number three, they get defensive. Does this person struggle to accept constructive criticism? Do they become defensive when critiqued about their work? People who are insecure most likely struggle with rejection because it takes a hit at their already low self-esteem. Studies have linked anxious attachment, which is a desire for acceptance and approval from others and feelings of insecurity with higher sensitivity to rejection. While defensiveness can be passed off as arrogance, it could really be a sign of insecurity. Number four, they degrade themselves in front of others. Do you know someone who has a habit of putting themselves down in front of others? Although it's easy to label this kind of behavior as attention seeking, they're probably more likely motivated by a need for external validation and approval from others. This is because if they put themselves down before someone else in the group has the opportunity to do so, they have more control over what is said about them. When you deny their self-depreciating claims, then they have the external validation that they need to help combat the negative thoughts swirling around in their head. Number five, they put other people down. Some secretly insecure people put others down to feel better about themselves. They might do this publicly or behind someone's back, or interject passive aggressive statements about someone while you're talking with them. This might take the form of aggressive listening, which is when someone only listens to you to attack you or your points. For example, someone who is insecure about their weight may listen to you excitedly, tell them about the cute dress you bought at your favorite store, and then tell you that you shouldn't waste your money on something that's unflattering on you because you don't have the right body type for it. Number six, they exaggerate events and their accomplishments. According to a study from the psychology department at UC Davis, people who brag about accomplishment may be showing signs of insecurity, especially if they put others down in the process. They may exaggerate their pasts or qualifications because they think the truth is inadequate. Stretching the truth can actually help make an insecure person feel calmer because they have feelings of self-hatred or low self-esteem, and lying creates a persona that they feel more secure in. Before we wrap up this video, we wanted to remind everyone that just because we internalize our insecurities and might not show any of these signs, it doesn't mean our experience isn't valid and that our feelings aren't important. But recognizing that someone is showing signs from this list and maybe acting out of their insecurities rather than their personality is important because it helps build empathy for others. It's also important to remember that while insecurities may motivate people's behaviors on this list, they are still toxic traits that have real consequences and a person's insecurities shouldn't excuse their behavior. Have you ever seen any of these signs of insecurity in yourself or others? Can you think of any other signs? Let us know in the comments below. Please like and share this video if it helped you and you think it could help someone else too. The studies and references used are listed in the description below. 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