 Does it feel like people are always taking advantage of your kind heart? Maybe you clicked on this video because you're tired of always having to be the nice person. You want to be kind, but you're worried that being nice is starting to cost you your mental health. Therapist Robert Tyvey warns that people who are always nice tend to hold in negative emotions, often resulting in depression, anxiety, and addiction. In case you're wondering if this might be you and what you can do about it, keep watching for signs you're too kind for your own good. There's a fine line between being kind and being too kind for your own good. Psychotherapist Sharon Martin explains that people-pleasers cross that line when being generous turns into self-abandonment. Do you ever worry that people will project you if you share your true thoughts and opinions, so you just keep them to yourself and be agreeable. When being kind camouflages your true thoughts or feelings, you can end up abandoning who you really are. Psychotherapist Dr. Beaumont helps give a reason for this behavior, saying Most likely somewhere along the line, you've needed to fit in for your own self-preservation. This part of ourselves is called the adapted child. We adapt to get our needs fulfilled, always saying I'm sorry. Maybe you're the type of person who apologizes for everything and anything. You apologize on asking a question in class or for not understanding something. Maybe you apologize to your friends and family for taking up their time. These are just a few examples of things you shouldn't feel guilty about or apologize for. It's important to ask questions when learning and if someone makes you feel guilty for spending time with them, they aren't your true friends. If you're always saying I'm sorry when you have nothing to be sorry for, this could be a clear sign that you're being too kind according to nurturing minds counseling. It's always yes. Is saying no a foreign concept to you? Maybe even the idea of saying no feels like it would take supernatural strength. Therapist Diana Garcia says that you're being too kind. When you say yes no matter what, even when you don't want to do the request or you don't have the time, energy or resources to take it in, it's important to say no sometimes, especially when it means protecting your inner peace or staying true to yourself. Not everyone's opinion matters. Have you ever stopped pursuing one of your goals because you were worried people would make fun of you? Or are you choosing a life path because it's what the people in your life think you should do but would make you miserable? One of the big signs of people pleasing is thinking everyone's opinions matter equally. You try to make everyone happy all the time without differentiating whose opinions matter most and whose opinions you can dismiss. It says psychotherapist Sharon Martin. Of course there will be times when you will rely on the opinion of others, like when receiving medical advice or getting advice from someone you look up to and feel safe with. But if you don't admire them or they're outright mean to you, their opinion shouldn't matter. But your should. It's not your responsibility. You are not responsible for other people's experiences or feelings, says therapist Diana Garcia. Of course there are circumstances where you may hurt someone's feelings and you need to apologize and take accountability, but if you aren't the cause for their feelings, you shouldn't feel responsible for their emotions or reaction. Do you often take on the blame? Even if what happened has nothing to do with you, have you ever ordered takeout for your friends or family in the restaurant forgot someone's order? Even though you ordered it correctly and it's not your fault, did you keep apologizing to your friends and family, feeling like you ruined that evening and it was all your fault? Psychologist Dr. Legg says that people pleasing involves readiness to take on blame even when what happened has nothing to do with you. Conflict terrifies you. It's impossible to avoid conflict. The only way to avoid conflict is if you suppress your feelings, wants, and needs, says psychotherapist Sharon Martin. The problem with suppressing your feelings is that it doesn't make them go away. Instead, it only makes them grow, which can turn into resentment, passive aggressiveness, and even physical pain. Unhealthy conflict can feel scary. The Sharon explains that conflict doesn't have to involve name-calling, yelling, or threats. In contrast, there can be a healthy conflict where both parties can, respectfully, express their opinions that can result in greater understanding and changes that will ultimately strengthen the relationship. What about you? A common misconception according to nurturing minds counseling is when you don't want to burden or bother anyone, so you do everything yourself. And the problem is it's impossible to do everything yourself. Starting from the time that we're born until old age, there will be times when we need help. It's impossible not to. You can't learn how to ride a bike on your own, or how to drive by yourself, for instance. And you won't be able to build your dream life or your dream home all by yourself. These things require the help of someone else, and usually a community of people. The truth is, everybody needs help in life. It's just part of being human. Does this mean you shouldn't be nice? Not at all. But there's a big difference between being kind, because of your values, versus being kind because you're scared. Robert Tybee explains that being overly kind is less about your values and more a psychological response to protect you from what seems to be a scary world. It's okay to be scared, but it's also important to start showing yourself the kindness you give so freely to others. It's your turn, and it's been your turn for a while. Did you find this video helpful? I know I did. If you did too, please let us know below. Thank you for being here, and we'll see you again real soon.