 Hello and welcome back to the great men do exist video series. I'm here today with Matthew coast Matthew. Welcome Thank you for having me. Thanks so much for being here with us. Really appreciate you coming on the video series here Matthew helps strong independent women attract quality men into committed lasting relationships He's reached over three million women with his advice and it's been featured on dozens of podcasts blogs and summits over the last 11 years He's helped women fix their marriages find their soulmates and get into committed relationships, even when things have seemed hopeless Well, that's just awesome Matt It's exciting it really I love I love doing this work. I love I love, you know helping people I love when I get success stories from women who you know felt like they Like everything was just falling apart like they're giving up on men like they're giving up on dating Like they're giving up on relationships, you know and and having them go and meet a guy that they feel is there, you know soulmate their mister their mr Right and getting into a great relationship. I love everything about it. Yeah, you know actually I'll share a little bit When I first began my love journey years ago. I felt exactly that way I felt completely hopeless like everything else in my life was Fantastic and as a one thing holding me up so I can definitely appreciate, you know that hopeless feeling and getting over it So and so if it's okay, I'll just jump right into some of the questions we have. Yeah, go ahead. Ask away awesome, so one of the things you talk about is How blocks tend to like, you know emotional blocks tend to hold women back from love So what are some typical blocks that you might have? That would prevent you from finding love out there Yeah, so I So back before I was a women's dating coach I was actually a men's dating coach for a number of years and I worked with I worked with tens of thousands of men and With you know, one of the big things that we used to do is is, you know Go we'd go out to bars, you know with these guys and they you know want to meet women there And so we I would I would get I would hire or you know Just bring out some women who would like kind of act like the wing woman, you know She would come out and you know be the Make it easier for a lot of these guys to go and talk to women and You know it's interesting. I had this this one woman that was Working for me like that for a while and it was it was really interesting because she would always complain to me that That guys never hit on her, you know guys never flirt on me guys never hit on me And she was an attractive girl, you know, and so I'm like, you know, I'm a little skeptical, you know That's true. I just you know, it's possible. It's possible. I just don't think it's true, you know And so I was like, okay, let's go to this, you know place and we'll we'll go and check it out and so we went to this club it was down here in Denver where I live and It was one of those clubs where it's like it's like a long line that goes all the way to the back, you know And so and so like we're you know, I marched straight to the back, you know Because I'm like I'm like that's the best way to find out what happens, you know in the situation So I you know, I marched straight to the back and and you know on the way back there She's like she's getting hit on by like every guy in the in the entire place, right? Like every guy in the place is like, you know coming up to her and dancing You're like, hey girl, you know or like come up in trying to talk to her and she's like go away for me screw you You know Get to the other side of the The bar and I'm like I looked at her and I was like It's like I thought you said that guys never hit on you like what's going on and she's like she's like don't And I'm like, oh I see, you know, she had no idea that guys were hitting on her this entire time, you know She because she reinterpreted it, right? So yeah, one of the things about blocks There's there's a thing that I have that I call the goddess formula and it's there's three parts That's a nice ring to it Great great and it's really whenever I talk to women whenever I have any kind of coaching situation And I figure out what's going on with them It's usually one of these three things that's out, right and the one that we're talking about right now is the belief system right system and and What happens is if you have a belief system that says that guys don't hit on you for whatever reason, you know Maybe it's a belief system that says that you're unattractive or that, you know You're not relationship or commitment material or that guys. They're you know, whatever, you know, just They're not interested in you like that You know, what's gonna happen is you're gonna go out and you're gonna experience that in the world regardless of what? Reality is, you know, and so a lot of us men have this too when everybody's got this, right? We have these subconscious things going on that we have no idea We have no idea that it's it's preventing us from experiencing the lives that we want to have It's preventing us from having the relationships from earning the amount of money that we want from having, you know The physical fitness levels that we want to have we have all these, you know Internal this internal turmoil these beliefs that that sabotage our ability to create success in our lives And so, you know, there's there's a lot of those You know, one of one of them is, you know, believing that like all men are like liars or pigs or They don't believing that men don't want commitment It's funny. Sometimes I go out to to bars To talk to like I'll go to like young women's professional meetings and stuff like that It's always entertaining And Why is it entertaining good? Well, cuz so I'll walk in there and and I'll um, you know And I'll start talking to some women, you know, and and I'll tell them that I'm a women's dating coach And whenever I say that I always get this they always like they like it's like the mood like shifts, right? They like look at me and they're like You're working with the wrong people It's men that are the problem not as women. It's men men are the problem, right? And yeah, and like that's That that's a problem, you know, like if you come like imagine you go and meet a guy, right? And it doesn't matter what he says even if he says like the most amazing things to you if you start to like notice Like your beliefs come through your communication regardless of whether you want it to or not, right? And if you believe in inner pigs, sorry, what was that subconsciously? Yeah, exactly subconsciously You know and as a woman, you know, most women are gifted with this power of intuition, right? And as a woman, um, you know, you might sense it from a guy, right? If a guy thinks that women are the problem, right? Or if a guy thinks that women are all liars and women are all cheaters, you know Which is the same problem in the men's dating side as well You're gonna feel that and you're gonna be like, oh, this is there's something that I don't like about this There's something I don't like about this. It's a big red flag And if you have any respect for yourself, you'll get out of that situation and you won't get into a relationship with that guy And and that's um, that's something that happens with guys, too You know if a guy's talking to you and he senses that you don't like men or that you want to change men Or you think that men are bad or you know that Whatever, you know, if you think men are liars and cheaters if You know, there's all kinds of things if you have lots of insecurities about things that that have You know gone in your past and you haven't dealt with that stuff that all comes out in your communication and For a man, it's it's not attractive at all and in many cases it can repel them and push them away Right and I love that you mentioned that because um, if you are attracting men and accepting them You're probably attracting the wrong ones Right and ignoring the ones that are good for you because of where your mindset is at, you know So you're even even if you are attracting in a high quality and you won't be able to keep them for very long Right because they'll they'll figure it out, you know and and not only will they figure it out But your belief systems those blocks that we're talking about right now We'll start coming up for you and you'll start seeing them The the most amazing perfect guy for you in the entire world could show up at your doorstep tomorrow And you know just say all the right things and do all the right things But if if um, you don't have it together, you know, I'm envisioning women thinking like oh, wouldn't that be great? It would be great Ding dong. Yeah, exactly. Um, you know, it doesn't matter I was actually I was dating this woman. Um, a couple years a few years back and uh Um, I just come out of this like transformational workshop thing And I was all like just super pumped about authenticity and honesty and I just you know, like I came to her and I was like, uh, we're like We're down I was living in Tempe, Arizona at the time and we're walking down Tempe town lake and just having a little romantic stroll at night and um, she uh You know, I was telling her about the type of relationship that I wanted and the you know What I wanted to create and like, you know, all the things like, you know that that I wanted it to be like and and uh, You know, she was just like she's like, oh, that's so amazing. That's exactly that's perfect That's exactly what I want to you know, and and then um, you know, I left and the next day I called her And literally overnight, I don't know what happened, but well, I do know what happened her You know beliefs started kicking in and she was like, I don't believe that what you're talking about is real You know, I think you're just trying to mess with me, you know, and all these things started coming out of her mouth I'm like, what are you talking about? It just like it was like the the relationship was like From there because it was you know, um, it just it wasn't gonna work like that You know, she didn't she didn't believe it. She you know, and she she started pulling away You know a lot of women are don't like it when guys pull away. Well women pull away too all the time So she was not she was not trusting you or herself. Yeah, she didn't yeah I mean it's her belief system her way of looking at the world Um, basically told her that what was going on right there was not only not possible But that it was you know, some kind of trick and that um, you know, maybe she couldn't have it Or it's too good to be true or you know, whatever, you know, whatever and That that happens to all of us happens to all of us all the time You know without us even knowing it and then we're like, oh no, he it was bad that he was bad and you know And we start rationalizing it in our mind because that's what we do And uh, yeah Yeah, so as far as the um, the blocks are concerned You know going to the next question here because it relates back to what we're just talking about Um, what are we most likely to like acquire these? You're seeing all the time Um, which you know, I believe is joy also believe that you know at a young age. We're really impressionable Right. So how um, you know, when and how are we likely to acquire these beliefs and like how can we work with that? Yeah, so um So as far as acquiring them, um, it's like so when I was uh, when I grew up I grew up driving a truck, right and I uh, you know Drove a truck a lot in my life. Uh, I joined the military had a About an suv went to iraq drove up armored suvs there and stuff and and I came back from the military and I um went out and bought a Honda Civic And um, you know when I was in a truck it was like, you know, I'm like climbing over things You know, I'm just hitting stuff. I'm like, oh this truck doesn't matter. You know having a little bit more fun there Yeah, I'm going over curves doesn't matter. You know, all of a sudden I'm in a Honda Civic and I'm like bottoming it out I'm like putting big dents in it. It's it's way more difficult to Climb over a curb in a Honda Civic than it is In a big suv just in case you guys wanted to know that And and it's kind of it's the same so The way, uh, so what I had to do was I had to relearn how to drive and I had to relearn how to drive this car Um, because that's the situation that I was in then and it's kind of the same way in our lives You know, we we develop thoughts, you know, I believe that when we're born We are born with the ability to attract The opposite sex into our lives in an amazing way and then we're born, you know, and we Start experiencing life and we start having emotional trauma. We start making meaning out of things we start being you know, uh Learning things from our parents. We're learning things from society. We're learning things from school. We're learning things from you know, the experiences that we have and You know, if you grow up and you feel like you're all alone, right? You feel like your you know parents abandoned you or you feel, you know, whatever and you have to develop a new Way of being so let's say, you know, you did feel like you're alone growing up and you develop this strong Outer shell where you're pushing people away because you know, you're afraid them to get close because you know that You feel like they're going to leave you again. Um You know, you you will end up taking that into relationships when you become adult And so you do relearn how to come to a relationship if you have those things and pretty much everybody has them pretty much Everybody I've ever met in my entire life has been broken up Pretty much everybody I've ever met has you know, some type of emotional trauma and baggage and so You know, the the absolute best way is uh, is is through coaching Right and there's a whole bunch of other things as well but but the best way is is getting in some kind of live environment because You know, we're talking about like rationalizing things earlier. Well, we have an ego, right? we have this kind of way that our mind is and It it feels threatened when when we start when it gets starts getting challenged So it's really difficult to change those beliefs and those insecurities and those things by ourselves Because we live in a bubble and if that gets challenged, we can jump back into the bubble and be like nope I'm here. Don't want to deal with that. You know, we start rationalizing it And no, that's really the way things are in the real world. That's how things are, you know, and and and if we um go into a coaching environment, whether it's like a seminar, whether it's group coaching, whether it's one on one, um There's we're held accountable, right? And so, uh, they might start saying, hey, you know, men really aren't pigs, you know, like Aren't you know trying to screw you over and you'll be like no, no, they are and you're like Well, let's think about this for a minute, you know, and you you can talk through it And they'll they'll help you they'll help you figure out what it is that happened in your past So that you can heal from it, um, you know, there's Yeah, all kinds of stuff like that and uh, um So that's that's the best way. That's the best way I agree. I agree because um Coaching is what changed my life. And then I just, you know, soaked up all these different You know trainings and information like a sponge and got trained myself But when I first began training I very much thought the same way It's very challenging and but mindset is everything You know and your ego has, you know, built up all of this information over time And it's thoroughly convinced that avoiding certain things is going to keep you safe And what it really prevents you from doing is living your life, you know Um, I believe like you said when you're born you have this ability to Be magnetic and it's because we're born as love, which is what we really are at our core is love I believe and so all of these experiences that we have some of them are positive many of them are negative and um You know, unfortunately, it's it's like re-learning the good stuff You know, so it's really strong and unlearning all the crappy stuff You know that we've learned over time and so It's work, but it makes life a whole lot more fun. Well, it makes everything just like yes, everything Everything in your life will be better. I get 100 guaranteed. You're you'll be more successful in whatever business venture you're in You'll um, you'll you'll figure out more, you know, better ways to be healthier. You'll you'll be happier You'll you know, live a more fulfilled life people You'll you'll start attracting more people just in general Everybody will be attracted to you when you like let go of things and just, you know, really embrace what is And it's really really powerful and and to to a guy, you know, when you're talking to a guy that kind of thing you know, there's kind of this talk out there and in The dating space about mystery right creating a mystery about yourself or being mysterious or whatever, you know and and Being mysterious is attractive, you know as a technique where you're, you know, trying to like manipulate a guy by being mysterious That can backfire in your face, but if You know, there's a part of women that are mysterious anyway, right and it's this you know Emotional nurturing, you know, even just somebody who's, you know, accepting and loving, you know, it's most guys rarely Experience that I mean they don't they don't experience that at all. And so when a guy does Meet a woman and she's done some work and she's like, you know, I accept you I accept me. I accept the world. You know, I'm living my life. I love it. You know, it's like Who are you? Yeah, like what's going on? What's going on? It's great. It's beautiful. It's it's attractive. It's irresistible. You know, it's it's amazing Very cool. I'm a big fan of um being vulnerability I believe it creates connection and I love what you said about letting things go and letting things happen because Um, I think what a lot of people don't realize is that when they are closed off on purpose to the bad things They are also closed off completely to all of the good things You know life is going to happen. And if you're closing off to one part, you're closing off to all of it Absolutely That is absolutely true. I mean you gotta you gotta like, um My suggestion and it's scary. It's a very scary thing, you know to talk about this stuff because um Because somebody actually, you know, if you go around the world and you're not vulnerable You're not taking any risk, right? Because because You know, you know that you know, somebody rejects you it's like, well, you know, they didn't really even know me You know, but if you get real and you get vulnerable And um, you know, then rejection seems a lot scarier, you know, whereas But but it's the only way it's the only way that you can have something Because then when you're vulnerable, that's when somebody can actually love you for who you are Whereas, you know, if you just go out there and learn a bunch of Techniques and tactics, it's like, well those techniques and tactics didn't work, you know Techniques and tactics are great initially, but they don't Work to sustain long-lasting love like you might be able to attract somebody great But keeping them is a different story and we definitely want to keep them Yeah, no, you you are, you know, it's funny that you are exactly right You are exactly right. And I'm a big fan of uh, uh, kind of a holistic Outlook on this and you know, there's there's a component to that which is communication, right? And this communication component is, you know, things like, what are you going to say? You know, how are you going to act? You know, what's your body language? How are you dressing? You know, all that kind of stuff and that stuff is very important, you know But if you focus only on that, which is what most people want to focus on, it's just that Like, I can't tell you how many, you know, women come to me and they're like, just Tell me what to say, you know, and I'm like, I'm like, give me a line Yeah, and I'm like, well, I will I will do that. But also, um, I need to help you Uh, you know with the internal stuff because if I don't then it's not gonna last Right, but all that work will be for nothing So, so important. Um, well, I'd love to ask you to, because you do mention it a bit on your site How have your experiences, your personal experiences informed your You know, point of view on the topic Is there anything you'd like to share with us? Personal experiences. Yeah. Yeah, you know, I um, I came from a broken home, you know I grew up in a family. Both my parents have been married three times, you know, like Neither one of them have experienced a particularly good relationship in their lives and you know, like there's been a lot of that kind of stuff in my family and in my life and um, really, you know, this whole thing for me is about, uh Um, helping to change that and helping to transform that right and um You know, I don't I don't want kids to grow up With single moms anymore. I mean, it's it's painful. It's painful for everybody You know, I I believe that there's a better way for men and women to connect with each other, you know and and um We're we're in a new age an age where um Where men and women don't need each other anymore We don't have to we aren't you know put pressured into relationships like we used to be women Don't have to rely on a man to support them anymore. And so in order to be In a great relationship in order to attract a great person into your life You have to be a great person. You know, it's not forced anymore. And so if You want to you know, and hopefully it's the same with Um It's the same with you, you know, meeting a guy Hopefully the guy, you know, you aren't accepting men into your life who aren't great men Um So, uh, you know, it's it's a two-way street, you know, we're learning how to be better people and be in relationships better because Because we want we want something that's that's amazing in that last because you know, I my uh A lot of old people people that are kind of in the generation. That's kind of dying right now Yeah, that I know the world too tight. Yeah. Yeah, I mean they stayed together even if they hated each other Yeah, I mean they would stay it didn't matter. They stayed commitment was commitment. That was it Yeah, now now it's like you can get married at a drive-through, you know get a big mac with your with your marriage, you know And and the forcing is just as easy, you know, and and so Um in an age where we aren't forced to stay together It's like how do we you know, and it's something that we all want How do we create this experience where we want to stay with each other? You know and and that's and that's what this is all about and that's why I'm doing this is because I want I want to change that Absolutely, and I totally agree and I I love that you just brought up, you know kind of two really contrasting examples here, right? You're talking about the folks from, you know, like um From the world war two generation versus like, you know, um our parents generation, right? And that's um interesting because the Diverse rates are so much different People were still like happy not happy. Maybe at the same rates, you know, people were just determined to be in a failing relationship. Um, but I feel like um Our generation because we've seen so much divorce Is really delving into um personal relationships a lot more, you know, we're really wanting to understand and I think that's You know a positive result of of all everything unfortunately that's gone on with the divorce rates and whatnot because It's forced our generation to look deeper into this and to heal it Right, so that hopefully this generation in the next has learned something that we can apply and have really a lot more successful Um results in that area Yeah, I mean if if nothing else at least our our children and grandchildren Better situation. Yeah That's awesome. Well, thank you so much for sharing that story. Um, let's say I'm gonna ask you I think one more question um Yeah, so going back to the blocks a little bit What would you say to women who um, who have blocks but are not You know, sure what those are yet or what to do. I mean we mentioned coaching, but um, maybe someone who is like skeptical about coaching Where would where would want to start because there's a lot of folks out there who love the idea But they don't think they can afford it. Not sure if it's the right fit for them at their time I mean, what would you what would you say to that objection? Um, I you know if I were you and you uh, you know, feel like that might be what's going on You know one thing that you can do is you can get programs, right? And programs will talk about different things and and and when you're going through a program, you know, and and what you want to pay attention To when you buy a program is that it has Um, you know all like multiple components. It's not just about words. It's also about, you know The beliefs and thought processes and stuff And just look at some of those beliefs that people talk about in those programs and say, you know How do I feel about this, right? And if you feel a lot of resistance for some of those beliefs That's a good indication that you can coach it. Yeah, you know, it's a good indication and there's also a lot of There's a lot of coaches out there who do like free who'll do like a free consultation with you And a lot of times they will tell you exactly what's going on with you You know, and they will they are experts at breaking it down and figuring it out and saying hey This is what's going on, you know, and and usually what happens there is is they'll say, okay You know, we've had our consultation. This is what's going on for you. This is what you need to do You can go and do it by yourself or you can get coaching and do it with me And you know, you're usually under no oblique I mean, usually you're never any under any obligation to Sign up for anything if you do a free consultation with any of these coaches And um, and they'll give you some valuable information that you can apply into your life, you know, immediately typically. So, um, I mean, you can even, you know I mean, you can go. Oh, yeah, so good Coaches are gonna hate me for saying this Okay, but but you're you know, you can shop around, you know, there's a lot of coaches out there nowadays Yeah, I agree. You can just you know, talk to people and find somebody that resonates with you and You know and work with them Right, it's totally about what is a fit and what's not right? So if one coach resonates over another It's and you feel it in your heart that it's a good fit. I mean just go with it, you know But yeah, and the thing is that, you know, every single person that I know who is a love coach who's offering free sessions They really just want to help you They really just want to help you and if you decide to work with them, you know, great if not, I mean You just help another you've just helped another You know person which is So rewarding Um, so yeah, that's that's what I have to say on that too. So I guess, um We're around our 30 minutes now So we'll wrap up and I just wanted to offer you the opportunity to share a little bit about your free gift People check out something Yeah, yeah, so um So if uh, you know, if you're really struggling to figure out what's going on with you, um, I also What what I have is a quiz, right and you can take that quiz and It'll help you kind of determine what your biggest obstacle is to getting into the relationship that you want to get into And uh, just give you some free advice on you know, what to do from there I've I've I actually built this quiz around Some of my coaching consultations that that I've done and I've kind of determined that there's uh, just a few different barriers that really stop women from You know attracting the man and the relationship that they want So if that's what you're struggling with, uh, just go take my quiz and um, you know, I hope it I hope it helps you give you some insight Awesome. Well, thank you so much for joining us everyone and we'll see you on the next video Bye