 Is Maxwell House the best coffee in the whole world? Well, your father says so. And your father knows best. Yes, it's Father Knows Best, transcribed in Hollywood, starring Robert Young his father. A half-hour visit with your neighbors, the Andersons, brought to you by Maxwell House, the coffee that's bought and enjoyed by more people than any other brand of coffee at any price. Maxwell House, always good to the last drop. It's a fickle gypsy, always blind and often tipsy. Sometimes for years and years together, she'll bless you with the sunniest weather. Then in a moment, presto pass. Your joys are like the withered grass. Well, I don't know about you, but that's the way it is with me. And that's the way it is with the Jim Andersons of Springfield. In the White Frame House on Maple Street, fortune is definitely a summertime thing. And good or bad, the Andersons never know quite what to expect, like this. Jim, have you seen this part of the paper? Oh, yes. I've read all the ones that are on the floor. Just help yourself. Well, thank you, dear. You're very kind. Oh, it's practically nothing. I don't know why they don't pass some laws or something. Look at this, honey. Three more accidents. Two people killed just because everybody's in such an all fired hurry. Where are they going, anyway? Who, dear? The drivers. Go tearing around, knocking people down. Jim, look at this. They're recovering upholstered chairs at the interior, your house for $35.50. Good for them. When you think of the lives that are lost, just because people are careless or thoughtless. Jim. I heard you, Margaret. They're recovering chairs, and I hope they'll be very happy. $35.50 isn't much at all, and that rose chair in the living room. Well, honey, you're not going to start that again, are you? Well. There's nothing wrong with the rose chair, and I don't see why you keep on insisting. The rose chair is a disgrace, and you know it. It is not. It looks homey, that's all. It's frayed, faded, and feeble. And if that's your idea of homey. I like furniture that looks as if it's been lived in. By people or elephants. Margaret, we've been through this a dozen times, and, well, I'd prefer not to discuss it right now. We're through with the dishes, mothers. Is there anything else? Yes, will you please tell your father that the rose chair in the living room is a disgrace? Margaret. The rose chair in the living room is a disgrace. Anything else? Yes. Tell your mother I like it fine just the way it is. He likes it fine. Aren't you two talking to each other? Not when it comes to chairs. Leave me alone. Well, yeah, I don't want to guess. But you have to. What good's there really? A man tries to read a paper, and you think it was a crime against humanity. Night after night, day after day, all I have to do is sit down. Dad, make Kathy leave me alone, will you please? I wasn't doing anything. Well, whatever you weren't doing, stop it. But I just want him to guess. Father, she's been driving us crazy with those horrible riddles all night. They aren't either horrible. Kathy, if Betty and Bob don't want to play. Play, mother. Wait a minute. There's nothing wrong with a few harmless riddles. And if that's all it takes to make your sister happy. But you don't know her, Dad. She never stops. I do too, stop. Now, Bob, let's not argue. After all, Kathy's happiness is very important. It is? I don't know what that means, but it's leading up to something. What is it that has 18 legs and flies? A baseball team. Margaret, exactly what did you mean by that last crack? You aren't supposed to guess it right away. Not now, Kathy. But. I said not now. Gee. One riddle and he quits. Never mind, bud. Well? What, dear? What was the deep significance behind that last remark? About Kathy? Why not a thing, dear? I think it's wonderful of you to be so concerned over her happiness. That's all. That's all, huh? Of course. Naturally, making other people happy isn't important. Margaret. Even if it takes only a small thing like having the rose chair recovered. But I've explained to you a thousand times. Are we going to have that old chair recovered? No, dear. We like it just as it is. What's black and white and red all over? Margaret, if it means that much to you, have it recovered. Why, dear? Have everything recovered. Can I get a new bed, mom? What's black and white and red all over? Mine goes way down in the middle. If he's going to get a new bed, why can't I? I haven't had a new bed since I was nine years old. Nobody's said anything about a new bed. But just got through saying it. I didn't say you could have one. You said to have everything recovered. And how can you recover an old bed? What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper, but not around here. Couldn't you guess something else before you guessed newspaper? But? It's sagged so much in the middle, I'm practically sleeping on the floor. The doorbell rang. Joe Phillips had a book on physical culture, and you know what it said? Bud. It said you can't get any sleep in a bed that sagged in the middle. And mine sagged in the middle. Sleep? To get any more sleep, he'd have to be dead. Well, you can't say that about me. I hardly sleep at all. You're another one. If you spent half as much time doing anything else, you'd be a genius. Jim, everyone has to sleep. Nobody said they didn't. What has 50 eyes and can't see? But just because you want one chair recovered, all of a sudden, everybody needs a new bed. Daddy? We don't have to worry about money, haven't you heard? We're the rich andisans. Why don't we just go out and buy new furniture every week? Dear, no one said anything about getting new furniture. What has 50 eyes and can't see? I suppose beds aren't furniture. I know, dear, but the children weren't really serious. Why weren't we? Well? What? What has 50 eyes and can't see? A potato and leave me alone. Who was it, bud? It was a moving man. He said he wanted to move the furniture. Oh, that's fine. You've already called the moving man. We did no such thing. It's OK, dad. He said he guessed he had the wrong house. I don't know. It's gotten so that. Kathy, what are you doing? Turning on the radio. Well, turn it off. Don't you think it's noisy enough around here? But I want to hear people are foolish. Actually, they aren't moving men at all. Kathy, your father's right. Please. Wait a minute, Mark. What you said to me. Honey, please. They have a regular moving van. Try to talk somebody out of his or her furniture. Jim. Margaret, listen. For every piece of furniture, these contestants succeed in moving out of the house. Our sponsors, the Fuller Furniture Company, will pay $10. And to the lucky and unsuspecting householder, now listen to this. We're listening. The Fuller Furniture Company will replace each at every article removed with a brand new piece from its million dollar stock of quality furnishings. Yes, sir. Jim, where are you going? Those were the moving men. They were just here. But what are you going to do? Do. You can stop worrying about the rose chair, honey. We're going to get new furniture for the whole house. Hey! It's time to get back to the everyday business of living. Well, she stuck me with a pin. Kathy. It's a little, Daddy. Don't you kids realize that this is important? Those long-headed contestants took so long to move this stuff out, they'll probably miss the end of the show. And we'll get nothing back but our old furniture. But I didn't do anything, Dad. Bud, be quiet, will you? Jim, do you think it was wise to give them all the beds? Of course. There's no sense in doing a thing halfway. But what if they don't bring the new ones tonight? They have to bring them. Don't you remember? The announcers said they'd immediately replace everything they removed. I hope you're right, dear. What has four legs and whistles? Two sailors. And look, Kathy. Wiz, why do you have to know all the answers? Because whether you believe it or not, I was once nine years old, myself. Jim, I think he's going to say something. Well, it's about time. All he does is talk. Never says anything. Well, I think we'll have time for one or two more contestants before. No, wait a minute. Here they are. The moving men are back. They made it. They're back. Bud, will you please be still? Turn it up a little, Betty, please. OK. Tell me, did you boys have any luck? Oh, we had a terrible time, Mr. Foreman. It was just awful. Yeah, awful. Why, those ungrateful people, we must have gone to a dozen places. And one guy even said he'd sick the dog on us. Yeah, the dog. Why doesn't he tell them about us, the knucklehead? Didn't you show the people your moving van? Oh, sure. But they said they didn't care if we had 10 of them. Yeah, 10 of them. They'll have to go off the air in a minute. Why doesn't he tell them? You mean then that you couldn't talk anyone into letting you take their furniture? Take their furniture? I'm glad I'm alive. Yeah, alive. Margaret, they took practically all the furniture out of the whole house. I know, dear. Well, I'm awfully sorry. What is a consolation prize for being such good sports? The Fuller Furniture Company wants you both to have We'll just see about that right now. What are you going to do, Jim? I'm going to call the station. I'll show them they can't pull a stunt like that on me and get away with it. They said they'd replace the furniture. And they're going to replace it if I have to go down there. Hello? Now look, this is James Anderson of 607 Maple Street. And when those men took my furniture, I'm not mistaken, I tell you. They drove up in a moving van and, well, no, they didn't say they were from the station. They gave me some cockeyed story about losing the slip. And you did? I see. I see. Well, thank you very much. What did he say, Jim? It's, well, the man said he traveled with the two contestants the whole time. And, uh, yes? Well, they never came near Maple Street. Oh, no! Jim! Holy cow! He's so right. Her riddle probably has fathers stop cold. And yet there are times when the man of the house does have the answers. For instance, ladies, when it comes to coffee, that husband of yours is the world's greatest expert. Yes, the number one expert on coffee is that man of yours. Of course, your grocer will say we're the experts. He knows more people enjoy our Maxwell House coffee than any other brand. But when you pour the coffee, the expert you want to please is your husband. And tomorrow, if you'll fill his cup with Maxwell House coffee, we're sure he'll smile and say, wonderful. Best coffee ever. In fact, we're so sure we'll give you your money back if he doesn't. You see, we know no coffee tastes like Maxwell House because no coffee's made like Maxwell House. In all the world, there's only one recipe for that famous good to the last drop flavor, a recipe demanding certain coffees blended just so. And only Maxwell House has that recipe. With this in mind, get Maxwell House tomorrow. Serve it to your husband. If he doesn't say best coffee ever, just send us the can and unused portion and we'll gladly refund the price you paid. Our address is right on every familiar blue tin. Fair enough, isn't it? So tomorrow, serve the world's greatest expert coffee. We're sure he's bound to enjoy. Tomorrow, serve your husband Maxwell House coffee. Always good to the last drop. It isn't much later in Springfield. Matter of fact, it isn't much later anywhere. But Springfield's the place we're worried about. You see, the white framehouse on Maple Street has never seemed roomier or more spacious. But then houses always seem roomier and more spacious when most of the furniture is missing, don't they? Now, just a minute, Margaret, let's all calm down and see if we can't figure this thing out. I knew something was going to happen. I just knew it. That's always a great help. If you knew something was going to happen, why didn't you tell me? Why keep it a secret? I'm sorry, dear. I shouldn't have said that. Women always know what's going to happen right after it happens. I said I was sorry. There's a perfectly simple solution to the whole thing. We'll just call the moving company and have them bring stuff back. What moving company? The one that took the furniture. What if they were crux? Oh, Kathy. What if they were hijackers and they're peddling hot furniture all over town? Kathy, go to bed. But how, Kathy? I said go to bed. What bed? You're right. Quite right, Kathy. What bed? Father, I know it sounds ridiculous, but what if Kathy is right? Maybe they were crooks. That's the silliest thing I've ever heard. Of all the houses in Springfield, why would they pick this one? They didn't pick anything, dear. We chased them down the street. Remember? Well, yes, but I... Bud, haven't you found that book yet? I think it's in the whole closet. Well, hurry up. As soon as Bud finds the phone book, we'll look in the classified section and that'll be that. What'll be what? We'll call the company and get our furniture back. Father, I've been trying to tell you. We don't know the name. We certainly do. Kathy said she saw it on the side of the truck. And I did. It said coast to coast. So there. Betty, I wish you'd learned to... Coast to coast. And the driver's name was Mike. Kathy, they're all mark coast to coast. That's where they go. They do? What was the other name? What other name? On the side of the truck. Well, at least there's one bright side to the picture. We'll get brand new furniture from the insurance company, won't we, dear? I've been thinking about that, Margaret, and it isn't quite as bright as you might think. We do have burglary insurance, don't we? Oh, yes, but where was the burglary? Why, those men just marched right in here and took the whole... They didn't take anything, honey. We gave it to them. We practically pushed it out the door. You mean we can't put in a claim? I'm afraid not. Oh, Jim, my beautiful bed. You see, Margaret, now it's a beautiful bed. Two hours ago, she couldn't sleep in it. But now it's a beautiful bed. Well, I was used to it. Here's the phone book, dad. It was under the galoshes. Well, naturally, that's the most logical place in the house to keep a phone book. Jim, why don't we call the police? I don't know, honey. I suppose we should, but... Let's call a couple of the stories companies first. There aren't many, just eight. That's all, just eight. But, dear, if we call the police... Margaret, if you don't mind, I'd rather try to find the furniture myself first. Somehow, I'm not particularly anxious to advertise this little escapade. I'm sleepy. Now, let's not start that, Kathleen. But I am. Jim, it's getting late, and we've got to do something about the children. I'll start calling right away. Well, tell them we've got to have the beds tonight, even if they can't deliver anything else. Suppose you let me find the company first. I think she's going to be so easy. Probably turn out to be the last company in the book, which means I got to sound like a congenital idiot to half the... Hello? AC Movers? This is James Anderson, 607 Maple Street. Yeah, I know your clothes, but I just want you to tell me... I don't want you to move any furniture. I want to know if you already have. No, you weren't supposed to. Look, I know it sounds queer, but our furniture was picked up by a couple of men. One of them was tall and had sandy hair, and, well, that's what I'm trying to tell you. I don't know what company. Now, listen, there's no need to be insulting about it. I merely want you... But why can't you...? Hello? Hello? Fine. What did he say, dear? Let's just say that he's not a gentleman. The furniture father? It was the night watchman, and he didn't know anything. About anything. Jim, if all the storage companies are closed... Honey, I'm doing everything I possibly can. Holy cow. What's the matter with you? Just when I got my bed, nice and broken in. Nice and... You said your bed sagged. Well, sure, but it sagged where I sagged. But we'll just have to make the best of it for the time being. But where are we going to sleep? Well, I'm afraid we'll have to see what we can arrange with the neighbors. Honey... Bud, how would you like to spend the night with Joe Phillips? Say, that'd be keen. And I can sleep next door at Patty's. Margaret, if you'll just listen. Betty, why don't you call Janie Ligget and see if you can't stay with her tonight? I'd rather die. Margaret, why don't we just... I bet you've stayed at Janie's dozens of times. Not because we didn't have any furniture. Look, if you'll just let me say something... I'm sure if you'll explain to Janie... Explain what? That my father gave away all the beds? Who'd believe a silly thing like that? Now, wait a minute. She'll tell everybody on the campus and I'll be the laughing stock of the whole school. Listen to me, young lady. This whole thing was as much your idea as it was mine. Jim... Father, how can you say that? I was perfectly happy with our furniture. Just the way it was. Jim, this is not the time... Wasn't my idea to have the rose chair recovered, was it? You didn't hear me making any complaints about my bed. Well, I wasn't the one who started it, but did. Betty... Me? All I said was, my bed sat in the middle. That's all. Shall I take my blue pajamas? It doesn't really matter whose fault it was. We've just got to get... It certainly doesn't matter whose fault it was. Jim... You wanted new furniture and I was trying to get it for you. Now, if you're going to turn the whole thing around and blame it on me... No one's blaming it on you, dear. They certainly are. Shall I take my blue pajamas? I hear one more complaint out of anybody, but one more complaint, so help me out... Well, let's not have any more complaints, that's all. I better call Joe, huh? You stay right where you are. But, Dad, Mom said... Margaret, Betty's right. If this thing gets around the neighborhood, we might as well move out of town. But, dear, it wasn't our fault. That's what I mean. So, why do anything? We'll be sorry about tomorrow. Why can't we sleep here tonight? Sleep here? There aren't any beds. What's that got to do with it? Did the Pilgrim Fathers sleep on beds? They certainly did. Well, let's put it another way. We're Americans, raised in the tradition of adventure and free enterprise. The hardy pioneers traveling in their covered wagons across the wide prairies. Did they worry about beds? Now we're going to play Cowboys in India. That doesn't mean it, bud. I don't want to play Cowboys in India. Kathy? I want to go over to Patties. Well, you can't. Well, you can't blame Kathy, dear. It's long past her bedtime in the porch. I was exhausted. Well, why doesn't she go to sleep? Where? Right here. On the floor, I suppose. Well, what's wrong with that? That's a nice soft rug. Holy cow. Now, Kathy, listen to me. I want to sleep at Patties. No, you don't. Not really. Why would you want to go over there? All they've got is beds. Never mind, Betty. Jim, you aren't serious. Of course I am. It won't be bad, honey. As a matter of fact, it'll be a lot of fun. We'll build a fire in the fireplace. We've got all those pads from the swing and the porch furniture. They'll make wonderful beds. There's an air mattress in the attic. Sure, we've got all kinds of things. Blankets, pillows, things the pioneers never had. You mean, we'll be pioneers? That's right. We'll be the stalwart Andersons camping out in the middle of the plains. Were the Indians howling and the coyotes yelling? Kathy, go upstairs and get your blue pajamas. And the deer in the Adelot Plain? But call Joe and tell him you'll be right over. But, Dad, sir, I've done all the listening I intend to. But there's no reason. And I have no intention of sleeping on the floor. Honey, I guarantee that after the first five minutes. But will you please do as I ask? I have to answer the door. Well, answer it. That's what I was going to do. Mother, couldn't we please? We are not going to sleep on the floor like a bunch of savages, just because you and your father have a ridiculous notion about false pride. Pride has nothing to do with it. Why, we hadn't the faintest idea. It's back, Dad. The furniture's back. Jim. I told you there was nothing to worry about. Mr. Anderson? We're right in here. Jim, I'm so relieved. I'm going outside, Dad. Wait for me. Creepers, now I have to sleep in that old bed again. Betty, if I hear one more word. Mr. Anderson, I got a hand to you. What a joker. Well, why don't we talk about it while we're bringing in the furniture for 20 years? And this is the first time I ever make up the wrong load. Very amusing. We drove a clear out to Plainville. And when we got there, the guy tells me I got the wrong stuff. If we can just laugh, I knew I almost died. I don't think he's well. I know it's very funny, but no, wait a minute. You ain't heard the best part yet. You know that rose-colored chair? Yes? Well, it got caught on a note. Probably has hysterics at the funeral. That insurance will have a whole thing fixed up. And it won't cost you a dime. Well, that's more like it. Oh, here's your bill. Bill? For what? Look at it. It's the silliest-looking bill I ever made out in all my life. 50 bucks for moving furniture from Maple Street to Maple Street by way of credit. Tomorrow or Saturday, the very next time you buy coffee, set your mind on one thing, on coffee that gives you the most in flavor for your money. Now, there's an expert ready to help you find that coffee, the world's greatest coffee expert. Yes, ma'am, your husband, he's the expert we meet. Just pour him a cup of Maxwell House coffee. And when he smiles and says, best coffee I ever tasted, you'll know Maxwell House has the most in flavor. You'll know it's your best coffee buy. Tomorrow, bring home a pound of Maxwell House. See how much your husband enjoys every cup. Then count all the truly good cups of coffee you get from every pound. We think you'll agree. You do get more flavor for your money, your money's worth and more, with Maxwell House coffee. Always good to the last drop. It's midnight now in the Anderson household. And events lead us to venture a small bit of philosophy. Children are hard to understand. For that matter, so are girls. But when you come up with a girl child, brother, that's it, like this. Mother, I can't do a thing with her. She just sits there and yowls. Poor angel. This whole thing's been too much for her. She needs a couple of good whacks. That's what she needs. Never mind, bud. Margaret, what's going on up there? It's all right, dear. We just have a little problem with Kathy. See if you can do something. She'll wake up the whole neighborhood. Jim, maybe you'd better speak to her. All right, if you think it'll do any good. All this excitement tonight. I'm afraid she's emotionally upset. She needs a couple of good whacks. That's what she needs. You just said that. Well, she does. Why aren't you kids in bed? Who can sleep with that? Jim, we've tried everything. All she does is wail. She won't even stay in bed. OK. Give me my chair and a whip, and I'll see what I can do. Well, it seems to be the trouble up here, young lady. She doesn't seem to have a fever. Everything's going to be all right, sweetheart. Just tell daddy what it's all about. At breakfast time, you don't have to say. You children eat your cereal right this instant. Just say. Hop along, Cassidy is crazy about hot wheat meal. Just a little psychology. Yes, to get your children to eat a hot cereal, just tell them post-wheat meal is Hop along, Cassidy's favorite hot cereal. And they lead it too. Post-wheat meal is chuck full of solid whole wheat nourishment as a wonderful nut-like flavor. And it cooks in just three and a half minutes. You'll see. You'll all agree. It's the best hot cereal you ever ate. Join us again next week when we'll be back with Father Knows Best starring Robert Young as Jim Anderson, with Roy Bargy in the Maxwell House Orchestra, and yours truly, Bill Foreman. So until next Thursday, good night and good luck from the makers of Maxwell House, America's favorite brand of coffee, always good to the last drop. Father Knows Best was transcribed in Hollywood and written by Ed James. Now stay tuned in for Dragnet, which follows immediately over most of these stations. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.