 Dream of brighter days? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Just watching by the morning, the latest breakfast show in this hair town. You can find us on Facebook, Y254Channel on Twitter. Hashtag is WCW or Y in the money. So today is a Queens Wednesday and we're talking about a bit of a heavy situation and it is GBV, which I have also learned that there's another version of S-GBE. So that's sexually gender-based violence and there is gender-based violence. But let's focus on what we started with in the beginning and that is GBV. And I'd like to believe that we are going to reach out to both genders. That is male and female. My name is Valentine. But I'd like to introduce you to my panel of two. Good morning. Good morning. How are you? Fine. Do you want to say hello to the ladies? Of course. You are fantastic. What is your name? Faith Mzoli. How can we find you on social media? You can find me on social media at Faith Mzoli on Twitter, Mzoli Faith on Facebook. I'd like a smiley audience here. Just give them a smiley. So that they know what's up. All right. You can find me on Facebook, at Faith Mzoli, on Twitter, at Faith Mzoli. I like that. I think I'm a sanguine. Sanguine, since we are told, talk fast, then think again. What advice is it? Like now, I'm remembering that they have not told me to check my... It means I'm talking a lot. You have talked. We have checked, by the way. We checked and finished. Okay. My name is Uda Prada. It's a character. The old abnormal, new normal. And I'm happy to be here today. Yes. Today we're talking about gender-based violence. And previously, just before we went on air for this particular segment, I was trying to explain a situation where, should you encounter someone or a couple of people, having domestic violence type of situation, maybe when you're a woman, maybe you're going to be beaten, you're going to be scared, or maybe you're going to be scared. But you tell yourself, it's none of your business. Is that something that we should continue to talk about? I have an experience. Where somebody commits suicide. What? And then, you regret that. I wish I could get her or him before committing suicide, so that I tell her what to do. Have a casino committed suicide. Up to now, I'm regretting, why couldn't I get my brother and my wife to tell him, why didn't he just come and tell me his problem? They had fracas with mom who committed suicide after having... fracas was sometime with mom. Like he used to go, was a young boy, a man from... one from two. He used to go places, mother didn't want. So every time she comes back, it's a war. War, mother was also a worsome man. So one day, he just decided he was sleeping in a separate room, kitchen. So when people woke up, he was hanging. So I'm always regretting that. I wish I could get him just before he was at home and was in Nairobi. This is what can get into your mind if some people do fight. And then you're just there, you say it's not my business. Yeah, but Kaya, so someone who is going back to the same thing, Okay, you know, like in such a situation, like these people are fighting, let's take an example of a wife, husband. So, like there is this stereotypic way of thinking, like Buanangua kini piga, he loves me so much. In fact, asponi piga. Asponi piga and pen bing. We're not giving you ideas. Yes, we're not giving you ideas, we're just projecting a school of thought. Yes, so if he doesn't beat me, he doesn't love me. And if he beats me up, then he loves me. So such people, it's this stereotype they are holding on, but it is just lack of knowledge and lack of, okay, for a woman from a woman's perspective, like a woman will take it from this point, like if a man beats me, it's a right that he beats me. Why? Because I yelled at him. So a woman should not yell at a man, but it's right for a man to beat a woman when she yells at him. So it is just a way of enlightening such people to know that the two, okay, it's her vice to beat a woman when she yells at you. But in the same sense, it's not her vice for a woman to yell at her man. She might have just been trying to convey a certain message. Yes, and then she feels like, this is the way I should pass my message. Like I have to yell for him to get whatever message I'm trying to pass. Otherwise asking. Otherwise asking. I know how this started. During those, during those nocturnal games, People beat each other and they take it to be normal. Kai sungoja. In this particular season, That's how it is. Kai sungoja, that's how it is. That's how it is. This I should have started with this disclaimer. These are abnormal times. So that means there are a lot of people at home and some of them are very impressionable. So as we are giving advice, let's make sure to give proper advice. Sometimes to not joke. So just know the difference. Because this one can be very unserious for a very long period of time. So you need to understand when he's joking and when he's being serious. But let me take her point and ask you a question. Actually the panel that has just come here before, the two guests that were here before, they talked about the same thing, gender-based violence. But we didn't really zoom in. I know I have that power. That's why as I've grown up in this life, as I'm living it and I'm becoming older, I'd rather even just go off-grid than say what I am saying. But is that a reason for someone to beat another person? Somebody says there's a policy process and in computer, what you key in is what counts out. It's called garbage in, garbage out. So if you are garbage in some things inside me, those are the same garbage that will come. And especially when you are hitting some in gun games, if you are hitting a wall that is so hard, the bullet will come back to you. Yes. So if you know you have me at home, just learn the song that says... If we did say kunya maza, how do you know? I don't know. I don't know how to say it. I don't know about it. It was talked about by a woman. You knew clearly. It was talked about by a woman. Oh my God, if we did say kunya maza, so it's like kunya maza should be a lesson. A lesson that people can learn. But kunya maza can be a lesson on its own. Yes. But there is that person who gets relieved when he yells out. This is the way you can be relieved. Yes. This is the way you can be relieved. I've seen angry women that end up saying... That is good. Anagifunza kunya maza. Anagifunza kunya maza like things come out. Something wants to come out and it's... It's clear to me. But what if, for example, one of your faiths named Rembosa, and you can see she's not a faith to express herself. So when you are cutting her, her back talk was sexy. Do you know that Katapena was once... Or will be a butterfly? You answer without answering me, but Nisao. Yes. That butterfly was once a Katapena. And there's a complete metamorphosis, but the gene will change. Katapena can fly. Butterflies do fly. Katapenas are ugly, they are not beautiful. But butterflies are super beautiful. So when you change from a situation like we are lovers, then we become wife and husband. You should be from Katapena to a butterfly. But should the same person who will tell the wife that now that you've changed, now that you've born my children, now that you're timid, ah, the romance is gone. Let me start looking for someone else who will give me the offers of it all. But before you get to that, Kairi, that's not why we're here. We're talking about GBV. What happens? Sasa, who are you? Maybe I've not even seen you for two weeks, but you see me and you want just all the force of whatever has been happening in your own life. You now want to project it to me. It can never be so. It can never be so. Does that make it right? Does that make it right? Because now if we translate it to maybe husband and wife or girlfriend and boyfriend, or however it is in a home where we have been told to isolate ourselves. So that means because COVID-19 has decided that people are going to be unemployed, now you come and beat me. Okay, listen, like right now, in a situation we are in, COVID-19, so much gender-based violence is happening in our homes. And you tend to find, like for example, people have lost jobs, husband and wife in this situation. My husband has been working and then because of COVID-19, he has lost his job. So he has to depend on me who is going to work each and every morning. Now I'm the breadwinner. He comes back. Okay, I come back home. He's now a stay home dad. So he has to make sure everything is done. But the moment I reach that door, I find like like everything, the baby diapers are all over. Then I'm like, okay, so I'm talking, I'm eating, I'm going to sleep. I don't want everything until now. I have to come home. I have to start from, pick from where I left. So you see like this man will be like, I've been doing it all this time and I never complained. But now you're doing it. You feel like I have to also do something. I don't know if it's written in stone. I don't know if it's because we're African. I am not too sure. But Hasidah Apple, I don't understand why Hasidah in Pakai Kueh reflected on the person who is basically catering for you. Like why? So I want to tell you my personal principle on violence. All humans are. We are all prone to violence. That's true. Not man, not woman. We're all prone to violence. So my personal principle of violence is that I should only hit my wife or my spouse when she hurts. If she can also hit me when I hurt. Yes. So it should be. If I'm like I absolutely can't do a mistake, that's when I should beat you. But when if I can also do a mistake, then when I do mistake, I should also allow you to be really beating me. And beat me as I beat you more than I beat you. Yes. So I really detest violence. And like raising your hand on a woman for whatever reason, it's not allowed because we all are. Now that if we it's like now you are abusing your strength, you are strong, you have muscles, and you're abusing it. You're misusing it. You are hitting a woman because I'm a funny mistake. And where if I'm a mistake, it's okay. All you say babe, I'm sorry at it's all. If babe, I'm sorry is enough. Then you should also be allowed to say babe, I'm sorry. And it's get some. Yeah, that's my personal principle. I have a question for you. And I don't think there's any other time I will beat my spouse. Yeah, personally. I get a problem when a woman starts shouting at me. Because I don't know how to shout back. And I really feel bad if I can raise my hand on a woman, like hitting a woman for whatever reason. So what I do personally, I walk away if I can. It's only hard when maybe I'm confined in, we are in a matter too, so I can't walk away. If I have extra cash, I can alight and walk away. But if you are maybe in a bedroom, I will take a walk to sitting room and sleep there. Or I will take a walk to. Okay, some people overreact like when I start taking a walk, you'll follow me with a shirt. So that can be embarrassing. But you know what I can do? It's after that I fix and we can separate forever so that I don't get tempted. I can't hit very hard by the way I can. I was born with extra energy. I want to let you do what you can. Yes, yes I was. I'm still feeling a bit away. I can't carry you and throw you up and catch you and throw you up. So because I don't want to get in that temptation, I tell the devil in you. It's not you now. There's devil in you that is. To let so much to see blinds, I turn and I keep. Ah, me not. Me I blame. I blame Satan. I blame Satan. He could just even be taking a break from life because of COVID also. Yeah, I'm blaming him. If the devil could be like talking and hearing, he could be saying, Get out. But you know, when we talk of like gender-based violence, you know, in most cases, you'll find that it's a woman who is, you think like it's a woman who has been abused in this case, but there are men outside there who are also being abused by women. But now just because of the, the, the societal insubordination of a woman, hey, you thought that baby cannot finish. You see now because of the societal insubordination of a woman, it is taken like it's a man who has to beat a wife. And so if a woman beats the husband, it's news. So such cases, you find that they are rarely reported anywhere because men feel like it's fake pigwa. I read a Facebook post yesterday and it was made yesterday by my friend called Daniela Seymour. She says that she was not profiting men from her childhood. She's a lady. She was known for fighting men. Yes, physical fight. Her mom used to tell her always that be a lady, you are not a man. Be a lady, please. So she says that she tried it even when she was old enough in a relationship. So she caught a man, she was dating a man, not knowing that that man had a wife. So later she learned that the man had a wife. So she texted a man and told him that it's over between us. I didn't know you have a wife, now you have a wife, it is over. So the man came, made it, the man had her next to him. So the man came and opened the door and she was asleep. And she slept, he slept her. In her sleep? Yeah, in her sleep she was woken up by a very heavy slap. That's not nice. So when she woke up, the man in her woke up also. So she dived on that man's neck and strangled that man. And before she knew it, she was bleeding everywhere, everywhere. This man, like now, you know, it's a man. I'll read to you, I left my phone and read for you this post. Some men, when they kill you or slap you, they do it like with some person, with some consideration that you are a lady. So it's softer, softer. But the moment you exchange, like also you slap back and throw the kicks. Say, oh, okay. So it is a fight. It's not me like disciplining you or that. So it's a fight. The next thing, and I will catch you, okay, Boko. So do your best. Pigeon is a second one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So let's see the best person when this war. She found herself in the hospital, bleeding everywhere. She was not in any period. Nose bleeding, mouth bleeding, eyes bleeding, everywhere bleeding. Yeah, that's where, and after that, she found herself begging. Like before she passed off begging for mercy. Please, I'm not leaving you. I love you so much. This, it was just a joke. You can't take jokes. You can't take jokes. And she said that after she has received para, para between things, she passed out. So this is what happens when your mouth betrays you. But Aman does not have consequences when he talks to a woman anyhow. Ako to sour. Ako to sour? Okay. Like unezan hitomboa na ni smile jumini dema. And smile back. But it's okay. Okay, we're talking about a Sunday off. I'm not just fighting back. See, I said don't return the edge. You know your weaknesses. You know your strength. So watch your weaknesses. Watch your strength so that your weaknesses should not drive you. No, I do. I've just talked to my fellow man. Hit back. Hit a woman. If you allow her also to hit you back when you're back. That is the principle. Yes. But the principle is don't hit each other. Yeah, that is the bottom line. Yes, the bottom line. Because Aman cannot allow like nilani-chinini, chapwets, ginini, iso. So if you cannot allow that, also don't allow yourself to get in. Yes. Say no to violence. All right. So now baby, back to the point about men being abused for lack of a better word. In Juzy 2, Apai Central, we laughed at them. We laughed at them. We laughed at women. In fact, we laughed at women. Women's hospital, they were a sugilipio and I laughed at women. So how are you able to speak out as a man? If it's not like this, you're under the influence. If it's not like this, you're under the influence of women. If it's not like this, you're under the influence of women. So now see. Now see. See, I'm not weakening my strength. So we're not doing weakness and strength. How is someone like that going to speak out and say, Onanani, me ni mo nome na strike people? You can't even report it. You can't even see. See, how do we help them? I had a situation of a man. Of a man who went to report that he was better, he was better. And you can't remember, you can't imagine the situation at the police station. We can help such men through like stopping stigmatization. Like when this man comes, one man comes to report the issue. Like to say, me amenda kwa chief. The chief should just keep it to himself and the man. So that, see at his asa, from there he keeps roaming in the village. Oh, he was beaten yesterday by the wife. You know, such stigmatization will pull other men back when he thinks of, Let me go and say more like the other man the other time. So there is no need for me to go ahead and report the issue. But if we stop the stigmatization thing, then more men can come out and report. Practical is what she's saying. How is practical? It's not practical. It's practical. It's very wonderful in theory. Yes, but even me, even me here, I can't report that our female has beaten me. I didn't even do it in primary school. I know there are female who are older than me. They could do anything. But you can't report. How can you report that a lady has beaten you? It's not, it's not proper. It's not proper. By the end of the day, you'll end up dying. Today, you're not reporting. Tomorrow, you're not reporting. The third time, you're dead. At adolescence, we men could just beat you the way they want to. Because you have some life here. Because it will grow very fast. Christmas is getting very tall before you. Yes, not even that way. I'm speaking of you have an attraction towards a lady. So you are trying to make yourself attractive to her. She may be definitely, she's not ready for you. So she gets slapping you and all that. But you can slap back because you love her. You want her attention and all that. That's where the problem starts. I think everybody, both gender, should be told that it is bad. It is really bad to raise a hand on anybody. Because if we leave it, that's where it turns to shocker, to pucker, to what? There are people who are like that, they're not allowed to go. They're not allowed to go. They're not allowed to go. And travel? So you're traveling? Yes, I'm traveling. You're traveling and you're traveling and you're traveling. And then in broad daylight? That's where the hardware is. That's where the money is. That's where the shocker is. That's where the grinder is. When you grind that well, that's where you grind that. And then a parent comes to you and says, I'm paying you the price, and you're not getting anything. But let me just do it for myself. And then the shocker comes. You're not allowed to go. That's where the conduct is. Come and listen to me. You're processing it. I have a question. So how is it? Sorry, let me just interrupt you. How can we, okay, to say me, because as we live this life in Dottuna Jua strength, they do not weakness in Zeto Sindio. So me, the younger version of me did not really understand that my mouth could do a lot of damage. So how is it that I can, okay, I can tell the girls that me, we're too little. Like, I know you can be upset. And I was very impressed. Just to speak with maturity. Sometimes silence, it is even the best. But how do I tell the boy child? How did you get that point? Was it always in you as we conclude at White Five Phone Facebook? No, I learnt. I learnt it. It didn't like start from one set of my life that I used to work out. There are times I used to fight. But I concluded myself, I convinced myself that it is wrong to fight. How did you do it? Auma. Okay, I told you I'm strong, I can't fight. So I won almost all the fights I had with, with the ladies, with the women. All the most? So from then, I said to myself that I will no longer fight Auma. Because I, just for my respectful men, I respect women, including my mother and my sisters and all that. And I feel bad, I love my sisters, especially even the cousins and all that. So I feel bad if somebody hit them. In fact, most of the fights I had, even with my fellow men in my primary and secondary school, is because they hit my sisters. Yes, you hit my sister, I look for you and deal with you. So I convinced myself that if I feel this bad, if somebody beats my sister, that person should also feel the same badness or the same bitterness if I beat their sisters. Because everybody's somebody's sister or somebody's brother. Or somebody's son, yes. And in African communities, especially where I come from, a sister is not only the person you're born with. Even the daughter of the brother, the side brother of your father, that is a sister to you. That is a sister to you. And where I come from, people go to Diskomatanga. And when you go to Diskomatanga, you go with your sister. Those, even those side sisters. So they are under your care because at Diskomatanga, people really fight. People, it's people are prone to fighting. If I tell my sister to come and dance and maybe she refuses to come and dance and all that, that is prone to violence. So when somebody beats my sister because she has refused to come and dance, it will be war there. So because I need to protect my sisters, I also need to keep up from hitting people's sisters. So whether she's your wife or it's your wife, she's somebody's sister or somebody's daughter or somebody's cousin and all that. So if you don't want people to beat people close to you, people you love, keep your hands off people's sisters and daughters. And I like that you said it because you have the capability of beating, but you've chosen not to. Yes, I have capability. I can beat like all the women in the studio, including Miriam and all that. You can come here. Yes, I have the capacity of beating you. I can lock that door and beat you. But I choose... Why don't you tell me it is over? I choose. I choose that I... I will never... Like I now... I... I will never raise my hand on a woman regardless. So help me God. Amen. Amen. Faith to Malaysia. Maybe your last words. I should also say that you will not raise your hand on a woman. Exactly. That's how you raise your hand on a woman. Oh, no. Don't say that. Okay. Okay. Charity begins at home. Just like we teach our kids boys and girls to say good morning to us as parents. So should we teach them that violence is bad in whichever way, any form of violence. Because the boy child, the boy, the young boy today is the husband to someone tomorrow. That small girl will be a wife to somebody tomorrow. So discourage it from the grassroots. Like starting from a very younger stage. Like who raise a hand to someone. There is a better way of resolving conflicts. Other than fighting and causing chaos and all that. So when we cultivate that culture in that boy, when he's still down there, he grows up knowing women have to be respected. Men have to be respected in the same way. And when we do that as a society, we create gender parity. So that there is equality between men and women. The Bible says that a man was that human beings were wonderful and fearfully made. So we separated that it is men who were fearfully made. Women were wonderful and made. So women should fear men. No. To cut that down as a man cannot rest on something that was wonderfully made. I don't have very mic dropping type of advice. But I'm learning to live each day as it comes. So let love win. Even if it's not tomorrow, let's just start it today, okay? Maybe just even the rest of the morning. So just stand now. Anyway, once drunk if you do. But your opinion is the one that has more weight. So write by phone Facebook at Wifi4channel on Twitter. Hashtag is white in the morning. We are concluding the latest breakfast show around. But please don't leave Wifi4channel because we have so much more to offer. Present us Nmingi. Entertainment's Nmingi. We are together. I'll see you when I see you. Have a good day.