 J-P-L-L-O The Jell-O Program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Kenny Baker, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens the program with, How Can I Thank You? You know, out here in Hollywood, the makeup men are famous for their ability to turn a talented actress into any of a dozen different characters, all gay and glamorous. Well, I was thinking, you can do something like that right in your own kitchen. Or you can turn one package of Jell-O into any of a dozen different treats that are truly glamorous to look at and simply grand to eat. Garnish your Jell-O with seasonal fruits, molded in shimmering layers. Serve it whipped light and frothy as air. Use Jell-O for a crisply molded salad or tempting you relishes. Yes, there are as many ways to serve Jell-O as there are days in the year. And however you choose to serve Jell-O, you're sure of a success. For all six flavors bring you that delicious, extra-rich fruit flavor that can't be topped for sheer, satisfying goodness. So look for the big red letters when you buy. They spell Jell-O. Now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you our master of ceremonies. I could say he's one of the greatest comedians of all time. I could say he's one of the most glamorous lovers of the screen. I could say he's an outstanding personality. Well, why don't you? All right, I will. Ladies and gentlemen, Jack Benny. Jell-O again, this is Jack Benny talking, and listen, Don, no more of that I could say stuff. For heaven's sake, if you have anything as nice as that on your mind, come out with it. I can take it. Well, at first I was going to Jack, but then I thought I'd better tone it down a bit, not make it too strong. Don, I wish you wouldn't mull over things. If you have a sudden thought that I'm marvelous, say so. If you think I'm a heel, think it over. That's my motto. I'll remember that. I wish you would. Oh, by the way, Jack, why did you hear about our opening program last week? Any comments? Well, Don, to tell you the truth, I got mixed opinions on it. You know how people are. Kind of spotty, huh? Yeah, some people thought our show was marvelous, but others thought it was terrific. That's what I like to hear, both sides, you know? Well, Jack, didn't anyone say the show was bad? No, Don, not a soul. I didn't hear one unfavorable comment. Why, Jack, that's unbelievable. I know it. That's the trouble. But on the whole, Don, the critics were very nice. Now, take Jimmy Fiddler. He was grand. He gave us two bells and a tinkle. A tinkle? Yes, that's a bell, only he doesn't put his heart into it. Did you hear anything nice about our show, Don? Yes, I did. I read a swell review in the Grapefruit Growers Journal. Oh, the Grapefruit Growers. They like us? I'll say they gave us three squirts. Well, that's marvelous, a squirt, eh? Did you call me, Jack? No, no, Kenny, but as long as you're here, stick around. Don and I were just talking about our first program. Did you hear anything about it, Kenny? Oh, my mother was crazy about it. She thought it was very asinine. Oh, she did. Well, you didn't help the show any dragging in that goofy ballad of yours that you brought back from England. What a guy that was. You mean Higgins? Yeah, I don't see him around. Where is he? Oh, it's his night off, so he took my girl to the movies. Your girl? Kenny, how can you be so dopey as to let your ballad take your girl to the movies? Oh, that's all right. Tomorrow night, he's taking me. I thought that was gonna be a bop. Oh, well, anyway, Kenny, if I were you, I'd fire that guy before he goes too far. Not me. Why not? Well, every time I tell him he's fired, he gives me a spanking. Well, that's the worst yet. You need a ballot. Like, oh, hello, Phil. Hiya, man. What are you throwing around tonight? Oh, nothing, nothing. Say, Phil, Don and I were talking about last week's show. We got some pretty nice comments. Did you hear anything? Well, Maurice, my hairdresser, loved it. Say, that's... that's intriguing, isn't it? Well, I'll tell you one thing, Phil. The newspapers were grand, it was simply wonderful. They sure were every one of them. Did you see that swell right up we got in the bartender's gazette? The bartender's gazette? Well, well, what do they think of it? They gave us three Mickey's. Mickey's? And I don't mean Rooney's. Well, that was nice of them, but that I'd rather have one in print than in a glass, you know? Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. Say, how do you feel after last night? Oh, I'm all right. Why? Well, don't your legs feel kind of stiff? No, no, of course not. Where were you last night, Jack? Oh, Mary and I went to the ice carnival here at the Pacific Auditorium. It was a great show. And afterwards, we went skating ourselves. Boy, did we have fun. I'll say. Can you skate, Jack? Can I? You know, fellas, it's the most amazing thing last night. Now, I haven't been on ice skates in over 10 years. Yet the minute I got on them... Down you went. Well, naturally, my ankles were a little weak. What do you expect after 10 years? But, Jack, for a fella that's as much out of condition as you are, you shouldn't even try it. Look, Phil, that's just why I did it. I think skating is great exercise. It's marvelous for you. Well, I like it even better than horseback riding. You could have used a saddle last night. All right, all right. Don't exaggerate. Was there a big crowd there, Jack? Oh, sure. Everybody was there. Joan Crawford, Eddie Cantor, Eddie Lamar. Oh, a whole flock of them. Oh, boy, Jack, do you know Joan Crawford and Eddie Lamar? Do I? I call them Joan and Eddie. That means anything. Don't let your neck with them. Well, Kenny, I didn't get that fresh. But if you want to know something, I helped Eddie Lamar on with her skates, and then I went all around the rink with her. Did Jack really do that, Mary? He had to. He got his fingers caught in the straps. Well, it was fun anyway. Say, Jack. What? Tell him about that trick you did jumping over the three barrels. Now, wait a minute. Don't try to be funny. What was it, Mary? Well, Jack was showing off in front of Joan Crawford. Now, listen, Mary. Go on, Mary. So he put three barrels together on the ice, and when he went to jump over them... What happened? His suspenders broke. His suspenders broke. That's all. His suspenders broke, huh? I bet the house came down. That wasn't all. Well, what of it? I got over the barrels, didn't I? And then when Jack started to do a figure eight... Mary, now let's drop the whole thing. Skating barrels and everything. About time for your song, Kenny. What are you going to sing? I'm going to sing, so help me. And you know, Jack, I don't think that accident of yours was a bit funny. You might have got hurt. Well, certainly. I might have broken my neck. That's right. Oh, go ahead and sing. And listen, Mary, I want to tell you something. If you go down there... With every word I say you seem to doubt me. I don't know where I stand from day to day. Heart demands I tell you this about me. I love you. What more can I say? May I never see the moon? Never see the stars close by. So help me if I don't love you. Oh, help me. May I never know a breath of spring? May I never hear the birds that sing? So help me if I don't love you. And if I lie in rain to fall from heaven And glide each day with its teeming Night should never bring sleep with its dreaming. May I never see the sight of you? And without you, what am I to do? So help me. I was so helped me sung by Kenny Baker and Kenny, I don't have to tell you that it was very good. No, I know. I know you know. I know Jack knows you know. Cease children, lest we get into a routine. And now, ladies and gentlemen, as we announced last week, tonight, we are going to... Hey, wait a minute, where's Rochester? Here I am, boss. Well, I'm glad you're here. Now look, Rochester, the reason I sent for you is we're short of actors, and I want you to be in our play tonight. Now, here's your part. Go over in the corner and get familiar with it. Okay. Say, boss. Yes. I don't want to be mercenary, but do I get any additional stipend for my efforts? What's that? Dog gone. As soon as I mention money, you get deep. Look, Rochester, stop complaining. You're getting enough from me already. I am? Yes. I've been working for you for two years, and all I get is a pocket full of dreams. Never mind. Now go over in the corner and study your part, will you? Yes, sir. And now, ladies and gentlemen, as we announced last week, for our feature attraction tonight, we are going to offer our version of Metro-Gowan mayor's current film success, Yellowjack. Thank you. A dramatization of the struggle against yellow fever during the Spanish-American war. I will play the part of Dr. Benny of the United States Medical Corps, a fearless scientist in the cause of humanity. Mary Livingston will play the part of Miss Blake, my nurse, as portrayed on the screen by lovely Virginia Bruce. What a girl. Virginia Bruce. Gee, she's beautiful. Yeah. Well, let's get on with the play. Phil Harris will play the part of that dashing young soldier, Sergeant O'Harris. Hey, Jack, am I going to handle the love interest? No, Phil. All you're going to do is catch yellow fever. Can I catch it from a blonde? Definitely not. Now Kenny will play the part of Private O'Baker, as smart a soldier has ever threw a hand grenade and forgot to let go. Do I always have to be a private? Why can't I be a general? Because you don't know enough to come in out of the shrapnel. Oh, yes. Now Don Wilson will play the part of my associate, Dr. O'Wilson. As capable a surgeon has ever operated on a banana to embellish a dish of jello. Well, well done. You certainly reached for that. No wonder our sponsor always sends you the best Christmas present. Oh, I don't know. You don't do so bad yourself. He's right, Jack. Last year our sponsor sent you a beautiful gift. Beautiful gift? How often do I use an egg beater? Maybe once in a blue moon. Well anyway, Rochester, my butler, at no increase in salary will play the part of Private Ban Jones of the United States Army. That's me as fast a soldier's ever 100-yard dash for a bullet. Rochester, we don't want any cowards in this army. Well, somebody's got to pick up the brave ones. You've got something there. But I need real tough guys ready to do or die. Man, you're looking right through me. All right, that's enough. And now, folks, our play Yellowjack will go on immediately after the next number. What's it going to be, Phil? I don't know. The boys have a surprise for me. Oh, this ought to be rich. Play, Mr. Leader Man. Play. The surprise number played by Phil Harris and his grab bag orchestra. Say, Phil, as long as you didn't know what the number was going to be, why were you standing in front of the band waving your baton? I was trying to mix them up. Well, congratulations, you did a marvelous job. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our blast of the evening, Yellowjack, or Boy Meets Mosquito. The scene is the United States Army headquarters near the thriving little town of Rumba Center, Cuba, which is just three shakes in a wiggle from Havana. As the scene opens, we find Dr. Benny of the Medical Corps busy in his laboratory. There is a tense look on his face as he peers into his microscope. Curtain, Cayupa. Good heavens, what a stroke of luck. Oh, nurse, Miss Blake. What is it, Dr. Benny? I made a sensational discovery. Look in this microscope. It's the biggest germ I've ever seen. Here, look. That's your thumb. Darn it, and I've been studying it for a week. Oh, I'm so worried I don't know where I'm at. All our soldiers have yellow fever, and they're dying like flies, and I can't stop it. Well, I must get on with my work. Miss Blake, where's my hypodermic needle? In your arm. Well, take it out. You know it don't belong there. Yes, sir. Oh, Doctor, Doctor. Yes, Private Baker. I've just discovered another man with yellow fever. You did? Where is he? Right here. Hello, Mr. Blaney. That's my laundry man. Get him out of here. Oh, I have failed miserably. Where does this germ come from? What does it look like? What can I do? What time is it? No, I don't know. I tell you, I don't know. But this is too much. I'm going mad. Is that the phone? If it's not, we're both nuts. Hello? Yes? You have? I'll tell him right away. What is it, nurse? Dr. Wilson has located a specialist who's been studying yellow fever for 20 years, and he knows what causes it. They're waiting outside now. Well, show him in. Hurry. Yes, sir. Right this way, quacks. Good morning, Dr. Wilson. Good morning. Dr. Blaney, I want you to meet Dr. Nazarro, the famous authority on tropical diseases. Glad to know you, Doctor. Who's the dame? That's my nurse. You may go, Ms. Blake. We're about to hold a conference. Okay. I think I'll scram over to Ward C and grab a few pulses. Goodbye. Well, gentlemen, let's get down to business. Tell me, Dr. Nazarro, are you positive you've discovered the cause of yellow fever? Yes. At the much intensive research, I have discovered that the disease is carried by mosquitoes. Mosquitoes? Gazooks. You know, I had a hunch all along that it was mosquitoes. Why, Doctor, you told us it was elephants. Well, I was in their punchin'. Tell me, Doctor, how did you arrive at this conclusion? Well, to begin with, Dr. Benny, there are over 800 different varieties of mosquitoes. Well, slap me down and call me shorty. 800 different kinds. You know them all by name? Yes. First, there's the retenden sulfide, like a chint. Yes? Then there's the banchenpung in Flundern and the sanchen-flenderskirrter, to sonner. That's amazing. But possibly the most dangerous species of all is the banchenpung in den-den-den-den-den-den-den-den. Oh those, they're vicious little devils. Now come to the point, Doctor. Which one of these mosquitoes carries the deadly germ of Yellowjack? It's the smallest one of all. A tiny insect called the stegomaya. The stegomaya? Oh, this is a very important doctor. Are you positive? I see, Frederick. I see. That's all I want to know. At last, Dr. Wilson, our problems are over. All we have to do now is find a stegomaya. But first, we must find out where we can get hold of one. That's right. They may be ticklish. Next, we must find a volunteer. I'll wait for that one, folks. Next, we must find a volunteer who is willing to expose himself to the bite of the deadly stegomaya. And then, gentlemen, we will have discovered the secret of Yellowjack. Calling all stegomayas. Calling all stegomayas. Report to the base hospital at once. Bring your stingers. That is all. Two days later, Dr. Benny's laboratory is filled with cages and cages of mosquitoes. The experiment is about to begin. Where? That's the last time I'm going to tell you. All I need is one man who will gamble with death. Hot humus, please. Yes, sir. Pardon me, Dr. Benny, but there's a group of soldiers outside, and there's a volunteer among them. What's the group of soldiers for? They're dragging the volunteer. Good. Send them all in at once. Come on. Attention, men. Now, you've been called here to perform a brave and fearless duty. One of you must step forward in order to be bitten by a stegomaya mosquito. It is a dangerous assignment, and you may not come out alive. Now, which one of you men will be the first to volunteer? Not me. I'm a coward. A coward? Shake, brother. Oh, men. I'm not a coward. I'm not a coward. Shake, brother. Oh, men, men, please. It's good for the good of humanity. Now, who, who give his life for his country? Hmm. Well, that settles. Oh, no. How about you, Rochester? Will you enter that chamber and be bitten by a stegomaya? I wouldn't go in that room if I was a cat with only two down and seven to go. But what have you got to lose? You're not a married man. You have no wife, no children. No, but I got a future, and I'm going to use it up. This is terrible. Terrible. What are we going to do? Well, what about you, Dr. Benny? Why don't you volunteer? Me? Why? I would, Dr. Wilson, but I can't. I just started an antipurl necklace. Otherwise, I'd be glad to. Oh, Doctor, I'm disappointed in you. Don't let this experiment down. Be brave and let that mosquito bite you. Very well, Miss Blake. I will. Oh, no, Doctor. No, what am I saying? Don't do what I love you. You mustn't do it. All right, then. I won't. Why, you dirty coward. What? And to think that I once loved you. Yes, just a second ago. Anyway, I'm not going. I've got all the important things to do. Why, Jack, you're yellow. Yes, you're yellow, Jack. Yellow Jack, yellow Jack, yellow Jack, yellow Jack, yellow Jack. Stop! And I'm yellow, Jack. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry. Stop it! I'll go. I'll go. It's for the advancement of civilization. civilization, and I must go through with it. Farewell, men. I may not come back alive. The following day, Dr. Benny has just entered the room where the poisonous stegomoya mosquitoes have in turn loose. He is wearing only a suit of armor. I am not. And the experiment begins. Well, where are they? Come on, you wing devils. Let's get this over with. Oh, there they are. There they are. Gee, they got a mean look. There's one close to me. Go away. He's getting closer. Scat! Scat! Lucky I got this flypaper on my chest. Well, this baby means business, but I'll get him. Get away! Get away! Now I got that one. Gee, that's only three of them so far. Where are the rest of them are? Ah, here comes a whole band of them. Oh, boy, swing, you singers. Gee, look at them. Good heavens. Here comes a big one. I can't stand this. I know what I'll do. Here comes a big one. I know what I'll do. I'll hide in this Murphy bed. Move over, Murphy. He's coming closer. Hey, are you a stegomaya? I ain't car again. Get away. Get away. I can't stand this. Got you. Yes, but you had to use a machine gun to do it. And so, folks, I was stung by the deadly stegomaya. It caught yellow fever, and I lived to marry Miss Blake, my nurse. Oh, darling. Oh, dear. Oh, honey. She just went out with Sergeant Harris. Oh, well, I'm a hero anyway. Playboy. It's not every day in the week that you can discover something brand new and different to have for dessert, but tomorrow you can. Yes, sir, you can go straight to your nearest grocery store and find three new desserts. Three delicious new jello puddings, butterscotch, vanilla, and chocolate. And they're three of the most tempting desserts that you've tasted in a long time. For the rich with real homemade goodness, that butterscotch pudding is smooth and mellow with good old fashioned brown sugar, and it has a swell sort of glossy taffy color. It's easy to make, too, for all you do is add some milk, then cook till the mixture's thick and smooth. Then try jello vanilla pudding. It's real vanilla. No artificial flavoring. It's cream colored and delicate, a family dessert you'll all enjoy. And that prime favorite, jello chocolate pudding, as rich and tempting as the kind that mother used to make, but far quicker and easier. The simple directions are in every package, and the swell-eyed is to ask your grocer for three packages at a time. Jello butterscotch, vanilla, and chocolate puddings. This is the last number of the second program in the new Jello series, and we will be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to announce that Sunday, October 16, an all-day carnival and garden party will be held on the New York World's fairground to enable the public to meet the stars of stage, screen, and radio in person for the benefit of the stage relief fund. And tomorrow night, Al Pearson, his gang, will begin a new series of broadcasts over most of these stations. You can see your local paper for the time. Be sure to listen in. I hope you like our little play tonight, and I would also like to announce folks that although the mosquitoes on our program tonight gave a vivid performance, they were not real stegomias. In fact, they did not sting. Hello, Georgine Levinson. Good night, folks. J-T-L-L-O And we'll see you tomorrow night over most of these same stations for Al Pearson, his gang. Check your local paper for the time and station. The pocket full of dreams is from the pictures sitting in the center. Kenny Baker appears on the Jello program through courtesy of Mervin Leroy Productions. This is a nice little broadcasting company.