 Hell yeah, what's up guys this is Chris Pike my friends call me big C back in action today I'm back using heartbeat moments Links in the description below and I found 18 moments that I really want to share with you And this is a video by kers exact or kers exact. No Kers Get zacked. I don't know how to pronounce it whatever guys But uh jokes aside it's it's about loneliness and more importantly Why it's so common in today's society? What you can do if you feel that way or if you if you feel like you're going down that path and and you know You're starting to see it You can see some of the symptoms some of the ways to fix it some of the uh opportunities that you or some of the things You can do part of me Whether it's therapy or you know just reaching out to somebody There's a lot of really great things in this video and i'll just be honest here as somebody I've suffered from this my whole life. I work from home I have a dog and I work in my house and you know I don't see a lot of people and and this gets to me and years ago I was clinically depressed in a really bad way. So this video really hits home for me I'm going to show you my favorite moments. Please join me on this and of course leave comments below letting me know What you thought of the video what your favorite moments from the video are and let's just get right into this All right. Thanks for watching. All right, so here I am I'm on heartbeat h.ki links in the description below And here are my moments that I found interesting for the loneliness video and there are 18 17 of them that are very Uh poignant to me again. These are my selections. You may have totally different selections I recommend watching the whole video, but I want to get to the parts that really meant a lot to me So let's kick this off at the 12 second mark. It gets right into it And uh, it's about chronic pain and loneliness for millions of people and how widespread it is. Let's get going Though the last few decades this occasional feeling has become chronic for millions In the uk 60 of 18 to 34 year olds say they often feel lonely In the us 46 of the entire population feel lonely regularly So those are some pretty high high high numbers 46 of all people in the us According to this study and again, I don't know where the studies are and how they got their numbers But assuming they're pretty close to correct 60 percent of young people 18 to 34 in the uk Those are just Amazing numbers now keep in mind. We're in the most connected time in all of human history So these are just amazing that this is happening. Let's look at the Stereotypes behind loneliness and they'll dispel a few of the myths here. Let's go forward to the 57 mark Common stereotype is that loneliness only happens to people who don't know how to talk to people Or how to behave around others Huh like me relation based studies have shown that social skills make practically no difference for adults when it comes to social connections So this was something that I found really interesting because I have pretty limited social skills as you can tell And I don't get out of the house much. I don't do a whole lot. I don't have a lot of friends I don't talk to a lot of people if I'm being honest But and I thought maybe that was the root cause But clearly according to this video it may not be so this just came across as something that I found very very interesting Also loneliness is apparently a bodily function. Let's move forward to the next moment. You're going to like this one What is it? Loneliness is a bodily function like hunger Hunger makes you pay attention to your physical needs. Wow loneliness makes you pay attention to your social needs Your body cares about your social needs because millions of years ago. It was a great indicator of how likely you were to survive So what an interesting thing. So there is a natural selection or a survival mechanism Built into this and this was I kind of thought there might be but I mean, it's really it's fascinating to see that You know a root cause could be you know, loneliness Social rejection things like that things that the video is going to talk about Amazing. Let's keep going here. I'm going to show you at the two minute and 10 second mark It talks about food having children and why we need to have a group to survive You were born into groups of 50 to 150 people which you usually stayed with for the rest of your life Getting enough calories staying safe and warm or caring for offspring was practically impossible alone Being together meant survival being alone meant death So think about that. I mean and it makes sense, you know, historically up until Maybe the agrarian revolution and definitely up into the industrial revolution, you know People would were tribal. We would move, you know, we'd move around in groups of 50 to 150 Like they said and that was like your group for Maybe your whole life or almost your whole life and now we're in, you know, these huge cities with Hundreds of thousands sometimes millions and multi millions of people and it's very easy to see how you know The traditional way that people live versus the way the world is now, especially when you have digital where you're connected to everybody It's just amazing. It's such a good point in this video. Let's move forward a little bit here about and talk about how exclusion Impacts the the fear of exclusion part of me and how that impacts loneliness Your ancestors the most dangerous threat to survival was not being eaten by a lion But not getting the social vibe of your group and being excluded To avoid that your body came up with social pain Pain of this kind is an evolutionary adaptation to rejection So think about that as well social pain So if you know, you got 100 people and 99 of them, you know, they get along good and you know, they're friendly And then one of them is just crazy or doing something, you know off the wall I mean today we're a much more, you know, understanding society and culture in most places and you know, instead of rejecting them, you know, it's uh There's like a, you know, maybe it's a mental health issue or maybe it's a Personality issue or maybe there's a lot of different things and there's lots of treatments But traditionally, you know, not the case people would be exiled and sent off and On into the loneliness on your own and if you're on your own There's a good chance you can't do all the things you need to do to survive and Well, you can't to propagate and have children either, obviously So let's move forward a little bit further. I want to show you about the I want to talk about the social net people Leave behind and you're gonna like this one. Watch this We move vast distances for new jobs love and education and leave our social net behind We meet fewer people in person and we meet them less often than in the past Yep in the u.s The mean number of close friends dropped from three in 1985 to two in 2011 So there you go. I mean We do more in life like we're we travel long distances to go to jobs and a lot of us do jobs that we don't like Jobs that maybe don't have a lot of meaning at least in the grand scheme of things And you know, you combine that with things like, you know, we're busier. We have fewer friends It's very easy to see how loneliness or an epidemic of loneliness could come out of that So let's go right into this next part. This is this one. I really like It's basically a one-second jump here, but people stumble into loneliness. Check this out. This is very convincing to me Most people stumble into chronic loneliness by accident You reach adult hood and become busy with work University romance kids and netflix There's just not enough time The most convenient and easy thing to sacrifice is time with friends Now I could tell you right now that this is true at least for me. This is something that I've struggled with I when I was younger. I had lots, you know, I had lots of friends, but I had friends But you know what I got older. I you know, I lot I started working more. I Quit doing some of my hobbies You know, I I'm just busy all the time. When do I have time to go out and You know, just hang out and watch a hockey game or something like that. I just I didn't make the time. I don't make the time and and watching a video like this Makes me really really think about that because I've lost a lot of good friends over the years and Yeah, I mean I mean, I'm no different than maybe most other people but yeah, that one really hits home So anyways, that's an interesting part for me. Let's skip forward a little bit here about how loneliness kills Yeah, this is this is getting into the darker side, but we're gonna go there Yikes large-scale studies have shown that the stress that comes from chronic loneliness Is among the most unhealthy things we can experience as humans watch this it makes you age quicker It makes cancer deadlier Alzheimer's advance faster your immune systems weaker loneliness Is twice as deadly as obesity and as deadly as smoking a pack of cigarettes a day Okay, so it's twice as deadly as obesity and similar to smoking a pack of cigarettes a day now I'm not necessarily obese, but I'm on the heavier side I live a lonely life like the the the bells are you know, what I'm talking about like the the alarm bells are ringing in my Ed here pretty clearly So yeah, I mean, I just wanted to share that with you and then more importantly I want to share the last part which is, uh, you know When you get lonely it changes us as a person the way we react To other people the way we we think the way we you know the way people look at situations We're gonna talk about that in in the next one and then at the end Some ideas on how you can you know stop that vicious cycle. We've got some moments on that too. So let's skip forward here to Uh, assuming the worst in other people's intentions. Here we go Loneliness makes you assume the worst about others intentions towards you True because of this perceived hostile world. You can become more self-centered to protect yourself Which can make you appear more cold Unfriendly and socially awkward than you really are so, I mean It's stuff we we kind of know deep down, but when you're going through it Something to think about right like sometimes A lonely person and I know lots of lonely people and even people in my family they They you know, they they live lonely lives and then when you interact with them you assume the worst, but Maybe that's just An outcome You know something that came out of their loneliness. So something to think about Let's now skip into some of the better parts which is talking about how to fix it So you can already see that it's here. So I'm just going to keep going with this How we can fix loneliness and how you can self-examine If loneliness has become a strong presence in your life The first thing you can do is to try to recognize the vicious cycle you may be trapped in It usually goes something like this An initial feeling of isolation leads to feelings of tension and sadness Which makes you focus your attention selectively on negative interactions with others This makes your thoughts about yourself and others more negative. Yep, which then changes your behavior You begin to avoid social interaction Which leads to more feelings of isolation? This cycle becomes more severe So there you have it it becomes a vicious circle or a vicious loop and it starts off slowly and Innocently it just you know, there's a slight change and then it just keeps on going and going and going So let's skip forward now To the self-examination and then more importantly how you can get help If this is something that you're going through or you're afraid you're going to go through So let's get there now You can self-examine what you focused your attention on and check if you are selectively concentrating on negative things Was this interaction with a colleague really negative? Or was it really neutral or even positive? What was the actual content of an interaction? What did the other person say? So one of the big things when you're going through loneliness is you know, just how you take in input Neutral input where someone says Hey, you look great today for example If you're going through some loneliness or depression or something like that you could take that as like, you know An unwanted advance or you know, I don't know what the terms are these days some sort of microaggression although I don't know what that means but In a lot of cases it just takes a time it take a second to step back and then just sort of assess The input or the stimulus so to speak Which is something traditionally I had a lot of hard. I had a hard time with especially In my 20s. I was a mess. But anyways, uh, this is something I I found to be an interesting moment The last thing I want to talk to you guys about here in terms of moments is professional help if you're struggling Let's go to that last part here If you feel unable to solve your situation by yourself, please try to reach out and get professional help It's not a sign of weakness, but of courage However, but we look at loneliness as a purely individual problem that needs solving to create more personal happiness Or as a public health crisis. It is something that deserves more attention Yeah, so basically if you're feeling, you know, if you're feeling these symptoms Or you're feeling lonely or something, you know in your life Reach out to you know, it takes it's brave to do this And you know what even if it comes down to leaving a comment on this video A guy like me who's been there and maybe I'm even there right now I will reach out to you back. I'll I'll message you back. I I really want, you know, I mean this video Really Speaks to me So please guys leave a comment Reach out get help watch the whole thing the link to the whole videos, you know in the description below You know There's help available someone's there for you Thanks for watching