 2022, this is a recent movie. This is 10 years after the last movie, which was made in 1890. 10. 10 years. 10 years since the last movie was made? 10 years since the last movie was made. And finally, they're back with a vengeance. I think Rags is broken. Fringy fix him. Wind him up. I feel like I'm gonna get with three bricks in the face. I see this on Prime all the time, and I always skip by it going, oh, oh. That's the noise you make? I don't know. Is this a horror movie? Maybe it's best to just go in completely blind. All I know is Gary watched it and said it's about Santa who's violent. It's like John Wick, but Santa, right? Well, something like that. And he said he gave it a half-hearted recommendation, which is good enough for me. I saw it. It's diehard in a house, basically. Oh, there you go. OK. OK. I hope I diehard in the house. All right. Nobody said hi and welcome to the one. Oh, hello, everyone. Hi. Sorry about that. We'll see you come in. All those people that were listening, just they were walking around the room, like, oh, you're even allowed to be here? What's happening? And then, you know. Yeah, you can you could show it. We were just chatting and you walked in and, you know, you just you just got to find your spot in the social circle of which we are. And then if that the only podcast with absolutely no intro videos basically ever except anniversary is a cast different. That's right. No intro. We're getting right into it. Three, two, one, go. Not really. Oh, I hit play. Oh, well, I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I, you know, oh, it shows my commitment. I guess it would have been amazing if we all did. Yeah, the problem is, even if we all did mail, someone would have been so unsure of it that they would have been. Nobody else would have done it. So yeah, the thing is, this is called Violet Night. I feel like this is what the last movie should have been called. So anyway, you guys ready? I'm ready. Three, two, one, Christmas. Christmas. Whoa. Bum, bum, bum. Grand orchestral fanfare playing. I don't know. The universe looks isn't that funny. I think it's pretty hilarious. Look how big it is. That's crazy. Oh, I think it's good. I'd say you're here for those. Oh, it's fine animations. Oh, yeah. They made a good company now. Bryce Dahl. We, Johnny's. Yeah, that's what the sign says. What country is this in? Bristol. Yes, the country of Bristol. That's not a country. The country is this. You don't know that that's not the country in this film. Oh, it's you. Another one. Oh, it's so vertical, so I'd like to change that. It's the Red Guardian. Is it your time of the month? Guy from Stranger Things. Who consistently kind of annoys me because he's capable of pretty great, pretty bright things. But he's a, but he like takes a lot of shit rolls. You just get off? I wonder if this is any shit. When two Santa's show about the bar, they have to fight. Did he just ask Santa if he got off? I jerked off in your beard. Between chefs, I guess you could say. You ain't driving, are you? No, the reindeer drive. I steer a little, but the reindeer do muscle work. Ah, there we go, yeah. Yeah, right, let the movie make the jokes. No. This is my fourth year as a Santa. How about you? Lost count. I forget why I started doing it in the first place. Oh, no, Santa. Same reason anybody does anything. The money. Oh, that's right. There's a lot of money in that part at the end of the day. It's the look on the kitty's face, isn't it? That's what does it for me. Last about two seconds. Two's are finished unwrapping. They want the next present. They want the next cool thing. That's how this world works. Yeah, little champions. You say that like it wasn't the case with the wooden trains and stuff. You always want the next train to add to that. I want the next wooden train. Maybe this is my last year. I think Santa saw the recent trends on Twitch and was like, that's enough. That's enough. I'm getting the titties out. Put your drinks on my tap, OK? Santa, take care of each other. I'm just not going to finish this beer. Yeah, I don't like it when it's for free. I don't know how it tastes shitty. Something given has no value. Free grass, something made trip. It's the new video games. Astro Blaster, Blaster, Astro, I don't know. Oh, that sounds made up. Trini, do you not play Astro Blaster? I'm just saying it sounds made up. It sounds like an Atari era game or something. How do you know I have a grandson? It's actually. She said, how did you know I had a grandson? I was like, it could just be a fucking gas. I don't know. Hey, you can't be up here. Wait a minute. Oh, my God. He's dead, Christ. He's a jumper. How dare you reference a chattel or some beer? Help me, Santa. Help me, Jesus Christ. Help me, Santa Christ. Santa Christ. We're doing a crane upshot. He is real. He's a real Santa. That would have been interesting if it was subtle and not just you showing it. Is it necessarily not? Is it now not interesting? We're following him, Rex. We're following his story. I think I would have kind of. Yeah, that's kind of funny. You get it? The magical. Oh, she's your man. Completely. Oh, God. Get it? Silent and violent sound very similar. Oh, that's all right. Man, I get the impression that that's where the idea came from, basically, that they're like, silent, violent. Oh, fuck. That sounds really like a movie. Eureka, we got an idea. Merry Christmas, Judy. Merry Christmas, Daddy. You're filthy animal. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Whoa. Oh, alone. I'm here getting meta. Thank you for doing this. I'm not doing it for you. Dang. This family is not cohesive. It's Christmas. Santa, save the family. Give them presents. This is a sparse street for Christmas Eve. It needs to be busier. I mean, there's no decorations. Oh, it's just a street. Rags is OK with not decorating. Not every tree, not every road has to be excessively decorated. I don't think that's crazy. Just some lights, anything. Hey, you back there true? Yeah, I bet you're excited for Christmas. What did you ask Santa for? I asked for you to get off my ass. Wow, about to play Big Mouse. Wow, that is a big house. That's probably CGI. It's probably not even a real house. I don't know. It's probably smaller than the McAllister's, though. The question is, is it as big on the inside like the Malignant House, or is it smaller? I will say it's a big house. I think it looks like shit. Damn, all right. Yeah, yeah, there. I said it. It needed to be said. Now look at these smooth camera movements. So smooth. That guy's suspicious. Oh, look at all these characters that we're setting up. I don't trust that elf. I wonder if he's evil. No, he's good because he made the little Santa go ho, ho, ho. Why did you call me a ho? That's rude. Evil people can do that, too, unfortunately. I don't think so. I've seen it. You want some of these foods? OK, no, OK. No, OK. I was going to have some. Gingerbread, sir. I'll never get over the fact that you grew up like this. My therapist says I'll never get over it either. I don't get it. Mental health. Did you know that if you have two turtle tubs, you give one turtle tubs to some turtle tubs. You have two different tubs. I think this is the year that mom's going to kick herself upstairs and choose one of us to start running the show. Oh, God. You're in the background doing TikToks or whatever. You've got to have the social media kid in every movie now. Like in Expandable 4. That was cringe. Watch out, motherfuckers. No, Exforndables. You loved Exforndables. Expandful bowls. Expandful bowls. I even forgot the movie. So fucking have some respect for Expendables. Expendables. Like how we talked about everything. Expendables sat down for 80% of his appearances. Yeah, that Bell's forge had some tangents. Oh, yeah, we didn't want to talk about Expendables. OK, I'm behind. Catch me up on all the hot goss. Are we about to get some exposition here? Oh, yeah, this is the Burnt Locker. Oh, look, see, that's pretty elegant. She asked who are these people, and then he recaps it for us as well. That's Burnt Locker, living that bling life. Living that bling life on Christmas Eve. Jesus Christ. Unbelievably cringe. He just got what I can only assume will be his first of many sexual harassment accusations. Why would? Wow. Are they setting all of these characters up so unsympathetic that when they die, nobody cares? If I was on one of those planes, 9-11 would have ended with a bunch of terrorist skydiving over Connecticut without their parachute. Oh, my gosh. Is this a reference to Home Alone 2 when Kevin McAllister goes to the Twin Towers? Yes. Oh, look, he's like he's he's a second. He's like David Beckham because he's kissing. That's true. You know how the straights are. He really does look like off-brand David Beckham. Not a chance. That's not going to work for me. It's Gertrude. It is Gertrude. Gert, get over here. Positions. Mom, I'm doing my Burnt Locker thing. That's the best you can do. Oh, my God, it's Dolly Parton. Listen, you cocksucker. Damn. She said cocksucker in front of the family. Yeah, well, Kevin McAllister said ass. So maybe you don't realize who I am. You know who I am. No, don't shit in my mouth and tell me it's a chocolate cake. OK, it's like she came in to say that and then left. Yeah, it's comedy. You named your kid Gertrude. You named your son Bertrude. Wait, his name is really Bertrude. Oh, that's why he's Bert. Merry Christmas to you, too, Senator. This is like the awkward family scene from Succession before that show got really shitty at the last season. I'm getting a glass onion vibes from this whole thing right now. I don't know if I'm getting quite that. I feel like Ryan Johnson has a particular aroma. Oh, no. You said aroma. I said odor. I wrote it. Aroma has more of a positive connotation. Orders like slightly negative. It's not as negative as stench. And what's my favorite granddaughter? Everybody calls me Trudy now. That makes her sound like a whore. That scene was clearly to try and introduce all those characters. Mostly just hate everyone. Again, so that when they die, you don't care so much. This setup reminds me of something like you're next, where like a killer is going to come in and like kill them all. Oh, no, no, Santa. If you're doing die hard. You're making Santa's business. Why wasn't this should have just been the fucking first scene? Yeah, I didn't see fucking that guy. I find this amusing. It's fucking shotgun and beer. Yeah, I'm just getting depressed about the commercialization of Christmas or whatever. It's funny. Cash. Cash, cash. Yeah. The Clinton Monument. The Santa Sprinkles. Yes, I'm Biden. Oh, he's getting coal and taking the beers. He gave him coal and he's taking the beer. How do you know he's a bad dad? Yeah, what if he tries his hardest? Yeah, what if he's doing his best? What if mom died and a car accident or something? Sometimes beer is all it takes to dull the pain. I never got to tell Santa what I wanted for Christmas. He's got a right side or a letter. You don't have to see him in person. Wouldn't it be really awkward, you know, like if a kid's like, I'm going to mail my letter to Santa. Here you go, postman. And then he turns the corner and sees a postman setting him all on fire and put a petrol over him. Seems unnecessary, but he can't deliver him. So he's got to destroy him. They can. They go to the North Pole. What? You think he's got to personally take them all the way to the doorway? No, no, no, not him. He has to work that general area. That summer, but they give it to people. And yes, they get it all the way. And the Norwegian government puts them in a big pile and burns them. He should never do that. Maybe they would. No, Santa gets them at the North Pole when they are delivered. And then he puts them in a big pile and sets them on fire. I don't know. Yes, Santa sets them on fire. Everybody asks where is Santa, not how is Santa? That's what this movie is asking, finally. Because you've been so good to me and mommy this year. To me. We decided that you could have one gift. What is it? That is a very special walkie-talkie. Once you got right there is a direct hotline of Santa Claus himself. Wait, does a walkie-talkie work when you're just laying in bed? I mean, you could press a button and do that, yeah. The other talkie's active. Well, you're you're or any other talkie. You can't fulfill the obligations of its name. Because you're not walking, I say. You can only talk. Oh, I see. That's a joke that I'm doing. Yeah, OK. It's it's really bad. I feel stupid and I'm angry at you for making that joke. I like that joke. Nice. Shut up. I can talk to Santa. Oh, yeah. It's just like writing in the letter. Don't you think there should be a movie where Santa is taken very seriously as like a political power? Like he does exist. He does deliver presents. He maybe does have a nice oil list like Homelander. He has borders and you can't go there. Like it's hostile. Like the elves will kill you if you go to his area. But simultaneously has connections with different governments. Influenced their domestic policy by saying, well, I'm putting. Well, yeah. When putting an embargo on you when a war happens. Yeah, he's like no more presents. That's what happened. The North Pole is a no fly zone for intercontinental ballistic missiles. And when like, you know, there's a meteor going there, like Santa, can you stop it? He's like, if it comes anywhere near this planet, I'm leaving. I'm going to Mars. Oh, look at the reindeer's. I hope it's really nicely. Which one of you did that? How is their poop? How is your poop there? Yeah, how was their poop all the way up there? How did he poop in front of them? No, Rudolph will never do that. He said, whoa, holy shit. That's Rudolph. Why do you need them if you just teleport? He doesn't teleport that quickly. You remember in the Santa Claus, how like the chimney expanded or did he shrink? Am I the only person I remember? I've seen this. Have you watched all the Santa Claus is bringing you a true fan? Have you watched the television show? The Santa Claus is streaming on Disney Plus. Ew. Get that Disney Plus out of his e-fab right now. The blah. Awesome pre-war shit right now. I didn't ever imagine I'd see Santa saying he had a pre-war shit. Honestly, the whole movie should have been his POV. Like, if he's going to kill a whole bunch of people, I don't need to know them. It's fine. Just make them anti-presence and then he's got to stop them. He's got to kill them all. Like, it doesn't have much to do with the Santa Claus chair. It's just Santa going to different houses and encountering people or learning things about them based on their part. Yeah, and getting his Christmas spirit back. Yeah, that feels like an interesting experiment. Let him watch Nightmare Before Christmas. That's a stuff. Yeah, he... Christmas is all right. You Americans don't celebrate my favorite holiday. Is he about to get shot in the head? What? Boxing day. Garbage day. You can watch that with e-fap movies at some point. Congratulations, snowflake. The elf was gay. Calm down. Oh, they're all in on it. Wait, Santa's in the other room right now? She's in on it, too. Yeah, I'm just hanging out. Yeah, well, that's the thing, right? Santa's arrived by chance and evil is happening. Say goodbye. And if your wi-fi sucks, date. Well, he probably has marble. You'd think you'd have fucking 5G. Oh, I got to kill Al. No, don't kill Al. Oh, John Lake was on, but look at him go. Oh, it's... Also known as Luigi. Merry Christmas. Or should I say Happy Holidays now? Oh, look, get it. Referencing the culture memes. My car broke down a little ways. Out here. This is a private road. That means your car legally belongs to us, sir. I'll call you a tow. Shoot. Oh, no. They actually killed him. Jesus. What was the point of all that if you were just going to shoot him anyway? Because he's theatrical. Shout out. Jingle. Check. Peppermint. Check. Oh, nice. Oh, wow, they've got Christmas themed. He's Krampus. Why isn't John Lake was on Krampus? Or is he Santa? Go off and change your bread. Are we going to use these stupid code names all night? I'm glad he pointed that out. Ah, there you go. That boy shouldn't have called attention to it. No, I'm happy he did because it's cringe. No, it's great. It's thematic. Incorrect. No, you can't code names like that in July or August. I guess it'd be like, this is Rabbit. This is Rabbit. This is Rabbit. They all have the same code name. That's right. They're all Rabbit. Walk away. I'm a company. Family. When does the Santa kill? I love digital blood splatters. They're so great. Oh, I see Santa's opinion. Oh, God, Santa's going to get PTSD. OK, see, this premise has huge potential, but I feel like they haven't yet cracked much of it. We'll see. No, because of your guns. What are you guys doing when she did all that? He's just whiter, Bob. These are just random people. Santa doing sitting down. He's got six billion kids to go visit. Oh, good job. What were you guys doing? They weren't shooting these guys who were right in front of them. What was that? What were you guys doing? You didn't even lock the doors. It might be one of the lamest things that films keep doing where, like, the bad guys will just fly through all of the security without sustaining any casualties whatsoever. If they did it in a way that was both viable, like a really well-planned and well-oiled machine sort of thing, that'd be one thing. But this is just a goofy and weird. It's always like this, yeah, where they just sort of roll through. It's not like in Die Hard where they were systematic. Oh, no. Who the hell are you? You can call me Mr. Scrooge. Why would you not shoot him immediately? Hilarious. Shoot him. Shoot him immediately. Just shoot him. Yeah, OK, well, what the fuck? Punch with a gun. Just punch with it. It just really is like John Wick. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. He has a particular set of skills. Ah, humbug, motherfucker. Oh, my God. Oh, my throat. Kind of low impact, actually, and not very good. Oh, slightly annoying. I would almost want to see an edit of this film that is just Santa. I actually think it would be better. Like, hearing. Imagine no context on this right now. The blood splatters and hearing these guys talking. Like, this would be great. Yeah. Yeah, like, if you had no context, he was just sitting there and heard gunshots. Like, what the hell? Yeah, a big. And they were like, using the Christmas code names, they dressed up and be like, what in the fuck is going on? Yeah, man, if you're going to do Die Hard, I mean, they did that with John McClain, just followed him the whole way. Pretty much, yeah. And that would be a really good blueprint. And it could be a really fucking funny movie. I mean, Die Hard is a great movie, but a lot of films can't quite do what Die Hard did. There's a reason Die Hard, like, set the precedent forever. No, no, no. Uh-oh, what's wrong? Why doesn't it work? This is so gingerbread! It needs to be because he's drunk. All right, if someone's thinking about it on that. Did you know that stocks are not for using? Well, the problem with the stock is it makes it harder to aim, right? It makes it less controllable. That's true. When you put it on in Cola Judy, it reduces your accuracy. What? Is that true? I can believe it. Yeah, of course. Yeah. I can't believe it, yeah, sure. I'm just going to scooch up that chimney. Did he just hit Santa with a gun? Okay, here's the question, because I kind of almost want to just keep tweaking this movie as we go along and pretending it's not the movie it actually is. Would you guys make Santa immune to bullets or like a Wolverine or regular? I don't think I'd ever have it to worry. Why would he have bullet immunity, you know? Why would that be? I wouldn't want to, I don't think I'd want to go the way of like it bounces off him, but I wouldn't mind doing the Wolverine thing. Because he's obviously not human, Santa. That's like the idea, right? Ah, so now he's trapped. I feel like it would immediately suck a lot of the tension out if he really couldn't survive it. I think I had one, like if he was bulletproof, I probably wouldn't want to do that. Maybe I'd make him stronger. Wow, that actually showed the surprise of being hot. Yeah, that's neat detail. Yeah, because those things get hot as fuck. Well, I feel like it'd be interesting if you incorporated the reindeer's into it, you know, like he gets dancing to kick one of them in the face or something. Like strangling with Christmas tree lights. That's that's a thing you should have in this load of those kinds of things. I'm sure you can use the candy stick at some point. Yeah, he's going to use candy to stop someone. That's what I mean, there's so many of those types of things that they bet it's what you call it. The middle car is a candy stick. Candy stick. Pump pumps into the gym and finish it. Oh, jeez. Oh, no, it's connected to you, buddy. Oh, no. Oh, get the lights off you. He needs to do that thing with the candy canes where he has to lick it so it gets to a sharp point. Like he's comedically hurryingly. That would be a good meme. Yeah, that would be a good meme. Right through the camera. They should have shown that, lame. They should have shown that, yeah. It probably wouldn't have looked good if they did. Maybe that's why they didn't show it. Yeah, I think they might have done that. The blood splatters with the shooty shoots aren't very good. They only made the right move as far as I'm concerned if they couldn't make it look good, him getting impaled. Which they probably couldn't. Do you think Santa would have like a special whistle called the reindeer backer? Damn, should reindeer leave me here to die? What a strange line did you say? I do like whether we can discuss whether all the mechanics of Santa make sense. It's like, you better have the mechanics doubt, OK? Gory night, all is calm. I don't care. Back to Santa. More funny. Do you have any idea who you're fucking with? I've had enough of your snide insinuations. Shit, crap. I wanted to make syllables in there. Did you actually think that I spent months planning a complex break into the most secure private residence in the country and I didn't know who lived here? That was not a good plan considering months. You didn't, there wasn't really a plan. You just shot everyone with guns. Twig-like female soldier, knife attacking four men. I don't know how that's a great plan. Shut the fuck up. Wow. Just wasting. Geez. You know what they're wasting for? Joke opportunities. I can't walk away. He's got to see, like, because this could be so much better. Like, it's this is acceptable. It's just that the whole big cookie is God damn it. I have to risk my life. So much like a scene from my movie, Dark Ransom. OK, he is an enigma. He occasionally looks like David Beckman, then not. It's confusing me. If you'd really done your research, you'd know that my brother, Rory, was kidnapped in the 70s. I'm surprised her face is still, like, fully functional because it looks like a break if you punched her. Dude, extraction. But Santa would have been so fucking cool. Oh, that'd be great. Yeah, he's a good Santa. An elf or something, an elf has been abducted because they want to make toys for gradually to break. And then Santa comes in. Why haven't they made that movie? Oh, my God. You'd have, like, an elf team six sort of thing and they all get killed and Santa has to go himself. See, I know a lot, Gertrude, like the fact that you have 300 million in US dollars sitting in your personal vault downstairs. He says 300 million in US dollars but he's obviously just trying to do the diehard thing of, like, negotiable bearer bonds. Like, nobody says in US dollars. This is a dumb scene. Just have him slowly opening the big safe in the basement without going into the hole. Yeah, for you. This is right, but the amount of time is being spent on shit that doesn't, like, matter. This is not what you need to make the film about. It's a big mansion. I assume they're here for money. Then again, are they in England? Is that why they said US dollars? No, I think they're in, I guess, yeah. They're in Connecticut. Oh, I can't. Oh, no, yes. The opening was in Bristol, but he's not now. Yeah, yeah. Oh, OK. It's a weird looking safe. We're spending too much time not being funny. It is a weird looking safe, yeah. Why are we requiring so much time when these guys just set us up? So, yeah, nobody cares about these guys. Everything should be absurd. And that's the way to crank this. You've already made it so Santa's a real fucking person. You've got to have way more jokes if you're going to do something like this, yeah. I think this thinks it does have jokes, though. I think so. And I can't believe how much the writer decided that plot was important is kind of nuts, at least by comparison to the jokes. I feel like now would be a scene that would have Santa in like snow camouflage, kind of like a ghillie suit. Yeah. Seriously. I would want to spend like a whole week going through all like Christmas related things and then finding a way to incorporate all of it as jokes. You need that scene where we hit the second act low point where he like suits up and you get all the Christmas related things, but it's all like like commando, you know. And they're all, yeah, like exactly, pom-pom grenades, candy cane, like swords. Sticks candy canes in his belt, like he's sharp. Yeah, exactly. Like throwing stars. They're all going to be like, you know, fucking peppermint candy or something. No, no, throwing stars, but they're the stars you put on top of the tree. I don't know if you need if it's a star on the tree, that needs to be much more special than a throwing star. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, throwing stars could be just random ornaments on the tree. He plucks off an ornament and throws it and plucks off an ornament and throws it. And yeah, you need like tinsel, but he uses it to strangle people. Well, we have the Christmas of your life strangling. We've got to come up with someone else. First, somebody asked for a bastard, a sorter, a mullet of cocktails. This is a good guy that he has the sack and he's just pulling presents out and hoping for a weapon. That's good shit. Yeah, he's just throwing stuff. You cut to the villain in random things or hitting him stuffed animals and, you know, a different present. Maybe a gag is like he thinks it's a statue, but it's like chocolate. I heard a blu-ray. Oh, I got it. You're my hard man. That's something. Yeah, it's something. Say he's on dipshit. Oh, he doesn't know how to use it. See, that's another thing about the angle of Santa. You could make him badass or you can make him like this, which is a, I don't mind either, I guess. You can whip it both. I kind of like it where he isn't a badass, but he's kind of like. I want to do both. Maybe you could do both. You could have the very happy sort of, you know, quintessential Santa, but then he's like fucks people up. Yeah, yeah, you could go that angle, too. But what I was going to say is you could have had two Santas, right? And this is the one that's taking over for the previous, the previous really good, but you know, like the beginning of Into the Spider-Verse. Well, big fat guy, I'm going to rip your fucking balls off. But with Santas instead of Spider-Man. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. They could have, they could have, like what they did with, they did with Santa, you know, in the Woodland Critic Christmas where he just whips out a shotgun and just stung. Hell he does. Or maybe he pulls like a gun out of the bag and he's like, thank God for Texas or something. And it's like a shotgun with a bow on it, you know. Oh, that was strange, but I guess it worked. That was weird. Why would the darts come out of it? I don't know. It's the other way. Nobody can hear this, I guess, as well. No, we didn't hear the assault rifle. So video games. What if you put him in the sack and then you cut to his POV and it's some ethereal light? Yeah, it was just falling and falling and then this is. That's the joke that needs to go on for a while where he keeps hitting him in the head with little ornaments over and over and over. Oh, there we go. The payoff would be the final, what actually works. Man, you calmed down pretty quick from getting your eye gotten gut. Oh, man. That's a little like that. That's a little like that. That's all right. All right. There you go. That's something. Oh, my goodness. Oh, Jesus. Calm down. All right, let's calm down. No, I want to crank it up. This film should be more shit. Smoking. His head just explodes. Wait a minute. That probably would be a good joke if it exploded. That sound is like, oh, come on. Jesus. Now I have a gun. You should pat it out. You should pat it out with his glove. Yeah. That would be, they should do that. They should do the eye of a gun. That'd be like a fun callback except he's Santa. You could try and subvert it though as well. He gets interrupted or... Hello, can anybody hear me? Oh, look, they set up the walkie-talkie. They did. Yeah, I'm not even kidding. That scene we just had, that needs to be about maybe 60% of the movie. Yeah. That was great. Daddy said you were very busy tonight. All right. All right. His face is still on fire. That's funny. That was funny. Santa was like weirdly looking at it. Yeah. Like as we go to it every once in a while. It's just weird. I don't like how tacky that looks. Yeah, it looks tacky. Yeah, it should look like an old scroll. It should be magical to scroll, and then the writing appears. Here are my nice lists. Which means you get to live. Yeah. They need that pay off of like, they probably will do that. One of these guys will be naughty. Or they go for the angle of like, maybe the kid's been naughty, but the kid learns to be nice or be good. Something like that. That would be an interesting angle. Oh, there it is. Yeah. Take a lump of coal. Shove it straight up. The ass. Man, come on. You want to keep it on the nice list, you know? Sorry. Can I say butthole then? I mean, it's borderline. It's borderline. Oh, Anus. Technically, yes. Anus is the tech. It's all funny. Because you could go a couple ways with this. Like if she was naughty, then he could be like, ah, maybe, I don't know. Then he has to convince him. Like I was beaten when I was younger. That's why I'm like fucked up or something. Yeah, something that the kid does to be good or something like that. All right. You're telling me there's a goddamn Santa Claus running around here? We're wasting too much time with these gaggle fucks. Yeah, I couldn't care less about these fuckers. I think all I'd want to do with these guys is give them code names and maybe even a thematic costume. Oh, dude. You do a Krauser Leon thing. Like one of these guys has met Santa before. Yeah. Oh, the old guy, the leader. The old one, I never forgot it. Yeah, he was on the naughty list exactly. And he's going to get back. Frosty. He's doing it. He's doing it. He's got a star in his face and his head caught on fire. It's a long story. And then I want to find my reindeer and I want to continue delivering my presents. Are you fucking with me? Are you fucking with me? Good reaction, yeah. Yeah, I think I would go the way of... I kind of like the big bad guy, not knowing who he is, but if you had like a mere scenario as part of the group who's really good but he's familiar with Santa and you know sells it to them is like don't fuck with this guy. What if he's really familiar with Santa and he betrays the group because he wants to have a one-on-one showdown with him or something? We could do like Willem Dafoe and John Wick. Maybe you and I should discuss that in person. Santa Claus is coming to town. Okay, I like this. Who did you hire to play Santa at your Christmas party, huh? I would have made the joke that he actually like chokes her out and she's unconscious. Then he goes, fuck! Wakes it back up. He just steps her on the face and stuff. They should be jokes constantly, like dodgeball or a game playing, something like that. Because people say like you never get any comedies anymore. It's like, I guess we still do. It's just that the no way near as good. I'm gonna torture everyone in your family until you tell me who's running around your mansion playing Santa and fucking with my shit and who should I pick first? Pick Jason. Jason. Yeah, I like that. We'll see, but then Jason should be like if they're telling you to pick me, they're just not gonna work. We don't need to do that. No, it's okay. No. We don't need to do this. I like how he's awkwardly struggling. No, no, no, no. No, that's fine. Don't do that. You're using the nutcracker. Geez, that's a unique way to do it. I've never seen somebody using nutcracker like a nutcracker as a torture device. Also, we set up a lot of time with the family at the beginning, and they haven't really benefited at all. It's not called a fingercracker. Take one of his bozaks in there. I'm not touching his balls. I'm not touching his balls. I figured it out. I was gonna go after that. Yeah, I thought I was gonna go after the nutcracker, but with his nuts. You want me to scoop his brains out? I'll scoop his brains out right now, but I'm not touching his junk. I'll scoop his brains out, but I'm not touching his balls. I don't care who does it. I better be looking at flat balls like in three seconds. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. He would be a bit awkward stuffing a testicle in that mouth. Things I never thought I'd hear from John. What if you had it where, like, I don't know, the kid was there in the fight and said, Santa, I want a katana, and then he could just pull a katana straight out of there? Oh, yeah. I want a grenade launcher. You want to talk to Santa? Yes, I am. No, you're not. Come on now. Yes, I am. Damn it, Judy. Santa isn't real. Santa is just the thing adults tell kids to make him feel better, OK? But if Santa is actually real, then how do you explain all the presents that are explicitly delivered? That's the thing about this. You can't say he's not real. Is it? When you show that he's real. Well, when you went to that house and all the Amazon boxes were there is the implication that he's just getting out done by, like, regular delivery or whatever. Yeah, let's come back east and ruin the Easter bunny for it too, huh? Wait, does he just let the kid go? Nice. Oh, well, it's the end for her. All right, well, yeah. Next. Oh, he's got his little... Is he going to quarter-ride his wind or something? No, he's got his tattoos and everything. See, that's another opportunity that I feel like should have been taken, maybe, with particular tattoos, because those more... Yes, he is quarter-rising it. Yeah, like really lean hard into the mythos of the ancient Santa. Yeah, pagan myths and everything. Yeah, I approve. This is another scene that I'd probably want to have, but I still wouldn't have settled on whether or not I want to make him... Because he seems kind of very killable, you know? Yeah, it's not like... It's kind of a thing too. It's all like, he's sustained no injuries on the job at all. You figured he'd have some kind of... Well, he's got his gauze. He's got his gauze. Maybe we go the route of he's like very, very lucky and things just constantly miss him and the bad guys are trying to get him and they just can't. He's putting candy in the paper. Yeah, that's how I like that. That's good, that's good. It should be that. Oh, yeah. Makes a little tie, bow tie. I'm worried there, you know? I think maybe just more durable. That's all. It just helps with the whole mythical being thing. Oh, shit. Wait, what are we doing? Viking. Do we do this origin? Yo, what if that's all they fucking showed? That would be so interesting. That would be cool. I'm good. I was just wrapping something up. Nice. I can set up booby traps. Like in Home Alone. Oh my gosh. Who would have known how perfect it was that we set up this thing? Did you do that on purpose? I had no idea Home Alone would reference to this, but fine with me. And then I remember the next year and you said you had this amazing dream and that afterwards all you wanted to do was... To fly. To fly. How the fuck did that creepy assassin lady lose her? I don't know. I have no idea. Chris was magic. And if he's using their radios, can't they hear her when she said, I'm in the attic. Oh, maybe change the frequency or something. Maybe because she's on her little walkie-talkie. Yeah, but he's using the assassin's walkies to talk to her. Yeah, but he's on her channel. Frequency. And how the men communicate at the first time, you know? Yeah. Well, he was fiddling with it. It was just luck. Just luck? I think it was just luck, yeah. Mrs. Claus and I have been going on year 1,100. Coroner relationships are complicated. Do you still love her? Yeah, I do. Damn. We're having this conversation, huh? Mm-hmm. I mean, the house is not that big. I feel like they should find one of the two pretty soon. No magic just goes away. Yeah, Sans is divorced. Yeah. But see, yeah, like, you know... It is. You could make that fun. It is 2022. So, of course, Dan is divorced. To the size of the place, it's easier to accept Die Hardt or not fucking Die Hardt. John McClain losing the terrorists because it's in a skyscraper, but they would probably be checking the rooms in the house, right? Like, find him. He's in here somewhere. He got you something amazing. What could it be? This guy is really in the Christmas spirit. Yeah. With his HK416, they're really splurging. They call this... A pitch deck. It's called Explosive Force. They don't want us to like anybody except for the main guy in his family. Yeah, it's like... This guy did too many smooches. Fuck him. It's so cynical. We're not even meant to like the hostages. There's a level of cynicism I would appreciate, but this is just kind of lame. Like, Linda Gertrude really did actually like it if she got the opportunity to finance a really cool, you know? They're all selfish. I get it. It's a sentimental photo of the day I was born. She doesn't give a shit. Sorry, you missed again. That's gone for me. He just throws it. Tell me, how about another one? I got you a lot of good things. I'll grab one. Is it all just pictures of you at varying ages? Dude, that can be fun too if the interrogation just became him trolling the family because he realizes how much they hate each other. That's my favorite whiskey. You can skip the note. What is this drama gonna be? I don't love you. He said he was under your thumb. Yeah, he said he was like leaving the company or something. We're doing camera push-ins. It's a big thing. Thank you, Jason. Gertrude is turning up to be an interesting kind of character. I think I'll just keep that between Jason and I. Oh, they made it too obvious. Yeah, of course I had a mommy and dad. Can we get back to Sansa killing people? Yeah, we need to be violent. I even appreciate the little conversations he can have with her throughout the film. There's so much we can do. We're wasting too much time, damn it. Yeah. Kick in the homelone trap setting music and go to town, set up things in the attic. Yeah, I mean, I guess that's what we're waiting for next. Give thing, please. Oh, we're going back. I guess we're doing more. Back to the Viking shit. Please call me, yeah. Nicomand. Nicomand the Red. I thought it would have been interesting if what we got before was literally the only That was not why it was. I guess there's no way. Yeah, we have to, yeah. I was a warrior, a raider, a thief. Oh, man, you used to steal presents. Somebody got in my way. Skull Crusher. Skull Crusher. My hammer, a surgeon with that thing. Used to be able to take three heads and line them up. It's okay. I wonder if maybe that should have been the opening scene or at least one half of it. And then the second half is like him at the bar. I mean, if there was a naughty list back then I'd be top dog. It's interesting that now he, you know, for eternity gives people things after being that. Maybe you can use them to do good things instead. What do you mean? Why is the girl teaching Santa things? Like a line between this sort of thing and reinvigorating his spirit. Santa should be extremely wise and sagacious. It feels a bit early for this. Yeah. Yeah, there should be second act low point stuff. Just kill people again. No, not back to those guys. And the context would probably be that you overhear her saying this to the bad guys. I like my operations like I like the fuck. Cringe. Who the fuck are these guys? I don't like Santa later because he doesn't wear protective gear. Exactly. Fuck her up, Santa, come on. She's not looking very hard. Put her in the bag, send her away. There you go. They're all going to do the tinsel, but they've done the payoff with the Christmas tree lights. Trader. Trader. That sounds amusing. I can't catch up to him. He's too fast. Yeah. If only I had a gun that I could shoot him with. Oh, hey. Why doesn't she just shoot through the door? Yeah. Dude, the hinges. Yeah. Why? Why? That's not going to do anything. What? What? That's not what it would do. Oh, is he knocked out because of that? That's lame. Yeah. I tell me they caught Santa now. I kind of like the idea that he was getting drunk upstairs and then he had noises came down and saw all this. Kind of moron. Carries a chest set with him. Have they not noticed yet that it's an infinite bag? What the fuck? Turn it upside down and just pour. So. You're Mr. Scrooge. That's right. But who are you? Why Noxmon? That's not how you say it. Say Jolly Old St. Nick. Jolly Old St. Nick. Yay. Yay. I like how even after doing this for a thousand years the magic is still like a mystery to him. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Oh, coconut. Yeah. I think people agree bounty is the worst of the chocolate bars. I like bounty. I didn't say don't like it. I just wanted to say that. I'm not familiar with that one. Fuck you. With a fucking trick bag. That bag was full of kids' dreams. Everybody knows that Christmas dreams are bullshit. Christmas dreams are bullshit. What? They burned the bag. Oh, I feel like we could have done a lot with a bag. Yeah. It should be unburned. Watch like all the presents in the entire bank come flying out. Like maybe it'll magic back because that's how it works or something. Like Jay Longbone was saying I think that should have been like protected by its magic. Like I don't like it being incinerated like that. Now it's just gone. He just tried to destroy it and he just can't. I would prefer that, yeah. He shoots at it. Yeah. Like why won't it burn? God damn it. I like when he's fucking with it, you know, he keeps dropping out presents constantly and he keeps like tripping over it. It's not funny. Christmas couldn't even afford a tree. No Christmas dinner. No gifts. Nothing. Nada. Cool or dick. Our neighbors. Our neighbors are all they had at all. I can see all that yuletide cheer through their window mocking me. Who the hell cares? I don't care about this guy's motivation. No, I don't give a fuck at all. I don't give a shit. Yeah, he's responsible for many deaths and he's a terrible person. It's not even that. I just, that's just not fun. Just get on with it. That is why I am bad, dude. Yeah, I'm not just here to steal shit. I also just particularly hate Christmas. It's like, okay, fine. So you see, Christmas ruined my life. Christmas ruined my life. Christmas is on the phone. Is that Huffy bike you wanted back in 82? One you wrote me 50 times about. You made your brother eat worms. That's naughty. I'm Santa Claus. It wasn't ready before. I also just find it a bit like, I mean, didn't the bag make you think this is... You have a bag that seems to violate Euclidean geometry. You have him knowing everyone's names and what they want for Christmas. The crazy irony of it all is if you turned it upside down in like a vault, you'd get infinite, you know, stuff. Well, that would be an interesting mix where they think, forget the vault. We have Santa's magic bag. That's like more valuable than anything. Well, why are they wowed by this and not the magic bag? I totally know. Oh, there you go. I guess he's sober now. That's okay. He got his hand free so he could tap his nose and do it. That could have been a good motivation or something where he's eventually able to use his magic. You can't fit up there. It's impossible when you see one weird thing and then you think you're in a fairy tale. You just disappear. On top of knowing very oddly specific information about my wife. And just so we're clear, we're already there with the magic bag. They should have found this multi-nice list from his outfit as well. Does this mean we can finally get a long action scene? Please. I feel like we've earned it now. But if it's action scene with the gunman and the gunman, it'll just be Pew Pew and them falling over and it'll be shit. Hopefully it's not. Yeah, hopefully it's more than that. What are you going to do, little elf bitch? Yeah. Hashtag fresh. Parkour. Okay, that's kind of funny. Morgan's going to save us. No, he's going to run away like a little bitch. I think it would have been kind of to have him say like, I'll save you and then run. Well, that's a setup for later. He could come back later in the story. Identify yourself. One of the hostages. Morgan Steele. Someone might have said this already, but this is straight out of die hard too. Like the special ops on fucking snowmobiles. I think they're ready for you. They better be. Yep. Yep. And then the bad guys too. I was going to say it. Did it not feel like the second he started speaking to them that he was going to die? Yeah, it was the way that he was all framed and shit why it's like, yeah. Cool. Again. Why show us this? It's not. There's no point. Keep showing us that. I don't know the bad guys. They just killed a guy. It's also going to take you ages like CG to do that. Just don't. That's the other fucking irony of this. If they had done the parchment with the appearing simple ink, like that would have been cheaper. We got a while go for running around complicated shit and causing problems. I'm in to address the Santa, but I'm telling you, I'm telling you there's something weird about him. Might be the real Santa. Might be the real Santa. Yeah, maybe. This would be a fun conversation where they have to convince the extra killers and everything that it was the real Santa. I like the idea that they would push back on him being Santa, but he would then command the squad to be aware of a, you know, like dimensional traveling being that can spawn presents dresses in red. You know, it describes it all the very military way, but never uses like Santa. What the fuck? What the fuck? My worry is that he'll wipe them all out in a generic way instead of it being fun Santa things. Wait a minute. Oh, no. Are they out of guy? No, they're still somewhere. They're out of money. We've been bamboozled. Maybe the boxes are worth money. I'm telling you, my intel was rock solid. I had guys on the inside. What an inconvenient door. Like, you're telling me they picked these things up over the threshold? Somebody must have intercepted it. Son of a bitch. It is funny they gave up on looking for her when, as was said, if they just went room by room, they would find her easily. Santa's been walking around injured for a lot of this. Yeah, like he needs to be doing more things. Ugh. Santa. Are they going to have another conversation? Yeah, we're going to sit on the radio again. Here we go. Come on. I've accomplished nothing since their last message just to be clear. I'm sorry, I think this is it, kid. No, no, don't say that. Believe in yourself and others will believe in you. Chicks love confidence. Now go. The clitoris has spoken. That's all ready for launch. This is so that they can turn it upright. So he could hold his laptop on it. I don't get it. We were robbed of an action scene like about 10 minutes back. That's when we were old when we still haven't had it yet. I wish I could see Mrs. Clones again. They really should have combined these two scenes, though. Yeah. Oh yeah, we don't need another one of these. Is he not going to get shot because he has to go down now? Oh, jeez. What's wrong with that ring? Uh-oh. Oh, like the legendary Hamas skull crusher. Yeah. That's way more boring than it... Yeah, exactly. It's way more boring than Christmas-named one. Yeah, there's nothing Christmassy about it. We're inventing some backstory where he was this... Yes, that's what they should have done. Anuses. Did you hear a yeah in the attic? But Santa's going to lose. No, he's wrong. There's many men with rifles. He's going to deflect the bullets with the hammer. He's going to hammer them back to them Oh my goodness. Santa's going to eat through these guys. Like a plate full of cookies. Sledgehammer beats 10 automatic rifles, didn't you know? Yeah, man. You know, it's the same with everything, but like this script was the most important thing. You just spent so long getting this script right, so many jokes got to get in there. And then you got to redraft and face it out and fucking watch Die Hard and copy it. Yeah. Copy it. Copy it. It's not Christmassy, that's the problem. They're doing that again, third time. What was that? What was that? I don't know. Is it a random thing or something? Why are you doing that? He hates Christmas, remember? He hates Christmas, yeah. Christmas ruined his life. Where's the money I will shoot every last one of you and enjoy it? All the Santa scenes are the times where we're either praising or asking for tweaks. These scenes were just sleeping. One of your shithead kids moved the money and this upsets me. I find this distasteful. To me. What if you randomly shoot the only person who knows where it is? Oh fuck you people. That seems uncharacteristic for the... Yeah, why'd they make the dumb fucks say that? Yeah. Candy, you stink. He's doing the thing. The TikTok influencers are actually really smart. Because that's a good payoff to have. They should do it. I hope they do. Here I come. Swinging with my bare hands. Swinging with my bare hands. Not Christmassy enough. What? What? Oh there we go. He's shanky. He did the thing. There we go. I think they got longer. Where were these skills earlier in the basement? He's been rejuvenated. Go pick up your gun while the other one is holding back. It's just so lame. Man, I really do see the... He's in the dark and he's just stabbing some random military dudes. Dude drop their weapons and start swinging. He's stabbing them all directly in the camera too. That's kind of Christmassy. Did he drop his hammer somewhere? Oh, I tried to stab him with my gun. It didn't work. Now I'm getting actually stabbed. I thought it was a stabbing gun. How many of these guys are there? A lot. You could see on the laptop there was probably like 30 or 40. So that's why they're here is so that there were more bad guys for him to kill. Because they wasted time instead of having one-on-one showdowns with the other guys. Yeah, we should have split them into two teams. I wouldn't even have the military guys. It's just like the six or seven in the mansion. Yeah. What? You didn't have your gun loaded? Not at all. You don't load your gun when you're trying to kill people with it. If it doesn't look this far heavy though, so that's fine. His helmet just disappeared for a second. Stop running towards him. Why would I keep running at him? He's really his job, Wic. They just set their rifles down and don't punch, punch. I should shoot him with my gun. Jesus Christ. No, Santa Claus. Just jolly old Saint Nick. Okay, he doesn't have a sidearm, but he has a grenade. Okay. He said I got the one. That's funny just because of how silly that is. It's just a silly fireball. Yeah, he was way too quick. It's already over, isn't it? Yeah. I don't think it was very good at all. It wasn't very good. Yeah. It was pretty good. It was a really Christmas. You need a mauve. Yeah, where's the mauve? He's the final boss. I don't know why you don't see more of it. Create that level of creativity. Like if there was one bad guy who keeps narrowly escaping Santa, but he's like useless and gangly and embarrassed and maybe gets spared at the end. Something different instead of all the generic. He's killed now. He's killed now. He's killed now. He's killed now. Most of them by the hammer. Don't be an idiot. Where's my wife? The fucking gun to her head. How'd you find out that we were coming off? I didn't. I was stealing it. I was planning to take the money and leave with my wife and daughter tonight and never come back here. I don't care. If you steal it, it's not her money, so you don't... I don't know. Come on, Alba. Everything she ever gave you, she made damn sure we knew she had the power to take right back. Snore. Dumbled. What are we doing here? Family therapy or doing an eye? He speaks for us all. Yeah, I like that guy. Somehow the best carries to her. Hope he's alive. Look at this little idiot. Are you shitting me? She just had a thing directly underneath the ladder that pointed where she was. They never looked. Holy fuck. Is it really that simple? They just never looked. I see. Because it's home alone. It's going to work on him, then, I guess. Yes, it is. He's going to get impaled. Yeah, there you go. There you go. So these are the realistic consequences of these traps. Why are you doing that? Help him off at first. Lift it up. Jesus. Come up. There's no honor among thieves, you guys. Are they about to make the fucking scene with him more interesting than the Santa killing scenes? Could be. Your life is not great from here on out. That's a lot of bowling balls. Yeah, it sucks, man. Those were all in his ass. That's a lot of bowling balls. Ew. Why would you look directly at it? Why are you looking down the bore of the nail? What are you doing? Why would you do that? Come on. Oh, they didn't put it in his eye, I guess. Oh. So he's dead then. Why is this way better than the Santa stuff? That's crazy. It's much more entertaining. Uh-oh. Oh, she's in goo. Blimey, sticky goo. If you lifted it up, why are you... The format they've been doing is that it doesn't work, but then it does work. Wait, what? Why is she... Oh. The shoes are stuck, yeah. What is that? What was up on that attic? Okay, what? What was that? How did it work? What the fuck? Was that a skull? Yeah, it ripped off her flesh. Oh, God. Did you not see that? Keep going, keep walking on him. This is seriously homo-loads rip-off. Did you not see her load that up? She loaded that pretty fucking quick onto that elastic. I would have actually given a lot of points to this movie if she had just fucking shot her as a result of all that. I've been like, this is what fucking happens when you throw fucking dumbbells at people's heads. If we're going with the realistic consequences of home alone and have it applied to both sides. Yeah, right. I mean, movie traps like in the movie, it was so funny. When you go down and see what you've done, maybe put your fingers in your ears and sing Jingle Bells. Let's see. So the obvious joke here that she sings the whole song and they have a big fight, the two of them. Naughty. All right. I got something. All right. Well. Naughty. Why would she question the girl's innocence? Yeah, exactly. Is this going to be a twist? Is she a naughty girl? Because she's a part of that family and they're known for being swindlers or something. The thing is, though, they're known for being swindlers or something. The thing is, though, that she showed up as nice on his list and his list has got better authority than any character has. The three wise men presented him with gifts of frankincense were gold. And cold hard cash. Oh, no, cash. Oh, that's what they should have said. If he said gold and picked up cash, I would have understood that it's basically the same thing. Yeah, it should. It's time for a murder. That's fucking good. He enjoys what he does. That's it. And that's what you need. That's what you want. I hate to be mean. I'm so ready for this film to be finished. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You got to kill Atlanta first. What the hell, Bert? As they shoot him first. Oh, OK. Well, now it's a little bit more complicated. Wouldn't it have been funny if they argued for ages and ages so that he just turns to the third when it shoots her? Just because he's like, I don't know. No! Oh, but there's a chimney right behind them. So... Hmm. Maybe Sass is going to pop out. Yeah. Kill him with a chimney. A white-less pitch. Chimney powers. Yeah, they are. There you go. Oh, OK. I guess it's not that then. That's how flammable it is. This is depressing. Yeah, I'm bored. I also kind of wanted them to die so. Yeah, it's them. So they got him. Oh, she's like the armorer from The Mandalorian. She's fighting with tongs. It would have been way funnier if he just pulled open a grenade so they hadn't realized. What was that sound? That's the sound that it would make. Your jaw makes when it slaps together. It goes m-m-m-m-well. The squishy head sounds. Oh, there you go. Hi. Hi. OK, so that is just it for him, really. OK, wow. What a boring ending for that character. What the hell? I love how there was a fucking... the fireplace was set up. It was all right there. I didn't even do it. I didn't even get a fireplace. That would have been so cool to have Santa come in and he gets behind him, teleports behind you. We're sitting right there. Pulls him back up through the chimney. Imagine he grabs him, does the teleport, and it grinds the whole body through the chimney and shoots out the top at a big fountain. That would have been fucking awesome. That would have been great. That would have been the perfect ending for that character because he's so wacky. I kind of hate this movie, even though there's plenty I like in it. I kind of hate it. There are some things I like, but a lot of it is... It was right there. You had all of the things you needed to do a cool movie. Aim! Shit! Look through the scope! Oh, my head. Here I go again, killing everyone with my hammer. All right, what are we going to do with this? I was thinking to go right through him. Yeah. Because the film's already subsided anyway. You could even do something fun with just a normal snowball, if he just used them. Oh, thunder and the walls. Yeah, like the snowball has magic freezer burn. Why not do the joke? Damn. The naked gun joke. We throw the snowball at guys' face, and he goes, ah! Like he's like, oh, fuck! I'm completely, you know, just like with the towel. It's almost like they're setting up a special snowball here, and then it hits him, and it's just like, oh, okay. You do that joke, too. He takes ages to make it, throws it, and it doesn't, well, it's a snowball, so. Fuck, Trudy! No, no, no! No, you really can't. Why don't you have a seat right over there? It's all looking out. They rekindled. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Oh, thank fuck. Kill him, kill him. That's right, because he got hit with a snowball. Remember? Oh, you could have punched him. Or hit him with baby Jesus. I can take a swing, you pussy. So shame. Your wife depends on it. I figured they were going to bring back the reindeer or something, and Sansa would chase him in his sled and then jump out, you know, jump out on one of them and fucking snap his down. But I guess not. What the fuck? Fucking slams him. Oh, the fuck would you get up to them? Yeah. How is it 20 minutes left? I don't know. I feel like there should be four minutes left. This was desperately in need of being... This film would be way... You could edit it down by about probably 20 minutes. It would be way, way better paced. Yeah. We don't need all the little walkie-talkie scenes and shit, you know? Just one is fine. You don't need three. One at the second act low point. And we need to have him fighting the people in a way that's actually Christmassy. Oh, god, dude. There's just so many things I could have done. This makes me sad. It's all these guns lying around. It should have been a combo of Home Alone and Die Hard. That's the easy way to go. Oh, wow. Oh, I guess you don't want her then. Oh, that came out of nowhere. What? Idiot. Well, that'll be a big payoff then. You believe in touching your throat there. That was lame. Wow, that just went right in. I thought the obvious thing was the other guy too. No, my jelly neck. Wow. That's a lie. I thought the other guy... That was terrible. Oh, he didn't even get... He didn't even get to save his wife. He didn't even get to, like, be a courageous person and save... Oh, that's fucked. That's it. Yeah, this is odd. He's 2022. He's got to be a bitch. They couldn't even do the we did it. It was more of a you did it. She did it all. Yeah, the idea that he's not, like... He's not a fighter, you know? That's fine. But him working up the courage and being brave to save his wife and she's in peril like, no, I can't do that. The other pay-offs you can have is that he takes a hit for it or that he distracts the enemy for it or he works with it to kill him. But no, he took away all of those. Nope. Pussy from beginning to end. I'll just shoot him with your gun. Come on. I'm gonna have a shot now. That icicle thing was die-hard, too, as well. It's Santa versus Scrooge. But I guess... I think it's just wearing the die-hard references on its sleeve. Isn't Scrooge a very misplaced choice of codename, too, because of what Scrooge ends up doing in his own story, if you know what I mean? Oh, no. Why'd you do that? It should be Krampus. They fucked up. Why not wait until you see him, you dumb idiot? Why? How are the bullets just like when he started... Yeah, what? It's like, that's a big weapon. I guess now we'll have to have a melee fight because I'm out of bullets. That's just how that goes. Oh, let him waste some more first. Do you want to shoot him or not? What are you shooting at? You don't even get anything. The wall? Oh, I'm out of bullets. What? Oh, wait. Dammit. I wasted all my ammo. If only I knew how guns work. Is this your naughty nice list? Am I on it? Oh, my God. Oh, my name's right there when I ask. No, the nicest. Killed his best friend. Spreads misery. Murderers. Am I the bad guy? You're... him. Did you not notice all the fucking magic? I don't know. Yeah, the magic. I like how the naughty nice list convinces him, but the fucking sack didn't. I think my whole shitty life's built up to this moment because when I kill you, this whole goddamn holiday finally ends. Well, you wasted all your ammo. I think it goes beyond Santa at this point. Oh, my God. Christmas dies tonight. Don't even believe it. Oh, my God. Is that a reference to the... Christmas dies tonight. Evil dies tonight? Evil dies tonight? Yeah. Evil dies tonight. There's no way that Santa loses. This is like his ultimate element. Yeah. He's got his sledgehammer. He's doing melee combat. Yeah, this is just a guy. He's got a boss health bar, though, so... That's the point that he's supposed to justify why he has a boss health bar, but they didn't do anything. Shouldn't they be fighting in some kind of town Christmas grotto thing? Yeah. You know, like hot fuzz? It should be that, but like a Christmas recreation and that they're stomping through it, you know? The grand finale is that a Christmas tree falls and then he gets impaled on all the, like, branches or something. Something really creepy and stupid. Yeah, he gets impaled on branches. He's very good at fighting in the snow. Yeah, why does this sack so bad? In fact, why isn't he wearing ice shoes himself? He's fucking Santa! Wow. I think you're out. That's a sledgehammer. That should probably hurt. They want to make it epic, but they didn't justify this. Santa should have been very wounded at this point or something. I'm just wondering how the chimney's going to play into it. Oh, wow. I guess he wasn't really holding onto that. It would be kind of cool if he was, like, if they justified why he was beating Santa to then have Santa teleport up to the top and slam down on him. It's tough. Yeah, I've saw it be really interesting. Yeah, yeah. Oh, they've set it up too much. He's set it up too much. Yeah, he ruined it. Jesus, he's getting fucked up. Oh, my God. Crucifying him. The last Christmas. I've got to say a thing before you die. God, if you still believe. What? I feel like we've earned that at all. Oh, my God. Oh, man. Oh. That's my pay off. That's my header. That's my header. Yeah, I'm dying. Yeah, okay. Yeah, play. I had a feeling. All right. You know, I still feel like it would have been better earlier than this. But you know what? At least I finally did it. He's getting shot. That was being shot. Okay. By the woman, by Gertrude. Can you let us enjoy that pay off a little longer? So now the Gertrude's going to shoot him, ain't he? There she is. I would have moved her, grabbed it or something. I would have moved myself instead of maybe they weren't accepting it. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. You saved my daughter. Oh, is he going to become Santa? Oh, no. Maybe. Maybe. Yeah. You've passed off the Christmas spirit. This loser gets to be Santa. There's no way. How come there isn't some paramedic elves that show up or something? That would be funny. That would be great. Paratrooping. Santa got another fight tonight. Yeah, and then they get rifles and they secure the perimeter and they got their You know what else would be awesome if they could get like a cameo? Like Jason Statham is the lead elf. What movie is it where there's like a SEAL Team 6 elf force? I'm sure that exists. It's not elf, is it? I think I used to bought my Christmas magic. Santa, please don't say. Wake up. I'm dead now. Out of time, baby. Just wake up. Hang on. I'm believing super duper hard. Believe harder. Oh, I am so, so sorry. I told you Santa isn't real. I guess he just doesn't care that much about us, please. Not anymore. Yeah, also, yeah. I guess your belief was for nothing. Brave, brave man, whoever he was. Whoever he was. I still believe in him. Oh, they are doing it. I refuse to believe this is actually Santa. I do believe in Santa. I'm sorry. I do. I do. I believe in him too. Boring. He's just not over. Just end. All these decapitated dudes walk on. I almost give it points. I believe in Santa. If they all did, I believe that he's just still dead. And it cuts to his funeral. I believe in him too. So do I. Shut up, Bertrood. I guess I do. That's just how it works. Belief is like a switch in your brain. You can just flick it on. A little bit confused because he's right there. You already solve his magical bullshit. So I guess you do believe in him. They still have to be so cynical. It's like, oh fuck, I guess I believe, like whatever. I guess. This is so stupid. I'm above it all. Your belief has cured my internal bleeding. Christmas magic. Mechanics unclear. Well, yeah, I wouldn't have imagined it to be like... What about all the people around the world who believe in him? Why did it have to be these fuckers? Proximity of belief gives him power. I was just thinking that. Yeah, I guess you have to be nearby and believing. All of them provide an aura. We just burned half a million dollars. You burned half a million dollars? Didn't look like you burned them a lot. And also that's still 299,500,000 that you've got. Sorry we ditched you. Sorry, but there was gunfire and we are reindeer. We don't get to see the elves, which I feel like is... Missed opportunity for sure. Yeah, at the end. You could even have had... It was one elf that came in, one of his bestest friends ever, and like he dies halfway through the movie or something. You got my sack. Wow, so the real sack really did get destroyed. I figured it would be invincible. Yeah, I thought it was just gonna respawn. Mrs. Claus, see? There it is. Oh, wow. So the just-in-time for the movie to be over. The different sacks share the same load of presents for all the kids in the world? Very poor choice of words. I guess if they connect to the same room... It was a portal that takes it to the present world. The present world. We're often asked the question of, what film would you like to see remade? This. This. It is a good premise to have, but it could have been done better. I'd save about 10% of this film. Remake it, animate it. I would think I'd keep it live-action. Is there any reason why you wouldn't want it to be an animated film, Rex? I think there's some sort of like a real quality that really sells probably a lot of the jokes in the viewer. I was about to say I feel like it's funnier when it's not animated because of the fact that it's like real people doing all of this insane shit. In a sense, animation is better because you can buy it more, you can get more immersed when I would want to be more so cranking up the absurdity. I want people to be like, what the fuck is happening? Look, he's reinvigorated. Okay, cool. Still bleeding though. Oh shit, the night's almost over. What if I hit the moon? He's going to the moon now. Damn. Yeah, that was... What an incredibly wasted opportunity. Missed opportunity, yeah. I felt like there was a good hour of nothing in there. We could have had some really cool and interesting stuff, some funny stuff, but we did not. It just degenerated into like shitty action movie. Well, they had the premise, so our work's done. Then we can just make a movie and just have it be whatever. Yeah, it's like, look, it's Santa. He's hitting the army man in the dark. It's Santa. That's really funny, isn't it, because it's Santa. That can carry us for the whole movie instead of doing anything with the premise. Part of the saddest thing I think about watching this film is the little glimpses of good that are in there where you go, oh, they do kind of understand what they're trying to do here and then they just never fulfill it. It's a ton of potential and frustration that they just didn't go into it further. It should have been a machine gun of jokes. Should have been nonstop visual references, visual gags, and obviously plenty of dialogue and wacky characters bouncing off each other and then absurd things happening. Bunny's to come from the fact that this is fucking Santa. References to stuff like the Easter Bunny or people that he knows and different events that he's been involved in and possibly caused, like just all the kinds of fun dialogue that makes us- Maybe he gets some fucking elf reinforcements or whatever. Yo, a scoochy squad from Locker. Living the dream. You know it. See this guy? Dead as hell. Santa's real. All right? Don't end up on the naughty list. Do better. Bert Leistone out. We needed this. Social media kid. Oh, that was lame. Social media. Thanks for wasting our fucking time. That was, yeah. I'm getting surrounded by this army and they just fucking nukes them all in like a couple of minutes and they just all walk up to him with their guns. It's just the standard action fuckery where they just don't use their guns as well as the fuck. Oh, yeah. The action is most of the time. Really bad. Yeah. The first two were right when he fought one on one against the- When he fought that one dude and he was struggling to kill him, it's like that was a pretty- That was all right. That was pretty good. Yeah. At that point, I thought that's what they were going for. He was like to kill them one by one and then has to get to the last guy and he's wounded. Yeah, that's what I thought. He's just like, oh, look, armyman. Yeah. And look, he's got a hammer now and it's... I don't know anything about it. They said that the whole family was like, oh, look, these guys are shit. These are shit. And we were like, oh, they're probably going to get murdered horribly. And then it's like, no, not really. This is the random boyfriend. The characters. They suck. Santa's the only one that we're vaguely interested in. If we kept it like tight on the family, you could have like four little mini characters essentially surrounding the idea of the heist. Like if you had the action star who's really full of himself and can't really do all this stuff, but he's always talking about all the stuff he acts like doing. But then when the moment truly does call for him to be heroic, maybe he even sacrifices himself or does a very heroic thing for real. Not acting, but he does it for real. And that's like a little mini story that he does and he saves another character from dying. And then you have the kid. Instead, the kid is on the naughty list as we talked about. And they become nice because of the events of the story. They do things and they help people out and they talk with Santa. And of course, the kid doesn't believe it's Santa at first, but then she believes it's Santa and then she becomes good and that sort of thing. What I'm understanding is you want some sort of like an arc. Like a story. Like they could have tried. The more I was thinking about it, I was going to combo the ideas really from my self-adfriggy, that maybe the people are kidnapped and taken to the stronghold of Krampus, right? And you go through each of the rooms and each of the main mini bosses. We do that thing again we talked about, where instead of many nameless, we have like four main bad guys that work for Krampus. They have themed areas. They have a hostage each and he's got to get to them and save them, blah, blah, blah. But then the reveal is that Krampus isn't actually Krampus. He's like a puppet and it's the Easter Bunny. And that's the big reveal. And it's about the jealousy of the holidays. That could be really fun. And you can theme it all on top of the whole story we're trying to tell. And it's like you can end up being fucking like an amazingly fun movie. I don't even know what I've ever had, but it would have been very interesting. If Santa gets, like he passes out after he, or he gets hit in the head in a fight or he passes out. And then you get that little flashback, that first flashback they show of him like as a Viking warrior or something with blood on his face in a battle. And that's it. Yeah. No more. They never show it again. It's just that little flash. You're like, oh, what is this? Is this like Santa's past? What happened? What's the con? And they never show it again. There's no, oh, I had a hammer named Skullcrusher. And I was really bad. And I was like greater or whatever. Yeah, I hit people's heads with it. It's like, no, no, don't do that. You show us that little flashback from his past when he got knocked out and just leave it there. And what does it mean? I don't know. Does Santa have a dark past? What's going on? What's the mythology of Santa that they're kind of sticking with? Mystery is gay, Rags. Shut up. So many missed opportunities. I guess the highlight was the home alone portion. I guess. Mainly because of the fact that it's just... It started to pick up steam a little more. It's a meme that's been done before in different environments like YouTube, but it's just home alone with realistic consequences. That's why it's funny. But it also lasts for two and a half minutes. That's what I was saying. Yeah, you have the idea that it starts off, he notices like a few of the traps and nails and stuff, and he obviously steps around them, but then he legitimately misses one and he doesn't see a trap and the kid was maybe a bit cleverer than he thought. And it takes him out of the fight. It doesn't have to kill him or anything. Something happens and he's out of the fight so Santa can take him out or something like that. He gets an assist because of the home alone trap. I think if we're calling it a high point, it's only because it's a snippet of what we expected this film to be. I know if, yeah, it's like we were peeking into it. Yeah, we were peeking into the concept of this film done in a decent way. But that high point was not... It didn't last very long and it didn't get high enough. Really don't have any decent characters in it. Krampus was like the goofy henchman. He gets hit by tongs in a... Yeah, we just don't have anything. The media guy, the Bert, he does the Bert locker. He doesn't do anything except randomly say that one smart thing about not shooting people randomly. But he doesn't do anything. We don't do anything with his character. He's just annoying. The actor guy is just annoying. Like if you want to have some family drama or whatever, like, okay, if you guess, but you can do something with it. Perpetually annoyed at how much was wasted with the naming conventions and why wasn't the main bad guy called Krampus? I'm sorry. That's stupid. Why would you give it to the goofball? They never called each other by their names ever again, which just means that's another wasted opportunity. I guess they highlighted that it was dumb in universe and so is that supposed to make us think that they didn't even want to do that? I don't know. I don't know. I use the bathroom. You all wrap it up. Okay. I love the idea of the kid having an arc because like if you're going to do things like, you know, certain reversals, like the vault being empty, like obviously in Die Hard, like it was full. That's like, oh, wait, there's no money in it. Where is it? Right? Like that would be cool if you did like an arc like that where like the kid is like bad and sort of learns to be good through the progress of the movie and ends up on the good list or something like that. But like, I guess they were just like, oh, well the child is the heart of the movie. So she's got to be good right off the bat. I would like to know if any of these characters had an arc. Literally none of them do. In fact, the father who is the weakling and doesn't have any, you know, stand up against anything continues to not stand up against anything. Except when he says, oh, I stole all the money. And then, oh, hey, look, mom is happy with you because you stole the money and proved you belong in this shitty family. There's no arcs for any of them at all. None of them grow. They all believed in Santa in the end. Because they saw a reindeer. It's not like they suddenly believed in shit. They saw him doing magic and they were like, oh, well, I guess if you're doing magic, you must be him, I suppose. Yeah. It kind of reminds me of the Santa Claus, you know, the Tim Allen movie by the end of the film, the two cynical parents finally believing him. They just felt that he was real and then it was a really emotional scene. But this is, it had to be with this movie. It had to be dragged out of them. Your size of disappointment tell me more than any words ever could. It felt to me way too derivative of the die-hard movies. If you want to do the premise of die-hard, I get it because a lot of movies have tried to do that sort of framework. But then as soon as the guys in the Arctic Camo show up on the snowmobiles, it's like, this is so much like die-hard too. And then it's like they take off and then Santa chases them. It's like, this is just like die-hard too. I can't stop thinking about that movie now. You're just doing that movie. It's the right way because it's not inspired at all in terms of like, oh, that's a fun twist on an old, like, good thing. Oh, it just is the thing. You're just doing the same thing. Yeah, worst version of it too. Yeah, it wasn't even clever in the way that die-hard too was. In the original die-hard too, they show up and you kind of suspect that they're, these guys are up to no good, aren't they? But then like Bruce Willis has a line where it's just like, well, he has a line that suggests they're the bad guys, but then there's a plot thing that happens that made you think, oh, okay, they're the good guys. But then it's like, oh, no, no, they're actually the bad guys. There's a little bit of a little bit of complexity to it, but in this, it's just like right off the bat, you know, like they show up and they're going to be like not good for Santo and the hostages. There's no pretense of them being characters, but yet they get a lot of screen time. I don't understand the priorities. Why would you just be hyper-focused on Santo? That's like, that's the selling point of the film is, ah, it's Santo and he's not the Santo you know and he's going to fight a bunch of bad guys, but instead so much of the focus is on elements that are thin, really thin. There's too much screen time on like the people who live in the house because like the original diehard originally you would cut away to like Holly, like in the Nakatomi building, having her, that weird sort of business relationship she has with that guy who gave her the watch or whatever, but for the most part, like that whole first act is just following Bruce Willis going all the way up to Nakatomi and I liked that it followed him so tightly. The problem with this one too is like they made all the hostages just equally completely unlikable. So it's like whenever we go to these people and oh look, these people are in trouble, it's like so what, I hate every single person in this room. And the only person who really does anything is the actor man and he basically gets punished for it when he actually does a little bit of heroic stuff and then breaks out of the window to go get help and then he gets killed for it. Like the black dress chick, she was just an evil bitch and the kid was just an asshole but they kind of are A-okay and they're fine but he gets punished. The dad was just worthless character, completely pointless. You could have essentially eliminated the actor guy as a character and made the dad sort of him and maybe he thinks he's, you know, maybe he dies in the movie, you know, protecting the kid or whatever, doing something truly heroic, not just acting and to say something like that. There's stuff you could have done, you could have done stuff. That's the worst part about it, Regs, is how much of this is like, oh, this is a great concept and there's some shining bits throughout it where you could have tied this together and you're really neat and you did, it's just so wasted. I'm watching your movie and off the top of my head I'm just like having all of these much better ideas live as I'm watching your movie. It's almost like if you were making this movie, you bring this movie to the meeting to be like, look at how you do not do this and then watch the scenes and see if they inspire you to want to fix it. And it's so frustrating, like all these ideas that could have been potentially put in, like that was all at the screenplay level and it costs nothing. Wouldn't you have written the part where like the winter camel guys come in and be like, we're just doing Die Hard 2 here, aren't we? Like, how can we mix this up a little bit, you know? But they didn't even bother. It's just like, let's just get this Santa movie out with David Harbourkin people. They thought the premise could carry them that the fact that they had the idea meant that their work was done. Forgetting that you need to, like the idea itself is fine. But the idea like execution is everything. And when you miss every single opportunity for a joke and you miss opportunities to surprise people with a few exceptions in terms of like decent jokes and decent use of the premise. It's just like, it's lame. It's really lame. That's the main take I have for the film. Lame, lame, lame. John Leguizama walks into the living room with that little Christmas jingle and it just like doesn't rhyme at all. It's not, there's way too many syllables. It's just like, what do you think of something? What are we doing? You're wasting time. You're wasting an opportunity. Every scene that you have is an opportunity and you're not taking those opportunities. You have the scene, of course, we all knew it was coming. It was just a matter of how it happened. Whereas Santa remembers their names, what they wanted when they were kids because it's fucking Santa Claus, of course. He really didn't do anything with that when he says their names and what they wanted. It doesn't amount to anything. The guy was really amazed that he remembered his name and what he wanted as a bike and then, oh, Santa's on the floor. I better try and shoot him with my handgun. It doesn't mean anything. And that could have been the payoff of the very end for the bad guy. He calls him his real name. Something like that, you know? Because he has this knowledge and you can choose one if he wants to actually use it. And we never do, we didn't do anything with the sack that was really interesting. The sack should have been in the whole movie. It's only the one thing. The bad guy pulled out a candy cane, right? And then he was like, wait, what? Well, you only stabbed a present, that was it. Or they're like fighting in the sacks between them and they both reach in to grab something and they both pull out something like comedic. One of them has a ukulele and the other has a basketball or something and it's wrapped to shape exactly like what it is, you know? And then maybe they drop it and try and pull out another thing and it's another useful thing. And they do that, you know, there's so much you could do with the idea of a magic sack that you pull things out of. I mean, whole Twilight Zone episodes and everything are written about it. But they don't do anything, it just gets thrown in the fire and it's gone. And I'm like, no, you bastard, you're burning an incredibly cool and fun tool that you could use for the whole movie. And then again, like the Texas shotgun thing that I'd mentioned would have been hilarious, I think. That's to my own horn, but that would have been so funny. It pulls out a shotgun with a bow on it. He doesn't interact in any interesting way with any of the villains. All the villains are just evil. None of them are just there for the money or they don't actually want to kill anyone or they're actually on the nice list but they've been roped into this for whatever reason. Or one of them finds that it's really Santa and then it changes their mind. Something, but they don't do anything interesting with any of them. Well, the guy with the history was Santa. You could have been the villain. You could make the villain the one with the history with Santa or... What I was suggesting before is you can go both directions, right? The villain is completely... He hates Christmas but he's never met Santa but then you can have a minister who's fought Santa before because it's funny. But oh well. Oh well. I mean, I'm sure we'll get another attempt at this. True. That's the movie's theme song. Apparently they're making another one. Maybe in the works. Hopefully it's better. You kind of blew the premise the first time. You're going to have quite the hill to climb now. Yeah, I don't know. I think they might be doing the same thing again. Well, I think they're doing it in Santa's workshop with his elves or something like that. I don't know. An assault on the compound, Santa's compound? Yeah, something like that. That actually wouldn't work for the first... It would probably like John Leguizamo's brother or something. You'll kill my brother. I hate Christmas too. Okay, bye. Okay, bye. Merry Christmas. I'm happy new year. Bye. What are you going to do, little elf bitch? What did you bring me?