 What he represents is patriarchy. We're here to do work as men, as patriarchs. There's nothing more natural than being a father. Alright welcome back to the 21 convention third annual patriarch event. Our next speaker, I get to pass the baton. I was the chief patriarch, the head of this whole shindig last year and it's a cool opportunity to get to do that. One of the things that I love about the way this event has evolved is that that's a baton that gets passed and you get to transfer everything that goes with that to the man who comes next. He gets to experience running the event, helping to plan it, getting to speak a couple of times and then also this, the keynote address which kind of solidifies everything that you've heard from all these wonderful speakers over the last couple days and what you're going to continue to hear for the rest of the weekend. Our new chief patriarch is a pastor. He's a father of seven. And I got to tell you guys, you know that we live in a, we live in a soft world where most of us will try to hedge our language. We will do our best in order to avoid offense or to avoid conflict. We will try to say things in a way that there's some sort of plausible deniability to what we're saying or there's some sort of irony or something else or you get men who over correct and they will be as crass and as blunt and it is in your face as possible but it's done with the intent to offend or to make you reject them out of hand. What our next speaker does so incredibly well is he speaks boldly and firmly but he does it with goodness. He does it out of a sense of righteousness and he does it out of a sense of good, godly, masculine duty. So please welcome to the stage Pastor Michael Foster. Well, I really got to deliver after an intro like that, don't I? It was good to be with you men. Again, I'm going to talk about the indisposable legacy of a man. So I've been thinking how do we sum up what we've been talking about? How do I give you something that's helpful? And this is my attempt at it. It's long, so I'm going to have to look at the clock every once in a while. What is the reason women and children get off a sinking boat first? Is it because we're taught to see women as more valuable? I've actually heard people say that. Is it because men are the disposable sex? I've heard men say that as well. No, it's because women and children are central to a man's and his brother's mission and legacy. Mission is what's indispensable. It's a spiritual and biological drive which burns in the hearts of every healthy man. Therefore, men are willing to die for their legacy. And it's the same with the mother, right? A mother will throw herself in front of a bullet for her children in a second. And it's not that she herself is disposable. It's for the mission, the legacy, it's for the future. Both sexes want their fruit to remain and mature. Sure, you can think of legacy as the part of your mission that continues on into the future through your progeny, through your children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and so forth. So legacy is the culmination of your mission. And therefore, if the house is on fire, you run in through the flames to get your children. If the boat is sinking and there's not enough room on the escape boats, you give it to them. If there's an enemy at our borders or in our borders, you put your family somewhere safe, grab your weapons, and lay down your life if necessary. It's our legacy which is indisposable. But you can't die for a legacy that you won't live for. If it's not enough to be a man on mission, you must build a legacy with others. The loner won't get far at all. He needs multipliers, boosters, strengtheners, support. In essence, he needs a brotherhood and he needs a wife if he's going to build something he'd die for, something that lasts beyond him. The rebuilding of culture, says Dr. Anthony Esselen, is not going to happen without the reconstitution of brotherhoods. The idea of the isolation-powered anti-hero has become a trope and some of the most popular and some of the darkest modern entertainments, John Wick, Breaking Bad, for example, both fall in the footsteps of Unforgiven, the film by Clint Eastwood, teaching us that social ties pacify men. John Wick is more of an anti-hero while Walter White is openly villainous, but both must be freed of the ties of fraternity, marriage, and household in order to shine their brightest. Social isolation, we are told, is key to masculinity. My concern is less with these stories themselves. More with the reasons for their popularity. Why do they touch such a nerve in our culture? Many men lionize these characters. They do not perceive the lessons that the filmmakers themselves were perhaps hoping to convey. Instead, they latch onto the idea that masculinity and isolation go hand in hand. The notion of becoming truly alone as the necessary catalyst to becoming truly self-sufficient, truly mission-focused, truly elite and commanding one's world is a lie. It's confusion. Isolation kills mission and undermines your legacy. Proverbs 8 verse 1 says, One who separates himself seeks his own desire. He quarrels against all sound wisdom. One commentary explains that this denotes a man who separates himself for he follows his own counsel. This is a man who's untethered himself from community so that he can pursue some selfless mission which will ultimately come to nothing. God has made us to live in relationships. A man should be able to rely on himself, but it is not good that a man should be alone. He needs both the right woman and also the right men in his life. These two things are like two rails that keep his train on track, a tribe and a helpmate. They will stabilize, direct and magnify his mission. It's deeply intuitive that a man should get a woman in order to achieve his mission. Men naturally want a woman and indeed judge each other by this. And I'll get to that in a second, but first let's talk about something that is essentially lost in modern day, something that is no longer intuitive, something that's seen as unnatural, male intimacy. There's a deep, non-erotic intimacy that can and should exist among same-sex friendships. The intimacy is a kind that cannot and will not exist among opposite-sex friendships or relationships. Take, for example, King David and Jonathan, the son of Saul. David at his funerals speaks of Jonathan and he says, Your love to me was more wonderful than the love of a woman. Despite the twisted efforts of some modern interpreters, this isn't the king mourning his gay lover. No, it's David grieving the loss of a truly close friend, a fellow warrior. He repeatedly praises Jonathan for his exploits in battle for the defense of Israel. Jonathan did him back down from a fight. He was swifter than an eagle, mightier than a lion, says David. He was the friend who stood closer than a brother for David. Sexual polarity is what forms the strong bonds of marriage, but sexual homogeneity is what forms the strong bonds of friendship. There is a way of women and there is a way of men. And while they have much in common, there are major differences. There are things about women that men only understand in a theoretical sense and the reverse is also true. Hence women need a sisterhood. They need a close group of united, a close group united around the shared emotion, but men need a brotherhood. They need a close group united around a shared mission. Men need other men with whom to participate in a common cause, fighting the same war. They need brothers who get it. Despite movies like that manifest the popularity of anti-heroes, the importance of brotherhood to masculinity can certainly be found in popular culture as well. It's deeply ingrained and there are stories that celebrate it. Consider another famous Western, the Magnificent Seven. What made the Magnificent if not their fraternity? Individually, each was great in his own way, but also dysfunctional wreck in others. Not one of them alone could truly be called Magnificent, yet together they polished over each other's flaws, filled in for each other's weaknesses and combined each other's strengths. In his article, Sometimes I Miss War, Benjamin Sledge captures the male need for brothers on mission. He says, I hated war, but strangely enough, I loved it too. I find myself wishing I were back overseas while driving alone or in the midst of a crowded party. Things were simpler. People understood me. I had deep relationships. Granted there was no running water and I defecated in a barrel on a regular basis. But the laughter was real. The friends were real. The experience felt more real than ordering a coffee at Starbucks while a woman in jogging pants berated the barista for getting her order wrong. Sledge didn't miss war because he was bloodthirsty. He missed it because he was brother hungry. In war, he had a clear mission and a fraternity that kept him company, kept him focused. He had a band of brothers and in truth, that mission and those brothers were more precious to him than his own wife. He writes, despite my resolve never to return to a combat environment, I signed up once more at the height of the insurgents' violence. The deployment would cost me my marriage. I didn't even have to go. I volunteered. And all because my friends from Afghanistan were going. Would you jump off a bridge if all your friends were doing it? My mother would try it as a teenager. Only if all my buddies from Iraq were jumping. So that's what he thought. He's like, all men are like this. Men need the love of men. We are conditioned into a mindset today that would have been foreign and repugnant to the men of old. We see David and Jonathan and suspect something is amiss that their relationship looks kind of gay. But it wasn't. They were dear friends. It is we who have something to amiss. Men can be very close, like brothers, even closer than brothers. Deep down, all men long for this brotherhood. I think that's why men come to conferences like this. But brotherhood is not without its dangers. Sin can twist natural desires towards ungodly ends. So it is with brotherhood. Hence Solomon warns his son in Proverbs. He says, My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent. If they say, come with us. Let us lie and wait to shed blood. Let us lurk secretly for the innocent without cause. Let us swallow them alive like sheol and whole like those who go down to the pit. And we shall find all kinds of precious possessions. We shall fill our houses with spoil, casting your light among us. Let us all have one purse. My son, do not walk in the way with them. Keep your foot from their path for their feet run to evil and they make haste to shed blood. Surely in vain the net is spread in the sight of any bird. But they lie and wait for their own blood. They lurk secretly for their own lives. So are the way of everyone who is greedy for gain. It takes away the life of its owner. The wise king understands that his son's desire for mission, for challenge and for brotherhood can be diverted down an evil pathway. It's natural for men to organize themselves into groups around shared missions. So the loner is an unnatural man who quarrels against all sound wisdom, but not all bands of brothers are equal. Just as there's an evil patriarchy, there is such a thing. Satan is a father, and all that fall in his way are part of an evil patriarchy. Remember, there also can be an evil brotherhood, an evil fraternity. Such a gang is always tempting to men, but it's especially tempting when there's a dearth of good brotherhoods to join. The invitation to throwing your lot with men on mission, even if it's the wrong mission, is hard to turn down when you're alone. The longing for that shared mission, that desire to participate in the masculine drives of other men, is not to be underestimated. While the word Jesus raises up brothers who will band together in building his kingdom, Satan is not idle in stirring up his own sons who wish to do his desires instead. He is and was a liar from the very beginning, seeking to pray off the innocent and use creation to his own ends. So gangs of his sons destroy rather than defend. They consume rather than produce. Whatever God commands in the creation mandate, whatever can be discerned of his plan for men in their design, gangs twist and invert these. They rape or fornicate instead of marrying. They occupy instead of building. They threaten instead of protecting. Do not fall in with these kind of men. It should go without saying that they will not improve you. They are a crooked rail that leads to destruction. Do not be deceived. A gang can destroy, consume, steal, rape, occupy and threaten without seeming like a gang at all. Remember that not all acts of murder, theft and adultery are avert. They start in our hearts and are easily justified. Know they look like, what they look like as seeds before they grow into the thorns that will choke you. I warn you gravely about this only because the need for brotherhood is itself very grave, very serious matter. We must recover fraternity if we are going to recover sexual sanity. It's not just that you need it emotionally, though you do. It's not just that you need it to exercise dominion over the world, though you do. You also need it for the most basic piety or virtue. You need other men to exercise dominion over yourself. I always tell my sons my job is to train you to say yes and no to yourself. Right? Someday I won't be here to say don't do that son. But if I train you well, you'll tell yourself not to do that. My job is to train my sons to carry the baton forward. So you need other men to do this. We are designed to work together to subdue the outward world, to get on mission together. Testing each other is critical. It shows how we can establish a working hierarchy. This is why when men insult each other, we're getting a feel. I love a good insult. They're my favorite. Last year I dressed a little differently and there was this critic of mine and he said, you look like two different people who addressed you. I thought that was really funny, man. I think that's good. And then when you insult a guy and he doesn't like overcorrect, but he doesn't roll over like a little puppy either, then you think, okay, this guy is secure. You're testing him. What is his medal? Can you trust him? When you're working together, every man must test and ensure his place by competing within the group. When we compete, we compete to create hierarchy. Male friendships also tend to be more robust than female ones. They don't fall apart as easily when subject to stress because they are, to some extent, built on stress to begin with. They're designed to thrive under the difficult conditions of mission. A famous depiction of power of male friendships is Apollo and Rocky pushing each other to the absolute edge of their abilities in Rocky III. Remember they're like running super hard down the beach and then they're like jumping and holding each other like at the very end in slow-mo. It's kind of corny looking back on it, but the heart of it. I mean, at the heart of it, we all do want that. We want someone that gets the best out of us, that pushes us as hard as possible. Ecclesiastes 4 says, two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them fall, the other one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift them up. Furthermore, if two lie down together, they keep warm. But how can one be warm alone? If one can overpower him who's alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart. This has application both to fraternity and to marriage. But the explicit context is fraternity. Good male friends will support you, compliment you, shield you, raise you up, push you forward, pull you back when necessary, hone you, critique you, and ultimately sanctify you. Men need men. Find each other. Take risks. It's worth the reward. That said, not all criticism and correction you will receive is likely to be well-intentioned. Some will not even be remotely true at all. As you start to develop self-discipline, as you start to pursue mission and order your life well, your efforts will be ill-received by some. Other, the very men you hope to forge fraternity with, or often it will be the very men you hope to forge fraternity with. Like crabs in a barrel, as one tries to escape, the others try to drag him back down. So while some men will be impressed and inspired as you start to become a better man, others will become envious and self-loathing the crabs. You will become a lightning rod for their ephemisy and negativity, and they will look for ways to drag you down a peg. Crab mentality is just envy. That's all it is. As the 1828 Webster has put it, they feel, or this is the definition of envy, they feel uneasiness and mortification or discontent at the sight of a superior excellence, reputation or happiness, enjoyed by another. Envy is the key motivation behind haters, and there is no avoiding haters because envy lies in the heart of every man. So as you try to break free from where you've been, where you've been stuck, other people will criticize you for that effort, like you're trying so hard, and they'll try to drag you back down. You can't listen to them, right? You can listen to the critique, but when you realize the critique is to stall you, that's when you've got to push forward. It's easy reading the critiques of others online to think that they're just haters that dismiss it. The problem is real. In real life, you'll be affected by it because of the power of brotherhood. Many men who want to get on missions, spend their lives with one foot hovering over the gas and the other tapping the brake because they're afraid that they might actually be successful. And then everyone will discover that they're frauds and pounce on them. They call this imposter syndrome. A lot of men don't work hard because they don't want people to, they want to just kind of slide by, right? Like they want to be a B student, not an A student, because then people will always expect them to be an A student. They're scared of actually being found out of fraud. You're going to have to get over this. You may not live up to the hype. Who does? Who lives up to the hype? I had someone who was a big follower of my podcast and reads the stuff I do come out to the conference and he came over to my house and we were like having this guy sitting around the fire drinking and talking. And at the end he said, hey, you're just like a normal guy. And I was like, there are only normal guys. That is all there is. Don't believe the celebrity stuff. It's so stupid, right? I have something to give you and I'm here to give it to you. Men are men. And there's some of us further down the road, more disciplined give that, but everyone starts the same, but not everyone ends the same. In his book, The Way of Men, Jack Donovan rightly says, there's a difference between being a good man and being good at being a man. In other words, you can possess the skills of manhood but lack the virtues of a godly masculinity. Such a man was Cain. He was a city builder, but also a brother killer. He built for his own name, not the name of God. He was masculine but evil. The converse cannot be true, however. You cannot be a godly man without also being good at being a man. Again, Donovan keenly observes to protect and serve their own interests the wealthy and privileged have used feminists and pacifists to promote a masculinity that has nothing to do with being good at being a man and everything to do with being what they consider a good man. Their version of a good man is isolated from his peers, emotional, effectively impotent, easy to manage, and tactically inept. For an evil manifestation of the patriarchy to secede, they must keep men pacified and isolated from each other. A mass of unified, principle-disciplined men is a threat to evil kings and rulers and to the very kingdom of darkness. That's why they want to keep you on porn. It's on purpose. To make you toothless, to keep you weak. To make you not build a family. That's why they want you entertained. That's the whole purpose of the algorithms on social media. To steal you away from building something. Building a legacy. Because when you realize these men want to rule you in every which way. When you realize that you start to take steps towards that, they're going to try to smash you. But if they can keep you pacified, you won't realize it. And if they can keep you separated, they can smash you with ease. But we start to build and get aggressive and work together. Then we're a real threat to tyrants, aren't we? You need a gang of men. You need men who will correct, improve, and push you. Not in scare crabs, but a brotherhood committed to godly excellence. Take the heart to wisdom of Paul when he exhorts Timothy to flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. This is a very simple paradigm I use with men as they're trying to grow in holiness. Flee, stop. Stop doing that. Pursue, start doing that. Repentance is not just a vacuum. You don't just stop doing something. You have to start doing something at the same time. So flee being effeminate. Pursue godly masculinity and do it with the brothers in the Lord. You need brothers. But nothing can quite multiply I'm so happy I get to this whole thing I get to do right now, it's going to be fun. Nothing quite multiplies a man like a good wife. A good wife. And nothing can consume it like a bad one. Only a man and a woman together can fulfill God's design for men to fill the earth with worshipers and shape it for glory. The red pill is the blue pill. You get it, right? The red pill is the blue pill. When you think having sex with a lot of women makes you a man is that not blue pill? How is that different from the nice guys? How is it any different? Who are we kidding? It's a joke. So nice guys have a bad short term strategy. Suck up to a woman and she'll give me sex, right? And so maybe the red pill guys or the PUA guys, some of them, they're not all the same. I know this is a big group. But you know what I'm talking about, maybe they have a better short term strategy in terms of getting sex but they're not building crap. They're not building anything. It's short term for this world. It's heathenism that leads to nothing. They are the cause of the decadence or at least a participant in the decadence that they're criticizing. Just open your eyes. Awesome thing have they made. Good YouTube videos? Come on. You need women. Only a man or woman can fulfill God's design. You can't simply build a household without a good woman. Or you simply cannot build a good household without a good woman at your side. And you have to understand when I say household I don't mean a home where you watch Netflix. A household, it's atmosphere. It's a place where the next generation is trained, where hospitality is practiced. Where community and society is built. Culture is created in households. Households used to be productive. They used to be a means of economic survival. They used to be a means of cultural propagation. And now you go look at houses. You want to see what's, I don't know if you guys said an Arthur's thing. It was wonderful. Very insightful. But I'll give you another way how architecture art is connected to mindset. It's a place where people are made with really small dining rooms. Because people don't have very many kids and people don't have very many people over. Houses are made for a dying society these days. Old houses had a big dining room. Because you're going to have a family and you have people over. Because your neighbors matter. Your community matters. Your brotherhood matters. You're building something. So when I say household, I'm not talking about just buying a house. I'm talking about everything that's included. The property. The influence. And you cannot build a household. Not one of that magnitude without a wife. Bottom line. Can't do it. It's a key milestone for a man. A massive step forward when he finds a wife. She is the second rail running parallel to fraternity that supports him, carries him forward and keeps his mission on track. That is if she's straight and true. I'm here this week. I don't have to preach tomorrow. Because I have a brother that will be preaching for me. I can trust him. I know my wife can manage my household. I know she's got the bills taking care of all that stuff. I know she's got an eye on my kids. And she needs help from some guys when I'm away. There's easily 20 men she could call right now. I am able to do what I do because of my brothers and my wife. That's how I'm able to be here and get these things done. So yeah, having the support of a brotherhood and a wife. If she's straight and true. Much is made and rightly so of the virtuous woman a woman of Proverbs 31 but often overlooked is the fact that Proverbs 31 following the book as a whole features two kinds of women one virtuous and rare and the other wicked and common. The former is Lady Wisdom a productive magnifier for her husband's strength who pursues their mutual glory by building his house. The latter is Lady Folly a wanton woman who consumes her husband's strength in pursuit of her own wayward lust so Proverbs 141 says tears down his house with her own hands. So chapter 31 of Proverbs is the climax of the whole book and it rightly focuses on Lady Wisdom as the prize to be gained by right way navigating the treacherous waters of your fallen masculine drive. Now prize in the sense that you've got your mission figured out not that she's the height of your mission but when you get that figured out a woman will be drawn to you. I'm not having this sort of soulmate thing which I'll get to in a second but verses one through three of Proverbs 31 contain one last warning to not trip over Lady Folly as you approach the finish line. The words of King Lemuel the utterance which his mother taught him she says what my son and what the son of my womb what son of my vows do not give your strength to women nor your ways to which destroy kings. This is a warning of giving your strength to a woman men are designed to give their strength to a woman because a good wife is a strength magnifier the man is the house builder the woman is the home maker she takes the house and she appoints and furnishes it until it becomes a home a place of rest and comfort and hospitality I love coming home to dinner I love coming home to a clean house I'm looking forward to coming home the man is the supplier the woman is the refiner my wife is trying to fix our washing machine that broke we have money if you're enjoying fixing it that's fine but just buy a new one if you need it I supply her the tools to get her job done and she actually gets the job she takes the raw materials that he provides through the sweat of his brow whether food or clothes or money or whatever else like a beautiful home or some other resource greater value and this is the best example of a woman's ability to magnify is in child bearing itself where she takes her man's seed into her the woman is like a field and he plants his seed into her and it returns to him as an offspring and an heir it's amazing what Lemuel's mother is warning him to a woman that's good but rather allowing the powerful instinct to do so to lead him to give his strength to any woman to any woman at all there are many women who will take a man's strength and consume it these are the kinds of women from Proverbs 7.26 through 27 says for many other victims she has cast down and numerous are her slain her house is the way to she old descending to the chambers of death many men can testify to the hell it is to be married to an ungodly woman there are terrible women in the world hands down can't deny it the best path is always to avoid her altogether hence Proverbs says do not stray into her path Proverbs 7.25 lest she become like a constant dripping on a day of a steady rain so this is it's good that people warn young men about these types of women I hear those warnings here a lot over the years and I think that's great but an excellent life is the crown of her husband but she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones and this is just another application of a principle that the greater and more glorious something is made to be the more destructive and awful it becomes when perverted by sin many so called patriarchalists or red pill men overreacting to real perversions seem to doubt that good women actually exist let alone great ones at best they will grant feminine and virtual on paper but what they allow in principle they deny in practice generalizing all women into a negative average the common AWOL trope all women are like that vilifies them as a sex and refuses to endorse marriage because of some assumed probability of negative outcome I feel like when I'm talking to these guys they get a calculator out and calculate you know the divorce stats for me like I haven't read them how many times does someone have to tell me do you know that 70% of women initiate yeah I do I think you're fearful honestly but scripture affirms that the only reason it is possible for women to be so appalling so worthy of contempt the cause of such bitterness the bringers of such ill repute upon their sexes God made them to be the glory of a man that such glorious and that such glorious women do really exist an excellent wife is truly a great blessing truly a glorious crown in whom a husband can rejoice and boast before kings not just in the pages of scripture but in the book of creation too this is why for most young men libido is overall sex is the most powerful and constant drive in their lives precisely because it's engineered to propel us towards the most valuable worthwhile blessing for our mission a woman, a helpmate, a marriage but it's exactly on this point that men make a terrible mistake so we need to circle back around to the analogy of a railway track I said before that there are two rails on which missions runs fraternity and marriage there is an important much overlooked implication of this which requires careful attention since a wife is a compliment to your mission she cannot be the mission itself just as a band of brothers is not your mission but a support to it so a wife is not your mission but a support to it and that's really important to understand why you have to go back to Genesis when God made Adam he gave him a mission he said you know I want you to shape the earth to complete this mission Adam needed to help her the order of events is significant God commissions Adam first and then he creates Eve and brings her to him so God makes Adam from the soil to shape the soil and then God makes Eve from Adam to support Adam this creation pattern reveals two key principles about God's general design number one men should generally have a mission before they seek a wife to magnify number two women will generally desire a man who is already on mission a man who can carry her along because he is going somewhere getting a wife is a good thing a great thing it's good to be a husband but it is good to be a man first unfortunately many men today become husbands and fathers before they figure out manhood that's what happened with me had some ideas but certainly getting married and having kids brought into sharp focus what I didn't know I call this a clueless bastard bastard being illegitimate like a child without a father I don't mean it as a cuss word but as a true status clueless because your dad didn't hand you the baton of manhood what you slowly realize and this is why conferences like teachings like this one videos like this one podcasts books and all that stuff they can't make you a man on whole because manhood is 80% caught and 20% taught it's by being around other men and that's why if you grow up in a broken home you grow up with a functionally absent father that you do feel this some lack and I see it in men I see it in men all the time I'll give them a principle and they say well can you give me 15 examples like do you have a book you got a podcast you get some books you can like I put together a recommended reading list of people that stop asking me but the reality is being informed is overrated right I'm just going to tell you right now like there's a certain point where you don't need more information is this your public action is this your insecurity is your fear because your dad didn't just teach you to go out there and get at it and I know that sounds kind of like you know just do the work I'm trying to reduce it but I'm just telling you that when you grow up in a broken family without a dad that there is a sort of anxiety and insecurity that's bred from that that makes you constantly want more information so the fact that you don't have that comes in focus you get married and start to have kids a lot of times the fact that you weren't guided and supported into maturity by other men who can encourage you to be on mission and keep you on track while you establish yourself it comes into focus so these men they do not go through that process at all and so instead default to instinct and the strongest instinct is to get a woman right we like how they look I like how they move my wife will walk to my living room and I'll say I like the way you walk it's pretty they're glorious I desire her right we feel that desire it's primal and so when you don't know how to when you're not thinking in terms of legacy you're always thinking in terms of instinct that's just natural that would happen that way indeed because of the curse and the burden of performance the strongest instinct is to get a woman while avoiding mission without fathers and brothers to push you on mission a man's instincts if he wants to avoid fornication anyhow pushes him into marriage instead I have a lot of guys doing this they're like I'm like why are you getting married well pornography is a sin I was like I agree that it's a sin and I agree marriage is good but you shouldn't get married just to avoid pornography because there's a different things going on there that's pushing you towards pornography sex and pornography aren't the same thing they're not even the same things neurologically and so you're gonna like you're gonna find that that's not a solution that's not enough reason to marry a woman not at all you'll find yourself in a lot of trouble so but the need for mission does not disappear nor the need to have his manhood validated so without fathers and brothers to guide a man into a larger goal and validate him as a man he tends to fill these voids with his wife and this is why so many many many marriages fail see I'm a man I got a woman I achieved my mission I got a wife she wants to have sex with me for a time right this is all this all proves I'm a man this creates so many unhappy marriages the more a man relies on his wife to validate his masculinity the more his direction in life centers around her the more needy of her he becomes the more needy a man is a woman the less attractive he is to her nothing repulses a woman like a needy man nothing neediness signals the opposite of dominion and control is the opposite of responsibility and authority and ability the man begins to treat his wife not as a helper but as a mother and this creates a vicious spiral of increasing disaffection less sex less togetherness and submission less confidence in each other for the man less mastery over his world less belief in his manhood hence the Hollywood trope of the buffoon dad who is functionally just another one of the children I hate the Barristan bearer I can't stand them like the two kids books I can't hate is I can't hate enough is curious George I want the man in the yellow hat to say George don't play with matches and then it says George was a very curious monkey and then it's like his like his burial plot that's what I want teaching my kids that you can disobey authority and always turn out the hero but the other one I don't like with the Barristan bears is that dad the dad bear papa bear whatever he's like this idiot that's always screwing up and mama's gotta put up with them and and set things right mama's gotta keep him away from sweets or he won't stick to his diet and it's it's undermining children's view of men as a throwaway joke whatever but when it becomes the whole plot the whole push of books and stories and sitcoms it really is undermining men some men are able to escape from the cycle once they realize what marriage has gotten them into they got the woman they got the sex but now they have to get they have to provide they therefore find themselves forced to mature as a man to get on mission to exercise dominion usually they'll resist this doing the bare minimum until children come along fatherhood is often the catalyst they need to really start scrambling into their masculinity I've seen this happen over and over again but even when this happens and it does not always happen it's a hundred degree 180 degrees to the way it should be and it is often too little too late they do start growing in the right mindset the mindset that should have produced fatherhood but they often simply don't have the time or guidance to turn the ship down before the marriage implodes our marriage was starting to implode because we are going two different directions we started out really well very patriarchal we got married and then we didn't want to have kids right away because people tell you that because people are idiots you know have kids right away if it's got whiskers it's not a kid you know so have kids right away but we we delayed that and then she was finishing her nursing degree and we just didn't have a central focus and it started to pull our marriage apart and we narrowly avoid divorce and what got us back heading the right direction is like you know what let's build a family, let's build a household and then three months from almost being divorced my wife got pregnant with Hudson who turned 15 yesterday so God could turn things around and it's a lot of times when you start to get moving that things get corrected Proverbs 24-27 says prepare your work outside and make it ready for yourself in the field afterwards and build your house you need to do some work on your field and prepare the raw materials before you take a wife to build your house stated concisely chase legacy not women it's not surprising that so few men figure this out compounding the dearth of fraternity the media for generations has been pushing precisely the reverse message the correct order is to get on mission then find a woman to compliment you but popular culture teaches men exactly the opposite in addition to the bozo father role models you'll see in many movies and popular TV shows music has been a key vector for indoctrinating men to the beta mindset take for instance the lyrics from this 1938 crooner song I don't want to set the world on fire in my heart I have but one desire and that one is you no other will do I've lost all ambition for worldly acclaim I just want to be the one you love and with your admission that you feel the same I'll have reached the goal I'm dreaming of along the same lines we have been again or we have again been taught by popular music Disney movies and even women's porn romance novels right that's what women's porn is that there exists only a single woman in the world who's the one the perfect soulmate for us who should we lose her could never be replaced and would forever leave a gaping void in our life placing a woman on a pedestal like that thinking of her as the one is enormously destructive and actually reflects the vestiges and possibly return to pagan thinking in our culture is yet another variant of androgyny coming from ancient monastic or monistic myths where humankind was originally made of a weird forearm or legged being that were split into two by the gods and each half being cursed to search out for the other in order to be complete again soulmates that's where the idea comes from that kind of paganism appears in more sophisticated forms in the modern day for instance many esoteric teachings were reinterpreted the fall as the failure of the ideal androgynous being to balance the masculine and feminine polarities in themselves with a subsequent loss of enlightenment beginning the process of reincarnation in male and female forms but whatever trappings are added to it the underlying idea is the same male and female are incomplete in themselves that's what they're trying to communicate and typically there is only one other half out there that perfectly matches you it's all garbage it's false it's a lie Satan's strategy is always the same cut the creator down to size by eliminating distinctions between him and his creation and this always has the same follow-on effects of eliminating all created distinctions claiming that they're not good parts of God's design but results of the fall ultimately reality perfected reality Satan would like us to think eliminates all distinctions into undifferentiated oneness that we all have to return to this blob almost this idea has wormed its way into our modern churches even much explicitly stated as implicitly taken for granted that true love eliminates all loneliness and that to find one soulmate is to become complete that's why so many marriages fail you bring that false idea into it connected with this true love takes on the divine power replacing the marriage covenant as the sanctifier of sex marriage covenant the vows the promises that we take before God and each other but God designed sex to image covenant love not romantic love the covenant love with the marriage certainly does involve romance but it is the covenant that sanctifies sex not the romance romance doesn't purify sex sex without romance is not dirty marriage purifies sex and sex without marriage is dirty unfortunately there is no longer wildly accept this is not even widely accepted in the church once romance becomes all that's required to make sex legitimate fornication becomes inevitable the whole this is why this is where gary marriage came from right marriage we changed what marriage was about we made marriage about being in love it was not ever about that that's part of marriage eventually marriage was about two people coming together to create a productive household and propagate a godly seed and as soon as we removed children of being a normal and necessary part of marriage right normative I mean there are exceptional cases where you're not able to have that happen we laid the groundwork for homosexual marriage in America that's how that happened we changed well who are we they love each other who are we to get in the way of their love that's not what marriage is about though right how long does a gay society last all gay society one generation that's it one generation theology has practical consequences and practice has theological consequences everything's religious everything's theological everything's ordered around a world view it's impossible right now the religion of America is statism we worship the government that's the main religion and when you when you create a vacuum nature abhors it and it fills it with something else and as we've tossed aside our Christian heritage here in America it's being filled with a paganistic statism the western church has quietly reversed the relationship between marriage and what it symbolizes the functional worship of women has been the inevitable result marriage is God's picture of the perfect one togetherness we will ultimately experience in communion with him that is the reality it points to to flip this around and make marriage a fulfillment of this reality in fact is blasphemy I emphasize this so you'll understand that we must chase an excellent legacy than women you especially cannot become stuck on a single woman as one you absolutely must marry without whom you simply cannot be happy whether you get hurt or not such a mindset will lead you into shipwreck anyone who thinks that their spouse is their other half that completes them is setting their marriage up for failure I tell people jokingly she's my feminine half right but it's a joke I don't I don't have a half I'm complete I am what God made me to be I'm a man she's a woman she's complete I don't lack anything in my person that needs to be filled by my wife in my person no spouse can ever fulfill all your needs because no spouse was made to imagine otherwise leads to the ever-increasing discontentment heartache instead of what you should see in a healthy marriage which is rather the other thing not only this but such a mindset will rationalize divorce when scripture forbids it since the spouse wasn't my soulmate I've heard that so many times as proved by the fact that marriage well you prove that she's not your soulmate when the marriage doesn't go well right she's not making me happy therefore she's not my soulmate I can divorce her no woman will ever complete you neither will you complete her no woman could ever fully satisfy you neither you her only God can it's not normal and generally healthy to become attached to oh excuse me it is normal and generally healthy to become attached to an attractive woman whom God places in your path and once you determine she will make a good wife all the more but it's immensely easy in our modern day to become irrationally obsessed and we or I must warn you that this is not only unmanly but ultimately ungodly right it reflects a deep seated theological idolatry if you are dragged if you drag it out into the light of day you will find it important and immediately wish to put it to death because you end up what you end up doing is putting your whole locus of control on your wife and then also you your locus of dominion and virtue everything becomes about her it's impossible for a man to gain gravitas that way gravitas the old roman virtue that means weight right it's like it's like gravity if you're taking her putting the greater weight on her you're losing your gravitas your gravity your pool a man that does this will not be virtuous and gain gravitas but it will be like William money again in the movie Unforgiven he's domesticated by his wife's expectations at the very beginning of the movie and Roger Ebert in his review of the movie says violent men in the movie are civilized by school marms preachers and judges the very problem we're facing on a global scale right now you don't want to be civilized in this way becoming as Ebert puts it like a contrite little boy that you need the woman to civilize you on the contrary you must exercise dominion over your drives to become a man of holy violence the kind of man who seizes the kingdom of God by force that's Matthew 11 12 it says that that's what the bible says and he does it for the good of himself of his wife and his entire household so it's true that it's not good for a man to be alone God makes a point of illustrating this Adam needs a helper opposite of him the Hebrew word carries the connotation both of facing him as a reflection but also inversely corresponding to him as a helper meaning one who does for another what he cannot but inability is not in completeness separately Adam and Eve are both complete themselves they're fully formed people who lack nothing in their extended manner of imaging God man was made in the image of God female and male they're made it's rather that this intended manner is distinct to their sexes and thus incomplete with respect to the purpose of humanity taken as a whole in other words roughly speaking Adam can subdue but not fill Eve can fill but struggles to subdue so the way that man and woman complete each other is in the mission when the bible says it's not good for man to be alone it's not saying hey the way you become a man as you get a woman that's in the context of being fruitful and multiply we're not asexual we don't like cut a finger off and it grows into a person and moreover we can't rule and reign and subdue the earth by ourselves we need a woman to join us in that we need other men to join in it but in the beginning it was just Adam and Eve and so to build a society to build a fraternity it must come from their marriage to their household that's what I ultimately see the flaw of migtail men go in their own way is that they'll tell us we'll back out of society by backing out of society women will learn their lesson well I like to ask I'm gonna hear about this but I like to ask how many generations is this something that takes multiple generations to fix the law to fix society and they'll say yeah at least all the ones I talk to you will say that well who's gonna fight the battle next generation who's gonna work to do this well the women will just call us back it's not what's gonna happen if we want to change society we have to rebuild homes we have to get back on mission we have to look at building a legacy again you do not need a wife to complete you you're fine you're the man that God made you to be you need to repent of sin but there's nothing wrong with your nature that a woman completes she completes the mission I cannot mother my children and my wife cannot father them understand we need fathers and mothers we need the masculine and the feminine to accomplish these things so it's the mission that we really need to get back to to be focused on that's how the legacy brings this all in the focus if you don't know what your mission is you can't really access whether a particular woman will make a good helper for it if you don't know what you're doing where you're going it's not going to help finding and pursuing a godly mission should come before finding and pursuing a godly wife and that's if you think go look back when you're young if some of you have gone through a divorce you know ask yourself how focused were you how clear did you know what you want wanted to go and had you in retrospect had more clarity would you have married that woman right would you have done it many of us wouldn't know right we went into a marriage for wrong reasons and there was consequences this is God's design it shouldn't surprise you that being on mission also makes finding and pursuing a godly woman a lot easier you'll be far more likely to be successful and far more likely to attract a higher quality woman because women are attracted to men on mission when you make achieving the mission your mission you're compared or more likely to find a wife and achieve the mission and when you make achieving marriage your mission you're less likely to find a wife and you will achieve very little else besides right you can't make marriage your mission marriage is something that as you are on mission comes alongside of it I know it's terrible right it's like the more you want women the less they want you and but this is how things are designed it's because women want a man that doesn't need them but wants a man that wants their health right that's what's going on there so they want you to want them in your life but not because you need them think of it this way a woman's looking for a good leader but a leader isn't just someone people follow he's someone they believe will take them where they want to go to lead you must have a vision of where you're going a mission that you're working towards right so the vision is a mental picture of what your mission will look like when it's completed that's the distinction between the two if your mission is no more than getting a wife where are you leading her to herself no sane holy woman will want to marry a man who's functionally leading her to herself no sane holy woman wants a man deifying her getting a wife really does logically come after you don't want to be playing catch up once you're married feeling like a phony and these are do you want to find yourself unable to attract the quality of woman that every good Christian man wants no matter how good you are or how good your game is if you have far better odds of attracting a good wife if you first take have taken the time to develop yourself into the kind of man that every good Christian woman wants you want enough gravitas to draw that kind of woman into your orbit any man can get a woman any man can just check out your nearest red-like district but if you want a problems 31 woman rather than lady folly you're going to have to work a lot harder on yourself such women will naturally gravitate to men who can demonstrate godly dominion so you must develop gravitas but it's not just women who gravitate to such men other men do also this is why I placed fraternity before marriage gravitas is primarily signified through your relationship with other men mission is achieved with other men women are attracted to men whom they see other men wanting to honor and follow status and mastery in a masculine hierarchy are clear signals that you're to be desired as a husband women are looking for that status in men that's something that isn't same with us guys like we don't really care about her social status if she's attractive and she complements as well in her attitude and responsiveness like we don't really care if she has a phd or where she is at least not healthy men don't at all the upshot for us here is it's much easier to find a godly wife when you have prepared your field a man on mission is simply more attractive consider if a man tells another man that he's dating a new girl what's the first question he's going to ask what does she look like you got a picture? every guy is going to do that if a woman tells another woman that she's dating a new guy one of the first questions is going to be what's his career what's he doing looks matter for ladies they care but the mission matters even more nice guys finish last and jerks get the girl not because girls like jerks but because they like men on mission the nice guy thinks he should make the woman his mission and he puts her on a pedestal which means he demotes his mission in favor of her the jerk doesn't do that he's his independent drives supersedes her and that attracts her subconsciously no woman wants the burden and stress of being a man's center at a deep level she knows it would make them both miserable so the jerk the fact that he she says hey let's go do this and he doesn't even care what that signals to her is that he's independent and he's going to do his own thing and he's going somewhere and that attracts her it's not that he's mean you know I've seen guys like start to get really rude or something and think that's going to help them but it's confusing to her because she doesn't like the treatment but at the same time she doesn't want to be the anchor of the relationship even if she pushes against them she wants them to push back moreover because she knows herself she cannot help despising a man who would settle for such a mediocre vision she wants to help him work towards something greater than both of them as she was designed to not watch passively as he works for something no bigger than herself she wants a man that's worthy right and he's worthy by what by his mission his worthy mission a goal a legacy something he's building as we detach legacy from manhood we're going to cut a man's desires off his aim he's going to be floating around like some planet outside of any gravity so legacy is almost like the sun that holds earth in its gravitational pool and then the woman says oh he's steady and stable and he's going somewhere and she becomes something like the moon that goes around the earth as it goes around the sun the takeaway isn't to be a jerk men should be kind and humble but absolutely driven nothing can get in the way of the mission that's not only attracts potential spouses but works as a filtering system marrying me means joining my mission if you won't join this won't this won't work before I started dating Emily I was teaching a Bible study I became a Christian when I was 17 started teaching a Bible study right away and teaching a Bible study is kind of like being a drummer and a band it doesn't really matter what you look like the girls are kind of into you so it wasn't that I had to pick the litter back then if I wanted to but I was a new Christian and I was really just trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my life I was in the Marines but then I was like conflicted on if it's okay to kill people I was just thinking through all that stuff so I put that on pause and I decided to put dating on pause as well and I wasn't really interested in any girls but then M caught my interest somehow and we became friends and we wrote a ton of letters like 200 letters back and forth and I was so poor I'd have to drive from southern Indiana to Kentucky to call her because she lived in Ohio it's a tri-state area so Indiana to Ohio is long distance that's like $10 in quarters where I could drive across the river into Kentucky which was only one quarter to call over to Ohio so I'd drive over there and call and we got to know each other and then I thought yeah I think this seems like a good woman for me so one night I asked if I could walk her home to live the block from the Bible study and I walked her to the top of this hill and I remember telling her I like you I want to get to know you but I want you to know that I feel called the ministry and that's going to mean that there's a good chance we're going to be poor I'm going to be gone a lot that's certainly proven to be true and I'm probably going to be hated and if you don't want that for your future that's okay this wouldn't be the relationship for me there's no reason to go forward so I kind of thought that might be the end but like she swooned and so I went in to hug her she'll be embarrassed me saying this but she went in for a kiss I just went to hug her and she kind of did the whole pump the brakes but she knew this guy's going somewhere women want to jump on the back of a guy on a motorcycle because it's exciting it's an adventure it's a mission, it's a legacy he's going somewhere and taking her along with them that was 20 years 22 years ago I'm still with her love her it's great when I proposed her I drove the car back to the same hill type I was really angry I pretended to be angry I didn't want her to know I was going to propose her because she knew it was coming so trying to get it some way to surprise her and then we got to the top of that hill and I said there's something wrong with the car I'm going to park here for a second she had to be thinking it was weird but I threw up the trunk and she came out and I did the one knee thing but I asked her to marry me and she said yes and I liked that, this is a good picture our relationship we love each other but it was founded on mission and I'm glad that when I proposed her was that the place where that was made clear and I've told my wife I will choose God over you every single time every single time to live as Christ to die I'll praise you guys but to live as Christ to die to live as Christ to die is gained and this has been the key to the health of our marriage is that we have, we're going somewhere trying to build something bigger than ourselves don't think that I'm saying that figuring out your mission is a silver bullet for finding a wife, it's not I know how hard it is out there compared to just a generation ago that's why I'm here, I'm frustrated as I said in the opener I want to find ways back I'm like the last of a generation where I married my high school sweetheart and I married my wife when she was a virgin we've been together the whole time we've had a bunch of kids I know that's rare and I know it's out there, it's like the rubble like in society but one of my favorite shows to watch with my wife I don't watch anymore but it's this show where they reclaim old wood and they reclaim old metal and stuff and they beautify and they make like a table or something out of it or a house and I'm telling you, you can rebuild from the rubble still you can still use the stuff there and you can build an amazing life and what I hate what I hate and despise about so much of the man's fear I can't stand about it is there's so many fake gurus out there that tell you it's awesome marriage but you can't have it it's too bad I hear them say that one I doubt they have an awesome marriage if they're saying that because there is nothing special about me I drew some good cards I'll admit that and I played them pretty well but in essence I'm in the same country and I there's a lot of the same factors that I had to face that you've got some new ones that you can really have a good marriage I'm convinced that you can find a fraternity of men it's going to take effort it's going to be a little bit harder but when you find it it's going to even be all the more powerful mission is where you should start it will increase your odds God's giving you gifts how can you use them to give him glory and expand his kingdom what are you good at I can't fix things I'm bad at it so I'm good at talking that's my gift good at thinking some of y'all are awesome with your hands you can fix things and right now since there's a lot of people like me that can't fix things you probably end up making more money than even I could what are your gifts how can you use them what vocation is a good use of your gifts what skills and discipline do you need to develop and excel in that vocation pursue them with a singleness of mind be patient do not be deceived by the illusion of the short term God is faithful when a man sows so shall he reap and do time people always think of that in the negative but there's a positive truth there too do not give your strength to women nor to anything else that will consume it instead of magnifying it do not be harnessed pacified or destroyed rather build yourself up start working to exercise dominion over yourself and your world find other like men and pursue legacy with them and if you are to have a wife if you are to have a wife that's worth your salt worth you a man on mission a rare man's day you'll find her if you're out with other guys building a legacy you will or you decide that wasn't the life for me and you build into the next generation and that's why all this talk here if you don't believe in the afterlife if you don't have some greater purpose to your life it's just all vanity it's all vanity there is a God and he's faithful and he's a good father he's a patriarch and he will strengthen you to do these things men and we need you men we need you not to to leave and give up on building godly households so find those men pursue legacy with them everything will fall from that all right got time for questions so if you want to ask jump on up to the mic so Michael what would you say some what what does a good marriage versus a bad marriage look like in your opinion a good marriage has a clear purpose right the way I would explain it the purpose of a marriage is the building of a household and a household is alive together with children that you're raising up to carry on your traditions your ethics your mission to the next generation so a good marriage has a focus to it so a marriage cannot be inward focus where the wife and husband are the only source of happiness but the happiness comes from being outward focus on some greater goal than themselves and that's the key so what you find a lot of marriages when they're falling apart I'll ask people in marriage counseling what do you guys do together and usually the only things they do together is like maybe watch TV they don't have kids or anything and now it's a danger making the kids the focus of the marriage too because you'll see a lot of divorces happen and she says the oldest kid is about to graduate high school so there's a danger there as well but the point is you have to start moving your marriage into something together that moves into the future so that would be some of the main I mean that's a huge question obviously but if you're trying to get a general thing going on that's what it is the woman is helping the man's mission and so a lot of times a woman can't do that because she's got a more developed view of where they should go than the man does so a good marriage is one that has a great mission and the guy is leading it that would be kind of a general answer thank you thank you great talk on the indisposable legacy of a man thank you sir what would you suggest as a tip or pointer or recommendation to men on how to set the priorities in their life because if he has his job as first and he has his wife as first he's going to have problems he's going to have problems yeah so vocation means calling so your vocation is your calling and it's that mission you're doing together so again your wife is coming into the mission and this used to make more sense pre-industrial revolution and so the industrial revolution happened and changed the nature of households in America in a major way and we're still learning from the years and decades instead of centuries and millennia that's how you have to think so when I think of things like cars I think of them as new technology when I think of suburbs I think of them as a new development when I read a book that's from the 1800s I still view it as new so start thinking older and broader and that will help you realize how insane the times we live in on a farm or they had some sort of cottage industry blacksmiths or whatever everyone the whole family was involved in the work so the home was a economic productive unit so it's where you lived you got worked on together back then men and women worked together and adults and children worked together then because of the industrial revolution we removed certain aspects of productivity out of the house now the men sort of leave the house to go out there to the factory but interesting enough in the early days of the factory men, women and children all worked together whole families would work together in the factory slowly but surely it came that the women and children just had to stay back for very practical reasons so then the sense was that the home was like where you taught and kind of hung out and had hospitality maybe a garden but the real work happened outside of the home right now fast forward as we get into the more modern age soon all the education happened outside of the home and then soon you started to go into restaurants instead of having people over and the home got more and more emaciated to all the home is is a place where you go sleep and entertain and so I think one thing we should prioritize is the reclaiming of a productive household you should look for ways we have chickens, we have dogs me and my wife in my sons and daughters we ran an ebay, amazon things I'd go out and source with my boys and haggle or whatever and then buy stuff and then me and my wife would crack open a bottle of pino and pack up the stuff and send it off to amazon what was family time, what was business time it was time, time to gather, time doing things so the problem is we have this mindset of like a woman has her life and they're competing you can't have two callings you can't have two vocations you just can't do it you've got a voice calling you over here and a voice calling over there and there's this idea you have this perfect parallel line but even the slightest you pull apart and that's exactly what the apod are marriage is and so I think prioritize a productive home and help women don't want to just be maids and cook women are smart they're very capable women are just like children you're saying that because you don't understand emotions they're different than men their emotions are needed and helpful my wife can do incredible things she's educating all my kids she syncs up the books and we talk finances I oversee it but she's the one that does the day to day stuff I don't even think about it that often, it's wonderful and so she's very very capable and women want the house to be something where they can start to feel fulfillment again or like liars like Betty Frieden in all these second way of feminists that said oh the house is a trap well you know what, if nothing of value is happening at home it is just a box so let's bring value back to the household like let's start little side hustles even just to teach your kids the difference between a liability and an asset and a revenue and profit and help give her what she needs to educate your kids we've got to get our kids out of public school it's evil it is the religious discipleship arm of the status government and even the way they teach even if they're teaching truth the way they teach Rob's passion for learning like take textbooks just memorize the bold text you'll pass the text but is that learning, is that making you love history, love science and so I want a woman that can educate my children and so I hear people talk about especially in the patriarchal Christian circles I come from well do you think women need education absolutely they do now does that mean they'll get education in the academy maybe maybe not a lot of us don't receive education in the academy my point is that we need to develop them and so giving a woman a home and letting her know when you get home you married man? so when you get home a lot of times your wife's like what happened today well you're thinking I just experienced that I don't want to talk about what happened today I don't want to but what she's really saying is what did we do today she sees you as an extension out there and the women are insanely ambitious for their men right and so when she's saying what did we accomplish so make her feel like part of it because she is, I'm here because of what my wife was allowing me to do by taking care of her kids and being a capable woman that can take care of our home so I give her reports like hey it's a really good conference this year here's what's going on, here's the speakers because this is I'm she's participated in this mission that way so I think that's we're reclaiming the home and letting her know even when you're away she makes it possible right, those are a few ideas that's good, that's good thank you, thank you anyone else? one more question okay let's do it okay so I asked you before what a healthy marriage looks like compared to not a healthy marriage I think like what I was really meaning to ask is what are the right and wrong reasons to enter a marriage I mean the biggest one that I pointed out is that if you're thinking the woman's going to make you happy like in herself that's a really bad reason she'll bring joy to you she just can't be the locus of it and so that's don't enter in because that will make me a man you have to really be secure in your manhood and your purpose and what you're trying to accomplish before you enter into that marriage and the destruction I see is a woman can't bear that, she doesn't want that it's a lot of weight to put on a woman, it's unfair so that would be a right reason to go into a marriage I think marriage is three purposes it's got the purpose to have a proper outlet for our sexual drive as men right, so I think you should have lots of sex with one woman not a little bit of sex with lots of women okay, and I say let your sex be fruitful, put babies in her right, and it's great that's the best type of sex to have is fruitful sex and a woman, it's funny a woman can like go from like my wife weighing like 115 pounds to 150 pounds when she's pregnant she's just kind of waddles she's still cute, right because it's beautiful, it's your legacy and all that so it's a kind of companionship my wife is not my best friend she's my wife I've had several best friends in this life, I only have one wife and that's a special category of itself so it's a special type of companionship and you grow in that friendship as you take care of your kids and your property and all that sort of stuff people will say hey don't have kids until you get to know each other trust me, kids we'll help you get to know each other so it'll you'll be brought together through it and then lastly it's the propagation of godly seed is what Malachi 2.15 says in scripture that the purpose God has designed marriage to produce the next generation and so I'm after my great-grandchildren that's that's where my kind of vision stops because it's getting so far out there I'm just dreaming dreams but I can actually start laying up money laying up bitcoin, whatever I can start laying up property and stuff and in virtues and ideas reminding my kids what the foster name means these were men that take risk, were men that are scared of challenge were men that are faithful to god no matter what building these ideas into them and so that's what a good marriage does it's focused on that next generation you enjoy the sex you enjoy the friendship and you're building a legacy together that your kids will carry on into the future those are actually from the Westminster Confession of Faith, 1647 Protestant document those are the purposes taken from that the church has forgotten it the current state of the church now is basically a heretical apostate church probably 75% of it probably worse than that but we've actually what's happening right now is pre-reformation men hated women they actually thought that women needed semen to keep their womans from drying up they really did, it was a really common thing and they were anti-marriage this is a book when fathers ruled by Steven Osment, OZ, ME&T he's a Calvinistic theologian and historian and this has all happened before actually and it totally broke down in the way that they were able to rebuild Europe which led to America was they had a better theology of family of patriarchy and the purpose of children and so Luther was like Luther was all about, he said guys that hate children are just worthless, Luther had no patience and Luther actually married Catherine I'm about to the Reformation Day we celebrate this process, got tied up real quick we have to get back to that this has all happened before, read that book there we go, thank you Thank you Pastor Michael Foster everyone, one more time what he represents is patriarchy we're here to do work as men as patriarchy there's nothing more natural than being a father tonight a dangerous new phase of Russia's invasion underway largely peaceful protest has escalated into violence the start of the pandemic the daily new case average is now more than 750 the University of Pennsylvania are getting a lot of attention in fueling a debate over transgender athletes racist and used pepper spray is hundreds of people took to the streets protesters say the lockdown is authoritarian and a way to deflect criticism of a vaccination protest now that the men are weak most men are weak and beta how do you get past this how do you overcome this how do you be a real man how do you be a husband and a father we are such a matriarchal society and we hate the patriarchy so much that we kick men out of the conversation and then that turns into hate and vitriol and that turns into bad family and then more men ousted mother nature and mother earth and we're such a matriarchal society that we don't even realize that we created a single mother you know with too many kids and she can't handle it they're overpopulation so who's going to come in and rescue well not god the father the government will come in don't worry the government's going to come in the barbarians at the door we are living through what will be a very challenging time we will see challenging times and when shit it's a fan reality exposes itself we're exposing the enemy we can't take this back until we expose the enemy for what it is and to say no that has been the biggest challenge that has been where we've dropped the ball as men is because we're too accepted we're too tolerant I'm calling for intolerance for evil we need to be able to properly identify with the definition what is masculinity a big part of it is being able to recognize objective standards boundaries and expectations something about drawing the line we're seeing ideals torn down we're saying that there can't be the best of anything no one wants to say what is good and what is bad I think men naturally like hierarchy they want something to be above and something to be so they have a direction to shoot for we'll move away from this kind of hierarchy into this flat linear peer orientation we lose our routing not only as as a civilization but even people as individuals and it's really hard because everything about the way society is structured right now is geared toward peer orientation technology structures us that way breakdown of the nuclear family structures us that way you see it everywhere and you realize how dangerous it is and how important it is for families to be oriented toward each other and maintain and build their own cultures as opposed to letting your kids have everything about who they are be determined by their friends we're in a point in life where we need men to stand up and do heroic things and we can say that all people also need to do that yeah we have very big monsters out there and we have guys who are actually doing the work to slay them the weight of the world is too much to carry for one man no matter how big and strong you are no matter what battle you're fighting it's always good to have brothers around you they make you better and I've learned that the tribe of the gym that important aspect of building a tribe of people who are of like mind who you can depend on who hold you accountable who will call you on your BS and I don't think that there's enough of that today I've always wanted to love connecting things and people and this event is the ultimate culmination of that for me it's really amazing it's easily some of the most unique work going on in America and no one else is talking about it I call the official tagline for now with 21 convention is America's last stand for masculinity I think it is as a reflection of the man's sphere the event is the heart of the man's sphere as I see it but when you listen to these men speak there's some of the most educated reversed experienced men where you can ask them any question and you're going to get an amazing answer obviously the criticism of these kinds of things is like they're just for pickup artists or whatever which that hasn't been the case at all this year almost nothing had to do with that at all it's more about men improving themselves and that's why I've always liked the 21 convention with this conference it definitely fills me with an energy that I have never got anywhere else what do you do for yourself? every day you do some self love and you read a book and you're trying to always be better why not do this thing and be around other people who read the book and do the thing and maybe it'll help you sling and take that aim for the next year you gotta make the investment whether it's your time, your money you come out to something like this and you don't just come out and attend you exchange numbers you discuss ideas you put yourself out there you don't be afraid to jump into a conversation and start talking with these people because people who are coming here are coming here to discuss big ideas important ideas you're not going to have that opportunity go into the bar on a Friday night not just talking about being masculine but okay you've done all the self development what are you going to do with it at 21 Summit we're making men alpha again rebuilding the patriarchy and making women great again change you can believe in