 Chapter 1 of Paul Clifford. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Paul Clifford by Edward Woolworth-Litton. Chapter 1. Say, ye oppressed by some fantastic woes, some jarring nerve that baffles your repose, who press the downy couch while slaves advance with timid eye to read the distant glance, who with sad prayers the weary doctor tees to name the nameless ever-new disease, who with mocked patience dire complaints endure, which real pain and that alone can cure. How would you bear in real pain to lie despised, neglected, left alone to die? How would you bear to draw your latest breath, where all that's wretched paves the way to death? Crab. It was a dark and stormy night, the rain fell in torrents except at occasional intervals when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets, for it is in London that our scene lies, rattling along the housetops and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness. Through one of the obscurest quarters of London and among haunts little loved by the gentlemen of the police, a man evidently of the lowest orders was wending his solitary way. He stopped twice or thrice at different shops and houses of a description correspondent with the appearance of the Cartier in which they were situated, and tended inquiry for some article or another which did not seem easily to be met with. All the answers he received were couched in the negative, and as he turned from each door he muttered to himself in no very elegant phraseology his disappointment and discontent. At length at one house the landlord a sturdy butcher after rendering the same reply, the inquirer had hitherto received, added, but if this bill do as well, dummy, it is quite at your service. Using reflectively for a moment, dummy responded that he thought the thing proffered might do as well, and thrusting it into his ample pocket he strode away with as rapid a motion as the wind and the rain would allow. He soon came to a nest of low and dingy buildings at the entrance to which in half effaced characters was written, halting at the most conspicuous of these buildings an inn or ale house through the half-closed windows of which blazed out in ruddy comfort the beams of the hospitable heart he knocked hastily at the door. He was admitted by a lady of a certain age and endowed with a comely rotundity of face and person. Has God it dummy? said she quickly as she closed the door and the guest. Noah, Noah, not exactly, but I think says how? Pishufu cried the woman interrupting him peevishly, but it is no use disarming me. You know you has only stepped from my boozing can to another, and you has not been uttered the book at all, so there's the poor creature raving and the dying. And you let I speak interrupted dummy in his turn. I tells you I bent first to mother Busblones who I know chops the winers morning and evening to the young ladies and I acts as there for a Bible and she says she I as only a companion to the halter, but you'll get a Bible. I think it master talcans the cobbler as preaches. So I goes to master talcans and he says says he I has no call for the Bible cause by I as a call without but may have you'll be are getting it at the butchers over the bay cause by the butchers will be damned. So I goes over the bay and the butcher says says he I has not a Bible but I has a book of plays bound for all the world just like an and may have the poor creature may see the difference. So I takes the place Mrs. Marjorie and here they be surely and house poor Judy fearsome shall not be over the night. I'm a thinking they'll I'll track up the dancers. So saying dummy ascended a doorless staircase across the entrance of which a blanket stretched angularly from the wall to the chimney afforded a kind of screen and presently he stood within a chamber which the dark and painful genius of crab might have delighted to portray. The walls were whitewashed and at sundry places strange figures and grotesque characters had been traced by some mirthful inmate in such sable outline as the end of a smoked stick or the edge of a piece of charcoal is want to produce. The wand and flickering light afforded by a farthing candle gave a sort of grimness and menace to these achievements of pictorial art especially as they more than once received embellishments from portraits of Satan such as he is accustomed to be drawn. A low fire burned gloomily in the city great and on the hob hissed the still small voice of an iron kettle. On a round deal table were two vials, a cracked cup, a broken spoon of some dull metal and upon two or three mutilated chairs were scattered various articles of female attire. On another table placed below a high narrow shutterless casement a thwart which instead of a curtain a checked apron had been loosely hung and now weighed fitfully to and fro in the gusts of wind that made easy ingress through a many a chink and cranny were a looking glass, sundry appliances of the toilet, a box of coarse rouge, a few ornaments of more show than value and a watch, the regular and calm click of which produced that indescribably painful feeling which we fear many of our readers who have heard the sound in a sick chamber can easily recall. A large tester bed stood opposite to this table and the looking glass partially reflected curtains of a faded stripe and ever and anon as the position of the sufferer followed the restless emotion of a disordered mind glimpses of the face of one on whom death was rapidly hastening. Beside this bed now stood dummy a small thin man dressed in a tattered plush jerkin from which the raindrops slowly dripped and with a thin yellow cunning physiognomy grotesquely hideous in feature but not positively villainous in expression. On the other side of the bed stood a little boy of about three years old dressed as if belonging to the better classes although the garb was somewhat tattered and discolored. The poor child trembled violently and evidently looked with a feeling of relief on the entrance of dummy and now there slowly and with many physical sigh heaved towards the foot of the bed the heavy frame of the woman who had accosted dummy below and had followed him hode passibus aiquus to the room of the sufferer. She stood with a bottle of medicine in her hand shaking its contents up and down and with a kindly yet timid compassion spread over a countenance crimsoned with habitual libations. This made the scene say that on a chair by the bedside lay a profusion of long glossy golden ringlets which had been cut from the head of the sufferer when the fever had begun to mount upwards but which with a jealousy that portrayed the darling littleness of a vain heart she had seized and insisted on retaining near her and saved that by the fire perfectly inattentive to the event about to take place within the chamber and to which we of the biped race attached so awful and importantly a large grey cat curled in a ball and dozing with half shut eyes and ears that now and then denoted by a gentle inflection the jar of a louder or nearer sound than usual upon her lethargic senses. The dying woman did not at first attend to the entrance either of dummy or the female at the foot of the bed but she turned herself round towards the child and grasping his arm fiercely she drew him towards her and gazed on his terrified features with a look in which exhaustion and an exceeding oneness of complexion were even horribly contrasted by the glare and energy of delirium. If you are like him she muttered I will strangle you I will I tremble you ought to tremble when your mother touches you or when he is mentioned you have his eyes you have out with them out the devil sits laughing in them oh you weep do you little one well now be still my love be hushed I would not harm thee harm oh God he is my child after all and at these words she clasped the boy passionately to her breast and burst into tears come now come said dummy soothingly take the stuff Judith and then we'll talk over the herchin the mother relaxed her grasp of the boy and turning towards the speaker gazed at him for some moments with a bewildered stare at length she appeared slowly to remember him and said as she raised herself on one hand and pointed the other towards him with an inquiring gesture thou has brought the book dummy answered by lifting up the book he had brought from the honest butchers clear the room then said the sufferer with that air of mock command so common to the insane we would be alone dummy winked at the good woman at the foot of the bed and she though generally no easy person to order or to persuade left without reluctance the sick chamber if she be a going to pray murmured our landlady for that office did the good matron hold I may indeed as well take myself off for it's not wary comfortable like to those who be old to hear all that year with this pious reflection the hostess of the mug so was the hostile recalled heavily descended the creaking stairs now man said the sufferer sternly swear that you will never reveal swear I say and by the great God whose angels are about this night if ever you break the oath I will come back and haunt you to your dying day dummies faith grew pale for he was superstitiously affected by the vehemence and the language of the dying woman and he answered as he kissed the pretended Bible that he swore to keep the secret as much as he knew of it which she must be sensible he said was very little as he spoke the wind swept with a loud and sudden gust down the chimney and shook the roof above them so violently as to loosen many of the crumbling tiles which fell one after the other with a crashing noise on the pavement below dummy started in a fright and perhaps his conscience smote him for the trick he had played with regard to the false Bible but the woman who's excited and unstrung nerves let her astray from one subject to another with preternatural celerity said with an hysterical laugh see dummy they come in state for me give me the cap yonder and bring the looking glass dummy obeyed and the woman as she in a low tone uttered something about the unbecoming color of the ribbons adjusted the cap on her head and then saying in a regretful and petulant voice why should they have cut off my hair such a disfigurement bad dummy desired Mrs. Marjorie once more to ascend to her left alone with her child the face of the wretched mother softened as she regarded him and all the leather tees and all the the immances if we may use the word which in the turbulent commotion of her delirium had been stirred upward to the surface of her mind gradually now sank as death increased upon her and a mother's anxiety rose to the natural level from which it had been disturbed and abased she took the child to her bosom and clasping him in her arms which grew weaker with every instant she sued him with the sort of chant which nurses sing over their untoward infants but her voice was cracked and hollow and as she felt it was so the mother's eyes filled with tears Mrs. Marjorie now reentered and turning towards the hostess with an impressive calmness of manner which astonished and all the person she addressed the dying woman pointed to the child and said you have been kind to me very kind and may God bless you for it I found that those whom the world calls the worst are often the most human but I'm not going to thank you as I ought to do but to ask of you alas and exceeding favor protect my child till he grows up you have often said you loved him you are childish yourself and a morsel of bread and a shelter for the night which is all I ask of you to give him will not impoverish more legitimate claimants poor Mrs. Marjorie fairly sobbing about she would be a mother to the child and that she would endeavor to rear him honestly though a public house was not she confessed the best place for good examples take him cried the mother horse Lee as her voice failing her strength rattled and distinctly and almost died within her take him rear him as you will as you can any example any roof better than here the words were inaudible and though may it be a curse and give me the medicine I am dying the hostess alarmed hasten to comply but before she returned to the bedside the sufferer was insensible nor did she again recover speech or motion a low and rare moan only testified continued life and within two hours that seized and the spirit was gone at that time our good hostess was herself beyond the things of this outer world having supported her spirits during the vigils of the night with so many little liquid stimulants that they finally sank into that torpor which generally succeeds excitement taking perhaps advantage of the opportunity which the insensibility of the hostess afforded him dummy by the expiring ray of the candle that burned in the death chamber hastily opened a huge box which was generally concealed under the bed and contained the wardrobe of the deceased and turned with irreverent hand over the linens and the silks until quite at the bottom of the trunk he discovered some packets of letters these he seized and buried in the conveniences of his dress he then rising and replacing the box cast a longing eye towards the watch on the toilet table which was of gold but he withdrew his gaze and with the careless sigh observed to himself the old blowing kens of that odd rudder but how some ever I'll take this who knows but it may be of service tannies today may be smashed tomorrow meaning what is of no value now may be precious hereafter and he laid his course hand on the golden and silky tress as we have described is a rum business and puzzles I but mom's the word for my own little cold quaren neck with this brief soliloquy dummy descended the stairs and let himself out of the house in the chapter one chapter two of Paul Clifford by Edward Edward Lytton this liberal box recording is in the public domain chapter two imagination fondly stooped to trace the parlor splendors of that festive place deserted village there is little to interest in a narrative of early childhood unless indeed one were writing on education we shall not therefore linger the infancy of the motherless boy left to the protection of Mrs. Marjorie Lopkins or as she was sometimes familiarly called Peggy or Piggy log the good dame drawing a more than sufficient income from the profits of a house which is situated in an obscure locality enjoyed very general and lucrative repute and being alone with it without gift or kin had no temptation to break her word to the deceased and she suffered the orphan to wax in strength and understanding until the age of 12 a period which we are now about to reintroduce him to our readers the boy events great hardy hood of temper and no inconsiderable quickness of intellect in whatever he attempted his success was rapid and a remarkable strength of limb and muscle seconded well the dictates of an ambition turned it must be confessed rather to physical than mental exertion it is not to be supposed however that his boyish life passed in unbroken tranquility although Mrs. Lopkins was a good woman on the whole and greatly attached to her protege she was violent and rude in temper whereas she herself more flatteringly expressed it her feelings were unkemenly strong and alternate quarrel and reconciliation constituted the chief occupations of the protege's domestic life as previous to his becoming the ward of Mrs. Lopkins he had never received any other appellation than the child so the duty of christening him devolved upon our hostess of the mug and after some deliberation she blessed him with the name of paul it was the name of happy omen for it had belonged to Mrs. Lopkins's grandfather who had been three times transported and twice hanged at the first occurrence of the latter description he had been restored by the surgeons much to the chagrin of a young anatomist who was to have had the honor of cutting him up the boy did not seem likely to merit the distinguished appellation he bore for he testified no remarkable predisposition to the property of other people may although he sometimes emptied the pockets of any stray visitor to the coffee room of Mrs. Lopkins it appeared an act of originating rather in a love of the frolic and a desire of the profit for after the plundered person had been sufficiently tormented by the loss happily of such utilities as a tobacco box or a handkerchief after he had to the secret delight of paul searched every corner of the apartment stamped and fretted and exposed himself by his petulance to the bitter objugation of Mrs. Lopkins our young friend would quietly and suddenly contrive that the article missed should return of its own accord to the pocket from which it had disappeared and thus as our readers have doubtless experience when they have disturbed the peace of a whole household for the loss of some portable treasure which they themselves are afterwards discovered to have mislead the unfortunate victim of paul's honest ingenuity exposed to the collective indignation of the spectators and sinking from the accuser into the convicted secretly cursed the unhappy lot which not only vexed him with the loss of his property but made it still more annoying to recover it whether it was that on discovering these pranks Mrs. Lopkins trembled for the future bias of the address they displayed or whether she thought that the folly of thieving without gain required speedy and permanent correction we cannot decide but the good lady became at last extremely anxious to secure for paul the blessings of a liberal education the key of knowledge the art of reading she had indeed two years prior to the present date obtained for him but this far from satisfied her conscience nay she felt that if she could not also obtain for him the discretion to use it it would have been wise even to have withheld a key which the boy seemed perversely to apply to all locks but the right one in a word she was desirous that he should receive an education far superior to those whom he saw around him and attributing like most ignorant persons to great advantages to learning she conceived that in order to live as decorously as the person of the parish it was only necessary to know as much Latin one evening in particular as the dame sat by her cheerful fire this source of anxiety was unusually active in her mind and ever and a non she directed unquiet and restless glances towards paul who sat on a form at the opposite corner of the heart diligently employed in reading the life and adventures of the celebrated Richard Turpin the form on which the boy sat was worn to a glassy smoothness save only in certain places where some ingenious idler or another had amused himself by carving sundry names epithets and epigrammatic niceties of language it is said that the organ of carving upon wood is prominently developed on all English skulls and the sagacious Mr. Combe has placed this organ at the back of the head in juxtaposition to that of destructiveness which is equally large among our countrymen as is notably evinced upon all railings seats temples and other things belonging to other people opposite to the fireplace was a large deal table at which dummy sir named dunnaker seated near the dame was quietly emanating over a glass of hollands and water farther on at another table in the corner of the room a gentleman with a red wig very rusty garments and linen which seemed as if it had been boiled in saffron smoked his pipe apart silent and apparently plunged in meditation this gentleman was no other than Mr. Peter MacGrawler the editor of a magnificent periodical entitled the Asinium which was written to prove that whatever is popular is necessarily bad a valuable and recognized truth which the Asinium had satisfactorily demonstrated by ruining three printers and demolishing a publisher we need not add that Mr. MacGrawler was scotch by birth since we believe it is pretty well known that all periodicals of this country have from time immemorial been monopolized by the gentlemen of the land of cakes we know not how it may be the fashion to eat the said cakes in Scotland but here the good emigrators seemed to like them carefully buttered on both sides by the side of the editor stood a large pewter tankard above him hung an engraving of the wonderfully fat bore formally in the possession of Mr. Fatem Grazier to his left rose the dingy form of a thin upright clock in an oaken case beyond the clock a spit and a musket were fastened in parallels to the wall below those twin emblems of war and cookery were four shelves containing plates of pewter and delt and terminating centaur like in a sort of dresser at the other side of these domestic conveniences was a picture of Mrs. Lobkins in a scarlet body and a hat and plume at the back of the fair hostess stretch the blanket we have before mentioned as a relief to the mountainous surface of this simple screen various ballads and learned legends were pinned to the blanket there might you read inverses pathetic and unadorned how Sally loved a sailor lad as fought with famous shovel there might you learn if of two facts so instructive you were before unconscious that Ben the topper loved his bottle Charlie only loved the lasses when of these and various other poetical effusions you were somewhat weary the literary fragments in Bumbler prose afforded you equal edification and delight there might you fully enlighten yourself as to the strange and wonderful news from Kensington being a most full and true relation how made there is supposed to have been carried away by an evil spirit on Wednesday 15th of April last about midnight there to no less interesting and no less voracious was that uncommon anecdote touching the chief of many throne powers entitled the devil of mask on or the true relation of the chief things which an unclean spirit did and said it mask on in burgundy in the house of one Mr. Francis perio now made English by one that hath a particular knowledge of the truth of the story nor were these materials for satanic history the only prosaic and faithful chronicles which the bibli optical blanket afforded equally wonderful and equally indisputable was the account of a young lady the daughter of a Duke with three legs in the face of a porcupine nor less so the awful judgment of God upon swear words as exemplified in the case of John Stiles who dropped down dead after swearing a great oath and on stripping the unhappy man they found swear not at all written on the tail of his shirt twice had Mrs. Lopkins heaved alongside as her eyes turned from Paul to the tranquil countenance of dummy done occur and now resettling herself in her chair as a motherly anxiety gathered over her visage Paul my Ben call said she what you've reached has got there Turpin the great highway man answered the young student without lifting his eyes from the page through which he was spelling his instructive way oh he bees a chip of the right block dame said Mr. Deniker as he applied his pipe to an illumined piece of paper he'll write a aweful by a hate corn yet I varns to this prophecy the dame replied only with a look of indignation and rocking herself to and fro in her huge chair she remained for some moments in silent thought at last you again with fully eyed the hopeful boy and calling him to her side communicated some order in a dejected whisper Paul on receiving it disappeared behind the blanket and presently returned with a bottle and a wine glass with an abstracted gesture and an air that be token to continued meditation the good dame took the inspiring cordial from the hand of her youthful cup bearer and air man had power to say behold the jaws of Lopkins had devoured it up so quick bright things come to confusion the nectarine beverage seemed to operate cheerly on the matron system and placing her hand on the boys curly head she said like andromache dot crew on the lasa sa or as Scott hathen with a smile on her cheek but a tear in her eye Paul thy heart be good thy heart be good thou didst not spill a drop of the tape tell me my honey why did stop lick Tom Toby son because answered Paul he said it's how you ought to have been hanged long ago Tom Toby son is a good for not return the dame and deserve to shove the tumbler be whipped at the cart's tail I but oh my child be not to venture some in taking up the sticks for blowing it has been the ruin of many a man of for you and when two men goes to quarrel for a woman they doesn't know that nature of the thing they quarrels about mind thy letter and Paul and reverence the old without axing what they has been before they passed into the whale of years thou may as to get me my pipe Paul it is upstairs under the pillow while Paul was accomplishing this Aaron the lady of the mug fixing her eyes upon Mr. Dunnaker said dummy dummy if little Paul should come to be scraped wish mother dummy glancing over his shoulder at Mac Grawler may have that German here his voice became scarcely audible even to Mrs. Lopkins but his whisper seemed to imply an insinuation that the illustrious editor of the asinium might be either an informer or one of those heroes on whom and informer subsists Mrs. Lopkins's answer couched in the same key appeared to satisfy Dunnaker for with a look of great contempt he chucked up his head and said oh ho that be all be it Paul here reappeared with the pipe and the dame having filled the tube leaned forward and lighted the Virginian weed from the blower of Mr. Dunnaker as in this interesting occupation the heads of the hostess and the guest approached each other the glowing light playing cheerily on the countenance of each there was an honest simplicity in the picture that would have merited the racian vigorous genius of a quick shank as soon as the Promethean spark had been fully communicated to the ladies to Mrs. Lopkins still possessed by the gloomy idea she had conjured up repeated hot dummy if little Paul should be scragged dummy withdrawing the pipe from his mouth he'd sympathizing puff but remained silent and Mrs. Lopkins turning to Paul who stood with mouth open and ears erect at this boating ejaculation said does think Paul bid have the heart to hang thee I think they'd have the rope dame return the youth but you need not go for to run your neck into the news said the matron and then inspired by the spirit of moralizing she turned round to the youth and gazing upon his attentive countenance accosted him with the following admonitions mind thy kitty kism child and reverence old age never steal especially when anyone be in the way never go snacks with them as be older than you because why the older a cove be the more he cares for his self and the less for his partner at 20 we diddles the public at 40 we diddles our cronies be modest Paul and stick to your activation in life you're not with fine to be men who burn out like a candle what has a thief in it all flair and gone in a wiffy leave liquor to the aged who can't do without it tape often proves a halter and there be no ruin like blue ruin read your Bible and talk like a pious son people goes more about your words than your actions if you want sport is not your own try and do without it and if you cannot do without it take it away by in innovation not bluster they swindles does more and risks less than they as robbs and if you cheats topingly you may laugh at the topping cheat gallows and now go play Paul seized his hat but lingered and the dame guessing at the signification of the pause drew forth and placed in the boys hand the sum of five happens and one farthing their boy quotes she and she stroked his head fondly when she spoke you does right not to play for nothing it's loss of time but play with those as be less than yourself and then you can go for it to beat them if they says you go for it to cheat Paul vanished and the dame laying her hand on dummy shoulders said there be nothing like a friend in need dummy and somehow or other I think says how you knows more of the origin of that air lad than any of us me dame exclaimed dummy with a broad gaze of astonishment are you you knows is how the mother saw more of you just before she died then she didn't air one of us no or now no or now tell us all about it did she steal and think you lock mother Marjorie does think I know that put such a crotchet in your head well said the dame with a disappointed sigh I always thought as how you were more knowing about it than you owns dear dear I shall never forget the night when Judith brought the poor creature here you know she had been some months in my house of four ever I see the urgent and when she brought it she looked so pale and ghostly that I had not the heart to say a word so I stared at the brat and it stretched out its wee little hands to me and the mother frowned at it and throwed it into my lap she was a awful woman that air said dummy shaking his head but how some ever the her chin fell into good ands for I be sure you as been a better mother to and then the rail on I was always a full about child rejoin Mrs. Lobkins and I think as how little Paul was sent to be a comfort to my letter and fill the glass dummy I as heard as our Judith was once blown to a great Lord said dummy like enough return Mrs. Lobkins like enough she was always a favorite of mine for she had a spirit spirit as big as my own and she paid her rent like a decent body for all she was out of her senses or nation like it I knows is how you like to cause by it is not your way to let a room to a woman you says is how it is not respectable and you only likes men to visit the mug and I doesn't like all of them as comes here answer the dame especially for Paul's sake but what cannot alone woman do many the gentlemen high women what comes here whose money is as good as the clerks of the parish and when a Bob Schilling is in my hand what does it sinify whose hand it was in a for that's what I call being sensible and practical said dummy approvingly and after all though you as a mixture like I does not know a hail house where a cove is better entertained nor meets of a Sunday more elegant company than the mug here's the conversation which the reader must know had been sustained in a key inaudible to a third person received a check from Mr. Peter McGrawler who having finished his reverie and his tanker now rose to depart first however approaching Mrs. Lopkins he observed that he had gone on credit for some days and demanded the amount of his bill glancing towards certain chalk hieroglyphics inscribed on the wall at the other side of the fireplace the dame answered that Mr. McGrawler was indebted to her for the sum of one Schilling and nine pens three farthings after a short preparatory search in his waist coat pockets the critic hunted into one corner a solitary half-crowned and having caught it between his finger and thumb he gave it to Mrs. Lopkins and requested change as soon as the matron felt her hand anointed with what has been called by some ingenious Johnson of St. Giles's the oil of palms and her countenance softened into a complacent smile and when she gave the required change to Mr. McGrawler she graciously hoped as how he would recommend the mug to the public that you may be sure said the editor of the asinium there is not a place where I am so much at home with that the learned Scotsman buttoned his coat and went his way how spiteful the world be said Mrs. Lopkins after a pause especially if a woman keeps a fashionable sort of a public when Judith died Joe the dogs meet man said I war all the better for it and that she left a treasure to bring up the urchin one would think a thumper makes a man richer because why every man thumbs I got nothing more than a watch and ten guineas when Judy died and sure that scares paid for the barrel burial you forgets the two quids guineas I give you for the whole box of rags much of a treasure I found there said dummy with sycophantic archedness I cried the dame laughing I fancies you are not pleased with the bargain I thought you are too old a rag merchant to be so free with the blunt how some ever I suppose is it war the tensile petticoat as took you in as it has money a visor man then the like of I rejoined dummy who to his various secret professions added the ostensible one of a rag merchant and dealer in broken glass the recollection of her good bargain in the box of rags opened our landlady's heart drink dummy said she could humbly drink ice corns to score lush to a friend dummy expressed his gratitude refilled his glass and the hospitable matron knocking out from her pipe the dying ashes thus proceeded you sees dummy though I often beats the boy I loves him as much as if I wore his royal mother I want to make him an honor to his country and an exception to my family who all flash their ivory's at surgeons hall added the metaphorical dummy true said the lady they died game and I being ashamed of them but I owes a duty to Paul's mother and I once called to have a long life I would send him to school but you knows as how the boys only corrupt one another and so I should like to meet with some decent man as a tutor to teach the boy I love Latin and Bart you my eyes cry dummy aghast at the grandeur of this desire the boy is cute enough and he loves reading continued the dame but I does not think the books he gets hold of will teach him the way to grow old and out came he to read any house ranting Rob the strolling player taught him his letters and said he'd a deal of money and why should not ranting Rob teach the boy Latin and Bart you cause ranting Rob poor fellow was lagged transported for burglary for doing a panning answered the dame despondently there was a long silence it was broken by mr. dummy slapping his thigh with the gesticulatory vehemence of an Ugo Foscolo that gentlemen exclaimed I as it I as thought of a tutor for leader Paul who's that you quite frightens me you as no Marcy on my NAR said the dame fretfully but it be the German bot writes said dummy putting his finger to his nose the German bot paid you so flashly what the scotch German the wary same returned dummy the dame turned in her chair and refilled her pipe it was evident from her manner that mr. dunnaker suggestion had made an impression on her but she recognized two doubts as to its feasibility one whether the gentleman proposed would be adequate to the task the other whether he would be willing to undertake it in the midst of her meditations on this matter the dame was interrupted by the entrance of certain claimants on her hospitality and dummy soon after taking his leave the suspense of mrs. Lopkins his mind touching the education of little Paul remained the whole of that day and night utterly unrelieved end of chapter two chapter three of Paul Clifford by Edward Boer Lytton this liverbox recording is in the public domain chapter three I own that I am envious of the pleasure you will have in finding yourself more learned than other boys even those who are older than yourself what honor this will do you what distinctions what applause will follow wherever you go lord Chesterfield letters to his son example my boy example is worth a thousand precepts max million solemn tarpia was crushed beneath the weight of ornaments the language of the vulgar is a sort of tarpia we have therefore relieved it of as many gems as we were able and in the foregoing scene presented it to the gaze of our readers simplex man did tears nevertheless we could timidly imagine some gentler beings of the softer sex rather displeased with the tone of the dialogue we have given did we not recollect how delighted they are with the provincial barbarities of the sister kingdom whenever they meet them poured over the pages of some Scottish storyteller as unhappily for mankind broad Scotch is not yet the universal language of Europe we suppose our country women will not be much more unacquainted with the dialect of their own lower orders than with that which breathes nasal melodies over the paradise of the north it was the next day at the hour of twilight when Mrs. Marjorie Lopkins after a satisfactory tata tet with Mr. Mac Grawler had the happiness of thinking that she had provided a tutor for little Paul the critic having resided to her a considerable portion of pro priya quam marbus the good lady had no longer a doubt of his capacities for teaching and on the other hand when Mrs. Lopkins entered on the subject of remuneration the scotsman professed himself perfectly willing to teach any and everything that the most exacting guardian could require it was finally settled that Paul should attend Mr. McGraw two hours a day and Mr. McGraw should be entitled to such animal comforts of meat and drink as the mug afforded and served to the weekly stipend of two shillings and sixpence the shillings for instruction in classics and the sixpence for all other humanities whereas Mrs. Lopkins expressed it to Bob's for the Latin and a site for the varchu let not by mind gentle reader sent to us for a deviation from probability in making so excellent and learned a gentleman as Mr. Peter McGrawler the familiar guest of the lady of the mug first they must know that our story is cast in a period antecedent to the present and one in which the old jokes against the circumstances of author and of critic had their foundation intrude secondly they must know that by some curious concatenation of circumstances neither bailiff nor bailiff's man was ever seen within the four walls continent of Mrs. Marjorie Lopkins thirdly the mug was nearer than any other house of public resort to the abode of the critic fourthly it afforded excellent porter and fifthly a reader thou dost Mrs. Marjorie Lopkins agree this wrong if thou supposest that her door was only open to those mercurial gentry who are afflicted with the morbid curiosity to pry into the mysteries of their neighbors the fair repute were not unoften partakers of the good matron's hospitality although it must be owned that they generally occupied the private room in preference to the public one and sixthly sweet reader we grieve to be so prolix we would just hint to thee that Mr. McGrawler was one of those vast minded sages who occupied in contemplating morals in the great scale they were down their intellects by a base attention to minute details so that if a descendant of Langfanger did sometimes cross the venerable Scott in his visit to the mug the apparition did not revoke that benevolent moorless so much as were it not for the above hint thy ignorance might lead thee to imagine it is said that Athenodorus the story contributed greatly by his conversation to amend the faults of Augustus and to affect the change visible in that fortunate man after his accession to the Roman Empire if this be true it may throw a new light on the character of Augustus and instead of being the hypocrite he was possibly the convert certain it is that there are few vices which cannot be conquered by wisdom and yet melancholy to relate the instructions of Peter McGrawler used but slunder amelioration in the habits of the youthful Paul that ingenious stripling had we have already seen under the tuition of ranting Bob master the art of reading nay he could even construct and link together certain curious pot hooks which himself and Mrs. Lopkins were want graciously to term writing so far then the way of McGrawler was smoothed and prepared but unhappily all experienced teachers allow that the main difficulty is not to learn but to unlearn and the mind of Paul was already occupied by a vast number of heterogeneous miscellaneous which stoutly resisted the ingress either of Latin or of Vartu nothing could wean him from an ominous affection for the history of Richard Turpin it was to him what it has been said the Greek authors should be commissioned a study by day and a dream by night he was docile enough during lessons and sometimes even too quick in conception for the stately march of Mr. McGrawler's intellect but it not unfrequently happened that when that gentleman attempted to rise he found himself like the lady in comas adhering to a venom seat smeared with gums of glutinous heat or his legs have been secretly put under the table and the tide was not to be broken without overthrow to the superior powers these and various other little sported machinations where with Paul was want to relieve the monotony of literature went far to discuss the learned critic with his undertaking but the tape and the treasury of Mrs. Lopkins re-smoothed as it were the irritated bristles of his mind and he continued his labors with this reflection why fret myself if a pupil turns out well it is clearly to the credit of his master if not to the disadvantage of himself of course a similar suggestion never forced itself into the mind of Dr. Keat a celebrated principal of Eaton at Eaton the very soul of the honest headmaster is consumed by his zeal for the welfare of the little gentleman that's but to Paul who was predestined to enjoy a certain quantum of knowledge circumstances happened in the commencement of the second year of his pupilage which prodigiously accelerated the progress of his scholastic career at the apartment of McGrawer Paul one morning encountered Mr. Augustus Tomlinson a young man of great promise who pursued the peaceful occupation of chronicling in a meeting newspaper horrid murders, enormous melons and remarkable circumstances this gentleman having the advantage of some year's seniority over Paul was slow in unbending his dignity but observing at last the eager and respectful attention with which the stripling listened to a most voracious detail of five men being inhumanly murdered in Canterbury Cathedral by the Reverend Zedekiah he was touched by the impression he had created and shaking Paul graciously by the hand he told him there was a deal of natural shrewdness in his countenance and that Mr. Augustus Tomlinson did not doubt but that he, Paul, might have the honor to be murdered himself one of these days you understand me continued Mr. Augustus I mean murdered in effigy, assassinated in type while you yourself unconscious of the circumstance are quietly enjoying what you imagine to be your existence we never kill common persons to say truth our chief's spite is against the church we destroy bishops by wholesale sometimes indeed we knock off our leading barrister or so and express the anguish of the junior council at a loss so destructive to their interests but that is only a stray hit and the slain barrister often lives to become attorney general renounce weak principles and prosecute the very press that destroyed him bishops are our proper food we send them to heaven on a sort of flying griffin of which the back is an apoplexy and the wings are puffs the bishop are blank whom we dispatched in this manner the other day being rather a facetious personage wrote to Roman Street with us there on observing that though heaven is a very good translation for a bishop yet that in such cases he preferred the original to the translation as we murder bishop so is there another class of persons whom we only afflict with lethiferous diseases this latter tribe consists of his majesty and his majesty's ministers whenever we cannot abuse their measures we always fall foul on their health does the king pass any popular law we immediately insinuate that his constitution is on its last legs does the minister act like a man of sense we instantly observe with great regret that his complexion is remarkably pale there is one manifest advantage in diseases people instead of absolutely destroying them the public may flatly contradict us in one case but it never can in the other it is easy to prove that a man is alive but utterly impossible to prove that he is in health what if some opposing newspaper take up the cudges in his behalf and assert that the victim of all pandora's complaints whom we send tottering to the grave passes one half the day and knocking up a distinguished company at a shooting party and the other half in out doing the same distinguished company after dinner what if the afflicted individual himself write us word that he never was better in his life we have only mysteriously to shake our heads and observe that to contradict is not to prove that it is little likely that our authority should have been mistaken and we are very fond of an historical comparison beg our readers to remember that when Cardinal Rochelle was dying nothing enraged him so much as hinting that he was ill in short if Horace is right we are the very princes of poets for I dare say Mr. McGrawer that you and you too my little gentlemen perfectly remember the words of the wise old Roman ill per extam funam mihi pasi viditu ere poeta meum qui pectis inanitu anjit irritat mosit falsis terib ebus implet he appears to me to be to the fullest extent a poet who eerily torments my breast irritates sooth fills it with unreal terrors having uttered this quotation with considerable self complacency and thereby entirely completed his conquest over Paul Mr. Augustus Tomlinson turning to McGrawer concluded his business with that gentleman which was about literary nature namely a joint composition against a man being under 5 and 20 and too poor to give dinners had had the impulence to write a sacred poem the critics were exceedingly bitter at this and having very little to say against the poem the court journals called the author a cox comb and the liberal ones the son of a pantaloon there was an ease a spirit alive about Mr. Augustus Tomlinson which captivated the senses of our young hero then too he was exceedingly smartly attired wore red heels and a bag had what seemed to Paul quite the air of a man of fashion and above all he spouted the Latin with a remarkable grace some days afterwards McGrawer sent our hero to Mr. Tomlinson's lodgings with his share of the joint abuse upon the poet doubly was Paul's reverence for Mr. Augustus Tomlinson increased by a sight of his abode and found him settled in a polite part of the town in a very spruced parlor the contents of which manifested the universal genius of the inhabitant it had been objected unto us by a most discerning critic that we are addicted to the drawing of universal geniuses we plead not guilty in former instances we allow the soft impeachment in the instance of Mr. Augustus Tomlinson his works were arranged boxing gloves and fencing foils on his table lay a cremona and a legiolet on one side of the wall were shelves containing the co-vent garden magazine Burns Justice Apocchia Horus a prayer book Excerpta Ecstasito a volume of plays Velocity Made Easy and a key to all knowledge setting whip and a driving whip and a pair of spurs and three guineas with a little mountain of loose silver Mr. Augustus was a tall very young man with a freckle complexion green eyes and red eyelids a smiling mouth rather under jawed a sharp nose and a prodigiously large pair of ears he was rubbed in a green damask dressing gown and he received the tender paw most graciously there was something very engaging for our hero he was not only good looking and frank in aspect but he had that appearance of briskness an intellect which belongs to an embryo rogue Mr. Augustus Tomlinson professed the greatest regard for him asked him if he could box made him put on a pair of gloves and very condescendingly knocked him down three times successively next he played him both and his grimonum some of the most modest heirs moreover he sang him a little song of his own composing he then taking up the driving whip flanked the fly from the opposite wall and throwing himself naturally fatigued with his numerous exertions on his sofa observed in a careless turn that he and his friend Lord Dunn-Shunner were universally esteemed the best whips in the metropolis I quote Mr. Augustus I'm the best on the road but my lord is a devil at turning a corner Paul who had hitherto lived to unsophisticated a life to be aware of the importance of which a lord would naturally be in the eyes of Mr. Augustus Tomlinson was not so much struck with the grandeur of the connection as the murderer of the journals had expected he merely observed by way of compliment that Mr. Augustus and his companion seem to be rolling kitties a little displeased with this metaphorical remark for it may be observed that rolling kitty is among the learned in such lore the customary expression for a smart thief the universal Augustus took that liberty to which by his age and station so much superior to those of Paul he imagined himself entitled and gently reproved our hero for his indiscriminate use of flash phrases and that of your part city for I see you are clever about your eye ought to be ashamed of using such vulgar expressions have a nobler spirit a loftier emulation Paul than that which distinguishes the little ragamuffins of the street know that in this country genius and learning carry everything before them and if you behave yourself properly you may one day or another be as high in the world as myself this speech Paul looked wistfully round the spruce parlor and thought what a fine thing it would be to be Lord of such a domain together with the appliances a flagiolet and cremona box and gloves books fly flanking flagellum three guineas with the little mountain of silver and the reputation shared only with Lord Dunshunner of being the best whip in London yes continued Tomlinson with conscious pride I owe my rise learning is better than house and land doctrine said win etc you know what old horse says why sir you would not believe it but I was the man who killed his majesty the king of sardinia in our yesterday's paper nothing is too arduous for genius fag hard my boy and you may rival for the thing though difficult may not be impossible Augustus Tomlinson at the conclusion of this harang and knock at the door being hurried Paul took his departure and met in the hall a fine-looking person dressed in the height of the fashion and wearing a pair of prodigiously large buckles in his shoes Paul looked and his heart swelled I may rival though he those were his very words I may rival for the thing though difficult is not impossible Augustus Tomlinson absorbed in meditation he went silently home the next day the memoirs of the great were committed to the flames and it was noticeable that henceforth Paul observed a choice of propriative words that he assumed more refined air of dignity and that he paid considerably more attention than heretofore to the lessons of Mr. Peter McGrawar although it must be allowed that our young heroes progress in the learned languages was not astonishing yet an early passion for reading growing stronger and stronger by application repaid him at last with a tolerable knowledge of the mother tongue we must however add that his more favorite and cherished studies were scarcely of that nature which a prudent preceptor would have greatly commended they lay chiefly among novels, plays and poetry which last he affected to that degree that he became somewhat of a poet himself nevertheless these literary avocations profitless as they seemed a certain refinement to his taste which they were not likely otherwise to have acquired at the mug and while they aroused his ambition to see something of the gay life they depicted they imparted to his temper a tone of enterprise and a thoughtless generosity which perhaps contributed greatly to counteract those evil influences towards petty vice to which the examples around him must have exposed his tender youth but alas a great disappointment to Paul's hope of assistance and companionship in his literary labors befell him Mr. Augustus Tomlinson one bright morning disappeared leaving word with his numerous friends that he was going to accept a lucrative situation in the north of England notwithstanding the shock this occasioned to the affectionate heart and aspiring temper of our friend Paul it abated not his ardor in that field of science which it seemed to distinguish absentee had so successfully cultivated by little and little he possessed himself in addition to the literary stores we have alluded to of all it was in the power of the wise and profound Peter Magralla to impart unto him and at the age of sixteen he began owe the presumption of youth to fancy himself more learned than his master End of Chapter 3 Chapter 4 of Paul Clifford by Edward Bower-Litton this LeBerva recording is in the public domain Chapter 4 he had now become a young man of extreme fashion and as much repound due in society as the utmost and most exigent coveter of London celebrity could desire he was of course a member of the clubs etc. he was in short of that off described set before whom all minor bow sink into insignificance where among whom they eventually obtain a subaltern grade by a sacrifice of a due portion of their fortune all max revisited by the soul of the great Malabranch who made a search after truth and discovered everything beautiful except that which he searched for by the soul of the great Malabranch whom Bishop Barclay found suffering under and inflammation in the lungs and very obligingly talked to death an instance of conversational powers worthy the envious emulation of all great metaphysicians and arguers by the soul of that illustrious man it is amazing to us what a number of truths there are broken up into little fragments and scattered here and there through the world what a magnificent museum a man might make of the precious minerals if he would go out with his basket under his arm and his eyes about him we ourselves picked up this very day a certain small piece of truth with which we propose to claim to the fair reader a sinister turn in the fortunes of Paul wherever says a living sage you see dignity you may be sure there is expense requisite to support it so was it with Paul a young gentleman who was heir presumptive to the mug and who enjoyed a handsome person with a cultivated mind was necessarily of a certain station of society and an object of respect in the eyes of the maneuvering mamas of the vicinity of Tim's court many were the parties of pleasure to Deppford and Greenwich which Paul found himself compelled to attend and we need not refer our readers to novels upon fashionable life to inform them that in good society the gentleman always served for the ladies nor was this all the expense to which his expectations exposed him a gentleman could scarcely attend these elegant festivities without devoting some little attention to his dress and a fashionable tailor plays the deuce with one's yearly allowance we who reside be it known to you reader in little Brittany are not very acquainted with the manners of the better classes in St. James's but there was one great vice among the fine people about Tim's court which we make no doubt does not exist anywhere else namely these fine people were always in an agony to seem finer than they were and the more errors a gentleman or a lady gave him or herself the more important they became Joe the dogs meet man had indeed got into society entirely from a knack of saying important things to everybody and the smartest exclusives of the place who seldom visited anyone where there was not a silver teapot used to think Joe had a great deal in him because he trundled his cart with his head in the air and one day gave the very beetle of the parish correct now this desire to be so exceedingly fine not only made the society about Tim's court unpleasant but expensive everyone died with his neighbor and as the spirit of rivalry is particularly strong in youthful bosoms we can scarcely wonder that it led Paul into many extravagances the evil of all circles that profess to be select by play and the reason is obvious persons who have the power to bestow on another an advantage he cubits would rather sell it than give it and Paul gradually increasing in popularity and time found himself in spite of his classical education no match for the finished or rather finishing gentleman with whom he began to associate his first admittance into the select of these men of the world was formed at the house of bachelor bill a person of great notoriety among that portion of the elite which emphatically entitles itself flash however as it is our rigid intention and this work to portray at length no episodical characters whatsoever we can afford our readers but a slight and rapid sketch of bachelor bill this personage was of Devonshire extraction his mother had kept the pleasantest public house in town and at her death bill succeeded to her property and popularity all the young ladies in the neighborhood of fiddler's row where he resided set their caps at him all the most fashionable prigs or toby men sought to get him into their set and the most crack blowing in London would have given her ears at any time a loving word from bachelor bill but bill was a long-headed prudent fellow and of a remarkably cautious temperament he avoided marriage and friendship namely he was neither plundered nor cornuted he was a tall aristocratic cove of a devilish neat address and very gallant in an honest way to the blow ins like most single men being very much the gentleman so far as money was concerned he gave them plenty of feeds and from time to time a very agreeable hop his bingo brandy was unexceptionable and as for his stark naked gin it was voted the most brilliant thing in nature in a very short time by his blows out and his bachelor ship for single men always arrived at the apex of hote ton more easily than married he became the very glass of fashion and many were the tight apprentices even at the rest end of the town who used to turn back in admiration of bachelor bill when about Sunday afternoon he drove down his varmint gig to his snug little box on the borders of Tarnham Green bill's happiness was not however holy without alloy the ladies of pleasure are always so excessively angry when a man does not make love to them that there is nothing they will not say against him and the fair matrons in the vicinity of Fiddler's row spread all manner of unfounded reports against poor bachelor bill by degrees however for as tacitist as said doubtless with a prophetic eye to bachelor bill the truth gains by delay these reports began to die insensibly away and bill now waxing near to the confines of middle age his friends comfortably settle for him that he would be bachelor bill all his life for the rest he was an excellent fellow gave his broken vitals to the poor professed a liberal turn of thinking and in all the quarrels among the blow ins your crack blow ins are our quarrels some set always took part with the weakest although bill affected to be very select in his company he was never forgetful of his old friends and Mrs. Marjorie Lopkins having been very good to him when he was a little boy in a skeleton jacket he invariably sent her a card to his soirees the good lady however had not of late years deserted her chimney corner indeed the racket of fashionable life was too much for her nerves and the invitation had become a customary form not expected to be acted upon but not a wit the less regularly used for that reason as paul had now attained his 16th year and was a fine handsome lad the dame thought he would make an excellent representative of the mugs mistress and that for her protege a ball at bill's house would be no bad commencement of life in london accordingly she intimated the bachelor a wish to that effect and paul received the following invitation from bill Mr. William Duke gives a hop and feed in a quiet way on monday next and hops Mr. Paul Lopkins will be of the party in be gentlemen is expected to come in pumps when paul entered ethon bachelor bill leading off the ball to the tune of drops of brandy with a young lady whom because she had been a strolling player the ladies patronesses of billers row have thought proper to behave with a very cavalier civility the good bachelor had no notion as he expressed such tantrums and he caused it to be circulated among the finest of the low ones that he expected all who kicked their heels at his house would behave decent and polite to young mrs. Dot this intimation conveyed to the ladies with all that insinuating polish for which bachelor bill was so remarkable produced a notable effect and mrs. Dot being now led off by the flash bachelor was overpowered with civilities the rest of the evening when the dance was ended bill very politely shook hands with paul and took an early opportunity of introducing him to some of the most noted characters of the town who were the smart mr. all fair the insinuating Henry finish the merry jack hooky the knowing Charles try with and various others equally noted for their skill in living handsomely upon their own brains and the personals of other people to say truth paul who at that time was an honest was less charm than he had anticipated by the conversation of these of industry he was more pleased with the clever those self sufficient remarks of a gentleman with a remarkably fine head of hair and term we would more impressively than the rest introduced to our reader under the appellation of mr. Edward pepper generally termed long Ned as this worthy was destined afterwards to be an intimate associate of paul our main reason for attending the hop at bachelor bills is to note as the importance of the event deserves the epic of the commencement of their acquaintance long Ned and paul happen to sit next to each other at supper and they converse together so amicably that paul in the hospitality of his heart expressed a hope that he should see mr. pepper at the mug mug mug repeated pepper half shutting his eyes with the air of a dandy about to be important ah the name of a chapel is not there's a set called muggletonians I think as to that said paul coloring at this insinuation against the mug mrs. Lopkins has no more religion than her betters but the mug is a very excellent house and frequented by the best possible company don't doubt it said Ned remember now that I was once there and saw one dummy dunnaker is not that the name I recollect some years ago when I first came out that dummy and I had an adventure together to tell you the truth it was not the sort of thing I would do now but would you believe it mr. paul this pitiful fellow was quite rude to me the only time I ever met him since that is to say the only time I ever entered the mug I have no notion of such heirs in a merchant a merchant rags those commercial fellows are getting quite insufferable you surprise me said paul poor dummy is the last man to be rude he is as civil a creature as ever lived or sold a rags said nod said Ned possibly don't doubt his amiable qualities in the least past the bingo my good fellow stupid stuff this dancing devilish stupid I could harry finish across the table suppose we adjourned to fish lane and rattled the ivories what say you mr. Lopkins afraid of the tons stern laugh which scares the proud philosopher can scorn and not being very partial to dancing paul assented to the proposition and a little party consisting of harry finish all fair long net and mr. hooky adjourned to fish lane where there was a club celebrated among men who lived by their wits at which lush and basi were gratuitously sported in the most magnificent manner here the evening passed away very delightfully and paul went home without a brat in his pocket from that time paul's visits to fish lane became unfortunately regular and in a very short period we grieved to say paul became that distinguished character of gentlemen of three outs out of pocket out of elbows and out of credit the only two persons whom he found willing to accommodate him with a slight loan as the advertisement signed x y have it were mr. dummy denaker and mr. pepper sir named the long the latter however while he obliged the air to the mug never condescended to enter that noted place of resort and the former whenever he good naturedly opened his purse strings did it with a hearty caution to shun the acquaintance of long net a parson said dummy of wary dangerous morals and not by no manner of means of fit associate for a young gem in of character like little paul so earnest was this caution and so especially pointed at long net although the company of mr. all fair or mr. finish might be said to be no less prejudicial that it is probable that stately fastidiousness of manner which lord norman be rightly serves in one of his excellent novels make so many enemies in the world in which sometimes characterize the behavior of long net especially towards the men of commerce was a main reason why dummy was so acutely and peculiarly alive to the immoralities of that lengthy gentleman at the same time we must observe that when paul remembering what pepper had said respecting his early adventure with mr. repeated it to the merchant dummy could not conceal a certain confusion though he merely remarked with a sort of laugh that it was not worth speaking about and it appeared evident to paul that something unpleasant to the man of rags which was not shared by the unconscious pepper lurked in the reminiscence of their past acquaintance how be it the circumstance glided from paul's attention the moment afterwards and he paid we are concerned to say equally little heed to the cautions against ned with which dummy regaled him perhaps for we must now direct a glance towards his domestic concerns one great cause which drove paul to fish lane was the uncomfortable life he led at home for the mrs. lopkins was extremely fond of her protege yet she was possessed as her customers emphatically remarked of the devil's own temper and her native coarseness never having been disoffened by those pictures of gay society which had in many a novel and comic forest refined the temperament of the romantic paul her manner of venting her maternal reproaches was certainly not a little revolting to a lad of some delicacy of feeling indeed it often occurred to him to leave her house altogether and seek his fortunes alone after the manner of the ingenious geobla or the enterprising rodrick random the idea though conquered and reconquered gradually swelled and increased at his heart even as swell of that harry ball found in the stomach of some suffering heifer after its decease among these projects of enterprise the reader will hear after notice that an early vision of the green forest cave in which turpent was accustomed with a friend a ham and a wife to conceal himself flitted across his mind at this time he did not perhaps practice by the hero of the roads but he certainly clung not the less fondly to the notion of the cave the melancholy flow of our hero's life was now however about to be diverted by an unexpected turn and the crude thoughts of boyhood to burst like gillens giant palm into the fruit of a manly resolution among the prominent features of mrs. Lopkin's mind was a sovereign content for the unsuccessful the imprudence and ill luck of paul occasioned her as much scorn as compassion and went for the third time within a week he stood with a rueful visage and with vacant pockets by the dames great chair requesting an additional supply the tides of her wrath swelled into overflow look you my kinship cove said she and in order to give peculiar dignity to her aspect she put on while she spoke a huge pair of 10 spectacles if so be as how you goes forward to think as how I shall go forward to supply your wishes necessities you will find yourself planted in queer street blow me tight if I gives you another mag but I owe long net again he said paul and dummy dunnaker let me three crowns it it will becomes your heir apparent my dear dame to fight shot of his debts of honor Tara did diddle don't think for to weedle me with your debts and your honors said the dame in a passion long net is as long in the forks fingers as he is in the back may oh harry fly off with him and as for a durn me dunnaker I wonders how you brought up such a swell and blessed with the wary best of had occasions can think of putting up with such wall girl associates I tell you what paul you'll please to break with them smack him at once or devil of brad you'll ever get from big Lopkins so saying the old lady turned round in her chair and helped herself to a pipe of tobacco paul walked twice up and down the apartment and at last stopped opposite the dame's chair he was a youth of high spirit and though he was warm hearted and had a love for mrs. Lopkins which was care and affection for well deserved yet he was rough and temper and not constantly smooth and speech it is true that his heart smote him afterwards whenever he had said anything to annoy mrs. Lopkins and he was always the first to seek a reconciliation but warm words produce cold respect and sorrow for the past is not always efficacious in amending the future paul then puffed up with the vanity of his gentile reconciliation and the friendship of long net who went to run a law and wore silver clock stockings stopped opposite to mrs. Lopkins his chair and said with great solemnity mr. Pepper madam says very properly that I must have money to support myself like a gentleman and as you won't give it me I'm determined with many thanks for your past favors to throw myself on the world and seek my fortune if paul was of no oily and bland temper dame margaret Lopkins it has been seen had no advantage on that score we dare say the reader has observed that nothing so enrages persons on whom one depends as any express determination of seeking independence gazing therefore for one moment at the open but resolute countenance of paul while all the blood of her veins seemed gathering in fire and scarlet to her enlarging cheeks dame Lopkins said ifeaks master pride and does seek your fortune yourself will you this comes of my bringing you up and letting you eat the bread of idleness and charity you toad of a thousand take that and be damned to you and suiting the action to the word the tube which she had withdrawn from her mouth in order to utter her gentle rebuke whiz through the air grazed paul's cheek and finished his earthly career by coming in violent contact with the right eye of dummy dunnaker who at that exact moment entered the room paul had went for a moment to avoid the missive and the next he stood perfectly upright his cheeks glowed and just swelled on the entrance of dummy dunnaker who was thus made the spectator of the affront he had received stirred his blood into a deeper anger and a more bitter self-humiliation all his former resolutions of departure all the hard words, the core solutions he had at any time received rushed upon him at once he merely cast one look at the old woman whose rage was now half subsided and turned slowly and in silence to the door there's often something alarming in an occurrence merely because it is that which we least expect the astute mrs. lopkins remembering the hearty temper and fiery passions of paul had expected some burst of rage some vehement reply in which he caught with one his parting look and saw him turn so passively and mutely to the door her heart misgave her she raised herself from her chair and made towards him unhappily for her chance of reconciliation she had that day quaff more copiously of the bold than usual and the signs of intoxication visible in her uncertain gait her meaningless eye, her vacancy her ruby cheek all inspired paul with feelings which at the moment converted resentment into something very much like aversion he sprang from her grasp to the threshold where be you going you imp of the world cried the dame get in with you and say no more on the matter be a bob call drop the bullies and you shall have the blunt for paul he did not this invitation I will eat the bread of idleness and charity no longer said he sullenly goodbye and if ever I can pay you what I have cost you I will he turned away as he spoke in the dame kindling with resentment at his unseemly return to her proper kindness hallowed after him and bad that dark colored gentleman who keeps the fire office below go along with him swelling with anger pride shame and a half joy his feeling of emancipated independence paul walked on he knew not with it with his head in the air and his legs marshaling themselves into a military gait of defiance he had not proceeded far before he heard his name uttered behind him he turned and saw the truthful face of dummy demiker very inoffensively had that respectable person been employed during the last part of the scene we have described in caressing his afflicted eye and muttering philosophical observations on the danger incurred by all those who are acquainted with ladies of a collarate temperament the mrs. lobkins turning round after paul's departure and seeing the pitiful person of that dummy demiker whose name she remembered paul had mentioned in his opening speech in whom paul was in the middle of the war with an illogical confusion of ideas she considered a party in the late dispute exhausted upon him all that rage which it was necessary for her comfort that she should unburn somewhere she sees the little man by the collar the tenderness of all places and gentlemen similarly circumstance with regard to the ways of life and giving him a blow which took effect on his other and hitherto undamaged eye cried out I'll teach you you bloodsucker that is parasite those as has expectations I'll teach you to cousin the air of the mug you sniveling way-faced ghost of a farthing rush like what you'll lend my paul three crowns when you know says how you told me you could not pay me a pitiful tizzy oh you're a queer when I once but you won't queer marjorie lobkins out of my can you cur of the mange out of my can and if ever I collapse my seas on you again or if ever I know as how you make the flat of my paul me type but I'll weave you a hemp and collar I'll hang you you dog I will what you will answer me we owe you viper budge and be gone it was in vain that dummy protested his innocence a violent coup de paix broke off all further parlance he made a clear house of the mug and the landlady thereof tottering back to her elbow chair sought out another pipe and like all imaginative persons when the world goes wrong with them we're left with the absence of realities by the creations of smoke meanwhile dummy dunnaker muttering and murmuring bitter fancies overtook paul and accused that youth of having been the occasion of the injuries he had just undergone paul was not at that moment in the humor best adapted for the patient bearing of accusations he answered mr. dunnaker very shortly and that respectable individual still smarting under his bruises replied with equal tartness words grew high and it linked paul desires of concluding the conference clenched his fist and told the redoubted dummy that he would knock him down there's something peculiarly harsh and stunning in those three hard, wiry, sturdy stubborn monosyllables their very sound makes you double your fist if you are a hero or your pace if you are a peaceable man they produced an instant effect upon dummy dunnaker aided as they were by the effect of an athletic and youthful figure already fast approaching to the height of six feet a flush cheek and an eye that bespoke both passion and resolution the rag merchants voice sank at once and with the countenance of a wronged cast he whimpered forth knock me down oh little paul but wicked vids are those but dummy dunnaker has had danded you on his knee monies at time and off by the cove's art is as art as junk and as proud as a gardener's dog will vet a nose gay tide to his tail this pathetic remonstrant softened paul's anger well dummy said you laughing I did not mean to hurt you and there's an end of it and I am very sorry for the dames ill conduct and so I wish you a good morning by there be you trotting to little paul said dummy grasping him by the tail of the coat the deuce the bit I know he answered our hero but I think I shall drop a call on long knit I've asked there said dummy speaking under his breath if so be as you won't blab I'll tell you a bit of a secret I hear it as our long neds started for Hampshire this wary morning on a toby highway expedition comes on ha said paul then hang me if I know what to do as he uttered these words a more thorough sense of his destitution if he persevered in leaving the mug then he had hitherto felt rushed upon him for paul had designed for a while to throw himself on the hospitality of his patagonian friend and now that he found that friend and from London and also dangerous an expedition he was a little puzzled what to do with that treasure of intellect and wisdom which he carried about upon his legs already he had acquired sufficient penetration for Charles Drywood and Harry finish were excellent masters for initiating a man into the knowledge of the world to perceive that a person however admirable may be his qualities does not readily find a welcome without a penny in his pocket in the neighborhood of Tim's court indeed many acquaintances but the finest of his language acquired from his education and the elegance of his air in which he attempted to blend in happy association the gallant the frontry of Mr. Long Ned with a graceful negligence of Mr. Augustus Tomlinson had made many enemies among those acquaintances and he was not willing so great was our heroes pride to throw himself on the chance of their welcome or to publish as it were his exiled and crestfallen state as for those boon companions who had assisted him in making a wilderness of his pockets he had already found that that was the only species of assistance which they were willing to render him in a word he could not for the life of him conjecture in what quarter he should find the benefits of bed and board while he stood with his finger to his lip undecided amusing but fully resolved at least on one thing not to return to the mug little dummy who was a good nature fellow at the bottom peered up in his head by Paul my kid you looks down in the chops you're up care killed a cat observing that this appropriate encouraging fact of natural history did not lessen the cloud upon Paul's brow the acute dummy dunnaker proceeded at once to the grand panacea for all evils in his own profound estimation Paul my Ben call said he without knowing week and nudging the young gentleman in the left side what do you say to a drop of blue ruin or as you likes to be tarnished gentile I doesn't care if I sport your glass of port while dunnaker was uttering this invitation a sudden reminiscence flashed across Paul he but thought him at once of McGrawler and he resolved forthwith to repair to the abode of that illustrious sage and petition at least for accommodation for the approaching night so soon as he had come to this determination he shook off the grasp of the amiable dummy and refusing with many thanks his hospitable invitation requested him to abstract from the dame's house and lodge within his own until call for such articles of linen and clothing as belonged to Paul and could easily be laid hold of during one of the matrons evening siestas by the shrew dunnaker the merchant promised that the commission should be speedily executed and Paul shaking hands with him proceeded to the mansion of McGrawler we must now go back in the natural course of our narrative and observe that among the minor causes which had conspired with the great one of gambling to bring our excellent Paul to his present situation was his intimacy with McGrawler for when Paul's increasing years and roving habits had put an end to the sage's instructions there was thereby lopped off from the preceptor's finances the weekly sum of two shillings and six months as well as the freedom of the dame's cellar and larder as in the reaction of feeling and the perverse course of human affairs people generally repent the most of those actions once the most ardently incurred so for Mrs. Lopkins imagining that Paul's irregularities were entirely owing to the knowledge he had acquired from McGrawler's instructions grievously abraded herself for her former folly in seeking for a superior education for her protégé nay she even vented upon the sacred head of McGrawler himself for dissatisfaction at the result of his instructions in like manner when a man who can spell comes to be hanged the anti-educationists accuse the spelling book of his murder high words between the admirer of ignorant innocence and the propagator of intellectual science ensued which ended in McGrawler's final expulsion from the mug there are some young gentlemen of the present day addicted to the adoption of Lord Byron's poetry with the alteration of new rhymes who are pleased graciously to inform us that they are born to be the ruin of all those who love them an interesting fact doubtless but which they might as well keep to themselves it would seem by the contents of this chapter as if the same misfortune were destined to Paul the exile of McGrawler the insults offered to Dummy Dunnaker a like occasion by him appeared to sanction that opinion unfortunately though Paul was a poet he was not much of a sentimentalist and he has never given us the edifying ravings of his remorse on those subjects but McGrawler like Dunnaker was resolved that our hero should perceive the curse of his fatality and as he still retained some influence over the mind of his quantum people his accusations against Paul as the origin of his banishment were attended with a greater success than were the complaints of Dummy Dunnaker on a similar calamity who like most people who are good for nothing had an excellent heart was exceedingly grieved at McGrawler's banishment on his account and he endeavored to attend for it by such pecuniary consolations as he was unable to offer these McGrawler purely we may suppose from up benevolent desire to lessen the boys' remorse scruples not to accept and thus so similar often are the effects of virtue and advice the exemplary McGrawler conspired with the head in the heartless Henry finished in producing the unenviable state of acuity which now saddened over the pockets of Paul as our hero was slowly walking towards the sages abode depending on his gratitude and friendship for a temporary shelter one of those lightning flashes of thought which often illumined the profoundest abyss of affliction dotted across his mind recalling the image of the critic he remembered that he had seen that ornament of the sonnium received sundry sums for his critical lucubrations why said Paul seizing on that fact and stopping short of the streak why should I not turn critic myself the only person to whom one ever puts a question with a tolerable certainty of receiving a satisfactory answer is one self the moment Paul started this luminous suggestion it appeared to him that he had discovered the minds of Potosi burning with impatience to discuss with the great McGrawler the feasibility of his project he quickened his pace almost into a run and in a very few minutes having only over thrown one chimney sweeper and two apple women by the way he arrived at the sages door end of chapter 4