 All of us were aware of like the journey of Siddhartha to Buddha and Jesus, you know, it was kind of an empty the mind, even whether you do Zen, T.M. meditation, it's empty, empty, empty. And for me, it was empty, empty, empty, empty. And then it seems to come down to that point, like when Nikita was talking about the rug getting pulled out, it seems to come down to some kind of a deep kind of disillusionment, like Saint John of the Cross, one of the mystics wrote about, he coined the phrase, dark night of the soul. Most everybody has heard of that phrase, dark night of the soul. And most everybody has felt some touch of it, just desperation, deep sense of loss, meaningless fear. It's not something that you tend to want to dwell in, you know, most people will get the television right back on or go get a drink or do something to distract away from the dark night of the soul. You know, it's a core thing. And in A Course in Miracles, there's a section pretty late in the text where Jesus talks about the real alternative. And in that section he says, all of the roadways of the world lead to death. I mean, I kind of like it when the Master starts giving me kind of really direct teachings. Like, he says at one point, you will believe this Course entirely or not at all. So this isn't like charts or horseshoes or something. Plink, okay, look at that sling in there, you know, at least you get some points. Or if you're doing target practice, and maybe you don't hit a bullseye, but you at least get some points if you're in the close rings. And then Jesus comes in and says, no, you'll believe this Course entirely or not at all. You're either going to get to the point where you transcend this Course, forget this world, forget this Course, and come with open arms unto your God in an experience or not. And for me, not is not an option. I think, well, why would we go on a spiritual journey to miss the mark? Why would we go on a spiritual journey to not know God? We're in it to know the Creator, know the Source. You know, that's why we do everything. That's why we even practice. Why do we come to meetings? Why do we keep coming, coming, coming? So there's that point of rug getting pulled out. There's a point of devastation, and in that part of the real alternative, he says, men have died upon seeing this. So now he not only tells us that all the roadways in the world lead to death, which is huge. What do you mean, all? You're talking 99% here or 99.9% you use that word, all? All means all. Well, that can sound kind of bleak. All of the world's roadways lead to death. Men have died upon seeing this. Yeah, sounds like suicide. There's a lot of people who get to that point where they go, this is just so dark that even death seems like a better option than to go on living a hell. So they choose that. But he says, but if they'd just taken one more step to the real alternative, it would have led to heights of happiness. How does that contrast? Roadways of the world lead to death, heights of happiness. And it's telling me that behind all these little superficial decisions that we make in daily life of being human, underneath it there is a decision that's available to us to make. Call it atonement, call it salvation, call it enlightenment, call it self-realization, call it healing, whatever you want to call it. There is a real decision, but it has to be unequivocal. It can't be one of these half-hearted, eh, I'll try this one. It has to be really seeing it. And we actually have to see, I think, that the roadways of the world lead nowhere. And that's kind of been the parable of David is the sense of starting still seeking but not finding. We search for it, like in the country songs, looking for love in all the wrong places, looking for love in too many faces, we can all relate to that. That's what planet Earth is for, for seeking and not finding. And yet all the deep spiritual traditions say the Kingdom of Heaven is within you. Look for the truth within you, search inside, listen to the small still voice, follow that small still voice, it knows the way, it knows the way home that will guide you. Even the Wizard of Oz, there's no place like home, there's no place like home. There's something in us that really knows that that's true. There's a home that's beyond Earth that we all, even ET, you know. He was only here briefly. Phone home, phone home. I couldn't quit talking about home. Even ET is home, home, home. Because it's there. So for what we're talking about, it's like when you seem to be going through trials and tribulations and problems and everything, you start to question their value. All of us have worked at a lot of jobs, we've had a lot of different roles, we've played different roles, and we can tell that they're temporary and transitory. You know, that there's, we're not, you know, even if they offer us a gold watch, they say for 50 years in a gold watch, we're getting to the point now, it's like that's not really that important. That's not my mission is to get a gold watch. My mission is to let go of investment in all the idle images and all the false goals and false pursuits that I've chased after and really experienced this. And then I think it starts to happen, it dawned on me that the community was in me. There was one point where I was complaining about politics and Jesus was saying, politics are in you. And I was complaining about country and pride and patriotism. Why do we have to have patriotism? And Jesus said, well, the country is in you. Like, don't put it out there and think that you're a victim of the country, a victim of the government, a victim of the society, a victim of the community. When you even have a spiritual community, that's a big temptation, is to project the problems of the mind onto the community as if the community could do a better job or the community has gone wrong or this and that. You keep bringing responsibility in more and more and more and more and then at a point of devastation where it just seems absolutely unmanageable and it feels like it's totally devastating, the answer appears right on the other side of the devastation. Oh my gosh, and that experience is what you're talking about where you start to see it's been in me all along that I always had the answer. And even though the ego tried to make it seem like something else, I always had the answer. But that's an experience. It's not something you have to try to make happen or figure out. You just have to be ready for it to be open, be willing, be ready. And then it happens. And when it happens, there's this lit up feeling. This lit up feeling is very uncompromising, you know. That's like what Nikita, when people have conversations with it, they don't know what's going to come out of her mouth but it's not going to be maybe. It usually starts out with, you need to this or this. There's some real practical given thing in the moment with joy, given with joy, but it's not kind of like let's try to solve the equation here. It doesn't have that vibe. You're not known for a compromising vibe. It doesn't matter who or what or where or when. Then you can feel more the certainty, the surety of the spirit. And the spirit is not a wishy-washy thing. The spirit doesn't give wishy-washy words.