 So beautiful day. Every day we have perfect weather here. Very lucky. Check out the islands down there. Okay so let's talk about this. Is the narcissist doing better with the new person? So they left you, they got rid of you and then they found someone else and they made it clear to you they probably put all these pictures on social media where they're out eating in a restaurant or they're going to see a movie, maybe they're going for a walk on the beach and everything looks good. Looks like they're having a great time without you and you're looking at this stuff and you're thinking we could have done that. We could have walked on the beach holding hands while the sun is going down. We could have gone to that restaurant. We could have had a great time together but no they wanted to leave you and find someone else and it's like everything you wanted. They give that to the next person and then they display it to you. Why? Of course the whole reason is because they're trying to hurt you, they're trying to punish you, they're trying to get revenge because they knew that you wanted all of those things and when you wanted those things from them and they couldn't give it to you because of their issues it hurt them. So now they want to get revenge, they want to hurt you in return, they want to make you feel like something is wrong with you, they're trying to target your confidence in yourself and that's really what it's designed to do. They're not really doing better without you but some of them they get so caught up in trying to hurt you that they will even end up marrying someone and even having children with them because they're not in the right mind, they're not thinking when they're doing that. All they're thinking about is what will hurt you the most, what will crush you and then they end up getting caught up with all kinds of people, people who maybe know good for them. So yeah they seem like they're doing better without you but don't believe everything you see. Remember there's a reason why they're putting these pictures on social media for you to see, there is a reason for that. They're trying to show you that everything's good for them now, moved on and everything is fine so then it makes you think that the problem is you but it's crazy when you think about it because it's almost like they become you. Everything you wanted, everything you desired, that was what you wanted. You wanted love, passion, loyalty and commitment. You wanted those long walks on the beach holding hands, going to restaurants, enjoying their company, talking about life. That was what you wanted. You were about that but while they were with you and they know you were begging for that by the end of it you were on your knees begging them to just give you love and return and to let you love them but it's like no matter what you do you just couldn't make it happen with them because they didn't want that and they can't really experience real love, connection and commitment but then it's like all of a sudden they leave you and then they just get all of that in an instant. They just give it all to someone else. It's like they become you. Now all of this stuff that you were talking about which they never wanted to be involved in now suddenly that's the most important thing to them in their lives and they're broadcasting it all over social media and that's how you should know straight away it's intended to hurt you because they know what you wanted. They know you wanted love with them but they refuse to give it to you because that was meant to hurt you too by withholding it from you. It was meant to crush you and it's like as if they hadn't done enough already. I mean it's like they stabbed you a hundred times and then buried you alive under the ground and then pulled your body back up again just to stab you a few more times. That's what it's like because that's what they do at the end is even once they've just buried you alive they pull your body back out of the ground they pull you back in with all of these pictures of this new person they've moved on to and they just start the cycle all over again and you must be thinking when is this gonna end? Haven't I suffered enough? How much more do you want to do to me but it just keeps going on and on. As long as it's working for them as long as they get a reaction out of you they're just gonna milk as much out of it as they can and it's never gonna stop. They really want to bleed you dry and that's what they're doing with this when they try and make you think that they're doing better with this new person and everything you wanted everything you desired from them they can so easily have that with someone else and you just get to be the observer. You're the audience watching someone else get what you wanted after you tried so hard to make things work with them. You gave everything you had you lost it all and it still wasn't enough but now someone else can come along with nothing and this is another thing they do is they move on to someone who is less than you and they deliberately do that because then it makes you think wow okay so you can move on with this person who is nothing at my level but then you're okay with that you're happy with them that it makes you think was I really that bad to where you had to go and get with this person it really affects your confidence then you compare yourself to to this other person that you're thinking so you must be better than me that it just makes you think so how how low of a person am I then really messes with your mind because of course you know they they can't really find a better person than you anyway because just look back at everything you did for them everything you did to try and make things work to try and make them happy they're not gonna find someone else who's gonna go and do all of that are they that's why they have to create the illusion they take of these pictures they're at the beach so they're having dinner together it's always the same thing I hear I hear it all the time I've had hundreds of coaching sessions of the last four and a half years and it's always the same thing it's always one person doing everything they can to make it work to have a normal relationship and then the other person is just unable to receive it or they push you away and then they leave you they find someone else and then they have all of that in an instant but the clue is that however you wanted with them that is what they give to someone else they have that with them and that is how you know it's designed to hurt you because they've learned you they have so much time with you and you've told them what you wanted you told them what you don't like and what things they could improve on to make you happy so then that's what they deliberately withhold from you while they're with you and then they deliberately give that to someone else to show you and to make you think that you're the problem but you weren't the problem you just wanted a normal relationship it's crazy when you think about it that's all you wanted was just love commitment a connection understanding acceptance and you would think that is the most simplest natural thing in the world to have with someone but they couldn't give that to you because they're broken people that's all it really is they're damaged so they couldn't give you what you want and yes it made them feel inferior it made them feel like they're not good enough it made them feel like something is wrong with them so that's why they had to go and create this illusion to make them feel like they're not the problem because if they can trick you into thinking that maybe they are actually doing okay and they can have something with someone else then they start to believe it too the more you believe it the more they can believe it so well again and it is designed to hurt you everything they do it's meant to affect your confidence I mean just look at it when you were with them they were never there to compliment you to make you feel like you're doing something right they were never in your corner never on your side they were never supporting you they were never there to cheer you on they were never that type of person for you never but they want to make you think that they can be that type of person for someone else it's just all a lie if they couldn't be that person for you they're never gonna have that with someone else I can promise you that if they couldn't have that with you they're never gonna have it with anyone because you you set everything up in the perfect arrangement you know it's like if you're trying to if you're trying to you're planting a flower you know you planted the seed you gave it sunlight water you gave it everything it needed to grow and it still died and other people they may not have the the discipline the time the patience for that flower to grow but you did you put the work in to make something happen and it still died so tell me what chances anyone else got with them no chance at all but yeah they want you to think that even though you put all of your time energy and money you invested it into them but still nothing good comes out of it because something is wrong with you doesn't really make any sense when you think about it because I think you already know if you put that time energy and money into something else it would create something incredible but they want you to think that they could just move on and someone can put a minimal amount of time energy and money into them and they become so much more without you just doesn't work like that in reality though and they may be realizing that they may be going through it right now but they're never gonna tell you that they're never gonna tell you the truth it's always gonna be an orchestration it's always gonna be this illusion just like what they gave to you in the beginning they manipulated you they love bombed you they gave you this illusion that they were looking for the same thing as you and that's really all it is is that they give you the shared fantasy it's like they want to know what you're about what makes you tick and then they give that to you but then once they've secured you then they hold it away from you and you just left to chase after it for the rest of the relationship and it's just strange when you think about it because if you think back they were the ones chasing you and you were probably the one pushing them away because you weren't really looking for love and commitment at that time maybe you were in a vulnerable place maybe you're not very open to people you're not so easy to trust because of things that have happened in your family and it's sad it really is but they specifically target people who are lonely people who are distrustful because of the abuse that they've already been through and then they make you believe no this time is different forget about everything you've been through in your life forget about all of the things people have done to you I'm not gonna do that I'm gonna take care of you I'm gonna be there for you does any of this sound familiar and then you open your heart to them you trust them and then they go into the exact same thing that everyone else did to you the exact same thing that you told them you already told them what was done you already told them what you went through in your family and your past relationships but they weren't thinking about that like oh so that's what I should avoid doing to them they were thinking of it like oh right so that's what I need to do to hurt them to punish them for everything that they see that is wrong with me because they really don't care about everything you've been through they don't care about that there's no limit to the abuse they will just pile it on even more on top of what everyone else did to you just never ends and that's what this is about when they try and make you think that they could just move on and they're so much happier with someone else and they put these pictures up on social media that you're looking at it and it really gets to you it irritates you to think that everything you desired they've just gone and had that with someone else because they knew all along that you are a good person they knew that and they know what good normal healthy people want they want love commitment they want passion they want a connection they just want someone they can share their love with share their life with and they use that to sell you a dream that's how they pull you in they tell you it's gonna be me and you like it's us against the world and we're gonna have this we're gonna go here everything you want because they know already you've told them they got you to talk right in the beginning you told them what you wanted and then they knew what to keep away from you and then they already knew what they're gonna give to someone else it's crazy but this is exactly what they do and they do the same thing every time it's what all narcissists do and it never changes first they get you to talk they get you to tell them what you want what you need what you desire they get you to open up to them and then when you do that they know exactly how to control you they will lie to you they will future fake they will make false promises about your future with them and you could be waiting around for months or even years but you'll never see it come into reality and then you start questioning and confronting them or you start acting differently towards them because you're thinking in your head what is this I've waited around for months or years this wasn't what I expected you told me things were gonna be different you told me things were gonna be better than this and they see that they see how you're reacting to it and they see that it hurts you bothers you but that doesn't compel them to fix it because the sick part of it is they like it they like your pain because they've been through a lot of pain themselves but they never wanted to deal with it the only way that they can really regulate their emotions and feel better about themselves is to see you going through it so they put you through it they withhold from you whatever it is that they think you want even if they could so easily give it to you they'll keep that away from you and then they will show you how it's so easy for them to make it work with someone else so then you're sitting back thinking that all of these things are wrong with you when in actuality there was really nothing wrong with you at all you were fine until you got involved with them everything they do is meant to hurt you it's to target your confidence and then your confidence causes you to go in the wrong direction make the wrong decisions isolate yourself or surround yourself with the wrong people it changes your entire life if you let it if you're not aware of it but now that we have this information we are aware of what they did what they've done of what they're trying to do we are aware of it now and that is why it's so easy for them to disappear and move on to someone else because once you've woken up what good is that for them they can't manipulate or control you now but you're thinking they've gone because something is wrong with you no it's actually because something is very right with you now now you're starting to understand that's why they've gone very deep topic today I think I've given you a lot to think about and now I hope that you will look back and reevaluate your relationship with them everything you went through and everything that's happening now I hope you will see that nothing you see from them is real all of these lies and stories they have one goal in mind and that is to hurt you it's to bring you down to target your confidence because you're just this free spirited innocent naive person you don't even realize how great you are and they don't want you to ever realize that because if you did then you would have power over them and they don't want that they want to control you because controlling you allows them to regulate their emotions so that they can feel better about themselves people who don't feel good about themselves this is what they do they have to hurt you yeah I hope this video has been helpful to you if it has I'd like you to give this video a thumbs up down below only 43 thumbs ups right now please share the video for coaching you can go to my website it's narksurvivor.co.uk I do have some availability this week so if you go there now you can book a session with me and check out my Instagram as well I just put some new pictures and videos on there today it's narksurvivor YouTube on Instagram okay thank you all for watching and I will talk to you in another one very soon