 I'm the comic weekly man, the jolly comic weekly man, and I'm here to read the funnies to you happy boys and honeys. Yes, boys and girls, it's comic weekly time, and here I come right into your house to bring a little fun and happiness. Right out of the pages of pop the comic weekly straight into your living room, your friend, the comic weekly man, the jolly comic weekly man. Oh, little Miss Honey, how are you today? Oh, I'm good, July. That's right, and do you know why we celebrate the 4th of July? Yes, because it's Independence Day. Yes, but why is it Independence Day? Well, that said that they weren't going to let the English rule them anymore. Yeah, that's right too, but do you know why? Why do the Americans start out like a tyrant? That's right, you know what I think would be a good idea? What? You celebrate the 4th of July by getting a book and learning how the king was unfair and why our forefathers fought for their independence and how they won the freedom from that English king. George Washington was our leader, wasn't he? Yes, he was. You read about his life and you learn the story of America's freedom. All right, I will. And you'll find out that you'll know something extra and interesting by the time you get back to school in the fall. Oh, that'll be nice. Now can we read the funnies? Pop the comic weekly? Yes. Very well, I'll read that in just a moment, but before I do, let's listen to this nice man. Oh, it's Pop the comic weekly and on the first page under bringing up father, Beatle Bailey. Magic words for the music, please. Very well, my lady. Toot me a toot and tweet me a tweedle. Squeeze out music for Bailey the Beatle. Today, Beatle and one of his pals at the army base have made themselves some lemonade, but it's not very cool. Beatle's friend says, you know, I see ration lemonade wouldn't taste bad if it was cold. Hey, you know what? The captain has plenty of ice in this water cooler. And by the time you can go, Beatle is filtering a chunk of ice from the captain's water cooler. And he's on his way back to his pal with it. When? Bailey! Beatle looks around. Oh, and there's the captain and the sergeant approaching. Beatle whips his hands behind him so the captain can't see the stolen chunk of ice. Sir? Last picture top row, the captain snaps. I just inspected your tent. And I have a list of complaints. Beatle begins to shiver. Could you complain later, sir? Stand still, Beatle! First picture bottom row, the captain reads the list of complaints. Get rid of that jar of lightning bugs. Your rock colletium and that crate of comic books. By this time, Beatle's hands are so cold from holding the ice that he's twisting an agony and his teeth are chattering. Bailey, stop wriggling! Ten minutes later, the captain has finished the list of complaints. And the sergeant is saying, And throw away that last shoe, your bag of marbles, and your box top troop. I know Beatle's hands are so cold, he's really in agony. The captain says, You have to be punished. Wash your hands and report for KP. But the big smile, Beatle yells, Yes, sir! And dashes off. Well, I never saw anyone so anxious to go on KP. And the sergeant says, Oh, we have him scared at last, sir. Did you notice how his teeth shattered? And last picture, Beatle is back with his pal. He plunges his ice-cold hands in the lemonade to warm them up. I got your hands out of my lemonade. Well, you wanted it cold off, didn't you? Yes, and wasn't it funny when he stuck his hands in the lemonade to thaw them out? Yes, he cold hands. But I don't think his friend will drink it. I know I wouldn't. No, well, now let's turn over the page and go past little iodine, cross over past Prince Val, who is in Ireland on a new adventure. Turn over that page. And here on page four of the first section is Donald Duck. Oh, my favorite today. Well, let's read now and find out. Here we go with Donald Duck. Say the magic words with me. Squeegeum, squeegeum, squeegee-chicka-chack. Let's have music to bet a quack-quack. Today Donald's nephew, Huey, dashes into the living room. Hey, fellas, he's at it again. Dewey exclaims. Oh, no, honest. Yeah, he's out in the garage mixing it right now. Whereupon, Louie says. Okay, man, you know your job. And fourth picture top row, the boys are setting up a cot. Last picture top row, they set it up in the corner of the living room. First picture bottom row, Louie brings in a lamp and books. And in comes Huey with sandwiches. And Dewey with a thermos of coffee. And then the boys leave the house. As Donald comes in, carrying a gallon of varnish and a paintbrush. And Donald sets to work varnishing the floor. Three hours later, last picture, Donald suddenly exclaims. For in front of him is the almost completely varnished floor, the door, and the window. He looks behind him. And sees the corner. No door, no window, the cot, the lamp, the books, sandwiches, coffee. And he goes. Yes, and then he couldn't get out because the varnish was still wet. And he had to sit in the corner and wait until it dried. And so the boys drive. Yes, they're pretty clever little champs. Yes, they're pretty clever little champs. Well, now let's see what Roy Rogers is up to, shall we? Oh yes, because he's really having trouble. All right, very well, let's go across page five. Turn over that page, go across page six, and there on page seven is Roy Rogers. And you remember, some crooks have grabbed the railroad payroll and the trail. And Roy had searched the tent of a man named Mike Coe who works in the carnival, and he found the empty payroll box. And Roy told Coe he'd better talk and tell who else was in the gang or he'd be put in jail. And at that moment, the other two crooks, Ham and Smiley, were listening outside the tent and they heard Mike Coe say he'd tell Roy everything. I wonder what they will do. Well, let's read and find out. Here we go with Roy Rogers, king of the cowboys. A yippee-yo, now here we go with Roy and Trigger. A yippee-yo! On a little hill above Mike Coe's tent stands the tiger cage. The outlaws head for it. Ham, the leader of the two, pulls the blocks out from under the wheels. All right, unlock the cage, Smiley. Okay, Ham, it's open. All right, now get behind the cage and give it a push. It'll roll down on that tent and Roger's goose will be cooked. All right, push. There he goes. Down the hill, the cage rolls with a terrified tiger inside. Last picture, top row, it rolls against the tent knocking it over. A can of kerosene is tumbled over inside. The cigarette falls to the ground and the tent is on fire. The wagon is tipped over and the tiger hits out unseen by anyone. Danger field and Wildwood O'Dowd hear the commotion and come running up. Second picture, about a row, they see Roy lying on the ground. Dad, Roy, what happened? Tiger wagon, broke loose, Mike's cigarette started fire. Mike confessed but didn't name his pals. I think the tiger got him. All the smoke I couldn't tell for sure. And then Wildwood sees the tiger slinking through the frames. Trigger is nearby. In a second, Wildwood has snatched Roy's rifle from the saddle. Last picture, she takes same saying, she's crazed from the fire, Roy. I'll drop her with your rifle. Roy, blinded by the smoke, explains, Oh, it's empty, Wildwood. And I can't see enough to use my six guns. There's Roy blinded by the smoke and he can't see to use his gun and Wildwood with an empty rifle in her hands. We'll have to wait until next week to find that out. But now let's turn over the page. And look here on the last page of the first section is Flash Gordon. Oh yes, addition to investigate a new planet. Yes, a planet named Titan. Titan's a word meaning huge, big, gigantic. Oh, and it's that because remember when Flash landed on Titan? That's right, and that's a mighty big ant. Yes, on Titan. Well, let's read now and find out. Here we go with Flash Gordon. Regga regga dune dune saskimatage. Let's set music for heroic flash. Flash's party has spent the night aboard the rocket ship. The morning of their first day at sunup, they are all packed and ready to explore the planet. The first man in the door says, Well, let's see what sunrise and Titan looks like. And then he stops in the door in amazement. For outside of the door of their ship stands grass as tall as a man. Hey, what's going on here? Is this the same place we landed yesterday? Last picture top roll. As they make their way through the tall grass, one of the men says, This grass wasn't the same yesterday. It's taller. Must have shot up overnight. Flash turns to the pilot. Well, you're the only man who's been here before, Midas. What's up? First picture bottom roll. Midas answers. Well, when I last landed here, I only stayed for about an hour. I didn't see much. But I did see traces and signs of strange things. I saw enough to know that everything is big here. Bigger than on earth. He pauses to light a match. Throws the empty match book to the ground. As they continue on their way, he says, You know, I saw enough to know that there are humans here. Big humans. Last picture as Flash's party moves along the trail into the distance. The discarded match book is picked up with curiosity by a hand. A hand that reaches out from the underbrush. A frighteningly large hand. The hand of a giant. Yes, and Midas says that everything on Titan is big there. Bigger than on earth. The hand of that giant looks almost as big as the whole human being. So it does. I wonder how big the people on Titan are. Well, maybe we'll find that out next week. But now let's turn to the second section of the comic weekly. Yes, and on the first day. We'll find out in just a moment. But first here's that nice man again with something interesting to say. Here we go again with Fuck the Comic Weekly. And on the first page of the second section, Dagwit and Blondie. Magic words for the music, please. Very well, my lady. One of the water pipes in the Bumsted house has sprung a leak. Blondie asked Dagwit if he shouldn't call a plumber. Oh nonsense, I can fix that little leak myself. A few minutes later, Blondie and Dagwit are in the basement looking at the leak. A few drops of water have trickled out. And they've made a little puddle on the basement floor. Blondie decides that it's really not very much. No, it's nothing. I'll go next door and borrow some of Herb's tools and I'll have it fixed in a jiffy. Last picture, top row. Herb and Dagwit are returning to the Bumsted house with tools. I'll help you with it, Dagwit. I'll love to work on plumbing. Okay, Herb, two heads are better than one. First picture, second row. Herb looks at the teeny weeny leak in the pipe. We can fix that in a jiffy and save you a plumber's bill. Yeah, but be careful not to soil your nice new slacks, Herb. You take that joint and I'll take this one. About this time, Mr. McNuff, one of the neighbors is at the Woodley house asking for Herb. Herb's wife tells him, Oh, Herb is helping Dagwit with some plumbing, Mr. McNuff. Oh, good, good. I'll get a few of my wrenches and help him. Ten minutes later, first picture, third row. Mr. McNuff followed by Mr. Schnurkel comes into the Bumsted house carrying tools ready to lend a helping hand. Oh, hiya, Dagwit. Schnurkel and I come along to help. Well, thanks, fellas. It's just a little leak. We should have it fixed in no time. Yeah, sure. Just a little leak. We'll have it fixed in no time. So the men all tackle the pipes. Okay, Schnurkel, you'll take that joint and I'll fix them. Last picture, third row. Tootsie Woodley and Blondie are in the kitchen. Blondie says the boys will be hungry as bears when they get finished and Tootsie answers, Yes, we'll fix up a nice lunch for the boys. First picture, bottom row. In the basement, the boys are working away on the pipes. Suddenly, there is a... Fifteen minutes later, Blondie is at the cellar door with the plumber. Last picture, they look into the cellar which is now three-quarters full of water. And they see Dagwit, Herb Woodley, McNuff, and Schnurkel swimming for their lives. The plumber shakes his head and groans, Oh, why is it all husbands stink their plumbers? They broke the pipes and flooded the cellar and the water poured out so fast they didn't have a chance to find the stairs to get out. Yep, that'll be quite an expensive repair job. Yeah, that'll be quite an expensive repair job. Well, now let's turn over the page and see what we find. Oh, here's Bear Addy. Oh, yes, right under the Lone Ranger. Read that, please. I just love Bear Addy. Very well, here we go with Uncle Remus and his tales of Burr Rabbit. Say the magic words with me. Hippity hoppity, make it a habit to give us music for old Burr Rabbit. Uncle Remus says, Sometimes Burr Rabbit don't know enough to let well enough alone. Today Burr Rabbit enters Dr. Crane's office. Oh, Dr. Crane, I want you to inoculate me against Burr Fox. What's that? You mean to vaccinate you with a Fox-Pox soup? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Indoculate me with the Fox-Pox vaccination. All right, Burr Rabbit, roll up your pants leg. So Dr. Crane picks up a bottle of medicine called Fox-Pox. Burr Rabbit rolls up his pants leg to get the vaccination of Fox-Pox so that he can't be outfoxed by Burr Fox again. Dr. Crane gives him a jab with a needle. Oh, that tickles. You mean it don't hurt? No, no, it's just tickles. Dr. Crane pulls out the needle. Sir, now if Burr Fox bites you, you get to lock your... Last picture top roll, Burr Rabbit is skipping down the road, happy as can be, because now he's sure Burr Fox can't ever outfox him again. I just skip over and give Burr Fox a whirl of temptation. First picture bottom roll, Burr Rabbit skips through a bunch of leaves in the road, and... Hey, wha-wha-what? Wh-wha-what? And there lies Burr Rabbit at the bottom of the road to get the vaccination of Fox-Pox. And there lies Burr Rabbit at the bottom of a pit, a trap, a deep hole that he can't climb out of. Uh-oh. This is some of Burr Fox's doings. Hmm, I guess the Fox-Pox vaccination wasn't strong enough. Not too much later, Dr. Crane comes flying along. He sees the hole in the ground, and here's Burr Rabbit yelling, Help! Dr. Crane exclaims, Uh-oh. Looks like Burr Rabbit's vaccination didn't take. Dr. Crane lands beside the deep hole, lowers his umbrella, Burr Rabbit takes hold, and Doc Crane pulls Burr Rabbit out. Thank you, Dr. Crane. Well, you is lucky, Burr Rabbit, that I was a flyin' by. Yes, sir. And we has got to change the scheme. Well, how so? Last picture, Burr Rabbit exclaims. Doc, we-we-we's got the inoculation backwards. You has got to vaccinate Burr Fox with the Rabbit Fox. And Uncle Rima says, The ounce of prevention ain't always enough. Silly. Yes, I kind of think he is too. Who ever heard of getting vaccinated to prevent somebody else from outsmarting you? I never did. Oh, neither did I. And I'm afraid that Burr Rabbit was taking too much of a chance by trying to find a way to tempt Burr Fox to catch him. Yes. Well, let's hope that Burr Rabbit learned a lesson. Yes. Now let's turn over the page. Oh, and look, here is Walt Disney's new story, The Sword and the Rose. Oh, and it's a wonderful story because it's in the early days of England when Henry was the king. Yes, it was the year 1514 at the court of the king. It was a gay day. Wrestling matches were being held. And the king asked Brandon to wrestle the Duke and Charles Brandon won. And I'm glad because he's brave and daring and handsome. And then the king appointed Charles Brandon the captain of his guard. I wonder why he's nice because he's handsome and brave and daring. Well, let's read now and find out. Here we go with Walt Disney's story, The Sword and the Rose. It's Mary, Mary, England when knighthood was in flower. Music to bewitch our story hour. Unaware that King Henry's sister, the impetuous Mary Tudor was responsible for his appointment to the king's guards, Charles Brandon, gentleman adventurer meets his friend Cascaden at the court. Bides you, Brandon, you make a handsome captain to the guards. Oh, I feel more like a monkey in a red suit with a message from the queen to Princess Mary. Be wary, my lad, lest you lose your heart to me, Lady Mary. Oh, we guardsmen know better than to look above us. A virtual stranger to Windsor Castle, the new guardsman finally finds a group of ladies in a lower garden. The ladies see him approaching. They exclaim an amazement at the handsome figure that Brandon cuts. First picture bottom row, he asks, Oh, ladies, have I the honor to find the Princess Mary among you? The princess who is in the group decides to test the metal of the new guardsman. And she says, He is the Princess Mary of so little consequence that she's not known to a mighty captain of the guards. Instantly, Brandon accepts the challenge and decides to play the princess's little game. Oh, forgive a blundering stranger at the court, my lady. Since Princess Mary is reputed to be gracious, I presume she cannot be here. A lady in waiting says, Insolent fellow. And last picture, Mary smiles. Perhaps. But he acts like a man. He is. And mine is when she said what she did to him, even if she was fooling. Yes, so did I. And I'm glad that the princess admires him for that. So do I. I don't blame her because he's handsome and brave and daring. I don't blame her either. You think she will fall in love with him? Well, maybe we'll find out more about that next week. But now I'll bet you you'd like to know what happens next to Rusty Riley. And we'll find Rusty on the last page of the comic weekly. So let's go to the very last page. And here he is under Dick's adventures. And you know that Dick is with Robert Pulton who invented a new steamboat. And they're having trouble making that boat run. Next week we'll find out more about that. But now let's see what happens to Rusty. Yes. Yes, that's right. Tex came to the Dooley farm to buy a horse named Silver Lad. And he found Rusty there. And they're just about ready to start back home with the horses. Yes, but there are two men who want to get Silver Lad because he's a very valuable horse. And these two men, I think, are crooks. They're going to try a crooked way I wonder if they really will. Well, maybe we can find out more about them in their scheme today. Here we go with Rusty Riley. Gallop and run till the road is dusty. Give us music for his horse and Rusty. Mr. Clinton, the detective who found Silver Lad for Mr. Miles has given Tex the bill of sale for the horses. And Clinton leaves for home. Tex and Rusty plan to start for the milestone farm next morning. Third picture top row as they talk Rusty says You know, Tex, I've been wondering my Mr. Miles is so crazy to get Silver Lad that he hires a detective and finds him. Is Silver Lad so special? Oh, he sure is, Special Rusty. You see, due to a disastrous stable fire, Silver Lad's the only survivor of a famous line of hunters. Last picture top row, they walk over to the paddock to take a look at Silver Lad. Mr. Miles is determined to keep the line a going. And he hopes to show Silver Lad at the Lexington Junior League horse show. Oh, cheepers, Tex. That's a really important show. We'll sure have to work on Silver Lad to get him right for it. Meanwhile, first picture bottom row at a breeding farm of Velvet Cain near Lexington, Kentucky. Velvet Cain is holding a meeting with two of his men in his office. Now listen, scrub, I don't want Quentin Miles to get Silver Lad to milestone farm for a while. And it's going to be up to you two boys to see to it that he doesn't. Well, I don't get it, Belle. What's the gimmick? I'm not in the game of raising horses for a hobby. That big shot from South America is ready to give me top price for all my yielding hunters. Well, don't be stupid, scrub. Silver Lad is from the world's most famous line of hunters. Everybody thinks the line ended in that stable fire. So if my customer knew that milestone farm was going to raise horses from that line, the man named Scrub, who seems to be Cain's right-hand man, exclaims last picture. Oh, I get it now. In that case, your big shot would call off his deal and wait to buy milestone horses. Yeah, that's right. And Porky, a tough-looking guy nods. Should you want Scrub and me to snatch the nag, right? And I want that horse hidden and hidden good till my deal is settled. Now let's look at this road map. The Cain doesn't want Mr. Miles to get Silver Lad. Yes, Cain raises horses and sells them to an important man in South America, a rich man. And he's afraid that if the South American learns that Mr. Miles is raising better horses than he does... The man from South said it from Belle the Cain. That's right. Well, we'll have to wait until next week to find that out. Now, that's all the time I have. But before I go, here's that nice fellow with some more interesting information. Well, honey, and all you boys and girls, I've got to go now. Okay, that's a date. And the date with all you boys and girls. Be sure to meet me with our little friend Miss Honey next week when I read Puck the Comic Weekly. For I'm the Comic Weekly Man, the Jolly Comic Weekly Man. I'll be back to read the funnies to you happy boys and honeys. Now forget, boys and girls, see you all next week. Your friend the Comic Weekly Man, the Jolly Comic Weekly Man. The Jolly Comic Weekly Man.