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I'm the Villain in My Own Story (feat. Rachel Bloom)

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Published on Mar 9, 2016

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Written by Rachel Bloom and Adam Schlesinger

Rebecca:
I try to be good to others.
Treat my fellow men like
Brothers and sisters.
That's the story I'm the
Hero in. So how come I can't
Zero in on why this song sounds
So sinister?

Oh my god.

Witch Rebecca:
I'm the villain in my own
Story. I'm in the witch in
My own tale. Though I insist
I'm the protagonist, It's clear
That my soul is up for sale.

Rebecca:
I'm the villain in my own story.
The bad guy in my tv show.
I'm the "who" in the whodunit.
When I go to hell I'll run it, as
Satan's CFO.

(spoken)
He needs someone to do the books.
Actually i shouldn't do that, I'm terrible
with money!

But wait! How am I a villain?
I give annually to UNICEF.
And just last week I helped a
Lady cross the street who was
Super old and deaf.

(spoken)
Wait - where am I? Aaah a bird!!

I'm the villain in my own story.
I'm the bitch in the corner of
The poster. I'm the figure in
The doorway or the Kraken
Up in Norway. God who is
This song's composer?!

(spoken)
It's like ridiculously sinister.
Like...redunkulously sinister.

Witch Rebecca:
Ahahahahahaha! Well well,
Well, I've finally caught you
Now, Valencia!

Valencia:
What do you want with me,
You evil witch queen? I'm but
A humble Yoga instructor!

Witch Rebecca:
What I want...is your
Boyfriend!

Valencia:
Not Prince Josh! Anything
But Prince Josh! Why are
You doing this to me?! I'm
Kate Hudson.

Witch Rebecca:
We're doing the witch and
Princess thing, just go with
It.

Valencia:
Fine, so I'm the princess, why
Do you want to do this to me?!

Witch Rebecca:
Because, I'm jealous of you and
Your life! You're so skinny and
Josh is so perfect and I want to
Take it all for myself! And now,
I'll cook you into a dinaguan and
Serve it to Josh's family!

Valencia:
Noooooooo!!!

Witch Rebecca:
Hahahaha--

Neighbor:
SHUT UP!!

Rebecca:
I'm the villain in my own story.
My actions have gone way too
Far. I told myself that I was
Jasmine but I realize now I'm
Jafar.

We're told love conquers all.
But that only applies to the hero.
Is the enemy what I'm meant to
Be is being the villain my destiny...?

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