 Sorry, Empire Strikes Back, but you're no longer the best Star Wars movie. I'm Khaleesi Grimes, 82, and I'm reviewing Star Wars The Last Jedi. If you haven't seen the film, where have you been? You're clearly not a Star Wars nerd like me, or you're poor. In either case, get away from this video unless you want to hear a bunch of spoilers! So let's begin! First things first, I'm a realist. Apparently I'm Iggy Azalea too. First things first, I'm a realist. Drop this and let the whole world fail ass. I love The Last Jedi, and I think the reviews on Rod's Tomatoes are a little bit unfair. They have it all the way up at 96%, which is just ridiculous. This movie should be at 100%. It does nothing wrong. Everything makes perfect sense. It tips the hat to the old films, but it's new. It's so new, and it takes chances. It takes all the chances. Listen, I love The Force Awakens. J.J. Abrams did a great job reintroducing the franchise. He brought me my Rey and my Finn and my Poe, and he brought back the classic characters we loved. And he brought with him a lot of mystique and a lot of new ideas and questions that we were hoping to be answered in The Last Jedi. Such as, who is Snow? Who is Mary Sue? I mean, Rey, who are the Knights of Wren? And I am pleased as punch at the direction they went with it. They saw J.J. Abrams build up and where he was going, and they threw that script out the window, and they started from scratch. And then to wait two years to have his reaction, which is, eh, it was brilliant. It was like saying, hey, everybody that's been waiting for this moment, fuck you. This movie really reminds me of Batman vs Superman, which is also really, really fucking good. It reminds me of that because when people liked that, what we like I did, we didn't shut up about it. We tweeted about it every single day for a year, how much we liked it and how much people are wrong about it. And we let the world know that. We're like, hey, I love Batman vs Superman, fight me about it. Tell me I'm wrong and then I'll call you an idiot because you don't understand how complex and how deep this film is. That's like The Last Jedi. Super deep. So much depth. Luke Skywalker titsucking from an alien cow. Porgs. Evil Darth Vader BB-8. Porgs. Captain Phasma. Porgs. Porgs. Leia having a pivotal role where she sits around doing nothing for the majority of the film until she gets blasted out the side of a ship only to come back resurrection force style and Superman into the ship again. It's genius. She didn't know she had this power. It was locked away until she unlocked it at death and she'll probably never use it again. But it was so cool seeing her do this stuff, much like Rey, the abilities within and they don't have to train to use it. It's just there. It's like a midichlorian count. They're so powerful. And I love that Rey can just move rocks without having any training. And I really love that I defended her for two years when people called her a Mary Sue because she was better than the guys. Who cares? She has special blood or she has a connection to the force because her father was Luke or something of that nature. It's going to be explained why she can fly the Millennium Falcon and she even says like, I don't know what I'm doing. This doesn't make sense. It's going to get explained why she can use Jedi mind tricks all of a sudden. It's going to be explained why she can fight and win against Kylo Ren multiple times now. It will all be laid out in the last Jedi. You have to let them tell their story and they did. Her parents are no one. They're crappy junkie losers that leave her on a planet to die. I think it is brilliant that they cock teased us for a movie and a half about where she came from only to say it doesn't matter. If they had said that from the beginning, no one would have cared. But because they built it up for depressing disappointment, it hits that much harder and I love them for it. So ballsy. So brave. Here I was overthinking it like, oh my God, it would be so cool if this movie started up with her eyes opening and it pans out and she's four years old and she's meditating with her mother and the camera leaves this building and we see her father Luke Skywalker training the Knights of Ren and Kylo. This is like 20 minutes of the movie opening up. We get to see him happy for once in his life with his daughter with his wife who he loves more than anything else. We see him training Kylo, but we also see it deteriorate. We see them starting to break the chain. Kylo secretly meets with these other guys and they betray Luke. This is out of nowhere. Luke isn't expecting it. He sends his wife and child away on a ship. He tries to persuade Kylo to come back to the light side and not be corrupted. He is the son after all of Han and Leia. He would never attempt to kill him. He loves him. Luke isn't like that at all. He would never sneak into his tent at night and kill him with a lightsaber for no fucking reason outside of he may go bad. He convinced his dad to be good after all and that guy was awful. Luke gets in an epic battle with Kylo and his forces while his wife and daughter leave with some friends. That's why the girl is left on the planet and she sees the mom and the presumable dad who's just another guy. They leave. The ship is destroyed right after they get back off the planet. They drop the daughter off there because it's the only chance she has. They're being chased. They're being hunted by the first order. They're gone. She forgets everything she knew because it's so fucking tragic. It's so dramatic. But Luke wants to see them again. He doesn't know their whereabouts but he leaves a map and he's been searching for them. He hasn't just been sitting around moping and crying on an island by himself for 15 years. No, no, no, no, that would be cowardly. That would be pathetic and not in line with Luke at all. That would be a disgrace to his character to have him go out like that, a person we grew up with. He was like a Superman to us. They would never treat him with such disrespect until they did in this film. And I applaud him for that. So brave. It took chances. It's not Empire Strikes Back. It's not Empire. It's so much better. The reason why some Star Wars fans out there are getting all butthurt about this film is because they had these preconceived notions of how they wanted it to play out. Oh, Ray's clearly the daughter of Luke or the daughter of Ben Kenobi or something. Like, it wouldn't make sense if she was just a nobody. That would be lame. She has to be something. Why would they tease us with this information for no reason? You know, like, it's just lame. But that's the brilliance of it. They trolled the fans, these people that love Star Wars. They don't love Star Wars. They love their idea of Star Wars. Get out with your old, cromudity ideas. This isn't about you. This is about Disney. This is about the future of this franchise and the most money they can make from it. It is such a deep movie. It is so deep. Deeper than the island's asshole that Ray jumps down into for no reason at all where she has that jam session with herself like she's trying out for Pitch Perfect 3. Oh, I'm coming up so you better get this party started. I'm coming up. I'm coming. Somebody once told me the world was a- Yet span one week since you looked at me. I saw the force. It opened up my eyes. I saw the force. This movie is so divisive. It is the most divisive movie there has ever been. Did you know that people didn't like Star Wars? The Empire Strikes Back when it came out either because of its controversial ending that ended on a downer. It's the same reason they hate this movie not because of the countless plot holes the lame side story with Finn and Rose which isn't lame. It's awesome. It's not lame. And if you criticize it, you don't like the movie because it takes up 45 minutes of it at least and has absolutely no reason to exist. But this is basically Empire in terms of the audience reaction. People are so upset about everything these days. How about just like a movie that clearly a lot of time and energy and heart went into. Just like a movie. Try it sometime. Just like a f***ing movie sometime. You stupid a**hole. You hypocrite who hates movies and things. I hate you. Person I don't know who has an opinion. F*** you. In order to really understand if you like a movie you need to see it multiple times. That's a fact. I touched briefly on the amount of layer to this film but I can't even begin to comprehend all of it. It's deeper than BBS which is insane to think. When they go to Sonic's Casino World and they show the poor kids that they don't save and the animal cruelty going on there. They have slave kids and animals. It's kind of like pod racing which reminds me of the prequels which I also love which are also great. There's a vision there. I love it. And I like that they went that way but didn't really address anything further. They're just like look this is terrible. Okay, see you later. That's great to me. I love that they didn't rescue the kids. And I love that Luke at one point jokes to Ray that he's like I'm just Luke Skywalker. One of the most powerful Jedi's in existence. Maybe the most powerful. I don't know. I don't really get to prove myself in this film but it's great that he says at one point what am I supposed to do? Take on the whole fleet by myself. Like it's a little teaser and then he goes out there and does it but doesn't because he's just a force ghost and he doesn't actually fight anyone. He just dodges twice and then dies because he astral projected all the way billions of light years away from a different planet. He died. He could have gone there and died too and not been a total pussy and confronted them and showed everybody hope but he showed hope anyways by dying by himself alone. That's how I and everything over and leaving his friends high and dry. That's how I wanted it to go. You Han you Leia you Kylo Ren you new people. Oh Ray you need help training you need help training finding your way like I did when I was younger. Nope. Go to hell. It's brilliant writing. It's different. It's ballsy. What was there to like some really pretty effects and music? I guess. It looked really nice and it sounded nice is entertaining is funny. But man the story is just garbage. Nothing makes sense. You're not still filming. Oh, we need to wrap up still. Okay. I love this movie. I love everything about it. Hater's gonna hate. Just ignore them. They're just toxic to the Star Wars world. I can't wait for solo now. I'm super pumped for solo. I can't wait to see CGI Leia in the next film. I think it's going to be great that they continue that story. I love her. I love everything she does. CGI Leia is going to be great. Maybe they'll kill her in the title crawl. Star Wars comes up. Leia is dead. I love this movie. I'm such a nerd. My biggest fear is that JJ Abrams is going to come back and give the fans what they want.