 The makers of Wrigley's Spearman chewing gum invite you to enjoy life. Life with Luigi, a comedy show created by Psy Hard and starring that celebrated actor Mr. J Carol Ash with Alan Reed as Besqually. Wrigley's Spearman chewing gum is a typically American product that appeals to people of all ages and nationalities in all parts of our country. And the Wrigley people feel that Life with Luigi is a typically American radio program. A friendly enjoyable show that sort of symbolizes the American spirit of tolerance and goodwill. So the makers of refreshing delicious Wrigley's Spearman gum are glad to bring you life with Luigi each week and have you join them in this pleasant half-hours entertainment. And now let's read Luigi's letter as he writes about his adventures in America to his mama Vasco in April. Mummy, in America everybody is very excited now because in a few days there's gonna be thanksgiving. That's a big day when everybody is glad that he's American except the Turkey. And a thanksgiving he wishes that he was a chicken. Yeah, and a thanksgiving everybody is to eat the Turkey. Also people eat the cranberry sauce, the nuts, the soups, the fruits, the vegetables, the bread, the coffee, candy, pie, everything. Mummy, we eat so much. I'm gonna think and a thanksgiving tonight this country must gain at least a 10 million pounds. The last two years I'm gonna have a thanksgiving dinner with my country. I want to be surprised out of the 10 million pounds America has had honor roses again a five a million. But anyway I'm very excited to myself because this year I'm thinking to make a Pasquale and a Rosa a big Turkey dinner myself. I'm gonna get the money. So in a few days I was thinking how I'm gonna get the money faster. So I go to my antique shop where I send in a Noosa boy looking to the Noosa peppers and maybe I'm gonna find some extra work because I'm, let me see now, fry cooker, no Jolligyster, that's that, no? Glass or blower, experience them. That's funny. What experience a man needs to blow on a glass? That's no good. Hard to wear that. Mr. Vasco, why do you have to find an extra job? Because I'm gonna make some extra money. I gotta make it the fastest, Sandy, because I'm gonna want to make a Turkey dinner for Pasquale. What? Mr. Vasco, the shoe should be on the other foot. Shoes should be on the other foot. Sure. Sandy, you silly, how am I looking with a two left to show you? No, I mean I don't get it, Mr. Vasco. Mr. Pasquale has a whole restaurant full of food. Why should you make him a dinner? For a big reason, Sandy. If you know Pasquale is a food, you don't want to have a dinner there. No, no, I'm a joke, Sandy. You know, Pasquale is a brought to me to America. And no matter what he's sometimes tried to do to me, Sandy, I'm always thankful to him for that. Oh, everybody knows he brought here just to marry his big, fat daughter. Sandy, don't you call her that. Then why don't you marry her? Because she's too big and a fat. Come on, now let's read the paper. Uh, magazine salesman, how's that? No, that's no good. That's a day worker. Oh, here's something. That's a just for me. Listen, Packers. Packers, you know what it is? No. It's a no-experience and necessary. Good to pay for night to work. Pre-holiday, Russia, Daisy Jones, a pipe company. 8 to 23 Adams. Mama, I'm going to the right now. That's wonderful, Mr. Vasco. A few hours work at night and no experience. That's right up your alley. It's a knot up on my alley, Sandy. No? No, I'm going to take a trolley car. It's a two miles away. Now, Mr. Cougindal, nobody stands at the ad yet. How do you like that? I can't get a man to fill the job. And I'm going to be stuck right at the top of the seats. Well, there's no use getting excited, Mr. Cougindal. A few people are bound to show up. All right, all right. I'll be in the back. And if anybody does come in, don't let them get away. Sure. Ah, fuck, now. Why, when I was a kid. Hello. Oh. Is this the Daisy Jones, a pipe company? Yeah. Good. I'm a Luigi Vasco. Hey, you Daisy Jones? Oh, no. I'm just a secretary. What did you want? Well, I hear a noose of pepper is the adder for job. Oh, well, I'll call the owner. How do you do? How do you do? Are you? Are you Daisy Jones? What? I'm a thought you would be much prettier. Hey, what are you, a wise guy? Oh, please excuse the Daisy. I'm, I'm a thought you was a lady. Well, I'm glad you got over your first impression. So why you call yourself the Daisy Jones? Because my name is Clarence Cougindal. Oh. No, I don't mean that. My slogan is, pies like mother used to make. I would have looked if it read, pies like Clarence Cougindal used to make. I couldn't sell a pie in a million years. Why? You're not very familiar with American business, are you? You're new here, aren't you? No, no, no. I'm, I'm not this new. I'm, I'm here over two years. So that's making me second hand. That's a joke about it. But I'm, I'm still not understand why mother used to make Daisy Jones pies. Well, I'll tell you why. America's got a mother complex. The women are ganging up on us. Aunt Minnie's pancake flour, Mother White's corp syrup, Sister Hattie's flaky biscuits. I ate in my house for years and in my friend's houses. I got a product I'd like to patent, Mother's bicarbonate of soda. You didn't enjoy growing up, did you, Mr. Clarence Cougindal? Do you mind if I'm a call you Daisy Jones? Call me anything you like as long as you start work. Oh, no, I'm, I'm not able to start the night tonight. I gotta go to my night school. Night, oh, everything happens to me. Yeah, but I'm a thought that maybe I could have worked after school. Look, friend, the pies are baked all day. The place closes at midnight. You gotta work now. All you gotta do is stick pies and bins and for that you get a dollar an hour. Mama, that's a lot of money, and I'm a needy. Well, thank heaven somebody needs money. Oh, yeah, if I'm gonna get enough until Thanksgiving, then I'm gonna surprise my friend at Pasquale with a big turkey dinner. All right, then. I'm gonna help you out. Nobody's gonna miss you if you skip night school a few days. Skipper? I'm not that smart. You, you'll catch on. Miss Strong, let's get a letter off to this gentleman's teacher. Here's a pen. And I will gonna have to stay out until Thanksgiving. I'm a God of the Grip and it's catching, so please nobody don't come to see me till I'm telling you. Signed, Luigi Basko. Well, that's too bad. However, class, as you probably noticed, there were quite a few mistakes in Mr. Basko's letter. Mr. Schultz, can you give me one? Well, if a man has got the Grip, he shouldn't be writing letters. He should be resting. No, no, no, no. Mr. Horowitz. Well, it was an error in grammar, I noticed, but maybe Luigi's got a hundred and three fever and he didn't know what he was saying. Well, it's nice of you to come to his defense. I suppose we should get on with our lesson. A mess, one thing. I noticed quite a few things. Yes? There were a few glaring errors in misplaced, tenseless and possessive pronouns, as well as definite backwardness in the phrasing of the sentences. And this jumbled up the gist of the letter. Oh, what a show-off, taking advantage of a man when he's lying in bed. Mr. Schultz, please. Olsen, could you write a better letter? You're a certain record, then please do me a favor. Get pneumonia and send me one. Please, class, please. It's my fault. I shouldn't have brought the letter up as a subject of criticism. Poor Luigi with the Grip. The class ain't the same without him. Oh, well, I feel just as badly. Who is taking care of Luigi? Pascuali is right next door to him. Oh, and that means Rosa. Poor Luigi. Even if he recovers from his grip, he's gonna fall right into Pascuali's grip. It's not a thing the joke about, Schultz. Those grips are nasty things. Somebody's gotta take care of them. Well, perhaps it isn't that bad. Maybe it's just a cold and not the grip. Oh, no, no, miss Pauling. Oh, there is quite a difference. The grip, which is really the flu. The grip is caused by a virus, which can be stethylacocci, streptococci, or pneumococci. If they are also cocci, how come they found Luigi? All right, all right, class. Let's settle down now and get on with our lessons. Miss Pauling, do you mind if I go over to Luigi and give him the regards from the class? Well, I think that would be very nice. But Schultz, Luigi said he's got it, but he's got it, it's catching. Go over and speak to Pascuali. He'll know what's going on. Yeah, that's a good idea. Oh, go for it. If Pascuali takes care of Luigi, he might be harboring the yarn, too. Invasible. There ain't a chairman in the world who could stand living with Pascuali. Look who's here, Mr. Eichler, the delicatessen man himself. Pascuali, how is he? What is his temperature? How's the blood pressure? Did you call the doctor? Well, take it easy, Schultz. Wait, wait. Calm down. Relapse. Now, look, start all over again and tell me what's the word about who's who. Pascuali, don't you know Luigi ain't been to night school for two days already? Oh, there's about time we give up on that education of junk and settle down to be in a homemade man. Pascuali, don't you even know he is sick? Sick? Wait a minute, Schultz. You trying to tell me Luigi's sick? No, I just came in to warn you the British are coming. Sure, he's sick. He sent a note to school saying he's got the grip and it's catching. Well, maybe that's why he didn't tell me. He didn't want me to catch it. All right, you go, Schultz. I go to take care of everything. Goodbye, Pascuali. I hope Luigi gets better. And if you catch it, I'm giving you my best wishes in advance. Thanks. That's a funny thing. I could have swore Luigi was in his antique shop the last two nights. Is it some marathona somewhere? I think it's on an old horse that is great. I think I go around the back way and surprise Luigi. Ah, there he is, getting ready to go out. Can't it be very sick? Or is it coming out this way? I better go right in. Luigi, my friend. Hello, Luigi. Hello, hello. Oh, hello, Pascuali. That's about it, Luigi. You're laughing from enjoyment on Naivus. Well, no, it isn't nothing, Pascuali. Please excuse us. Huh? I've got to go somewhere. Do you, uh, night of school? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. To my night of school. Uh, how you getting along in the night of school? Oh, fine, fine. You, uh, learning a lot? Oh, yeah, yeah, a lot. How much is 80 and 80? 160. Well, I ain't got my ad in the machine, so I guess you're right. Look, Luigi, whatever you do, you know, Pascuali has an eye watching all the time. 24 hours a day, 368 days a year. I don't know what you're talking about, Pascuali. You're down, eh? No. Well, all right. Go, go, go to school. Thank you. Goodbye. Hey, don't forget a Thanksgiving of day, there. You having it with Rosa and me, ain't you? Oh, uh, well, uh, Pascuali, have you expected me for dinner, you better not. What? Well, what I mean is that Pascuali, I'm a, I'm a, don't approach better not. And, uh, you see, I'm, Pascuali, I can't explain it now. I'm late already. That's funny. Other times your school can wait. Listen, every year I make you Thanksgiving of dinner. What's the matter now? You got somebody else? No, no, no, no, but, uh, but I suppose I'm a, well, suppose I'm my head of turkey myself. What? You make a dinner? Sure. Listen, Luigi, turkeys are worth a 70 cents a pound, and you're worth a 10 cents a pound. The more chance of turkeys are gonna have a Luigi for Thanksgiving of dinner. Come on, and forget everything. I'll make you dinner. No, no, Pascuali, don't make a dinner. You mean you turn me down just like that? No, Pascuali, please, don't be mad at me. Is it supposed to be a supra? Well, uh, I'm a doner when I give it away. I'm doing something, and I'm very happy to be doing it when I'm a doner, but I'm gonna tell you what I'm a doner and to tell you what I'm a doner is it done? All right, you do what you do until you're done doing it. Oh, three million words in English language. Stop beating the one word to death. Pascuali, please, don't get mad at me. Believe me, I'm a... Oh, who's this so late? No, I'm gonna make a phone call. Well? Well, I see. I'm gonna want it. Okay. Don't want it. I'm going. Goodbye. You like to know that I'm not a squeak. Oh, I just can't hold myself in. I've got to listen to that phone call. Hello, Daisy Jones? Daisy Jones, a dirty double-crosser rotten two times now. Daisy Jones, please excuse me. I'm late. Sure, sure, I'm coming down. How you like that? Already, he's a hand-packed. What? You got a pie just for me? Oh, thank you. She's a cook for him, too. Well, if Daisy Jones is a cook, and he's a turkey for him, I'm gonna cook, and he's a goose. Little pups, after all I've done for him. Oh, I'm so mad. Stupid little cabin pussy. Hello? Hello, a board of education? This is Pascuali, a very good friend of Luigi Bascuali. I'm gonna want to speak to the hooky department. Before we return to life with Luigi, I'd like to mention the enjoyment you can get by chewing delicious wriggly spearmint gum. In your home, at your work almost any time and anywhere, just slip a stick of wriggly spearmint into your mouth and chew it for as long as you want. The good, smooth chewing is a pleasant outlet for pent-up tension. You naturally feel better when you're chewing, and the lively, refreshing flavor of wriggly spearmint leaves a fresh, clean taste in your mouth. So enjoy chewing wriggly spearmint gum often every day. Get a few packages of this helpful, delicious treat next time you go to the store. Now let's turn to page two of Luigi Bascuali's letter to his mother-in-law. And as some, I mean, it was a five days I'm gonna work in a Daisy Jones pie company. Twenty-five dollars I'm gonna get already for the Thanksgiving of dinner for Pascuali and the whole class. I'm gonna have a big feast. And like they say in America, Ellie, you go nuts. Oh, pardon me. Are you Mr. Luigi Bascuali? Yes, sir. That's... I'm... How are you feeling, Mr. Bascuali? I'm feeling fine. How are you feeling? Very well. Thank you. Mr. Bascuali, I'm the truant officer from Public School 23. Oh, excuse me. I'm gonna go back to Bergen. Why? My grip is starting to grab. Mr. Bascuali, before you knew who I was, you told me you felt fine. Yeah, but I'm gonna talk to you as a friend. I'm gonna like to tell him my trouble to strangers. Well, you look perfectly healthy to me. Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm very sick. I'm gonna get a pens into my head, to my chest as all the choke up and my stomach is weak and... and my feet is killing to me. Mr. Bascuali, you should be in bed. See, even if you agree with me. All the week, all the week, I'm... I've been sick and it's a catch-in. Oh. May I have the name of the doctor who treated you? Why? You got a grip or two? No. This is for the records. What's your doctor's name? I'm a no-no. You don't know? Well, surely you must know his name. What do you call him when you speak to him? Doc. Mr. Bascuali, who do you think your kid is? You haven't been to school for five days. Now, have you claimed you've been here? Then tell me. Who is Daisy Jones? Daisy? What? Oh, please, please, Mr. Hookie Officer. I'm in a trance. I know you don't believe in me. But Daisy Jones, she's not a she, she's a he. What do you mean? Well, she's a six-foot-tall, got a moustache, and her real name is Clarence Cucandola. Hello, Schultz's delicatessen here. Sure, sir, you've got to help me out. Help you out? Luigi, you want us to come over with a stretcher? No, no. Not sure, sir, I'm in a terrible trouble. I'm not sick. I'm working nights are stacking up at a piezer like your mama used to bake. But a trun officer's going to throw me out of school because he's an unbelievable Daisy Jones. He said he lives in Clarence Cucandola. Tell me, are you holding the phone yourself, or are your arms strapped to the side of the bed, and a man in a white uniform is helping you? You're not sure, sir? Please, there's no time for jokes. Tell him I'm spaulding what I'm used to telling you. Are you kidding? Then stop me to the side of the bed. But don't you tell her yourself? I'm going to try to get her on the telephone, but there's no answer. Tonight is the last of the night in the pie factory, and I'm going to have to come for my money. Sure, sir, please, I promise you'll tell her I'm a no-mentor to play hooky. All right, I'm going to tell her. Oh, thanks, sir. Sure, sir, you're really a friend. Well, let me see. You're not playing hooky because Daisy Jones went out with a trun officer whose name is Clarence. Nimble, now you've got me all for shimmels. No, sure, sir, listen. I'm a finer job, and it's in the pie factory. Good evening, Miss Spaulding. Mr. Orth bought a pleasant surprise. The principle she calls a pleasant surprise. Miss Spaulding, has Mr. Baskov been absent all week? Well, yes, six days to be exact. He's had the grip. Not according to the truant officer's report? Why, I didn't even know he was being observed. Well, there's a report in on him, and it recommends Mr. Baskov be expelled from school. Why? It's plain. No, no, no. You're hanging a Linnowson man. Please, Mr. Schoen. Don't be squalding. Just a little while ago, Luigi called me on the telephone. He can straighten the whole thing out when they all come to the Thanksgiving dinner. You mean he hasn't really been ill? No, no, please, let him tell it. I know he was absent from the goodness of that little Venuschnitzel's heart. He wanted to make money to make a dinner for his friend, Pasquale. How can you do anything to a man like that, Mr. Orth? Well, as far as I'm concerned, it's even worse. Right here on the report is the name of the complainant, Mr. Pasquale. Pasquale snitched on Luigi? Oh, so that's who it was. That's life for you. A poor innocent turkey gets its head chopped off, and Pasquale is allowed to walk around for you. Well, it's hard to believe that Mr. Baskov would work to make a party for Mr. Pasquale. It certainly is. Good night, Miss Spaulding. Class? Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night. It's hard to believe Miss Spaulding, but you can always believe the hardest from Luigi. Well, they're not going to the party at all. Well, Pasquale never. Fine Thanksgiving, it will be for Luigi, huh? How about a Pasquale? I'm an Oculus planet. I'm a feeler, terrible. All the time I'm a planet, it's a big party. Now, it's more than an hour. We're wet, and nobody's to come. I tell you why nobody's to come. First of all, the viruses are not to come. And she's afraid that she's going to be embarrassed by the presence of some other female girl. What? That's the right. And you like school, shipmates. Well, they ain't to come with anybody's house who's going to be thrown out of school. What do you mean, Pasquale? Luigi, you've got to put your cards on the table. That's why they say life is like a game of Canazzo. Spades ain't the clubs. The Spades is the trumps. And I'm putting my cards on the table. Just read this letter. Board of Education. Mr. Pasquale. Sir, thank you. Information on Pasco Investigator. Through and through. Principal, I recommend that you be expelled. Expelled, Pasquale, you did this. That's all right. But that's why your friends ain't here. You thought you were going to put one over on me. How will I turn around to the table? No, but why, why, Pasquale, why? Why, I tell you why. Where's Mr. Daisy Jones? Where, in a pie factory. Pie factory? What are you talking about? Sir, you're the one who just started this. Pasquale, I'm a one of the surprise of you with this, the tanks that give in a party. Because you always are making one for me. So, I'm got a job of working the nights in the Daisy Jones Pie Company just to make enough money to give you the pie. Luigi, you mean Daisy Jones and the girl, she's a pie? That's right. All of which I don't deserve to live. Kill me, hang me. Here, take it as a drumstick and beat me to death. Pasquale, Pasquale, what are we going to do? Now I know why nobody's a common. They want to stay away from me. Oh, I was, and I've born a twin, so at least the one of me will have some brains. Oh, Emerald, trust in time. We thought we would get here too late. We would find good, all taken as a gas pipe. Give it to me, I'll take it. Well, you're short. Miss Barling, I'm the one explaining. Mr. Pasquale. That's Mr. Orte, the principal. I wanted to come here and tell you myself. Rules are rules, it's true, but sometimes there are higher things. What would the world be like without a little understanding? Without a little forgiveness. Oddly enough, I investigated the whole thing myself after breakfast. It all started when I said to my wife, honey, this pie tastes like mother used to make. And guess what? What? It turned out to be from the Daisy Jones Pie Company. Here, but the dough's a pie, sir. Is it like a clarence that you can't at all use to make? Luigi, don't start to for shimmer again. Come on, everybody, let's eat. The turkey is getting impatient. Come on, come on, come on. All right, all right, all right. Well, all right, now wait. Well, are we all around the table, huh? Hey, Pasquale, what about you? You, you still want me, Luigi? There's the place of Pasquale. Right up and ahead of the table. Now, and under the plate, you're going to find a Don's Cup. In honor of Thanksgiving, I say Pasquale should get hit over the head with Plymouth Rock. I deserve it. All right, now wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, before we eat, we got to say Grace. Luigi, please sit. Could I say it? Well, that's, that's just what I'm waiting for, Pasquale. Surely you're the guest of honor. Come on, come on, go ahead. Thanks. Well, I want to thank God for this beautiful dinner he's a gift for Sunday's day. I thank him for the turkey, for the bread, the soup, the fruit, and especially, I thank him for this crazy little banana nose sitting here by my side. Luigi. And so, Mamma Mia, I had a wonderful thanks given after all that. The party was a turn out to be a big success. And I'm a little tired, Mamma Mia. But before I'm going to sleep, I want to tell you that a thanks given acts a day to say thanks. And I'm thankful for, for a lot of things. But a biggest thing I'm thankful to is America for taking in your lovely son, Luigi Vasco, the little immigrant. Folks, the makers of Wrigley's Spearman Chewing Gum hope you've enjoyed tonight's episode of Life with Luigi. And they want to remind you that it's a good idea to keep a few packages of Wrigley's Spearman Gum handy around your home. When youngsters want a treat or when friends drop in, just open a pack or two of Wrigley's Spearman and pass it around. Just about everybody enjoys chewing this delicious gum and folks appreciate your thoughtfulness when you offer them a stick. Remember too, Wrigley's Spearman Gum is an inexpensive treat, spreads a lot of enjoyment at a small cost. So for your own enjoyment and for your family and friends, always keep plenty of Wrigley's Spearman Chewing Gum handy. The makers of Wrigley's Spearman Chewing Gum invite you to listen next week at this time when Luigi Vasco writes another letter to his mama Vasco in Italy. Life with Luigi is a Psy Howard production and is directed by Mr. Howard. Mack Benoff writes the script with Lou Dermott. J. Carol Nash is starred as Luigi Vasco with Alan Reed as Pasquale, Hans Conrad as Schultz, Mary Schiff as Miss Balding, Joe Forte as Horowitz, and Ken Peters as Olson. Music is under the direction of Vlad Gluck. Bob Stevenson speaking. This is CBS Columbia broadcasting system.