 I'm Alex Oath, your beauty hope and luster cream shampoo for soft, glamorous, caressible hair. Bring you our Miss Brooks starring Eve Arden. Miss Brooks teaches English at Madison High School. And like many other teachers, started a brand new semester last Monday. And like many other teachers, I attended a faculty meeting Monday afternoon. Here our beloved principal, Osgood Conklin, gave me my semi-annual pat on the back. Then I picked myself up and walked back across the room. And he instituted his new crackdown plan. More discipline, less horseplay, everybody told the line, run the school in an orderly manner. After this merc-provoking monologue, he chewed up a little furniture and stalked out. Well, maybe it was the faculty meeting, or then again, maybe it was the watercress and cucumber sandwich I had before retiring. At any rate, I remember lying in bed Monday night and dozing off, when suddenly I seemed to be awakened by a loud pounding at my door. What is it? Who's there? It is I, Osgood Conklin, your beloved principal. I'm coming in. Mr. Conklin, is anything wrong? Wrong? There's plenty wrong. We've got to crack down. More discipline, less horseplay. Everybody told the line, run the school in an orderly manner. But Mr. Conklin, is this your idea of less horseplay? I was fast asleep. Oh, then I hope I'm not disturbing you. I'll go right on sleeping. Good. Miss Brooks, I've got to talk to you. Well, pull up a cucumber sandwich and sit down. Thank you. Mr. Conklin, you're biting the arm of my chair. Yes, so I am. Sorry, but you know how I get when I'm upset. Now then, Miss Brooks, we've got to have more discipline. Got to have discipline. Got to have discipline. Got to have discipline. You hear me, Miss Brooks? I just heard four of you. You're right. There are four of me. More discipline, Conklin. Less horseplay, Conklin. Toe the line, Conklin. And run the school in an orderly manner, Conklin. I wish I could add just one more. Which one? One piece, Conklin. Enough of these pleasantries, Miss Brooks. As you know, our profession teaches us that we must learn by doing. So, here we go. Everybody up, up, up, up, up. Rise and shine. Leave the sack. Leave the sack? Mr. Conklin, are you telling me to get up now? Miss Brooks, do I have to dump your bed? No, sir, I'm getting up. Now then, setting up exercises. Hands on shoulders. Place. Now touch the floor. One, two. Sound off. Three, four. Open the door. Five, six. Why don't I pick up some sticks and beat him over the head with them? Ah, you're nervous, Miss Brooks. Over or you should get more rest. Oh, now we're on the same side. I'll get to get back in bed and you just fade into the woodwork. That's so fast, young woman. First, we must practice our daily hair treatment. Hands on head. Place. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. How is that, Mr. Conklin? Am I doing it right? Oh, it feels great, Miss Brooks. I should have eight new hairs by Monday. Keep it up. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. Get up, Connie. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. Connie, why are you massaging that pillow? It's got to have eight new hairs by morning. Connie, Connie, wake up. Huh? Oh, oh. Has he gone? Has who gone? Oh. Oh, just forget about it, Mrs. Davis. It isn't important. On the contrary, I think it's intriguing. Has who gone? Please, Mrs. Davis. It was just one of my nightmares. Oh, was it a bad one, dear? It was in Technicolor and Stardasgood Conklin. I spent half the night rehearsing how to get up in the morning. That's why I was so nervous when you woke me. I know how dreams can affect you, dear, but you must put them out of your mind when you wake up. Why, I had some bad dreams last night myself. You did? Yes. I was in a jungle somewhere surrounded by lions and tigers. But if my cat Minerva walked in now, I wouldn't jump up on the chandelier. You must have better control of your nerves than I have. Meow. Ow! See if we need any new bulbs up there, Mrs. Davis. Minerva, where in the world did you come from? Oh, I haven't told her about that yet, Connie. She's only a kitten. Well, you'd better have a little talk with her. She's been running around with a pretty old crowd. Meow. Please, Connie, don't talk that way in front of her. Minerva's very high strung. Yes, I know. Lately, that cat's been as jumpy as a person. Now let's forget about it. You forget about nerves and bad dreams and hurry in for a nice breakfast. I've got a brand new secret recipe for you. A secret recipe, Mrs. Davis? Yes. If I tell you how I'm making your egg this morning, will you keep it under your hat? Well, it may get my hair due a little icky, but I'll try. I'm making you a delicious watercress and cucumber omelet. Oh, no. That's what started my nightmare. Besides, I haven't time to eat breakfast now, Mrs. Davis. Walter Denton's been picking me up any minute. How come Walter's calling for you today? Your car isn't in the repair shop again, is it? No, but I decided not to drive for a while after picking up a couple of hitchhikers last Saturday. But, Connie, why should that discourage you from driving? I picked him up on my bumper. Would you lean over toward my side of the car a little more, please, Miss Brooks? Why, Walter Denton, what have you in mind? Oh, it's nothing personal. I just want to get a good look at you in my rear-view mirror. Yup, it's just as I thought. You look harassed, harassed and bedeviled, but lovely. Well, thank you, Walter, sort of. Especially your eyes, even though there are a few temporary crow's feet caused by worry in the corners. They're just huddling together for warmth. But, Walter, to what do I owe these backhanded gallantries? Yeah, I was afraid you might take exception to my frankness, but I mean it all for your own good, Miss Brooks. If I have been less valuable concerning your obvious charms in the past, no, too, that I have been less valuable about the human frailties, which you, like all mankind, have sometimes fallen heir to. Except then, my plea for leniency. I'll grant you a full pardon if you'll tell me what you're talking about. Of course. Sometimes I get carried away by my own words. You just used enough of them to carry away Sydney Green Street. Just what are you trying to wheedle out of me, Walter? Well, now that you mention it, there is something you can do to help both of us out. I thought so. What is it? It's like this. Since this is a new term, you, like several of the other teachers, will be assigned to the stock room during your free period to take inventory and give out supplies. I see. And what does my good friend Raffles have in mind? We split a carload of pencils and retire? Oh, no, Miss Brooks. My motives are purely altruistic. I merely want to assist an already overburdened teacher whose heart and spirit are big and willing, but whose mind and body may not long stand the strain put upon it by the forthcoming scholastic hassle. Walter, if Olivia de Havilland gets the Academy Award, you was robbed. Now, come clean. What's your cut in the projected Madison High School stock room swindle? Cut? Oh, Miss Brooks, I'm surprised at you. Surprised and chagrined. Oh, when I think of your sense of integrity, your honesty... Please, Walter, if you polish this apple anymore, it'll be too slippery to pick up. Now, come to the point, Walter. Well, whoever helps out in the stock room gets first choice of the textbooks, right? Right. And you want to help me so you can get yourself the brand-new books. Nice and clean, right? Wrong. I want the old ones where the answer's already penciled in. Ah! Now, why did I not slip out? Oh, but you can see it my way, can't you? Sometimes in the impenetrable forest of education, the path is easier seen if someone has cleared the underbrush. But you're asking for a free ride on the bulldozer. Don't you think it would be better if you relied on your own work, Walter? After all, with an old book, you could be copying somebody else's mistakes. Anybody's mistakes are better than mine. Well, if you put it that way, Walter. Gee, thanks, Miss Brooks. Well, here we are. Thanks for the lift, Walter. I'll run along in now. Gosh, Miss Brooks, didn't you see that mud puddle? Of course I did. I just thought it might be fun to go wading. Well, can I help you scrape off the mud? Well, I have in time now. If I can just sneak by Mr. Conklin's office, I'll clean up when I get to my room. But suppose you can't sneak by his office? That, Walter, I refuse to Conklin plate. Believe me, if Mr. Conklin sees me tripping through the hall on these two lumps of mud, my name will be shoes. Pardon will continue in just a moment, but first, here is Vern Smith. Regardless of age, skin type, or previous beauty care, doctors prove you two may win a lovelier complexion with palm olive soap. But to win this lovelier complexion, you must stop improper cleansing. Instead, use palm olive the way doctors advise. Thirty-six doctors, leading skin specialists, advised using palm olive soap this way for 1,285 women with all types of skin. Young, old, dry, oily, normal. And using palm olive soap alone, nothing but palm olive. Two out of three won lovelier complexions. Oily skin looked less oily. Dull, drab skin wonderfully brighter. Course-looking skin appeared finer. Even tiny blemishes incipient blackheads disappeared or improved. Now here's what the doctors advised. Wash your face with palm olive soap three times a day. Massage with palm olive's wonderful beauty lather for 60 seconds each time to get its full, beautifying effect. Then rinse. Look for improvement in your complexion within 14 days. For doctors prove this way using palm olive alone really works. So forget all other beauty care. Get palm olive soap and start today to win a lovelier complexion. For loveliness all over, use big, thrifty bath sides palm olive in your tub or shower. While our Miss Brooks is quietly sloshing down the corridor under muddy pumps, let's look in on Mr. Conklin, Madison's beloved principal, and adjust our wavelength to his stream of consciousness. So we come to the start of another school day. A nice muggy one at that. As if I needed bad weather to make me irritable. The teachers in this school have simply got... Now who's that tracking her dirty shoes through our hallowed halls? Think she's going to sneak past my office, does she? Well, we'll just wait till she's even with the door. And then... Hold! Who goes there? You, Mr. Conklin. How are things in the principal's office? Fine, thank you. How are things in the other glades? Just take those shoes off and step in here for a moment, Miss Brooks. I want to talk to you. Yes, sir. Do you by any chance remember what I told the faculty at the meeting yesterday? Oh, certainly, Mr. Conklin. I've been going over it in my mind all night. Remember? Remember? Of course, I remember what was discussed at the meeting. The question is, do you? Oh, indeed I do, Mr. Conklin, every word. There's no more horse play and less discipline. What's that? I mean, we've got to crack up. Crack down. I won't have a repetition of last term's lack of discipline. There's only one way to run a school, and that's in an orderly manner. Exactly. Naturally, I need the cooperation of my staff. Hence, everybody's got to toe the line. Eh, yeah. There's no reason why things shouldn't go off like clockwork. One, two... Sound off! Sorry, Mr. Conklin. It's just that I spent a rather restless night. In fact, we both did. I'm still a bit upset. Well, there's nothing like concentrating on one's work to settle one's nerves. When is your first free period? Right after lunch. I figured I'd get a good rest then. I think not, Miss Brooks. I penciled you in for the stock room at that time. Well, I have a lot of erasers in there. Maybe we could rub me out. No, I guess not. We are extremely short of supplies, Miss Brooks, so I want you to check every requisition very carefully before handing them out. And if for any reason you have to leave the stock room, you know what to do? Raise my hand. You locked the door. Is that clear? Yes, Mr. Conklin, I locked the door. Well, I'll be running along now. One moment, Miss Brooks. Haven't you forgotten something? Oh, yes. Rub two, three, four. Miss Brooks, get your fingers out of my head. It would never get here, Mr. Boyden. Oh, me either. I'm starved. I'll just put our tray down and sit opposite you. There. Now, it's funny how we happen to bump into each other at the entrance of the cafeteria. Quite a coincidence. Yes, it was. Of course, I had to run a little. But I think it's nice to have someone take you to lunch, don't you? Yes, I do, Miss Brooks. It was grand of you to ask me. Would you mind passing my soup over, please? Here you are, Mr. Boyden. Nothing like a good hot plate of soup to warm you up. I said that laboratory of mine's like an igloo, even my hands are freezing. Let's feel them. Hey, they are cold. Yours are nice and warm. How'd they get that way? I had them in your soup. You know, it's a shame we don't have a better heating system in this school, especially in the biology lab with all those little mice and rabbits and students. You're right, Miss Brooks. I was talking to Mr. Jensen, the janitor about it, and he's promised to speak to Mr. Conklin and get him to inspect the system himself. You see, I have a lot of electrical appliances in the lab now, but none of them give off much heat. I've got to have another outlet if I'm to attach any other... Excuse me, Mr. Boyden. Hi, Miss Brooks. Hello, Walter. We better be getting down to the stock room. I don't want you to get nervous when the requisitions start pouring in. The books where the answers in them start pouring out, huh? Well, all right, Walter. We might as well get going. Will you excuse me, Mr. Boyden? Sure, Miss Brooks, and even though you asked me to lunch, I don't want you to worry about the check. Oh, well, that's very nice of you. I'll pay my own, Miss Brooks. You just take care of yours. Well, the worst part of the supply rush is over, Miss Brooks, and now we can sort of take inventory of the surplus stuff that we can use. That is, you can use for your class. Like what, Walter? Old paper, pencils, staplers. They bring 40 to 50 cents on the outside, and I really need one for my schoolwork, and then there are ink wells, paper clips. This stock room is only two doors from your room, Miss Brooks. Why don't I get an armful of stuff and stash it away under your desk right now? Walter, I am an English teacher, not a fence. There's no such thing as surplus in the school system. Everything has to be requisitioned. Wait a minute. What's this? Well, that's an electric heater, Miss Brooks. An electric heater? Well, that's just what Mr. Boyne needs for his lab. I know what, I'll hook it up right now and surprise him. But what about a requisition? Walter, can I trust you? Well, you know you can, Miss Brooks. Of course, and I do. So if you'll keep quiet about this heater, I'll get you a requisition for a brand new stapler. Gee, that's swell of you, Miss Brooks. Now I can take this one out of the lining of my jacket. Well, Harriet, where's the heater I sent you for? It wasn't there, Daddy. It looked all over the stock room, but there wasn't a trace of it. Did you ask Miss Brooks about it? Miss Brooks wasn't there. Nobody was there. And the door was open? No wonder my heater's missing. I distinctly told her to now. Come in. Excuse me, Mr. Conklin, but I've got to talk to you right away. Oh, hello, Mr. Jensen. Hello, Harriet. I better be going now, Daddy. I've got a class in a few minutes. All right, Harriet. Now what is it, Jensen? I'm rather busy right now. Oh, this is important, sir. As Custonian of the building, I feel it's my duty. You feel what is your duty? To tell you, sir. To tell me what? Please, Mr. Conklin, don't shout. That's one of the reasons. That's one of the reasons for what? For your high blood pressure. Now, when I was your age... Never mind that now. What do you want to see me about? A biological laboratory. The furnace vent isn't large enough to heat that big room. It's so cold in there, Mr. Boynton's had to put earmuffs on the rabbits. We've got to build another outlet. Outlets cost money, Jensen. We'll requisition another heater. Meanwhile, I've got to find the one that I sent. When you've got to put earmuffs on rabbits, brother, you're in trouble. Otherwise, if an electric heater is hooked onto the present wiring set up, it can cause a short. Well, tell me about it another time. And even worse than a short, Mr. Conklin, it might start a fire. I don't like to censure you, Mr. Jensen, but you are an alarmist. Yes, sir. I'm going down to that stock room and wait in back of it for Miss Brooks to return. I'll teach her to leave doors open. I'm glad we set up the heater in here before Mr. Boynton came back, Walter. Yeah, he'll sure be surprised, I bet. Come on, Miss Brooks. Oh, there's the next class. I've got you in English this period. That's a coincidence, Walter. I've got you too. Oh, Walter, here's the stock room and the door is still ajar. Didn't you lock it when we left? No, I thought you did. Give me that key. There. Mr. Conklin would have a fit if he found this door open. All right, class. Your next question is as follows. In the Mill on the Floss, George Eliot writes about a gentleman who is often compared with a gentleman in Silas Marner. Who is that gentleman? Are you talking about a fictional gentleman or George Eliot himself? Himself. Walter, it happens that she wasn't exactly a gentleman. So what? He was a darn good writer. Next question. Goodness, that heating system is really noisy. It's coming out of the vent here. What? Quiet a minute. Let me listen. What time's the break set for? He was going to inspect the heating system. He's probably just stuck in a pipe somewhere. In a pipe somewhere? Oh, I'll go call the fire department. Harriet, you stay here and chat with your father. Long for a fire drill. I heard you calling the fire department. Oh, but that's not for a fire. Mr. Conklin's stuck in a pipe somewhere, and I just called the department to get him out. Well, most of the kids are out in the street by now. I'd better go keep him in line. A little expert preparedness won't hurt any. Stuck in a pipe. Oh, I'd better get back to my own room now. Uh-oh. Here come the firemen. Yeah, where's the fire? Right this way, chief. Come on, men. You see, it's just that somebody's caught in a pipe. Caught in a pipe? For this, I left a hand with a hundred aces and a double P-knuckle in it? No. Well, where is he? Well, he was coming in over this vent here very clearly. All right, let's get at this thing with our picks, man. See, now, didn't Miss Brooks give me back the key? Oh, yeah. Here it is. Walls are denting. Can I lay this crime at your door? No, sir, two doors down. But we heard you. You yell, get me out of here if you're not stuck in here. I was locked in the stock room. Obviously, this heat event connects to the vent in there and as any idiot could figure out, well, how does any idiot get himself locked in the stock room? I've had enough abuse from the fire department. Yes, we've had enough abuse from the fire department. Quiet, Miss Brooks. Now then, firemen, please remove your pickaxe from the school woodwork. Well, you needn't get so huffy. Only makes a little hole. Here, I'll take it out. We needed a larger classroom. Now then, Miss Brooks, I want some explanations and I want them fast. Yes, sir. Who locked me in the storeroom? Where are all the students? Who called the fire department? That's what I'd like to know. Don't you realize that these false alarms cost the city money? Now we're going to pack all our stuff up. I'm going to rod you fireman standing around for a while. Why don't you do something? Relax, Mr. Boyden. Mr. Conklin's out now. There's nothing left to do. Nothing left to do but my lab is on fire. What? That's more like it! Come on, man! That leaves just you and me. You and me and one more question. What's that, Mr. Conklin? Don't you happen to run across an electric heater in the storeroom? Yes, I did. And did you happen to connect it anywhere? Like Mr. Boyden's laboratory, for instance? Yes, I did. Ah, funny thing about that. I was told by Mr. Jensen just this morning that another electrical appliance on that circuit would cause a fire. Now, you've got to be punished, Ms. Brooks. Can you hear me? You've got... Cold shower. This is the longest nightmare I've ever had. A beautiful luster cream, girl. Tonight, show him how much lovelier your hair can look after a luster cream shampoo. Only luster cream brings you K. Dumas magic formula blend of secret ingredients plus gentle lanolin. Gives loveliness lather, even in hardest water. Glamourizes your hair as you wash it. Luster cream. Not a soap, not a liquid, but a dainty cream shampoo. Leaves hair frequently clean, free of loose dandruff, glistening with sheen, soft, manageable. Gives new beauty to all hairdos or permanence. Four ounce jar, $1. Smaller sizes, either tubes or jars. Tonight, try luster cream shampoo and be a... Dream girl, dream girl, beautiful luster cream girl. You owe your crowning glory to a luster cream shampoo. And now, once again, here is our Ms. Brooks. Well, it wasn't much of a fire, and as soon as they put it out, one of the firemen got a hook and ladder, climbed up, and brought Mr. Conklin's blood pressure down. When he was slightly more rational, he called me into his office again. Ms. Brooks, since Mr. Boynton failed to remind me about the electric hazard in the biology laboratory, I have decided that he is almost as guilty as you are. Oh, but Mr. Conklin, he didn't... Silence. You, Ms. Brooks, will stay after school and help Mr. Boynton clean up the debris those firemen left behind. I don't care if it keeps you both here all evening. Mr. Conklin, is that my punishment for starting the fire? Exactly. Got a match? Neither our Ms. Brooks, though, brought to you by Carmoni Colt, your beauty hope, and luster cream shampoo for thought glamorous, caressable hair. Our Ms. Brooks, starring Eve Arden, is produced by Larry Burns, written and directed by Al Lewis with music by Wilbur Hedge. 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