 Craft presents the Great Gilder Slave The craftsees company who also bring you Bing Crosby every Thursday night present each week at this time Harold Harry is the Great Gilder Slave written by Leonard L. Now let's visit our friend the Great Gilder Slave who's at the bundles for blue jackets bizarre Preparing to do his bit by acting as the barter at the booth where the pretty girls are going to sell kisses So this is my booth a you know Marjorie. I think it's going to be fun selling kisses Uncle Mark isn't going to do the kissing Lee Roy. I thought I was wrong about that. They're going to be a dozen beautiful young ladies do the work Lee Roy incidentally Marjorie do be a good salesman a fellow. I should know about what he's talking about you know now don't you think there's a No, I guess free samples are out Yeah. Why spend a buck for a wet smacker and it can get just as daffy on a dime for a taffy. You know what the more that wasn't a bad idea of Lee Roy about you kissing any of the ladies we could charge a dollar a piece. No my dear. Because I'd pay a dollar myself not to kiss the type of woman would pay a dollar to kiss me. Oh Miss Marjorie I got you lemonade stand all fixed up for you but if we get the big crowd I don't think three lemon is going to be enough. You better get some more birdie they're going to open the doors in about an hour and we're taking a lot of people know yes all the gentlemen in town want to patronize Mr. Gilles leaves off to Lation Station. Yes they do. Yes they'll be buzzing on that kiss booth till they're poor girls are all puking out. And all the ladies won't line up with that yogi man sent to have their fortunes told oh you mean you're going to go Mahondra Oh penny banks met him in New York and he's marvelous. We're counting on him with our main attraction. Oh there's penny oh penny. I just had the most terrible news I don't know what to do yogi swam Mahondra's missed his plane connections and won't be here in time. Fine fortune teller. Why didn't he look in his crystal ball see that he was going to miss the plane and then see that he didn't. We've depended on the yogi is our big money maker. Why don't you get a substitute. Leroy do you think that yogi's grow on bushes. I don't know what is a yogi yogi is a man who tells you about your past and future for a present. If any isn't there any other one floating around who can pinch it for this man I don't know why don't you get somebody to dress up and play the part of Mr. Gildersley that would be deceiving the people what do you think those fortune tellers do they look in a crystal ball they don't see any newsreel you know. Sure all you need is a smooth talker with a gift a gap like Uncle Mort here yeah no wait a minute young man yes uncle if you are a costume and make up in a beer people would still recognize me know you could get away with it it's dark in that tent but I wouldn't know what to say we could help you by giving you the low down on the customer low down but suppose they got the low down on me they wouldn't if you changed your voice I'll say yes Oh how am I getting myself into I'm no fortune teller and something tells me that instead of being in front of a crystal ball I'm going to find myself behind an eight ball. Costume places three blocks down the street I know LeRoy but read the sign Oh have your past present and future revealed by a famous gypsy physique. If that's like it LeRoy. Madame Rosalie the gypsy who reveals all the gypsy Rosalie I've heard of her. LeRoy that's another one I thought maybe I could pick up a few pointers on how to go about this fortune telling business from this woman. No LeRoy you'll have to wait here I'll be right back. You have come to consult Madame Rosalie the great series who sees everything knows everything and tells everybody. Why yes that is if she isn't busy I shall look in the crystal ball and see no I am not. I see it's you are you're free. No it will be necessary to cross my palm with. Yes of course how much one dollar for three questions I passed the present and the future I'd let me see. Give it here quick if you don't grab. Thank you now sit down and look deep into crystal ball. I'm looking at what next. Excuse me would you mind repeating that. That's what I thought you said. I'll have to remember that. What does it mean I am calling on the spirit of my forefathers they must have been tobacco auctioneers. Well go right ahead madam first for the past I see not long ago trouble. There was smoke a dark cloud behind you. Oh yes birdie burned the toast at breakfast very good. Madame Rosalie she never failed and now for the present. You get into trouble because of man. What kind of a man is dark also have it does he have a black moustache. With black moustache he gets you in trouble you know him. Yeah that's me I'm my own worst enemy. Now what about the future soon you will have lost if not careful loss crystal ball say. Terrow ugly do or a blasto mix or blasto. What does that mean watch out. Well thank you very much is that all. Unless you wish to ask the two dollar question. I don't think I'll have the time let me see how late it is. My George what did I do with my watch. I had the time. See here madam where's my watch. How should I be knowing I thought you knew everything I do not bother with trifles. It was an eighty dollar watch. Are you accusing me yes either I get my watch back or say I'll bet you put it in that drawer. No you keep out of that is that so I'm going to have a look. You stop that is not your business. What's this madam you've got enough watches here to start a hot shop. And here's mine. Well thank you I guess I'll go. You you have to be more grand or save up a nigga from me. What does that mean no no don't answer that. Don't take any wooden watches not for you Joe. A debutant. Oh well hey come on Leroy. I'll say I did when a gypsy says watch out she means you're going to be out of watch. What do you mean you see this gold timepiece of mine. Well that gypsy tried to oh my goodness Leroy this isn't my timepiece at all. Wait a minute. I'm going back to get my watch and that gypsy woman. What do you mean how do you know. You laid it down on the dining room table at lunchtime and left home without it. This is a fine mess. The bizarre is in full blast and not so fast. Is everything all right with my costume. How about the turban your laundry Mark showing. That's better thanks how about this beard. Your best friends won't tell you from a Hindu I mean. There's Penny and Marjorie and Bertie. Let's see if we can pull up on you pretend I'm the real Yogi. This gentleman was outside and said he wanted to see you. This is Miss Banks Mr Yogi. Greetings. A thousand patterns if I'm late. You look cute. I'll never get away with it. Yes you can. You look just like you stepped out of Kipling. That's right. Kipling all his life. People are waiting. Now here's what we'll do. Marj you sell tickets. And buddy you and I all spot the customers until Leroy their names and all about. Yes ma'am I know the low down on the high up. And then we were you go down to the back of the tent. There's a hole there and you whisper the information to your uncle. Well how I know when Leroy is there. I'm not free time on a canvas tent that's like knocking on a wet sponge. How about whistling something that's a good idea. How about something boogie woogie. Nobody spare me the hot legs. Why not something Indian. Oh not by the waters of the mini tank. No Marjorie East Indian like. The pale hands I love beside the Salimar. You rather hear deep in the heart of Texas. No Leroy pale hands not clap hands. That should be easy to remember. Just look at your hands. Just look at your hands. You better wash them they're not pale enough. People are waiting. You better go in the tent and get started. I'm getting cold feet. Just hold them up underneath you and sit on them uncle. Now here you go. All right if you insist. Leroy what did you call me. You're lucky a turbine off. Oh yes of course I thought you will never mind what I thought you said. Get comfortable in there on some more. All right whenever you're ready just shoot the goals to me gals. Now let me see. How do you do this. Hot McGilders leave. Must be read to start. This must be it. Is that you Leroy and Carmen Lombardo. Get set now you're about to tell your first fortune. Believe me I'd give a fortune to get out of here. Who is it some man that none of us know. This is going to be one of my bad days. Can't you stall him off. They tried but no so you got to take him first. Well I'll do my best. How do I look your laundry markers showing again. Get back to here. I wish I had a mirror in here. You see things in salutations. So you have come to consult your gift. If he knew of the Hindu mystics. No. You didn't. Oh well then. Then why did you come here. To ask you about Alice Higgins and Mrs. Belmont diversity and Marie King. What about them. As if you didn't know if I do Come, come, sir. If you care to gaze in the crystal ball, maybe I can locate these people. They sent me to locate you, Andrews. Andrews? You are making some mistake. Yes, I am the yogi Swamahandra. Sure, sure, I know that. Yogi Swamahandra, Ilias William Andrews, Ilias Walter Bunker, Ilias Louis the Frost, Ilias Pete Brown. Who, me? Yes. And you take a Lieutenant Quinn from Chicago where you wanted to jump a bail on Bunko charges. What? You're also wanted and I hope you're obtaining money out of false pretenses in Baton Rouge for running a confidence game and in Florida for selling rubber plants guaranteed to grow white sidewall tires. We'll hear from the Great Gilder Sleeve again in just a moment. Meantime, you mothers and wives of party eaters, does the way your food budget is going up ever get you down? If so, have you ever thought of serving parquet margarine made by craft? Because using parquet margarine is one sure way to economize and please your family too. You see, parquet margarine is different from the margarine you may have tried a few years back. Parquet is the delicious wholesome margarine that's made by craft. And like all the famous craft foods, it's mighty good tasting. But there's no need to take my word for it. Parquet costs so little, why not buy a pound tomorrow and try parquet yourself? I'll let you agree, parquet's delicate appetizing flavor is pretty hard to beat. Then too, parquet margarine is a nourishing wholesome food. It's one of the best energy foods you can serve and to make it even better for you, craft adds vitamin A to parquet margarine. 9,000 units to every pound. So give the food budget a break. Order delicious parquet margarine tomorrow. Yes, ask your dealer for parquet, P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet, the delicious margarine made by craft. Now back to the great Gildersleeve who suddenly found himself a much-wanted man by the police of half a dozen cities. Hold it, hold it, hold it, quiet, please. Quietly, Roy. And I care what you people say. I came here to grab the yogi and he's going back to place trial. Officer, you're making a mistake. This is my uncle, Mr. Gildersleeve. Yes, drop Morton P. Gildersleeve. Boy, that's a phony alias if I ever heard one. See, you can see he isn't a yogi. Take your beard off again, uncle. Never mind, never mind. I know he's a fake yogi. His real name is Willie Andrews and he's known as Willie the Tub. Yep. I am not a tub. It's just the way this coke buttons. Yeah, I knew that when I started to fool folks I'd get into trouble. My mama done told me. And then, Queen, if you take him away now, bundles for blue jackets will lose a lot of money. Why don't you wait till we close down tonight? Well, okay, miss, okay. I'll let this graph to operate for the balance of the show, but I'll be on guard right outside the tent. Is that understood? Excuse me. Do you mind if I go home? I'm expecting a bad headache. Now, you stay right here, Uncle Morton. Don't worry. We're going to get this all straightened out before the bizarre closes, Mr. Gildersleeve. Come on, let's let the yogi get to work. Come on, Lieutenant. Come on, Marjorie. Leave right. Okay, I'm coming. Take it easy, Uncle Morton. Remember, keep it stiff up or turban. If... How can I? How can I? I've been in hot water ever since I put on this Turkish towel. We'll get you out of this, Uncle, if it takes us years. Yeah, it looks like it will, too. Remember, Willie. No tricks now. Oh, here we go again. Yes, Leroy. Who is it this time? The district attorney? You're getting warm, Uncle. It's your old pal, Judge Hooker. What? Oh, well, that old crab wants his fortune told. This is the first pleasant thing that's happened to me all day. All right, Leroy. Go on, go on, go on. Have your hand read? No, Sahib. The yogi, he does not work by the hand. He's the crystal ball player. Please take a seat down, Judge. Judge? Say, how do you know I'm a judge? You're speaking the yogi swamahandra, queen of the Hindu mystics. The great sutseer who sees all, knows all, and tells a little. Well, that was certainly good, guessing my profession. Is not necessary for me to gas, Judge Hooker. What? I know. Now it will be necessary to cross my palm with silver. But I paid my dollar outside. I have no contact with the outside. That is separate business. The silver, please, in form of a five-dollar bill. I will not. No, sir, I will not. How about that five-dollar bill you wanted poker last night? Say, how did you know that? Shh, don't worry. I shall not tell a soul you were supposed to draw one card, and you picked up two. Thank you very much, Sahib. Now look deep into the crystal ball. Hey, hey, hey, what are you doing? I'm calling on the spirit of my forefathers. But if you're going to tell my fortune, why don't you call on my forefathers? Because, Sahib, I cannot bark. Watch that. Hey, silence, please. I am gazing into your past. It is mighty murky. Well, what do you see? I see you have a friend. A dark man with mustache. Is he a fat fellow? No, not fat. Maybe a little plump. But on him, he's look good. He's handsome dog, no? I wouldn't call him handsome, but he's a dog all right. Enough. You are always abusing this friend fellow, giving him the hot food in his soul. That is bad. For you, I mean. You think so? Yes. We die. He said in my native tongue, I need that I will do the contestor come and ask you, Roka. So blessed to make. Is that so? Say, what does it mean? It mean be good to gilder sleeves or he give you coughing around. Say, you're a whiz. I'd like to put you to one last test, though. This is a hard one. What's this friend's first name? I know it as well as I know my own. He's a Throckmorton bee. That's absolutely right. Say, Yogi, elections are coming up pretty soon. Can you tell me if I'm going to win again? Let me look in the crystal ball. I can see the day of election. You can? There are lots of voters in and out all day long. Yes, yes, yes. Now it is late. Twilight. They close the polls. I see. And then? They're counting the votes. Yes, yes, go on. He's getting dark. They're adding up total. I see. Well, what is it? I think I see. And no, I can't. What's wrong? What's the trouble? He's so dark, I cannot read the results. Leroy, stop yelling, Uncle. Hi, George, I'm ready to yell, Uncle, myself. I'm told about more fortunes this afternoon than Dunn and Bradstreet. Oh, cheer up, Uncle Mort. The next one is the last before dinner. Well, all right. Who is it now? Mrs. Salisbury Twitchell. You, that mildewed old scorpion. Yeah, you know all about her. I bet it does now. Yeah, I hope I can hold out. Uh, Madam, Yogi Swamihandra welcomes you. First of all, Mr. Swamih, or Yogi, or whatever you are, I want you to know that I don't believe in any of this nonsense. Of course not, Mrs. Salisbury Twitchell. Oh, you know my name. Who told you? I am Yogi Swamihandra. I know everything. Well, I wager that you don't know everything. What was my maiden name? Excuse me, I got to look in the crystal ball. With this ball, I can even look that far back. Oh, I got it. Madam, before you were married, your name used to be McGillum Cody, a babe McGillum Cody. All right, that's enough. You don't need to go on. Your father, she had farm, raised tornips. Oh, now that's what you're wrong. They were beets. Excuse me, but beets look like tornips because this is not Technicolor crystal ball. I see many interesting things in your past, Madam. Shall I tell you? Oh, no, no. You know them, and so do I, so why bother? You have led very interesting life, Madam. Would make wonderful movie. Do you think so, Yogi? Sure. With title, how green was my Mr. Twitchell. Tell me, Madam, you still do not believe in my powers? No, I've changed my mind. You're positively uncanny. Now, sir, I have a number of problems and I need your advice. Suppose I tell you all about them. Some other time, Mrs. Twitchell, now I got to go eat dinner. Oh, of course. Why don't you come out to my house? What? Oh, no, I got to relax. And besides, I've already promised Miss Forrester I got to have dinner at her house. Oh, but I must talk to you some more. I know what. Oh, Marjorie. Yeah, what do you do? Anyone call me? Yes, my dear. I've become so fascinated with the Yogi that I've insisted on his coming to dinner at my place. You must come, too, and bring your little brother and that uncle of yours, Mr. Guildersleeve. Not him, not Guildersleeve. If he comes along, I'll not be there. Oh, Yogi, I'm getting to like you more every minute. Very well. Let's get out of this tent and my car is at the curb. Looks like we're stuck, Uncle. I've got reading out of my hand, Marjorie. Mrs. Twitchel. Yeah, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Where do you think you're going? I'm going out to dinner. Not without me, you ain't. Oh, Yogi, who is this gentleman? Who? Oh, this. This is Mr. Queen. He's trying to get me to do some work for the state. You might as well invite him to dinner, too, because he's going to come along anyway. Now, Yogi, tell me something about India. India? Sure, Yogi, go ahead. You're an old Indian faker. I am Indian fakir. Well, there's no difference between the two, is there? No more than between a flat foot and a flat head. I'm Mr. Uncle Mort, what I said. Libro, I finish a spinach. Oh, gee, I bet they don't eat spinach in India, do they, Yogi? Da, where I come from, they stuff children with spinach so they can't talk at dinnertime. Oh, that reminds me, I've been meaning to ask. What part of India did you come from, Yogi? Eh, all of me. No, no, I mean, where were you born? Oh, born, now I grab you. Where was I born? Eh, in my papa's house. My mama done told me. Well, I think it's time for me to return to the bazaar. Let me see. He's already 15 minutes coming to 8 o'clock. Oh, what a beautiful gold watch. Why did you get it, Yogi? It was given to me by Gypsy's woman. She thought I was fellow named Joe. I must remember to mail it back to her. Excuse me, Yogi. Yes? Your beard is coming off. Oh, my goodness. How's that? It's crooked. It points off to the left. Oh, how's it now? Any better? Yeah, but we better get out of here before it falls into your finger hole. Oh, okay. I'm sorry, Mrs. Twitchell, but now I must make the grand scram. Yes, and after we finish this tonight, we've got to go on a little trip, don't we, Yogi? Oh, well, aren't you staying in town for a few days? No, no, we have a little legal business to attend to in Chicago. Yes. Oh, that's too bad. Madame Twitchell, you said a mouseful. Well, take good care of the Yogi on the trip. Oh, sure. I won't let him out of my sight. In fact, I'm going to simply attach myself to him. Oh, holy catfish. Uh, what did you say, Yogi? Nothing, nothing, Madame. I was only praying to the holy catfish of the Ganges River. Goodbye, Mrs. Twitchell. Come on, everybody. This is over pretty soon. I'm plenty tired of tenting tonight on the old campground. Is that you, Leroy? No, sir. This is Birdie. What are you doing whistling pale hands? Where's Leroy? It's late. He's gone home, and I'm on the swing ship. Oh, I see. Well, who's next, Birdie? There's a big gentleman with a dull red gleam in his eyes. Huh? Y'all been telling some wife or husband a philanthropist? Birdie, I've told so many different people so many different stories. I don't know what I said. I'd better get out of here. Birdie, you go out and stall him a little while, huh? Okay, but he ain't the type to stall good. Oh, if I can crawl under the back of this tent and sneak out before that nosy detective from Chicago discovers that... Hello, Lieutenant Quinn. What are you doing here? Get back in there, tubby, before I take you to Chicago in a box. Yes, sir. I was only after a breath of fresh air. You don't have to crawl out on your hands and knees after it. I'll get back in there, Willie. All right, and stop calling me Willie. Oh, man. Excuse me. But are you the man who calls himself Yogi Svamahandra? Eh, duh. Have you got an appointment? No, I haven't. Then I can't reach your fortune there. Okay, then I will read yours. Take a good look in the crystal ball, Yogi. What do you see? I see nothing. Well, I see something. I can see you tomorrow morning. You are waking up in a hospital bed. What? Your jaw fractured, both of your eyes are black, your nose is in splints, and your ribs are barbecued. Oh, my goodness. What are you talking about? And my predictions come through, my friend, and I'll make sure. Now, wait a minute. Who are you? I just got into town on a late plane, and I find my reputation is ruined, and you've done it. You take care. I am the real Yogi Svamahandra. Oh, you are. Well, I'm certainly glad to meet you. No, you won't be. I'm going to give your face a retret job. No, you don't. You keep waiting for me. Oh, Mr. Quinn, oh, Mr. Quinn. Hey, what's the idea? Now, what are you up to? Grab that man. There's your real Yogi. He's your duty officer. Hey, come back here and fight. Eh, not to you, Joseph. The great guilty slave will be with us again in a few minutes. But first, are those lentin meals becoming a problem to you, homemakers? I mean, are you finding it hard to make them as tasty and appetizing as your regular meals? Well, if you do, here's a hint that may be mighty helpful. Yes, it's this. You can add rich extra flavor to all kinds of dishes by using plenty of parquet margarine, made by Kraft. You see, the delicate tempting flavor that makes parquet margarine a favorite spread for bread makes it grand for cooking, too. Parquet margarine is swell, melted over hot vegetables. It's a real flavor shortening that adds delicate extra flavor to cookies and cakes and pie crust. Parquet makes pan-fried food tastier because it tastes so good itself. In fact, parquet margarine adds extra flavor to all kinds of dishes. And the extra zest that makes your family ask for more. Best of all, using lots of parquet margarine is no extravagant. When you find how little it costs, you'll certainly agree to that. And remember, parquet margarine is a highly nutritious energy food that's a reliable year-round food source of important vitamin A. So, right now, put delicious parquet margarine at the top of tomorrow's shopping list. Remember, it's parquet, P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet, the margarine that's made by Kraft. There we were, Judge. Me and Willie the Tub locked in Mortal Kombat. But I subdued him by sheer brute strength. Well, seeing what you've done, I guess I'll have to forgive you for tricking me, Gildersleeve. Say, I just remembered, what did you do with my five bucks? Oh, that. I did the best thing possible with it, Judge. I've given it to the American Red Cross. I hope everyone who's listening in will find an extra five spot to turn over to the Red Cross this week. Like I did. It's like you did, Judge. Good night. Judge Gildersleeve has come here from Hollywood.