 Narcissistic parents teach you to self-hate. Welcome to the video, please like, comment, share and subscribe. If you would like to make a donation, please click the doorless icon in the live chat. All donations are greatly appreciated, no matter how small. You can also donate from my PayPal, the link is in the video description. If you are interested in a one-on-one coaching session with me, Narx Viva, please send me an email. My email address is also in the video description. You might be a child of a narcissistic parent, or you could be co-parenting a child with a narcissist. I believe that this video will resonate with what you have experienced, and it will help you to understand why you or your child is experiencing self-hate. Self-hate comes from childhood abuse, neglect, traumatic events, social conditioning, media influence or peer pressure. You are allowing external sources to validate you and define your worth. Many of us are trying to achieve self-love, and there is a reason why it says self at the beginning. Self-love means that you are proof of yourself, you validate yourself, and it does not mean that you are perfect. It means that you accept your flaws and imperfections, even if no one else does. Self-hate is one of the most damaging emotions, and this has passed down from an narcissistic or toxic parent to their child. No one is born with a feeling of self-hate. This is a learned emotion, which is taught to the child by the parent. As the child gets older, it creates an inner dialogue, or an inner critic, which only gets stronger and stronger. Self-hate is programmed into the child, through constant criticisms and put downs. The narcissistic parent will criticise the way the child walks or talks. They will criticise their choice of clothing, or the way they like to do their hair. They will criticise anything the child likes to do, anywhere they like to go, or anyone they like to see. Narcissistic parents can find something negative, even in the most positive of things. Any act of self-love will be criticised by the narcissistic parent, so that the child assumes that they are not worthy or deserving of being loved by anyone, not even themselves. Even the child tries to practise any form of self-care or self-love. This will be criticised by the narcissistic parent, and the child will be put down. I remember when I was a child. If I was brushed my teeth, the narcissistic parent would make a negative comment about my teeth. If I was styling my hair, the narcissistic parent would make a negative comment about my hair. If I was even locking in the mirror at myself, my appearance would be criticised. This trained me over time to feel bad whenever I did those things, and to feel as though I am not worthy or deserving of practising any form of self-care or self-love. Even to this day, if the narcissistic parent catches me locking in the mirror, styling my hair, shaving or brushing my teeth, I feel as though I am doing something wrong. I feel ashamed, like I am not supposed to be taking care of myself. I am not supposed to be accepting of my appearance. If the child tries to start a new hobby or interest, they will be criticised and put down by the narcissistic parent. They will be told that they are not good enough, or they are not going to be the best at that hobby or interest. So what difference does it make? The narcissistic parent will also claim that it is too expensive for them to start a new hobby or interest. Meanwhile the narcissistic parent may have just splashed out on a new car for themselves. Any friends that the child has or any places that the child goes to will be criticised. Narcissistic parents are very superficial, so they may expect their child to only be around children who have some special gift or talent, or they have highly successful parents. If the child does find a friend like this, the narcissistic parent will then compare them to this friend, and use them as proof that their child is not good enough. Following all of this abuse, the child will no longer view themselves in the same way. They will lock in the mirror and have this inner dialogue or inner critic in their minds, which was created from the constant criticisms and put downs by the narcissistic parent. They will feel as though they are not attractive. This will affect any potential relationships the child could have had. Narcissistic parent did not target their confidence, it will also lead to the child being in friendships with other children who are abusive like the narcissistic parent. This further destroys the child's perception of themselves. The child may stop practising self-care or self-love, which then affects their friendships and relationships even more. They may not have the motivation or self-belief to try new hobbies or interests, as they have been told that they are not good enough. This leads the child into a downward spiral until they become a teenager with no friends, no relationships and no hobbies or interests. The narcissistic parent has now created their own evidence that the child is not good enough and then uses this to further abuse their child more and more. Until the point where many teenagers of narcissistic parents even end up suicidal, this is the power that the inner critic or inner dialogue can have on the child. I used to have this many years ago, at some point I realised the effect that this was having on my life and then I decided that I didn't want to listen to that voice anymore. Naturally I then developed friendships and relationships which then gave me evidence that I was not the unattractive or not good enough person the narcissists claim me to be. I created my own voice, one which is more positive and beneficial for me. I realised that listening to the narcissistic parent is not going to benefit me in any way. Why listen to people who do not have your best interest in mind? Narcissistic parents are pathologically envious and jealous of the child. They feel as though the child has taken away the spotlight away from them. They are jealous of any attention, validation, approval or admiration the child might receive from a friend, relationship partner or anyone else. They are also envious because they want to take away our happiness or progress in anything. It is likely that the narcissistic parent did not have the friends, relationship partners, happiness or progress that they wish they had at that point in their lives. When the narcissistic parent sees the child making friends, having relationships, finding happiness and making progress, this triggers the narcissistic parent to reflect on themselves and how they did not have that when they were that age. Seeing the child having these friends and relationships, finding happiness and making progress actually hurts the narcissistic parent on some level. It causes them to feel insecure and then envious and jealous of the child. Narcissists are shame based individuals, their co-identity is shame. Shame is the lowest emotional vibrational frequency and it guides everything they do. Everything they do revolves around monitoring and controlling their feeling of shame. It is very overwhelming and painful for the narcissist to deal with their shame. They do not self reflect or look within themselves. They do not accept responsibility or accountability for anything that they do. Their only other option to deal with their shame is to project it onto someone else. The narcissistic parent prefers to project their shame onto the child. As children are vulnerable and cannot fight back, they do not have the awareness or understanding of what the narcissistic parent is doing to them. Narcissist target victims who have some form of vulnerability or weakness or don't have much support. This minimizes the threat or risk for the narcissist. This is why narcissists prefer to target their own child to project their shame. The child also has no escape. So this is a secure source of supply for the narcissist. Narcissist parents also teach their child to have no boundaries. No separation between themselves and the parent. I remember as a child the narcissistic parent would walk into the bathroom when I was in the bathroom or in the shower. Even until the age of 14 he would not let me leave the shower unless he could hand dry me with a towel. Even in my late 20s if I was in the bathroom, in the bath or shower or using the toilet he would unlock the door from the outside using a coin just so he could watch me in the bathroom. Poor boundaries are extremely damaging to the child. It makes them perfect prey for predatory friends or relationship partners. In some cases the child may grow up to not respect the boundaries of other people. Poor boundaries will also promote incestuous relationships. This is what the narcissist parent teaches to the child. Some narcissistic parents may even sexually abuse their own child. In some cases there may be an attraction to the child. In other cases this may be to exploit or humiliate the child or to create some form of trauma within them. This is how far narcissistic parents are willing to go to project their shame onto the child. They want the child to hate themselves because any form of self-care or self-love they engage in reflects on how shameful, insecure and inferior the narcissistic parent feels. I could go more into this but I'd imagine that this has been quite difficult to hear. I hope this video has provided you with further knowledge and understanding of how narcissistic parents teach the child to self-hate. Thank you for watching, please like, comment, share and subscribe. Talk to you soon.