 The bread-winning woman. In Africa today, it is not uncommon for women to be breadwinners in their marriages. A breadwinner is someone who ends the most income. And in some extreme cases, the breadwinner is also someone that is the sole owner. Most of the women I work with are sitting on this table. So it is a common occurrence. But no longer in the 60s or 70s, where it is typical to labour women are stay-at-home moms, teachers, nurses, petty traders. These are now old school. If you are a woman sitting on this table, you should be commended. Well done. It is an honour, a privilege to have what people need. It also takes a lot of patience and hard work to be successful in your career or your business. So well done, girl. However, it can be really difficult to be a breadwinner in a relationship as a woman. I know times are changing, notwithstanding, many women face a lot of challenges in their relationships when they are breadwinners. Issues can range from jealousy, verbal abuse, physical abuse, intimidation, even financial sabotage from hobby. The list is long. Issues like these make women afraid to marry men who earn less than they do even when there is a lot of prospects in the guy or lots of prospects in the relationship. Many women who are breadwinners are very unhappy. Some feel used and unappreciated. Now before you throw in the towel, let's try and work out how you can make your relationship work even when you end more than your husband. There are three things we can consider today that will help you ease the tension at home. Tip one, do not apologize for making more money. You really shouldn't be uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable is not an attractive trait for women. All men, you see, at the end of the day, you are a team. Whatever you do, whatever you achieve or earn will help make the team become better. More money helps. So get your partner involved in the excitement of the progress, the extra money we accrue to the team. Now tip number two, do not become a dictator or an arrogant partner. Consider how you would like to be treated and accord your husband the same level of respect or more. You see, great relationships are based on mutual respect and trust. The key word here is mutual. So just because you end more doesn't give you the right to become an evil queen in your relationship. Now tip number three, communicate, communicate, communicate. I cannot emphasize that enough. In my opinion, this is the most important tip on this topic. Communication is so key. It's important to talk about how you feel and how the other person feels. It is important to discuss financial goals and make financial decisions together. It is important to be emotionally intelligent. In a relationship, communicate with your partner and not just with your pastor, your family or your friends. My dear bread women ladies, I want you to know that you can build healthy relationships despite your financial status. Just always remember that in marriage you are part of a team. You are partners in this partnership and the company, organization or corporation is called marriage. It's going to go fast. Well, this issue, I've been in situations where some men will say they don't want their wives or their girl in which their relationship will have certain level of achievement before they will give an example. I had a case where a man was saying he'd like to go for a master's degree first before his wife. Before you get into a relationship with anyone or marriage, you should know that nobody should pose a threat or barrier to your self-actualization and your dream. As a woman, you should have your vision for yourself. Nobody should be an obstacle to that. If somebody is going to be an obstacle to that, then that person is not fit to be your husband or your man. Being more successful as a woman is because of your personal input and your level of intellect and your capacity as a human being, your resources. It has no way or is mutually exclusive from that of your man or your husband. So your husband should learn to live and work with you. The woman should not be intimidated by the man, the man should not be intimidated by the woman. They should work together, synergize. So they are part of a team. So I agree with you. So I like this male perspective and I like the other male perspective first of all. I think based on what you have said is times of change and I think us men will just have to accept it now. And it's not an easy thing for men to accept. But in business, we have to accept. And behind every successful man, there is a woman. Every successful woman, there is a woman. Behind every successful woman, there is a woman. So it shows our power for women now. I think I will not fall in love with my wife being successful. Because success has nothing to do with the relationship. The relationship has to do with love. And love has to be nurtured everyday. So being a man, you are nurturing it. So if you are nurturing that love for that woman to fall in love and love you and learn about your woman everyday. And I don't think there will be any truth in it with the success. And then you know women, they have their mood swings. So no, when your wife does want to talk to you whether she needs chocolate or ear sign. Other things like that. I say if you can learn that, then I think you will be good. But I am married, I have a wife. So she is being a success. She plays with your spats and then she work with me from school days. Like I have known her for 10 years. So she plays a huge part in my career today. And I watch her sit back and let me be this person I am today. So now I said, you know what, it's time for you to be what you want to be. So open play field, she got the keys to it all. Go be what you want to be. If there is love, she will stay. If there is no love, she will work away. But I am not going to be my insecurity. Be all the way not to be successful, be what you want to be. What have purpose? That allow people to exploit their purpose and be what they are supposed to be in this world. That's my sense. Fear for the generation. I love it. I love men. I hope they are not saying this because we are here. But Fela, please go ahead. For the record, I am not the single person in the room. I am not very realistic. So when a woman is very successful, it's like the man is feeling. We men have that ego. The man is thinking. And you know, when a woman is climbing the ladder of success, she is going to make sacrifices. That is, she has to be in Kano. She has to be in Kadena. Like, I saw a publication where they said about four female MDs in Nigeria today are females. And I saw an interview with one of them, the spouse of one of them. And he said, it's not been easy. The man was just being honest. He said, because he said there were days that his wife would just come back from work and say, I am going to potackle tomorrow. I will be there for two good weeks. And he said, this is okay. I will stay with the kids. It's not easy because that man also had his own plans for the week. But because his wife is travelling and he knows that she is climbing that ladder, he has to take the kids to school. He has to do everything she has been doing. So it's not really easy to be honest. So it takes a man that is really very supportive. In a man that is patient. Confident in himself. Yes, a man that is willing to also sacrifice. Because if you look at it, it's the woman that is supposed to be the way we grew up. The way our parents grew up. My mum resigned in a very, very, very sensitive role. If she had continued, my mum would have been one of the top educationist in Lagos. But because of my dad, she was climbing and climbing. And she wasn't having time for us. So my dad said, I am a banker, you can't be like this. And she had to step back. So, yes, she had to do that for us. No, this was then. This was then. It was a mutual decision. Yes, and my mum is not complaining to the children. She has no regrets. She has no regrets. But she says that thank God she did it. But you know how many women would do that today? Because you are like, okay, this money we need it. This money we are making it. Together. And you also want to see your wife succeed. Sure. Let me just say a little bit about my personal. So like when I started my business. And then I just got married and then my wife was pregnant. So being an entrepreneur is not easy for me in your business and everything. So she had to be a stay of mum with my son for like three years. And now she's out there doing her own thing. I look after my son. I bat my son in the morning. I drop my son to school. It's a partnership business. So I feel like we just have to play the part. So both of you have to have a mutual understanding. This is where I want to reach. When I got this yacht on, you can go wherever you want to go. I think it's all about communication actually. It's communication, communication, communication. If you fail to communicate and I don't think marriage will happen. And I've been married for five years. Wow. Wow. Like you have to marry. Well done. I've been married for ten years. And you're happily married. We're happily married. Like I got a successful business. But she's not working for me. She said I don't want to work for you. I want to work for someone else. I'm like it's fine. Put your resume together. Communication. She's working for someone else. Like my wife is less than what some of my employees are. Hopefully she'll become a boss where she's very soon. And have her own empire. So I'll be happy for her. So like I'm coming to Nigeria. And I have to go to Nigeria. But I know my son will be an obstacle. I flew my son to Jordan. And I left my son somewhere. I said look after my son. Because my wife has to go to work. And I don't want me coming to Nigeria being selfish. Wow. So you know what? I'm coming to Nigeria. I say you have to stay with the child. I'm good. No. I'm coming to Nigeria for my personal things. What about her personal things? I said we need to get that kind of understanding. You say if you die to who will be the next person to your son. To your kids. Is your wife. Yes. No anyone else. I don't trust anyone with my son compared to my wife. And then if I don't give my wife the opportunity to have the muscles if I die today. And how she going to look after my child. That's a good perspective. Very good one. Most of our mothers married to an abusive man. Any of the men who cannot love them. Because they have to do it because of the kids that maybe they're old and passed away and left them. Now they be like this man can provide for my child. Unfortunately they have to do whatever this man wants. Whether it's an abuser or not. But my son and my child have to go to school. My later husband passed away. Let me uneducate and without a job. Now yes this man who is providing shelter. So do you want your wife to go with it? No. So of course acting wife to play an open book can be more mature. As if there is love and trust. You're going to say the word. Talk about the success. Wow. You said it all. You said it all. Thank you so much. I mean everybody is right. And all relationships have their dynamics. And I think the start point is to get it right from the very beginning. You have to choose right. Because when you choose the woman from your rib, like we say in the Christendom, I mean your issues are minimized. However if you make mistakes in choosing, there is always a way. And it comes with openness. You have to agree and know that you are a team. Cutting off my arm is going to hurt the other part of my body. So communicate and always put the vision of both people in the fund burner. So that every decision you make should be for the team. Because when you do that, the offspring, the resource of that marriage is world changing. Exactly. True. Then when we come back, Shola is going to be talking about maintaining professional integrity. I think it's going to be interesting. See you after the break.