 Teaching school can be a very rich life for a young woman. That is, if she happens to be a very rich young woman. Of course, I'm not rich, but I am rather young and rather a woman, too. Which brings us to Mr. Boynton. He's the biology teacher at school, and a sweeter, kinder, more intelligent scientist never brushed off an English teacher to play footsie with a frog. But he'll come around. Even a studious biology teacher must sooner or later get a little biological. Meanwhile, I can dream, can't I? Honey Brooks can dream. It's a few minutes before seven in the morning, and Miss Brooks is fast asleep in the room she rents from Mrs. Margaret Davis. Fast asleep and dreaming. Oh, Mr. Darwell, this is too much. Miss Brooks, as principal of Madison High School, I insist you accept it. But a diamond-studded ruler. For what, Mr. Darwell? Because you have the nicest erasers in school. Why, Mr. Darwell, I didn't think you ever noticed my erasers. I'm also giving you Mr. Boynton, the biology teacher. Oh, Mr. Boynton. Kiss me, Miss Brooks. Kiss me again, Mr. Boynton. Miss Brooks, you have to go to school, dear. For this, I don't have to go to school. This one's naturally. Oh, oh, oh, it's you, Miss Davis. Oh, what time is it? Well, it's only 7.15, dear. But I know today's a big day for you. What with Mr. Darwell, the principal leaving Madison High? Oh, yes, today's the day Mr. Conklin takes over. Maybe he'll give me a chance to head the English department. As good, Conklin? Why, I've known him for years. We went to school together. All the other children used to call him stone-faced because he never laughed. Oh, fine. Well, I shouldn't say never. No, I did give him a laugh one time when we were out ice-skating. He was practically in hysterics. What happened? I broke my leg. Now, do hurry and get dressed, dear. I've got a lovely surprise for your breakfast. You just sit down and drink your juice. All right, Mrs. Davis. What kind of juice is this, anyway? Pomegranate. Pomegranate? I was going to bake you a cumquat, but they were out of them at the deli. Now, here's the surprise. It is Armenian pancakes. They've been setting for five days. What else could they do? Goat's milk. It takes five days for it to get good and sour. Sour goat's milk? Yeah, try a bite off this fork. Don't pay any attention to the smell, dear. Oh, but Mrs. Davis, I... Mrs. Davis, I'm too old to be hand-fed, especially Armenian pancakes. Now, tell me the truth. Aren't they delicious? Well, I don't want to hurt your feelings, Mrs. Davis, but if I were the goat responsible for this concoction, I would hang myself by my own beard. If you don't mind, I'll help myself to some cereal. Oh, Mrs. Brooks, it's a crime to throw out these pancakes. What's the crime? Carrying concealed weapons? Now, you've got to have something for breakfast. Today's a big day for you. Let me whip up a few Swiss clan fritters. Look, Mrs. Davis. Yes, dear. If it wouldn't upset you to see it at the breakfast table, could I have some corn flakes? Well, everyone to his own taste. Gee, it's funny, Walter isn't here yet. He knows I wanted to get to school a little early this morning. Oh, is Walter Denton picking you up again? Yes, my Chevy's still in the shop. I had a little accident Monday. I ran into a parked car. Oh, that's too bad. I hope you reported it to the police. I didn't have to. They were sitting in the car. That's good. Walter's a nice boy, although he's not too bright. You're right about that, Mrs. Davis. 16 years old and he gets his heart broken every other week by some jukebox, Cleopatra. Then I have to put the pieces together. You, Miss Brooks? Yeah, you know, I pat the little rooster on the head with my motherly wing and make plucking sounds. Oh, well, how does he respond to that, Miss Brooks? Before the last pluck has died away, he's back in the henhouse. Oh, well, I can't worry about Walter today. I've got to make a good impression on Mr. Conklin if I want that new job at school. That's Walter now. I can always tell him by the way he hunks. Me too. He sounds like a heartbroken goose. Well, here goes, Mrs. Davis. Wish me luck. Oh, I do, my dear. And don't you worry about a thing. I wonder what kind of a guy Mr. Conklin really is. I tell you, I'm not going to stand for any nonsense at this new school, Martha. I've heard about the lack of discipline and I won't have it, you hear? No one is going to interfere with my making Madison High School a well-run school. No one. If anybody gets in my way, I'll crush them. Step on them like so many ants. Squash them. That's nice. Pass them on a late, dear. And help yourself to some more toast. I hate toast. But I was saying, Martha, I'm sure that the faculty at Madison is totally inept. Oh, I don't know. I was good. I'm sure you'll find a few epped ones. Epped. Epped. Drink a little water, dear. It'll go away. No understanding, no cooperation. Nobody knows what a difficult job I'm faced with. It's awful, awful, awful. Please, Osgood, can't you talk without barking? Honestly, sometimes I think Prince is the only one who can really understand you. Prince! Don't mention that lazy mutt to me. Look at him over there. Dead to the world. Well, it's getting late. Now where's my hat? Conklin, where's my hat? Dear, don't bark. I'm not barking, Martha. Once and for all, I don't bark. Now be sure to drive carefully on your way to school. Don't tell me how to drive. I'm not, dear. It's just that after all the work you put in, polishing it on Sunday, I'd hate to see the... Oh, stop worrying. I did the work, didn't I? Look at her out there. Nothing takes a wax polish like a black touring car. Well, Osgood, you'd better get started. You mustn't set a bad example for your new teachers. I'll show them a thing or two. I'll show them. I'll make them step. It's nice of you to pick me up like this, Walter. Well, that's all right, Miss Brooks. It's the least I can do. You've been so sweet to me. Besides, there's something I want to talk to you about. A girl? It usually is, isn't it? Yeah, it's a girl, Miss Brooks, but this one... this one's different. You mean she's stuck on you? Oh, not yet. That's what I want to talk to you about. I want you to help me get her stuck on me. Well, here we go again. Who is the girl, Walter? She's the baker's daughter, Penelope Miller. When I kissed her for the first time the other night, I knew she was different. But, Walter, you kissed a lot of girls. What's so different about Penelope Miller? She tastes like caraway seeds. She's probably built like a pumpernickel. Look, Walter, I've got a lot on my mind today. All I want you to do is help me write her a letter, Miss Brooks. You see, she doesn't think I'm mental enough. I can't understand it. And I figured, well, you being an English teacher, as well as a woman, well, you'd know how to make her think that I was brainy. You know, intelligent. I hate to trade on just my sheer animal magnetism. You know what I mean? Well, you are a little beastly in spots. But don't blame yourself. Penelope just doesn't appreciate yet that a man is a thing to be treasured. When will she appreciate it? When she gets to be my age. Well, I couldn't wait that long, Miss Brooks. Walter, just how old do you think I am, anyway? Is 35. What? 40. Walter! 45? One more bid and I'll throw you out of this auction. I'm sorry, Miss Brooks. I guess I'm not very mental at that. But you will help me out, won't you? I'll come over to Mrs. Davis' tonight and we'll write a letter together. What do you say? Well, I could... Walter, look out! That car! What car? That big, black touring car! Big, black touring car? It's not quite as big as it was. Idiot! Why don't you watch where you're going? All my fenders. My shining fenders lying in the gutter. Walter, put the man's fenders back on. Well, gee, Mr. I didn't mean to... You didn't mean... Why didn't you look where you were going? Well, gosh, it takes true to make an accident. A brilliant observation. But it just happens that I was only going 15 miles an hour. You should have been going 30. We'd have missed you by a block. You red-haired joyrider? It was probably your fault. My fault? Yes. Why don't you learn how to drive that hopped-up purse of yours? Hopped-up purse? How dare you? Walter, I've got to run along. I'll leave you to straighten out barking boy. Barking boy? That's the second time today I've been accused of barking. Young woman, I'll have you know I do not bark. Who's your friend? The home prince. Thanks for the joy ride, Walter, if you'll pardon the expression. Oh, goodbye, Miss Brooks, and don't forget about tonight. Good riddance. That is one of the most offensive young women I've ever met. Now then, young man, let me see your driver's license. I haven't started yet. Let me see. Pick up my mail first and then... Oh, hello, Mr. Boynton. Hello, Miss Brooks. Isn't it a coincidence that we're in the same mailbox? Not an overwhelming coincidence. Your last name begins with the same letter mine does. Well, that's a start. You have such a quick mind, Mr. Boynton. Well, it is thorough. Personally, I think you tax it too much. Don't you think you need more recreation if you know what I mean? Oh, carrying on my biology experiments is recreation enough. You don't know what I mean. Of course, I also collect stamps. That gets pretty exciting sometimes. Oh, it must. There's no end to the possibilities. Have you ever tried your hand at beadwork? No, I don't believe I have. Is it fun? Fun. I just make you tingle all over. And, of course, basket weaving can be exciting too. Really? Yes, if we're both in the same basket. All so much for the world of sports. Miss Brooks, if you don't mind my changing the subject, are you going to be busy tonight? Busy? Me? Why, Mr. Boynton, I couldn't be unbizzier. Well, I'd like to come over after dinner, that is, if we could be alone. Alone? We'll be absolutely isolated. I hope you don't think I'm too forward, Mr. Boynton, but I've anticipated this moment for quite a while. Remember the day about five years ago when I first came to Madison High, rounded a turn in the corridor and bumped smack into you? Oh, yes. I was teaching chemistry then. You put quite a dent in my Bunsen burner. The day that I first suspected that we'd be more to each other than just fellow faculty members. Oh, when were your suspicions confirmed, Miss Brooks? Oh, on our very next date, when you took me to lunch two years later. Dad, you were a fast worker. I don't blame you for kidding me, Miss Brooks. I guess I'm not much of a whirlwind romantically. Then most scientific people aren't. You see, the study of evolution alone tends to slow down in many of the more intemplate reflexes. You must realize what a tremendous period of time was involved before the single cell divided itself in the sea and adapted itself to the land and air. Countless centuries passed before lower forms of life assumed. They're new shapes. Generations before the mammal family produced the ape family, and before the ape family produced the human family. What have you been waiting for me to do? Slip back a notch? Miss Brooks, you do look very lovely this morning. Well, thank you, Mr. Boynton. Luckily, I come from one of the prettier ape families. Now, but what time do you think you'll be able to come over tonight? Oh, Mr. Boynton, Miss Brooks. Sorry to interrupt, but as you know, today is my last day as your principal, and my successor, Mr. Conklin, is due any minute. Oh, we'll be sorry to see you go, sir. Yes, you've been a wonderful principal, Mr. Darwell. I don't know why the board of education had you transferred. Ours not to reason why. Ours but to teach and die. If you'll pardon a mixed poetical reference. And if I may say so, it's been wonderful working with you here at Madison High, and I'm genuinely sorry to leave. However, we're teachers and teachers can't afford sentiment. We can't afford anything. Now, I suggest that you go to your classrooms and get things in order. I'll be taking Mr. Conklin on a tour of inspection as soon as he arrives. Incidentally, Miss Brooks, your class will be one of the first ones visited. Also, it might interest you to know that I intend to recommend you as the head of the English department. Oh, thank you, Mr. Darwell. Believe me, I'm all set for Mr. Conklin. Good. You know, Miss Brooks, nothing is more important than a first impression. Let me have your attention now. As many of you know, our new principal, Mr. Osgood Conklin, takes over his duties today. So if he should drop in here at any time, there's no reason for any of us to be nervous, self-conscious, or head of the English department. I mean, we'll just go on in our normal manner. Now, to take up where we left off yesterday... Pardon me, Miss Brooks, but Mr. Conklin and I just happened to be passing by. Oh, I come right in, Mr. Darwell. This way, Mr. Conklin. Mr. Conklin, this is our Miss Brooks. How do you do, Miss Brooks? Glad to make you re... ...equate a minute. Thank you, Mr. Conklin. I'm glad to make your equate a minute, too. You two have met? Well, we sort of ran into each other this morning. Oh, so this is the young lady in the accident you told me about. Well, Mr. Conklin, I have an idea. Now, why don't we skip English and drop in on the... Mr. Darwell, now that I know just who Miss Brooks is, I'm particularly interested in watching her conduct her class. Oh, well, suppose you go right on, Miss Brooks. We'll get to sit here at the back of the room and probably learn something. Oh, all right, Mr. Darwell. Now, class, I'm going to read some lines to you, which I'd like you to... I mean, that I'd like you to. Well, I want you to tell me who... I'd like the name of the author of the following stuff. So Conklin War... I mean, so Donklin's in war. Never was there a knight like Young Luck involved. Hands, please? No hands? Well, you've all got them, you know. Just look at the end of your sleeves. Oh, oh, there's a hand. Winona. I can always depend on Winona. Uh, who wrote those lines, Winona? I don't know. I just want to leave the room. Find the blindfold, Captain. Just give me a cigarette. Oh, Mr. Boyn. Where's Brooks? Come right in. Well, if you don't mind, I'll stand by the door. Biology labs make me nervous. I just dropped by to see what time you're coming over tonight. Tonight? Yes, one of my students is stopping by. I've promised to write an intellectual letter for him to a girlfriend he's trying to impress. Penelope Miller. Penelope Miller. Yeah, she tastes like caraway seeds. Anyway, if you'll just let me know what time you can make it off. Well, I'm not sure about tonight at all right now. I'm quite worried about violet. Violet? I'm using some of my mouse I use in some of my experiments. I know. Steady, Violet. Steady, dear. I'm just going to hold you for a minute. Mr. Boyn. You know, I don't like the feel of his stomach. Mr. Boyn. It's lumpy. Well, but Mr. Boyn, you told me at the office this morning. Well, thank you, Miss Brooks. At that time, I didn't know about Violet's condition. You understand. I have to... I know. You have to sit up with a lumpy mouse. Violet's been awfully cooperative. Obviously. But she's terribly peeked lately. I don't know what it is. I think I'd better have a look at her cage. Hold her a minute, will you please? Miss Brooks, you dropped Violet. She attacked me. Get off of her desk. I can't. I see her. She's under that table, Mr. Boyn. I'm kidding. If you just stop that screaming, let go of your skirts. Get her. And this, Mr. Compton. This is our biology laboratory. And where are we? By Miss Brooks. What are you doing on that desk? And where's Mr. Boyn? He's under the table with Violet. So that's what goes on in the biology laboratory of Madison High. Oh, but Mr. Compton, I'm sure we can... So am I. Very sure. Come, Mr. Darwell. I'll be back when Violet is out from under the table. Oh, no. Yeah, I've got her, Miss Brooks. Oh, the poor thing was scared to death. Oh, look at her. Isn't she sweet? Isn't Violet a beauty? Ravishing. And may I tell you something else, Mr. Boyn? What's that? You make a lovely couple. Yes, this is the principal's office. Osgood Conklin speaking. Who's this? This is Davis. A Margaret Davis. Oh, the girl who used to go ice skating with me. How's your leg? You want me to come over tonight? Well, my wife is visiting her mother tonight. I might be able to... You say there's a teacher living here that you want me to meet? Miss Brooks? Miss Brooks! Now, look here, Margaret. I don't think I can... Yes, I know we're old friends, but... But I don't... But I can... But I... All right, seven o'clock. Goodbye. Her leg must have been in the cast for six weeks. School immediately. I am he. I am Matilda Denton. And I have reason to suspect that my boy, a pupil at this iniquitous institution, has fallen into the clutches of one of your female teachers. What? But, madam, what makes you... But over the half hour ago, on the phone, I heard my boy postponing a date with a girl his own age, a lovely little girl, Penelope Miller. Penelope Miller? Yes, he tastes like caraway seeds. There's a reason for the postponement. He said he had a date tonight with a red-headed teacher at her home. But how do you know she... Yeah, read this. It fell out of my son's notebook when he came home from school. Just read it. Very well. At last, I've got what I want. Red hair and what a tough, sturdy body. Good heavens. Where, Mr. Conklin? Have you any idea who this nefarious woman might be? Yes, I have, Mrs. Denton. And I hasten to assure you that I'll take steps to get to the bottom of this as quickly as possible. Just how quickly is that, Mr. Conklin? No later than tonight. This teacher doesn't know it, but we are having dinner together. You like your dinner? Very interesting, Mrs. Davis. I have never tasted the seal burger before. It's the goat's milk that does it. Uh-huh. Well, I'll take these dishes into the kitchen and see about the coffee. Oh, I make Bulgarian coffee, you know. It's strained through a grapefruit rind. Naturally. Yes. Now then, Miss Brooks, I realize that the events of the day were as unpleasant for you as they were for me. Yes, they were, Mr. Conklin, but that's all in the past. I'd like to think so, Miss Brooks. But unfortunately, a matter of the greatest concern has come up. Really? Really. What would you think of a teacher who would allow a student to become infatuated with her and then leave him on? Well, I think she was pretty terrible, Mr. Conklin. Who's the teacher? We haven't any positive proof, but the boy's name is Walter Denton. Well, I think they both ought to be arrested. Walter Denton? Yes, Miss Brooks, Walter Denton. His mother came to see me today and told me all about it. She has no idea who the teacher is, but, well, you can't deny the jewel in the car with young Denton this morning. Oh, but, Mr. Conklin, he was just giving me a lift until my car is fixed. I never see the boy at any other time. Are you sure about that, Miss Brooks? I'm positive. Must be my laundry. Your laundry at 8 p.m.? Well, I deal with the owl laundry. Only come out at night. Well, you excuse me, Mr. Conklin. I'll be back in a minute. Hi, Miss Brooks. I keep you waiting. Yes, but not long enough. Look, Walter, come back some other time. Come on. No, Walter, no. Let's get into the living room. I'm anxious to get that letter started. Not so loud, Walter. What's the matter, Miss Brooks? You look like you've seen a ghost. I just had dinner with one. Mr. Conklin is still in the dining room. Oh, the new principal? Yes, and he's convinced that you've jilted your girlfriend because you're infatuated with me. Gee, is that good? Good. Listen, Walter, if he finds you here tonight, we'll both be out in... Come on. It's good. We'll have our coffee in the living room. Oh. Bye, Margaret. Oh, quick, Walter. Get behind those curtains by the window. Oh, all right. Say they're very pretty. Get in back of them. What was it that rang, dear? Oh, it was just a wrong number, Mrs. Davis. On the doorbell? I mean the wrong house number. Why, Miss Brooks, you seem very nervous this evening, dear. You've pulled all the thread out of that tassel. Oh, they don't make them like they did before the war, do they? I remember some tassels you could pull on all day. You'll come and get some coffee, dear. It'll calm you down. You know, the Bulgarians drink it flat on their backs. They drink it flat on my back any minute, and I wish I was in Bulgaria. By this Brooks, you're trembling like a leaf, and you're all flushed. Well, it's rather warm in here, don't you think? Yes. Oh, if it isn't too much travel-wise good, would you mind pulling back those curtains and opening the window? Oh, no, not the curtains. No trouble at all. I'll be only too happy to open the window. And I'll be only too happy to jump out of it. There. There we are. Well, where is he? What's become of him? What's become of whom? I'll be Breen. He used to send me. Come on over to the couch, dear. You're still overwrought. There, now you lie right down here, and I'll get you a pillow. You know, I keep pillows in the window seat just for emergencies like this. I always say you never know when you need them. Hello, Walter. Here you are, Miss Brooks. Just make yourself... Margaret, what is the matter? What a tension! A lot of my window seat. Uh-huh! Just as I thought. Miss Brooks, where are you going? I thought I'd run down to the Belgian Congo for the weekend. Down, Miss Brooks. Young man, what were you doing in that window? If you'll only give me a chance, Mr. Conathon, I can explain. Go ahead. What were you doing in there? Hiding. Walter, tell them just why you came here tonight. I came here to see Miss Brooks. I thought we'd be alone. Oh, ho! Well, she was only going to help me write a letter to my girlfriend. Oh, by that was very sweet of Miss Brooks. Don't you think so, Osgood? Extremely so, extremely. Now, let's hear you explain this, Miss Brooks. Here, read this page from Walter's diary. Mine? What is this? At last I've got what I want. Red hair and what a tough, sturdy body. Walter! I wish everybody would stop saying Walter. This isn't even my writing. Here, look at the other side. That's my biology notes from yesterday. I asked Mr. Boynton to loan me a piece of paper. Mr. Boynton wrote that? Oh, my! Miss Brooks, don't you get it? Get what? Red hair. It's you he's writing about. Me? Uh-huh. Just what he wanted? Tough and sturdy. Surely you're not pleased, Miss Brooks? I'm not? I mean I'm not. Good evening. The front door was open. Oh, hello, Mr. Boynton. I thought you said we were going to be along, Miss Brooks. You too! What's happening around here? Haven't you heard? I've been made queen for a day. Mr. Boynton, I'd like to know whether you wrote this or not. Let me see it, sir. Yes, sir. I wrote it. It was supposed to go into my diary. What's wrong with it anyway? She is strong and I did work hard to get her. Mr. Boynton, please not in front of everybody. It took 23 generations of crossbreeding to get a red-backed mouse like that. A mouse? A mouse? Oh, amazing. Well, Miss Brooks, I'm afraid I've done you a grave injustice. You most certainly have, Mr. Conklin. You've placed your own meaning on unfortunate incidents. But... You've accused me of misconduct with no proof whatsoever, and you've acted in general like a narrow, bigoted, unfair person. But, Miss... Mr. Conklin, I never want to see you or talk to you again as long as I live. Not even about that job as head of the English department? Mr. Conklin, I've done you a grave injustice. Let's sit down on the love seat and talk this thing over, shall we? Well, we'll take it up first thing in the morning, Miss Brooks. I've got to be getting home now. Come on, Walter, we'll take the bus together. Oh, we don't have to take the bus, Mr. Conklin. I've got my car outside. Your car? After our collision this morning? Oh, after I left you, I hit another car, and everything snapped back into place. That's good. Good night. Good night, Mr. Conklin. Well, now there's just the three of us, Mr. Boynton. Mrs. Davis, you and I. Gee, it's a beautiful night. Look at that moon streaming through the windows. If one would just take a hint, there'd just be two of us. Two of us and one sofa. I said if one of us would take a hint, well, here we are, just the two of us. That's right, Miss Brooks. Come on, Walter, let's join Mummy. Cut the deal. But I'd rather have lost to Mr. Boynton. He's certainly naive, my little biology boy. But though he's shy, he's glad of I, and I'm sure he'll soon realize that the greatest thing he'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. Good night. Next week at the same time, Columbia will again present our Miss Brooks, Farry E. Boynton. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting District.