 Thank you for joining me on Think Tech Hawaii. I'm Shayna Park, your host for Money Talks. My guest today is Rayan Ischevez. Welcome to the show, Rayan. Hi, Shayna. Thanks so much for having me. Thank you for being on. I'm sure if you guys have seen this series before, my mom, Shayna Park, used to interview Rayan a lot, but I'm very, very honored to be interviewing you today. So could you please share a little more about yourself? Absolutely. Yes. So thank you, Shayna, again, for having me here. So my name is Rayan Ischevez. I'm with World Systems Builders. I've been with the organization for about 13 years now, so quite some time. I am married with two kids. And, you know, basically our organization, we really truly believe in financial education. And for the last 13 years, I've been working with a lot of individuals, families, small businesses. And I bring value to them by providing them with different financial solutions, whether that's, you know, helping them to provide proper protection, or saving for their future, or simply just replacing their paycheck with a lifetime income source. So, but primarily, you know, we really do believe in education. And so that's why I love shows like the Big Tech, because this is a great platform to be able to do that. Yes, and thank you for coming on to share your knowledge. And you do have so much experience, so I can't wait to get into it. But, you know, what got you into finances? Yeah, so for me personally, I've always been curious about money. Especially as a kid, I was just, I just had like this natural curiosity about money. But, you know, I didn't, unfortunately, though, my family, whenever really talked about money, one of the things my parents did do, being immigrants from the Philippines, is they really talked about academic education, right? So like most families, my parents told me, make sure to get a good education, get a degree so that I can get a good job, and then live happily ever after I get it. You know, I thought I was doing the right things. I graduated in the dental industry, actually. So my first career was a dental hygienist. And, you know, because my parents go to school so that I can get a good job. And, you know, hygienists make great salary. And so, you know, I graduated from college, started working, bought a house, or suddenly was going to private school. I thought I was doing all the right things that I was supposed to be doing. But on the financial side, I really started to feel like, oh my goodness, why do I feel like financially we're not in a position where it's supposed to be? You know, like most families, both my husband and I worked. We both had good jobs. And again, we thought we were doing all the right things. But from a financial position, I really felt like the more we did things, I just felt like we're suffocating financially. And so we knew that we had to find a different way or a solution to our finances. And so that's how I decided to get educated. And that's what, you know, that's how I started with this company because I really was attracted to the fact that they spent so much time really educating people about money. So that's how I got into it. And you know, I realized that there were so many people just like me. It didn't matter, you know, how much money you need, if you have a degree or not, how much, you know, most of us grow up not really knowing or having a formal education about money. And so I saw that there was an opportunity to be able to help a lot of people through the financial industry. Yes. And like you said, you only know what you know. And I feel like for myself, I was not a lot about finances and school. And it was talked about in my household. However, you know, for everyone who heard my story, I ended up going to traditional route to college and ended up in a lot of debt. But I'm very, very grateful for, you know, we work very closely with each other and for all the knowledge that you share with me, because I don't want to be in a position where I'm not financially set up for the future. So with that being said, you know, I know you know, but for those of you who don't know, I just got married. And did you know also that Valentine's Day is one of the most popular days to get married? Did you know that? Yeah, you know, it's interesting. I guess that makes sense, right? It's like the official love date. So people would, it makes sense that people would get married, but I didn't realize that, yeah, that it was so popular to get married on that day. Yeah, it's a popular day. However, Valentine's Day is a very expensive day as well. I can't even imagine the cost of a venue or even for flowers in general. I feel like the price doubles on Valentine's Day. But could you share some statistics of, you know, money and marriage? Absolutely, yeah. So again, congratulations on your marriage. It's an exciting time, right, to be getting married and, you know, starting this journey, this new journey in life. Yet it also presents itself with, you know, a lot of excitement, but also challenges. And I think one of the biggest one is money, right? And so let me just share with you some statistics here. So when it comes to money and marriage, right? So first of all, let's look at the leading cause of divorce. So this finance is actually the second leading cause of divorce. So I was actually quite surprised it wasn't the first, to be honest. What is the first one? It's actually infidelity. So infidelity is the first one. And so this second leading cause of divorce is about money, finances. And so at least it was like 20 to 40 percent of divorce is due to finances. So why, why is that, right? So there's some studies here. I said 86 percent of couples today start their marriage with more debt than baby in the past. So if you look at, you know, what's going on with today, more and more people just in general carry debt, right? Whether it's student loan debt. When I graduated from college, I had student loan debt that I was paying $400 a month. And that's pretty significant, you know? And then especially, again, like in my case where we got, we got married, we had, you know, our mortgage plus car payment, student loans, just you can imagine that stress on a couple, right? When they go into marriage already having debt, that's now you're adding your, each other's debt to this marriage. So 86 percent, that's a good majority of people already starting their marriage with debt. That's one. And again, of course, the more debt that you have, the more stressed that it causes, right? So we all know how that turns out. So, and then when there's more stress and strain on a marriage and then and then it causes to, the stress can lead to not communicating about money and then that and then not communicating about money. Then, you know, there are times when couples experience, there's a term for it. It's money infidelity, right? So it's pretty much exactly what it means that you're pretty much cheating about stuff or not purposely not telling your spouse about, you know, maybe your debt or your spending, you're hiding it from your spouse. And so then when those things surface, now you get a breakdown of trust, right? So then now you can see how these things can lead to divorce. Yeah. But you know, going back to what you shared when you introduced yourself is that a lot of times we're not even taught about money and it's not an easy conversation that we have in a household. So with that and money not being a comfortable topic, when you end up going into marriage, maybe for both sides, it's not easy to even begin to talk about or people don't even know where to start. I feel very fortunate for, you know, World System Builder and for all the great knowledge from you and my mom that, you know, fortunately I'm not in that situation, but I know let's go back to getting married. It is very expensive these days, right? And going back of starting off your marriage with a lot of debt, I know when, you know, we were looking for a venue, it was minimum $10,000. And that's a lot for a person maybe who may not be educated in finances, who doesn't have an emergency fund. And especially a lot of times too, when you get married, you have maybe a year or so, but that's a huge expense that you're paying for. So with that being said, you know, do you have any advice on that on how to, you know, manage your money when you're navigating such a big event in your life? Yeah. I mean, in general, are you talking about like, planning your wedding because, well, I think the statistics today, like our 2023, the average cost of a wedding was about $30,000. So, you know, again, we talked about earlier how you're already going into the marriage with your own debt, whether that student loan, credit card debt, car loans, and then on top of that, you're both creating now new debt together with this marriage and plus all the other things, right? Like buying a house and things like that, upgrading your lifestyle. But I think, you know, that's, how about we cover some of the things that, you know, that article that I sent you, Sheena, about just the different, I think the top six money issues that couples have challenges with. So I think the, so the first one is failing to pull earnings. So today, I noticed that a lot of couples, they want to, they tend to separate their finances because most people today, they're both working, right? Both spouses work. So they make their own money. And so they want to handle their own finances. And so they kind of split the bill in half and then they spend their own money. Well, there's so many studies that have shown that when you pull your resources together, like you actually have joint accounts, you know, that actually creates for a much better marriage. And that's argument about money when you put your resources together rather than, okay, here's your money. That's your money. That's my money. This is my money. And, you know, we'll just split everything. I can't go to that as well, because I know for myself and my husband, we, you know, had, we did have money issues in terms of having separate accounts. And really once we got joint accounts, a lot of those issues were solved. And it doesn't matter where it came from, but now it's just combined. And it builds up a better relationship and for us to have better communication about money. And actually, you gave me that advice. So thanks. Yeah, absolutely. I still remember that having that conversation with you. And I think it's so huge. You know, even for me, I still remember when like my husband and I of, wow, 20 years now, we, before we even got married, we actually already started to put our resources together. And because at the time I was, you know, he was working, but I was still a student. And I still remember, you know, the day that I called him and now I was, of course, I was a single mom at the time. And when I met my husband, and I remember when applying for subsidy, so that I could get day care paid for, they actually declined my application because they said, oh, you're not working enough hours and school doesn't count. And I was so frustrated because I was like, well, I'm going to school so that I could be better and, you know, make more money and contribute to society. But anyway, they still remember having that conversation about, hey, you know, I can't do this alone. We, you know, can you, can we work together? And that really changed the dynamics of our relationship and really built that trust right away when we pulled our resources together. Because as we kind of went through, of course, the different seasons of, you know, our financial journey together, we already had that good foundation of trust. Yeah. And a lot of times too, money is, well, of course we deal with money every single day. So I feel that at least you get some of your spouse accountable and we know where our finances is going, right? Rather than having to ask or be curious and then, you know, whatever situation that may come up. But could you, you know, talk a little bit more about the other six reasons that lead to, or going back to the article? Yeah, absolutely. So I'm looking at the article here. I said, the second thing was carrying old debts. I mean, we kind of talked about that. I think sometimes too, it's just, you know, putting that, being honest and putting that out on the table, I think is a big thing, you know, because when we're upfront about our debt, then at least we can communicate about it and create a plan, right, to, and how we can get out of that debt together. The third thing on the article, when ignoring personality differences. So this is a, I think this is also a big one. One of the things that I recommend people do is really, first of all, understanding like, what is your money script, right? Like, what is your relationship with money? What is your, do you understand, like, you know, if you understand your relationship with your money, then you get a better understanding of your behavior with money. So, you know, they say some people are senders, some people are savers, right? So understanding your money personality or they call it money script, there's actually a test that you can take offline, which I recommend everybody. So you just, you know, look it up, take my money or take money script test, right? It should pull up online. And it talks about just really understanding your own personal psychology of your relationship with money, right? And then when you understand, when you know your relationship with money, then it's a lot easier to then now communicate with each other, right? You and your spouse, because I think it's hard enough already. Like, money is such a difficult topic. And for most people, they don't ever talk about it. First and foremost, and then now you're dealing with two people talking about money, right? So now you have the extra challenge of now there's two of you. So personality differences is a big one, because you just have to understand again, so that you can come from a better place of understanding each other. Yes, undoubtedly. The next one, it says staging power plays. So this is a big one too. And I know there were different times in my husband and I's career where this was not, this is probably, we didn't, we did this really annoyingly and unintentionally. But it did hurt like, you know, there were times that we, there was, it caused pain when you're, when you're staging a power play, basically, because, you know, in a relationship, one person can be making significantly more than the other person. And so when you leverage that over your partner, then of course that doesn't meet for a good relationship period, right? And then you add money to your medicine. So you can see now where that can create an issue. The next one here is supporting a growing family. So I think sometimes there's a lot of conflict with how couples decide on, you know, how they're going to allocate their resources when it comes to their children. So that's in that, you know, because the average cost to raise a child from 0 to 18. Do you remember how much that is, Shayna? Was it a million? Maybe your child. Your child's a million. But about a quarter of a million dollars. I used to raise a child from 0 to 18 years old. Well, yeah, true, right? It's probably going to be about that much very soon. Everything's so expensive now. Another thing too is like on this article is extended family. So there's a lot of money issues around that because sometimes, you know, so you're now, and you have your resources within your own family, right? Your financial resources. But then you now, sometimes extended family like your parents, your siblings, that could also come into play where, you know, family either you have to support them financially or they're asking for financial support. So that can really be issues within the marriage that sometimes is not always talked about a friend, you know, how to deal with that. But I think it's a good conversation to have, you know, with, okay, if there was family that you needed to support outside within your own family, how you would handle that. Yeah, I'm glad we're having this conversation because all the tips or all the points that you're making right now from this article is at least something that I have dealt with in my marriage and relationship. So I've been, you know, at my other half for seven years. And I remember going back, you know, carrying debt from before, you know, being in a relationship. I know when I had my student debt, it was a lot. And I remember not even sharing it with my spouse because I just felt what was a need. There was a huge need because it weighed so heavy on my shoulder. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where to start. I felt lost and it caused me to be very emotional and, you know, lash out in other areas. And when you talk about what was that, you know, power moves or making more money, I can, I can understand how that could, you know, cause a significant rift in your relationship. So I'm glad we're having this conversation because I feel like when you say it, it's like, that kind of makes sense. But when you talk about it, it just, it's bringing that awareness, right? So, you know, what, what are some tips on how to keep money from destroying your marriage? What are some, let's send this on a positive note. Yeah, absolutely. So again, first and foremost, you know, really understand yourself, right? And how, in your own relationship with money, like, and this is an exercise I would recommend couples do on their own and then come together to discuss it. So, you know, my husband and I did this, we both did our money scripts, Tad has sent some of the things we actually had a lot of common, we scored, we, in certain scores, we had a lot of common, like money believes in and then the others were completely opposite, right? And so start there. So at least that's a good place to start. So again, that you can better understand each other. The second thing I would do is, you know, communicate, right? Be, set a regular time to meet about money, communication about, you know, whether it, and, you know, again, everybody's going to be different, whether you need to, you may have to start meeting daily when you first start or once a week or, you know, have these scheduled to the planning meeting so that you can openly talk and communicate about, you know, what's going on with your finances. I would say also set a spending plan, right? So it's really important to be aligned with how you're going to allocate your resources. I think you, it's a good idea to decide, okay, this percent we're going to agree on for to spend on our home and food and, you know, fixed expenses. And then you can, and also how much will be, will we save and save and invest? And then lastly, the spending plan for each other, right? So I shared this with you before, right, Gina, that, you know, my husband and I, we set a certain amount of money every month so that we, he can, that amount of money he spends on whatever he chooses, right? I do not question what he buys with that money. I think it's helped with, you know, really just having that respect for each other. And also it's fair because, you know, we've already taken care of all of our households and all of our savings and investing in them. And then we decide, okay, this is the amount of money that we're going to, you know, spend for ourselves. And so that's really key, really getting an alignment with how to allocate your resources and creating your own personal spending plan. I think that's important to, so that you can feel like you still have some independent way with and control over your money and not always being told how to spend it. And I like the spending plan better than a budget because the budget is so restrictive, right? Or at least it's just the plan on words. I mean, it's the same thing, right? You're, but I feel that when most people are feel restricted, it's kind of like a diet, you know, when you're good, maybe the first few days and afterwards you just, you feel so restricted. So it's the same thing with finance is really just create that spending plan because most people they want to spend money, right? So how can you spend it wisely? How can you allocate it wisely? And then also spending financial goals together, I think that's really important. You know, spending financial goals so that you can stay in alignment and have that vision for, you know, exactly where you want to go as a couple. Because I think that's that is really, really important because then there are going to be times where you may get off track, right? And you need to come back together and say, Hey, you know, when you have these planning meetings, if, you know, and this happened to me and I have been to there were times where it's like, Hey, we're spending too much. This is we're not, this is getting away from what we actually really want to do. What we talked about the goals that we set. So then it's important to have that as a good foundation so that you can make sure that you're both working towards that goal and helps to, you know, it helps you with your day-to-day money decisions as well. And the last thing I would see is get educated and continue to get educated. You know, there's always in the household a lot more. For the most part, there's usually one person that's handling most of the finances, right? The day-to-day things. But I think it's still important that you, you know, both couples learn together, right? Continue to say, continue to get educated, find resources like World System Builders that offers, you know, free financial workshops on twice a week. It's so important to continue to get educated because, you know, there's, with your finances and as you go through your marriage, you know, that you're going to have different fees and then different needs and different goals. And so I think it's important to continue to educate yourself so that you can stay on track with, you know, your financial goals and set new goals as you go along. Wow. I love all of that. And you're absolutely right about all the tips that you've provided. I know we've had many conversations throughout our time of knowing each other. And I know it has helped me a lot. But the main takeaways that I have is that communication is important education and planning, right? And I like the, the psychology of the words that you're using of not being restricted and having a budget by having spending plan, right? And whenever you plan for something, then you have something to look forward to. And I know when you shared with me having a spending plan on a month's lump-based, that significantly helped my relationship on my headstone because you're right. We, human nature, we, of course, we want to spend our money, right? And I know you mentioned the energy of money, right? It's not supposed to be kept. We are supposed to spend. So we don't want to feel restricted all the time. But with money comes great responsibility. And I feel our conversation that we're having today is that in order to have a great marriage and money plays a big role, it's a huge responsibility. So what are we going to do about it? That was some great tips that you shared. I feel, I feel so calm and talk to my husband right now about our finances. Yeah. And you know why we, and my husband and I constantly have these conversations still, you know, again, because things change all the time. So, oh, a big, another big thing is we, there's certain amounts that if, if we're spending at a certain amount that we have to both agree on it, right? So that's another big thing. I think when you're, when it's a larger amount than usual, then I think it's always good to be in consensus. So then there's always that meant too. Yes. Yes. Wow. Thank you so much for being on the show and having this conversation. I know Lenny sometimes not, sometimes isn't the easiest topic to talk about, but I feel that the tips that you shared and with all the statistics, it's something that is very doable and it can be a very comfortable conversation. So Ran, you know, thank you so much for being on the show. I feel like I always learn so much from you and I'm sure everyone else has learned a lot from you as well. And I hope to see you all at the next episode of Money Talks. I'm Shayna Park, a Gen C inspiring lives of liberties. Thank you.