 J-E-L-L-O! The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Johnny Green and his orchestra. The orchestra opens the program with Kosie Kosar from the motion picture A Night at the Opera. A year of broadcasting in Hollywood. It's quite a change to be back. Everything seems different, that is, everything except Jell-O. And Jell-O is just as popular in the East as it is in the West. It doesn't make any difference where you go. You'll find everybody likes Jell-O. It's lovely to look at with its vivid glowing colors, and it's grand to eat with its extra-rich real fruit flavor. Flavor so rich, so full-bodied, so thoroughly delicious, eating Jell-O is just like eating the real ripe fruit itself. You won't find this extra-rich fruit flavor in any other gelatin dessert, for only Jell-O knows the secret. So don't accept any substitutes for Jell-O. Whether you're ordering Jell-O at your grocers or in hotels or restaurants, always insist on the one and only genuine Jell-O. Back to New York from California, that sun-kissed comedian, Jack... Don, is this the room? Yes, Jack. Come in. What are you afraid of? Well, I feel kind of funny getting back to such a big studio. Gee, what a crowd of people here. Oh, what's the difference? You're not a stranger. Come on in. Oh, I don't want to. Come on. I'll give you a dish of raspberry Jell-O. Oh, all right, Don. Yum, yum, yum. Well, here I am, folks. Jell-O again. Gee, I feel silly. Well, Jack, how does it seem to be back in New York after being in Hollywood for almost a year? Well, Don, to tell you the truth, I feel kind of strange. I mean, here I am with a coat of tan and two frozen ears. That's surely cold. Where are you stopping in town, Jack? Same place? No, I have a cozy little room on the east side. It's really quite comfortable. Oh, is it far from here? Oh, about a 30-cent sleigh ride. Why don't you ski over and see me sometime? I'll do that, Jell. New York City, New York City. Gee, you're pretty. It's a pity. You can't see in old Miami where it's warmer. Gee, I'm ready. Hello, Jack. Hello, Mary. That's some reception you got. Why not? What good are two hands that you can't flatten together once in a while? Well, why don't you thank the studio audience for such a lovely tribute? Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Would anybody like to have my autograph? See how thick a they are, Jack? Yes, you're right, Mary, yes. You bet I am. Is this the place, Jack? Yes, sir. Ladies and gentlemen, let us welcome to New York the boy who has never been out of California before, Kenny Baker. Well, Kenny, how do you like being in New York? Gee, I'm thrilled. And how do you like the weather? Gee, I'm chilled. Well, one thing I must tell you, Kenny, you ought to get rid of that straw hat you're wearing. Oh, that's all right. I had it fur-lined. Oh. What have you been doing since we got in? Have you been around to see the sights? Yes, Jack. I spent all day yesterday in Greenwich Village. Now, Kenny, that's not Greenwich. You see, here in New York it's pronounced Greenwich. Greenwich, see? Who did you go with? Johnny Green. Did you go any place else? Yeah. This morning I went over to see the Statue of Liberty and was I surprised? Surprise? Why? I didn't know it was a woman. Isn't he cute, Mary? That guy has nothing but youth. Yeah. Kenny, you must visit Grant soon. I sure will. Carry Grant's a friend of mine. Listen, Kenny, that's not carry Grant. That's Ulysses. And that reminds me, Jello has six Ulysses flavors. Braberry, raspberry, cherry, irons, lemon, and lime. Delicious Grant, sir. Say, Jack. There's Johnny Green. He's been waiting all day for a reception. Oh, well, well. Hello, Johnny. Gee, that's some reception you got, Jolly. Yeah, wasn't it swell? Hmm, seeing his hometown didn't hurt him any. Well, Johnny, how does it feel to be back home again? Oh, great, Jack. I spent two days just visiting relatives. Well, that was nice. Did you see any other sites? Yes, your relatives. Listen, my relatives are in Warkegan. Yeah. When do you get back to your apartment? Well, maybe the folks did drop in to say hello. Say, Johnny, come here a minute, will you? I want to tell you a funny story I heard on the train. It seems that a woman got up. Now, folks, this is Don Wilson welcoming himself back from California. So give Jello a big hand. It's really a great dessert and has always been kind to your dish. Come on, folks. Jello, appreciate that. Play, John. Love is a dancing thin from the production at home abroad. And now, ladies and gentlemen, I take great pleasure in announcing that tonight this program is starting a contest. A real brain test in which all members of your family can participate. Now, there's nothing required in this contest, but a little bit of your time and patience. The winner will receive the sum of... Pardon me, Mary, hold this money. Come in. How do you do? Mr. Benny? Yes. On behalf of my friends and myself, I want to take this opportunity to welcome you back to New York City. Well, thanks. Who are you? Just a 6th Avenue bum. Gee, I hope my father wasn't listening. Well, anyway, folks, as I said before, tonight this program is starting a contest. A real battle of width and intelligence. And the winner of this contest will receive the tidy sum of... Oh... Hello, Mama. Yes, I got in Thursday morning. It's Mama Jack. Yeah, give her my love, Mary. Oh, we had a wonderful trip with the train with four hours late. Gee, if a woman did that, her husband would kill her. Well, how are you, Ma? That's good. Is Father working? He is. Gee, that's great. Who's he working for? Oh, he's in front of the house shoveling snow. Oh, I see. Tell him to try and keep that job, Mary. Uh, what's that? Oh, Jack, fine. Yeah, Hollywood has done him a lot of good. He looks better than George Alice. How's Otto? He did. Oh, isn't that wonderful. What is it, Mary? Otto went to the Olympic Games in Germany. Yeah, how did he make out? He won the 100-yard dash-hunt. Quite a long dog. Well, Ma, we'll see you tomorrow. What's that? Fine program. These greetings are murderous. Well, anyway, folks, tonight we are starting a contest. And the chief requirement will be the brain. Now, as I said before, the winner of this contest will receive the neat sum of... Oh, come in. Pardon me, Mr. Wilson, or a jello. I mean, Jack... say, who are you? I'm Jack Benny. What do you want? I'm a reporter in the new... the mirror, the telegram. That is the... no, the... I mean the time. Oh, from the Tribune, I see. Yeah, yeah. Welcome back to how you... That is, I mean, how are you? Glad to say... where's Mary Livingston? She's here. We just got back from Hollywood. Hollywood? Well, well, say, is it true that Wally Beer, I mean, Gable, you know a... a caper, a Gary Cook, are you going to say, I mean, where's Johnny Green? He's here. They are. Now, take it easy. What do you want to know? When did you first find out as your... or do you think... what's your opinion? I mean, who's your favorite? Well, what's new, Mr. Benny? Well, I would say that conditions in Hollywood are... That's enough. It's a scoop. Now, hold still for a moment. Shit! Winchell, Sullivan, I mean McIntyre, George Jean... I don't know. Sing, Crosby, Valley, or Baker. Okay. Mary, find me a cheap sanitarium, will you? Benny Baker singing, Carry Me Back to the Lone Prairie. And now tonight, folks, as I said before, we are starting a contest in which skill will play an important part. All you have to do is follow the rules closely and the winner will receive a cash prize amounting to... the mailman. See what it is, Mary. Come in, you little joy-spreader. It's a letter for you, Jack. Give it to me. It's from Regina Cascatchewan, the Canadian Northwest. It's a dear Jacques Benet. We have been listening to your... I hope they talk like that. We have been listening to your programs every Sunday and have heard enough about Hollywood and its climate. We people up here in the frozen north eat jello too. Why don't you do a play about our part of the country? Our home is near the Yukon. So give us a play of the northwest, or you'll know what Yukon do. Hmm, she thinks she's funny. Signed Victoria Van Cooper. Must be wealthy people. Do you know anybody up that way, Mary? Uh, just Winnie Pegg. Oh, I see. He has much, Jack, and I've even named a town after you. It's called Moose Jaw. Please do not ignore this letter. I wish people would give us a little more notice. Mary, we've got a play of the northwest. How about Tobacco Road? No, Mary, the northwest, ice, snow, zero. Where can we get a play like that? I can write one, Jack. You can? Well, hurry up. Maybe we can do it. Make it snappy, Mary, will you? There you are, Jack. I thought I'd never get it. Let's see it. Sergeant Bendy of the Northwest Mounted Police. Bird trappers report bird stolen. They notify you the Mounties. Second and third acts will need a little fixing. Well, anyway, folks, this play will go on immediately after Johnny Green's next number. Say, Johnny, can you play the part of a French-Canadian? I can play the whole thing. Oh. How about you, Wilson? Parlez-vous Française? No, I just play one horse at a time. Oh, do I step into those things, then? Parlez-vous Française. Mounted musicians playing mile a minute with Johnny at the piano. Sergeant Bendy of the Northwest Mounted. The scene takes place in Alaska between Fairbanks and Pickford. Do you know him? Am I cold tonight, huh? Mary, you wrote this, didn't you? Yes. Well, the Northwest Mounted are in Canada. I made it Alaska. It's colder out there. Oh, I see. Well, then remember, boys, we're all French-Alaskins. Uh, you're really Texas Rangers that got lost. Oh, oh, I see. Okay, then. Sergeant Bendy of the Northwest Mounted. Curtain. Music. When the moon comes over the mountain of the Northwest Mounted, please. But, speaking, you've been robbed. Well, get your own man. It's too cold tonight. He is cold up here in Alaska. Shoo! Yep. She's a cold night. Here he comes, more snow. Now, where, uh, is Officer Andre? Andre is in his igloo. Igloo? What is an igloo? A lot of ice with our ginger ale. Oh, well, tell Andre I want for to see him. Andre? The sergeant, he wants for to see you. Abba-dabba-gow-tow. What's that? I'm an Eskimo. Here I am, sergeant. Andre, look at the thermometer. What does she say? Eat these 40 jello zero. Forty-a, what is A-T and T? 171. Find me... Find me 10 shares of thermometer. And keep the window closed so it'll go up. Now, Mary, where does our play go from here? Uh, wait a minute, Jack. Just a minute, I'll have it. The first line is mine. Andre, where are the rest of the mounted police? Where is John and P.S.? They're having trouble with their horses. Mary and Alaska, they have dogs. They have them in New York too, but I want horses. Send for them, Andre. You send for us and we out here. What do I say? Here's your part, Kenny. Oh, hello, Sarge. I hear you are having trouble with the horses. We will. We play them to win and they come in second. I thought that would get a bigger laugh. Yes, so did I. Now, listen, you are all brave men, but you hang around and do nothing. What do you want that we shall do, Sarge? The book he showed we have been here 12 years. There have been 435 robbery and 12 murder there. And not once did you get your man. What do you say to Dee? Maybe we're not the type. There is something to that. Come in. Ice cream cones? No, not today. What was that, Mary? I just put that in as a menace. Oh. Go ahead, Jack. Now I warn you, men, these cannot go on any longer. You must either get your man or get out. Who is that? That's Benny Rubin. I wrote a part for him too. Oh, is Rubin in there? Yes. Oh, come in. I beg your pardon, but is this the Norse Western mountain place I'm speaking to? Gordon, it is. I mean, we. What is the trouble? Well, it's in the first trap and business I'm in. And I'm just trying to make an honest living skin and skunk than mine in me own business. What do you think happened? Tell him to me. Well, this morning when I woke up, some team skinned me out of me skunk skin. And if I'm lying to you, I hope to be bitten by a snake and have to take 3 drinks of good liquor. You say you were skunked out of your skin? Norse was skinned out of me skunked. What, uh, what is he supposed to be, Mary? A Greek. Oh. Well, go back and take it again. Will you, Rubin, agree this time? All right, all right, all right. Come in. Pardon me. Is this the Norse Western mountain place I'm speaking on? Madam, is that, is that what you wanted, Mary? I don't know. I think so. Oh. Well, what is the trouble? About one year ago, I come here from Greece and I went to go into haunting business. I get myself haunting. Doc to catch the skunk. And the first thing he does is catch my brother. Sir, I want to tell you that at that time I was making very big money. But one fine day, I found me a dialogue changing on me. Your dialogue changing? Yes, sir. But you believe it? For a business. And here I am, I felt the care, feeling in the skin you lost to catch. Hey, wait. Did you ever meet Slapperman? Slapperman, of course. He's my Hollywood representant. Sergeant. Thank you. Mine first was stolen this morning and our skin cannot walk away without the animal eat. We have just heard what this man said. There is a fur thief in the northwest. Now do your duty. Keep up the good name of the northwest mountain. Go and get your man. Sergeant, where can we find this man? I have a clue. Here, you go to Manitoba. John, you go to Manhattan. And Andre, you go to, uh... To Montreal. Right. Get going. Thank you, Sergeant. And say by the boy, in the meantime, if your wife wants a nice piece of 20th-century font, here's my card. Slapperman is snorrious. Skinner's then furrious. We're a chiptune. Well, Mary, where does our play go from here? While Mary is writing the next scene, let me tell you about Jello. It has that new, extra-rich, fresh fruit flavor and tastes twice as good as ever before. So be sure to look for the big red letters on the package. Is it ready yet, Mary? No. Then let me tell you about our contest. Tonight we are starting an unusual contest in which every member of your family can participate. The first prize, without any strings whatsoever attached to it, will be the sum of... Here it is, Jack. I wonder what the boys are doing now. So do I. That's your line, Jack. Oh, I see. I wonder what the boys are doing now. Come in. You are, Sergeant. You told us to get our man, and we got him. Here's the fellow who stole his fur. That he's not him. Hey, wait. What's the matter with you? You're not the wrong people. I pray for heaven's sake you wrote this. What do we do now? I don't know. What do you think, Jack? I don't know. What do you think, Reuben? Well, in a situation such as that... I've got what they do in pictures. That's it. But who are we going to kiss? Not me. Play, Johnny Grimm. Jazz music, some like ballads, some prefer grand opera. But here's one symphony everybody will go for. A fruit symphony made with jello. Try it on your family and you'll hear some compliments that will be music to your ears. To make fruit symphony, here's what you do. Dissolve a package of lemon jello in warm water and to chill. When it's thickened a bit, put in two cups of diced grapefruit, a half cup each of cut-up orange and pineapple. When you turn it out of the mold, you have a sunburst of color, clear glowing lemon jello with grapefruit, orange, and pineapple shining through. It's a swell wintertime fruit dessert and it tastes just as intriguing as it looks. Be sure, though, to make your fruit symphony with genuine jello, for only jello tastes extra rich, twice as good. Funny a program of the New Jello series and we'll be with you again next... Jack, here's a telegram that just came for you. Do you mind if I read it? No, no, Don, go right ahead. It says, Dear Jack, the jello family of all six flavors extends to you their heartiest congratulations on the splendid showing you made in the National Radio Editor's poll conducted annually by the New York World Telegram. Stop. For the second consecutive year, our jello program was voted the favorite of all the shows on the air. And for the third consecutive year, you were selected America's Outstanding Radio Comedian. Jello shares your justified pride in this fine accomplishment, signed to Clarence Francis, President General Food's Makers of Jello. Well, thanks, Don. I'm very, very happy about it. Thank you. I want to thank my author, Harry W. Kahn. All the members of my cast and everybody associated with the jello program and, of course, the radio editors for their kind consideration. And I'd like to say that, Frank Parker is sitting in our audience tonight who was a great figure in helping us win the poll last year. You forgot to mention me, Jack. I did say members of my cast. Hmm, fine name. Mary Cast. Well, good night, folks. What became of my contest? Broadcast and coverage.