 Irene Dunn, Fred McMurray's show, Irene Dunn is Susan, and Fred McMurray is George. Together in a gay new exciting comedy adventure, Bright Star. To clean up bills, buy things, make home improvements, you name it, just call beneficial finance. You pick the terms, you pick the payments. So call beneficial and get that beneficial finance company. Susan Armstrong, editor of the Hillsdale Morning Star, and Fred McMurray as George Harvey Ace Reporter. A corny song has it that when it's night time in Italy, it's Wednesday over here. Well, when it's morning in Hillsdale, it's early afternoon in Glasgow, Scotland. In the cable office in Glasgow, a crisp and elderly Scott is sending a cable drive. We can hardly understand a word he says. Can you take it, Dunn, and send it just like I say, lassie? But there's no such word in the language, man. Send it, I say. How may I think it's nonsense? See, you're gibberish, I tell ya. It's Indian. Indian? I America's forms of the savages. Have to check it. What sort of Indian? Well, half Indian, half Scottish. Oh, there's no such tribe. Penod, Scott. Oh, you're right, man. Patience for wonder at sea and we never having met. Send it. Hi. Sign it. Love Andrew. I've got to catch me a howling aerial plane. Love Andrew. Nope. Sweet. Love Andrew. In this, I'm all in. Love Andrew. Patience to you, sure, this cable ramp for you. Is there? Well, who is Love Andrew? Search me. E-I-N-U-S-A-M-O-N. This is no such word. Something is gravely lost off someplace. Let's call George at the office. Let him try. It doesn't make sense. That's why I left call George. It's all yours. Knucklehead. Hello. Yes. Sammy, why? Shouldn't have stopped. What's the matter? It's some Caribbean or something? What does it say? If I knew what it says, George, I wouldn't have. Touché. I think it says. Is it spelled C-U-I-N-U-S-A-M-O-N? And C-U-N-U-S-A-M-O-N Monday. C-U-N-U-S-A Monday. Love Andrew. Next. Why, of course, George. How did you know? A dear friend named Max Murray. That's how he'd send a cable ground from Scotland. Only pays the rate for one word, see? You saved money that way. Oh. How about dinner tomorrow night, Susan? Wonderful. Wait. At your house. Save money that way. Love. You may take my plate, patient. Mine, too, patient. Love. Andrew. Well, what's for dessert? A soulful surprise. Love. Stop that muttering. Love. Andrew. Love. Andrew. Must be mutters day. Andrew. Patience. Great Scott. You said it. Douglas Andrew. Donald Bain McCloud. That whole armful of my best china. Oh, I got my hands full with Sculptor now. Oh, whoa. What is this? You don't look well. Why should I? I'm dead. Here. Sit up. Now it comes to me like a belt from the blues. You mean Andrew? What am I going to do? We brought these broken dishes for a starter. Wait until Andrew McCloud finds out his last relative is nothing but a housekeeper in the land of promise. Well, now what's wrong with saying the housekeeper? Andrew McCloud. One of the most distinguished such men in the business. Why in Glasgow, the sun rises and sets in that man. Well, maybe he can enjoy lunch and peace anyway. He's a distant uncle by marriage. My folks rest their souls. Used to tell Sir Andrew I was a big operator in the USA. Sir Andrew. In a democracy patient, your vote is as big as the boss's. Yeah, you tell that to his lordship. His lordship? At least. Pretty big gun in Glasgow, eh? And loaded. Do you mean that? Ruling. And he loyal. His nearest a kin weaving my broken way to the arm pound. What am I going to do? First, why don't you sweep up these busted dishes? He said execute your other duties with pride and dignity. Oh, sure. Here's my only remain relative, which is the men coming across. Only when he finds out I'm the hired help, he won't come across. What would you do in my place? Well, I just... Well, I... You would? Well, what would you do in my place? Tell me. Set me free. No. No. What would you do in my place? That's the point. Huh? Patient, you be the lady of the matter while your uncle is here, and I'll be the housekeeper. Atta girl, Susan. Bravo. You kidder. I'll be the housekeeper. And George will be the houseman. Bravo, Bravo. Oh, no. You two wage slaves got references? Oh, now don't still worry about us. Us? Include me out. And it would be a nice feature story for the paper when it's over. I won't do it. This is an assignment, Mr. Harvey. Oh, pulling rank on me, huh? Wait a minute. I never allowed a hired help to get into such a dog, you know. Who's going to mind the office while we play Dorothy Burnham of Haddon Hall with pretty patients here? Now, we'll take turns at the office. We'd better take a turn at the office. Well, we'd better take a turn in our little old brains. We've got a screws, I'll tell you now. Oh, this is the interesting experience. Well, I'm going to like it. Well, whoever is working for whom, get that. I'll get it. Hello? Did you get my cable? My cable? Aye. Who's my cable? The cloud. Oh, are you Mr. McLeod? Yes. Sir? Aye, who is this? I'm Miss Susan. Aye. I mean my comps. I mean... I mean your mix of... I mean my mix. I mean... Here, give me that phone. Oh, just a moment, Miss. I'm a cable. Oh, the help one gets nowadays. Back to the few stories made. Hello? Sir Andrew? Sir Andrew? Welcome to the USA, honk. Hey, watch this services. Well, things we've both got along in the world. Hey. I've been tapped on the shoulder until the move along, but never by the queen. Where are you, uncle? At the air port. Send the limousine will you, girl? I'll send my house then. Say, put your lordship. Hey, watch this lordship. George, go pick up Sir Andrew at the air port. Now, didn't the parachute open? Well, ain't we playing turnabout? Yes. Beautiful lady, veer to veer. Ah, not the ballad I saw in Miss Python. Him and then smart remarks for him. He was dropping the aid, Bob. Don't wait her once. Allow me to ignite your pipe, Mr. McLeod. Sir? Thank you, madam. Thank you. Madam, you may clear away the tea thing, Susan. Yes, ma'am? I had a dick in his own time finding you in the telephone book. Somebody said look under Armstrong. How is that? Well, um, that's the ancestral name of this house. It mixes up the mootras and gives me a bit of privacy. Good idea. Is there anything else, ma'am, before I retire? May I ask a question, Susan? Are you a hand at cooking haggis? Yes, ma'am. Why, um... It's delicious. A haggis? Absolutely our specialty around here. Isn't that so, George? Quite so, ma'am. It's, uh, haggis for dinner tomorrow, Susan, and no mistake. Uh, yes, ma'am. I have a genuine Scottish hospitality in the wilds of America. Here, patience may go. We aim to please, Aunt. You're making a bullseye. Of course, ma'am. If I must be excused, ma'am. Good night, ma'am. Uh, Susan? Uh, la France. We're not so stupid out here, Uncle, you know? Good night, ma'am. Good night, sir. Good night, sir. I'll, uh, moat the flounder. I've been batting down the grill for the night, Miss Patience. Uh, do that, then. Good night, you two. A haggis? A haggis. First, catch one haggis. But what is it? It's the Scottish national dish from what I remember before I was bought by that dumb waiter. Well, what am I going to do? Uh, change places with patience again. A haggis? Well, that isn't the limit. The hot dog of the Highlands, the clan big of the clans, is the limit at the top. I, um... Miss Susan, about this haggis, Patience. Oh, you can do it, Miss Susan. Get in there and fight. What is it? Well, you just make it and let me get it. Good boy. Wait, Patience. Wait a minute. I can't make it. Had enough, huh? Oh, shut up. You've got to make it. Her legacy hangs in the balance. Well, I can't do it. That's all. You about? No. You have to eat haggis and lies. Oh, Miss Susan. You aren't going to leave Patience in the lurch, are you? Don't leave silly, Patience. No respectable lurk would have you. No, don't worry, Patience. I'll stick to the finish. The idea at the moment is stick to the Scottish. We've got to keep the old goat happy, Miss Susan. Susan, if this deserving woman here is disinherited, merely because you shun your responsibility as... Oh, quiet, quiet. I'm heard. Haggis, yes. But probably cost a fortune. It's an investment in the future. Oh, quiet. I'm heard. I know what I'll do. I'm wounded. I'll just find me a nice, fat cookbook. It ought to be delicious with gravy and peas, but is it the haggis? There'll be haggis for dinner tomorrow if it kills me. Or somebody. I'm strong coming in today, Mr. Harvey. Doubt it. How come? Something cooking. What? Haggis. Haggis? Uh, forget it. You mean that stuff that looks like boiled granite? Have you eaten haggis? Well, Gordy Cameron in my school invites me over to his mom's house for dinner. And I watched them eat it. What's in it? Well, all I can say is if it doesn't make the Scotchman braids, it sure keeps them braids. But braids. Got it. Let her the loaves. I mean, let's not go through that again. Hello. Gordy, do you know what haggis is? All I can say if it doesn't make the Scotchman braids is... A different auction of meats and liver and kidneys and other giblets like that, mixed with oatmeal and stewed and stuff and cooked in a sheep's stomach. Hmm. Isn't that pretty rough on the sheep? Now, let's not be jolly. Now, I've been through a harrowing experience. Think of what the sheep is in for. I've been trying to buy the making all over, all of which is I deal with just shake their heads and try to give me a nice soup bone to take home for the dog. What dog? That's just if they know I haven't got a dog. They're feeling sorry for poor little me and trying to be tactful. Tears brimming their eyes. They hint that maybe I ought to give up trying to edit a newspaper and go to work for somebody else. You have gone to work for somebody else. I've got a bag full of nice, rich soup bones, but no haggis stuff. Well, you'll just have to get back in there and pitch, honey. No. Say, Laguerre. I won't say so, sitting looks anymore. Anyhow, nobody seems to have a sheep's stomach. Have you tried a circus side show? Oh. Hello. Susan. Alana Dune. Healin' Lassie. Alan. Uh, Sammy. Sammy, would Gordie Cameron's mother do cooking, do you think? Would she? She's fresh out of work. Oh, what about her husband? She's a widow, lady. And out of work, huh? Yes, I heard. The last you heard, Sammy, she was in line to understudy Miss Susan Armstrong as Healin' Lassie in Mutton Mutton Who's Got the Mutton. Can you something? Oh, I see. Eighty percent of learning is seeing. Oh, I see. School achievement depends upon your ability to learn. Oh, I see. Now, hush, puppy. Your records show that you haven't been doing too well in school. Oh, I see. What might the reason be? Maybe I don't see. Maybe. That's why the American Optometric Association recommends a professional vision examination at least once a year. Zireen Dunn and Fred McMurray and the second act of our story. It seems that Sammy the copy boy has a friend whose mother is Scottish. And George, still pretending to be the butler in Susan's house while Susan pretends to be the housekeeper, is visiting Mrs Cameron with an eye on having her prepare the haggis of which patient Scottish Uncle is so fond. I understand, Mrs Cameron, that you're an expert at preparing haggis. It's for a prince. Aye. Well, of course, he'll never live if he came. What's that you're saying? Nothing, madam. Nothing at all. Harry is slender in my cooking. Oh, no, no. Harry and play in the haggis isn't he? Good for him. Oh, no, no. It's food for the gods. I don't cook for the gods. The mortal raises more to my liking. Now, what do you want from that? Well, it's a funny situation. Ha, ha, ha, ha. I'm Sarah Berson with Mary. Is he? We have to make haggis for a visitor from Scotland. He landed her lowland. Oh, well, I don't know. He's a MacLeod. Ah, I like my good man himself. And he loves the haggis. Ah, true believer. Sheep or cow. Old goat. The haggis, you clubhead. The haggis. Oh, well, Miss Susan, the housekeeper, can't find the necessary ingredients. Simplest thing on earth. Well, would you come and cook it for us, Mrs Cameron, for old langzine or something? Uh, for a small fee, being a poor woman. Oh, naturally that. And old langzine. Aye. And the haggis. Aye. Aye, lads. Thank you. You are, Bonnie. Thank you. And the patients will mix the oatmeal with the onion and the syrup. Well, the first time I ever took orders in my own baby. And remember, my reputation as a hostess and heiress are at stake. Stake. What, I'd give her a thick, juicy steak. Susan, do you mean we've got to eat these haggis just because Andy McLeod is infatuated with the stuff? He'll make a man of your land. I don't want to be a man at such a price. I want to remain a guileless, healing ladi, aye. Now don't mimic Bonnie, George. Haggis. Andrew McLeod wants us to dine with him. Never. Well, we have to do it for patients. Aye. Stop mimicking Bonnie. Aye, you're not mimicking Bill. It's the irresistible charm of Scotland and of Scotland. Aye, Bonnie. Aye. The haggis. It looks lovely. Yes. I just remembered. I've got to report to my probation officer. You don't have to go tonight, George. Sit down. Yes, ma'am. Now, where will we, Aunt? The haggis. A testimony of our national gift for making the most out of little. In Scotland, we bring the haggis into the dining room with the scurril of the bagpipes. What did you play? A dirge? A dirge? A braille. Shall we dig in, folks? Yeah, six feet down and bury the stuff. George. Leave the table. Thanks. Sit down. I wasn't gone too long, was I? Patience. What on earth heals the poor man? He's enough. Ain't saying who. Patience. Dig in, folks. No standing on ceremony here. Well, how is it, sir? Here, sir. Have my share, too. What's Amy? Oh, please. I declined. Oh, we insist. You've got to sample the miracle you've wrought, Susan. Oh, me? Go on, Susan. Eat hearty. Uh, dares go first. Altogether, then, like a toast. To the forty-five. Oh, what's that? It is the date of our great Bonnie Prince Charlie's rebellion against the Hanoverian tyrant. George, stop clapping your feet. To the forty-five, then. Open your eyes. Be a man. Eat. Well, here goes. Pure paradise. How about you, folks? Susan? Goodness. It's good. It's a masterpiece. George, you frowning brute. Hey, it is good. Give me elbow room. I am eating. Patience. That was a Bonnie dinner eye. Hit the spot, all right. Susan, you did marvelous. Oh, mercenary. Very simple. Especially the house. How could we miss? I'm grateful to you, Patience. Well, only you know it still puzzles me why this place is listed under the name of Armstrong. A camera for the life of... Anybody put some after-dinner music? If you sing, and if you sing as Bonnie as you look, I... Do you can lock, Lohman? Oh, specialty of the house. It's a lovely song. Oh, Bonnie, come in, Bonnie. Hi. Bonnie, this is everybody. Everybody, this is Bonnie. My young Bonnie, sir. Mr. Cameron, this is Mr. Andrew McLeod. My wealthy uncle. How do you do, Mr. McLeod? You sing pleasant, Mrs. Cameron. Indeed. Patience doesn't come back to the kitchen soon. We'll be eating out of paper plates. Susan, I've been thinking. No remarks. Don't worry. Eleven. Well, Patience is in so solid with her uncle, thanks to us, that he'll leave her half a glass of. Which means I'll lose her. Exactly what's been worrying me. Yeah, well, what to do? I've been doing it. Training Mrs. Cameron to replace Patience. Oh, well, great. Great. Susan, I've got a bone to pick with you. Roll with each other, girls. I'm off tonight. This means you too, George. Three on a bone? I'm going to know how you stand on this camera and dame. Oh, stand? She made the blankety haggars. Now what? Well, since you bring it up, Patience. Uh-huh. Well, there's no uh-huh about it, Patience. You're going to be a rich woman. We'll need somebody to replace you. Like who? Well, you won't want to work as a housekeeper anymore. Who won't? You'll be rich. I'll treat you like an equal. Oh, many, many thanks. It's a democracy. No, no, Patience, it wouldn't work. Besides, it wouldn't be fair to somebody who might really need the job. Bunny Cameron, I suppose. Well, I... That does it. Well, I've got to have somebody help me. What's wrong with your butler, George? Has he got a broken leg? Patience, you're living this idea too much. Besides, we have a newspaper to run on the side. Remember? Who? Well, having no rich uncle to boss, that's the way I make my living. Hey, what's this? What's this? Not for nothing. A merely firing Susan, uncle. What? Susan, you're fired. Fine. Patience, don't be silly. You too. Good. Two weeks' pay and lieu of notice, you know. That's the rules, ma'am. Just a minute, none of that. None of that. No, think nothing of it, sir. Miss Patience is in the throes of feeling her oats. A horsey expression. This is the expression the good Lord give me, and I'm proud of it. Miss Patience, couldn't stand prosperity, sir. Ah, which brings me to the point I've been coming to this past week. Patience, I'm proud of you. Always in their pigeon-nunk. It would be an insult and a humiliation for me to burden you with even greater riches than you already possess. Rich? Who's rich? Oh, dear. So I'm not leaving my estate to you such as it is. In two words. Your disinheritance, Patience. That's three words, but it says it. I am dead. You're looking most happy. I'm fatally dead. Mr. MacLeod, this has gone far enough. You've gone far enough. But keep a civil tongue in your head. Susan is just trying to explain. You two, Patience. Miss Patience to you. But Patience. You too. Oats. You too sure fixed me good. But I want silence. Pretty corny. You're canned. Canned corn. Both of you. A house without them too. Evening, Mom. Miss Susan George. Yes, ma'am. You sigh at George. Well, we were thinking if you'd consider our apology. We've been together so long. Things would never be the same. Least ways with me. Me too. Same here. If you'll allow us to see Mr. MacLeod. He's gone. Gone? Where? Scotland. Where's Bonnie? Gone. Where? Scotland. No. Oh, how nice. They'll be in Scotland together. Can we come in now? So you wouldn't have inherited Uncle Andrew's loot anyhow. Well, it doesn't get thrown out of work. But I had to fire you two before you explained to Andy that I really was a poor woman. Anyway, I... Anyway. Now, can we come in now? You won't get sore at me, Miss Susan. For? No. Why? Anyway, if I'd kept eating your cooking much longer, I'd have been the first to go, not Andy. Patience. You said you wouldn't get mad. Can we come in now? I'm not mad. But I'm pretty doggone hungry. Miss Susan, you've come to the right place. How about letting us in then? It's a freezing out here in the porch. It should... Hush! Oh, gesundheit, Mr. Harvey. Oh, bless you, Joe. Oh, thank you. Doge, could we come in? I don't want to be the first to go. Our stars Irene Dunn and Fred McMurray will be back in just a moment. Buy things, make home improvements. You name it. Just call Beneficial Finance. You pick the terms. You pick the payments. So call Beneficial and... Get that! Beneficial Finance Company. Prince Charlie. Oh, he was a prince and he was Bonnie. Oh. All you got to do is ask. Thanks. Susan. I? Uh, nothing. Go ahead. No, just nothing. Sometimes, all you got to do is ask. Susan. Yeah. Just ask, too. Well, would you cook some haggis for me sometime? And Fred McMurray will be back next week in another exciting comedy adventure in the Gay New Series, Bright Star. This is Wendell Niles inviting you to join us then.