 chapter 38 of the Spanish Brothers by Deborah Alcock this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org chapter 38 nuera again happy places have grown holy if you went where once you went only tears would fall down slowly as at solemn sacrament household names that used to flutter through your laughter unawares God's divine one ye can utter with less trembling in your prayers e.b. Browning a chill and rary torpor stole over one's fiery spirit after the auto the settled conviction that his brother was dead took possession of his mind moreover his soul had lost its hold upon the faith which he once embraced so warmly he had consciously ceased to be true to his best convictions and those convictions in turn had ceased to support him his confidence in himself his trust in his own heart had been shaken to its foundations and he was very far from having gained in its stead that strong confidence in God which would have infinitely more than counterbalanced its loss thus two or three slow and melancholy months were away then fortunately for him events happened that forced him in spite of himself to the exertion that saves from the deadly slumber of despair it became evident that if he did not wish to see the last earthly treasure that remained to him swept out of his reach forever he must rouse himself from his lethargy so far as to grasp and hold it for now don manuel commanded his word to bestow her hand upon his rival senor luiz rotello in her anguish and dismay Beatrice fled for refuge to her kind hearted cousin doña inez doña inez received her into her house where she soothed and comforted her and soon found means to dispatch an escalita or pillet to don Juan to the following effect doña Beatrice is here remember my cousin that a leap over a ditch is better than another man's prayer to which Juan replied immediately senora and my cousin i kiss your feet lend me a helping hand and i take the leap doña inez desired nothing better being a Spanish lady she loved an intrigue for its own sake being a very kindly disposed lady she loved an intrigue for a benevolent object with her active cooperation and assistance and her husband's connivance it was quickly arranged that don Juan should carry off doña Beatrice from their house to a little country chapel in the neighborhood where a priest would be in readiness to perform the solemn rite which should unite them forever thence they were to proceed at once to nuera don Juan disguising himself for the journey as the lady's attendant doña inez did not anticipate that her father and brothers would take any hostile steps after the conclusion of the affair glad though they might have been to prevented since there was nothing which they hated and read it so much as a public scandal all who once latent fire and energy woke up again to meet the peril and to secure the prize he was successful in everything the plan had been well late and was well and promptly carried out and thus it happened that amidst december snows he bore his beautiful bride home to nuera in triumph if triumph it could be called overcast by the ever-present memory of the one who was not which rested like a deep shadow upon all joy and subdued and chastened it few things in life are sadder than a great long-expected blessing coming thus like a friend from a foreign land whose return has been eagerly anticipated but who after years of absence meets as changed in countenance and in heart unrecognizing and unrecognized Dolores welcomed her young master and his bride with affection and thankfulness but he noticed that the dark hair at the time of his last visit still only threaded with silver had grown wide as the mountain snows in former days Dolores could not have told which of the noble youths her lady's gallant sons had been the dearer to her but now she knew full well her heart was in the grave with a boy she had taken a helpless babe from his dying mother's arms but after all was he in the grave this was the question which he asked herself day by day and many times a day she was not quite so sure of the answer a senor don Juan seemed to be since the day of the auto he had assumed all the outward signs of mourning for his brother Freya Sebastian was also at Nuera and proved a real help and comfort to its inmates his very presence served to shield the household from any suspicions that might have been awakened with regard to their faith for who could doubt the orthodoxy of Don Juan Alvarez while he not only contributed liberally to the support of his parish church but also kept a pious Franciscan in his family in the capacity of private chaplain though it must be confessed that the phrase duties were anything but onerous now as in former days he showed himself a man fond of quiet who for the most part held his peace and let everyone do what was right in his own eyes he was now on far more cordial terms with Dolores than he had ever been before this was partly because he had learned that worse physical evils than Olas of lean mutton or cheese of goat's milk might be born with patience even with thankfulness but partly also because Dolores now really tried to consuit his tastes and to promote his comfort many a savory dish which the Freya used to like did she trouble herself to prepare many a flask of wine from their diminishing store did she gladly produce for the kind words that he spake to him in his sorrow and loneliness in spite of the depressing influences around her donya Beatriz could not but be very happy for was not Don Juan Harris all her own her own forever and with the zeal love inspires and the skill loving parts she applied herself to the task of brightening his darkened life not quite without effect even from that stern and gloomy brow the shadows at length began to roll away then Juan could not speak of his sorrow for weeks indeed after his return to Nuera his brother's name did not pass his lips better had it been otherwise both for himself and for Dolores her heart aching with its own lonely anguish and its vague dark surmising's often longed to know her young master's true innermost thought about his brother's fate but she did not dare to ask him at last however this painful silence was partially broken through one morning the old servant accosted her master with an air of some displeasure it was in the inner room within the hall holding in her hand a little book she said may please your excellency to pardon my freedom but it is not well done of you to leave this lying open on your table I am a simple woman still I am at no loss to know what and when it is if you will not destroy it and cannot keep it safe and secret I implore of your worship to give it to me Juan held out his hand for it it is dearer to me than any earthly possession he said briefly it had need to be dearer than your life senior if you mean to leave it about in that fashion I have lost the right to say so much Juan answered yet Dolores tell me would it break your heart if I sold this place you know it is mortgaged heavily already and quitted the country Juan expected a start if not a cry of surprise and dismay that alvarez de menaya should sell the inheritance of his father's seemed indeed a monstrous proposal in the eyes of the world it would be an act of insanity if not a crime what then would it appear to one who loved the name of sentianos in menaya far better than her life but the still face of Dolores never changed nothing would break my heart now she said calmly you would come with us she did not even ask with her she did not care all her thoughts were in the past that is of course senior she answered if I had but first assurance of one thing name it and if I can assure you I will instead of naming it she turned silently away but presently turning again she asked will your excellency please to tell me is it that book that is driving you into exile it is I'm bound to confess the truth before men and that is impossible here but are you sure then that it is the truth sure I've read God's message both in the darkness and in the light I have seen it traced in characters of blood and fire but forgive the question senior does it make you happy why do you ask because senior don Juan she spoke with an effort but firmly and fixing her eyes on his face he who gave you your book found therein that which made him happy I know it he was here and I watched him when he came first he was ill or else very sorrowful I know not why but he learned from that book that God Almighty loved him and that the Lord and Savior Christ was his friend and then his sorrow passed away and his heart grew full of joy so full that he must needs be telling me I and even that poor doled of a cura down there in the village about the good news and I think but here she stopped frightened at her own boldness what thank you asked Juan with difficulty restraining his emotion well senior don Juan I think that if that good news be true it would not be so hard to suffer for it blessed virgin could it be odd but joy to me for instance to lie in a dark dungeon or even to be hanged or burned if that could work out his deliverance there be worse things in the world than pain or prisons for where there's love senior moreover it comes upon me sometimes that the Lord inquisitors may have mistaken his case wise and learned they may be and good and holy they are of course to a sin to doubt it yet they may mistake sometimes it was but the other day my old eyes growing dim a pace that I took a blessed gleam of sunlight that had fallen on young oak table for a stain and set to work to rub it off the Lord forgive me for meddling with one of the best of his works and for ought we know just so may they be doing mistaking God's light upon the soul for the devil's stain of heresy but the sunlight is stronger than they after all Dolores you're half a Lutheran already yourself answered Juan in surprise I senior the Lord forbid I am an old Christian and a good Catholic and so I hope to die but if you must hear all the truth I would walk in a yellow San Benito with a taper in my hand before I would acknowledge that he ever said one word or thought one thought that was not Catholic and Christian too all his crime was to find out that the good Lord loved him and to be happy on account of it if that be your religion also senior don Juan I have nothing to say against it and as I have said God granting me in his great mercy one assurance first I am ready to follow you and your lady to the world's end with these words on her lips she left the room for a time Juan sat silent in deep thought then he opened the testament and turned over its leaves until he found the parable of the sower some fell upon stony places he read where they had not much earth and for with they sprang up because they had no deepness of earth and when the sun was up they were scorched and because they had no root they withered away there he said within himself in those words has written the history of my life from the day my brother confessed his faith to me in the garden of san ysidro God helped me and forgive my backsliding but at least it is not too late to go humbly back to the beginning and to ask him who alone can do it to break up the fallow ground he closed the book walked to the window and looked out presently his eye was attracted to those dear mystic words on the pain which both the brothers had loved and dreamed of her from their childhood and at that moment the sun was shining on them as brightly as it used to do in those old days gone by forever no vague dream of any good foreshadowed by the omen to him or to his house crossed the mind of the practical don Juan but he seems to hear once more the voice of his young brother saying close beside him look right the light is on our father's words and memory bore him back to a morning long ago when some slight boyish quarrel had been ended thus over his stern handsome face there passed a look that shaded and softened it and his eyes grew dim dim with tears but just then donya betris radiant from a morning walk and with her hands full of early spring flowers tripped in singing a spanish ballad betris was a child of the city and moreover her life either two had been an unloved and unloving one now her nature was expanding under the wholesome influences of home life and home love and of simple healthful pleasures looked on one what pretty things grow on your fields here i've never seen the like she said breaking off in her song to exhibit her treasures then Juan looked carelessly at them lovingly at her i would feign hear a morning hymn from those sweet tuneful lips he pleaded most willingly amigo meal song to see mom hush my beloved hush i entreat of you and laying his hand lightly on her shoulder he gazed in her face with a mixture of fond and tender admiration and of gentle reproach difficult to describe not that for the sake of all that lies between us in the old faith not that rather let us sing together vexio regis produnes for you know that between us and our king there stands and there needs to stand no human mediator do not my beloved i know that you are right answered betris still reading her faith in don Juan's eyes but we can sing afterwards whatever you like and as much as you will i pray you let us come forth now into the sunshine together look what a glorious morning it is end of chapter 38 chapter 39 of the spanish brothers by deborah alcock this is a librivox recording all librivox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit librivox.org chapter 39 left behind they are all gone into a world of light and i alone am lingering here henry von the change of seasons brought little change to those dark cells in the triana where neither the glory of summer nor the breath of spring could come while the world with its leaving interests its hopes and fears its joys and sorrows kept surging around them not even an echo of its many voices reached the doomed ones within who lay so near yet so far from all fast bound in misery and iron not yet had the deliverer come to carlos more than once he had seemed very near during the summer heat so terrible in that prison fever had wasted the captive's already enfeebled frame but this was the means of belonging his life for the eve of the outer found him unable to walk across his cell still he heard without very keen sorrow the fate of his beloved friends so soon did he hope to follow them and yet month after month life lingered on in his circumstances restoration to health was simply impossible not that he endured more than others or even as much as some he was not loaded with fetters or buried in one of the frightful subterranean cells where daylight never entered still when to the many physical sufferings his position entailed was added the weight of sickness weakness and utter loneliness they formed together a burden heavy enough to have crushed even a strong heart to despair long ago the last claim of human sympathy and kindness had faded from him maria gonzalez was herself a prisoner receiving such payment as men had to give her for her brave deeds of charity god's payment however was yet to come and would be of another sort her era the under jailer was humane but very timid moreover his duties seldom led him to that part of the prison where carlos lay so that he was left dependent upon the tender mercies of caspar penne video which were indeed cruel and yet in spite of all he was not crushed not despairing the lamb of patient endurance burned on steadily because it was continually fed with oil by an unseen hand it has been beautifully said the personal love of christ to you felt delighted in returned is actually truly simply without exaggeration the deepest joy and the deepest feeling that the heart of man or woman can know it will absolutely satisfy your heart it would satisfy your heart if it were his will that you should spend the rest of your life alone in the dungeon just this nothing else nothing less sustained carlos throughout those long slow months of suffering which had now come to add themselves and make the years it proved sufficient for him it has proved sufficient for thousands god's unknown saints and martyrs whose names we shall learn first in heaven those who still occasionally sought access to him in the hope of transforming the absent heretic into a penitent marveled greatly at the cheerful calm with which he was want to receive them and to answer their arguments sometimes he would even brave all the wrath of bened video and raising his voice as loud as he could he would make the gloomy vaults re-echo to such words as these the lord is my light in my salvation whom shall i fear the lord is my strength of my life of whom shall i be afraid or these whom have i in heaven but thee and there is none upon earth that i desire beside thee my flesh and my heart faileth but god is the strength of my heart and my portion forever but still it was not in christ's promise nor was it to be expected that his prisoner should never know hours of sorrow weariness and heart sinking such hours came sometimes and on the very morning when don Juan and doña Beatriz were going forth together into the spring sunshine through the castle gate of nuera carlos in his dungeon was passing through one of the darkest of these he lay on his mud his face covered with his wasted hands through which tears were slowly falling it was but very seldom that he wept now tears had grown rare in scars with him the evening before he had received a visit from two Jesuits bound on the only errand which would have procured their admission there irritated by his bold and ready answers to the usual arguments they had recourse to declamation and one of them be thought himself of mentioning the fate of the Lutherans who suffered at the two great autos of Valladolid most of the heretics said the Jesuit though when they were in prison they were as obstinate as thou art now yet had their eyes opened in the end to the error of their ways and accepted reconciliation at the stake at the last great act of faith held in the presence of king phillip only don carlos to say so here he stopped surprised at the agitation of the prisoner who had heard their threatenings against himself so calmly the say so just say so have they murdered him too moaned carlos and for a few brief moments he gave way to natural emotion but quickly recovering himself he said i shall only see him the sooner were you acquainted with him ask the Jesuit i loved and honored him my avowing that cannot hurt him now answered carlos who had grown used to the bitter thought that any name would be disgraced and its owner imperiled by his mentioning it with affection but if you'll do me so much kindness he added i pray you to tell me anything you know of his last hours any word he spoke he could speak nothing said the younger of his two visitors before he left the prison he had uttered so many horrible blasphemies against holy church and our lady that he was obliged to wear the gag during the whole ceremony lest he should offend the little ones this last cruel wrong the refusal of leave to the dying to speak one word in defense of the truths he died for stank carlos to the quick it rang from lips so patient hitherto words of indignant threatening god will judge your cruelty he said go on fill up the measure of your guilt for your time is short one day and that soon there will be a grand spectacle grander than your autos then shall you torturers of god saints call upon the mountains and rocks to cover you and to hide you from the wrath of the lamb once more alone his passionate anger died away and it was well surrounded as he was on every side by strong cold relentless wrong and cruelty if his spirit had bitten its wings against those bars of iron it would soon have fallen to the ground faint and helpless with crushed pinions it was not in such vain strivings that he could find or keep the deep calm peace with which his heart was filled it was in the quiet place in his saviour's feet from wence if he looked at his enemies at all it was only to pity and forgive them but though anger was gone a heavy burden of sorrow remained decesses noble form shrouded in the hideous zamara his head crowned with a carossa his face disfigured by the gag these were ever before his eyes he well now forgot that all these was over now that for him the conflict was ended and the triumph began could he have known even as much as we know now of the clothes of that heroic life it might have comforted him don carlos de ceso met his doom at the second of the two great autos celebrated at vaya dolive during the year 1559 at the first the most steadfast sufferers were francisco de vibero casaya one of a family of confessors and antonio herithuello whose pathetic story the most thrilling episode of spanish martirology would need an abler pen than ours during his lingering imprisonment of a year and a half de ceso never varied his own clear testimony to the truth never compromised any of his brethren informed at last that he was to die the next day he requested writing materials these being furnished him he placed on record a confession of his faith which yorende the historian of the inquisition thus describes it would be difficult to convey an idea of the uncommon vigorous sentiment with which he felt two sheets of paper though he was then in the presence of death he handled what he had written to the alcozill with these words this is the true faith of the gospel as opposed to that of the church of rome which has been corrupted for ages in this faith i wish to die and then the remembrance and lively belief of the passion of jesus christ to offer to god my body now reduced solo all that night and the next morning were spent by the friars in vain endeavors to induce him to recant during the auto though he could not speak his countenance showed the steadfastness of his soul a steadfastness which even the site of his beloved wife amongst those condemned to perpetual imprisonment failed to disturb when it last as he was bound to the stake the gag was removed he said to those who stood around him still urging him to yield i could show you that you ruin yourselves by not following my example but there is no time executioners light the fire that is to consume me even in the act of death it was given him though unconsciously to strengthen the faith of another in the martyr band was a poor man juan sanchez who had been a servant of the casayas and was apprehended in flanders with juan de leon he had bore himself bravely throughout but when the fire was kindled the robes that bound him to the stake having given way the instinct of self-reservation made him rush from the flames and not knowing what he did spring upon the scaffold where those who yielded at the last were one to receive absolution the attendant monks at once surrounded him offering him the alternative of the milder death recovering self-position he looked around him at one side knelt the penitents at the other motionless amidst the flames de seso stood as standing in his own high hall his choice was made i will die like de seso he said calmly and then walked deliberately back to the stake where he met his doom with joy another brave sufferer at this auto don domingo de rojas ventured to make appeal to the justice of the king only to receive the memorable reply never to be read without a shudder i would carry wood to burn my own son if he were such a wretch as thou all these circumstances carlos never heard on this side of the grave but in the quiet Sabbath keeping that remain it for the people of god there will surely be leisure enough to talk over past trials and triumphs at present however he only saw the dark side only knew the bear in bitter facts of suffering in death he had not merely loved de seso as his instructor he had admired him with a generous enthusiasm of a young man for a senior in whom he recognizes his ideal all that he himself would feign become if the spains had but known the day of their visitation he doubted not that man would have been their leader in the path of reform but they knew it not and so instead the chariot of fire had come for him for him and for nearly all the men and women whose hands carlos had been one to clasp in loving brotherhood losada tarayano ponce de leon doña isabella debayana doña maria debo orques all these honored names and many more did he repeat adding after each one of them at rest with christ somewhere in the depths of those dreary dungeons it might be that the heroic juliano his father in the faith was lingering still and also fray constantino and the young monk of sanizodro fray fernando but the prison walls sundered them quiet as hopelessly from him as the river of death itself earlier tae sometimes seemed to him only like things he had read or dreamed of during his fever indeed old familiar faces had often flitted around him doloris had beside him laying her hand on his burning brow fray sebastian taught him disjointed meaningless fragments from the schoolman who on himself either spoke cheerful words of hope and trust or else stopped idly of long forgotten trifles but all this was over now neither dream nor fancy came to break his utter terrible loneliness he knew that he was never to see one again nor doloris nor even fray sebastian the world was dead to him and he to it and as for his brethren in the faith they had gone to the light beyond the clouds and the rest beyond the storms where he would so gladly be why then was he left so long like one standing without in the cold why did not the golden gate open for him as well as for them what was he doing in this place what could he do for his master's cause or his master's honor he did not murmur by this time his saviour's prayer not my will but thine be done had been wrought into the texture of his being with a scarlet purple and golden threads of pain of patience and of faith but it is well for his tried once that he knows longing is not murmuring very full of longing were the words words rather of bleeding than of prayer that rose continually from the lips of carlos that day and now lord what wait time for end of chapter 39 chapter 40 of the spanish brothers by deborah alcock this is a librivox recording all librivox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit librivox.org chapter 40 is satisfactory penitent how long in thraldoms grasped by lay i knew not for my soul was black and knew no change of night or day cambell carlos was sleeping tranquilly in his dungeon on the following night when the opening of the door aroused him he started with sickening dread the horrors of the torture room rising in an instant before his imagination benedio entered followed by her era and commanded him to rise and dress immediately long experience of the santa cassa had taught him that he might as well make an inquiry of its doors and walls as of any of its officials so he obeyed in silence and slowly and painfully enough but he was soon relieved from his worst fear by seeing her era falls together the few articles of clothing he had been allowed to have with him preparatory to carrying them away it is only then a change of prison he thought and wherever they bring me heaven will be equally near his limbs and fiddled by two years of close confinement and lame from the effect of one terrible night were sorely tried by what he thought an almost interminable walk through corridors and down narrow winding stairs but at last he was conducted to a small posture door which greatly to his surprise benedio proceeded to unlock the kind-hearted her era took advantage of the moment when benedio was thus occupied to whisper we are bringing you to the dominican prison senor you will be better used there carlos thanked him by a grateful look and a pressure of the hand but an instant afterwards he had forgotten his words he had forgotten everything safe that he stood once more in god's free air and that god's own boundless heaven spangled with ten thousand stars was over him no dungeon roof between for one rapturous moment he gazed upwards thanking god in his heart but the fresh air he breathed seemed to intoxicate him like strong wine he grew feigned and leaned for support in her era courage senior it is not far only a few basis said the undergeller kindly wicked he was carlos wished the distance a hundred times greater but it proved quite long enough for his strength by the time he was delivered over into the keeping of a couple of lay brothers and locked by them into a cell in the dominican monastery he was scarcely conscious of anything save excessive fatigue the next morning was pretty far advanced before anyone came to him but at last he was honored with a visit from the prior himself he said frankly and with perfect truth i'm glad to find myself in your hands my lord to honor custom to fill himself an object of terror it is a new and pleasant sensation to be trusted even a wild beast will sometimes spare the weak but fearless creature that ventures to play with it and don fray riccardo was not a wild beast he was only a stern narrow conscientious man the willing and efficient agent of a terrible system his bra relaxed visibly as he said i have always sought your true good my son i'm well aware of it father and uh you must acknowledge the prior resumed that great forbearance and lenity have been shown towards you but your infatuation has been such that you have deliberately and persistently sought your own ruin you have resisted the wisest arguments the gentlest persuasions and that with an obstinacy which time and discipline seem only to increase and now at last as another auto buffet may not be celebrated for some time my lord vice inquisitor general justly incensed at your contumacy would feign have you thrown into one of the underground dungeons where believe me you would not live a month but i have interceded for you i think you're kindness my lord but i cannot see that it matters much how you deal with me now sooner or later in one form or another it must be death and i thank god it can be no more while a man might count 20 the prior looked silently in that steadfast sorrowful young face then he said oh my son do not yield to despair for i come to the this day with a message of hope i have also made intercession for thee with the supreme council of the holy office and i have succeeded in obtaining from that august tribunal a great and unusual grace carlos looked up a sudden flush on his cheek he hoped this unusual grace might be permission to cease a familiar face or he died but the priors next words disappointed him alas it was only the offer of escape from death on terms that he might not accept and yet such an offer really deserved the name the prior gave it a great and unusual grace for as has been already intimated by the laws of the inquisition at that time in force the man who had once professed heretical doctrines however sincerely he might have retracted them was doomed to die his penitence would procure him the favor of absolution the mercy of the guard instead of the stake that was all the prior went on to explain to carlos that upon the ground of his youth and the supposition that he had been led into error by others his judges had consented to show him singular favor moreover he added there are other reasons for this course of action upon which it would be needless and might be inexpedient to enter at present but they have their weight especially with me for the preservation therefore both of your soul and your body upon which i take more compassion than you do yourself i have in the first place obtained permission to remove you to a more easy and more helpful a confinement where besides other favors you will enjoy the great privilege of a companion constant intercourse with whom can scarcely fail to benefit you carlos thought this lost a doubtful boon but as it was kindly intended he was bound to be grateful he thanked the prior accordingly adding may i be permitted to ask the name of this companion you will probably find out here long if you conduct yourself so as to deserve it an answer carlos found so enigmatic that after several vain endeavors to comprehend it he gave up the task in despair and not without some apprehension that his long imprisonment had dealt his perceptions amongst us he is called don one the prior continued and this much i will tell you he is a very honorable person who had many years ago the great misfortune to be led astray by the same errors to which you cling with such obstinacy god was pleased however to make use of my poor instrumentality to lead him back to the bosom of the church he is now a true and sincere penitent diligent in prayer and penance and heartily detesting his former evil ways it is my last hope for you that his wise and faithful councils may bring you to the same mind carlos did not particularly like the prospect he feared that this wanted penitent would prove a noisy apostate who would seek to obtain the favor of the monks by vilifying his former associates nor on the other hand did he think it honest to accept without protest kindnesses offered him on the supposition that he might even yet be induced to recant he said i ought to tell you senior that my mind will never change god helping me rather than lead you to imagine otherwise i would go at once to the darkest cell in the triana my faith is based on the word of god which can never be overthrown the penitent of whom i speak use such words as these until god and our lady opened his eyes and now he sees all things differently so will you if god is pleased to give you the inestimable benefit of his divine grace for it is not of him that willeth nor of him that runneth but of god that showeth mercy said the dominican who like others of his order ingeniously managed to combine strong predestinarian theories with the creed of rome that is most true senior carlos responded about to resume said the prior for i have yet more to say should you be favored with the grace of repentance i am authorized to hold out to you a well-grounded hope that in consideration of your youth your life may even yet be spared and then if i was strong enough i might live out ten or twenty years like the last two carlos answered not without a touch of bitterness it is not so my son returned the prior mildly i cannot promise indeed under any circumstances to restore you to the world for that would be to promise what could not be performed and the laws of the holy office expressly forbid us to delude prisoners with false hopes but this much i will say your restraint shall be rendered so light and easy that your position will be preferable to that of many a monk who has taken the vows of his own free will and if you like the society of the penitent of whom i spoke anon you shall continue to enjoy it carlos began to feel a somewhat unreasonable antipathy to this penitent whose face he had never seen but what mattered the antipathies of a prisoner of the holy office he only said permit me again to thank you my lord for the kindness you have shown me though my fellow men cast out my name as evil and deny me my share of god's free air and sky and my right to live in his world i still take thankfully every word or deed of pity and gentleness they give me by the way for they know not what they do the prior turned away but turned back again a moment afterwards to ask what for the credit of his humanity he owed to have asked a year before do you stand in need of anything or have you any request you wish to make carlos hesitated a moment then he said of things within your power to grant my lord there is but one that i care to ask two brethren of the society of jesus visited me the day before yesterday i spoke hastily to one of them who was named fry isidore i think had i the opportunity i should be glad to offer him my hand now of all mysterious things in heaven or earth said the prior a heretics conscience is the most difficult to comprehend truly you strain at a net and swallow a camel but as for fray isidore you may rest content for good and sufficient reasons he cannot visit you here but i will repeat to him what you have said and i know well that his own tongue is a sharp weapon enough when used in the defense of the faith the prior withdrew and shortly afterwards one of the monks appeared and silently conducted carlos to a cell or chamber in the highest story of the building like the cells in the triana it had two doors the outer one secured by strong bolts and bars the inner one furnished with an aperture through which food or other things could be passed but here the resemblance ceased carlos found himself on entering in what seemed to him more like a whole than a cell though indeed it must be remembered that his eye was accustomed to 10 feet square it was furnished as comfortably as any room needed to be in that warm climate and it was tolerably clean a small mercy which he noted with no small gratitude best perhaps of all it had a good window looking down on the courtyard but strongly barred of course near the window was a table upon which stood an ivory crucifix and a picture of the Madonna in child but even before his eye took in all these objects it turned to the penitent whose companionship had been granted him as so great a boon he was utterly unlike all that he had expected instead of a fussy noisy pervert he saw a serene and stately old man with long white hair and beard and still clearly chiseled handsome features he was dressed in a kind of mantle of a nondescript collar made like a monk's cowl without the hood and bearing two large st. Andrew's crosses one on the breast and the other on the back in fact it was a compromise on Benito as Carlos entered he rose showing a tall spare figure slightly stooped and greeted his new companion with a gorgeous and elaborate bow but did not speak shortly afterwards food was handed through the aperture in the door and the half-starred prisoner from the Triana sat down with his fellow captive to what he assumed a really luxurious repast he had intended to be silent until obliged to speak but the aspect and bearing of the penitent quite disarranged his preconceived ideas during the meal he tried once and again to open a conversation by some slight courtes observation all in vain the penitent did the honors of the table like a prince in disguise and never failed to bow and answer yes senior or no senior to everything Carlos said but he seemed either unable or unwilling to do more as the day wore on this silence grew oppressive to Carlos and he marveled increasingly at his companion's want of ordinary interest in him or curiosity about him until at length a probable solution of the mystery dawned upon his mind as he considered the penitent an agent of the monks deputed to convert him very likely the penitent on his side regarded him in the light of a spy commissioned to watch his proceedings but this if it was true at all was only a small part of the truth Carlos failed to take into account the terrible effect of long years of solitude crushing down all the faculties of the mind and heart it is told of some monastery where the rules were so severe that the brethren were only allowed to converse with each other during one hour in the week that they usually sat for that hour in perfect silence they had nothing to say so it was with the penitent of the Dominican convent he had nothing to say nothing to ask curiosity and interests were dead within him dead long ago of absolute salvation yet Carlos could not help observing him with a strange kind of fascination his face was too still too coldly calm like a white marble statue and yet it was a noble face it was although not a thoughtful face the face of a thoughtful man asleep it did not lack expressiveness though it lacked expression moreover there was in it a look that awakened deem undefined memories shadowy things that fled away like ghosts whenever he tried to grasp them yet persistently rose again and mingled with all his thoughts he told himself many times that he had never seen the man before was it then an accidental likeness to some familiar face that so fixed and haunted him certainly there was something which belonged to his past and which even while it perplexed and baffled strangely soothed and pleased him at each of the canonical hours which were announced to them by the tolling of the convent bells the penitent did not fail to kneel before the crucifix and with the aid of a book and to rosary to read or repeat long latin prayers in a half audible voice he retired to rest early leaving his fellow prisoner supremely happy in the enjoyment of his lamp and his book of hours for it was two years since the eyes of the once enthusiastic young scholar had rested on a printed page or since the kindly gleam of lamp or fire had cheered his hollitude the privilege of refreshing his memory with the passages of scripture contained in the romish book of devotion now appeared an unspeakable boon to him and although accustomed as he was through a life of unbroken monotony the varied impressions of the day had produced extreme weariness of mind and body it was near midnight before he could prevail upon himself to close the volume and lie down to rest on the comfortable palette prepared for him he was just falling asleep when the midnight bell told out heavily he saw his companion rise throw his mantle over his shoulders and be take himself to his devotions how long these lasted he could not tell for the stately kneeling figure soon mingled with his dreams strange dreams of Juan as a penitent dressed in a san bonito and with white hair and an old man's face kneeling devoutly before the altar in the church at nuero but reciting one of the songs of the seed instead of depre fundis end of chapter 40 chapter 41 of the Spanish brothers by deborah alcock this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org chapter 41 more about the penitent I thus thy mother looked with such a sad yet half triumphant smile all radiant with deep meaning hymns a slight incident that occurred the following morning partially broke down the barrier of reserve between the two prisoners after his early devotions the penitent laid aside his mantle took abysm made of long slips of cane and proceeded with great deliberation and gravity to sweep out the room the contrast that his stately figure his noble air and the dignity of all his movements offered to the menial occupation in which he was engaged was far too pathetic to be ludicrous carlos could not but think that he wielded the lowly implement as if it were a chamberlain staff of office or a grand marshal's button he himself was well accustomed to such tasks for every prisoner of the santa casa no matter what his rank might be was his own servant and it spoke much for the revolution that had taken place in his ideas and feelings that though taught to look on all servile occupations as inevitably degrading he had never associated a thought of degradation with anything laid upon him to do or to suffer as a prisoner of christ and yet he could not endure to see his age and stately fellow prisoner thus occupied he rose immediately and earnestly and treated to be allowed to relieve him of the task pleading that all such duties owe to devolve on him as the younger at first the penitent resisted saying that it was part of his penance but when carlos continued to urge the point he yielded perhaps the more readily because his will like his other faculties was weakened for wonder of exercise then with more apparent interest than he had shown in any of his previous proceedings he watched the rather slow and difficult movements of his young companion you are lame senor he said a little abruptly when carlos having finished his work sat down to rest from the pulley carlos answered quietly and then his face beamed with a sudden smile for the secret of the lord was with him and he tasted the sweet strange joy that springs out of suffering born for him that look was the wire that drew an electric flash of memory from the clouds that veiled the old man's soul what that sudden flash revealed was a castle gate at which stood a stately yet slender form robed in silk in the fair young face tears and smiles were contending but a smile won the victory as a little child was held up and made to kiss a baby hand in farewell to its father in a moment all was gone only a vague travel and uneasiness remained accompanied by that strange sense of having seen or felt just the same thing before with which we are most of us familiar accustomed to solitude the penitent spoke aloud perchance unconsciously why did they bring you here he said in a half fretful tone you hurt me i have done very well alone all these years i am sorry to incomode you senior returned carlos but i did not come here of my own well neither unhappily can i go i am a prisoner like yourself but unlike you i am a prisoner under sentence of death for several minutes the penitent did not answer then he rose in taking a step or two towards the place where carlos sat gravely extended his hand i fear i have spoken unconsciously he said so many years have passed since i have conversed with my fellows that i have well knight forgotten how i ought to address them do me the favour senior and my brother to grant me your pardon carlos warmly assured him no offence had been given and taking the offered hand he pressed it reverently to his lips from that moment he loved his fellow prisoner in his heart there was an interval of silence then the penitent of his own accord resumed the conversation did i hear you say you are under sentence of death he asked i am so actually though not formally carlos replied in the language of the holy office i am a professed impenitent heretic and you so young to be a heretic no i meant so young to die do i look young even yet i should not have thought it to me the last two years seem like a long lifetime have you been two years then in prison poor boy yet i have been here 10 15 20 years i cannot tell how many i have lost the account of them carlos sighed and such a live was before him should he be weak enough to surrender his hope he said do you really think senior that these long years of lonely suffering are less hard to bear than a speedy though violent death i do not think it matters as to that was the penitent's not very opposite reply in fact his mind was not capable at the time of dealing with such a question so he turned from it instinctively but in the meantime he was remembering every moment more and more clearly that a duty had been laid upon him by the authority to which he so held itself in absolute subjection and that duty had referenced to his fellow prisoner i am commanded he said at last to counsel you to seek the salvation of your soul by returning to the bottom of the one true catholic and apotholic church out of which there is no peace and no salvation carlos saw that he spoke by road that his words echoed the thought of another not his own it seemed to him under the circumstances scarcely generous to argue he spurred to put forth his mental powers against the aged and broken man as one in like case would have spurred to use his strong right arm after a moment's thought he replied may i ask of your courtesy since you are on my father to bear with me for a little while that i may frankly disclose to you my real belief a bill could never be made in vain to that penitent's court see no heresy that could have been proposed would have shocked him half so much as the supposition that one castilian gentleman could be unconscious to another upon any account do me the favor to state your opinions senior he responded with a bow and i will honor myself by giving them my best attention carlos was little used to language such as this it induced him to speak his mind more freely than he had been able to do for the last two years but mindful of his experience with old father bernando at sanis odro he did not speak of doctrines he spoke of a person in words simply now for a child to understand but with a heart glowing with faith and love he told of what he was when he walked on earth of what he is at the right hand of the father of what he has done and is doing still for every soul that trusts him certainly the faded eye brightened and something like a look of interest began to dawn in the mournfully still and passive continents for a time carlos was aware that his listener followed every word and he spoke slowly on purpose to allow him so to do but then there came a change the listening look passed out of the eyes and yet they did not wonder once from the speaker's face the expression of the whole continents was gradually altered from one of rather painful attention to the dream look of a man who hears sweet music and gives free course to the emotions it is calculated to awaken in truth the voice of carlos was sweet music to his fellow captives ear and he would willingly have sat thus forever gazing at him and enjoying it carlos thought that if this was the reverence his idea of the satisfactory penitent they were not difficult to satisfy and he marveled increasingly that so was stood a man as a dominican prior should have put the task of his conversion into such hands for the piety so lorded in the penitent appeared to him mere passiveness the submission of a soul out of which all resisting forces had been crushed it is only life that resists he thought the dead they can move with or so ever they will intolerance always sets a premium on mental stagnation nay it actually produces it it makes a desert and calls it peace and what the inquisition d for the penitent thought it has done also for the penitent's fair fatherland was a resurrection of dead and buried faculties possible for him is such a resurrection possible for it and yet in spite of the deadness of heart and brain which he doubted not was the result of cruel suffering carlos loved his fellow prisoner every hour more and more he could not tell why he only knew that his soul was needed to his when carlos for fear of fatiguing him brought his explanations to a close both relapsed into silence and the remainder of the day passed without much further conversation but with a constant interchange of little kindnesses and courtesies the first sight that greeted the eyes of carlos when he awoke the next morning was that of the penitent kneeling before the pictured madonna his lips motionless his hands crossing his breasts and his face far more earnest with feeling it might be thought with devotion than he had ever seen it yet carlos was moved but suddened it grieved him sore that his aged fellow prisoner should pour out the last costly libation of love and trust left in his desolated heart before the shrine of that which was no god and a great longing awoke within him to lead back this weary and heavy laden one to the only being who could give him to rest if indeed he is one of god's chosen of his loved and redeemed ones he will be led back thought carlos who had spent the past two years in thinking out many things for himself certain aspects of truth which may be either strong courtesies or rank poisons as they are used had grown gradually clear to him opposed to the dominican prior upon most subjects he was at one with him upon that of predestination for he had need to be assured when the great water floods prevailed that the chain which kept him from drifting away with them was a strong one and therefore he had followed it up link by link until he came at last to the eternal purpose of god in which it was fast anchored since the day that he first learned it he had lived in the light of that great center truth i have loved thee thee individually but as he lay in the gloomy prison sentenced to die something more was revealed to him i have loved thee with an everlasting love therefore with loving kindness have i drawn me the value of this truth to him as to others lay in the double aspect of that word everlasting it's look forward to the boundless future as well as backward on the mysterious past the one was a pledge and assurance of the other and now he was taking to his heart the comfort it gave for the penitent as well as for himself but it made him not less but more anxious to be god's fellow worker in bringing him back to the truth in the meantime however he was quite mistaken as to the feelings with which the old man knelt before the picture of virgin and child his heart was stirred by no mystic devotion to the queen of heaven but by some very human feelings which had long lain dormant but which were now being gradually awakened there he was thinking not of heaven but of earth and of earth's warm beating joy and dull and what attracted him to that spot was on the representation of womanhood and childhood recalling though far off and faintly the fair young wife and babe from whom he had been cruelly torn years and years ago a little later as the two prisoners set over the bread and fruit that formed their morning meal the penitent began to speak more frankly than he had done before i was quite afraid of you senior when you first came he said and perhaps i was not guiltless of the same feeling towards you carlos answered it is no marvel companions and sorrows such as we are have great power either to help or to hurt one another you may truly say that returned the penitent in fact i once suffered so cruelly from the treachery of a fellow prisoner that it is not unnatural i should be suspicious how was that senior it was very long ago soon after my arrest and yet not soon for wary mantis of darkness and solitude i cannot tell how many i held out i mean to say i continued impenitent did you asked carlos with interest i thought as much do not think ill of me i intrigued of you senior said the penitent anxiously i am reconciled i have returned to the bottom of the true church and i belong to her i have confessed and received a solution i have even had the holy sacrament and if ill or in danger of death it is promised i shall receive su majestad at any time and i have upturned and detested all the heresies i learned from the valero from the valero did you learn from him the bell chick of carlos crimson for a moment then grew paler than before tell me senior if i may ask it how long have you been here that it's just what i cannot tell the first year stands out clearly but all the after years are like a dream to me it was in that first year that the catered i spoke of anon who was in prison with me you observe senior i had already asked for reconciliation it was promised me it was to perform penance to be forgiven to have my freedom pues senior i spoke to that man as i might to you freely and from my heart for i suppose him a gentleman i dare to say that their reverences had dealt somewhat hardly with me on the like idle words no doubt idle and weak god knows i have had time enough to repent them since for that man my fellow prisoner he who knew what prison was went forth straightway and delayed me to the lord's inquisitors for those idle words god in heaven forgive him and thus the door was shut upon me shut shut forever hide the me hide the me carlos heard but little of this speech he was gazing at him with eager kindling eyes were there left behind in the world any that it rung your heart to be apart from he asked in a trembling voice they are aware and since you came their looks have never ceased to haunt me why i know not my wife my child and the old man shaded his face while in his eyes long unused to tears there rose a mist like the cloud in form as a man's hand that foretold the approach of the beneficent rain which should refresh and soften the thirsty soil making all things young again senor said carlos trying to speak calmly and to keep down the wild tumultuous robbing of his heart senora boon i intrigued you tell me the name you bore amongst men it was a noble one i know true they promised to save it from this grace but it was part of my penance not to utter it if possible to forget it yet this once i do not ask idly this once have pity on me and speak it pleaded carlos with intense tremulous earnestness your face and your voice moved me strangely it seems to me that i could not deny you anything i am i ought to say i was don juan alvarez de santillanos y meñacha before the sentence was concluded carlos lay senseless at his feet end of chapter 41 chapter 42 of the spanish brothers by debora alcock this is a librivox recording all librivox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit librivox.org chapter 42 quiet days i think that by and by all things which were perplexed a while ago and life's long vain conjecturings will simple calm and quiet grow already around about me some august and solemn sunset seems deep sleeping in a dewy dome and bending over a world of dreams oh and meredith the penitent laid carlos gently on his palate he still possessed a measure of physical strength and the worn frame was easy to lift then he knocked loudly on the door for help as he had been instructed to do in any case of need but no one heard or at least no one heeded him which was not remarkable since during more than 20 years he had not on a single occasion thus summoned his jailers then in utter ignorance what next to do and in very great distress he went over his young companion helplessly wringing his hands carlos steered at last and murmured where am i what is it but even before full consciousness returned there came the sense taught by the bitter experience of the last two years that he must look within for aid he could expect none from any fellow creature he tried to recollect himself some bewildering awful joy had fallen upon him striking him to the earth was he free was he permitted to see who on slowly very slowly all grew clear to him he have raised himself grasps the penitent's hand and cried aloud my father are you better senior asked the old man with solicitude do me the favor to drink this wine father my father i am your son i am carlos alvarez the centellanos eat mangya do you not understand me father i do not understand you senior said the penitent moving a little away from him with a mixture of dignified courtesy and utter amazement in his manner strange to behold who is it that i have the honor to address oh my father i am your son your very son carlos i have never seen you till here yesterday that is quite true and yet nine nine interrupted the old man you are speaking wild words to me i had but one boy one one rodrigo the hair of the house of alvarez the mania was always called one he lives he is captain down one now the bravest soldier and the best truest hearted man on earth how you would love him would you could see him face to face yet no thank god you cannot my way the captain in his imperial machesties army said don juan in whose thoughts the great emperor was reigning still and i carlos continued in a broken agitated voice i born when they thought you dead i who opened my young eyes on this sad world that day god took my mother home from all its sin and sorrow i am brought here in his mysterious providence to comfort you after your long dreary years of suffering your mother did you say your mother my wife costan samia oh let me see your face carlos raised himself to a kneeling attitude and the old man laid his hand on his shoulder and gazed at him long and earnestly at length carlos removed the hand and drawing it gently upwards placed it on his head father he said you will love your son you will bless him will you not he has dwelt long amongst those who hated him and never spoke to him saving wrath and scorn and his heart pines for human love and tenderness don juan did not answer for a while but he ran his fingers through the soft fine hair so like hers he murmured dreamily thin eyes are hers too thark yes yes i do bless thee but who am i to bless god bless thee my son in the long long silence that followed the great convent bell rang out it was noon for the first time for 20 years the penitent did not hear that sound carlos heard it however agitated as he was he yet feared the consequences that might follow should the penitent amid any part of the penance he was bound by oath to perform so he gently reminded him of it father how strangely sweet the name sounded father at this hour you always recite the penitential sounds when you have finished we will talk together i have 10 000 things to tell you with a silent and reasoning submission that had become a part of his nature the penitent obeyed and going to his usual station before the crucifix began his monotonous task the fresh life newly awakened in his heart and brain was far from being strong enough as yet to burst the bonds of habit and this was well those bonds were his safeguard but for their wholesome restraint mind or body or both might have been shattered by the tumultuous rush of new thoughts and feelings but the familiar latin words repeated without thought almost without consciousness soothed the weary brain like a slumber meanwhile carlos thanked god with a full heart here then here in the dark prison the very abode of misery had god given him the desire of his heart fulfilled the longing of his early years now the wilderness and the solitary place were glad the desert rejoiced and blossomed as the rose now his life seemed complete its end answering its beginning all its meaning lying clear and plain before him he was satisfied rude rude i have found our father oh then i could but tell thee my roy was the cry of his heart though he forces lips to silence nor could the tears of joy that sprang unbeaten to his eyes be permitted to overflow since they might perplex and travel his fellow captive his father he had still a task to perform and to that task his mind soon bent itself perhaps instinctively taking refuge in practical detail from emotions that might otherwise have proved too strong for his wicked frame he set himself to consider how best he could revive the past and make the present comprehensible to the aged and broken man without overpowering or bewildering him he planned to tell him in the first instance all that he could about new era and this he accomplished gradually as he was able to bear the strain of conversation he talked of the lores and Diego described both the exterior and interior of the castle in fact made him see again the scenes to which his eye had been accustomed in past days with special minuteness did he picture the little room within the hall both because it was less changed since his father's time than the others and because it had been his favorite apartment and on the window he said there were some words written with a diamond doubtless by your hand my father my brother and i used to read them in our childhood we'd love them and dreamed many a wondrous dream about them do you not remember them but the old man shook his head then Carlos began El Dorado yes i remember now said Don Juan promptly and the golden country you had discovered was it not the truth as revealed in scripture asked Carlos perhaps a little too eagerly the penitent muse to space grew bewildered said it last sorrowfully i know not i cannot now recall what moved me to write those lines or even when i wrote them in the next place Carlos ventured to tell all he had heard from Dolores about his mother the fact of his wife's death had been communicated to the prisoner but this was the only fragment of intelligence about his family that had reached him during all these years when she was spoken of he showed emotion slight in the beginning but increasing at every succeeding mention of her name until Carlos who had at first been glad to find that the slumbering chords of filling responded to his touch came at last to dread laying his hands upon them they were up to moan so pitchlessly and once and again did his father say gazing at him with ever-increasing fondness thy face is hers rise and anew before me Carlos tried hard to awaken Don Juan's interest in his first born it is true that he cherished an almost passionate love for Juanito the babe but it was such a love as we feel for children whom God has taken to himself in infancy Juan the youth Juan the man seemed to him a stranger difficult to conceive of or to care about yet in time Carlos did succeed in establishing a bond between the long imprisoned father and the brave noble free-hearted son who was so like what that father had been in his early manhood he was never weary of telling of Juan's courage Juan's truthfulness Juan's generosity often concluding with the words he would have been your favorite son had you known him my father as time wore on he won from his father's lips the principal facts of his own story his past was like a picture from which the coloring once bright and varied has faded away leaving only the bare outlines of fact and here and there the shadows of pain still faintly visible what he remembered that he told his son but gradually and often in very disjointed fragments which Carlos carefully pissed together in his thoughts until he formed out of them a tolerably connected whole just three and twenty years before on his arrival in Seville in obedience to what he believed to be a summons from the emperor the con de denuera had been arrested and thrown into the secret dungeons of the inquisition he well knew his offense he had been the friend and associate of de valero he had read and studied the scriptures he had even advocated in the presence of several witnesses the doctrine of justification by faith alone nor was he unprepared to pay the terrible penalty had he at the time of his arrest been led at once to the rack of the stake it is probable he would have suffered with a constancy that might have placed his name beside that of the most heroic martyrs but he was allowed to wear out long months in suspense and solitude and what his eager spirit found even harder to bear absolute inaction excitement motion string occupation for mind and body had all his life been a necessity to him in the absence of this he pined grew melancholy listless morbid his faith was genuine and would have been strong enough to enable him for anything in the line of his character but it failed under trials purposely and sedulously contrived to assail that character through its weak points when already worn out with dreary imprisonment he was beset by arguments clever ingenious sophisticated framed by men who made argument the business of their lives thus attacked he was like a brave but unskillful man fencing with adepts in the noble science he knew he was right and with a vulgar in his hand he thought he could have proved it but they assured him they proved the contrary nor could he detect a flaw in their syllogisms when he came to examine them if not convinced then surely he ought to have been they conjured him not to let pride and vain glory seduce him into self-opinionated obscenity but to submit his private judgment to that of the holy catholic church and they promised that he should go forth free only chastised by a suitable and not as graceful penance and by a pecuniary fine the hope of freedom burned in his heart like fire and by this time there was sufficient confusion in his brain for his will to find arguments there against the voice of his conscience so he yielded though not without conflict fierce and bitter his retractation was drawn up in as mild a form as possible by the inquisitors and duly signed by him no public act of penance was required as a strict secrecy was to be observed in the whole transaction but the inquisitor general valdez felt a well-grounded distrust of the penitent sincerity which was quickened perhaps by a desire to appropriate to the use of the holy office a larger share of his possessions than the moderate fine alluded to probably too he dreaded the disclosures that might have followed had the count been restored to the world he had recourse therefore to an artifice often employed by the inquisitors and seriously recommended by their standard authorities the fly for such traders were common enough to have a technical name as well as a recognized existence reported that the Conta de Nuerra railed to the holy office plus feigned the catholic faith and still adhered in his heart to all his abominable heresies the result was a sentence of perpetual imprisonment don Juan's condition was truly pitchable then like samson he was shorn of the logs in which his strength lay bound hand and foot and delivered over to his enemies because he could not bear perpetual imprisonment he had renounced his faith and denied his lord and now without the faith he had renounced without the lord he had denied he must bear it it's told upon him as it would have told on nine men out of ten perhaps on ninety nine out of a hundred his mind lost its activity its vigor its tone it became in time almost a passive instrument in the hands of others and then the Dominican monk frere Ricardo brought his powerful intellect and his strong will to bear upon him it had been sent by his superiors he was not prior until long afterwards to impart the terrible story of her husband's arrest to the late of Nuerra with secret instructions to ascertain whether her own faith had been tampered with in his fanatical zeal he performed a cruel task cruelly but he had a conscience and its fault was not in sensibility when he heard the tale of the lady's death a few days after his visit he was profoundly affected accustomed however to religion of weights and balances it came naturally to him to set one thing against another by way of making the scales even if he could be the means of saving the husband's soul he would feel to say the least much more comfortable about his conduct to the wife he spared no pains upon the task he had set himself and a measure of success crowned his efforts having first reduced the mind of the penitent to a cold blank calm agitated by no wave of restless thought or feeling he had at length the delight of seeing his own image reflected there as in a mirror he mistook that spectral reflection for a reality and great was his triumph when day by day he saw it move responsive to every motion of his own but the arrest of his penitent son broke in upon his self-satisfaction it seemed as though a dark doom hung over the family which even the father's repentance was powerless to avert he wished to save the youth and he had tried to do it after his fashion but his efforts only resulted in bringing up before him the pale accusing face of the lady of no error and in interesting him more than he cared to acknowledge in the impenitent heretic who seemed to him such a strange mixture of gentleness and obscenity surely the father's influence would prevail with the son originally a much less courageous and determined character and now already wrought upon by a long period of loneliness and suffering perhaps also monk fanatic and inquisitor though he was the pleasantness of trying the experiment and cheering thereby the last days of the pious and docile penitent his own special convert weighed a little with him for he was still a man moreover like many hard men he was capable of great kindness towards those whom he liked and with the full probation of his conscience he liked his penitent whilst rather in spite of his conscience he liked his penitent son carlos did not trouble himself over much about the priors motives he was too content in his newfound joy to and grossed in his absorbing task the concern and occupation of his every hour almost of his every moment he was as one who told patiently to clear away the moss and lichen that has grown over memorial stone that he may bring out once more in all their freshness their precious words engraved upon it the inscription was there and there it had been always so he told himself all that he had to do was to remove that which covered and obscured he had his reward life returned first through love for him to the heart then through the heart to the brain not rapidly and with tingling pain as it returns to a frozen limb but gradually and insensibly as it comes to the dry trees in spring but in the trees life shows itself first in the extremities it is slowest in appearance in those parts which are really nearest the sources of all life so the penitent's interest in other subjects and his care for them revived yet in one thing the greatest of all these seemed lacking still there did not return the spiritual light in life which carlos could not doubt he had enjoyed in past days sometimes it is true he would startle his son by unexpected reminiscences disjointed fragments of the truth for which he had suffered so much he would occasionally interrupt carlos when he was repeating to him passages from the testament to tell him something don rodrigo said about that when he expounded the epistle to the romans but these were only like the rich flowers that surprised the explorer amidst the tangled weeds of a waste ground showing that a carefully attended garden has flourished there once very long ago it is not that i desire him above all things to hold this doctrine or that thought carlos i desire him to find christ again and to rejoice in his love as doubtless he did in the old days and surely he will since christ found him chose him for his own even before the foundation of the world but in order to bring this about perhaps it was necessary that the faded colors of his soul should be steeped in the strong and bitter waters of a great agony that they might regain thereby their full freshness end of chapter 42 chapter 43 of the spanish brothers by deborah alcock this is a librivox recording all librivox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit librivox.org chapter 43 el dorado found again and every power was used and every art to bend to falsehood one determined heart assailed in patience it received the shock soft as the wave and broken as the rock crab what are you doing my father carlos asked one morning don juan had produced from some private receptacle a small inkhorn and was moistening its long dried contents with water i was thinking that i should like to write down somewhat he said but where to will ink service without pen and paper the penitent smiled and presently pulled out from within his palette a little faded writing book and a pen that looked what it was more than 20 years old long ago he said i used to be wary wary of sitting idle all the day so i bribed one of the late brothers with my last dukat to bring me this only that i might sit down there in whatever happened for past time may i read it my father and welcome if though willed and he gave the book into the hand of his son at first as you see there be many things written therein i cannot tell what they are now i have forgotten them all but i supposed i thought them or felt them once or sometimes the brethren would come to visit me and talk and afterwards i would write what they said but by degrees i sat down less and less in it many days passed in which i wrote nothing because nothing was to write nothing ever happened carlos was soon absorbed in the perusal of the little book the records of his father's earlier prison life he scanned with great interest and with deep emotion but coming rather suddenly upon the last entry he could not for bare a smile he read a feast day had a capen for dinner and a measure of red wine did i not judge well asked the father that it was time to give over reading when i could stoop low enough to record such trifles yes i think i can recall the bitterness of heart with which i laid the book aside i despise myself for what i wrote therein and yet i had nothing else to write would never have anything else i thought but now god has given me my son i will write that down looking up after a little while from his self-imposed task he asked with an air of perplexity but when was it how long is it since you came here carlos carlos in his turn was perplexed the quiet days had glided on swiftly and noiselessly leaving no trace behind to me it seems to have been all one long Sabbath he said but let me think the summer heat said not come i suppose it must have been march or april april perhaps i remember thinking i had been just two years in prison and now it is growing cool again i suppose it may have been four months six months ago what think you carlos thought it nearer the latter period than the former i believe we have been visited six times by the brethren he said no only five times these visits of inspection had been made by command of the prior himself absent from civil unimportant business during most of the time and the result had been duly reported to him the monks to whom the duty had been deputed were aged and respectable members of the community in fact the only persons in the monastery who were acquainted with don hawan's real name and history it was their opinion that matters were progressing favorably with the prisoners they found the penitent as usual docile obedient submissive only more inclined to converse than formerly and they thought the young man very gentle and courteous grateful for the smallest kindness and ready to listen attentively and with apparent interest to everything that was said for more definite results the prior was content to wait he had great faith in waiting still even to him six months seemed long enough for the experiment he was trying at the end of that time which happens to be the day after the conversation just related he himself made a visit to the prisoners both most warmly expressed the gratitude for the singular grace he had shown them carlos his health had gradually improved said that he had not dreamed so much earthly happiness could remain for him still then my son said the prior give evidence of that gratitude in the only way possible to thee or acceptable to me do not reject the mercy still offered thee by holy church ask for reconciliation my lord replied carlos firmly i can but repeat what i told you six months ago that is impossible the prior argued expostulated threatened in vain at length he reminded carlos that he was already condemned to death the death of fire and that he was now putting from him his last chance of mercy but when he still remained steadfast he turned away from him with an air of deep disappointment though more in sorrow than in anger as one paint by keen and unexpected in gratitude i speak to thee no more he said i believe there is in thy father's heart some little spark not only of natural feeling but of the grace of god i address myself to him whether don Juan had never fully comprehended the statement of carlos that he was under sentence of death or whether the tide of emotion caused by finding in him his own son had swept the terrible fact from his remembrance it is impossible to say but it certainly came to him from the lips of the prior as a dreadful unexpected blow so kin was his anguish that fray ricardo himself was moved and the rather because it was impossible to the aged and broken man to maintain the outward self-restrained a younger and stronger person might have done more touched at the moment by his father's condition than by all the horrors that menace himself carlos came to his side and gently tried to soothe him say s said the priors sternly it is but mockery to pretend sympathy with the sorrow thine own obstinacy has caused if in truth thou lovest him save him this cruel pain for three days still he added the door of grace shall stand open to thee after that term has expired i dare not promise thy life then turning to the agitated father if you can make this unhappy youth hear the voice of divine and human compassion he said you will save both his body and his soul alive you know how to send me a message good comfort you and incline his heart to repentance and with these words he departed leaving carlos thunder ago the sharpest trial that had come upon him since his imprisonment all that day and the greater part of the night that followed it the two wills strove together prayers tears and treaties cinched to the agonized father to fall on the strong heart of his son like drops of rain on the rock he did not know that all the time they were falling on that heart like sparks of living fire for carlos once so weak had learned now to endure pain both of mind and body with brow and leap that gave no sign passing tender was the love that had sprung up between those two so strangely brought together and now carlos by his own act must sever that sweet bond must leave his newly found father in a solitude doubly terrible where the feeble lamp of his life would soon go out in obscure darkness was not this bitterness enough without the anguish of seeing that father bow his white head before him and teach his aged lips words of broken passionate and treaty that his son his one earthly treasure would not forsake him thus my father carlos said at last as they sat together in the moonlight for their light had gone out unheeded my father you have told me that my face is like my mother's moan the penitent i'm truly it is is that why it must leave me as hers did father tell me i pray you to escape what anguish of mind or body would you set your seal to a falsehood told to her dishonor boy how can you ask never nothing could force me in that and from the faded eye they're short a gleam almost like the fire of all days father there is one i love better than ever you loved her not to save myself not even to save you from this bitter pain can i deny him or dishonor his name father i cannot though this is worse than the torture he added the anguish of the last words pierced to the very core of the old man's heart he said no more but he covered his face and wept long and passionately as the man weeps whose heart is broken and who has no longer any power left him to struggle against his doom their last meal lay untasted some wine had formed part of it and this carlos now brought and with a few gentle loving words offered to his father don't want put it aside but drew his own closer and looked at him in the moonlight long and earnestly how can i give thee up he murmured as carlos tried to return his gaze it flashed for the first time across his mind that his father was changed he looked older febler more warm than he had done at his coming was the newly awakened spirit wearing out the body he said it may be my father that god will not call you to the trial perhaps months may elapse before they arrange another auto how calmly he could speak of it for he had forgotten himself courage with him always had its routine self-forgetting love don Juan caught at the gleam of hope though not exactly as carlos intended hi truly he said many things may happen before then and nothing can happen save at the will of him who loves and cares for us let us trust him my beloved father he will not allow us to be tempted above that we are able to bear for he is good oh how good to the soul that seeketh him long ago i believe that but since she has honored me to suffer for him once and again i have proved it true true as life or death father i once thought the strongest thing on earth that which reached deepest into our nature was pain but i have lived to learn that his love is stronger his peace is deeper than all pain with many such words words of faith and hope and tenderness did he soothe his weary broken hearted father and at last though not till towards morning he succeeded in inducing him to lie down and seek the rest he so sorely needed then came his own hour the hour of bitter lonely conflict he had grown accustomed to the thought to the expectation of a silent peaceful death within the prison walls he had hoped nay certainly believed that in the slow hours of some quiet day or night undistinguished from other days and nights god's messenger would steal noiselessly to his gloomy cell and heart and brain would thrill with rapture at the summons the master calleth thee now indeed it was true that the master called him but he called him to go to him through the scornful gaze of ten thousand eyes through reproach and shame and mockery the hedges zamara and carosa the long agony of the outer spun out from daybreak till midnight and last of all through the torture of the doom of fire how could he bear it sharp were the pangs of fear that drank his heart and dread was the struggle that followed it was over at last raising to the cold moonlight a steadfast though sorrowful face carlos murmured audibly what time i am afraid i will put my trust in the lord i am ready to go with thee whether so ever thou wilt only with thee he woke late the following morning from the sleep of exhaustion to the painful consciousness of something terrible to come upon him but he was soon roused from thoughts of self by seeing his father nil before the crucifix not quietly reciting his appointed penance but uttering broken words of prayer and lamentation accompanied by bitter weeping as far as he could gather the burden of the cry was this god help me god forgive me i have lost it over and over again did he moan those pictures words i have lost it as if they were the burden of some dreary song they seem to contain the sum of all his sorrow carlos yearning to comfort him still did not feel that he could interrupt him then he waited quietly until they were both ready for their usual reading or repetition of scripture for carlos every morning either read from the book of ours to his father or recited passages from memory as suited his inclination at the time he knew all the gospel of john by heart and this day he began with those blessed words dear in all ages to the tried and sorrowing let not your heart be troubled ye believe in god believe also in me in my father's house are many mansions if it were not so i wouldn't have told you i go to prepare a place for you he continued without pause to the close of the 16th chapter these things i have spoken unto you that in me he might have peace in the world ye shall have tribulation but be of good cheer i have overcome the world then once more than one uttered that cry of bitter pain i have lost it carlos thought he understood him now lost that peace my father he questioned gently the old man barred his head sorrowfully but it is in him in me he might have peace in him you have said carlos done who andrew his hand across his brow was silent for a few moments then said slowly i will try to tell you how it is with me there is one thing i could do even yet one path left open to my footsteps in which none could part us what hinders my refusing to perform my penance i'm boldly taking my stand beside the carlos carlos started flushed grew pale again with emotion he had not dreamed of this and his heart shrunk from it in terror my beloved father he exclaimed in a trembling voice but no god has not called you each one of us must wait to see his guiding hand once i could have done it bravely now joyfully said the penitent not now and there was a silence at last on who unresumed my boy thy courage shames my weakness what has though seen what does you see that makes this thing possible to thee my father knows i see him who died for me who rose again for me who lives at the right hand of god to intercede for me for me yes it is this thought that gives strength and peace peace which i have lost forever not forever my honored father no you are his and of such it is written neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand though your tired hand has relaxed its grasp of him his has never ceased to hold you and never can cease i was at peace and happy long ago when i believed as don rodrigo said that i was justified by faith in him once justified justified forever said carlos don rodrigo used to say so too but i cannot understand it now and the look of perplexity passed over his face carlos spoke more simply no then come to him now my father just as if you had never come before you may not know that you are justified you know well that you are weary and heavy laden and to such he says come he says it without stretched arms with a heart full of love and tenderness he is as willing to save you from sin and sorrow as you are this hour to save me from pain and death only you cannot and he can come that is believe it is believe and more come as your heart came out to me and mine to you when we knew the great bond between us but with far stronger trust and deeper love for he is more than son or father he fulfills all relationships satisfies all wants but then what of those long years in which i forgot him they were but adding to the sum of sin sin that he has pardoned has washed away forever in his blood at that point the conversation dropped and days passed erud was renewed don juan was unusually silent very tender to his son making no complaint but often weeping quietly carlos thought it best to leave god to deal with him directly so he only prayed for him and with him repeated precious scripture words and sometimes sang to him the psalms and hymns of the church but one evening to the affectionate good night always exchanged by the son and father with a sense that many more might not be left to them than juan added rejoice with me my son for i think that i have found again the thing that i lost end of chapter 43