 Yesterday, a new lady client asked me if I was a real accountant. Aren't you a real professor? And I told her for the last 20 years or so I spent most of my time doing projections, bookkeeping, and taxes. So yes, I consider myself to be a real accountant. Of course, I hold the chair of philosophy. Oh, where's that? Right here. She informed me, for no apparent reason, that she was a lesbian. I'm not a lesbian. I think explaining this kind of stuff is how people make introductions these days, but I don't know. Greetings, humans! Don't worry, that's just how they say hi. It's like a high five! With an axe? She went on explaining how all of her time, morning, noon, and night, was spent thinking about women. That's why I took my vacation in Beirut to get her out of my mind to find some peace. It's not going to be easy. Everywhere I look, something reminds me of her. At my next audit, the auditor asked me to confirm that I was indeed an accountant. Request confirmation. Enterprise to Starbase. Request confirmation. And I let him know that I had been practicing for many years and have always considered myself to be an accountant. But recently, I've been convinced I'm actually a lesbian. Can't wait for Miss Ellen to see what a raging lesbian I am. I'm a bigger lesbian than you. No, you're a fatter lesbian than me. So you guys, I'm King Lesbian!