 And now, tonight's presentation of Radio's Outstanding Theatre of Thrills. Suspense. Tonight, we bring you a classic short story by James Thurber. So now, starring Mr. John Daener, here is our suspense play, A Friend to Alexander. I've taken to dreaming about Aaron Burr every night. What for? How do I know what for? What for, the woman says. You do look tired, Harry. Well, a session like I had last night is worse than no sleep at all. I should look tired. Aaron Burr. He's a funny person to be dreaming about nowadays. I mean, with all the talk about the A-bombs and the H-bombs and the election and everything, I wish you'd go see Dr. Fox. Oh, nonsense. Well, maybe you need some different vitamins. Or maybe some of those new pills. Those, um, uh, Star Axe, uh, Aratrix. What do they call them again? Recerbin, chlorpromazine, one of the tranquilizers. No, no, it's another name. Oh, Aratrix. Aratrix, tranquilizers, all the same thing. Well, maybe you need some of those. They're supposed to do wonders for people. All I need is to stop seeing Aaron Burr every time I close my eyes. I don't see why you see him in your dreams. Where do you see him? Oh, places, maybe Washington Square, Bowling Green or on Broadway. Right here in town? I lived in New York, you know. I'll be talking to a woman in a Victoria or a woman holding a white lace parasol. Oh? Yeah, and suddenly there's Burr. Bowling and smiling and smelling like a carnation. Harry, will you get me a cigarette, please? Sure. He'll be telling the stories about France and getting off his insults. Here you are, Bess. Hey, when did you start smoking before breakfast? Just hold the light where I can reach it, please. All right. Who is the woman in the Victoria, Harry? What? That you dream about. How do I know people in dreams? There's nobody at all or everybody. You see Aaron Burr plainly enough. I mean, he isn't nobody or everybody. All right, all right, but I don't know who the woman is. Maybe it's Madame Chumelle or Mittens Willard or a girl I knew in high school. It's not important. Who is Mittens Willard? Well, she was a famous actress 75 years ago or so. She's buried in an old cemetery on Second Avenue. Oh. Oh, goodness, you're so well-read. It's very sad about Mittens Willard, isn't it? Why? Why is it? Well, I mean, she probably died young. Almost all women did in those days. Oh, Harry, please, don't pace back and forth like that. You know what he did? I was standing talking to Alexander Hamilton and Burr stepped up and slapped him in the face. Alexander Hamilton, my goodness. Yes, and then when I look at Hamilton, who do you suppose he was? I don't know, dear. Who was he? He was my brother, the one who was killed by that drunk in the cemetery. Just stand aside there, fellow. Huh? Why? Why should I? Perhaps you don't recognize a former officer of the Revolutionary Army and a United States senator. I recognize you all right, Burr. You may have been an officer, but Washington hated you. And as for winning that election for my friend's father-in-law, but there was something crooked about the way the ballots were counted. More bacon, Harry. Another egg. Did the Giants win last night? It is the Giants you like, isn't it? I wish he'd go back to France and stay there. Who, dear? What are you thinking? Oh, you mean Aaron Burr. Did you dream about him again? I don't see why you dream about him all the time. Um, don't you think you ought to take some loom and all? No, no, no. Last night he kept shoving Alexander around. Alexander? Hamilton, I certainly know him well enough by this time to call him by his first name. He hides behind my coattails every night, practically. Oh, Harry, dear, you shouldn't dwell on your nightmares or whatever they are. Ooh, that's what they are. There's no mistake about it. We ought to get out in the country over the weekend. Why don't we go to the old drovers in? You like it there. I don't know whether Walter, but practically every guy I ever really liked. Well, that's just natural, I guess. Well, of course it is, dear. Oh, Harry, I do wish you'd go to Dr. Fox. I'm going to the zoo and feed popcorn to the rhinoceros. That makes things seem all right for a little while anyway. No. Oh, you're not going through with it, Burgess! Certainly I'm going through with it. He accepted the challenge. Hamilton had no intention of harming you. He just proved that. Your friend brought this on himself, fellow. Hamilton called me, and I use his own words, a dangerous man of whom I could detail a more despicable opinion. Let this be a warning that Aaron Burr Brooks insults from no man. No! No, don't burn! Alexander, look out! He's going to... Oh, no! Harry! Harry! Oh, dear! Best find a light, please. Harry! Oh, you frighten me so. Yes, yes, there. Oh, dear! What was it? Burr, got him. He got Alexander. Oh, best that dirty drop. Oh, Harry, Harry, let me hold you. It's all right, dear. It's all right. It was just another nightmare, but it's all right. Alexander, he just fired into the air. He fired into the air and smiled at him, just like water. There, there, Harry. Oh, and then Burr, a fiend, he took deliberate aim. I saw him take deliberate aim, and he killed poor Alexander in cold blood. Here, take this, Harry, then you'll be able to go back to sleep. Yeah, yeah. Well, I ran to Alexander, but he was dead. There was just nothing I could do. You better take another, dear. Two won't hurt you. And then Burr swaggered over. He's always a nasty, sneering, foppish man, and he stood over us, and he actually laughed, and I looked down at Alexander, and his face was Walter's face. Oh, Harry. Harry, darling, darling. Look, I'm going to stay here with you for the rest of the night. Everything will be all right, and we'll go and see the doctor tomorrow. Just what seems to be the trouble, Miss Andrews? Nothing seems to be the trouble. He has nightmares, Dr. Fox. Oh, I see. You look a little underweight, perhaps. Are you eating well, Miss Andrews? Getting enough exercise? No, I'm not underweight. I eat the way I always have and get the same exercise. Now, Harry, your appetite certainly isn't good in the morning. Well, naturally not in the morning. You see, Doctor, I think he's worried about something, because he always has this same dream. Same dream, eh? It's about his brother, Walter, who was killed in a cemetery by a drunken man. Only it isn't really about him. It's Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton. Mm-hmm. Very few people actually killed in cemeteries. Well, um, would you mind stepping into the next room, Miss Andrews? May as well begin with the electrocardiograph and proceed with basal metabolism, cranial microprography. And, uh, soul from what we can determine thus far. I think we can say that you're in tipped-up shape, Miss Andrews. I make it a point to keep in shape. I very much doubt that the lab will turn up anything. Meanwhile, we know that the heart of yours is fine. Sound is a dollar. Oh, Harry, that's wonderful news. Even sound, or I might say. My bent was toward economics rather than medicine. The bills I gave you will fix up any temporary difficulty you may experience in falling asleep. Well, it wasn't the falling asleep, Doctor Fox. It was what happened after he got there. Yeah. Well, you might call me in a week or so, Miss Andrews. Yeah, I'll do that. Come on, Miss. Goodbye, Doctor, and thank you so much. Not at all. Nice to see both of you. Well, I hope you're satisfied. There's nothing to matter with me at all. I'm glad your heart's so fine. He said it was fine, you know. Sure, it's fine. Everything's fine. And I was thinking, dear, now that Alexander Hamilton is dead, you won't see anything more of Aaron Burr. And the man says, I quit because I couldn't stand the cooking order. Oh, Mr. Andrews, how priceless. Yeah, I thought I was rather funny myself. I failed to see the human. I thought it rather coarse. Oh, it's you, Burr. Why don't you leave, my good man? I'll leave after I've had a talk with you, maybe, not before. I see. Lovely ladies, will you excuse me for a moment? Certainly, Mr. Burr, come with me. Now, my good man. And don't you, my good man, me, you murderer? I presume you refer to the Affair of Honor in which I engaged Hamilton. You know darn well I do. Let me say merely that had I been called a murderer by one more nearly my equal, I should deal with him as I dealt with Hamilton. Just who are you, anyway? Obiquitous Claude. I am Henry Andrews. Harry to my friends. I'm an architect. An architect. And you presume to converse with a soldier, a barrister, the second highest elective officer of the Republic, and a gentleman. Well, you may be all those things except the last one, but you disobeyed your superiors in the army. As far as I'm concerned, your kind of lawyers are on an ethical level with jockeys. Your vice president all right enough, but you tried to double-cross Jefferson so you'd get the top job. And don't go calling yourself a gentleman because you deliberately shot Alexander after he had fired his bullet into the air. But I fired mine with my eyes closed. You what? Certainly. Or as my French friends say, certaine non. Oh, and incidentally, don't you and your French friends try any funny business with that Mexican conquest and settlement deal either? You're liable to end up in court on a charge of treason. We were discussing my marksmanship. Let me inform you that I have upon occasion hit the ace of spades at 30 paces blindfolded. I'll bet. If you were not so far beneath me, I would send my seconds to call upon you. Henceforth, be on your good behavior, fellow. I shall have one of my lackeys give you a taste of a riding crop. More coffee, Harry? Best. Best. Don't. Don't do that. But you were a million miles away. No, I wasn't. I've been sitting right here. Did you have another dream about that man? I wish I'd never told you about it. Just forget it, will you? I can't forget it with you going on this way. Harry, I think you ought to see a psychiatrist. Oh, they're all quacks, a pack of quacks. Dr. Fox told you I was all right? What does he do now? What does who do now? Aaron Burr. Oh, he goes around bragging that he dueled Hamilton with his eyes closed. Furthermore, since you asked me, he jostles me at parties now. Harriet, I've simply got to get you away from here. Maybe if you slept someplace else for a few nights. What, what place else? Well, why don't we go to the country for the weekend? Let's go to Lime Rock Lodge. Well, if, if we're going to the country, why don't we visit the Crowley's? You like them, don't you? Oh, of course I do. Bob has a pistol. And we could do a little target shooting. Oh, what do you want to shoot a pistol for? I should think you'd want to get away from that. Yeah, sure. I just might have figured out how to get away from it. Sir, sir, 50 times is as fast as you can. That's the secret of a martini, boy. Well, nobody makes them like you, Bob. Ah, thank you. Ah, this. Thank you. Alice. Thank you, darling. There you are, Harry. Thank you, Bob. Ha, ha. Well, here's a go. Down the hatch. Cheers. Well, how you been, boy? Oh, never better, Bob. Never better. Gee, it's good to be here. Oh, a nice peaceful weekend is just what Harry needs. We were so pleased when you called. We've simply been vegetating. The servants are getting fed up with taking care of just the two of us. Oh, do you still have Madison and Cathedral? Oh, of course. They are so priceless. Oh, yes indeed. Been busy, Harry? No, not too. Did a big provincial house out in Southampton. We've got a 26-story office building on the boards. Wow, and he says he hasn't been too busy. Oh, you ought to see the building. I mean, it's going to be all bronze and acrobatic glass. Excuse me while I kiss my wife. That means with actinic glass and copper, dear, but... I wouldn't know what to do without her. Oh, you kids, you don't change a bit. You're married 14 years and still on a honeymoon. Uh, it's 15, isn't it, dear? Yep. Well, how about refills? Can't let the eyes dilute the vermouth. Oh, as soon as I check those feet on dinner, dear. Oh, want to come out to the kitchen and say hello to her best? I'd love to. Don't you, boy, go bring a guy dividend. Oh, lots more where that came from. Oh, here you are, boy. These are the greatest. How's it with you, Bond? Oh, couldn't be better. At least not your here. Kind of alone some grind finishing the book. Oh, bed. You got it all buttoned up? Just about. Excuse me for bringing it up, Harry, but, um... You feeling better about Walter now? Oh, yeah. Just one of those things. No use brooding about it, I guess. The guy who killed him is put away. Sure. Oh, I know how tough it was, but now you've got the right slant on it. Well, sir, what can we offer you in the way of a pleasant weekend? Just what you always give us, some relaxation. The first thing I want is a good night's sleep. Oh, well, this is the place to get it. Come on, drink up there, sir. Sure. You still fool around with your target pistols? Yeah, yeah, every once in a while. I got me a pip of a set of new ones, the latest. Let's try them out tomorrow. See if you can teach me to hit a barn door or something. Ah, that's pretty good, Harry. Come on over, take a look. Better, huh? You think I'm getting the hang of it now? Sure, you are. All six shots in the tree and two of them on the target yet. Hey, they aren't that. Well, not exactly bull's-eyes, but look, this one's just a shade above the outside ring. Yeah, that's a lot better. Bob, would you say that bull's-eyes about the height of a fairly short man's heart? Uh, well, just about. Okay, I want to try something. Depends on how short. Uh, well, what are you up to, boy? What's the idea? What are you gonna do? Hey! Hit the target? Hit the target, man, if I hadn't flattened two of them, it'd have hit me. What do you think you're doing? Isn't that the way they used to pace off in the old days when they fought duals? Well, I guess so, but who you gave me a scare. Oh, oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were standing so close. Oh, that's okay. Well, come to think of it, Harry, I don't think they paced off with a gun held straight up in the air like you did. I think they kept their arm hanging, you know, straight down. Oh. Yeah. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Look, Harry, no, don't try it again for the love of ha- Hey, Harry! No! Don't! How can I tell if they're on the target when- Hey, look, Harry, never close your eyes. Never, never, never fire with your eyes closed. Well, I just thought I'd try it that way. Good lord, man, come on, give me that gun, will you? Sure, sure, here I- I guess I need more practice. Not with me standing around. Well, come on, let's get back to the house and shake up a drink. Boy, I've got the jumps. I sure do. I need a lot more practice. As I so aptly put it to General Arnold at Quebec, the defensive strategy may save men, but an offensive force wins the battle. That's why I hate you, Burr. Human lives mean nothing to you. Ah, observe now who says he hates me. Henry Andrews, one Henry Andrews, an architect. Look, don't, don't you ever push me again. One Henry Andrews, an architect. A menial laborer. Now, you just wait a minute. You have to go to college to be an architect, you know? I failed to recall the subject on the curriculum at the College of New Jersey where I matriculated. Well, maybe they didn't teach it there, but look what College of New Jersey turned out to be. Princeton and your bragging. May I remind you of your previous conversation, the one in which I discussed my unerring marksmanship? May I remind you that you killed my friend Alexander? Ha! A friend to Alexander. Use care, my man. The phrase might well make an epitome. Well, challenge me. Go ahead. I dare you. I dare you! Harry! I dare you, Burr! I dare you! Wake up! Please, wake up there! Harry! Yes, don't, don't. Don't shake me like that. Darling, you were practically shouting, and it's only four o'clock you wake Bob and Alice. One Henry Andrews, an architect. That's what he calls me now. I hoped you weren't going to dream about him anymore. I thought if I brought you up here you might... It's him or me, Bess. I, I can't stand this forever. Oh, Natic and I, Harry. Oh, Bess, dear, it's all right. I'm sorry. Look. Now, look, honey, you go back to sleep and forget the whole thing. It'll be daylight soon. I'm gonna sneak out very quietly and get some air. Yes, yes, Alice. I'm awake. I heard them. Not again. I'm afraid so he's out there peppering away at that dog on tarp. Well, you better get up, Bob. Go out and get him and I'll put on some coffee. Yeah, he'll need some. Where's that other darn sliver? Is he walking his sleep or what? Well, Bess says he never walks in his sleep. Do you think he'll be petrified again? Madison too, I suppose. Tell him what you told him yesterday that he couldn't sleep and he just went out to shoot a little. I'm so glad to see them. But I'll be so glad when they go this afternoon. Me too. Oh, come on, there. You know, he said a funny thing. I went out to get him yesterday. I could stand a funny thing. I'll get him one of these nights, he said. I don't suppose poor Bess can sleep through this. Let's see how she could. Better knock at her door and see if she's ready for some coffee too. Bob, what's wrong with Harry anyway? Search me. I guess it's like Clotheater said. He just seems to have the shoots. I'm sorry the weekend turned out like it did, dear. No, it's all right. I thought it might work too. In a way, maybe it did work. Well, it does seem good to be home. I mean our own apartment and our own things, our own schedule. Yeah, this is better. Another night, Cat Bess? No, dear, but you go right ahead. Yeah, I'll have one more splash and then turn in. Harry, why don't you sleep in my room tonight? Well, you wouldn't keep shaking me all night to keep me awake. No, no, I wouldn't, dear. Only if you... You're afraid to let me meet him. Oh, I am afraid, Harry. Terribly afraid. Well, why do you always think everybody else is better than I am? I can out-shoot him the best day he ever lived. That isn't what I meant about being afraid. Furthermore, I have a modern pistol. He has to use an old-fashioned single-shot muzzle loader. Is that quite fair, Harry? What do I care if it's fair or not? Oh, please don't be mad with me, Harry. Oh, I'm so unhappy. I'm sorry, dear. Don't you worry about me, Bess. I'll be all right. I'll be fine. We'd better go up, dear. Now, please, don't. Don't cry anymore. Well, I'm trying to stop. Sure. Good night, kiss, darling. Everything's going to be fine. I'm ready to take care of everything now. No matter what happens, I love you, Harry. I've loved you more every day we've had together. Kiss me again, dearest. Kiss me just once more. Very well, Andrews. My code as a gentleman will permit no further insolence. If you insist upon ending it thus... I do insist. I assume you're blindfolded and secure. I assume yours is. And we have agreed upon ten paces. Well, are you ready, fellow? You bet I am. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. You're his regular physician. Are you, Dr. Fox? That's right. I examined him only four or five days ago. So the lady said, that's why we called you in, as long as he's been under treatment within 30 days, you just sign the death certificate and our office doesn't have to bother with an autopsy. I understand. Usual procedure. I know it's tough on you, Mrs. Andrews, the shock and all, but it's the way I hope it happens to me when the time comes. Peaceful, quiet, quick. In my own bed, heart just quits. You know it's extraordinary. His heart was as sound as a dollar when I examined him. His heart was just stopped, as if it'd been shot. They'll go that way sometimes. Dr. Fox. Look, Harry's right hand. Clenched a bit, Mrs. Andrews. Nothing unusual. But the three bottom fingers and the thumb, like they were gripping a handle. Rather, yes. And see the index finger, how it's curved, and we're just about to press the trigger on a pistol. Or rigor mortis, Mrs. Andrews. The hands will take an odd position sometimes in rigor mortis. Harry never even fired a shot. Aaron Burr killed him. The way he killed Alexander Hamilton. Miss Andrews, take it easy. Aaron Burr shot him through the heart. I knew he was. I knew he was. Doctor, what in the name of... Oh, poor Andrews. I should have done something at the time. This could even have been contributory. I'm not too sure I follow you. You see, she came in with her husband the other day. She spoke and she acted most peculiarly. I should have done something. But what is this Aaron Burr Alexander Hamilton business? Obsessive hallucination of hers. Mrs. Andrews, every evidently suffers from one of the schizoid psychoses. Oh, yeah. I'm afraid you'll have to be committed. In which Mr. John Daner starred in tonight's presentation of A Friend to Alexander. Be sure to join us again when we bring you another presentation of Radio's Outstanding Theatre of Thrills. That's next time on... Suspense. Suspense is produced and directed in Hollywood by Anthony Ellis. You have heard A Friend to Alexander, written by James Berber and adapted for suspense by Frank Music was composed and conducted by Fred Steiner. Featured in the cast were Paula Winslow, Ben Wright, Victor Rodman, Miriam Wolfe, Charlotte Lawrence, Joseph Kearns and Larry Thor. 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