 W E A S New York a pack of Avalon cigarettes, please yes, sir Oh, just a moment sir. Don't forget your change. You'd never guess but Avalon cost you less Good evening, this is Del King saying welcome to Avalon time with red foley Jeanette Edna still well the Avalon chorus Bob strong In his orchestra and red skeleton the orchestra opens the program with don't look now recent development in cigarette history their quality cigarettes that sell for less three to five cents less than other popular price brands and Three to five cents saved on every pack of cigarettes you smoke Really mean something take it from me. It means many many extra dollars in your pocket every year But without knowing it, you'd never guess that Avalon cost you less The quality of the Turkish and domestic tobaccos blended in union-made Avalon Cannot be surpassed by any other cigarette regardless of price regardless of brand for Cigarette value never known before try Avalon. Why not make it tonight by the gov? You gentlemen say Dell speaking of sailors. I took my first cruise last week on the SS panhandler Just a tramp steamer But but a boat was nice though. It's very particular who wrote on it. In fact, it was so particular They wouldn't take anything but registered cattle But it's really a nice boat everything aboard was ship-shaped in fact the girls aboard were ship-shaped My uncle what happened? My uncle used to be a well-known sea captain in fact even the finance company calls him the old skipper You know is the first time I ever rode on a boat, but it was like being on a train. I rode the rail all the way The captain the captain looked at me. He says my good man. You have a weak stomach at a time like that He wanted distance boy. What a captain The captain wanted me to eat at his table, but I refused why should I pay for a first-class ticket and then eat with a health? Oh What a screwy captain to a yellow hands-on deck. I put my hands on deck and everybody stepped on them Our first stop was a little island where a lot of native boys were diving in the water for pennies course I didn't get much out of that maybe five or six cents But you meet a lot of strange people aboard they were aboard there was one lady a fat lady with a home body Built like a house She spent the whole night walking around the deck trying to reduce Well, I guess you read some place about those hips that passed in the night But you know, I'm really lucky to be here There was a terrible storm blew up the third day and everybody thought the boat was going to sink and the captain start yelling Save the women and children first Well, you know it was disgusting the way some of the men try to get in those light boats No kid one guy nearly tore my dress off of me I think I've been out here sailing around long enough, so I'll pull into shore shore and See I even read the blotches on the paper that's I'll let the speedboat strong take over with begin the beguine hit it sailor, but salty Leave the band with a baton. He just waved these hair. Hey, I know that you have on a new suit tonight Yeah, I was down in the dumps today, and I always buy a new suit when I Was wondering why you bought your suit What'd you say does that was Roger the fiddle player in the band. Oh little slur echo By that guy's not even a fiddle player I'll bet I'm more home with a violin than he is not on the radio Skeleton on the radio. You'd be more at home with bowls Okay major and you better not get caught in the rain with that suit look I ain't worried about the rain This is a good suit. Maybe you think so, but confidentially it shrinks Is that the telephone bell it ain't Jimmy fiddler I'll take that hello Avalon cigarette program red so the skeleton speaking We've been hearing a lot about you a surgeon. Well, you can't prove anything Look, I won't talk until I get a mouthful. I'm out these What do we want to get Joe for is the policeman Bob? I didn't take the policeman ball on a side At the policeman's annual ball all the ball all the policemen ball Oh, sure. Let's now bring the whole gang over Can you send a couple of squad cars over to pick it up? No, but I think the chief might send over the Paddy wagon the Paddy wagon You want me to come over and entertain at the placement ball He's gonna send a patrol wagon for me to ride in red Skeleton riding a wagon that they haul criminals around in tell him, okay Then wagon number two the springs are better You know where Fred Allen lives. Well, yes, I know where Fred Allen lives. Why well, if you can get him You don't have to bother coming over Hey, Dan, come on. Hey Bob strong get the boys together. We're going over the placement ball. Okay, Sheldon What music shall I take wrapped it in blue cough? No, and don't take flat foot fluji either Hello, Mr. Sheldon. Hello Edna. Say boy me going to a policeman boy You know I'm getting to be a big shot how would you like to be as important as I am Why are you important in this? I'll say you know next week the president and his wife is going to visit the San Francisco World Fair Well, how does that make you important Edna? Well, Mr. Roosevelt's gonna write and tell me all about it. My word No, my day Some connection say where's red bully? He's over there rehearsing his lines for that Western picture he's gonna make. Yeah Let's sneak over and listen to what he's saying I'm killing too good for you Isn't he? Why you on the critter? I have a good look. Hey fully quiet tender footer. I'll really like it was an oil well You wouldn't dare Hey listen tender Hey, what do you want? Well, look, we're going over the placement ball now You're not such a bad ombre that you're afraid of the cops. Are you? Oh, don't worry about me, Sheldon Nobody's been able to pin anything on me since there was a baby Not bad Jack Come in Mr. Benny Benny. No, I'm Red Skelton say how many miles is it to walk Egan? You've been knocking around the country. I hope you don't get into Yankee Stadium and start rapping on Joe Louis By the way, Red, I got your tickets for the Louis Galento fight. Oh, they good Yeah, the best I could do though was the two seats in a fourth row Well, that's well two seats in the fourth row of the Yankee Stadium. These seats are in the fourth row of a fifth Avenue bus If they have a new bus I can't see the Lewis and Galento fight from there Well, it'll be the same thing. They're gonna drive up in front of the Yankee Stadium ring a bell and knock over a beer barrel Say, you know if I have to think I'm going to the fight I better cancel my Lesson in public speaking today. Are you taking lessons in public speaking? Yeah? I've been mopping too many words lately So I'm taking a course in public speaking and you know when I get finished, you know what I'll be sure public loudmouth number one Now listen wise guy, I'll be a great orator say you don't even know what an orator is I do too an order is a guy who's willing to lay down your life for somebody else's country Oh Say come on, let's all of us get going over the policemen's ball. What are you gonna sing Jeanette? Yes, but to tell me about your voice instructor My voice instructor, you always talk that way not only when I speak I ready for your lesson. Yeah, I need somebody to teach me how to read a script I'll tell you do let's we could what's positive to be discussing the way you twist over your twist Yeah, all I need a few more months. I'll be in the fur business Now the first thing you would concentrate on is denunciation pronunciation and fiction boy What that guy couldn't do it to any penny faces No pain. He said to him. That's Roger the fiddle player. I just want to see how you control your breath Now let's see your pant like this Okay How's that no good your pants are too short Most of my trouble comes from not knowing where to place my tongue I'm a tongue should be plain, but it should be slightly too pretty to press Oh, you mean the tongue in your mouth if I be on so-so now open up your mouth, please Well, it's Peter. Okay. Yeah, the teeth What are teeth? He just drooled with truth. Many troops make teeth. He's not the truth without thinking candy and he don't know what he is You ought to know professor What's the matter that guy he's doing something he's been up one of them. I don't pay no attention Listen professor, you better hurry and give him my first lesson. I've got to get over the policeman's ball Okay, now the first thing you do is you strengthen the muscles you've exposed by pinning on the bar Will the bartender object? You're stupid too, huh? I think we better learn how to recite Yes, so follow me I get a little bit old the cat and the fiddle And the fiddle, I get a little bit of the cat and the fiddle and the cow jumps over the moon The little dog lads, the little dog lads, you think that's fun. They where did you get that goon? Wait a minute professor, you better come back and finish my lesson saying he's got a heavenly voice, hasn't he? That's the first time I ever knew though that heaven could speak. Sing it Jeanette. We got to go to the ball Because Avalons have that national appeal of highest quality plus real money-saving economy Two all-important points of superiority that smart buyers immediately recognize and take advantage of Avalons are positively second to non-inquality They're union made from the very finest Turkish and domestic tobaccos And still they cost three to five cents less per pack than other popular price brands Now imagine three to five cents less for cigarettes that can't be topped Ladies and gentlemen cash in on this, the biggest cigarette money-saving opportunity of the day So the next time, ask for Avalons. You'd never guess they cost you less We now take you to the policeman's ball where we find Reg Scalton dancing with Edna Stillwell on the crowded dance floor Sorry, Edna. Oh, that's all right. You know, Red, I dreamt I was dancing with you last night You did? Yeah. When I woke up, my little brother was pounding my thing with a flat iron Say, let's try some of that jitterbug stuff. Come on, let's jive, baby. Let's go on the old groove-a-roo Oh, there's a cop. Don't give you a right name. What's the matter, officer? Can't you see that sign there? No heavy truckin' on the outer driveway Heavy truckin' on the outer driveway. That's what is known as corn off of the cop Well, okay, officer, we won't let it happen again. Look at the policeman, Edna Most cops I've seen since the last nurse made picnic Say, look at the dirty looks those fools are giving me Aren't you guys looking for somebody else for a change? Well, look who's here. Are you a policeman? Well, I ain't rent a few of them houses Thank you, Leigh, the policeman Yes, Mr. Scalton, and I'm just dying to get my hooks on some crooks Why, I've got a gun and handcuffs I just take a look at these snarky-lookin' bracelets Say, there's some bracelets, all right Don't you think they look more business-like, though, if they didn't have those rhinestones in them? What kind of a policeman are you, herky? Well, you see, it's like this, Miss Silwell When I first joined the force, I went to the mounted police headquarters and said Give me a man of heart if he can rock Yeah? I wasn't the man So, they made me a patrol Then I complained about patrolling the streets because it made my feet spread Now I sit in a radio car all day, and say it's just some time Have you done any dancing yet, herky? Oh, shucks, Mr. Scalton, I can't dance You can't? Because when I dance, I exert myself And when I exert myself, I glow! Well, when you gotta glow, you gotta glow You know, you can always get out of your wet clothes and do a dry martini Oh, Mr. Scalton, my goodness, I hope you don't ever use anything like that on your program I wouldn't dare Well, I gotta go now You see, I'm just a rookie, and tonight they're making me scrub the jail floors So I gotta go and wash out a few sing-sings I'll see you later Good ol' herky Say it's about time for the show to start, Edna Maybe I better get up on the stage and start throwing those bulls a little corn Hey, rest, rest, you're on Now, look, tell him to give me a fanfare, Del See, I hate to go on, I'm telling you The same thing happened last year I'm in the vegetable business again Well, don't forget, this is another year Yeah, but don't forget, he's the same junk Well, there's a trumpet of doom Well, here goes nothing Hey, Edna, what's so nervous about? Oh, he thinks the cops don't like him No, they really love him Well, no vegetables yet Good evening, ladies and gentlemen Hey, Red, Red, try that pure fire joke about the cop Oh, okay, I'll give him Say fellas, did you ever hear the one about the policemen who raided the nudist hollamy and the big headlines in the paper the following day, red bulls, red bears Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha Ah, there's somebody else entertaining you Fuck, I love not about this No, you said, no, those cops will never like me Say, you know what, I just happen to think of something I've been entertaining here at the policeman's ball for the past three years and every time the same thing has happened and I just now realize why they'll never like Red Shelton Why not? Why not? You know how mad bulls get when they see Red A new distinctive interpretation of a familiar favorite Red Foley and the Avalon chorus sing Roll along prairie moon Mean money in your pocket Friends, when you can get supreme quality in Avalons for less, why pay more? So the next time, ask for Avalon And don't forget your change Yes, Avalon cigarettes, your friends cross their... Thank you for everything for the night, eh, Del? Yes, Red, that polishes it off Thanks, Del When I get through with my course in public speaking Maybe I can fill my jokes in a cultivated voice, huh? Sure, Scouton Then you can give us cultivated corn Yeah, ah, you can't win Good night, ladies and gentlemen See you next week Welcome to Baccal Corporation We'll again present Avalon Top The National Broadcast Team Company New York, nice