 Narcissists love to argue with you. They love to persuade you into doing things that you don't want to do. They love to express their diversion or opposite views in a heated or angry way. They enjoy disagreements or quarrels. They enjoy finding faults with you. Narcissists are known to be very argumentative. Their arguments tend to be unproductive. They don't produce any positive results. They just waste your time and energy, leaving you worse off than before the argument. They can be very difficult to deal with as they believe that only their opinions or views hold any weight. They will often demand something without giving anything in return. There's no equal exchange. Only their way of thinking and seeing things matters. They don't care what you think. They don't care about how you want things to be when you try to confront them or stand up for yourself. They will just drag you into an argument where they will then point out your faults and punish you for everything that you saw wrong in them. Narcissists love to argue with you because they need to be in control. They need to have the power to direct your behaviour and the cause of events. They need to maintain influence and authority over you. They need to have the capacity to have an effect on your character, development and behaviour. They need to have the power to give orders, make decisions and enforce obedience. They have to be in control and they will use control through forms of communication. They will talk to you in an authoritative way. They will act commanding and self-confident as though they are someone who should be trusted as being honest and reliable. They may come across as being stubborn, as being determined to not change their attitude or position on something, even in spite of good arguments or reasons to do so. They may have rigid opinions or a narrow outlook. They may be unwilling to consider different ideas or opinions. They may give you ultimatums. This is all to get you to play their game. Once you start playing their game, it gives them the opportunity to win and all narcissists really care about is winning, which is why they love arguing with you. They love the game. It's what they live for. But as Ross Rosenberg says, Never wrestle with a pig. You might get dirty and besides, the pig likes it. So try to stay out of the wrestling ring when you are dealing with a narcissist. Don't get pulled into their game. When you are in an argument with a narcissist, you shouldn't care about winning. You need to stay true to yourself and focus on getting your point across. Making them understand what you are saying. You may want to present a good impression to the narcissist. You may believe that if you can present your thoughts, feelings and needs in a clear and reasonable way, then maybe the narcissist will think that you are a decent human being. Maybe then they will understand you. Maybe then they will treat you with the respect that you deserve. But it never works out in that way because they believe that they are superior to you. So they can treat you any way that they like. You can't change their mind because they believe that they are above you. They believe that they are superior. So they believe that they should have the final say in any disagreement. Narcissists are self-absorbed and lack empathy. While disagreements may occur in all relationships, a lack of empathy does not. In a healthy relationship, there will be empathy. There will be an opportunity for both people to say what they want to say. Where you can then exchange understanding and respect. But this doesn't happen with a narcissist. They don't have that kind of mentality. It doesn't matter what you say or how you say it. Because they are not capable of understanding you. They don't even want to understand you. Which is why they will often show you that you are unworthy of their consideration. The narcissist hates your confidence. They hate that you believe you have the necessary abilities, knowledge or skill to do something successfully. They hate that you believe you are efficient and capable. They hate that you think you are good enough. Because they have a critical mindset. They are prone to expressing adverse or disapproving comments or judgments. Because that is how they feel about themselves. But rather than going within and acknowledging that, they would rather project it onto you. They cannot respect your confidence. They cannot respect your belief in yourself and your own abilities. Because they lack respect for themselves. When you disagree with the narcissist, they will try to keep you off balance. They will often question you in a way that makes you question yourself. Not for the purpose of learning more about how you think about the situation. But to back you into a corner and make you feel like a fool. Narcissists are shame based individuals. Who are doing everything they can to avoid reflecting on their shame. So they will often take the opportunity to project their shame onto you. This is the language that they have learned growing up. This is their way of expressing themselves. So it is how they are going to communicate with you. Every time you confront the narcissist, we disagree with them on something. This is the kind of mindset they are going to have. But it is not your responsibility to make them respond differently to you. And if you are trying to make them respond differently, you have already lost. You need to have a mindset where you are not trying to wrestle with the narcissist. Remember the quote from Ross Rosenberg. Never wrestle with a pig. You might get dirty and besides the pig likes it. The narcissist will try to keep you off balance. They will interrupt you and try to confuse you. They will mislead you from the original point that you were trying to make. But you need to stay centered. You need to remain well balanced and confident within yourself. Responding rather than reacting to the narcissist. When you are engaging with them, don't depend on them to tell you whether or not you are making sense. Ask yourself. Trust your own intuition. Ask yourself. Do I make sense? Do you believe in the point that you are trying to get across? When you believe in yourself, you create the foundation for effective communication. Trusting yourself is very important when you are engaged in an argument. Don't try to persuade them. Don't try to convince them to do something. Because that demonstrates that you are not really sure about what you are saying. You don't need to persuade or convince them. You don't need them to confirm your point of view. They will test your confidence by giving you a negative or unfavorable response. But you can pass this test by not trying to defend yourself. Your defense encourages more offensive behavior from the narcissist. It's like you are giving them more ammunition to shoot you with. They are going to do whatever it takes to avoid focusing on the issue. They will often engage in denial, projection, blink shifting and gaslighting. But you have to remain focused on settling the issue. You have to remain focused on producing a definite result. You don't have to force them to understand you. But you should remain firm in who you are and stay true to what you believe in. They may not agree with you, but you need to trust yourself. You don't need to persuade or convince them. They don't have to see things in the same way that you do. You don't need to defend yourself. You can explain yourself once. But it's not your responsibility to make them understand you. You are entitled to make your own decisions, regardless of what the narcissist says or thinks. You don't have to win. It's not about winning. It's about standing up for yourself and what you believe in. The narcissist has this opinion that you are unsatisfactory or inadequate. And nothing you say or do is going to change that because it really has nothing to do with you. You are not the reason why they think in that way. So regardless of how they see you or how they think of you, you should remain firm and confident within yourself. If they don't like it, that's their problem. It's not something that you have to attend to or deal with. Narcissists lack emotional maturity. They lack the ability to respond to you with awareness and introspection. They lack the ability to examine or observe their own mental and emotional processes. And they lack the ability to be in harmony or inconsistency with the circumstances or the culture of the society we live in. So they will play these games. They will try to keep you off balance. And they will enjoy arguing with you. But just remember, you don't need to play this game with them. You can choose to stand up for yourself and what you believe in rather than trying to win or beat them at their own game. And by not playing the game, you will not lose while they continue to play and lose the game every time. Thank you for watching. I hope this video resonates with you. Please like, comment, share and subscribe. Click the bell icon to receive notifications for my future videos. If you're likely to donate, my PayPal link is in the video description. Coaching and Choirs, you can email me at narcisfevercoaching.com Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.