 literally getting taken outside to have an argument with. I've been back in Delphi, literally three hours. Yeah, but we're gonna have to even in four fucking hours. And you know, I'm just trying to stay for nothing. I'm mad, I'm never gonna be, I'm just not that kind of person, like I just can't. I can't be that bad. I can't even fucking live here. I haven't done the four years and I still get blamed for things. I'm just so fucked up. I'm not going back here after that, I'm completely mad. I don't even think I'll get fucking through this one. I don't even know what I want to. I keep thinking, oh yeah, things are different this time, things will really work out this time and then I'll do less than four fucking hours. Oh, don't be there, I can't be done with that. You're right, I don't want it darling. So you're fucking a door, I actually don't. She's like, oh no, I didn't bring you on your birthday. That was a fucking train wreck. My birthday was a fucking train wreck. Like, I was going to fucking say say it to me. It's nothing I haven't heard, thousands of fucking times. She was talking all round and fucking shit. She's like, oh, you took her car keys. How the fuck could I have taken her car key? When one, she doesn't drive, but hey. Who I haven't lived here for four years over the summer when I wasn't childhood. I didn't live here. I don't even live here. Yet somehow everything that goes wrong is put on me. If I can't evade the money due by tomorrow, I'll be back on that night. I don't even fucking care that it's Christmas. I would, I don't want to do anymore. You know, you'd be like, oh, why don't you talk to your mom? Why don't you reach out to your mom? Because my mom is a fucking supporter. She never has been. She never will be. And do you know what? I can literally hear her, like, real floor talking about it. Like, it's really, I hate being here. I hate being here. I, why would I leave it until 23rd? Who come back for a week? Not even a week. I don't even want to be here in a year. Oh yeah, and she's like, oh, you can't do this. You can't do that. You can't do this. You can't do that. You can't do that. I'm fucking 22. You know, get with it. Get with it. Oh, my whole med box. It is a mess because of the dead. Is this because you pissed on a disorder? It's stuff all out there. No, it's me. Okay. You cannot blame. These remain seated and we're framed from talking during measurement and keep cuffs at the heart level. 136. 136. Couldn't make this shit up. Sorry, my heart rate's too fast. You know what? In the UK, right, you don't normally get given medication in bottles. Like, we can get given them in actual boxes normally. But last week, and this week, with my diazzo pal, I had bottles and I'm kind of how close I am to just taking everything in this box. There was more than enough in this box to kill me. Like, right here right now. This is why I don't come back. This is why I don't talk to my mum. This is why I'm so, I live to be a friend of the fucking country. They're never gonna understand. They're never gonna want me around. They're never gonna even try to understand. Like, I'm gonna go out with it for what I do for my little mini vlog clip. Not gonna put the audio recording in because that's what you've got to love. But I did put the name of the vlog clip before I got taken out to be out of that. Tell me why I bother. Like, why bother? My life is a train wreck. We all know this. Nothing new. With most people, I can cut them off like this. There's nothing. I don't... I don't form attachments with people. So, there are exceptions that I have. All of a sudden. I keep myself very distant from things for a reason. I spend nearly, like, 200 pounds on giving people. I literally force myself to have no money at all. Right now, as we are talking, I am over my overdrive. I don't have any money, you know. I'm broke. But you know what? I care a lot about my family. I win and got a lot of just like, I do crazy things when she wants to know something about me. She Googles it. Instead of those people stop fucking Googling me, Peter. If I wish it were the way that Google put it, that would make my life so much easier. Can we all just live by Google standards instead? So fucked up. It is, like, there's no ifs ands or whats about it. Like, even coming back here, my consultant is not a huge fan of Ben's or theirs. I mean, it's worth it chatting. I'm really, really gross to be honest. Even my team, even the fucking consultant, gave me a box of Larissa Pell for putting back here. And someone else around, so they know what I struggle with. What the usually is, if I have my medication, I'm then too fucking out of it. But I don't know, really. I can take my meds and just be a fucking blank sheet. Or I can not take them. I actually feel, I really shouldn't. You don't want to get in this box. Like, my medication box isn't that big. It's my old distraction box that I knew one who's been here for a while. But it literally, it couldn't even fit. All of them, like, literally had to put, like, two weeks with my folly casted into one fucking container. Because I couldn't fit the box in. Like, that's not another thing. Like, these have never, ever been given bottles of meds. And they do America in other countries, but here they don't do that normally. It's not a normal thing. I'm trying to distract myself because my mind at the moment is, like, it's on full speed. I don't know how it's funny. I don't know what's so fucking ironic. I get yelled at for informing my mum. I get told off for not informing her. She knows I have these heart problems. My urges right now are fucking insane. I mean, back here. Like, you can't see, like, all the, like, the chips in, like, the door and the wall. That'd be where my mum used to find me. I used to put everything against here to stop her from finding my room. Like, I find the car keeping looking in that area because I'm just like, I've literally only just got my provisional. I don't know. I don't like getting accused of things. I feel stuff. Then again, I'm a human being. So is that supposed, like, that I press my fucking med box out when I got to be fucking meds? Like, I'm just putting perspective on what. Right, okay. That's my week's weird days around. Like, if I'm upset, do you think we're a flippin' week? You know what we do? We're like, oh, are you just fucking at it? And you know what? I fucking hate this. I hate taking it. I hate taking medication. I hate it. I'm gonna just mark some more of it. I hate things, I'll rip stuff off. Oh, I don't know. Right, whatever it is now, I'm like a fucking Christmas chair. Fucking irony. It's Christmas and I'm getting true. Only literal late last I could leave it to come back. Because, you know, excuses. Facebook, I've got two notes. Why am I got notifications on Facebook? Like, I literally don't use Facebook. That's rare. Like, what's tap at all? And this is what you have to deal with when you choose to do social media. Is it a fucking job? No one knows what, what? How many devices am I logged into on here? Excuse me? What? I did say I didn't check Facebook very often. Security and login. iPhone in London, UK, four hours ago. That's strange. iPhone. But basically on my phone, I have them all I use on my phone. Obviously I've had like three different sixes. Like, this is a labeled iPhone X. Because, you know, it's a Yax. And, you know, I didn't have the money for it, but, you know, I needed a working phone. Shock. I know. Why was my old iPhone accessed four hours ago in London? Wait, I wasn't even in London four hours ago. Bristol? What? Manchester? That wasn't me. Manchester, 19th of September. Should really check Facebook more often. Anyway, that's what I was actually doing on my laptop. Facebook, not Facebook, Twitter. And it just says Rebecca, like, I'd rather be logged in a ward than here. Yeah. I'd rather, I would help my mental health. I have £3.62 on my paper. Wow. I'm actually that broke. That's comical. I will transfer it to my bank account. But I'm pretty sure I'm overdrawn. Because, you know how I would want anything in my life. You're gonna be simple. Oh, wait, now I've got £10. My mistake, I have to hold £10. Transfer that to my savings because... You don't normally fucking get it this morning. I don't really. Wouldn't even look. Where do I go? No, I don't pass here as home. I pass here as somewhere where I was literally abused for years. And I know the language here. I'm sorry. We don't quite have the full production set here. Thankfully. And but you know, it's funny because I can't even post how I feel on Facebook without getting yelled at. I can't say I do what I want. I can't.