 I'm Alex Oat, your beauty hope and bluster cream shampoo for soft, glamorous, caressable hair bring you our Miss Brooks starring Eve Arden. They say that everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. Well, our Miss Brooks, who teaches English at Madison High Summer School, tried to disprove this theory last week. Yes, I made up my mind to at least stop talking about the weather. But last Wednesday morning, while I was having breakfast with Mrs. Davis, my landlady, I found that I'd been harboring a utopian dream. Phew! Hot enough for you, Connie. Yes, thanks, plenty. I read in the paper where it's been hot all over the country during the past few days. Death Valley has been well over 120 degrees all week long. I'm glad you told me. I'll wear something light if I go there. I'm thinking of a dear old Madison High will be pretty much like Death Valley today. It wouldn't be so bad if our beloved principal, Osgood Conklin, wasn't nosing around. You're being over-pessimistic, Connie. I'm sure that on a day like today, Mr. Conklin will just sit in his office fanning himself. That would be nice. Sure, that's probably just what he'll do. And who knows, he may even fan himself with something real heavy and go... Too fast and wishy. Oh, stop dreaming, you silly girl. I guess Mr. Conklin will be with me always. My sister Angela has a wonderful recipe for keeping cool. You've heard me mention Angela, haven't you, Connie? Many times, Mrs. Davis, but not lately. How is she? Pretty well, poor dear, but she's so absent-minded. Yes, I know. But what's the recipe, Mrs. Davis? Recipe? Yes, for keeping cool. You said your sister had a good one. My sister? Yes, Angela. Oh, her poor thing, she's so absent-minded. But she has a wonderful recipe for keeping cool. I don't believe it. Why not? All right, I do believe it. Good. Well, I'll pack the dishes now and wash them later. Please, Mrs. Davis, the recipe for keeping cool, what is it? Oh, yes, the... First, Angela fills a tub with ice cream. Then she puts in four gallons of apple cider, six lemons, three oranges, and a half bottle of maraschino cherries. And how many of these do you have to drink before you don't mind the heat anymore? Oh, Angela doesn't drink it. She sits in it. Serves me right for asking. Well, I might as well go all the way now. Why the maraschino cherries? I asked the same question, Connie. And Angela said she doesn't know, but she tried it without them and somehow it just wasn't the same. I see. Well, so much for the world of sports. Oh, that must be Walter Denham. He's giving me a list of school this morning. Come in, Walter. I left the latch off for him. Good morning, Mr. X, Mrs. Davis. Good morning, Walter. Gee, I didn't mean to get here right in the middle of your breakfast. I know. You meant to get here right before we started. Sit down, Walter. Would you like a bite of breakfast, Walter? Oh, I don't want you to fuss. I'll just nibble at what's on the table. Quick, Mrs. Davis, put your hands behind your back. If you'll excuse me now, I have some laundry to finish. OK, Mrs. Davis. Phew, looks like today is going to be another scorcher, Miss Brooks. Gosh, I didn't fall asleep last night until this morning. Well, cheer up, Walter. We'll be in class soon. You've never had any trouble falling asleep there. I will today. This heat is absolutely... Ah, there you go teasing me again. No, honestly, Miss Brooks, I tossed and turned for hours last night. Even after three cold showers, my pajamas still stuck to me. That's what I like, a loyal pair of pajamas. If you were that way for Walter, why didn't you catch up on some of your required reading? Well, I tried to, but that just made it worse. Why? What did you read? Dante's Inferno. But the reason I came over so early this morning, Miss Brooks, was to suggest something that'll make your classroom seem much cooler during the dog days that lie ahead. What do you want to do, Walter? Put a St. Bernard on my desk? Oh, no, ma'am, not a St. Bernard. Just evasive pussy-willow. If you'll give me permission to leave during class, I'll go out to Phillips Farm and get a nice bunch of them for you. Phillips Farm? Isn't that where Phillips Farm is located? Yes, ma'am. Better known as the Old Swimming Hole? Say, come to think of it, there is an Old Swimming Hole out there. You know, I forgot all about it. I'm sure you do. I'm also sure that you're only wearing that bathing suit under your shirt in case a pussy-willow goes berserk and rips your clothes off. Now, Walter, you'll have to be a little more inventive if you want to cut school today. Well, I wasn't thinking of cutting school, Miss Brooks. Not alone, that is. You want me to go with you? I want us all to go. You see, Harriet Conklin and I figured you wouldn't tumble for the pussy-willow routine, so we got another ace in the hole already. You want to hear it? Deal. Madison, Harriet's old man can... That is, Mr. Conklin can suspend school for the day if he considers the heat excessive. But, Walter, you know what a rugged individual Mr. Conklin likes to think is. He won't admit the heat excessive until the rest of us are nothing but little pools floating around our shoes. Well, that's our ace, Miss Brooks. Harriet told me why her father is so heat-resistant. He keeps a little electric fan stashed in his desk drawer, and no matter how hot it is in the rest of the school, he's reliably comfortable. What can anybody do about that? Well, plenty. Now that you're in this thing as deep as we are... Adjust a minute, Walter. I am not, as you say, in as deep as you are. But I'm interested, so keep shoveling. Well, as you know, Mr. Conklin hates my gui... Mr. Conklin isn't too crazy about me. Yes, I know. Hence, it is logical to assume that if caught prowling about his office during school hours, nothing more might be heard of me but a small, gurgling noise. As for Harriet, she can't leave her classroom either. Q-E-D. It's you or nobody. You mean... In a word, sabotage. I'm sure you've heard of the expression, how fix his wagon. Yes? Well, we want you to break his fan. Oh, no, please, Walter. That's going too far. I realize it's a terribly warm day, but the most I could possibly do is talk to Mr. Conklin. That's it, I'll reason with him. I'll tell him how uncomfortable it is in the classrooms, and then I'll point out how refreshing a little holiday would be for all of us. Then I'll bring up the renewed vigor, with which we'd return to our duties tomorrow. And then? Then I'll wait till he isn't looking and break his fan. I'm glad we got to school early, Ms. Brooks. It'll give you a chance to get into Mr. Conklin's office before he gets here. But, Walter, how do you know he isn't here already? Well, look, the door of his office is a jar. If he was here, it'd be shut tight. Now go ahead, Ms. Brooks. Rent the old goat's fan. Oh, please, Walter. Just because we disagree with some of Mr. Conklin's policies is no reason to be disrespectful. Remember, he's still the principal of Madison High School. Oh, I'm sorry, Ms. Brooks. Now go on and close the door behind you. I'll stand guard out here. All right. I'd better work fast. The old goat will be in any minute. Mr. Conklin, I didn't know that you were here. Good morning, sir. How do you feel? Oh, not so bad. I just came in to see that your windows were open. Pretty hot today, don't you think? No hotter than any other hot day. Oh, I think it is. And that's what I wanted to talk to you about, Mr. Conklin. May I sit down for a moment? I suppose so, but please be brief, Ms. Brooks. Very well, Mr. Conklin. There. You're practically in my left. Do you have to sit so close to me, Ms. Brooks? Yes, you meet a better class of weather over here. You have the authority to suspend classes during excessively hot weather, haven't you, Mr. Conklin? I believe so, but I have no intention of taking advantage of such authority. I've long believed that weather is nothing but a state of mind. I work as diligently during the summer months as any of the students here or any of the faculty for that matter. The fact is, we're all in the same boat. I know, but some of us are closer to the propeller than others. Just what are you driving at, Ms. Brooks? Well, it looks like it's going to be another very hot day, Mr. Conklin, and it's very difficult to teach under those conditions or to learn anything for that matter. I realize that fully, but after all, summer school lasts only so long. How very considerate of you, Mr. Conklin, so long. Yeah. Sit down, Ms. Brooks. I see no reason to interrupt the regular routine of this institution. You don't hear me complaining, and after all, I'm considerably older than you are. You must admit that. Ridley. Until I find the temperature unbearable then, it will be business as usual at Madison. I'll go to your class, Ms. Brooks, and forget about the weather. All right, Mr. Conklin, but I've certainly got to hand it to you. I think it's wonderful the way you carry on, in spite of the many discomforts that confront us all. Well, I always try to do my duty, Ms. Brooks, amounting each obstacle as I come to it, because I'm always open to constructive suggestions. I know you are, Mr. Conklin, and I have one for you right now. Really? What is it, Ms. Brooks? I suggest that you move your chair back a few inches from the bottom drawer of your desk. What's that? If you don't, that fan is going to blow your socks up around your neck. Look, starring Eve Arden will continue in just a moment. But first, here is Vern Smith. For Bear Skin Beauty, it's bath-sized palm olive with its famous beauty lather. Yes, bath-sized palm olive for loveliness all over. There's something thrillingly new in this wonderful beauty lather of bath-sized palm olive soap. New fragrance, new charm, new allure. 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Well, in spite of the steadily mounting heat, I got my first class underway and was about to embark on a question period. When I noticed a mild commotion toward the back of the room, it centered around stretched snotgrass, Madison's star athlete, very definitely a three-letter man. Scholastically, he's a three-letter man, too. After reciting A, B, and C, he's very definitely dead. Ah! Anyway, I hurried down the aisle to see what all the buzzing was about. Back, everybody, step back. Give him air. What's going on here? It's stretched, Miss Brooks. He can't stand the heat. He just sort of groaned and slumped down in his seat. He's in a dead faint. A dead faint? Yeah, a dead faint. Nice to hear from you, stretch. Let me open your shirt, collar. Oh, no, Miss Brooks, don't open it. I don't know why you button it on a day like today, anyhow. Oh, please, Miss Brooks, don't open my shirt. You just be quiet. There. Well, no wonder you didn't want your shirt open. Embroidered undies. And what a lovely sentiment on your undershirt. Crystal Lake bath house. When I return by 6 p.m., another day will be charged for. Charged for. Stretch, this is awful. What is, Miss Brooks? Ending a bathing suit with a preposition. Now, what is all this painting about? He can't paint it, Miss Brooks. The heat's too much for him. And he's a great athlete, Miss Brooks. Gosh, when stretch caves in, can the rest of us be far behind? You stay out of this, Walter. I don't want to appear abrupt with you, stretch, if you are really distressed. But that bathing suit under your shirt militates against the legitimacy of your paint. You must admit that. Oh, sure. I admit that. Good. What does it mean? Oh, no. It was a plot, Miss Brooks. We bought a stretch keel over. Daddy would have to suspend classes for the day. Harriet Conklin, I'm surprised at you, tricking your own father. I wonder if it would work. I'm afraid I'll have to punish you rather severely, young lady. Gosh, Miss Brooks. What are you going to do? I'm going to make you march into your father's office and tell him about stretchers' painting. What? You mean you're willing to go along with a gag? No sense in wasting stretchers' bathing suits. Isn't my talking to Daddy wouldn't do any good, Miss Brooks? He caught me taking a bathing suit out of the closet this morning. What bathing suit? The little check job that's peeking over her blouse. The logical person to complain about stretchers' condition is Mr. Boynton. Yeah, Mr. Boynton. Welcome back, stretch. Hey, the bashful biologist might carry some weight at that. Sure. If he'd go and explain to Mr. Conklin biologically how this heat is ruining one of our pupils, he'd have to let us off. You might have something there, Walter. Yes, I think Mr. Boynton's our man. Want me to go and get him, Miss Brooks? I'll be glad to go, Miss Brooks. Me too, Miss Brooks. No, children. I'll make the sacrifice. I'll get Mr. Boynton and bring him back here. Harriet, you and Walter take stretch into the hall and start panning him with a handkerchief. OK, Miss Brooke. Just walking down to the lab should cool you off a little. Believe me, Walter, going to see Mr. Boynton is no way for me to cool off. I'm sorry I had to call you out of your class, Mr. Boynton, but it's really a small type emergency. Stretch nodgrass has been acting strangely all morning. Oh, what's the matter with stretch? Is he sick? Not really sick. I think he's just got a touch of tightening of the bathing suit. He's sort of weak in the head this morning. This morning, she says. Oh, I'm sure it's just a, oh, here we are. I told Harriet and Walter to bring him out in the hall. It's cooler. Oh, hello, kids. Hi, Mr. Boynton. What's the matter, stretch, old boy, old boy? Oh, I feel punk, Mr. Boynton. It's his heat. It makes me feel so, so hot. It's a shame. It is a scorcher today, all right? Yeah, it's a lulule. It seems a shame to keep kids indoors in this kind of weather. See, I've got an idea. Why doesn't somebody ask Mr. Conklin to suspend classes for today? Boy, that's a swell idea. That's super, boy. Boy, what a great idea, boy. What do you think, Miss Brooks? Boy. All right, I'll do it right now. Oh, go ahead, Mr. Boynton. Daddy's office door is wide open. I can see it from here. We'll sure appreciate it, Mr. Boynton. Well, how about you, Miss Brooks? You want to come along? No, Mr. Boynton. I'll stay out here to catch you. I'll watch you. I'll be back in a minute, Mr. Batch. It may not take that long. Oh, I hope we're doing the right thing. I'd hate to get Mr. Boynton in any trouble. Oh, Daddy's extremely fond of Mr. Boynton, Miss Brooks. That's about the only thing Daddy and I have in common. Mr. Conklin won't call for this story about stretch. I know he won't. He might, Miss Brooks. After all, he'd get the day off, too. And it is pretty uncomfortable in school today. You forget, Walter. Mr. Conklin has whirling tom in his bottom drawer. Here comes Mr. Boynton. You boil some water, Harriet. I'll tear my skirt into bandages. That didn't take very long, did it? Well, he's still conscious, anyway. What did he say, Mr. Boynton? He refused to suspend classes, Miss Brooks. But he did give me permission to take stretch along with me. Take stretch along where with you? On a little field trip, Mr. Conklin, just OK for my science class. I thought it'd be nice on a day like today to observe the flora and fauna in their native habitat. So I'm taking my bunch out to Phillips Farm. Phillips Farm? But what about us? Yeah, we're not in your science class this morning. Well, I'm sorry about that, Walter. Maybe some other time. I've never had an idea backfire so fast in my life. This is awful. I don't know why you're all so excited. What's so special about Phillips Farm? You straggly bushes and straggly pussy willows? Straggly old swimming hole? Hey, come to think of it, there is a swimming hole on that property, isn't there? No, let's see now. Where is it located again? It's located midway between flora and fauna and approximately 10 paces to the right of the bathing suit that's hanging over your shirt collar. We've got to work fast, Miss Brooks. Harriet may not be able to keep her father out of the office much longer. That was a good idea she had to put those bells on her bicycle and make believe she's a good humor man. Yeah, he never could resist the ice cream wagon. If he'll just follow those bells long enough, we'll get it so hot in here by the time he comes back, you'll just have to call it quits. I've got all the windows nailed down. Now, let's fix that fan, huh? I took it out of the door, Miss Brooks. Here, let's fix this big pencil in the blades while they're whirling around. All right. Mm-hmm. What happened? Anybody want six little pencils? I'd better pull the plug out. There. Now, we've just hide this in the closet. Here, put it under all this junk in the corner. I'll wait. Hey, look at this, Miss Brooks, an electric heater. Well, what do you know? Just the thing to make Mr. Conklin's office nice and cozy. Well, I'll give it on to the kid's stretch. Hey, Mr. Boynton, stretch. Come on in here a minute. Wow, Walter. What are you doing in here, Miss Brooks? Yes, what are you doing with that heater? We're going to hide it in the closet so Mr. Conklin doesn't see it while it gradually turns his office into a Turkish bath. Right, Miss Brooks? We'll split the towel concession. Give it a hand with it. Will you, Mr. Boynton, it's pretty heavy. We'll put it way back here behind these clothes and things. Sure, Miss Brooks, but isn't this a pretty risky proposition supposing Mr. Conklin comes back? You don't have to suppose. He's coming down the corridor now. Quick stretch. Get into the closet with Mr. Boynton and Miss Brooks. In the closet, but. Don't argue. I'll give it to Mr. Conklin for you. Now, hurry. I'll give ice cream wagon in my life. Denton, what are you doing by my closet? Oh, shit. Just closing it, sir. I didn't want you to be caught in a draft. I mean, I came in to ask you something about Philip's farm. I've been waiting to do it. Where have you been, Mr. Conklin? Me? I was just chasing away that confounded ice cream man. Too tempting for the student. Oh, you're a looking fellow. Would you say you was, Mr. Conklin? Oh, just a big, stupid looking oaf with the black mustard. But you mentioned Philip's farm. Are you the student Mr. Boynton's taking out there because of the heat? Me? Philip's farm? Fainting in class indeed. He didn't mention any names, but I knew it was some weak-kneed, lily-livered creature like yourself, Denton. Yes, sir. Oh, yes, sir. I have the most lily-like liver in town, Mr. Conklin. Don't you think I'd better go now before I topple over again? By all means, Denton, the quicker the better. Thanks, Mr. Conklin. I guess in a case like this, it's every man for myself. Thank you. Man, chief. I should have known better than to chase ice cream wagons with my blood pressure. But I hang my coat up and scurry back to my fan. Pitch dark in this confounded closet. Here, I'll take your coat, Mr. Conklin. Thank you, boy. Now, handle it carefully, please. It's a rather expensive garment. I wouldn't want it. Thank you, what for? What's going on in this closet? Come on in. We're having a weenie roast. Disguising your boys won't save you. Come out into the light where I can see you. Well, it's only me, Mr. Conklin. Stretch snot grass. Well, close the door behind you. That closet feels like a Turkish bath. Yes, sir. Now then, what were you doing in my closet, snot grass? Oh, I thought you'd ask that question, Mr. Conklin. Luckily, I can give you a very good explanation. Oh, you care. Well, what is your explanation? Come, come, boy, out with it. You'll have to give me more time, Mr. Conklin. I'm not very bright. It's the heat, Mr. Conklin. I was looking for the gym and stumbled through the wrong door. Then I'd better escort you to the right door. Come with me, boy. Yes, sir. I've never seen anything like it. One day comes along the whole... Mr. Brooks, I'm suffocating in this closet. What do we do? Don't worry about a thing, Mr. Boyden. Just turn over every ten minutes, and I'll base you. This is no time for levity, Mr. Brooks. If only we... Please, Mr. Boyden, you shouldn't complain. At least you're next to the door. I'm right next to a burning heater. Quiet, Mr. Conklin's coming back. All the annoying things are... Oh, my coat. I'll hang it up in that Turkish bath. Fair closet. If I could just see where the crossbar is... Oh, here, let me get out of your way, Mr. Conklin. Thanks, Boyden. There we are. Nice and neat. I was just on my way to Philip's farm, Mr. Conklin. If you'll excuse me, I'll run along. Go right ahead, Boyden. Have a nice time. Thank you, sir. Goodbye. Goodbye. Well, now that Mr. Boyden is gone, I can relax. Now that Mr. Boyden is gone... Closet in the first place... There's plenty going on around here. I'd better get my coat and follow him. I'll hold it for you while you slip it on. No, thanks. I can slip it on myself. Now, I'll get to the bottom of this thing if... I can slip it on myself! Sit down here, Miss Brooks. Nothing. Would you be good enough to tell me what's drawing the crowds to my closet? The malls are having an aggregate. It's just a childish prank, Mr. Conklin. The schoolrooms are quite stuffy, so we thought we'd make it hot for you. I mean, some of us thought classes should be suspended today, and we hid your fan and closed the window so that you'd latch on quicker. Well, I'm latched on thoroughly now, Miss Brooks. You've explained most of the day's madness admirably, but one more thing. Could you explain those rings of smoke curling from beneath my closet door? Smoke? Oh, my. It's the heater. Your cloak must have caught fire. What? I'll go get some water right away. Just make yourself comfortable, Mr. Conklin. Comfortable? Where are you going for that water, Miss Brooks? Philip's swimming hole. Where else? Miss Allen, this book returns in just a moment. But first... Girl, dream girl, beautiful luster cream girl. Tonight. Yes, tonight. Show him how much lovelier your hair can look after a luster cream shampoo. Luster cream, world's finest shampoo. No other shampoo in the world gives K. Dumas magic blend of secret ingredients plus gentle aniline. Not a soap, not a liquid. Luster cream shampoo leaves hair three ways lovelier. Simply clean, free of loose dandruff. Blissening with sheen. Soft, manageable. Even in hardest water, luster cream lathers instantly. No special rinse needed after a luster cream shampoo. So gentle, luster cream is wonderful even for children's hair. Tonight. Yes, tonight. Try luster cream shampoo. Dream girl, dream girl. Beautiful luster cream girl. You owe your coming glory to luster cream shampoo. And now, once again, here is our Miss Brooks. Well, he huffed and he puffed and he blew out the fire in his closet. But I left the premises before Mr. Conklin could huff and puff at me. I didn't think it was fair for me to bear the brunt of our beloved principal's wrath, and I was soon declaring myself from the banks of Philip's swimming hole. It isn't all of you running out on me that hurts. It's the fact that you knew all the time, every one of you, that you'd wind up out here today. Gee, I feel like a heel, Miss Brooks. Help me up on the bank and I'll go back and face Mr. Conklin with your right now. All right, Walter. The most shameful part of the whole thing is the fact that it was all premeditated. Grab my hand, Walter. Yeah. Up you go now. Welcome to college. You're pulling Miss Brooks in. Don't worry about it, Harriet. I've got a bathing suit on underneath. Your beauty, Hope, and what's the cream sample for soft, glamorous, palatable hair? Produced by Larry Burns, written and directed by Al Lewis with music by Wilbur Hatch. It's new. It's amazing. An ammoniated dentifrice that helps prevent tooth decay and tastes good too. That's Colgate Ammoniated Tooth Powder, created in Colgate's research laboratories. Colgate Ammoniated Tooth Powder contains the revolutionary ingredients that help prevent new cavities in a dentifrice that tastes refreshingly minty, foams freely, cleans teeth effectively. Get Colgate Ammoniated Tooth Powder now. Economical 4-ounce size, only 43 cents. For mystery liberally sprinkled with laughs, listen to Mr. and Mrs. North. The exciting, fun-packed adventures of an amateur detective and his beautiful wife. Tune in Tuesday evening over most of these same stations. And be with us again next week at this same time for another comedy episode of Our Miss Brooks. Bob LeMond speaking. This is media on your broadcast season.