 The Jack Benny program, presented by Lucky Strike. At first I am not a... ... 59 American. Runt page news. In the nation's great tobacco markets, the famous Crosley Poll has just finished asking independent tobacco experts what cigarette do you smoke? Over 50% more named Lucky Strike than any other brand. Yes, the impartial Crosley Poll shows... By a 50% margin over any other brand, independent tobacco experts named Lucky Strike first choice. Lucky Strike first choice. These experts are the independent tobacco buyers, auctioneers, and warehousemen. The men who see who buys what tobacco at the auctions. And when independent tobacco experts like these name Lucky Strike first choice for personal smoking enjoyment, then you know. LSMFT, LSMFT. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. So smoke the smoke, tobacco experts smoke Lucky Strike. Remember... By a 50% margin over any other brand, independent tobacco experts named Lucky Strike first choice. Lucky Strike first choice. The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny, with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Tennessee, and yours truly, Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we're broadcasting from America's foremost desert resort Palm Springs. Surrounded by Indio, Cathedral City, and 29 Palm. And since we can't bring you the lady from 29 Palms, we give you the man of 39 years, Jack Benny. Hello again, this is Jack Benny talking, and Don, even though last week was my birthday, I just can't realize that I'm 39 years old. Oh, really, Jack? Yeah, it seems like I'm still 38. Oh well, after I've been 39 for a few years, I'll get used to it. Tell me, Don, have you been enjoying your stay here in Palm Springs? Oh, tremendously, Jack. The first day I got here, I put on my shorts, went out in the potty, only on my back, and took a sun bath. Oh, how was it? Well, my legs and shoulders were warm, but it was snowing up on my stomach. That's what it was. I saw a tourist turn to his wife and say, Look, dear, Mount San Jacinto has a dimple in the middle. Don, Palm Springs is really a great place for a rest, so peaceful and quiet. You sit out in the sun all day, and all you can hear is the sound of your skin cracking. Anyway, Don, you did manage to get a nice tan, you know? Well, Jack, I've been outdoors quite a bit. In fact, I've been horseback riding every day. Well, horseback riding is a wonderful exercise. I do it all the time. Hello, Jack. Oh, hello, Mary. I'm at the post office. The post office? Yeah, they make the best date milkshake there. Oh, I don't know, Mary. I always get my milkshakes at the hardware store here. They put nuts in it, you know? They're really... That didn't sound like us at all, did it? They're really delicious. You know, Jack, it's strange how almost every place in Palm Springs sells dates on the side. You're not kidding. Now, you know, a few years ago, there used to be a place here called a Palm Springs Funeral Parlor and Date Shop. Their slogan was, Pry our large economy size box. Look, Jack, I just wanted to explain why I was late. I didn't mean to start a routine. Well, when you came in, Don and I were talking about horses. You know, Don, I've had a lot of experience with them and the main thing to remember... Oh, stop with you. All you know about horses is that they don't wear high heel shoes. That's so. I know plenty. Tell Don what happened at Roger's stables the other morning. Never mind. The only reason I fell off the horse was because I was trying that new trick, and you know it. What trick was that, Mary? Well, Jack put a handkerchief on the ground and said he'd ride by at full speed and pick it up. Oh. So what happened? He picked up the handkerchief, dropped his teeth, picked up his teeth, dropped his hair, picked up his hair and fell in a gopher hole. That's it. That's it. That's it. Some rhythm. Oh, you really make things up, don't you? I'm not making up anything. We've been riding the horse side saddle. Well, you're supposed to. It was a female horse. Don, has Dennis come in yet? It's time for a song. I know he hasn't, Jack, and neither has Phil Harris. Oh, I'm gonna tell you, Don, Phil won't be here, and it's my own fault. Your fault? What do you mean? Well, before we left, Phil asked me how things were in Palm Springs. I said dry, and before I could tell him I meant the climate, he called up and canceled his reservation. By the way, Mary, where are you staying? Well, I don't know the name of it, but the place on the corner of La Jolla and Indian Avenue. Well, I'll drop it. Wait a minute. I passed that corner yesterday. It's a vacant lot. That was yesterday. Today, there's a $2 million hotel there. You know, the demand for hotel rooms is terrific. I know a fellow who has nothing but the blueprints, and 12 people are sleeping on it. They'd get off already, but start building. This place is really popular. You know, I was amazed when I got down here this year and saw all the beautiful new places that have been built. Getting swankier and swankier every year. You're right, Don. Oh, that's true. You're right, Don. The most important people in society come here. Why, even when from Rockefeller and his tribe are going to spend their honeymoon upon springs. He couldn't afford it. Now, he stopped being silly. Rockefeller's got almost as much money as Crosby. That reminds me, you know, Bob Hope did a broadcast a few weeks ago, and they made him the mayor of Palm Springs and Jerry Cologne, the chief of police. What do they do for you? They broke my glasses and pushed me out in the middle of Palm Canyon Drive. Doesn't make any difference. There's the phone. Maybe that's Dennis now. Hello? Hello, Benny. This is Jerry Cologne, the chief of police. Jerry Cologne? Well, gee, Cologne, I'm glad you phoned me. Hold the wire, Second Benny. My duties as police chief are calling me. I see a desperate criminal walking toward me on Indian Avenue. I recognize him. It's Jesse James. Wait a minute, Cologne. Jesse James has been dead for 50 years. Wonderful climate here, isn't it? You know, Professor Cologne, I would have phoned you, but I didn't know where you live. Oh, I'm living at the YWCA. The YWCA? Isn't that just for women? I don't ask questions. I just have fun. What do you really call me for? Well, I hate to tell you this, Benny, but I had to arrest Dennis Day this afternoon. Dennis? Arrested? Why? He's been in town three days, and he hasn't paid for the air. He's breathing. But, Cologne, there's no charge for fresh air. It's your first trip to Palm Springs, bud. Look, would you let me speak to the kids, please? Okay. Hey, Dennis, your boss wants you on the telephone. Gee, Mr. Cologne, can I talk? Yes, but don't breathe. All right. Hello, Mr. Benny. Dennis, don't worry anything about anything, kid. They can't charge you for the air you breathe. Cologne is nuts. Not as nutty as I am. I paid him $200. Well, that's the silliest thing I ever heard in all my 39 years. How many years? 39. What's the matter? Are you crazy or something? What? I said, what's the matter? Are you crazy or something? Wait a minute. Dennis, that wasn't Cologne. That was you all the time. Why did you pull a trick like that? Oh, I just thought I'd have a little fun. Would you like to hear Ronald Coleman now? All right, old fellow, if I can break away from Denise. Now, cut that out! And get over here immediately. You have to say. All right. Just a second. I want to say goodbye to my friends. Goodbye, Ronnie. Bye, old fellow. Nice of you to drop in. Goodbye, Cologne. Better go, Gabe. Don't be late. The Andrews, sister. Say, Don, it'll be a few minutes before Dennis gets here, so how about having the poor Ted do a commercial now? Okay, Jack, I've got the sportsman right here and the number they've prepared is very appropriate for Palm Springs. It's called my adobe azienda. Good, good. But have them sing it straight down. I don't like it when they embellish it with their own ideas. I've heard it, Jack, and they sing it beautifully. All right, but fellas, remember, I want you to sing it straight all the way through. Do you promise? Thanks. Take it, boys. I think... Boy, now look at hold it a minute, hold it. Don, Don, there was no commercial in it. Where is it? It's coming. Go ahead, boys. Everybody's smoking lobby. But it's right to smoke for me. That's right. Say, you bet. Every man who knows, he's got a lot of money, he's got a lot of money, he's got a lot of money, he's got a lot of money, he's got a lot of money, all of the money he had altogether was gone. Oh, that man. Every man who knows where thatened is a fax of trolls. He'll say it's 3221. He'd be three in my... That's enough, boys. All I want is a commercial. All for my adobe az segunda. Don, they promised you... fellas, fellas... wait a minute, boys. Wait a minute, fellas. Let's see they were singing straight. Oh, boys, see, Mary, what's the use? I mean, you can't talk to her. Well, Jack, let me try it. OK. Oh, boys. Ah! There you see. What did it get you? A date for the night. I think. That's pretty good, you had living little fool, you. That would be very, very good, you know. Infusion, Mr. Bennie. Well, Mr. Kessel. Mr. Kessel, I'm certainly surprised to see you here in Palm Springs. You surprised. Oh, oh, oh. What do you mean, ho, ho, ho, ho? This morning, my wife and I started from Los Angeles to visit my relations in Santa Barbara. But in Santa Barbara's in the opposite direction, how'd you wind up here? My wife was giving instructions. What? Going to the left, going to the right, going to the left, go straight ahead, back yourself up, make a new face. Terrible. The bus driver got so mad, he put us off. We was unavoidable, but for the last 10 miles, we had to walk back in. I finally got so thirsty, I could hardly stand that. And suddenly, I saw an orange grove, and in front of it was a little stand with a sign what says, all you can drink for 10 cents. Oh, yes, yes, I've seen those signs. All you can drink for 10 cents. So I slept down a dime, and I asked the man for 50 gallons. 50 gallons? He didn't say you got to drink it there. I know, but Mr. Kitzel, asking for 50 gallons, what did the man do? What did he do? He took my dime, and he threw me in a well. In a well? The sign said, all you can drink, but he didn't say what. Oh, yes. Excuse me, Mr. Benny, I got to be slashing along. Goodbye, Mr. Kitzel, I'm glad you dropped in. Happy Sunday. Oh, Mary, he sure is a nice guy. Yeah. You know, when I finish building my house here, I think I'll invite him down for a few weeks. Oh, Jack, I didn't know you were building a house in Palm Springs. Oh, yes, Don. It's over near the mountains, and you want to know something? They wanted $5,000 just to dig the excavation. $5,000? That's what they wanted, but you know what I did, Don? What, Mary? I started a rumor that there was gold on Jack's property. And the next morning, there was an excavation 12 feet deep. For heaven's sakes, who dug it? Jack did. It would have been deeper, but I didn't have a shovel. Where'd you say this house is, your building? Well, it's a little south of town, up by the Palm Springs Biltmore. See, to reach it, you have to pass the El Irisado, the Normandy Village, the Racquet Club, the Montecito, and the Rosmore. Well, that takes care of everybody and puts a clean sheet on my bed. I teamed. Uh-huh. So why didn't you build a hotel here? A hotel here, isn't it? Well, Mary, I'm not taking that kind of a dick. You see? Now, you take the Biltmore Hotel. The Biltmore Hotel costs $3 million to build. They've been open for four days. They haven't got their money back yet, you know? Well, believe me, I'm not taking any chances. Say, Jack, we'd love to see the new house you're building. Would you take us over? I'd be glad to, Don. Of course, it's not nearly finished yet. Oh, hello. Here I am, Mr. Benny. Well, it's about time you got here. You and your impersonation. I hope you have a good reason for being late, Dennis. Oh, I have. I was tired and overslept because yesterday I went skiing on Mount San Jacinto. You were skiing on Mount San Jacinto? Yeah. When I was halfway down the mountain, it got up and put a shirt on. Jack, he may know what he means. I know. Go ahead and sing your song. By the way, kid, I was looking at you when you were singing. You've been in Palm Springs for the last five days. You look awfully pale. Yeah, nothing seemed to help me. Every morning I got up early and put on my shorts, covered myself with suntan oil, and would lie in my back for hours, but I couldn't get a sunburn. I can't understand it. All week it's been nice and sunny outside. Oh, outside! Dennis, why don't you grab your tongue and see how far you can throw your head? I knew that joke would mean nothing after this. Sometimes I wonder... Hey, Jack. What? If you're going to take us over to see your new house, we better get started. Come on, everybody, before we all melt. Let's go, will you? Well, kids, here we are. There's my house. What do you think of it? Oh, boy, I think it's swell. I can't wait until it's finished. How do you like it, Mary? Well, it's very nice. But what's the idea of all those statues on the roof? Those aren't statues. Hey, you guys, get a move on up there. I wonder where Mr. Nelson the Builder is. Maybe that's him over there. Where? Well, coming toward us on horseback. Oh, yes. Mr. Nelson. Mr. Nelson. Mr. Nelson, you're supposed to be supervising this job. What are you doing on that horse? The British are coming. They are not. Then I better go take the lantern out of the tower of the El Mirador. Come back! Now, Mr. Nelson, I came over to see how my house is coming along. I'd like to see the grounds first. All right, all right. We'll go around to the backyard. Follow me. We're coming around to the back, ma'am! That was a spurt. Well, Mr. Nelson, everything I've seen so far looks very nice. Oh, there's the tennis court. Yes, sir. We just finished that tennis court this morning. Isn't it a beauty? It sure is. Hey, wait a minute. There's nothing on the other side of the net. There's only half a quart there. Oh, were you going to play with someone? Can you imagine that, Mary? How can I play on half a tennis court? Well, Jack, you don't play tennis. That's right. What am I mad about? Hey, Mr. Benny, didn't you say you had a swimming pool? Sure, kid. It's right. Hey, Mr. Nelson, where's the swimming pool? Is the what? The swimming pool. Where is it? Well, now that's funny. It was here yesterday. I'll check on this. Hey, Melvin. Yeah? We seem to have lost Mr. Benny's swimming pool. Were you at the cove? Let's go. Hey, wait a minute. Look at this lumber. It's so green, the sap is oozing out of it. Oh, that isn't sap. We soaked the lumber in orange juice 24 hours before we nail it up. Broken oranges. What does that do for the lumber? Nothing, but we've got the healthiest termites in the world. Hey, Jack, how about showing us through the rooms? All right. Mr. Nelson, we want to go inside the house. Okay. Just follow me. All right, man. We're coming into the house. Activity, there it is. By the way, Mr. Nelson, what is that man doing over there with the saw? He's playing, and he just got his union card from Petrillo. Well, why should he be? Oh, Jack, look at that darling little breakfast nook. Isn't it cute? Well, I'm sorry, Miss Livingston. That's the front hall. Front hall? Well, that shouldn't be out here in the back, should it? No. No, it shouldn't. I ought to get a zero for that. Now, look, Mr. Nelson, I want to see all the rooms downstairs first. Very well. Follow me, and I'll show you the downstairs room. Here's the dining room. Here's the den. And here's the... Well, what do you know? Here's the attic. The attic on the first floor? What's it doing down here? I guess those termites are healthier than he thought they were. You're not kidding. Say, Mary, doesn't that fellow hammering there look familiar? He sure does. I'm going over and talk to him. Hey, mister, haven't I seen you before? Very likely. I'm Frank Sinatra. Frank Sinatra? You're working as a carpenter. I'm between pictures. But, Frankie, you're a big star. You're also on the hip parade. Why do you take a job like this? Look, Jackson, in Palm Springs, a carpenter makes much more than a star. I think. Frankie, I can't understand why a fellow like you... How do you like that? He fell right through a crack. Well, it's just as well. Two more lines, and I'd have had to pay him. Afra. Is he with Afra? Now, mister Nelson... Yeah, let's go upstairs and see the bedroom. How about it, mister Nelson? Certainly, if you wish. Okay, man, ready or not, here we go! When they finish your house, I'm going to live here with you. What makes you think so? They nail my shoes to the floor. I think. Try yourself, Luce. I'm not taking you in any border. Say, mister Nelson, we've been going all through the house, and I haven't seen any bathroom. Oh, my goodness. We forgot to build one. You forgot to build a bathroom? What are you going to do? I'm going to give you a flashlight and a pair of slippers. Mister Nelson, where's my bedroom? Oh, the master bedroom. Here it is, right here. Say, it looks... Why, Rochester? Oh, oh, oh, oh! What's going on here in my bedroom? I moved in already. But the house isn't ready yet, and, besides, your room is over the garage. You ain't got a garage. What? Last night, the termites had a party and served at Buff A's house. Rochester, do you mean to tell me that the termites ate up my whole garage? Oh, but the cement floor, they saved that for dancing. Well, this is terrible. I left my violin in there. They ate that, too. How do you know? They were burping, loving, blooming. Rochester, if you saw them eating my violin, why didn't you stop them? By the time I got here, they were using the strings for dental floss. Dental floss? I think... Stop all this silly talking. You're not getting the master bedroom. Now, take your 12 trunks and get them out of here. Okay, you win. Come on, Jezebel. That's fine. He had to bring a dog in my house. Don't worry, boss. I gave him a flashlight and four bedroom slippers. Mr. Benny, you'd better hurry if you want to see the rest of the house. It's getting late. I want to go out on the balcony first because I know I'll spend a lot of time there taking sun baths and everything. Oh, let's see the rest of the house. We can do that later. I want to see the balcony. It'll just take a minute. Darn it, this door stakes. I got it. My, look at that marvel. A 50% margin over any other brand, independent tobacco experts, name Lucky Strike, first choice. Lucky Strike, first choice. Back of that statement is an impartial crossley pole just completed in 11 southern tobacco states. This famous authentic research group reveals that when independent tobacco experts choose a cigarette for their own personal smoking enjoyment, over 50% more named Lucky Strike than any other brand. Yes, the impartial crossley pole shows by a 50% margin over any other brand, independent tobacco experts, name Lucky Strike, first choice. These are the tobacco experts, the independent buyers, auctioneers, and warehousemen who buy, sell, and handle tobacco at the auction. You heard the poll results. Now listen to what Mr. Joe Burnett, ace tobacco auctioneer of Buffalo Springs, Virginia recently said. At auction after auction, I've seen the makers of Lucky Strike buy quality tobacco. Find light, fragrant tobacco that makes a grand smoke. I'll smoke Lucky's myself for 16 years. So for your own real, deep down smoking enjoyment, remember LSMFT, LSMFT. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. So round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. So smoke the smoke, tobacco experts smoke. Remember, by a 50% margin over any other brand, independent tobacco experts name Lucky Strike, first choice. Lucky Strike, first choice. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.