 The reason why it never works with a narcissist. The reason why no matter what you do, no matter how you do it, things never work out with a narcissist. You can never win with them. The reason for this is because they are self-absorbed and lack empathy. They only care about themselves. They are not team players. They are not interested in working with you to reach a mutually desired goal or objective. They are just trying to survive and meet their own needs. A person who is trying to survive does not have the capacity to consider you. They have a huge void inside of them where they are constantly starving for attention. They need someone to attend to them because they cannot attend to themselves. And they cannot attend to themselves because they abandoned who they really are. They disowned that part of them because they believed that it could never be good enough for a relationship to be successful. Two people must feel whole. They must feel complete even on their own. They might want and desire a relationship but they shouldn't need it to complete them. Narcissists constantly need people to prop up their false self. They are like bottomless buckets where they leak at the bottom. They cannot fill themselves up so they depend on other people to do it for them. They depend on other people to attend to them, to validate them and to make them feel like they are enough. Like they are worth something because they cannot do that on their own. And no matter how much someone tries to sustain them, it's never enough because it's supposed to come from within. We are not supposed to depend on other people to regulate our emotions or our self-esteem. That's supposed to come from within and that is why the narcissist can never be satisfied. They can never feel whole or complete. And they refuse to accept that the reason for this is because they have disowned who they really are. It has nothing to do with you. They made it seem like you could never satisfy them but the truth is that they cannot be satisfied. Nothing will ever be enough for them because they were never enough for themselves. They were never satisfied with who they were so now they can never be satisfied with you. As within, so without, we must appreciate ourselves first before we can appreciate anyone else. The narcissist could never accept who they were so now they can never accept you. But they will never acknowledge this truth because it's too painful for them to accept. The core of their disorder is that they are in denial. They are in avoidance of the truth and reality of the situation. Doing everything they can to avoid reflecting on what they have become. So in their minds, you were the problem. You were not good enough or you couldn't satisfy them. You were the reason why it never worked out. They have to see it this way because the truth is just too painful for them to accept. They are shame based individuals doing everything they can to avoid reflecting on their shame. It's either you or them and narcissists are cowards. They lack the courage to deal with their pain so of course they're going to bail on you. Just like they bailed on themselves because they don't want to acknowledge what they've become. They don't want to accept that they were the problem and yet they associate you with the truth. They connect you with the facts. Every time they see you, it reminds them of who they really are. It reminds them of what they did to you and it makes them sick. It makes them feel pain and shame because they realise who and what they are. And that is why they become so vicious towards you. Because it's either you or them and remember they are cowards. They're not going to deal with the mess that they've created. They're going to expect you to clean it up because they can't deal with responsibility. They're not going to hold themselves accountable for everything that they've done. They will bail on the false character that they created for you and when they do that all of their responsibility goes with it which includes you. Any regard that they once claimed to have for you goes with the false character that they created for you. The reason why it never works with a narcissist. The reason why nothing you do can fix the problems that they have created. The reason why is because they are not your problems to fix and no matter how much you change yourself. It will not change the situation. It will not change the end result because it really has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Everything that is going on in their minds. Their lack of love for themselves. Their lack of empathy. If a person cannot resolve their own internal conflict they will lack the ability to resolve anything with you and that is the reason why it never works with a narcissist. Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.