 how the narcissist feels when you cut them off. Initially, they're not going to take it seriously. They're not going to really think that you cut them off. And the reason for that is because they're so full of pride and arrogance, they can't actually believe that you don't want them. Because remember, they think they're the best thing since like bread. They think everyone wants them and they don't look at all of the horrible things they've done to you. They're not thinking about that when you cut them off. And their minds are like, why wouldn't you want them? Maybe you're angry about something they did but you'll be back. That's how they think. But as time continues to go by and you remain no contact, they will finally begin to get it. They will begin to understand. And they're not going to like it. Because you have to remember that narcissists are very insecure. Which means that they always have to be in a position of power and control over their targets. Which means that you should not be in this position of authority and control where you can be the one to reject them. That is not supposed to happen. They're meant to be the ones who choose whether or not they want to keep you around. Not the other way around is how they see it. So when you do it, when you cut them off and they realize it, it causes a major narcissistic injury. Because they sense that loss of power and control over you. And that's how they prefer it to be. That's how they like it. It's where they've got you under their thumb. When you're waiting for them, you're at their back and call. You're willing to do whatever they want. You're willing to overlook all of the hurtful things that they've done to you. That's how they like it. That's how they want it to be. What they don't like is when you start managing and directing things. When you start stating your preferences and how you want things to be. And if they're not measuring up to your standards and expectations, then you're cutting them off. They don't like that. Because they want to be the ones to do that to you. That's why when you're with a narcissist, it's like they've always got one foot in, one foot out. It's like they could leave you at any moment. And I'm sure many of you, you didn't even know if they were ever really there with you. You don't even know if you ever really had anything. A relationship, it was more like a situation. You were more just like their friends. You never knew where you stood with them. Because that's how they stay in that position of power and control, which they need because they're very insecure. And for them to feel secure within themselves, they need to keep you off balance at all times. You are a source of security and stability for the narcissist. So they've got to keep you off balance so that they can feel like they're in control. So anytime that you feel stable, safe, secure and comfortable, they feel insecure. Because of that moment, it's like, okay, now you're in control. Now you can have a position of authority over me. And you could just get rid of me at any moment. And then I have to deal with a pain or rejection. They don't want it to be like that. That's why they have to maintain their position of authority over you. But they're constantly dictating their demands, their expectations of what they expect from you. That's why it always has to be like that. Because they don't want the shoe to be on the other foot. Then you could give them a taste of their own medicine. And they don't want a taste of that. But yeah, when you finally cut them off, they do feel it. They know it. And they do not like it. It causes a major narcissistic injury. It triggers them to reflect on how worthless and insignificant they really feel in sight. Because everything, especially you, it's just a cover-up to compensate for how they really feel about themselves. But then when you stop supporting the illusion, it falls apart and they're triggered to reflect on how they really feel. They're triggered to reflect on how they are the issue, they are the problem. And they've been doing all of these hurtful things to you without any accountability, without any remorse. Yeah, they're forced to reflect on that. There's a brief window where they do. But then what do they do? They push it away because it's too painful for them to deal with it. And instead, they get very angry and their anger is directed towards you. And that's when they start to point out all of these things that they think are wrong with you. They try to discredit you, they try to assassinate your character, smear your name. And then they've got to go and tell everyone about it, about how you're this horrible person who did them wrong. When all you did is you stopped putting up with the abuse and the manipulation and the deception. You wanted to put a stop to that because it was hurting you and you didn't like it. That's all you did. And they couldn't tolerate that because if you weren't there to accept it, if you weren't there to take accountability for everything, then the only person left to do that is them. Because they have a black-white mentality where a person is either all right or all wrong, all good or all bad, a winner or a loser. And they've got to be on the other side of that at all times. They have to be the winner, they have to be right, they have to be good. And you have to be bad, wrong and a loser. That's just the way it has to be. And that is why they have to maintain a position of authority and control over you so that they can constantly take that false narrative back to you. But of course, things were going to fall apart at some point because they had to be the captain of the ship. They had to be behind the wheel. They had to dictate everything to you. They had to create a false narrative. They had to be in this position of power which they are not deserving of because they always misuse and abuse it. So of course, things were going to go wrong at some point because they were in control of it. And as we know, narcissists, they are self-absorbed, they lack empathy. It's all about them, it's all about what they want. So, how could things possibly go well then when someone is just thinking about themselves? Instead of thinking about the future, the relationship, of course things were going to go bad. But they already knew that when that happened, they were going to blame you. They were going to blame you and then they were going to leave you behind. And they were going to tell everyone that the reason why they left you is because you were the problem. You were the reason why the relationship failed and that is why they had to go. But the problem is when you cut them off, you beat them to the punch. You do it before they do. You've just followed their plans. The only thing they can do at that point is what they always do, what they were going to do anyway. Just point the finger at you regardless. To act like you have abandoned them. You have left them at a time when they were in need. And you just did all of these hurtful things to them and then you tried to evade the consequences. That is the narrative that they are going to create. And that is really the only way that a can ends. Whether you cut them off or they cut you off, it doesn't really matter. In the end, the one thing they are always going to do is blame you. It's not going to go any other way. You are not going to get a different result than that. There is really no way out of that. Even if you were this perfect supply for them. You did whatever they wanted, whatever they wanted you to do it. You were always there for them. You were their doormat, their fool. That emotional punching bag, that emotional tampon, whatever you want to call it. You were all of that. They are still going to blame you. They are going to blame you the entire time that you are with them. Even while you are being all of that for them. It doesn't make a difference. They might still keep you around because you are a good source of supply for them. But they are still going to blame you. And there is no way out of that. And that is really how you know who and what you are dealing with. Because it is so emotionally immature and irresponsible to just punch the finger and blame someone for everything that went wrong. Normal, mature, responsible people. We can accept our mistakes. We can accept that we have done some things wrong. And we are ok with that. There is no need to try and pass the blame on someone else. Mature, responsible people. We can accept that the blame is not always on just one person. Both people must take responsibility. But when it is all going on one person, just one person has to be accountable for everything. That is when you should know that something is not right. Because mature, responsible people, they do not deal with things in that way. This is how narcissists behave. And it is a pattern of behaviour. They do the same thing no matter who they are with. It is always the other person's fault. And that is why they never change. Because they don't take accountability. They are like children in adult bodies. Because they never hold themselves accountable for anything. Which means that they never change. And as I have said before, accountability is the key to our success. A person who takes accountability for what they have done wrong. For how things ended up. Regardless of whose fault it is. A person who does that. That will lead to success at some point. It will. But these narcissists are constantly playing the big damn blame on everything. For their problems. That is not going to lead to anything good. It is not. Because it is just completely careless and reckless. There is no direction. But that is what they do. They blame you and they expect you to take responsibility for it. They expect you to fix everything for them. So of course when you cut them off and you walk away. They are not going to like that. Because then it is like you are leaving them to deal with it. You are leaving them to be responsible. And if you want to cause a major narcissistic injury. That is all you have to do. Is leave them to be responsible. Because they don't want to be responsible for anything. But that is all you are actually doing. When you walk away is that. You are leaving them with that responsibility. You are leaving them to deal with things on their own. It is like you leave a child in the house and expect them to do the dishes. Clean everything up. Cook the food. What do you think they are going to do? They are just going to throw their toys around and throw a tantrum. And then they are going to wait for you to come and do everything. That is just how it is going to go. And it is the same thing with the narcissists. When you leave them and you expect them to be responsible. They are just not going to do that. They are going to blame you. They are going to try to cause problems for you. They are going to try and force you to be the parent and take responsibility. That is just how it goes. Because they already know that you do have the ability to be mature and responsible. And they already know that they don't. They know what they are. They know what they are like. They know they can't be responsible for anything and their lives. So that is just how it is going to be. It is going to be all on you. You have to deal with it every time you become their caretaker. Their parents. That is just how it is. Whether you stay with them or if you leave. They are still going to hold you for that role. And the irony is. Although they want you to be in this parental role. They don't want you to have any authority. As crazy as that may sound. They want you to be the parent. They want you to manage everything. They want you to deal with all of the problems. But at the same time. They don't want you to have any authority, power or control. It is a recipe for disaster. So the person who is meant to manage everything. Has no authority. No position of power. No position of power. And yet the one who doesn't want to do anything. They don't want to attend to any of it. They need to be the ones who have that power and authority over you. It really is a recipe for disaster. It cannot end well. It is impossible. There is no way around it. The roles need to be reversed for it to work. But you have to understand this is an underdeveloped mind. It is magical thinking. It is how a child thinks. It is based on their emotions. It is based on the self-serving agenda that they have. They don't really care if things don't go well. As long as they can get something out of it in the beginning. Even if it is just your attention and validation. That is enough for them. So that is just the way that things have to go. There is nothing you can tell them. It really is crazy making at its best. But this is just the way that they think. Yeah they will feel that rejection when you cut them off. It will hurt them. It will feel worthless and insignificant. And that is why they overreact. That is why they get so mad. Because at that point you are just completely destroying the illusion. They don't like that. They don't want you to do that. That is where they create this false narrative. And everything has to be how they say it is. Instead of how it actually is. They have to create this false reality. Okay I am going to go inside now. It is really hot out here. But I wanted to share this important message with you today. And I hope it was helpful for you. If it was please give this video a thumbs up down below. Let me know your thoughts down in the comment section. Hit that subscribe button for more. For when I am coaching you can book from my website. It is Narc Surviver.co.uk And check out my Instagram as well. It is Narc Surviver YouTube and Instagram. I have new pictures and videos on there every day. Alright thank you all for joining me. And I will talk to you in another one very soon.