 Shit's Creek is the best show ever Okay Okay, ready? Okay, guys welcome back to my channel today's video is going to be super fun because I have my mom here Hi, and today we are going to be talking about how she told me I was adopted And you know, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that I'm adopted. We don't look alike at all We don't So the first part of this video is going to be how my mom told me I was adopted and The tactics she used and in the second part of this video My mom is going to share some tips on maybe how you can tell your child that they are adopted And before we start, okay, I want to say that I'm sorry for the lighting change. I use natural light Sherry, I'll let you take it away. How did you tell me I was adopted? I guess I never wanted to have a Situation where I had to have a sit-down talk and chat with Alex about honey, there's something I need to tell you You're adopted. Yeah, I know it really would not have made any sense since we didn't look alike And no one around her looked like her and it was pretty obvious that maybe that wasn't where She came from whatever I just happened to find something And I don't know if I actually bought this book or if someone gave it to me or if I got it from the adoption agency I really don't even know where it came from But I used a book called when you were born in China a memory book for children adopted from China It's a pretty lengthy book, but I read through this book lots and lots of times And I picked out the things that I thought were relevant to kids at certain ages This book was like Alex's bedtime story book and I read it to her probably a couple times a week from the time We got home from China because I thought it was important just to ingrain in her Early on that she was adopted so I would we would never have to have that situation She'd know why she was adopted this book does a very good job of explaining What happens in China the one-child policy it talks about abandoning children But it talks also about how all those people in China loved you when you were little and they took care of you until Your family was able to come from wherever they came from to adopt you So it gives a lot of good background a lot of what might have happened to you and a good explanation of how this is just a General idea of what happens, but you have your very own story But it's a story of a lot of little girls in China So I use this book and do you remember me reading this book to you at all not really That's the funny thing. I don't know that's probably the reason why I don't really remember having a honey You're adopted because it was always you always knew a constant thing even though I don't I don't Subconsciously remember you read this to me. Okay, but I do when we lived in celebration our old house I remember I don't know how well I was but we were sitting on the couch and Sherry pulled this book out and she's like, do you remember when I read this to you and because we lived in Ohio for a bit That's where they're from. So I was like, no not really So I think we went over it or something like as I was older Yeah, we did because the book is let's see how many pages and the book was written in 1997 and you were born in 96 so we traveled in 97 so it was something that was very these babies I know it was very contemporaneous Lucky me you're lucky my shot It was very contemporaneous to what was going on at the time But I didn't read the whole book to her every night because a little child is not gonna understand some of the things that are in here So it's 42 pages. I didn't read 42 pages every single night But I would pick and choose things that I thought were relevant like somebody who was like a year old or somebody who was two years Old or three years old. So I kind of add things in Talking about the Chinese economy and how China isn't poor But it's not a rich country either and talking about this kinds of things really a two-year-old really doesn't care about that Four-year-old doesn't care about that but those were things I would add in this time would go time went on About what things were like in China, but the things that I did focus on was the actual one child policy at the time at the time and the abandonment and how people there loved you and How you know everyone took care of you to make sure you stay healthy until your parents could come get you and that's kind of Just started from that and then added in there a lot of pictures and things of China in China Which you know again a three or four-year-old didn't really care about that But we did show a lot of the pictures of other little girls from China pictures inside different orphanages in China So even though they weren't exactly in her orphanage They were other orphanages so she could kind of grew up knowing that this was the kind of place where she was for a year and There were other little girls in orphanages and I think having the the shaman reunions over the years Yeah helped with that also because everybody understood. So this is what I use this this was the tool the tactic Yes, that that I use because it was it was just such a good thing and I would highly recommend that to anybody I will link this down below So if you guys want to get it and read it yourself, you can I guess you normalised it as some people might say Like you normalize that I didn't come from your body. So sherry share this story I don't know if she told me this like not too long ago the story of when I came home from grade school This is when we lived in Florida I asked like where my real parents were or like why do they not want me and then there's the time where I thought I Wasn't Chinese. Yeah, there are a couple of different things and that was probably in the first second grade Maybe once when you're in Ohio I can't really remember which one was like kindergarten first or second grade Okay, there were just a few times when things would come up Yeah, because even though you were firmly ingrained in the fact that you knew you were adopted Yeah, but there was still some other questions that would come up and we were always very open about answering any of those Questions, but sometimes little kids don't quite understand what adoption means Especially other little kids that haven't read this book, right? So once you came home and I don't even remember what the context was but you just said well, you know when I used to be Chinese I didn't do that and What do you mean when you used to be Chinese? I think it was at celebration school I don't know. It's like we need to have a little chat because you're still Chinese You're still Chinese you are an American citizen, but you are of Chinese descent So you will always be Chinese But that was kind of funny But the one that I really remember was somebody at school Yeah, somebody at school told you that when you were an orphan if you came from an orphanage and you were an orphan Your parents had died. So you wanted to know what had happened at celebration school I think so what had happened to them why they died. I don't know who it would it was I know Boy, I remember I can't remember which little boy It was in your class. He said your parents her parents had died and so you wanted to know if they had missed you and if they I'd mm-hmm, and I said well first of all, you know, I'm your parent and I don't know if they died. I don't think so Because being an orphanage is that doesn't necessarily mean that this little boy's probably watched little orphan Annie And has the wrong idea about orphanages in China and you said well, he knew that he said he knew So you were giving me some pushback About parents being dead if you were in an orphanage. So being the kind kind person I am I said well, has he ever been to China? I don't think so and I said well, I have and you have Has he ever been orphaned? No, I said well, then he doesn't know anything about it We know all about it But all we know is that there were two people that created a baby and that baby was you what happened to them after that We don't know they're probably still alive We don't know that and we'll never know whatever happened to them where they are if they had more children We're not going to know any of that information But just being in an orphanage does not necessarily mean in China that your parents are dead Yes, we were at a public pool And Alex was probably two maybe three and I was in the pool with her and she was standing there There's this little boy. It's always like little boys that do that. I guess little boy walk by and he looks at her He stares at her for a minute and he walks away And they like swims back over Satter and looks up at me this happened in Ohio, right? It is And you know, Ohio is pretty white. It was very funny. The pool we were in the area We were in was very white and so he's like looking at her I finally like about the third time he comes swims around, you know, and stops. It looks at her Looks at me and he goes, what's wrong with her eyes? I said, I laugh every time Nothing? Why? And he looks at me and he looks at her and he goes, well, can she see? And I said, yes, I said her eyes look different than your eyes, don't they? And he goes, yeah I said, well, that's because she's Chinese. He goes, oh What's her name? Her name is Alex So he goes away and he comes back with these other kids He brings this whole group of little kids over and gathers them around Alex and points to her and says hey That's Alex. She's Chinese but she can see. Oh my gosh. That's a really good story It was just very fun. And then we always get the is she your grandma? Same little boy. Same little boy. Yeah, same little boy in the pool comes around a little bit later He looks up at me and goes, are you her grandma? He looks up at me and says are you her grandma? And I said, no, but I think I hear your mom calling you Write a question for you. Okay. So do you ever remember a time when it just Suddenly hit you that you were adopted that you look different than everybody else and you look different than everybody in your family And all your friends are ever anytime you went. Oh, yeah, I am adopted I wonder that there's some times that I do think that but I don't focus on it Like even if it does dawn on me that like, oh, I am different. I don't see myself as different I think that's the the key where I don't know Maybe you can take from this if you see yourself as different and if you focus on what's different about you You're gonna be different for my cousin's wedding, for example, like I'm going to be the only Chinese person Sometimes I don't even remember that I'm number one adopted or number two Chinese Because it doesn't dawn on me that I am that so when someone's like, oh, where are you from like? Oh, Columbus, Ohio, and then I'm like, they're like, no, where are you really from? And I'm like, oh, I was born in China But then and then I had to go into my spiel, which if you don't know my spiel Then I'll link that video up in the cards or something but like hi, I'm adopted when I was one I have two gay moms, but I'm not gay, you know, that's spiel We were checking into when we lived in Ohio We were coming here on vacation and we checked in at Old Key West And the person driving the little golf cart to take us to our room was Asian Alex there like in the back seat and he turns on he goes. Oh, where is she from? And I said, we're from Ohio Oh Okay, well, uh, well she looks Asian It sounds weird, but like I see myself more as white because I have been around white people More I guess but also too. I remember and this is something you recently shared with me about one of the Shaman sister parents. Yes. So one of one of the moms in the shaman reunion group Shared with me once that she never really wanted to focus on her daughter being Chinese and she was white or she was adopted and other kids were not because she wanted her to feel like she was More the same and less different. Right. She want to focus on those differences. Yeah And I think that's my mindset and I didn't even know that and Sherry just shared that with me I'm like, I think I've been thinking that all along So that was really like a profound thing when I found that out because like I don't focus on like what's different but also I'm just gonna throw in here really quick that I Went to a dance studio and there was a lot of Filipinos So I was surrounded by more Asian people and it did feel more like community And like I wasn't a different person or like outcast So I think that really helped but I don't know how I feel if I grew up in a Predominantly like white neighborhood in Ohio, like I don't know how I would feel but I can tell you that I went to a very like diverse high school if you haven't seen the video link it down below I went to an art school and then I also went to a dance studio where there was more Asians So I did get a taste of like more seeing more my Asian people I guess and we did start out when you were little and we were in Ohio We're taking you to events families with children from China and they always did events They started like Saturday groups. You could learn mandarin You could do Chinese arts and crafts and it all kinds of things to help connect kids to their Chinese culture And we went to a few of the events and you just never liked it She was never know the only thing you liked was walking in the dragon parade and getting the money in the Never change That was the only thing you ever really liked. Yeah, those events we went to so I'm glad that you didn't force upon my Culture because it's not I don't identify with it. I mean that's different for everybody But like for me, I just didn't and I'm glad that you didn't force it So moving on I want to ask my mom what is her advice on telling your child or children that they are adopted Well, I think that probably honesty is the best policy just from the get-go from the start Yes, absolutely from the very start You don't like 16 and then you're like sweetie happy birthday But your biological parents are not here. I mean maybe not traumatic. I don't know but Think that just being honest up front and living with it because it's part of who you are Yeah, and where you came from and secrets always come out I know a long time ago kids who were adopted their records were sealed if you did a domestic adoption your records were sealed The birth mothers were told kids would never be able to get in touch with them And when you're adopting like that usually more than just you and the child would know or just you and whoever The adults are but other people in the family know what's going on So, you know eventually uncle Joe or somebody, you know has a couple of drinks and slips out your kids adopted I could see those things happening within a family that if it was kept a secret It could be hurtful and I also think too. I just have like two things on my mind number one is If your kid has any questions always tell them what you know Like you've always told me what you know and they've always been supportive if I want to find my birth parents They would be supportive of that. I mean, I don't have the bank account nor the dreaming desire to find my birth parents But they were never like We're insulted. You know, like some people could be no, I think it'd be very interesting actually Yeah, if there was a way to do it But right in the 90s if you were abandoning your daughters on the streets Then you probably wanted to get away and not have any record of that and probably could not be found Right, I mean, it's not like you're just going to a small town to find a woman who gave birth 25 years ago, you're going to a country of billions of people Yeah, if I ever like get to some level of success where I have like financial Stability and like I have funding or whatever Then I think that'd be a really cool series to do like on my YouTube channel or just like something like that I think it'd be really cool, but also I need a really good translator because I Am nowhere near close to communication. It'd be interesting to see what they look like Yeah, and to get medical history. Yeah, I mean, but then again, sometimes I'm like I'm okay with not knowing my medical history because like you don't want it in your mind know that like cancer runs And then you're like paranoid the rest of your life I always look at the positive sides of most everything So I'm like, okay, maybe the stuff that I don't know is better So do you have any other tips on parents telling their kids that they're adopted be honest answer all the questions and You know your child better than anybody else So get to know your child to know how they handle the information anything that's different But just always be upfront with him about everything. Yeah, that's a good thing to follow. By the way, you're adopted Okay, yeah, and for all the people who think that like I mean to her and she's mean to me or whatever I don't know. It's just our relationship Like we're a bunch of like smart ass type of people. We are even Valerie. We're proud of that Yeah, we're gonna do a mom time pretty soon I don't know man. You don't want to see him when they start drinking cuz We are proud of our miss Marty pants. It's a good smarty pants. All right So I think that is gonna be it for this video if you have any other questions And make sure to leave them in the comments down below Give this video a thumbs up if you enjoyed it do it for her And we have more videos coming don't forget to subscribe and I'll see you guys in my next video. Bye